This ongoing Rolloercoaster needs to stop!! No more free rides!!

njoyabl

New member
Okay, so I had been using my other thread for a diary, but figured maybe I'll come in the right spot for all of that. I don't know how to link so sorry. I am 5'2 about 190. I've gained a pound I think. I've been craving alot of bad stuff lately. I've been extrememly tired and not getting any sleep. I was doing well before. Balanced diet and exercise, drinking lots of water, then all of a sudden for the last four days I have been to tired to barely get up from my desk at work. My 5 month old baby doesn't exactly sleep through the night, but has gotten better since being prescribed another cream for his skin. I have been giving in to my cravings alot lately, and just feel aweful for it..
 
This week has just been really bad. I'm considering this my week off. Plus my baby has been up until 4 something in the morning several times this week! Wow, I think I might be done having kids. I'm barely making it to work. His schedule isn't right because of all those months waking up in the middle of the night with itchy skin needing to be rubbed down. Now that it is 80 percent better, it has only been 2.5 weeks, he wakes up wanting to play! Then if you don't pick him up he is screaming his head off. I think he is trying to force me to spoil him. I was texting his dad last night saying, "please hurry up and get off and come and get this boy from me!" He won't let me sleep! LOL! My diet has been really screwed up, I have noticed that when I don't get the proper sleep that my hunger habits are different, and then when I get hungry because I'm not starting my day off right, that I crave sweets. Then if I give in, I crave more of them. I'm so tired I'm not able to effectively keep up with my schedule and I forget my food at times, rushing trying not to be late for work. I did not weigh myself yesterday which I was supposed to do for my april challenge. I will do it tonight and post. I know I have to of gained. I will jog in the park tomorrow, and hopefully get myself moving, workout on sunday, and get back into my regular routine the best I can. I have decided that when I am just too tired that maybe walking the baby in the stroller will do. I don't know. I'm still excited about losing weight though, so just know I'm not giving up.
 
Okay, I am being so stupid. Falling off can be treaturous if you just don't know when to get back up. For goodness sakes, I have been procrastinating and I feel it. I feel bad about it too, but I'm so tired that I think I'm like okay, I'll get to it tomorrow. Where is my motivation? Stress can do alot of things to you. I started out really bad today. I need to do this diary thing alot often, I need to see what I am doing, and maybe a little constructive criticism will help me too.

This morning:
1 glazed donut (I wanted it as soon as I saw it!)
Starbucks cold coffee 240 cals

After indulging in this on my way to work, I realized, omg! I am sabotaging my weightloss! It wasn't just today, I've just been going off for over a week! With one day of exercise, and drinking wine on two different days, not alot, but not even thinking about moderation either.

So, I called in late and stopped at another store, because I hadn't packed lunch and didn't want to be caught in getting something quick later.

I got a 6 in wheat bread sandwich; turkey and mozzerella with mustard.
banana
apple (already at work)
orange
one cheese pack string mozzerella
iced tea (sweetened, could have done better)
and brought change for water.

I will break this up throughout the day.

Last night, I took out a pack of boneless chicken breasts, and will bake tonight with a variety of herbs and brown rice with mixed veggies.
Hip Hop Abs is on the list.
 
Dear Diary,

There are a lot of things going on in my life, and as of yesterday, so very drastic changes in my relationship. Although going through it all, as a woman we often times prepare for the worst, but you never expect it to be as hard as it actually hits, but either way, I am ready. I vow not to sabotage myself or my weightloss progress over this. I started this for me, and thus will continue this for me. If I don't love me, and take care of me, then who will? No one. I am not happy and smiling today, but I am not in turmoil and am healthy, so taking it one day at a time, I will document my progression with everything that hurts or helps. Today I am down 0.8 pounds, my first loss in 1.5 weeks which is good. That is what I am smiling about and my children and I will take a much needed stroll this evening to get some fresh air and exercise. See ya nest time.
 
You sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment (no pun intended :) ) and the fact that you are losing any weight at all is an amazing achievement. Keep at it and you will start to feel so much better. Good luck
Val
 
You sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment (no pun intended :) ) and the fact that you are losing any weight at all is an amazing achievement. Keep at it and you will start to feel so much better. Good luck
Val

Thank you so much. I do plan to keep at it, and stay focused. I have a school load and a work load, so those other things, I'm pulling them out of the basement and throwing them out the door, no need to hold on to junk, that just creates more, right!?! So yes, I am definitely going to lose this weight, besides, I think by the end of the summer, my little summer dresses will be looking real sexy with me in them! Thanks for stopping by my diary. Your comment does make a difference.
 
Hello

I find it amazing that even in very stressful time you are very focused on your weight lose. You will get through this a stronger women who is happy with herself! You can do this.
 
Hi Njoyabl,

I finally found your diary! I'm sorry that you have so much going on right now, I know how stress can easily turn into a cheat fest, and even though you have been giving into some of your cravings you still seem really determined to do this for yourself and I think with that positive attitude you will do it! I was so excited to see that you do hip hop abs, do you like it? When I said in my diary that I started out working out 20 minutes a day it was with hip hop abs! I think I lost my first maybe 35 pounds from doing just those dvds, so keep it up, you will see progress! I agree with you the coming on here and logging your progress in helpful in staying on track. Keep working hard.
 
Hello

I find it amazing that even in very stressful time you are very focused on your weight lose. You will get through this a stronger women who is happy with herself! You can do this.

Thanks Verobc. I have learned that going through these things just makes you stronger, and you learn from them. Life happens, and in the mist, you cannot lose yourself. I've lost myself many times in the past, but I have learned the it doesn't benefit me at all to dwell and let other parts of my life spiral out of control. I still have to get a hand on the school work thing though. So tired of it, blah. Hugs!
 
Hi Njoyabl,

I finally found your diary! I'm sorry that you have so much going on right now, I know how stress can easily turn into a cheat fest, and even though you have been giving into some of your cravings you still seem really determined to do this for yourself and I think with that positive attitude you will do it! I was so excited to see that you do hip hop abs, do you like it? When I said in my diary that I started out working out 20 minutes a day it was with hip hop abs! I think I lost my first maybe 35 pounds from doing just those dvds, so keep it up, you will see progress! I agree with you the coming on here and logging your progress in helpful in staying on track. Keep working hard.

Janvier, thanks for stopping by! Nope, nope, not cheating, I've done incredibly well today. I love Hip Hop Abs, and I have Turbo Jam also. I would love to get more of these in, especially since I'm not getting much time at the gym. Shaun T is fun, and keeps the workout exciting! I wonder about him shaking his booty sometimes though LOL!

I have every intention on hitting my goal, non stop work, and fun too!
 
Hey

I was doing hip hop abs too but my DVD player broke, as soon as I get a new one then I will start that again!
 
Good luck with the rest of the week. Stay focussed and positive. We are here to listen.

That means a lot, you just don't know. I feel like I have more support just from joining this forum than I have in my personal life. I'm the type that just doesn't talk about my own life, afraid of people passing judgement and running around town with my business. But here, I don't worry about that sort of thing, and people hear really do listen and give you so more support and encouragement. Thanks juni.

I weighed myself today, down 1.2 pounds! I don't know how I did that honestly!
 
Okay, so yesterday went really well, dang I can't really think of what I ate, but it was good, lunch was a small side salad, and half of a 6 inch subway melt. I had turkey in my salad, and a bottle of water. I ate a lot of fruits yesterday. I can't remember mainly because I am having brain drainage at the moment, and searching the forum in between my work at work (shh). Did the total body on the hip hop abs, got a good sweat, then did some laundry and cook tonight's dinner which was chicken and rice, haven't figured out the veggie yet, my kitchen is bare at the moment.

Today.
I was an hour late for work because I had to go back home and get my baby's milk that I left, then left it again and had to go back. (Brain Drain) probably from him keeping me up most of the night. My sister had baked a small personal pizza (yes early in the morning) I grabbed a small slice (yes very small, and then crust) and ate that on the way to work. I had one of my son's strawberry granimal smoothies which he says he doesn't like ( they are miniature too!) and I had an apple.

