This is the time

[trampoline]

I read your diary.. Its very interesting.. Keep on going.

 

[heathercb04]

Hi Felici

Your post is just awesome, and it echos many lines of thought I have had as well. I want to STRONGLY encourage you to check out the clinic! I've had the first chance ever in my life to discuss my issues surrounding weight loss honestly and hopenly because I'm currently seeing a therapist (for other reasons, but this came up). And the fact that I could be completely honest about my past behaviors and current fears was just so wonderfully empowering and helpful I can't even describe it. Also, I have to find the name of a book for you. . . .my friend recommended it and apparently it's one of the best books on weight loss and the mindset surrounding it that she has read. I haven't read it yet, but she's a psychology major so I trust her opinion.

The thought process surrounding eating and exercising is just as (if not more) important than actually changing your eating and exercising habits. It's one thing to psych yourself up and never actually change your foundation of thinking and a complete other one to really rework your thoughts and force your mind to do things differently. It's hard!!

But with slow and steady work toward your goal, it's definitely something that is do-able.

 

[Miss Ladybug]

HOWDY FELI!! I so love that cartoon and it speaks volume in my opinion.

While I was reading your post, I realized you know yourself more than you give yourself credit for. YOU KNOW there is an issue, but not exactly sure just what it is. You know that some where deep within there is something going on, what that is, it's hard to tell. But I'm most certain that your idea of speaking with a professional is a VERY GOOD ONE!! Your issue with binging might not be an eating problem at all but something more deep, more rooted more buried within that needs to be found and brought out.

I GIVE YOU KUDDOS for knowing what you have to do and being okay with that and doing something that may or may not help, but who knows until you give it a shot right??? You might just get lucky and find a good therapist that can actually help and get you back on the right path, and get rid of the eating issues. It has to be something Feli, because when I started on here you were my source of motivation, I came here everyday to get my Feli fix.LOL LOL you had it together, you posted your menu everyday and got so detailed about it I was JEALOUS! You exercised and kept a full family lifestyle, I WAS IMPRESSED to say the least. And only recently in the past few months have I noticed you not posting as often. We all go through our slumps and we all go through bouts of giving up, being frustrated with ourselves and basically just wanting to throw in the towel, so don't you for a minute feel bad about what's going on. Keep posting in your diary if just to say Hello, give an update (quickly for the day) and then do what you have to do.

When you get it worked out I have no doubt you'll be back to the grindstone going full force and really putting in 110%. Take YOUR time, read some books that's a fantastic idea. And if you get a chance seek the opinion of the professional you were speaking of and see if that helps, my thoughts are with you on this journey, and your NOT ALONE!!

I'll check by later!
HUGS AND LOVE
Kim

 

[T2 Trucker]

Behaviorally, I tend to believe small changes lend the most benefit for the success-side of weight loss. Personally, I fell off my own game plan when the 'big change/big results subsided.

I lacked the ability mentally - obviously a behavioral attachment, to readjust accordingly. I re-channeled old desires on a smaller scale this time around. Identifying with 'it's not as bad as I make it seem' helped me a lot. It's a big step (to me) to recalibrate, retool and re-apply simplicity.

I think you successfully completed your 'big picture' phase when you took the initial initiative that carried you well into a major weight loss.

Think small. Stay focused.

 

[jw372]

Hee--I like that cartoon, though unfortunately, my answer would absolutely be that being dead would suit my schedule far better--at least then no one could be cross with me about not attending every damned symposium and brown bag and workshop!

Anyway, I'm glad that you're thinking through some of the problems that you're having. Sometimes that's all we need to do is just identify what unhelpful things we're thinking that are preventing us from doing what we truly do want to do.

Sophie

 

[felici]

Thank you so much for the responses all of you.View attachment 6365View attachment 6365View attachment 6365

(Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not so sure about rebotrampoline, very kind words if you are human though.)

I stayed in the computer room tonight - mainly just trying to make the machines behave - but also a choice I made not to watch tv cos it's been while I've been watching that I've been having the worst of my bingeing issues. By that I mean that even if I have been on track all day I felt like I switched (crossed over to the dark side?) in the evening and there is an association to watching tv. Sitting in a different chair to watch wasn't enough of a switch.

