Whippy's Diary

March 10 2010

I plugged in today's more realistic weight of 128kg. The 126 was too good to be true and too much of a fluke for the day. I can't trick myself like that or I'll be setting myself up for disappointment.

I exercise as much as I can right now and cannot wait until my level increases. I can only imagine the results I'll see! Whatever keeps me motivated right?

Monday was a bad day and yesterday was also bad in an entirely different way. Today I have to go do something I don't want to do, not bad I just don't want to, and it made it hard to get out of bed. That coupled with my legs being heavy from muscle fatigue has me dragging today.

Sure it could get worse, but I'm sure it could get much, much better. I'm trying to keep my enthusiasm up for my impending vacation, but even though it's only 3 days away, today it feels like it may as well be 3 years away.

It is indeed the start of hump-day.
 
March 11 2010

It's starting to sink in that I'll be in Rome soon, and the likely temptation that will be all around. Of course I like Italian food. I also know that a plate of tortellini will ruin my vacation. That's not the issue. The thin crust pizza could be an issue. More likely the gelato or other desserts.

Last year when I was in England and the Netherlands I kept to my diet, no problem. However, neither England nor the Netherlands are renown for their cuisine.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by the amount of sightseeing there is to do in Rome. I've had to manage my expectation and know that I'll probably have to go back someday so that I can see more of the city. I can't possibly see everything.

I'm fairly convinced that anything I eat will be easily burned off during the course of sightseeing. Regardless I'm worried that I won't be able to continue on the whole day like I hope to. Well, if nothing else, the next time I go to Rome, I'll be in better shape and can see more.

I made it through yesterday. The thing I didn't want to do was about as painless as anything can be but I had worked myself up so much that it might as well have been worth a few tears. It's amazing how worked up I can get - without help from anyone. I got home at 3pm and ate a yummy salad (175 calories). I wasn't satisfied so I ate another salad, this time with fish (250 calories). Still not satiated, I made a fruit bowl with yogurt (about 200 calories). I overate. I had three, albeit healthy & low fat, meals all at once. I passed out in a food coma for an hour and was too bloated and too full to eat anything the rest of the day.

I was dying of thirst though, and drank over 2 liters of water while I waddled around doing things in preparation for my trip. I didn't feel too good when I woke up today, but it could have been much worse. Even though I overate I feel a little bit more forgiving of myself because I made healthy choices instead of dialing up the pizza guy...who also brings Ben&Jerry's.

This morning I spent some time trying to figure out why I was so worked up. I can't figure it out. I didn't weigh myself today, I felt like I was torturing myself enough already.

You know what they say, you can't control your emotions but you can control your behavior. All I can do is do better today, and the next days, and when it happens again, which it inevitably will, behave differently.
 
March 12 2010

Today is the day before Rome, and I don't have much else on my mind. My biggest dilemma is that I want to see the Pope on Sunday, but there is also a "colorful" flea market on Sunday in the neighborhood where my hotel is located. How cool would it be to go to an Italian flea market!? The Pope is always there. Right!? I can't imagine how I can do both but I will do my best.

Yesterday was about as normal as can be and today is shaping up to be the same. I'm busy and distracted and happy that everything is going okay.

Yesterday evening, as I was walking home on the snow-free sidewalk, I remembered that I've been so preoccupied with preparations for my vacation that I'd forgotten to do my walk. So I walked past my apartment and down the street until I circled around to where I was sure I got in a 30 minute walk round trip. That made me feel good - to squeeze that in there before going home for the evening.

Today I have one singular thing to do before I go to work, but I'm going to combine it with going for a walk because this evening when I come home I just know I'll be freaking out about not forgetting to take something I desperately need - although everything I can't buy in Rome I've already accounted for so any freaking out I do now will be just for sport.

That's it. No crisis, everything is on track. I'll post my anticipated Roman eating escapades when I get back.
 
March 17 2010

I'm still in Rome.

I totally underestimated how much walking I would do, and how much energy I would have to do it. It's not an enormous city and quite often the next cool thing is just a few blocks away. . . just as far to get a bus/train/tram.

