This is the time

Hey Kerry,

Boy can I ever relate to you:)and pretty much everythign you have said.I have been dealing with and going through all that lately:(Just havent been able to refind the balance I had for such a short amount of time HEH.It is very hard. I also find I can have one area working fo rme but not the others, putting it all back together as a whole is super hard:(One step at a time though.

I have my exercising back, my eating is pretty decent, i need to work on getting my meditation daily agian and doing my yoga.

It isnt easy...that is for sure:hug2::hug2::hug2:

I loved your statement of your kids swallowing up your time, that is a well said sentence, greatly verbalized:D!
 
It's great that you're out of your slump. One step at a time is certainly the reliable way to go and sometimes the only one we're actually capable of. That's where I'm at too.

I had an ok day today. For me. I looked to try to get my walk earlier, and managed it. I ate better than yesterday. Yesterday I thought I'd done ok, but I'd planned dessert then got caught up in something else and delayed it - well so then I ate it by itself and ate twice as much. Not an edifying situation ... but the good from that was that I had pretty much the same food today and then after the main part of my dinner, I didn't really feel satisfied and did want the planned dessert (a high cal dessert, but I'm trying this step-by-step thing). Anyway, I was still not sure if it would lead me to a double dose like yesterday ... and it didn't. There was a moment - but it was a teeny moment, I got distracted and it was gone. There's definitely value in tying the sweet junk to the end of a proper meal, as an intermediate step for me. Now I haven't had a day of great calories, but I haven't had a real binge either.

Plus this time I got my walk.

I don't know where I'm at emotionally. I have this big thing going on with some of my friends that looks like permanently affecting my time on-line, a really significant part of my life. And at home, we're looking at what we can do to tighten up our finances, both things that have seemed mega stressful to me in the past but right now I just feel a bit nervous. Nothing worse. Maybe because I didn't have any real issues with rushing to get things done today - I just took my time - I just didn't have any of those negative buzzes that are so quickly followed by the impulse to overeat. Funny. I think it's just the idea that for now, temporarily, I have enough time. I even had a small run in or two with my boy and big run in with my printer! But the drive to eat like crazy wasn't here. I had a big patch of downtime working with some photos. I guess that kinda compensates. Also I saw the dentist and don't have to go back. That was cool.

I'm grateful that I feel better. And I see that it's partly because I've been working at this and giving it attention the past few days. Still it creeps me out to have such recent memories of being ridden by the sugar monkey. I suppose that was partly what helped me make the change to the extent I have - I really hate the sense of compulsion. Once I get to the stage of wandering around constantly wondering how to feed it I get a bit rebellious about it. Kinda - "Leave me alone!! I don't have to do this!!"

Well hopefully it won't be back too soon. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself to cope for long if my attempts to get healthier are a massive struggle just now. I do sort of feel confident that I can persist with it if I don't try to move too quickly though.

Tomorrow is the car service day. Also I really really need to make a big push with the sorting out and tidying up and rearranging and so on that's needed here. I know it will make things heaps speedier for me later on, if I can get it right.

Oh, and I still have to remember that I need to take time out to walk! (Well I probably will have to walk back and forth for the car - that's quite a trek - but my husband might be around and drive me - then I will need a planned walk.)
 
I am such a cheap drunk. Two glasses and I didn't finish the first one and I haven't finished this one. Crap an dmy typing is slurred, only you mostly can't see it (cos yanno, I am sober enough to repair it mostly). Maybe it's really four glasses cos of the way the big glasses lie? Umm. markedd down to three cos I haven't finished this and didn't finish the other one before the top up. (and of course, feels like 6 cos I haven't eaten)

Well whatever, I can't drive cos I put my old bomb in for a service and now the mechanic reckons it's running much better, but it just won't start. :D Apparently the petrol pump is stuck on ... ? and even though I dropped it in for an innocent service and tune up at 8:15 this morning (while he was unlocking the door barefoot, despite saying he'd be there at 8:00) ... I do not have it back.