Anyway, even before this evening I felt like I'd changed. I think it was while I was online this morning -I read your replies here and then I was catching up in Brandy's diary - it was great reading about some very switched on days - and she made reference she made to a youtube that she watched thinking it was just a scam but afterwards she wasn't fighting cravings any more? I looked it up and just watched a bit - not sure if I was watching the same one but it was the same guy - thought it looked interesting - never did get to watch the end of the video though I still intend to watch some more of his stuff. I had to leave off because of the kids and because of the fiddling around that the computers needed - but I thought maybe that was not a bad thing - maybe doing a reasonable amount of things I need to do even if I can't finish them in one go, is more like the way I need to be.

Anyway, then I made sure I ate something right before I left to go shopping today, and averted my eyes from the bakeries as though from something nasty - a change from lately - when they've been holding my gaze and reeling me in ... It was almost an automatic response. I just thought, "No that's not what I do any more." It was an echo of my response when I first started here, and I was grateful for it. I was still very anxious though and I think the underlying reason was because of my eating issues.

Getting ready for dinner tonight I was anxious that what I was preparing wouldn't be bulky enough to be satisfying, but I decided not to worry too much about that. For the moment, I thought it might be good to curb my impulse to have a way to eat tons of anything, even healthy low calorie food. I thought I would leave that for back up if I actually ended up still hungry, instead of eating it just in case.

After I'd eaten the very adequate plateful of food for my evening meal, I felt unsatisfied and anxious and I recognized the feeling but I just told myself it was because I have to wait a while for my body to register that I've eaten, I got a yoghurt, and got a coffee ready, planning for that to be it for the evening, and it was.

I am so relieved. I feel so different to yesterday - like I've switched back to my other me, and now I will be able to do what I want. I know I have turned this bingeing around before and the turn around hasn't lasted, and maybe this one won't either, but the difference between going to bed knowing I've eaten well and going to bed with my stomach aching, is immense. Before I had any hope of starting to succeed again, I had to have a night like tonight and regardless where it came from I'm just really grateful it's here. I didn't exercise today - that wasn't part of the change, it was all about discussion, what I saw on here, thinking, writing.

I still haven't properly responded here to a lot of posts. I apologize - some of them I've repped - where I had rep to give ... but when I've been mentally ready too, I've been running out of time to type. That hasn't stopped me from getting a lot of help from your words and from being very grateful for them all. View attachment 6365

 

[wishes]

way to go felici, fight the binge monster!

What was the youtube clip supposed to be about dare i ask?

 

[felici]

There are a bunch of youtubes to do with Paul McKenna. I don't know too much about him yet - he seems to be working on things to do with addictions. I know quick fixes arent the thing for losing weight and he is about quick changes - but as it happened what I was thinking about was that I really needed to flick a switch. Sometimes I feel like I have a split personality!

This is the post of Brandy's that mentions him.

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weight-loss-diary/14899-brandy-s-success-diary-43.html#post424131

 

[bmohearn]

I saw the Paul McKenna videos. They are very interesting. I think it helped me realize how to cut away temptations.

 

[Eldaweesda]

Hi Felici,

I too seem to binge and I don't know why. It usually occurs just before TOM for about two days and then I'm fine for the rest of the month. Mine may be hormonal and also emotional as well, I don't know but I admire your determination to find out if you have an emotional attachment to food. Let me know if the book gives you insight or tips on how to control binge eating because I am very interested in the topic.

I agree with Trucker, small steps. I try to make baby steps with my lifestyle change and it seems to stick better. Most of all, I don't beat myself up anymore if I fall off the "good lifestyle wagon". I just get back on. It looks like you have too and I am so glad that you have started communicating again in your diary. Sometimes it can get a little overwhelming at the WLF, we want to visit everyone's diary and encourage them, but if we did that we wouldn't have a life as it can be very time consuming. Sorry if I'm rambling, I tend to do that!

