To happiness...and beyond!

[Tik]

OMG Tik I just want to give you a huge
What a douchebag!
Thanks god you're free now. NEVER go back to that.
I can't wait to hear about the time in the future when you bump into him and you're hot as, healthy and have a decent, kind loving partner to introduce (flaunt) him to!

So sorry you had to go through all of that

You deserve all the happiness in the world dude... Just block him out of your head. As for going to bars and picking up young girls? That's how people end up with genital warts...

I had a really bad relationship back in the day, and literally had to 'escape'. He was extremely emotionally abusive and was very intimidating. I look back now and he just seems pathetic to me.

At least all the craps over and you only have good things to look forward to now xx

Thank you!!! Aww *hugs*

And you're right - I often hope that he gets herpes!!!

When I'm at the gym, I often think about meeting him, looking super fit and fine, and having a handsome well-established man on my arm!! Then I work harder!! Because some day, it'll happen!

If I'm honest with myself, and I don't toot my horn a lot, but he won't find better than me!! He's not relationship material! He's like a child, and I don't think many women will handle what I did! Plus, he's going after icky young slutty girls- really, that's a major step down from refined, educated and shapely me! *hair flip*

I'm sorry to also hear about your past relationship. It sounds like it was pretty bad if you had to escape. It's amazing what you'll put up with when you're in the midst...but like you, I think back and think how pathetic he is, and probably will always be.... do you ever look back and are angry at yourself for putting up with what you did? (Maybe you didn't put up with it, but I put up with a lot for a long time) ... I often look back and get angry. I never thought I would be a person that was in an abusive relationship, nor did I ever think I was someone that would stay in one....

Thank you again for the support *hugs*

 

[AriannaErin]

It's amazing how exercise can clear your mind!! I can relax, but I normally have a lot of stuff buzzing around in my mind. That sounds weird, but I'm always thinking about work, school, and what I have to do...and literally, working out is the FIRST time ever that my mind is clear!! I can go a whole hour thinking about nothing, or focusing on a problem!! It's wonderful!

I'm sorry to hear about your ex...I think it's very much the same! I feel the exact same way- how could he treat me like that after 5 years! How can you go from loving someone to being so hateful and mean....but after I think about it, i mean, he didn't love me for awhile, and he was always mean to me...

But you're right! As much as he always said I was holding him back, the truth is, he held me back! I was settling for a life with him, for a home and a mediocre job! But now I can do ANYTHING, and I know I can- and that's what's important!!

How long has it been since you ended it with him? I still feel that hate, isn't it awful? It's so draining, and just upsetting. I look forward to the day where I have no feelings/emotions towards him...that I'm just indifferent.

If you ever need to chat-vent, just let me know!! These situations are painful, but I think they'll get better *hugs*

Yes! I always thought I'd really dread exercise but now I almost look forward to it, its' become such a part of my routine. I can just go and think or get out my aggression or frustration or just blast my tunes and rock out - it's great!

You are definitely better without him! Settling is never a good thing and I guess it's a lesson learned, you now know what you don't want and don't need and know the signs if something starts to take a bad turn in a relationship (which hopefully NEVER happens to you again!)

It's maybe a year or so since I stopped seeing ... maybe perhaps "seeing" my ex on a regular basis but the few years after we broke up were awful. full of games and lying. Not something I need. He still tries to sneak in there now and again but I'm much better now at realizing he's just a user and not worth my time It does make me sad that I have this anger towards him now but I'd rather be angry at him then let myself be sucked in again and again...

Live and Learn I guess - I know I am on to better things now (and so are you!!) so YAY

 

[AngelWings]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} For all you've been through.

I'm thrilled that you've gotten out of it! I agree that dealing mentally will take time, emotional stuff doesn't just fix in a day... and that the less you hate the more empowered you will become.

It takes so much strength to leave a bad place... way to go girl! I'm glad we have got you here now, because its a great support group... and it helps with the loneliness

There is a guy out there who will treat you right and you WILL find each other at the right time.. its destiny!!