So I cannot go retrieve my children (from whereever) regardless. Not as a driver anyway. Also I don't need to ... but it makes a difference to know that even if I wanted to I wouldn't have to cope with the ute (= pickup truck), and an unfamiliar stick shift, and the side mirrors and so on ie I am just not going to drive tonight. I lost my car keys last month and had to drive the thing to get my boy and I KANGAROO HOPPED it! -not while the boy and his friend were in the cab thankfully - seeing as my son had to balance on one hand and half a foot, the whole way home to preserve his potential fatherhood.

So far today I have eaten just fine. I am not going to have take-away food tonight seeing as I can't drive to get it unless in the monster, and my son was not prepared to bring back food on his skateboard ...

So we are planning grilled lamb, baked beans and (chips). Geez this boar(edit:"d") brings out my guilt ... I don't even care about chips actually, so maybe I'll have a microwaved potato instead. uuugh and then, you know, my day's calories will be under - no maybe the wine will have rescued me ...

*retreats to forums where drunk is more commonplace, to mourn the absence of banned friends*
 
Sheet, but yanno, I just realised it's only eight thirty (yanno typing eight thirty is the equivalent of saying peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers), and omg now I will have to keep this up or go to bed early or oooo noooooooo crash. I am NOT doing the crash.
 
:rofl:AAAhhh Kerry:rofl:Your a hoot:rofl:

Im a very cheap drunk myself.I rarely drink and when I do usally buy my second glass im totally feeling it.


:hug2:Im sorry to hear abt your problems with your friends.So do you have online fighting friends adn online friends who have been banned? Either way that totally sucks and Im sorry it is affecting you adn your online time:hug2:

It is good you got your walk in the other day adn Im sorry about your car....I was laughin my ass off at your pick up driving stick story:D

:DIm also happy to hear you had a couple good eating days adn no binges:D!!!
 
Yeah. No binges - and I walked again today. :D So that's two days where I met my (extremely low) target for the day.

My friends are good really (in that they are all fine individuals despite their issues), but one of them stuffed up real bad and is banned, and I think it might smash our group to bits. I'm sure we'll all still be around and crossing paths (based on the explosions, splinters and so on of the last few years), but we had something special going and that might not survive.
 
Hi there. :) Thanks for the thumbs up.


Well today was cool. Right now I'm hungry. That's awkward, because I don't think it's appropriate for me to eat. Umm oh maybe a potato. There is a woman who has a theory that a potato before bed is good because it primes your hormones for self control, so I have been tossing up about adding that in. The last couple of days I haven't felt a lot of impulse to eat badly, and I like the idea of getting back to not feeling like I have to eat before bed. But feeling like I might actually be hungry at this time of night is always an awkward one. So anyway, now I have a potato in the microwave.

The potato has to have the skin on. It can have fat added (but I'm not interested in that), and it has to be some time after a meal, and not be eaten at the same time as any protein (including the bit in milk). Potatoes not Prozac by Kathleen D'Maisons. The idea is that it contains triptophan, which is needed to make seretonin which is a feel good hormone which helps control impulsivity. She reckons it can be hard for triptophan to get taken up at the right time because if there is also protein being digested, that takes priority. The potato skin is to slow down the rate of digestion. LOL! I dunno. I'm hungry. The first few days I start eating better I often find easier because hunger's not much of a factor. Once it's thrown into the mix, things get more awkward. Right now I can't tell if I have a proper hunger or not but I don't suppose the skin-on potato will hurt.

Anyway, as I was saying. Today was pretty cool.

We got my car back. It cost heaps more than we expected, but the mechanic had gone online to find out how to get it working again and the things he did, have fixed problems I didn't think we could sort out. We thought it needed a replacement transmission and it turns out it just needed to be tuned better (only you couldn't tune it properly because of some muck in the wrong place). Anyway, two services ago, our last mechanic told us to just get rid of it! (Because he reckoned it needed a new transmission plus 2 days at an auto-electrician). We just kept it and hoped it didn't die before we could replace it, but now it doesn't seem like it is dying at all! So ... I'm sure you were all hanging out for that story! It seems like brilliant news to me though. The car has been driving like dog for a whole year.