I'm at an Internet cafe. I was in a pharmacy yesterday and saw they had a scale, and made it a point to pop in today, although it was evening, not morning, and I've been eating Roman food and gelato so my expectations were low. I'm 129kg. Only up 1kg!

It's certainly the walking preventing any significant gains, or if that even really is a gain at all. I should have gone in the morning dang it! I didn't go this morning because I was worried about what horror I might be faced with. I finally worked up the courage to face the truth this evening about 7pm.

I haven't been eating all that badly. I take the small portion of gelato (every time). I don't order the full course of dishes at meals, and I've been having fruit in the morning instead of the usual sugary croissant thingy (cornetto).

There was a young woman I saw, who couldn't have been more than 25. She was about 100 more than me, easy. American. Her friend was about 150, not lean but not fat either. The smaller friend ordered a small gelato, while the larger friend ordered the largest. Hmm...why does she do that? Besides helping to maintain the weight, it would put me into a sugar coma. (I already presumed she's trying to loose - but obviously not - or...)

I'm the type who would rather nobody see the fat woman eat - let alone eat the large size (which a family of 4 could eat from). I wonder if she feels, all the time, the way I feel sometimes? Sometimes I feel like I'm this far gone, there isn't much that could hurt me now, so I may as well indulge. But I would never do it in front of people.

Well, anyway, half the reason I'm being good is because I don't want to totally sabotage this amazing opportunity of tons of exercise! I don't want to walk 6 hours a day and gain weight anyway! That would really be a let down. That's a lot of walking to flush down the toilet.

The other half is because I'm enjoying the food and gelato just fine without over indulging. I'd rather have a couple of "piccolo" in the day and walk it off, than have one large and then regret it despite being able to walk it off.

I've been coming back to the hotel in the evenings and mapping out where all we walked. When I get back to the non-vacation zone, I'll map out how far I actually walked. I'm kinda jazzed about how much time I've been able to spend mobile, up on my feet, on the go...at all hours of the day. The energy is astounding! Vacation is great! Sunshine is great!

It also tells me I must have been baby-ing myself regarding my workout routine. I wanted to build up slowly - well, here has been 4 days of slowly - at length. I can't wait to get back and put on the heart monitor and see if there's some improvement...and I'm going to do more research and see what I can push myself too before I have to show any measure of restraint/concern. I mean, I shouldda done that before anyway!

If you haven't been to Rome - go. It's near impossible to be disappointed, unless you hate gelato, or pasta, or cappuccinos, or men who tell you that you are "bellissimo", regardless of size...then stay where you are!

Back to reality soon enough...until then, Arrivederci!
 
Morning Weigh-in

I knew I had to stop by the internet cafe again this morning so I stopped by the pharmacy on the way and got a morning weigh-in. 128.0.

Good! No gains. I thought as much - as well as hoped as much.

Another day, another 5-8 hours of walking - and another day of enjoying the sunshine and gelato.

I'm going to need a vacation from this vacation!
 
March 19 2010

I’m back from Rome, and according to the scale this morning, I didn’t gain. Gawd knows I did enough walking to burn off everything I ate. It was warm-ish and the sun was shining the whole time so I didn’t mind all the walking. But now I’m exhausted and back in the cold, gray, rainy, North. Bleh.

When I saw how resilient I was with all the walking I thought maybe I could do more with my exercise routine. I think I’m taking it too easy on myself. I’m not one to “push” per se, but I think I not only should do more, but could. I’ve been coddling myself and telling myself that I can’t do more, but now, after hours and hours (and hours and hours) of walking around Rome…I know that’s BS.

Also, this morning on my walk I saw a very fat…well, probably about my size… young woman jogging past me. I tried to make eye contact and give her the thumbs up as we were both clearly on a similar mission, but she never looked at me. I can imagine I would do the same – never make eye contact with anyone passing by.

