Where to begin???

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xdeementedxdeem

xdeementedxdeem

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Hi, My name is Dee, I live in Tennesse.
I'm 20 years old and I am 5'1 and weigh 230lbs.
I have been struggling with weigh loss for years, it is killing me, I can't lose a pound no matter what.
My boyfriend won't have sex with me and I am starting to think that it is my weight, which he makes fun of me and my fat rolls.
I am so inscure because of my weight, and i have no self esteem.
here is a pic of me.
I am The one on The left in Black and camo.



Please someone, tell me what to do...either how to lose the weight or gain my self esteem back.
I am really darn desperate.
-Dee
 
You should have a read of Steve's threads in the on topic section.

Also start a diary here to keep yourself accountable, make friends and get help from the members here for any questions you have on your journey.

Really the first thing you should do is get your nutrition under control and what I mean is start counting calories if you haven't already to create a caloric deficit that would produce weight loss in you.

Then find a cardio exercise you can do either from 30 minutes to an hour a day that you can live with doing.

Your mind seems set on this and that is very important.

Without the right mindset for weight loss that can stop a person in their tracks just as fast as overreating when it comes to this.

Also you need support not only here but in your real life.

Your boyfriend's jokes need to go or he does.

People like that will only bring you down not help you at all.

About your self esteem...

Hey according to your ticker you have a lot to be damn happy about.

50lbs lost is outstanding.

BTW, welcome.
 
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Morning and welcome to the WLF. Read over the stickied threads along with a few diaries. Also, you may want to start your own food journal to keep track of your weight loss journey. It'll give other members the chance to get to know you a bit better and to exchange advice, motivation, and support. Also... if you need a tool to keep track of calories, take a look at either or

xdeementedxdeem said:
My boyfriend won't have sex with me and I am starting to think that it is my weight, which he makes fun of me and my fat rolls.
I am so inscure because of my weight, and i have no self esteem.
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I know there's always 2 sides to a story. However, I'm speaking on a personal level here... if he's been holding out on sex, then his ass needs to go. Sex is "cardio".. or at least that's how I see it. haha Good luck with your weight loss.

-Sheryl
 
My boyfriend won't have sex with me and I am starting to think that it is my weight, which he makes fun of me and my fat rolls.
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If that is the reason why he won't have sex with you then his behind does need to get kicked to the curb.. .however, don't make that assumption until you've talked to him and he's given you a reason.. Also, if it bothers you that he makes fun if your fat rolls, tell him to stop.. If he doesn't, then show his behid the curb...

Your significant other isn't responsible for your self esteem, but they shouldn't be doing things that take away from it either...

you're very cute...

Reading the stickied threads will give you a lot of useful information and do ask questions...> recording your calories as suggested above is the best way to go - too often we eat way more than we think we do - so recording keeps us honest...
 
Welcome to WLF :). Maybe start a journal if you have time and post what you're doing for your plan. Can you take walks? That's a good place to start to getting in shape. Cheer up, you can do this!
 
Please someone, tell me what to do...either how to lose the weight or gain my self esteem back.
I am really darn desperate.
Click to expand...

I don't think you will have lasting weighttloss success unless you have improved self esteem first. You have to value yourself and know that you are worth the work and time it will take to lose
any unwanted lbs. Learn to love yourself for YOU, not what you look
like, not what you weigh. You have friends and family who love you because of who
you are, your traits like how kind and thoughtful you are, or that you're
funny, whatever. If you can't honestly find out what those traits are on
your own, ASK them.

I'm by no means an expert, but I have had more success this time around,
and with the help of thise forum because I have used my brain in order
to really try to understand why I had gained in the first place, and why
I wanted to lose. It has to start in your head, and in your heart.

And like others have posted, if your BF is really treating you like that, you
do need to dump him. Maybe you are holding on to him because of your
lack of self esteem, and think you deserve to be treated like that. You
DO NOT. Or that you dont think you can find anyone better. YOU CAN.

Make little changes in your lifestyle- dont think of it as a diet. Keep a journal,
find an eating plan that works for you and start moving. YOU CAN DO IT!
Good Luck!
 
Hey honey! Welcome to the WLF! You are in a great place for support to help you with all your goals. I agree with Mal -- you deserve to be treated better than that and should not tolerate those mean comments.

I know it is hard ... But nobody deserves to be made fun of about their apperance ("fat rolls" -- anything). Period. You deserve to be treated better.