Anyway, at first I wasn't sure if it was really fixed or not, so I thought I would challenge it to a couple of spots where it always acted up the most, and drive it to the beach. It took the hills in it's stride! And I got the most brilliant walk.

Well, it felt brilliant at the time. I know I've been doing very little, so I thought maybe just upping the time to 40 minutes would be good and set my timer for 20 minutes, planning to turn when I got to that, but I had my music on as well and 20 minutes seemed so short that I kept going. I was there for an hour walking briskly and taking heaps of instant snaps. It just looked and felt so beautiful there. I was really happy.

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It looked kinda like this, except it was afternoon so the water was blue not grey. Also you could actually sea a yacht and surfers and so on. :D

I did get a twinge very early in one hip, then in a knee, and thought maybe I'd upped my walking speed a bit quicky, considering it's a concrete path, but those went. However, by the time I got back to the car I could feel that the muscles in my bum were tightening a bit, and when I got out of the car I got an odd stab in my hip that I was working on in January and haven't had for a couple of months now. Sooo - ibuprofen for dinner. Heck. A one hour walk and I'm feeling it, that's pretty crap really. I just loved the walk though. It really took me back to the feeling of exercising nicely and loving it.

A gazillion photos. I am used to the way that most of them don't turn out at all and none of them capture what I see, but somehow taking them has a meaning of its own and makes the walk more exciting. Actually I was thinking that it's partly because there's an art aspect to it that switches on the right side of my brain - the part that lets the time disappear without measuring it. Partly I just think it makes the sensations more memorable. It certainly makes me think I want to keep up the walking and taking photos thing. I just have to make sure the photos are just quick snaps leaving the walk still useful. I don't suppose this would work if I needed a different level of exercise but for now it's useful and motivating at the same time.

And then we had my mum for dinner and my husband was very kind to her, so that was nice too.

And then I got some good news about the awkward situation with my friends. Things are no better really, but now I have some information that makes my own position more straightforward and validates my feelings.

Yeah. So it was a good day.
 
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wow great news about the car, wish id had that kinda thing happen lol. Mind you my cars pretty cool now.
Love the photo. and never heard that idea on potato before bed. I always get hungry before bed so i make sure i allow 200-300 cals for night time snacks. Sure its not the best probably diet wise but i just cant sleep on an empty stomach and then it only gets worse and worse and eventually i get up after 3-4 hours tossing and turning and overeat, then sleep. Only gain is missing out of 3 hours sleep and eating to much!
I usually settle for just a couple slices of toast with a cup of tea.
 
Thanks, wishes. I never knew why she thought a potato would be better than something like wholemeal toast. (Maybe just the alliteration in "potatoes not prozac" ?) And yeah, I reckon food at bedtime is way preferable to genuine hunger at bedtime - more healthy.

Oops wrong spelling - it seems I only half checked it and got the google page where all the misspellers links had ended up.

Were you looking for information about Tryptophan?
Triptophan is a common misspelling of tryptophan. :blush5:

Because the body does not produce tryptophan (also known as L-tryptophan) naturally, this amino acid must be obtained through dietary means. However, some people choose to use a supplement. While this substance is important for building protein, the body also uses it to make serotonin, a neurotransmitter that plays an important role in depression and anxiety. The body also uses it to make niacin (a vitamin) and melatonin (a hormone). Therefore, these supplements are claimed to have several uses, such as treating depression, PMS, and a number of other conditions.


This person below is saying something very similar to what Kathleen D'Maisons said.

How To Increase Your Tryptophan Levels
Increasing your tryptophan levels is not as easy as just eating more foods high in tryptophan. Tryptophan constantly struggles with other amino acids such as tyrosine, methionine, histidine, and leucine to access the brain and eating a high protein diet increases the blood levels of these amino acids and results in an actual decrease in tryptophan.

