ups and downs and shifting around

[SoSel]

I think I can handle it

Aw, thanks!

 

[SoSel]

Good news!

I checked my college's website today to see if my financial aid posted. Silly me, expecting things to happen so quickly. Ah, but something WAS there! It turns out that in my state the tech colleges get money from the lottery. So I was awarded a lottery scholarship! It's 1/2 my tuition! The irony is that I REFUSE to play the lottery. I would never have dreamed that it could help me in some way.

Another answered prayer. ;]

 

[Boam46]

Congrats! That's sooo exciting

 

[SoSel]

Food

bf- slimfast shake
l- healthy choice mushroom and spinach panini
s- 90 cal granola bar
d- skillet sauteed lean turkey sausage, bell pepper and onion, 3 Jiffy Mix muffins [ok, I over-did myself on that... opps!]
s- small apple, Propel water

ex- approx 2 mile bike ride [how can you judge distance on a bike? I was riding around my neighborhood and not out at the track]

Tomorrow starts my August challenge. Woot!

 

[Boam46]

You can use the website You can map out where you went and it will tell you your distance

Great job today with your food and exercise

 

[Callie21]

Can I just tell you, I just read your entire diary straight. I couldn't stop- you telling your story and everything is just so compelling...I want better for you!!! You deserve better girl I'm 21 and I cannot imagine being in the position you are. You obviously have a lot of strength and determination. Seriously, way to go with holding onto your school plans- it is nice to work hard on that stuff isnt it?

I also wanted to offer you any help possible with the weight loss thing...it sounds like you have a lot to juggle with the kids and all, but I thought I'd mention what I'm doing. It's at physiquetransformation.com and basically they have a computer software that guides you on a road map to rebuild your metabolism and lose fat. There's a lot of information on the site, so if you get a chance check it out...what ric rooney teaches is revolutionary and it's really turned my life around as far as dieting goes. I used to binge eat but now that I'm doing this I am soo free from it- absolutely no desire ever to binge, and I'm losing inches off my body really fast.

I know this is long but reading about your situation has really drawn me in and I want the best for you. God bless

 

[bikinibound]

Selena Girl!!! Where do I start?? I just read your whole diary like that other girl. I couldn't stop.

First of all, your hubby makes mine look like an angel,and I am ready to divorce him. You need to get rid of him--he is no good at all. He has no right to treat you the way he does, and you do not need to put up with his #$&%. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children. If they grow up watching him treat you the way he does and watching you allow him to, your son will think that it's ok to treat women like that,and your daughter will find herself in a bad relationship like yours b/c she'll think that it's normal. It isn't normal.

You've got to love yourself honey. I adore you. I think you are awesome, and much stronger than you think you are. You have a great burden to deal with at such a young age. I cannot imagine having so much responsibility at age 24. When I was your age I was single, childless, and living it up in South Korea. So kudos to you for hanging in there the way you do. Now if you would just love yourself enough to ditch the husband from hell. He isn't going to change, and things will not get better with your marriage. He has some major issues. SOmeone else pointed out that he is classic controller. That is soooo true. LIke she said, he beats you down and then feeds you a tiny bone for which you're ever so grateful. That is BS!! No one has the right to beat you down the way he does.

You are a wonderful person--who cares if you're heavy. True beauty is on the inside anyway. It's time you started seeing yourself for the fabulous woman that you are. Any man would be lucky to have you. And I am firmly convinced that when you do ditch the bastard, you will find a man who loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be. Your husband is incapable of loving anyone but himself. And I think a lot of his problems stem from his own insecurities.

Now, congrats on the college thing. I am so happy that you stuck to your guns on that one!!! And also about not going to Germany with the A-hole. I am all for international living, but you would most likely feel very isolated and trapped over there, so it's better to stay here.

I wish I lived closer, b/c I would give you that great big hug you want, and I'd hold you (in a non-sexual way) and let you cry on my shoulder for as long as you wanted to. Feel free to PM me anytime for any reason.

Kimberly

 

[cinderelly]

Like I said, any ideas are welcome. Does anyone know if you can get student loans and pay day care [so I can defer until I get a real job]? College is just everything to me. I can't explain how much it means to me.