As I watched her enormous rolls jostle up and down with each step I realized that I don’t have a sports bra to fit my current frame. I have big jugs at 150, at 280 they are e-n-o-r-m-o-u-s. I can’t imagine how I can contain them well enough to manage a jog.

I wonder if this is an excuse I’m constructing here.

I could run after dark to avoid the humiliation of flopping body parts. But then I would have to run after work, and I’m not really full of energy then. I finish work at 9pm, and still attempt a normal day/night schedule…am I constructing and excuse here? So what if I have to sleep later in the morning?! At least I could get in a jog without totally humiliating myself, right? It won't be long before it's light at 9-10pm, so I'd better start now.

I hate myself for using something like this as an excuse. But you ladies know how important it is to strap down the girls when exercising. The last thing I need to do to myself is 45 minutes of ‘yank - yank, yank - yank’ with each step I take. Ugh! I dare say this is part excuse but part truth as well. It’s difficult to say which it is more of.

I have a big ole vest I can wear that will conceal the flopping body parts, but I’ll know they are flopping and I know it’ll be downright uncomfortable. But at least I could jog knowing nobody can see all the flopping parts.

On other news. I walked at 4mph today! I am so happy about that. I walked for an hour and it was hard, but I did it! So while I try to deconstruct my excuse for not starting to jog, I’ll celebrate the quicker walking pace and not having gained weight in Rome!

I found a new website and it has some interesting tools. It says that if I want to meet my goal by Oct. 2011, I will have to have an 800 calories a day "deficit". It says only "deficit", this seems an impossible task to calculate really. I can't calculate how much I burn doing normal things throughout the day, so how do you calculate an actual deficit. Do you use the calories you need to maintain your weight then the 800 calories under that is the "deficit"? If that's the case, then I'm already under that simply with eating. Another website says that I need 2400 calories to maintain my weight with no exercise. So if I get exercise and eat 1400, I'm way ahead of the game, right?! And I'll meet my goals by this time next year with a deficit of more than 1000 per day. That's got to be a joke - not the calculation, but being able to create a deficit of 1000 calories per day. :smilielol5:

That's how "The Biggest Loser" does it - don't they? They eat nearly nothing and exercise like demons creating a huge deficit...and loose incredible amounts of weight in short time. Inspiring and nuts all at the same time.

I think some of these calculators are hooey.
 
March 20 2010

I don't feel like walking today. It's warm-ish out, although that's actually a good thing, it feels almost muggy and it's oppressive.

I have a headache and the coffee didn't fix it.

Today is not off to a good start.

I'm still chewing on what I thought about yesterday, about creating a deficit of calories and how one might go about measuring that. I'll post something in the forum and see what shakes out.

I talked to a few friends about the idea and while the concept is not new to any of us we really couldn't fathom how one could process the idea scientifically. Mainly meaning that we are missing information and therefore couldn't know at what point the deficit begins.

I didn't go to the farmer's market today. I didn't feel like dealing with the crowds. One of the neighbors upstairs was carted out at 4am, she's quite old, and it has put me right off doing anything normal today. It has me thinking about what it must be like for my mom, being old and ill, and not having anyone around to look after her when she gets carted off like that...as she has in the past. She's in a care home now so there are people who look after her, but I imagine there was a time when she felt pretty bad if not down right scared.

It made me think about how I'm alone, in a foreign country, and how if something happens to me, and who would they call? It's not like my family is listed on any "in case of emergency call" numbers. I don't think I was even ever asked for such numbers at work or by the health insurance company. The two are linked so eventually they'd call my employer, I imagine. But as far as I can tell, nobody would be called if something (God forbid) happened to me. I could be lying in a hospital bed dying and nobody would be notified.

Great.

Okay, so that's about how my day is going so far. Nice, eh? I have a few things to get done outside my little death-trap of an apartment, and I'm sure I'll find something out there to distract me from this heavy thinking. If I don't, I might have to go ::shock, horror, faints:: for a walk.
 
Calorie Deficit

I just did a couple of searches here, and on the net, about this caloric deficit thing. It’s pretty interesting science, if you ask me.