Eating a high carbohydrate diet of pasta and pastries can help to increase the level of tryptophan in your body. Foods high in carbohydrate cause the release of additional insulin from the body which in turn wipes out the competing amino acids. This allows the absorption of more tryptophan in the brain. This procedure may work in the short term but sustaining a high carbohydrate, low protein diet is not recommended by health experts as the body needs protein to survive. (and it will send your sugar levels crazy)

In order to avoid these dilemmas there are a few steps that can be taken:

* Using a supplement - although tryptophan supplements have not been banned by the FDA but several states have banned this supplement due to the confusion caused by FDA. Today, you can buy tryptophan supplements or you can use the 5-HTP as an alternative.

* Consume foods high in tryptophan on an empty stomach as this aids absorption


* Take foods high in tryptophan on their own with no other proteins or amino acids


Following these three steps will help to increase the absorption of tryptophan in the brain but as with all supplements, a healthy diet should be maintained to achieve maximum results.

What Foods Are High Sources Of Tryptophan
There are a wide range of foods that are excellent sources of tryptophan, with turkey being the most well known source. Other foods high in tryptophan include: chicken, beef, brown rice, nuts, fish, milk, eggs, cheese, fruit, and vegetables. (I dunno what kind of foods get left out ... )

Using foods that contain more carbohydrates is a better way to increase your tryptophan absorption and aid in the production of serotonin, which helps to relax the body and combat sleep problems.

If you are worried about not getting enough tryptophan then using a natural supplement that contains tryptophan can help to put your mind at ease. It is important to remember that tryptophan cannot be made in the body and it is therefore up to you to provide it.



I guess D'Maisons just saw a small potato at bedtime as a good way to deal with all the issues at once. Her angle is weight loss for sugar addicts.
 
Today I went to the beach with my husband and our dog. We went to a dog beach (of course! :D), and chose one a little further from home because it's long enough to walk up and down. I had great walk at the water's edge, and took heaps of pics. At first I really liked a few of the photos but then I started investigating the settings I should have used, and I found one that was supposed to be for the beach, and just how wrong the one I was using was ... :ack2: Yet, the colours are right today. Even the ones which look like a mix of glitter and shadow are actually close to what I see if I look towards the sun and I still enjoy looking back at the record of a lovely time. It's worthwhile when my husband and I get to share the pleasure by walking at the same time too.

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The exercise was good - pretty much right for where I'm at just now, and uber relaxing. It was a bit like doing intervals because of the little stops to click, or slow down to pay attention to something, and the corresponding little rushes to catch up. Quite different to sink into the sand with bare feet compared with yesterday in shoes and orthotics on the concrete.

It was sunny, warm but not hot, everyone was smiling - especially the dogs - and I just love the colour of the water and the sound of the waves ... I came home feeling totally like I was on holiday. I had a nice long shower and did some stretches. And then I made some open faced grilled sandwiches, stacked up with veges, and shared a giant orange with my son. I haven't had such a nice lunch for ages.

I need to keep putting effort into the stretching though, especially the hips, and I need to work on my knee again. The little extra exercise makes me feel good but also shows up the issues in my joints - whereas they don't grieve me as much if I stay more sedentary.

At any rate it was an easy pleasant day.

Tomorrow will be a day of shopping and errands. Hopefully I will be able to go from task to task feeling confident of what I'm doing, so it feels like I'm just accomplishing my intentions instead of being stressful. I need to see the eye guy, and also to get ready for my nephew's wedding next Saturday.
 
It's good that I'm writing this. Good for me I mean. I'm reluctant to look at what I'm doing and get agitated about what's wrong with it, but what I write here does help me notice what I actually am and aren't doing.