Im a bit behind the 8ball chicky bu ti will comment on everyhtign anyway - LOL...Yes there are loans and bursories and scholorships as you know

gh.
I'm also going to talk to some friends/acquantainces [sp] about cleaning their houses on Fridays when I don't have school. I don't know what rates I should charge though.
My mom thinks I should just charge right into this and take care of my needs. She thinks day care will help me keep my sanity and school will give me direction. Thanks mom!
I might try waitressing. We'll see...

Charge abt 15 an hour or give a flat rate for the house...Just a thought...out here we charge like 23 an hour per one person with the company I am with and alot of solo ppl charge like 30 - 35 an hr but if it is family and friends be resonable Waitressing would be good - pretty much any days and times and hours and tips....

I'm moodier than a 16 yr old girl. Yes, I freely admit it.


Then I remembered a job I was offered a while back cleaning a friend's house once a week. If he still wants me to, I'll go do it. We used to date and I told him I couldn't do it at the time [it felt degrading and I felt stupid now that he's loaded], but I'll do it now. One step at a time.

Then my father-in-law mentioned helping with day care. I love him

Moodier than a 16 yr old Your hard to keep up with chicky!!! As far as degredign - do you know what I currently do for a living - Ive been cleanign houses for like 2.5 yrs...LOL

195.2
I was at this party last night and these guys had been drinking and starting talking about the "fat chicks" at the bar. They went on and on and it really hurt. Sure, they weren't talking about me. And I suppose that maybe they don't think I'm fat b/c I was STANDING RIGHT THERE! But it hurt. And I wanted to cry and run all the way home. And no one understood how much it hurt me. I was so sick I wanted to throw up. So my body retaliated by dropping another pound... lol!

If they were having this convo right in front of you OBVIOUSLY they dont find you fat...Im sorry it hurt your feelings no matter how you feel at least you are doing something abt it and taking action
that is what is important...I liked the body retaliating

Oh yeah, I forgot about my personal August challenge. [Somebody hold me accountable.] My challenge is fruits and veggies, since I rarely eat them like I should.
Aug 1-15= eat 1 fresh fruit, 1 veggie a day
August 16-31= eat 2 fruits and 2 veggies a day
I just thought of this last night. I don't have a reward in mind yet. I'm also doing the 2 lb a week challenge. I don't normally do challenges, but here [pardon the lame pun] losing is everything. ::groans::

Great presonal challenge and excellent on joining a forum challenge

Ah, but something WAS there! It turns out that in my state the tech colleges get money from the lottery. So I was awarded a lottery scholarship! It's 1/2 my tuition! Another answered prayer. ;]

Your prayers are being answered and your karma is shining throughThat is awesome chicky!!!

ex- approx 2 mile bike ride [how can you judge distance on a bike? I was riding around my neighborhood and not out at the track]

Tomorrow starts my August challenge. Woot!

It is called a pedometer - LOL - I wish you luck on your challenges...

You are gonna look into daycare subsidy right - we have tha toffered here - it is the only way I can afford to work b/c they pay for my daycare...if they didnt everythign I made woudl go to pay for daycare...kinda pointless - however I dont have a husband but your hubby is going away and you are responmsible for the kids and household you might be able to get it ya know..

 

[SoSel]

Oh my gosh! There's so much for me to reply to today. Wow. I really, really appreciate everyone who reads my diary and supports me. I was beginning to feel bad about complaining so much online. I have to get it out though. And I really truly need all the kind words. I have been so inspired to take care of myself because of everyone.

I don't know where to start answering all the posts. So, because I need to make lunch, I'll just tell you how my day went.

I weighed 196 this morning. Ha! Weight fluctuates like crazy. I woke my hubby up, left the kids with him, and went to the college. I was able to change a class around [so I can take math with my buddy since 4th grade], get my student id, get a parking pass, and buy 2 out of 4 books. One is offered yet and the other I might not need. ::crosses fingers:: It looks like, for right now, that all I need is 2 books. 19 days till classes! And I might have to bring in some paperwork to verify the Pell Grant. Oh they drive me nuts!

