ups and downs and shifting around

I can't wait to see the pics! I bet you look amazing.

I know what its like to have no one to hold ... when I lived a home I used to crawl under my desk and hug my blankie and rock and cry (I can't believe I admitted that). Its great that you can go through all of that and still be optimistic:)

So many doors are going to open for you to walk through.:hug2: :hug2:
 
Sorry I have been MIA. I'm stressed a little and hurt a little and just working on doing my best. I've actually strayed from the net b/c of the pain it has caused me. I know that it was the IDIOT on the computer that ultimately hurt me, but the net opens up doors for that kinda thing. So my computer seemed like an enemy for a while.
Ok, a few more paperwork hurdles for school, and then hopefully, I will be set to go. :] Yeah!
I registered for classes and I'll be taking Math 102 (I already have 101), General Psych 201 (already had a pre-req for that too), Keyboarding (which explores all kinds of things other than plain typing), and Into to Law and Ethics.
The hubby thing is still iffy. I mean, what to do? What to say? I confronted him and got more lies. He must think I'm stupid. The months are winding down. I'll soon be free of him but more burdened with responsibilities than before. I'm not too worried. This is nothing major. Just adding school to the mix and I'm smart enough to handle that. He's deployed before and we made it.
I can not seem to eat right or lose weight or exercise. It sucks. I need to pull myself together. On the upside, I will have time in the morning to go to the gym before classes. :] 'Course it's Curves, so it's not a DAILY thing. I'll spend time walking and bike riding [if I ever get one!] and whatever else. No better way to face the day than with an exercise high. hehe
 
Its great that your getting school all sorted out!
You deserve the great education your going to get... its going to bring so many wonderful things into your life for you and your kids.

Exercising before class is the best time I find. It really sets up the rest of my day to be good. After class I feel all lethargic and exercising is the last thing i want to do.

Keep up your great attitude:hug2:
 
You got it girl - Im sorry you still kinda in teh dumps but you will get there - count the months and days till he fuckin leaves :D:D:D
 
My brother and I went on a 3 mile walk. It was kinda a bit much b/c of this muscle pain I keep having, but worth it. The temp was in the low 80's, about 15-20 degrees less than usual. There was NO WAY I could let the weather get by me. :] With any luck, it'll hold another week and there will be more walks. And I stretched afterwards, which I usually forget.
The kids are at the circus with my in-laws, the hubby is at work, and I'm thinking it's time for a bubble bath. Woo hoo! :]
Thanks for cheering me up ladies.
 
Yipppeee for bubble baths and asshole hubby's at work - teeheehee...Ya know girl you can always talkt o me/type to me/vent to me whenever you need to Im totally here for ya and if I was closer to you - Id be there in person in a heart beat:beating:
 
cinderelly said:
Yipppeee for bubble baths and asshole hubby's at work - teeheehee...Ya know girl you can always talkt o me/type to me/vent to me whenever you need to Im totally here for ya and if I was closer to you - Id be there in person in a heart beat:beating:
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Thanks sweetie! And it'd be cool to meet you and talk. You gotta give props to the net for allowing us to meet each other like this. I sometimes don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for the help on here. And you're on of my biggest helpers! ~hugs!~
 
Rode my NEW BICYCLE about a mile today. I was supposed to go out later, but the hubby took his time and prevented that. ~pouts~

Food today-
skipped breakfast
low fat creamy turkey noodle bake (lean turkey, whole wheat pasta, cream of mushroom soup, onion, milk, and parmasean cheese) for lunch
fish (sauteed in butter, dill weed, salt, pepper, lemon juice and onion) for dinner
choco chip cookies for dessert

Not the best day food-wise. In retrospect, I see gaps where fruit and veggies should be. Not to mention, breakfast! I'll do better tomorrow- promise!

However, I did turn in my son's paperwork for daycare and took my daughter for a hair cut. I also helped my friend with his math homework, filled out some forms to take to the school tomorrow, and cooked healthy meals. It could have been much worse, so I'm quite pleased with myself. I feel like if I just keep taking these baby steps, the master plan will be completed eventually. I worry and over-plan and freak out if I don't think things are going right. Like, my weight WILL NOT go down, but my shorts were loose on me today. One day that scale will drop too but freaking out doesn't make it happen. Just steady, daily working on myself will.

I'm off to bed now. Going to get up early and go bike riding. :]
 
Hii, Im Mel and Im new but im already addicted to your posts. I hope your hubby learns his lesson sooner rather than later. God bless your strength
 
Trying_Hard said:
Hii, Im Mel and Im new but im already addicted to your posts. I hope your hubby learns his lesson sooner rather than later. God bless your strength
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Hi Mel! It's nice to hear from you. Thanx for the encouragement. And feel free to come by anytime.
On a side note, I must ask, is "Mel" short for Melissa? I call my Melissa "Mel" so I'm curious. :]
 
Yay! for bike rides:)

Sounds like your taking lots of those baby steps.
Looks like you had a wonderful day yesterday:)

Keep taking those baby steps and before you know it you'll reach your destination

:hug2: HUGS:hug2:
 
6.6 mile bike ride! I feel amazingly good. A little bit sore, but that's also good. I mean, it's not like I was coasting the whole time. Oh no. The trail is up and down, but nothing major except in a few places. I am really hoping to be able to do the whole trail- 14 miles by the end of the year. And for no other reason than I just want to. :] On the other hand, I need to look into exercises just for my upper body. Esp. my baby belly. I can't get rid of my pudge. It seems even more defined now that I've lost weight. Ugh.