Have a great weekend,

 

[felici]

I haven't been a good respondent to the posts in here over the last 2-3 pages. I was looking in enough to get a lot of support from them though, and I do wonder if I would be starting to make (scared to say this really, but I will), starting to make some progress again - if it wasn't for all these pieces of warmth and caring thinking you've given me lately. Thank you all so much. These posts I would normally have responded to as they came - I guess it's odd replying to them all at once now, but they're still all meaningful to me. Sorry it's such a lot of print at one go.

take some time for YOURSELF. Make sure you get plenty of mess. We all miss you...but we all understand that WLF isn't anyone's life. There are a lot of other things going on. Take a few deep breaths and enjoy your day

This was good advice and I wish I'd been capable of taking it - I think I may have already been too far gone by the time I read it.

ouch for the 1kg gain - mind you mine goes up and down 1kg easily with just water weight so i wouldnt call it a gain unless it hangs around longer than a couple weeks.

Fluctuations are a part of the inevitable I guess. I wish I had only that 1 kg to deal with now!!

Hey Felici, Sorry to hear your not eating as well as you would like. I've been eating like a starved animal as well. In fact I had 5 yes 5! pieces of take out pizza on Sunday. It was so good and I just couldn't stop eating it even though I knew I would feel lousy afterward and probably erase all my hard workouts!

I feel ya about feeling disorganized. Brandy is right, slow down and take a break for yourself. Even if your not eating the best, try to get in some exercise. At least that will relieve some of the stress. Even if its just a walk in the fresh air will clear your mind.

Good luck with it and we will be thinking of you.

Your workouts are hard all right!!

"just couldn't stop eating it" - yeah - classic - like we need a zap or something to come back to normal - probably I wouldn't go where the zapper was while I was in that state though. (Ha - I even avoid WLF!!)

Feli,
Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now, so stop beating on yourself for not eating properly, you have always done so darn well in the past, and every time I read your menu I would drool with jealousy because you eat so balanced and good. But, there will always be ROADBLOCKS on our journey and we just have to work around them, as we both know road blocks are time consuming, so don't expect them to go away real fast, but know it's OKAY! you will get back on track when everything straightens itself out, with all the planning and school stuff and your family I don't know how you manage to breath, you had me tired after reading about your day.

I have not been posting that often either, as my work has me very tied up these days and well once I get home I have so much to do there I rarely have time to even look at the computer, and my weekends well they have been jam packed with my hubby's stuff or the weather is bad and I can't get anything done. I feel exactly how you do, but I know how wonderful you are! I know how many times you motivated me with your kind words and how determined you were during the past year for your own weight loss. You will get there again, and we will be here to keep you plugging forward, and don't feel bad for posting "NON POSITIVE" items, life is not all about the good, we all encounter NEGATIVE times an stuff on our journey's WE ALL DO!, so you just keep coming in and posting good or bad and we will be here to help you through it, even though sometimes my advise just isn't useful at all, but I am a GOOD LISTENER, and that's a fact! Cheer up my dear, your doing fine!!
lots of love
Kim

That roadblock idea was very helpful to me, when I read this. It might sound a bit silly saying I found ideas here helpful when I didn't actually get back on track after reading them, but I had better days and worse days while I wasn't posting here and my confidence fluctuated too. I think probably we need a certain minimum level of self esteem to be able to feel powerful enough take time for ourselves and to take control in our lives, so posts like this can help, this did.

Billy musta kidnapped you

Hope all is well down under.

I don't know who Billy is! Billy the KIDnapper? So nice to hear from you.

I gained 9 lbs the other day.

Don't sweat it!

Mm. Yes. It's never been while I've been sweating it that I have been doing well. Sometimes I get myself in a place where seem to have to have the turbulent feeling times in order to be able to get to the calmer, useful ones. I hope I'm moving away from that place right now.

I'm so sorry you're feeling frustrated. I understand the desire to hide out when things aren't going well. For me, though, I find that daily accountability really is the best tool to keep me honest about my weight loss. If I can't feel comfortable about writing down that I've eaten something, then it's easier not to eat it. Same thing with exercise. That's only me, of course, and I completely understand wanting to focus on your own projects, which must be difficult with so much going on!