Arrived to work 9:30 am. Ate lunch at 12 with everyone else, o yeah had a coffee with no calorie sweetner at around 10 with sugar free french vanilla creamer. Lunch, I didn't make it here to go to the dining room to get the free food, where I would have had a salad with turkey, and veggies, so I had ate the oat meal in my desk. Strawberries and cream, one medium apple, some coffee, and was on my second bottle of water for the day.

I've got fruits and veggies for snacks today, I know I'm lacking in the protein region, but hey my schedule is kinda hectic and I'll make up for some of that. Today I will be going to the gym at about 6 pm. I am going to finally try the stair master which I asked Janvier about and still never did it yet. She says it's great and her progress is great so YEAH, I'M BEING A COPY CAT! Well that's all folks!
 
Hi Njoyabl,

For such a busy mom on the go you are doing incredibly well! I am tired from just taking care of myself so I have no idea how you do it but good for you! Shaun T is really fun! Even though I can quote him word for word at this point he still makes me laugh lol. I love the total body burn! Turbo Jam is great too! I am trying out P90X this weekend- It looks like a challange but I am hoping it will help me get to my goal. Great job in packing some healthy snacks. I am so excited for you to try the stepper! Copy away, I am just happy to of had an influence on you. I am crossing my fingers that you will love it, its really burns those calories. I'm looking forward to seeing what you thought of it. Keep up all of your good work! Your doing really great!
 
Hey there, thanks for stopping by my journal :) I agree with Janvier, for a busy mom you are doing great!! I think the most important thing is to remember that it doesn't matter how many times we fall off track, it matters that we keep climbing back on. It's taken me a long time to not give up when I have a bad day...one bad day isn't cause for a bad week, or month, or year. It's great to have support for days we screw up, so they never become more then that :) I'd love if we could do this together.
 
Hi Njoyabl,

For such a busy mom on the go you are doing incredibly well! I am tired from just taking care of myself so I have no idea how you do it but good for you! Shaun T is really fun! Even though I can quote him word for word at this point he still makes me laugh lol. I love the total body burn! Turbo Jam is great too! I am trying out P90X this weekend- It looks like a challange but I am hoping it will help me get to my goal. Great job in packing some healthy snacks. I am so excited for you to try the stepper! Copy away, I am just happy to of had an influence on you. I am crossing my fingers that you will love it, its really burns those calories. I'm looking forward to seeing what you thought of it. Keep up all of your good work! Your doing really great!

I posted my opinion of the stair stepper in your journal, it was a challenge to be reckoned with, and I am going to use it again on saturday! I am so glad that you are trying the P90X so that you can keep us updated! I have been watching that informercial for months, too chicken to try, afraid I'll be wasting my money because it would just be to much for me. I've considered the Insanity also. Wow, please let me know how it is.

Yeah, I guess I am a busy mom, and sometimes it wears me out, but it doesn't get in the way too much, they just come along and keep me entertained in the process. They can be so funny, so they keep me happy and enlightened which is a great motivator.
 
Hey there, thanks for stopping by my journal :) I agree with Janvier, for a busy mom you are doing great!! I think the most important thing is to remember that it doesn't matter how many times we fall off track, it matters that we keep climbing back on. It's taken me a long time to not give up when I have a bad day...one bad day isn't cause for a bad week, or month, or year. It's great to have support for days we screw up, so they never become more then that :) I'd love if we could do this together.

Hey SkinnyB***h! Gotta love the name. Thanks so much for you comment and encouragement. Guess what? I had a brownie this morning, couldn't help it, someone brought them in, but hey, I don't feel bad about that at all. I know that I have been working hard and by mid day, I'll probably burn those calories, and everything esle I have is very healthy. We are going out to eat today for Administrative professionals day, and I already have planned what I am ordering. The only thing is, everyone is going to want to drink, and there may be a temptation there. I am only a social drinker and can do without, but sometimes you are having fun, and just get drawn in a little. I would love for us to be able to support each other! I have grown very fond of this site in such a short amount of time and have grown fond of many indivisuals here, even some that I don't even think still participate (Before and After photos). They are so inspirational. TTYL!
 