Today I was away from home for ages, but didn't get a walk. I realized after posting yesterday that I hadn't mentioned how I'd fit it in ... I really have to keep my mind more focused to make sure of that. (I did make a spot for it in today but it wasn't a good choice of time and it got swiped by the way the shopping turned out.) Then, I re-read yesterday's post before I started writing tonight and realized that I said I needed to stretch more ... yet instead, I woke up feeling better than normal so I hopped straight out of bed ... and now it's the end of the day with no stretching done and no exercise for today. I can still stretch a bit, and maybe do some bodyweight exercises I suppose.

Food today was ok. I went out without planning lunch, so eventually I bought some Japanese food. Nigari I think it was called. There was more than one thing on the little tray. I actually enjoy getting Japanese stuff when I'm out (sushi type stuff not tempura type stuff), and it seems to be satisfying and balanced.

Dinner was fairly normal, but I still had dessert. I guess I need to make the main course more satisfying so that I can make the transition to just fruit and or yoghurt afterwards. We've had a few rush meals lately and I know that's a bit of a route into excess for me. I'd rather get that excess controlled and stopped at the end of the meal though, than be continuing on causing more trouble for me.

So, tomorrow, I must get stuck into my school work with a vengeance, but equally, I need a spot for a decent walk, probably have to drive back and forth for the kids, need to do some housework, finish the errands - and still haven't bought what I need to wear to the wedding ... and my online issues look set to flare up.

So I do need to get off here don't I? I got new lenses from the eye guy and that should make it a lot easier to work in the evenings, I'll go and put them in, do some washing, and clean up a bit, do some exercises and stretches, while I'm thinking about my weekly timetable for next term ... I'll aim for a 40 minute bush walk tomorrow and give it a spot about 10ish. I'll try and cope with anything unexpected in the online stuff by acknowledging and time shifting I think. I'm really not good at that though - I can do it if I'm desperate, but not to stop me getting desperate. pfff Now it turns out I'm taking my son to get a video. I need to get a bit more back bone from somewhere. :D from in my head maybe. *imagines backbone* OK. Seeya tomorrow night.
 
*scrolling past the braille posts*

You make me realize how simple of a life I live. In a humorous way, I get stressed out reading your diary - only because I live on a wing and a prayer.

And yeah, most women are cheap drunks. No shame in that :p I can appreciate the time saver aspect rather than associated cost. There are only so many hours in an evening!
 
Hey there, Randy. :)

I must admit, I'd never thought of the cheap drunk thing as time saving. :D

Yeah, my life is a constant juggle, even when I'm relaxing!

Today I had to rearrange things somewhat seeing as my washing machine started playing up. I was lucky enough to get someone out quickly and relatively cheaply though. I got a few chores done, not as much as I wanted, because it turns out this is the time I really couldn't put off being majorly involved in the online problems. I think there's plenty of drama to come, but hopefully I'm over researching it and can limit my time now. I'm a bit nervous about where it will all go ...

I got my walk in though, and I managed three good balanced meals and no sweet stuff at all - not even any desire for them. So I'm feeling happy about that. Plus I even did all the stuff I said I'd try and do last night - painful bodyweight exercises and all.

I'm beat now though, and I have to take my girl to bed with me, because she got peered into watching House of Wax today, despite not wanting to, and now she's majorly spooked, sitting on a chair next to me nodding off.
 
felici said:
I'm a bit nervous about where it will all go ...
Click to expand...

You're a master delegator and a voice of reason. You'll control this to your standard(s). I have no doubt about an alternative outcome. You won't be the prairie grass swaying when the winds pick up, I trust. You predicted the outcome had I read this correctly.
 
I'm not a delegator. I'm a waste my time doing it myselfer. I am a voice of reason. I couldn't control it.

I picked my position and it felt totally right to me. I invested a heap of time I couldn't afford, in trying to do the right thing there these last two days - and right now it just looks like I wasted every second. I'm as disturbed and frustrated as I could be, and I'm sure the fall out isn't over yet. Now I'm going to want to know exactly what was what (all over again), and want to talk about it to help myself (and my friends), get over it and at the same time, I do not want to waste another second. :banghead: :banghead::banghead:

Right this very moment I'm not sure exactly which person to be furious with, but I sure want to be furious with someone.