I'll be back in later. Thanks everyone!

 

[bikinibound]

Hope everything goes well today for ya. I forgot to mention the housecleaning thing. I've done some of that myself. You should charge between $15-20per hr. Not bad money, of course it's hard work.

And a 3.9gpa in high school is fantastic--what a brain you are!! Mine was only 3.5, and I made through 4 years of college--so I know you can do it. I think the biggest challenge for you will be juggling family, work and school. But I have complete confidence in you, my dear. Go conquer the world--or at least SC...lol

 

[SoSel]

Hope everything goes well today for ya. I forgot to mention the housecleaning thing. I've done some of that myself. You should charge between $15-20per hr. Not bad money, of course it's hard work.

And a 3.9gpa in high school is fantastic--what a brain you are!! Mine was only 3.5, and I made through 4 years of college--so I know you can do it. I think the biggest challenge for you will be juggling family, work and school. But I have complete confidence in you, my dear. Go conquer the world--or at least SC...lol

I set "impossibly" high standards on myself to make good grades. It's a personal thing. For years I was told that I didn't work hard enough or didn't try AT ALL. The best example was in high school. I had an A in English, but my teacher mistakingly checked the "does not do homework" box. My mom lectured me until I cried. She would NOT believe I did my hw, even though I had an A! I eventually sobbed out "how much better can I do?," and she replied "much better." I quit caring after that. I only made 2 d's in high school and mostly had a's and b's. So, when I went to college at the much more mature age of 21, I decided to prove her -and anyone else- wrong. So that's what I did.

 

[SoSel]

Moodier than a 16 yr old Your hard to keep up with chicky!!! As far as degredign - do you know what I currently do for a living - Ive been cleanign houses for like 2.5 yrs...LOL

It would only seem degrading because I used to date the guy. If it was a stranger, I'd feel less humiliated. I mean, I dumped the guy and now he's making big bucks as an engineer. Stupid me!

Great presonal challenge and excellent on joining a forum challenge

Yeah, my first forum challenge. Woot!

Your prayers are being answered and your karma is shining throughThat is awesome chicky!!!
Thanks! I feel that way too.

You are gonna look into daycare subsidy right - we have tha toffered here - it is the only way I can afford to work b/c they pay for my daycare...if they didnt everythign I made woudl go to pay for daycare...kinda pointless - however I dont have a husband but your hubby is going away and you are responmsible for the kids and household you might be able to get it ya know..

My state is back-logged with applicants and won't start taking applicants again for 3 or 4 months!

[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

 

[SoSel]

Can I just tell you, I just read your entire diary straight. I couldn't stop- you telling your story and everything is just so compelling...I want better for you!!! You deserve better girl I'm 21 and I cannot imagine being in the position you are. You obviously have a lot of strength and determination. Seriously, way to go with holding onto your school plans- it is nice to work hard on that stuff isnt it?

I also wanted to offer you any help possible with the weight loss thing...it sounds like you have a lot to juggle with the kids and all, but I thought I'd mention what I'm doing. It's at physiquetransformation.com and basically they have a computer software that guides you on a road map to rebuild your metabolism and lose fat. There's a lot of information on the site, so if you get a chance check it out...what ric rooney teaches is revolutionary and it's really turned my life around as far as dieting goes. I used to binge eat but now that I'm doing this I am soo free from it- absolutely no desire ever to binge, and I'm losing inches off my body really fast.

I know this is long but reading about your situation has really drawn me in and I want the best for you. God bless

Callie, thanks so much! I'm going to try out that site as soon as I'm done in here. I've already copy and pasted the link. I think it's cute that you call me a strong person- most people call me stubborn. lol! I'm running into a lot of adversity but the challenge is refreshing. I need to keep on my goals.

 

[SoSel]

Selena Girl!!! Where do I start?? I just read your whole diary like that other girl. I couldn't stop.

First of all, your hubby makes mine look like an angel,and I am ready to divorce him. You need to get rid of him--he is no good at all. He has no right to treat you the way he does, and you do not need to put up with his #$&%. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children. If they grow up watching him treat you the way he does and watching you allow him to, your son will think that it's ok to treat women like that,and your daughter will find herself in a bad relationship like yours b/c she'll think that it's normal. It isn't normal.