Okay, yesterday, i got the least amount of workout ever, but my legs were sore from the previous day so I'm not sweating it. I ate a lean cuisine for dinner, and was surprisingly satisfied. Tonight I am going to cook cabbage. I always figure out different ways to cook it, I have amazing recipes. I've decided that it would be more like a soup with all kinds of crazy veggies in it, and I have some turkey drum sticks to boil in there and fall off, so it'll be like turkey cabbage soup. It'll have a bit of spice since I love spicey food, but not too much, because my son loves cabbage.

I tried the stair stepper, even though my legs were sore from working out with Shaun T, but I still think I did well. 10 minutes of that crazy thing, and was sweating like it was 200 degrees! I'm going to do it again, and hopefully make it apart of my workouts. Tonight I'm taking it easy because my legs are still sore, but I'm still thinking about doing on of the Hip Hop Abs and just go low impact.

I had a brownie, early this morning about 6:45 am. I had to be to work by 6:30 and a co-worker brought them in, but I'm not crying over it. Everything else will be healthy, and we are going to lunch where I will have a turkey and mozerella, with assorted veggies in the middle. I will be in the gym tomorrow morning, no matter what.

I have good news!! MY BABY SLEPT COMPLETELY THROUGH THE NIGHT!! Oh my goodness, I had the best sleep ever, even though I woke up to check on him. Out like a light, and peaceful as ever. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this one. I pray for many more nights of this. <So energetic today>
 
The weekend wasn't bad, not exactly good, but it's great that I'm maintaining my weight at 188. Honesty, I find myself being able to do really well throught the week and usually semi well to just doing whatever on the weekends. The weekdays are all routine, and the weekends aren't it's just whatever, but I have been able to lose the weight usually throughout the week and not gain it back. Does that make sense? It isn't that I am eating alot, but I forget about the fruit, and maybe go somewhere and have something that I shouldn't, and not that there is anything wrong with it, but sometimes I overdo it and sometimes on both days, yet I also think that it is keeping me from Plateauing. I could be wrong, maybe I could be losing more if I didn't do it, but I've done really well all week and never lost any more. I'm still pretty active throughout those days, except saturday was a lazy day. Eating wasn't my problem this weekend. I drank. Friday my boss took the office out and we had some drinks. Then saturday night it was time to celebrate a friends' birthday, so we went out and drank. Of course when I woke up sunday morning, i was starving (alcohol makes me hungry), so I ate like 2 hot pockets! Then I called my babysitter checked on my kids and went back to sleep for like an hour, and woke up, and ate a cheeseburger, then I got sick, yuck. After that, I felt better though. The rest of the day was fine, I was grouchy though.

Today, isn't a good day. Over the weekend, I lost my debit card, so I had to call and cancel that. I found out that the check that was stolen a month ago has been cashed for $100 dollars. I had asked the bank to look for it, so that it could be caught, and if someone did try to cash it, I could fine the police report. I guess I should have just done it anyway. My baby sitter wasn't home, and I called her over and over again just for her to finally tell me that she had said that she could not keep the baby today, and most of this week. I told her that she never said that, she only told me that her baby had to go to the doctor for not feeling well. She never gave me the memo, so I had to calle around and inconvenience other people, and to top it off, I didn't have much gas in the car. I ended up being late for work. And feeling like crap already, I walk in and they have DONUTS on the table for employee appreciation week! So here is the start of my day.

I sorry to be so long and complaining, but I just needed somewhere to cry. It is so hard trying to keep your composure, and not be able to really express how you feel and that frustration. I feel so overwhelmed. I did eat a donut, but I have salad and cucumbers today, so I think I will be okay, just whew.... At least I can smile when I look in the mirror because I see the weightloss. I mean it is only 10 pounds, but you'd be surprised. Thanks for reading. Wish me luck guys.
 
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