It’s a fairly simple calculation.

In my case:
2719 calories per day to maintain my weight, and according to the same site () I need 2270 Calories per day to loose fat, that's 1000 more than what I consume right now. That’s a lot of calories – based on exercising 3 times a week.

My current reality is exercising, moderately 2x a day, and they have a feature for that. So:

3411 to maintain (2729 to loose)
1200 is what I eat and I burn about 300 calories per day with exercise – giving me 900 calories per day.

3411-900=2511 calorie deficit! “Not advisable” it says.

That seems an impossible number. At this rate I should be a stick figure before the end of the year.

So the science part that I read about is that it’s not healthy to go below a 1000 calorie per day deficit and that 1000 is indeed a huge deficit. The number changes as you loose weight so adjustments are necessary. So if I kick it up to only a 1000 calorie deficit, I can eat an additional 1000 calories a day…which of course seems crazy to me.

Although I’m having a cruddy day today, I’m still holding the mindset of starting to do some jogging, so that will kick up my calories burned, and it might be nice to eat more calories so I have the energy to do the jogging (and energy for all the other stuff I do all day). So let’s say I burn 500 calories a day with the combined walk in the morning and a jog in the evening and I eat 1700 calories, which is 500 more than I eat now. That, minus calories burned, will put me at 1200 calories in for the day.

3411-1200 =2200 calorie deficit. Still incredible! And still “not advised” on any diet sites.

So what I'm getting from this is that the science should prevail over my ideas, and I’ll allow for that and see how it goes. My salads can be bigger and I can have a few seeds sprinkled on it, maybe an extra tablespoon of dressing. Dinner can have an extra helping of veggies and a touch more rice – I know exactly where I will draw those extra calories from and not at all sorry about that to be honest. The guilt from an extra cup of coffee is gone!

So I can stay between 1700-2000 calories a day, which is a huge range in my mind, and still have well over a 1000 calorie per day deficit. Huh!

I’ll be very happy with the results if this works out. If I stick to this plan, I will easily reach my October goal. Now, can I afford to eat all that extra food? That IS the question!

Interesting, this deficit business…I like it. We all use different tools to relate to our personal journey, and I think I just found the most relates to me.
 
March 21 2010

I feel, officially, like my vacation is over. Tomorrow is a work day.

I'm having a better day today. I spoke to my people in California yesterday and feel better about things in general.

I regretted not having gone to the farmer's market, especially when I saw the price and quality of the strawberries at the supermarket. Oh well, live and learn. Luckily for me, there is a smaller version of the Saturday market on weekdays, so the smorgie of vegetation is just a good night's sleep away. Bananas for breakfast gets boring day after day.

I went for a walk yesterday but I wasn't into it. I didn't have the motivation to get moving and it was more of a brisk stroll than a brisk walk...and I forgot my heart rate monitor, which beeps at me when I get below my target heart rate and keeps me moving. Today I have considerably more energy and am looking forward to a good long, brisk walk. I'm still pretty jazzed that I managed 4mph on my last walk.

I'm physically feeling pretty good, so that's a bonus! I like feeling good (duh)!

I'm going to add 500 calories today and see how that goes. I put a full 40g of granola on my banana/kiwi/yogurt breakfast, instead of the 20g portion I had used before. I could also switch to normal instead of low-fat yogurt - that would be yummy. I'll have an extra apple today in that late morning I-want-to-eat-something-but-it's-too-close-to-lunch span of time. And to add some carbs, of which I'm usually deficient, I bought some of that German whole grain bread - the kind that's so dense you can break a window playing frisbee with it. It's not my favorite thing to eat so there's no chance of me overeating it. I love bread but it usually makes me sick when I eat it. this stuff doesn't seem to bother me even if it's not the same as eating fluffier bread. I could certainly use the nutrients (and calories) from it. For lunch I'll add another tablespoon of dressing and more carrots. I like carrots but they are calorie hogs, and sometimes I question why I put dressing on my salads at all. I know it's for the fat, and I'll wholeheartedly welcome the extra dressing. For dinner I'll add a couple of ounces of super yummy fish and extra veggies, and that ought to do it. 500 isn't that much when you spread it out over the day.