Anyway - I too suggest that you start a diary and read through some of these threads as they will help you a lot. I've only been here for like a month and already have learned so much through others' stories.

Glad you are here!
 
Hmm...

You weigh 230...(as of writing the post)

but you are 70 lbs away from 120...after losing 50...(which would start you at 240).

Something isn't right there.

However, besides that, it sounds like you need to re-organize and re-motivate your life. Here it is as plain as I can say.

#1: Your weight is a function of how much you eat and how much exercise you get in a day. It sounds like you need to eat less and to exercise more. There is no magic formula minus getting into a caloric deficit.

#2: Cut the smoking. What's the use of losing weight if you are destroying your lungs.

#3: As for the boyfriend...does he dress similarly to you? My experience? Guys who do camo, dog collars, dress in black, etc, are usually immature and insecure themselves and they are hardly a source of motivation. Especially given what he said about you. Clean up your look go to college (or do academic upgrading if you need it) and find someone quality.

Michael
 
ExercisePhysio said:
Hmm...

You weigh 230...(as of writing the post)

but you are 70 lbs away from 120...after losing 50...(which would start you at 240).

Something isn't right there.
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Look at the ticker again. She's 70 pounds away from 120 pounds lost, not 120 pounds of weight. 120 goal less 70 away = 50 pounds lost so far.
 
ExercisePhysio said:
#3: As for the boyfriend...does he dress similarly to you? My experience? Guys who do camo, dog collars, dress in black, etc, are usually immature and insecure themselves and they are hardly a source of motivation. Especially given what he said about you. Clean up your look go to college (or do academic upgrading if you need it) and find someone quality.

Michael
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I disagree with the "cleaning up your look" advice. I believe people should be individuals and dress the way they want, as long as their behavior doesn't hurt others we need to be who we are in life and not everyone strives to be the mainstream cookie cutter college sorority girl or whatever you suggested. They can still go to college with this "un-clean" look or do anything else they want to do. Be you, DO YOU.
 
Blancita said:
I disagree with the "cleaning up your look" advice. I believe people should be individuals and dress the way they want, as long as their behavior doesn't hurt others we need to be who we are in life and not everyone strives to be the mainstream cookie cutter college sorority girl or whatever you suggested. They can still go to college with this "un-clean" look or do anything else they want to do. Be you, DO YOU.
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Amen to that sister!!! I went to the university rocking Pennagalan boots, cargo pants, The Cure/ Bauhaus T-shirts.... didn't do the dog collar thing or black lipstick, b/c well... it would take away from my pretty face. HA! jk Mind you, I was top of my class (psych and bio), in an honors academic program for biomedical research, AND tons of other crap. My professors loved me. They didn't care how I dressed. They just knew I was an intelligent "weird" kid. By no means was I "immature"... and I sure as hell wasn't "insecure." If I was insecure, do you really think I would have the balls to walk around school like so? HA!

-Sheryl
 
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You two are making major assumptions about what was meant by the 'clean up your look' comment.

Also there are extremes to anything. Cargo pants and cure t-shirts are hardly statements or being weird. Nerdy is okay in college.

I also love the corporate lawyer espousing 'being yourself'. Pot/kettle. I never suggested cookie cutter. I said cleaning up. Exposed breast tattoos, lip rings, smoking, intense eye shadow, dog collars, etc...it is a cumulative impression. Weight is just another aspect to it.

Here is a politically incorrect fact: if a person cleans up, dresses respectably, starts eating healthy and exercises, they'll usually be far more happy than making statements through clothing attire and rebelling against society.

Michael
 
ExercisePhysio said:
You two are making major assumptions about what was meant by the 'clean up your look' comment.
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I'm sorry.. maybe I didn't quite understand that assumption you made about guys who wear dog collars, etc.. you know, 'usually immature and insecure themselves and they are hardly a source of motivation.'

Also there are extremes to anything. Cargo pants and cure t-shirts are hardly statements or being weird. Nerdy is okay in college.
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Cargo pants and cure t-shirts.... just a part of the goth subculture... you know, the people "that dress in black." I was a nerdy goth chick if you need me to sum it up.