BF-2 pieces french toast
L- bowl of cereal

We have to go shopping and get good food. We just kinda ran out. And we've been so busy, we let it happen. My hubby is all fired up about weight-loss right now (no doubt b/c he's leaving the country w/o me) so at least I'm lucky in that he's ready to eat better. He normally doesn't care. He's stacked on the lbs with me throughout the years. Ah, well, we take the kids out to exercise with us. We're not going to let that happen to them!
 
SoSel said:
6.6 mile bike ride! I am really hoping to be able to do the whole trail- 14 miles by the end of the year. And for no other reason than I just want to. :]
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If you keep it up you'll be doing the 14 miles before the end of the year. Just a baby step further each day:)
 
Excellent job you - never apologize - ok - I knwo you are going through lots and I am totally here for ya - I also knwo you are there for me and think of me as I do of you!!! [COLOR]
 
Oh, so for dinner last night the hubby made sweet salsa meatballs. Don't know the calorie intake though. Just some recipe we found online. And we had veggies- broccoli, cauliflower and carrot medley. It was one of those Bird's Eye steam-in-the-bag things. They really help! We don't eat many veggies so anything is a start. I also had 3 cookies. :eek: But I did go out and walk a mile.

So I'm not sore from all that working out yesterday. Far from it- I feel great! I had weird dreams about exercising last night, and how I would look skinny. I woke up feeling so great. [Reality set in later. Paperwork to be turned in, no help, time is running out, great weight crushing down, pseudo panic attack, then things got better.] Ah well, sometimes life sucks. I just keep working. It's maddening how much I have to do just to get into school. Take me, teach me, and let me benefit the world in my own small way. But nooooooo......! LOL! I'm sure they hate the paperwork as much as I do.
 
The schools make everything soooooooooooo complicated to deal with. I've been sent all over campus to take care of very simple matters. Just think of the benefits school is gonna bring once all the stupid paperwork is done with!

Great job on your working out:)
 
Feeling Sad

I'm having a moment of weakness. It's partly because of my weight and my thin hair and my frustration with school. But mostly it's b/c of what I'm going through with my husband. I do so much for him. And he's just pushed me aside emotionally and physically. He used to be there for me and the kids. Now he's obviously distressed when he's asked to help around the house or read a bedtime story to the kids or go for a family walk [to name a mere few]. He yells a lot because we frustrate him. It's so obvious to me that he doesn't love me, but what about our kids? To not want to see me or touch me is one matter. Taking it out on the kids is another. He uses them against me too. They love him no matter what he does and sometimes after he's hurt me, he offers to do something with the kids. When I refuse to go too, it makes me seem awful. They want us all to be together and happy.
My husband is always complaining about needing a break. He wants time alone to himself. No kids, no wife, just man time. And it makes me sick with worry he'll be out looking for tail. I mean, he's doing it from the computer at home. I'm not exactly being paranoid. He gets angry with me when I feel down like this. He hates my emotions. If I cry, he yells at me or just leaves me. He doesn't love me, right? I mean, if someone could just help me understand it'd be easier. It's so hard to turn my back on him when I do love him and I live with him. There won't be a clean break for another 5 months. Oh, closer to 4.
::sighs:: It wasn't supposed to be like this.
 
Still feeling pretty down today. And panicky. Ugh. I hate feeling like there's a panic attack around the corner. I've been trying to keep busy, but I feel overwhelmed instead. I could really use a nap. Somebody hit my reset button, please?

I know music has a profound effect on me, so I'm trying to listen to something upbeat, like Ramstein [Du Hast is a must have] and Papa Roach [b/c Scars flippin' rocks and I've seen those hotties in concert]. Today, nothing wants to work. :[

Last night, a while after I wrote my last entry, I went to my neighbor's house for a break. I drank enough cheap wine to get a buzz and feel a little sick. I exchanged some confidences with my neighbor [a lady- her hubby was working last night], and she's so amazingly supportive of me. I've known her about 4 months and she treats me like an old friend. She's totally accepting of me. She can't stand when I talk down about myself. I sometimes don't even know I'm doing it. I've been talked down to so long, I sometimes think I really am that bad. I can see now that this is going to be a very beneficial friendship.

My husband almost completely ignored me last night. The wine made me feel defiant, like I don't need his support. But I do. I want him to accept me so bad. Oh, when he's gone, I'll be myself again! When school starts I'll be more myself. I'll be spending HOURS away from home, doing something I love. I really love school. I'm a nerd and I love it. :] Ah, a real smile just lit up my face. I mean, my smiles are as attractive as Jack Nicholson's but that's me through and through! Sarcastic, wise-ass, dry humor, smirks- and I like it. Hehe. Well, crap, I think I feel better. Who knew?

Check in later. Hugs to everyone!
 
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