You've got to love yourself honey. I adore you. I think you are awesome, and much stronger than you think you are. You have a great burden to deal with at such a young age. I cannot imagine having so much responsibility at age 24. When I was your age I was single, childless, and living it up in South Korea. So kudos to you for hanging in there the way you do. Now if you would just love yourself enough to ditch the husband from hell. He isn't going to change, and things will not get better with your marriage. He has some major issues. SOmeone else pointed out that he is classic controller. That is soooo true. LIke she said, he beats you down and then feeds you a tiny bone for which you're ever so grateful. That is BS!! No one has the right to beat you down the way he does.

You are a wonderful person--who cares if you're heavy. True beauty is on the inside anyway. It's time you started seeing yourself for the fabulous woman that you are. Any man would be lucky to have you. And I am firmly convinced that when you do ditch the bastard, you will find a man who loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be. Your husband is incapable of loving anyone but himself. And I think a lot of his problems stem from his own insecurities.

Now, congrats on the college thing. I am so happy that you stuck to your guns on that one!!! And also about not going to Germany with the A-hole. I am all for international living, but you would most likely feel very isolated and trapped over there, so it's better to stay here.

I wish I lived closer, b/c I would give you that great big hug you want, and I'd hold you (in a non-sexual way) and let you cry on my shoulder for as long as you wanted to. Feel free to PM me anytime for any reason.

Kimberly

So many wonderful words in here. I'm so tempted to print this up and carry it around with me. When things get rough, this is the place I come, and it's people like you that help me keep my head up. Thanks for reading through all the posts. I really look forward to "seeing" you on this thing more.

 

[bikinibound]

So many wonderful words in here. I'm so tempted to print this up and carry it around with me. When things get rough, this is the place I come, and it's people like you that help me keep my head up. Thanks for reading through all the posts. I really look forward to "seeing" you on this thing more.

Go ahead and print it. I'm glad you feel that way. My mission has been accomplished.

Just want to add something about your hubby's insecurities. People who are always finding fault with others usually do so to make themselves feel better b/c deep down, they feel bad about themselves. So the next time he starts criticising, just remember it's not about you it's about HIM.

Have a great day, honey. I feel like your (much) older sister..lol

 

[bikinibound]

Oh, and stubborness can sometimes be a virtue..

 

[Boam46]

Hey sweetie,

You are such a strong person. I'm sooo glad you ge to start school soon. I have a ton of confidence that you will do soo wonderful juggling all your responsibilities.

I wish I put the academic pressure upon myself that you do. It can get stressful... but now I'm graduating and I wish my GPA was higher ... its not bad I just wish it was higher... I just don't try because then I can't be disappointed. I'm soo proud that you push yourself sooo hard.

Keep up the hard work... you have soo much ahead of you.

~Jenna

P.S. How many fruits and veggies did you have today?

 

[SoSel]

How many fruits and veggies did you have today?

Opps! None yet. But I skipped breakfast, so... Don't worry though! I'll make it up with my afternoon snack and dinner!
And thanks for holding me accountable.
Sel

 

[SoSel]

7 mile bike ride. I've only done 7 miles twice and 6 miles once. It's awesome. I felt so much stronger today. My time is really improving and so is my endurance. After 3 miles, I used to be in serious pain. Now my butt is getting used to the bike seat and my knees are adjusting to the... whatever it is.... Anyway, I have bad knees. ;] After a shower and some Propel and I feel like I've done this for years. Crazy, isn't it?

 

[Callie21]

Whoa things move quickly here!! I'm about to head back to college for my senior year so I am feeling similar feelings of excitement.

And to add to what someone else said about insecure people hurting others, it's soo true. It's possible that he feels like he doesn't know how to respond to you emotionally so he's just stopped trying. I know guys hate to feel like they've failed at something. But keep up everything!! Life is just going to get better for you as you take pro-active steps toward living the way you want to live!!!


Hope your day is great