I said cleaning up. Exposed breast tattoos, lip rings, smoking, intense eye shadow, dog collars, etc...it is a cumulative impression. Weight is just another aspect to it.
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So she has a lip ring? She likes to have her tits out...? (Not saying you do, girl.. but if you do.. rock em! ha!) It doesn't matter. If it makes HER feel good, then by all means, she should be proud and stand tall. What you might not consider to be normal, beautiful, or whatever.. doesn't necessarily mean everyone else thinks the same.

Here is a politically incorrect fact: if a person cleans up, dresses respectably, starts eating healthy and exercises, they'll usually be far more happy than making statements through clothing attire and rebelling against society.
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Does that also mean I have to turn republican? :p

I do agree there is a time to dress respectably or better yet, professional. (ie: interviews, board responses, etc) A healthy diet and exercise is a given when it comes to happiness. However, the above statement is if anything, your opinion. Clothing is not a matter (for a lot of people) of 'rebelling against society.' It's more along the lines of "I can get away with it (and look smashing at the same time) and if people don't like it... well, tough shit." Hell, I exercise.... I eat healthy... I wear fancy shamncy suits when I need to be professional... but I love rocking tight laced corsets and 6" platformed boots... I have a marilyn piercing as well. It makes me happy knowing I look good in whatever I choose to wear. No rebelling against society... just making "cleaned up" college boys turn their heads and say, "Damn.. that girl's hot."


-Sheryl


 
ExercisePhysio said:
I also love the corporate lawyer espousing 'being yourself'. Pot/kettle. I never suggested cookie cutter. I said cleaning up. Exposed breast tattoos, lip rings, smoking, intense eye shadow, dog collars, etc...it is a cumulative impression. Weight is just another aspect to it.

Here is a politically incorrect fact: if a person cleans up, dresses respectably, starts eating healthy and exercises, they'll usually be far more happy than making statements through clothing attire and rebelling against society.

Michael
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You have a lot of nerve Michael to say because I'm a corporate lawyer I must be all "cleaned up" and mainstream and so its the pot calling the kettle black. You dont know me, my style, my friends, my background, to make that comment. A job is a job, its not ME. We politely disagreed with your premise (AND STILL DO despite your "clarification") but you're taking it to a whole other level.

I think eating healthy and exercising is a good idea; I am NOT sure how a 20 year old's clothing style will make her so unhappy. As she gets older she'll naturally tone it down a bit, but she can do what she wants while in school and I dont think it will have any effect, unless she runs into people like you who judge people for what they wear or how they look different rather than LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE (this would indeed be a BORING WORLD).
 
a little rebellion never killed anyone... just because a person doesn't fit your idea of what respectable looking is -doesn't mean they aren't to other people... Individuality is still a good thing... Dont judge a book by it's cover-
 
Blancita said:
unless she runs into people like you who judge people for what they wear or how they look different rather than LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE (this would indeed be a BORING WORLD).
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you've just described where I went to high school in fairfield county connecticut - (ok back whe the dinosaurs walked the earth) it earned the nickname Stepford... really a very sad, very vanilla place...
 
You have a lot of nerve Michael to say because I'm a corporate lawyer I must be all "cleaned up" and mainstream and so its the pot calling the kettle black. You dont know me, my style, my friends, my background, to make that comment. A job is a job, its not ME. We politely disagreed with your premise (AND STILL DO despite your "clarification") but you're taking it to a whole other level.

I think eating healthy and exercising is a good idea; I am NOT sure how a 20 year old's clothing style will make her so unhappy. As she gets older she'll naturally tone it down a bit, but she can do what she wants while in school and I dont think it will have any effect, unless she runs into people like you who judge people for what they wear or how they look different rather than LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE (this would indeed be a BORING WORLD).
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It isn't nerve. It is the truth...99 times out of 100 at least. I can count on one hand how many corporate lawyers I know who deviate to any significant degree from the norm...and that is premised on being an amputee. You may have disliked my comments and that's fine. This is an advice forum. You won't agree with everyone.

What's annoying is that instead of doing what most people do, which is offer alternative advice without reference to everything they disagree with, you decided to challenge my post directly. Almost like it was an issue of fact. It would be different if you were correcting an error regarding a nutritional paradigm or something.

You will get very tired if you attempt to act as a third party mediator everytime someone gives subjective advice to another person. Especially in a forum where people specifically ask for it.

Here is another stereotype. Why is it that girls are more prone to commenting on subjective advice given to someone else? Are you angry at society because people are judged for their appearance? Or their habits? Or is it just to feel included? A mothering instinct gone awry?

Michael
 
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