Never loose heart

 

[bluebird123]

Hi Tik,
I've enjoyed reading your diary. You've only been doing this since the end of January? I'm reading your posts and it looks like you've already been on quite a journey. I like how you are focusing on your lifestyle instead of just the diet. Looking forward to reading about your future progress.

 

[Tally29]

Wow your ex sucks and you are SUPERWOMAN! Holy craps I could not handle all of that. Now you get to focus on you and make yourself happy! My sister's ex sucked too and he broke up with her and she is blossoming right in front of my eyes. It's been wonderful to see! She still isn't interested in dating and its been 2 years. She is just really enjoying not worrying about having no money because her ex would use all his and then most of hers.. ugh.

I often think that him breaking up with her was the best thing that happened and thankfully after a while she started saying it herself.

 

[shimeji_sara]

2 dogs!?!! Awww!!!!!! Tell tell!!!! Names, breeds, pictures!?!?!

I'll tell you their names...but don't laugh! (too much)
I have 2 golden retrievers, a male and a female. Their names are Toy and Tina...I said don't laugh!
Excuse number 1: my father named them. Excuse number 2: English is not my native language.
Oh, and I'll put up pictures when I have some time.

And I just read the post about your ex, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, especially since you seem like such a wonderful person. My opinion: you really are better of without him - you know it, everyone who read the post knows it - but after 5 years together it would be weird if you could just never think about him again. Just don't worry and don't think too much about it

 

[Tik]

Yes! I always thought I'd really dread exercise but now I almost look forward to it, its' become such a part of my routine. I can just go and think or get out my aggression or frustration or just blast my tunes and rock out - it's great!

You are definitely better without him! Settling is never a good thing and I guess it's a lesson learned, you now know what you don't want and don't need and know the signs if something starts to take a bad turn in a relationship (which hopefully NEVER happens to you again!)

It's maybe a year or so since I stopped seeing ... maybe perhaps "seeing" my ex on a regular basis but the few years after we broke up were awful. full of games and lying. Not something I need. He still tries to sneak in there now and again but I'm much better now at realizing he's just a user and not worth my time It does make me sad that I have this anger towards him now but I'd rather be angry at him then let myself be sucked in again and again...

Live and Learn I guess - I know I am on to better things now (and so are you!!) so YAY

Well girl! We are strong, beautiful women, and we don't need these men in our lives! We are far better than them, and far better off without them! It's easy to say that, but harder to accept it! But we have too! And I think we've proved to ourselves that we're strong by getting them out of our lives!

I've learned a lot about myself, and how I want my future relationships to be from this experience...so I will take the positive from it, and leave the negative! (Most days I do that, but somedays I just can't! )

I'm sorry you had to go through that...no one should ever be in a situation where they're used and abused like that!

Thank you for your support- and we're going to find partners that are supportive, encouraging, thoughtful, caring, and love us for us!!

*hugs*

 

[Tik]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} For all you've been through.

I'm thrilled that you've gotten out of it! I agree that dealing mentally will take time, emotional stuff doesn't just fix in a day... and that the less you hate the more empowered you will become.

It takes so much strength to leave a bad place... way to go girl! I'm glad we have got you here now, because its a great support group... and it helps with the loneliness

There is a guy out there who will treat you right and you WILL find each other at the right time.. its destiny!!

Never loose heart

Thank you so much for the hug!!! I needed it!

This place is a wonderful support group! I was telling others that it's so great to have this place...sometimes I just can't talk to my friends/family...I feel like I'm burdening them with trivial "relationship" stuff...but it means a lot to me, and it bothers me...so to have this place where I can vent, and express my feels is great! And it's even better that I receive support, encouragement, and warmth from everyone!!!

This community is amazing I love you all!

And thank you again Angel for the support!!!!! *hugs*

 

[Tik]

Hi Tik,
I've enjoyed reading your diary. You've only been doing this since the end of January? I'm reading your posts and it looks like you've already been on quite a journey. I like how you are focusing on your lifestyle instead of just the diet. Looking forward to reading about your future progress.

Thank you bluebird!

