txsqlchick's diary

My recovery from pneumonia is being hampered by my smoking habit so on the way home from work today, I decided to quit.

I've been QUIT for almost an hour and a half now.

Wish me luck.
 
Getting over the pneumonia slowly but surely.

I haven't been able to completely quit smoking but I've cut down dramatically. 10 or fewer cigarettes per day is my goal; I was smoking 30 and up a day. No wonder my lungs rebelled.

Just cutting back has made a difference; I feel much better.

I was able to get back onto my stationary bike today and tomorrow I intend to go to the gym for the first time since my diagnosis.

If it seems like I'm being dramatic, I'm not. Pneumonia is a very serious illness and I did not have "walking" pneumonia. I had PNEUMONIA. It kills 1 in 20 people who get it. It's unusual for young, otherwise-fit people to die from it but it does happen. It can take weeks to fully recover. I'm not 100% there yet and I'm betting it'll be at least another week or two before I feel as good as I did prior to the diagnosis, and even longer to get back the strength and stamina I lost due to the illness.

Lesson: smoking is BAD.
 
Not like anybody fucking reads this, but anyway...

Lots of people who have lost weight are more outgoing and dress in more revealing clothing after losing weight. Not me. I've gone in the opposite direction. The better my body looks, the more I withdraw socially. I don't feel right. I don't feel like myself. I'm not unhappy with the way I look, but I am not comfortable with the attention it attracts.

This weekend I skipped two parties because I simply couldn't handle being out in public being looked at, and meeting new people who have never seen me fat.

I think I need to see a therapist or something.
 
Haha, I enjoy your brutal honesty.

Are you completely over your pneumonia now? And how's the kicking the cigs to the curb going?

I think how you're feeling about your body is quite normal, actually. Overweight people typically don't like drawing attention to their bodies. When they start losing weight, obviously attention will be drawn. Even though losing weight is "good", in the eye of the mind, the attention is bad.

It becomes an exercise in fighting opposing forces.
 
Steve said:
Haha, I enjoy your brutal honesty.
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And I yours!

Are you completely over your pneumonia now? And how's the kicking the cigs to the curb going?
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Mostly, and not as well as I'd like.

I think how you're feeling about your body is quite normal, actually. Overweight people typically don't like drawing attention to their bodies. When they start losing weight, obviously attention will be drawn. Even though losing weight is "good", in the eye of the mind, the attention is bad.

It becomes an exercise in fighting opposing forces.
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Yep...all that fat is kind of like an invisibility cloak guaranteeing that if people DO look at you, they don't look at you in "that way".

I have other issues that I mostly worked through years ago before tackling my weight, but one of those issues leads to an extreme discomfort with being perceived as a sexual object, if that makes any sense. I do not flirt with men and I pretty much expect them to make all the moves, including the first, but will close up immediately if they go too far. If scoring with a chick was a maze, most chicks would be the "intermediate" level. I'm the "so ridiculously difficult that most dudes don't bother" level.

Also, even when I do detect interest, I usually go into denial about it, saying "Oh, so and so doesn't find me attractive." One of the parties I ditched this weekend was one of those situations; a guy in my lift class invited me and a friend of mine (who also goes to the class) says he's warm for my form. Eh...no. I dunno what it is. But I'm pretty much content this way...it's the teasing from other people that pisses me off.
 
I agree with the no one seems to read my blog part lol. I think thats why I don't come here very often any more...there is some really good advice around here but other than that there isn't much to offer. I've fallen in love with a site that helps me actually track everything I need to. I just come around to check on folks I've talked to before.

Anyway, I noticed your ticker...you've done so well! You are an inspiration and I've wondered myself how I would feel about how people look at me once I lose the weight ( because I AM going to lose it! lol). For me, I feel like I'm still the same person inside, but now you want to talk to me because of what the outside looks like...no go buddy! lol But for now, I think I'm pretty lucky to have someone that has been with me through the 30lb gain and has been very supportive.

Good luck on knocking those last 9lbs out!
 
LillyTame said:
I agree with the no one seems to read my blog part lol. I think thats why I don't come here very often any more...there is some really good advice around here but other than that there isn't much to offer. I've fallen in love with a site that helps me actually track everything I need to. I just come around to check on folks I've talked to before.

Anyway, I noticed your ticker...you've done so well! You are an inspiration and I've wondered myself how I would feel about how people look at me once I lose the weight ( because I AM going to lose it! lol). For me, I feel like I'm still the same person inside, but now you want to talk to me because of what the outside looks like...no go buddy! lol But for now, I think I'm pretty lucky to have someone that has been with me through the 30lb gain and has been very supportive.

Good luck on knocking those last 9lbs out!
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Thanks; I've been good but have stalled again! I'm sure if I'm patient and make a few tweaks here and there, it'll start to come off again. :Angel_anim:
 
LillyTame said:
I agree with the no one seems to read my blog part lol. I think thats why I don't come here very often any more...there is some really good advice around here but other than that there isn't much to offer. I've fallen in love with a site that helps me actually track everything I need to. I just come around to check on folks I've talked to before.
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I come around a lot less after I was abused and banned, lol. I just don't view this place the same anymore, for a few reasons. It feels different here too, but that's probably just me.
 
txsqlchick said:
Thanks; I've been good but have stalled again! I'm sure if I'm patient and make a few tweaks here and there, it'll start to come off again. :Angel_anim:
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Now if everyone would take that attitude instead of flipping the fuck out when things stall, we'd all be doing much much better.

Happy Friday!
 
Steve said:
Now if everyone would take that attitude instead of flipping the fuck out when things stall, we'd all be doing much much better.

Happy Friday!
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Don't get me wrong, it still makes me anxious...but I am doing my level best to not freak the fuck out. Experience tells me that this is normal and that if I keep maintaining a caloric deficit, the weight will come off.
 
I haven't been posting for a while because I was super busy with work plus I plateau'd.

Not so busy anymore as this project at work is winding down, plus I've broken the plateau.

I'm now 4.4 pounds away from goal and have lost a total of 102.2 pounds. AWESOME!
 
Holy freaking crap girl! You're so amazing!!! OVER 100 POUNDS?!! Outstanding!

Keep it up!!
<3 Annie
 
hey txsql, thanks for still posting when I was MIA. looks like you've been gone a bit too. i'll have to swing by your other journal and see how you're doing. my weight and my life.....a mess right now and I feel like crap but....yea I'm here. gotta start somewhere I guess, lol
 
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