This brings me up to 1500-1700 calories a day, just about the right range for the armchair experts, but still leaves me well over 1000 calorie deficit, without exercise. We'll see what this change yields.

Portion control has been a huge thing for me for a little over a year now, so this increase feels really uncomfortable. But if I'm going to find the right caloric intake to balance my energy needs with my weight loss goals, I need to watch the numbers and not worry too much about what quantity of food those numbers equate to. Telling me not to worry is like telling the wind not to blow.

The stuff I use to eat was all good food, but enormous portions. I think the biggest culprit, in addition to the portion size, were the sauces. The person who use to cook for me when I was ill always made at least one meal with a gravy or sauce of some kind. It was always yummy. I would dump that stuff on my large portions and well...the result has me in a constant state of portion-size criticism. I call it food fear. I also don't like to eat potatoes. No, I like to eat potatoes, that's the problem. But it's one of the foods I ate while ill and not only do I associate them strongly with my weight gain, I associate them with a time in my life that wasn't so pleasant. I don't feel good when I eat potatoes.

I think psychology is a bastard when it comes to what we consume for nourishment or pleasure. There are so many things to enjoy in life that have nothing to do with eating. I guess sometimes, when the joy of living gets sucked out of you and the only remaining pleasure is food, the shift back to enjoying life is complicated by the result from indulging in the pleasure of food.

You just don't see 300lb people rollerblading, even though rollerblading is indeed good fun. How long does a 300lb person have to wait before they can enjoy rollerblading? The weight can be a complication to enjoying something not food related. See? And this in turn can further screw with the psychology. It's not a simple issue. It's not fair to treat it like a simple issue and paint everyone with the same simple brush.

Someone wrote to me a while back, pleading with me that I just don't understand that some people "struggle their whole lives. She (or he) was right, I don't understand. It's not for me to understand. I can't possibly tap into psychology I don't know anything about. For whatever reason, a person who struggles all their life has unresolved issues, and those issues probably aren't food related. This is a person who doesn't appreciate the complicated psychology that exists when a person "struggles their whole life" with anything.

This person further suggested that I couldn't possibly succeed because I wasn't prepared to struggle! Can you imagine!?!

What is struggling? Loosing weight week after week...is that a struggle? No. Watching what I eat, is that a struggle? No. Getting some exercise, is that a struggle? No. Celebrating successes and reaching my targets, is that a struggle? No.

I am loosing weight and I have a long way to go, but I'm not struggling with it. I'm doing it. I'm not struggling to do what I set out to do. I also don't lie to myself and say that hiding the box the cookies came in means that the cookies never existed and then commiserate with other people who "struggle" about how hard it is to loose weight. I control my behavior and make sure it matches my goals. It's simply not a struggle. It's simply a process. Like most processes there are ups and downs, and you always go forward, and none of it is a struggle. You are indeed right, I do not understand the life-long struggle, nor does it apply to me.control.

I'm not buying what you are selling, so you and your "struggle" can just move it along sister!
 
March 22 2010

I don't think I'm gonna have any change tomorrow morning for the weigh-in. But I wasn't really trying.

How is it that I have a huge caloric "deficit" without changes? DON'T answer that, it's a rhetorical question!!

I still need to concentrate on exercise. I am completely half-assed about my isometrics. I do them to get them done and don't concentrate on form...I'm practically ashamed! I know form is important for effectiveness...I know this!!

I need to keep in mind that with the deficit I'm working with, any exercise is like a icing on a cake...and meeting my goal in October can easily happen...and everything food-wise is fine just as it is - I only need to keep on top of the exercise. Such an easy task...just do it and the result will make me so very happy!

Today is a good day so far. The larger portions are more satisfying but also feel too large. I'll hang in there. Maybe the extra food will give me extra energy. I worked all morning and didn't take my walk. Maybe I can take it after (the other) work this evening. The sun is shining - no rain, it would be a good evening for a walk.