I'm glad I'm turning my life around and focusing on what matters to me! And you're right- it's not just a diet and exercise change, it's a lifestyle change!!!

It's going to change my life for the better!!

That's one good thing about a healthier lifestyle- rarely does it have negative consequences! So far I've gain more self-esteem, confidence, endurance, better concentration, and more energy!!

hehehe!

Thank you for stopping bye!

 

[Tik]

Wow your ex sucks and you are SUPERWOMAN! Holy craps I could not handle all of that. Now you get to focus on you and make yourself happy! My sister's ex sucked too and he broke up with her and she is blossoming right in front of my eyes. It's been wonderful to see! She still isn't interested in dating and its been 2 years. She is just really enjoying not worrying about having no money because her ex would use all his and then most of hers.. ugh.

I often think that him breaking up with her was the best thing that happened and thankfully after a while she started saying it herself.

Eee! thank you Tally!! *hugs*

You're right- I now have time to focus on myself! I lost myself in that relationship- and now I have the time to build back a relationship with me, and figure out what makes me happy, and where I want my future to go!

I'm sorry your sister had that experience...but it's great to hear that she's doing well! And it's gives me lots of hope that I will recover with most of my sanity

I don't think I'm going to be ready to date for awhile! I don't want that burden right now! I like being able to go out, with whoever I want!! Spend my money on me and all the frivolous sparkly tihngs that I want!! hehehehehe

Thank you again for the support!! *hugs*

And wish your sister the best for me!

 

[Tik]

I'll tell you their names...but don't laugh! (too much)
I have 2 golden retrievers, a male and a female. Their names are Toy and Tina...I said don't laugh!
Excuse number 1: my father named them. Excuse number 2: English is not my native language.
Oh, and I'll put up pictures when I have some time.

And I just read the post about your ex, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, especially since you seem like such a wonderful person. My opinion: you really are better of without him - you know it, everyone who read the post knows it - but after 5 years together it would be weird if you could just never think about him again. Just don't worry and don't think too much about it

Those are cute names!! And golden retrievers are such beautiful dogs!! I can't wait to see pictures! I would love to have a dog! But I want a tiny dog, like a pug, specifically so I could dress him up in awful outfits and walk him around

Thank you for the kind words about my ex! You're right- I might have to be worried about myself if after 5 years I could just shut him off That's not healthy either!!

*hugs* Thank you again!!

 

[Tik]

Food for Feb 20, 2011
11:00am - homemade Taco salad; extra lean grain feed beef w/ cumin, chili powder, garlic -- ontop of 1/4 head of lettuce, diced tomato & onion and 2 tbs of old cheddar cheese
4:30pm - pizza on ww pita, w/ low sodium pizza sauce, onion, green pepper mushroom, celery, tomato, 2 tbs of old cheddar cheese
7 X 16oz of water

Saturday night out with my friends was great! We went to a cute pub, and i only had 1 beer, and for dinner I had a jambalaya - which is much better than fried food! It was super good!! Then we went for a nice walk, and had dessert at another restaurant! Now, because I'm lactose intolerant, I don't often (if ever) order dessert out! So my friends made a special trip to an organic vegan place where I can have the MOST lovely chocolate silken tofu pie!! It was SOOOOO good! And I also treated myself to a coffee and amaretto! I went a little off the band wagon, but it was worth it!

Yesterday I had a pretty lazy day. i was going to go to the gym, but I couldn't muster up enough energy to go. I spent the day laying on the sofa, half awake, half asleep watching movies. I didn't feel too guilty about not going to the gym, as I have 3 PT appointments this week, and had been to the gym 3 days in a row.

Last night I ended up going over to a friends house and playing Settlers of Catan with him and his roommates. I had never heard of the game before, but it was fun! It's nice to get out and meet new people!

my friend is kind of in the same place as me. about a year ago him and his wife of 8 months got divorced (I was a bridesmaid)...anyways, i've known him much longer than i've known his wife, and they've still remained good friends (she often asks me to call him to do something- and I never do...mostly because I'm busy) ... but anyways! So, he's single, and I just felt...weird....I'm in no way interested in him- he's a great, lovely, funny, and a compassionate guy...but nothing there.