And so far today, I missed my walk because ^^^, I ate great, and now I feel like crap and the impulse to seek sweet solace is definitely there. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I don't want to talk (except I'm blabbing here), I don't want to stay awake, and I don't think there's any chance of me going to sleep.

I should be furious with myself I suppose for trying to act like a friend when I didn't have time for it. Actually I am furious with myself for that. No. I'm furious with myself for thinking I couldn't act like a real friend without putting so much bloody obsessive time into it. For being bloody obsessive in general and especially over that, and probably over a whole bunch of other stuff tomorrow so that nothing will actually fit in my life.

It's a really destructive thing to be furious with yourself though. And yet even now I don't see that there was any other way - it was that or nothing. Still it was my choice.

My own !@#$%^&*() CHOICE!

Soooo having yelled about it here for a few minutes I'm a bit more conscious of how bad I really feel, and a bit more aware of how useless it would be to try and eat my way out of it. I don't know how tomorrow will go though. The not fairness of this is just :cuss:.

Lots of things look better in the morning don't they? I just expected to be energized tomorrow so that I could catch up what I put off, and now I'm drained instead. Kinda like that old cliche of feeling the carpet's been pulled out from under me. I really want to vent elsewhere but I won't do that until I have my facts straight.
 
I just went to update my stats. I thought I had missed a couple of days. Anway, I was pleased when I saw it. No binge for a week. That definitely makes me want to keep going.

I am really really sad about my friends though.
 
On the day that I started it, I just made it the next post in my journal here. Then I put a link to that post, into my signature, so that I could always easily go back there - and because that's where people usually put their stats.

Then when I want to, I click on the signature, go to the post and edit it - just like any other post.

When I was doing the link I first clicked on the number at the top of the post - for example the number of your post above this one is 2478. That takes you to a single post so you can get a URL address for that particular post.

When I got to my signature I just typed in the words I wanted use as my link - ie "My stats", highlighted that, and then clicked on the "insert link" button in the message controls - the blue dot (like a world with a sort of oval shape at the bottom), and copied in the address of the post.
 
Well yesterday started with me waking up and realizing that things could not have been as bad as I believed last night and that probably someone else I was close to, had spoken to me as though an accusation was a fact. So that did stop me being furious. I felt guilty instead. :rollseyes: I hadn't gone off at anyone - but had asked a dispirited question which I regretted. I felt very brittle though.

I didn't eat outside my plan. I actually ate without added sugar again, and with added veges - :) but I did have a couple of glasses of wine in the evening.

My emotional balance still suffered. I wasted more time on the thing. By the afternoon I could see that the original issue wasn't the main deal any more but that I had slipped into a spiral of anxiety, and that although I wasn't using food to deal with it, it was still stopping me from doing a bunch of stuff I needed to do. I went out with my husband planning to walk, but forgot to take my orthotics and had an argument about nothing on the way, so I just wandered around on the grass in bare feet for a while, taking photos.

Then when we got home, the news started turning around. Some things I'd been worried about changed for the better. Later, it looked like there had been a pay off for the time I'd invested. I got a bit more info and my brain kicked into gear and I figured out what had (almost certainly) caused the second round of trouble.

I didn't jump up and do bodyweight exercises and clean the house and finish writing my programmes! I'm not that good at turn arounds - but I did some routine stuff, regrouped, and went to bed feeling very peaceful.

The hassles aren't over, I went to bed unsuitably late, I STILL have a bunch of undone stuff to do. I need to leave soon to take my mum to an appointment. Tomorrow is my nephew's wedding (that will pretty much take over my day). Tonight I'll be running my kids around. But I am energized again in the way I'd hoped I would be by yesterday morning. So it's back to one tick at a time I suppose.
 
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