Nothing else to report. I was so busy today I didn't have time to freak out about anything. :blush5:
 
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March 23 2010

I was surprised and delighted to have my weekly weight be under the goal I set for myself, and only .7 kg away from my goal for next week. It would seem that soldiering on has paid off.

Overall it's not much which kinda bums me out. But I should be doing back flips that I didn't gain in Italy, shouldn't I? Although the general trend is downward those water fluctuations still get to me.

Still feeling like I'm eating too much on this additional 500 calories. I'm adjusting, yet again, and calling it a range to stay within. If I don't feel like eating that much I won't. I can't force myself, like I did yesterday.

I would have been happy with a glass of wine and an apple when i got home from work yesterday at 10pm, but I had to have that last full meal and it sat heavy in my body...it felt like. Learning to allocate the calories properly throughout the day is going to take some time.

I was right, I didn't feel like going for a walk yesterday evening. As easy as my job is, it does indeed make me tired sometimes. I couldn't seem to convince myself, even by playing music that usually gets me going, to get off the train early and walk the rest of the way.

My foot hurts today and it's affecting my mood. I haven't had any problems with my feet in such a long time and I forgot how painful it is when I do. I just have to stay cool and as I said, soldier on.

I'm looking forward though, to next weeks weigh-in. It looks like I'll make my goal, and I can then at least celebrate that. I'm happy to be so close that it's reachable. Even though I pride myself on discipline I still expect some measure of failure from time to time. This is something I don't mind being disappointed about.
 
March 24 2010

I survived yesterday, just barely.

I was so wiped out from Monday that I was weak and didn't feel like walking home but moreover, didn't look forward to making food - even though I was feeling any hunger, my appetite was stimulated by emotional torment and I wanted to put some things in my mouth.

Did I mention that there are TWO McDonalds on my walk home? One underground at the subway stop and another upstairs for pedestrian traffic. I worked at McDonalds as a teen and as an adult rarely eat there. On occasion, on a night very much like last night, I pop in there - even after much contemplation over how unsatisfying the food actually is and how disappointed I will inevitably be if I dare to get something and expect to feel nourished from it... well...it happens now and then.

Just my luck though, the poor young woman working the register, I get home around 10pm, was a bit overwhelmed. She had too many customers and not enough food and her manager was clearly too important to help her out, it was that, or the girl was too proud to ask for help, hard to say. Anyway, I stood in line just long enough to change my mind and walk out. Instead I had a glass of wine and some rabbit food. I was happy with that outcome. See, inefficiency has it's positive side!

I'm still in a foul mood, although today I can't say why. I'm making this short because I want to get to the Farmer's market today, having missed it on Saturday and overpaid for strawberries, I don't want to miss it today. I plan to take a walk and wander around a bit, window shopping or whatever. Just take a break from my work today. I work at home all day on Wednesdays and I start painfully early, usually taking a long break, then start up for another 3 to 4 hours in the afternoon. So I'll fill my time outside with lots of sensory input and hopefully whatever is troubling me will shake loose and get processed.

I should add that I really am happy about my weight loss progress. My pants are hanging a little better, looser. I like it. I adjusted my goals, made them a little tougher for me in an effort to motivate me to exercise more vigorously. I am indeed motivated. To be able to see where I could be when I stick with the program makes me really enthusiastic to get there, despite my foul mood. It's a good mentality to take to the Farmer's market with me.

Does anyone know the nutritional information for bean sprouts? Calories and carbs, & protiens, etc? I haven't found it anywhere.

I hope everyone is doing good things for themselves. I know it's not always easy to be good to yourself, but it damn well should be!
 
March 25 2010

I am wiped out! I don't know what's going on but I am so tired. I'm eating so much food it can't be that, can it? I had 1500 on Monday, 1400 on Tuesday and 1700 yesterday. I can't even muster a walk today. No energy. The weather is gorgeous and I have no impulse to go out an enjoy it.