Anyways, he wanted to go for a walk after we'd finished our game, and that was fine. We talked about our relationships and stuff, but you know, I felt in highschool...he kept walking closer and closer to me, and I kept walking further away! hehehe...I had highschool flash backs! It just reminded me that I am not interested in anything right now! The thought of being with someone just makes me insane! lol I'm happy about that though! I know a lot of girls that when they break up and they're upset, and just look for a rebound- I'm glad i'm not getting myself into that situation- I wouldn't be able to handle it! LOL

Anyways, this weekend was great! I had lots of good times with friends, and got to relax! Unfortunately I woke up at 4am this morning with the flu. Totally dizzy, upset tummy, cold sweats, and confused .. I feel rather miserable. I'm sad though, i canceled my PT appointment- I didn't want to ever have to cancel, but I just know I couldn't do it today...I don't feel strong enough to do a push up, let alone 1 hours worth of strength training...I'm pretty sure I would flutter off a treadmill going 1m/hr right now.

I'm hoping it's flu and also that I haven't eaten a lot since yesterday afternoon...I'm trying to eat some toast and eggs this morning at work- and I'm planning on that making me feel better! I have a busy night tonight, i'm going to my first restaurant opening! My mom and her work friends have an extra ticket, and they invited me- I would LOOOOOVE to go! It would be sooo much fun

I feel like I just keep going and going! I have a lovely doctor's appointment today to follow up on some stuff- wish me well!

I want to thank everyone again for all the support! Sometimes we have ups and down, and it's great that I can express both sides on here I find that i am constantly trying to put on a happy, positive and bright image to my friends and family- I don't like them worrying about me- so it's nice to be able to come on here, and be honest, and just vent!

Thank you all!

 

[skkroll]

Sounds like a great weekend to me I had a lazy day yesterday too which consisted of basically never leaving the couch and watching movies on TV. Titanic was on --- love that movie! That is too bad that your weekend has to end with the flu I hope you feel better soon! Take care <3

 

[Tigpuppy]

I'm sorry you are feeling ill and hope you are back to normal real soon! I can't work out either when I'm sick (which thankfully isn't that often!). Just don't worry too much about it and just focus on feeling better for now. You'll get back to it in a day or so!

Take care!

 

[Holly88]

That big post about your idiot ex actually made me smile in parts. Partly the choice of pseudonym but mostly because, as horrible as that part of your life sounded, you're on the other side of it now! The good side: you're free! And that's just such a wonderful place to be. You don't need me to tell you that though, right?

I can empathise with how tough it can be to work through the debris though. It feels yukky to go through that phase of hating someone. I remember how it felt horrible to have so much of your energy drained by the effort of hating someone. Especially when it kinda feels like you have no control over it - you've just got to hate them for a while, whether you want to or not. It does end though. Eventually!

Anyway, speaking of silly pet names, my cats at home are called 'Momma cat' (or Momma for short) and 'Boy cat'. As you may have deduced, Momma cat is the mother of Boy cat, who is a male. I have no idea why I called them that but I did and it stuck

Get well soon Tik and thanks for your lovely posts in my diary xx

 

[katie0615]

i just want to start by saying that you are so strong for posting that about your ex. and strong for what you went through with him and where you are now. i have never been in a situation like yours, but i think it's easier than people realize to get caught up in the cycle of an unhealthy relationship. it starts out good, and then you fall in love, and then each person starts getting comfortable and showing their true colours, but you are still in love, so you justify it to yourself. you got yourself out of that cycle though, and seem to be doing much better.

the anger that you have for him, and the the fact that you still think about him, is normal i think. he hurt you... for years! if you were to just move on and "snap out of it", it would seem un-human. you invested a lot into the relationship, so it makes sense that it will take time to get completely over the pain. i would do what others suggest - use the anger as fuel in the gym. hahaha i would always go for a run when i was pissed, called it my "coping". works wonders. i am sure that you will find in time, if you distance yourself, you will think of it less. again, just a thoguht, as I have never been through it

I'm glad you had an awesome weekend. sucks about the flu good that you cancelled it though i think.... i read somewhere that you can workout when sick UNLESS you have a fever. feel better soon love.

