Hi All!
Thought I would write an entry, as I'm having a hard time and need some majah venting.
I left last Saturday for a ski trip with two girlfriends. These girls are much older, much heavier, and not into the fact that I'm trying to lose weight. I went into this trip being told, "Jill, none of this healthy stuff! We want to have fun!" ...I told myself that it shouldn't matter what I do, that it wouldn't impact their trip.
First pitfall- I have not kept a healthy diet at all...I know I've gained weight since being on this trip...worst of all, the calories are coming from the booze. I'm not really a big drinker, but these gals are. They want to get drunk every night starting at 5pm! And if I have a glass of water or juice, it's "Why ya drinkin' that Jill? Don't be a party pooper!" ...I'm constantly getting ragged on for wanting to tame down the "vacation eating" ...it was so bad, that I ordered a water, and my friends were like, "No...she'll have *insert high calories alcoholic drink*", and I said, "No, I'll just have a water please", and they promptly told the waitress, "No, she's having *blah blah*! Get it for her!"
....Worst of all, last night after they were rather 'in their cups'...some very hurtful things were said. Before I came on the trip, I was working VERY hard to accept that I am doing a great job, and it will show in time- the weight isn't going to drop off quickly. And not with this trip, I'm feeling so frustrated with myself, because I feel like I'm putting myself back at square one....ON TOP OF ALL THAT ...there was a discussion that I don't have very much stamina for skiing (this is my FIRST time skiing, and yeah, my lower back is killing me after being out for 2 hours straight- but I think that's good!) ... so this one gal (we'll call her Atti), says "I'm bigger than you, and I have more stamina. The gym doesn't work. People go and go, and get no results, you're a perfect example Jill. To be honest, you're just wasting your money." ...by this time, I have tears building up in my eyes!
I'm already feeling poopy that I'm eating and drinking bad food, gaining weight, I'm not doing great at skiing (Monday after my first lesson, they took me way up to the top of the mountain on a run, I ended up having to walk half way down because it was WAY past my level)....and now I have to feel like I'm still the chubby gal, even moreso- I'm the stupid chubby gal for wasting her time and money trying to lose weight... UGH...
These girls want to lose weight, but they don't want to put the effort into it...I know that I shouldn't take it personally...the fact that I have lost weight AND inches proves that it's not a waste of money AND that it is working....moreover, I'm learning how to ski, which means it takes more work for me than them, since they've been doing it for years! Stamina sh'amina, I think I'm doing good...I can't let people bring me down.
...it just sucks...I can't wait to go home...I won't be home until Sunday
I'm still having fun, I'm just feeling...homesick. It's silly, but all i want to do is go home, have a big hug from my mom and snuggle my cat.
It's odd, I never thought I would have friends that would put me down this late in my life. I remember in highschool, I had lots of girlfriends that would be mean, and put me down...they were immature, and had low self-esteem..I just thought things changed once you grew up (and these gals are in their 30's and 40's)...
So, the moral of this post is - (1) I'm doing horrible on my diet and exercising, (2) I feel like utter poo and (3) all I want is to go home and have a hug....pretty pathetic, eh?
I hope you guys are all doing well...and I look forward to having more time to check all your updates!
Take care!!