I can only say that my foot is hurting. I know that usually takes it out of me, but this is a bit much, and I can't wrap my head around that it's just the foot making me feel like this. But it could be and I'm just in denial.

Regardless of the walk or not, I'm still over 1000 cal deficit, according to the charts, so I should take a chill pill, right? So what if I can't take a walk today, or tomorrow...I will get back to it soon enough.

All the extra calories are giving me some fun with my food. I bought an avocado and a mango and yes, extra carrots. The Wednesday farmer's market is more plant & flower intensive than fruits & veggies, I didn't know that, so I'll have to waddle over there on Saturday to get other yummy things - I was missing mini-roma tomatoes like they have in the supermarket. And it can't be that only the supermarket has blueberries.

I'll be in Amsterdam on Easter weekend with a "boy" who eats pizza and drinks beer. I know he struggles with his weight and recently used those pregnant pig hormones (or whatever they are) and basically starved himself and lost over 25 pounds. He might think of this as a vacation and not eat good-for-him foods, or he might be glad I'm there to influence him positively. We'll be in an apartment so I can buy some ready made salads and fruit to cushion any urges to indulge in bad food.

And we'll have bikes so maybe I'll be able to burn it off like I did in Rome, but somehow this short weekend is worrying me more than the entire week in Rome did. When there's another person there, who isn't on your weight-loss team it's more difficult to ...well, I can be pretty stubborn. I think I'll be allright regardless of what he wants to eat. But it's a week away, so I'll worry about it later.

I like this journal thing, it sometimes puts things in perspective. I kinda feel like going for a walk right now!
 
March 26 2010

I feel okay today, now that I'm awake. I had my coffee and fruit and feel a bit better now. I had a headache during the night and it kept waking me up. I still have the headache, and I'm worried, after what I felt like yesterday, that it might be a migraine. I'm in denial.

My feet still hurt. Yesterday the other one started to hurt. Nothing I can do about it but tolerate it. Sometimes when I get going the endorphins will kick in and I can ignore the pain, but it takes quite some getting up and going for that to happen. Not just doing stuff around here.

I didn't walk (for exercise) the last 2 days because of my feet. I've only been diligent for about a month on my walking, and now this. After months of no problems!!

Work wasn't bad yesterday. Much better than I thought. Nevertheless, I didn't eat much yesterday. I should say I ate nearly nothing yesterday. I had breakfast, my fruit and coffee. I didn't think about food until I got home last night at 10pm and realized I hadn't had my lunch. And at that time of the evening I just couldn't muster the strength to bother making something and nothing was appetizing. That happens even when you're not dieting sometimes. It doesn't really worry me that I didn't get enough yesterday.

I was good and hungry this morning though. I measured my food this morning. I got so used to making my fruit bowl that I thought it was time I measured things again, to make sure I wasn't over serving myself. I was a little bit on the granola. It's always good to recheck that now and then.

I need to do what feel right, without going over. If I happen to go under, I can't beat myself up about it.

I'm glad it's Friday even though I have to work a few hours tomorrow. My customers are usually in a good mood on Fridays and it makes things easier to manage. Not that they are in a bad mood on other days, but they seem more cheerful and relaxed and I like it.

The office closes an hour earlier on Fridays, so I get home earlier too. I plan to do some isometric exercises this evening after work. I'm going to add some new moves into the mix. I have my "itinerary" planned out but I need some time to practice the form and ease into it. I don't want to strain anything!

TGIF
 
March 27 2010

I was up until 2am, even though I have to be at work at 10am this morning. Not too, too bad, but it's unusual for me to be up so late. I took comfort in that my energy was up.

For whatever reason I weighed myself last night before I went to bed. I was surprised at the low number considering it was the end of the day for me. Then when I got up this morning, I weighed myself, as I usually do... 4kg difference! I only had 6 hours of sleep and lost 4 kg! That's 8.818 pounds! That's nuts...and it just reinforces (to me) how much water fluctuation I can have in such a short period of time.