 

[Tob1]

two days late I am sorry, I came so check out what was new and found this. Really insightful look into your life, thanks for sharing. I am sorry you had to go through some like that, If its still in your head its because of all the issued and the way he made you feel. I am guessing more then anything your still pissed at his actions and maybe wish revenge on some level? This is just a guess. You are doing amazing now, stay focused and you will go far! i know it. A smart and determined girl can do anything!

 

[AriannaErin]

Well girl! We are strong, beautiful women, and we don't need these men in our lives! We are far better than them, and far better off without them! It's easy to say that, but harder to accept it! But we have too! And I think we've proved to ourselves that we're strong by getting them out of our lives!

I've learned a lot about myself, and how I want my future relationships to be from this experience...so I will take the positive from it, and leave the negative! (Most days I do that, but somedays I just can't! )

I'm sorry you had to go through that...no one should ever be in a situation where they're used and abused like that!

Thank you for your support- and we're going to find partners that are supportive, encouraging, thoughtful, caring, and love us for us!!

*hugs*

Hugs back at ya! From what I can see so far you're doing a great job on the positive front - I know that I (and a lot of others here) really appreciate that positive supportive energy

Hope you're feeling a little bit better, getting sick sucks and it's hard to keep on track when you feel all icky.

Oh also yay for pita pizzas - I haven't had that in a while but that's one of my fav dinners ever!! so yummy

 

[Tik]

That big post about your idiot ex actually made me smile in parts. Partly the choice of pseudonym but mostly because, as horrible as that part of your life sounded, you're on the other side of it now! The good side: you're free! And that's just such a wonderful place to be. You don't need me to tell you that though, right?

I can empathise with how tough it can be to work through the debris though. It feels yukky to go through that phase of hating someone. I remember how it felt horrible to have so much of your energy drained by the effort of hating someone. Especially when it kinda feels like you have no control over it - you've just got to hate them for a while, whether you want to or not. It does end though. Eventually!

Anyway, speaking of silly pet names, my cats at home are called 'Momma cat' (or Momma for short) and 'Boy cat'. As you may have deduced, Momma cat is the mother of Boy cat, who is a male. I have no idea why I called them that but I did and it stuck

Get well soon Tik and thanks for your lovely posts in my diary xx

Thank you! And you're right! It can be hard, but I am in SUUUUUCH a better place now! OMG...i am so much happier! And it'll take time to get over it all, but I am doing it- just slowly! I have to realize that it's going to be a process!! hehehe

And as hard as the relationship was, I was lucky that I got out of it! And I'll recover! I actually learned a lot in that relationship- so that's good! It was my first love, my first longterm relationship, and it taught me so much about what I don't want in the future- and how a relationship should be!

When it's your first, you don't know sometimes that things shouldn't be like that...you know? So, if I can take the positive out of it, that's the best thing I can do

I think your cat names are so cute! hahaha, I love cats! They make such great pets! So easy to take care of!

 

[Tik]

Sounds like a great weekend to me. I had a lazy day yesterday too which consisted of basically never leaving the couch and watching movies on TV. Titanic was on --- love that movie! That is too bad that your weekend has to end with the flu. I hope you feel better soon! Take care <3

I love those days where you wear your PJs, don't shower, and make a giant dent on the couch!! Ooo Titanic is good! I watched the Green Horney, Life as we know it, and Knocked up...oh yeah, I got through A LOT!!! lol

I'm sorry you are feeling ill and hope you are back to normal real soon! I can't work out either when I'm sick (which thankfully isn't that often!). Just don't worry too much about it and just focus on feeling better for now. You'll get back to it in a day or so!

Take care!

Thanks Tig!! Feeling pretty good today! I'm hoping I can get my butt to the gym! Some times though, you just have to accept that you need to rest!!
Thanks for always stopping by and giving me such lovely posts