So yeah, I've been taking good care of my feet, thanks Verobc for the well wishes! And today the right one feels almost back to normal, but the left one is still a bit unhappy. But then what happens? I catch a sliver of glass...a big sliver, almost a shard! Like I needed that?!! It was more psychological than anything else, it seems fine now.

Oh, but about my weight change overnight...it sure did feel good to see that smaller number on the scale! It's well below my monthly goal and yes, okay, nobody looses an actual 8.8lbs overnight, but I liked the way the shrinking number made me feel.

I worked with my monthly targets for the next year and went a little overboard. But this exercise in crunching numbers motivates me, so why not indulge myself a little? I was thinking that as my fitness level increases, I'll be able to do more, hence burn more (can you believe I just used "hence"?) and thus create an even greater caloric deficit. . . (thus?) My inner lawyer must be active today (I'm a law school drop-out). But really, that would be cool. . . I'm a complete MSExcel whore and decided to make a worksheet to calculate what my reasonable caloric deficits should be at various target weights and how much I can reasonably expect to loose based on recent history. I think at my current weight, and over the past year, loosing weight was/is simply a matter of changing, and now watching, what I eat. But down the road when my weight decreases, I'm very sure that activity will play a much more significant role in meeting my targets.

It's just some fun with numbers. And like I said, if it keeps me motivated, why not indulge?

I think my loss of appetite is due to s touch of flu. I had an immense headache the last two days, and was in a bad mood, but it's totally gone now and my energy levels are higher. My boss had the flu enough to stay home yesterday, and she never does that. So it could be I was suffering a bit with that rather than anything external putting me in a foul mood.

I added some new exercises to my isometric routine last evening and I can feel it today. My shoulders are unhappy with me, but they can just deal with it...'cause I'm going to torture them again today. I don't have dumbells, but I use water bottles (filled with water) as weights. You don't need much weight to have an affect, that's for sure!

I have to work today, but that will allow me some daylight hours to walk around the lake in town...that is if the weather holds. It's not cold but it rained and rained yesterday evening and I hope it stays away until after my walk today. I guess I should keep my eyes open for a rain hat - we get rain all year round here and an umbrella isn't a good accessory for a power-walk!

Sushi & a movie tonight! :seeya:
 
March 28 2010

So I weighed myself this morning, as I do every morning, because it keeps me motivated and focused, and I was still at that surprisingly low number.

I suppose it's possible that the night before last I was "UP" and what I weighed this morning and yesterday morning is where I'm actually at.

You'll have to excuse me, I tend to obsess over water weight fluctuations, and the manifestation of this obsession is that I scrutinize any sudden, significant losses.

I guess the real test will be when (not if) I go under this new, lower weight. I've been counting the Tuesday weight for some reason...because of the March Challenge. It's almost painful to think I have to wait until Tuesday to see if this lower weight sticks. I'm probably not punctuating this properly, but I really am *stoked* to see such a low number.

Seeing this number a second day in a row makes me want to go out for an extra long walk just to make extra sure that this loss stays a loss and isn't corrupted by water weight (or weight in general) at some point.

It started to pour down rain about 10 minutes before my shift ended yesterday, but I managed to get in a walk in the evening during a break in the storms. It wasn't a good walk, but it was, at least, activity. I still don't feel 100%, and my appetite is still low - although yesterday I was indeed hungry at one point and although I drank a bunch of water hoping that it was more thirst than hunger, and I started with a small-ish portion, I ended up having quite a bit of rabbit food before I felt satisfied.

I decided that sugar peas are a very satisfying way to snack. It's almost as nice to snack on those as it is to snack on evil grapes. I use to grow them when I lived in California, more for their flowers than for the peas themselves. I had forgotten how sweet they are. They aren't in my food database and I couldn't find the nutrition info doing a quick search last night. I hope they aren't as evil as evil grapes.

No rain today but no sun either. I'll go out for a walk a little later. A short work week next week is making me very happy. :willy_nilly:
 
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