Just know that we all wish you well and want to hear how you're doing.

Sophie

Yeah, I wanted to hide out. Also, I just didn't want to confront my behaviour, and I couldn't post here without doing that. This was another encouraging post that helped leave this door here open for me.

Hey Felici! Just thought I would stop by and say hello. Seems like things are fairly chaotic for you right now!! As was said before, take time for yourself. And don't worry about that 1kg gain. I like what Wishes said about the water weight and not counting it unless it has been there for a few weeks. Sounds pretty reasonable to me!!

I dont' have enough time tonight to go through your diary to check out how far you have come (although from that first entry to now it seems like a long way!!!) but I plan on checking back in!! Hoping things will start to slow down for you.

Thanks Heather. Yeah. It was chaotic - inside and out!!

 

[felici]

Hi Felici

I was concerned when you mentioned that you had been having trouble with binges when you resigned from the challenge.

I am sure that many of us know just how difficult binges can be - and how distressing. You can actually feel yourself undoing all that hard work.

Well done for talking yourself out of that binge recently. Feel proud of yourself for that.

I had my last mega binge in September just before joining this forum. When I binge I do it in style. I dont even need to like the food and it doesnt matter whether it is in date or out of date at the back of the cupboard - when the idea enters my head to eat it - it is totally irresistable.

I told several people about it when I last binged like that and I got lots of phone calls through the day the next couple of days to make sure that I had broken it.

There is definitely some sort of emotional trigger for me.

Now I try and channel things into what is basically quite healthy stuff or that will not do too much damage. I might drink lots of diet cola (which generally I try to cut down on) or eat lots of extra fruit (and I already eat tons of it). Honey shreddies are the nearest thing to junk food that I eat (but at least they are wholegrain) and sometimes I eat definitely too much of them.

The triggers happen - and some form of binge can take place - but the effect is minimal.

You mention a lack of carbohydrates being possibly linked to your triggers. I notice that you have weetabix every day. I have weetabix every day. The pack says a serving is two weetabix but I always have three. It is wholegrain and unsweetened so maybe having an extra weetabix may make all the difference.

For me - a day is a good day if I do my walking - irrespective about what I eat. I know that your days are busy at work (but I know that you have those holidays), but I go out on my long walk every morning - so I can quickly say to myself that I am having a good day. I even managed to convince myself that the massive binge in September wasnt a bad day (just a bad food day) because I did walk over 6 miles that morning. Another benefit from walking is that it takes me away from food for that time.

It definitely sounds like you are taking on too much. Do you need to organise things like quiz nights as part of your job or is it something that you volunteer for? I would stop volunteering for things if I were you. There are only so many things that we can do in a day. To try to take on more that is destined for failure. To feel yourself failing at something is never a good feeling. If you could bring your list down to a more manageable size - you may be able to cross things off and retain a feeling of control and organisation.

Rest assured - we would all be gaining weight if dealing with as much stress as you are.

Come to the forum if it helps. Stay away if it helps. There are no rules about having to make postings. Lurk a little and see if you get something out of that.

Those cheesecake yoghurts certainly sound good. I will certainly be checking those out soon.

Take care
Love
Margaret

This is the most wonderful post. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to think about my issues in such detail. It was a great comfort to me when I first read it and I am actually, also getting a bit more out of it as I reread it now - the section where you say the triggers and response will be inevitable some of the time and actually cause a binge - but not be damaging - the idea that even the response can't always be avoided but can still be controlled is useful. I found this whole post such a support when I first read it.

I know that I do have to control how much I take on. It's a tricky area to get my mind around. Sometimes things are pretty cruisey for me for a while and I make commitments that become stressful when all the dates start to come together. A lot of things just appear without warning (mostly kid things). Also quite a lot of friendship and family things don't really seem optional to me. The quiz night was very much like that. A fundraiser for my daughter's school camp which was being organized by my friends and her teachers (and me). I think I might have done better at coping if I had been already in a stable place with my food and exercise, and I'm hoping now to just really shore that up again.

Also, like I said, I don't think I've quite got this whole thing sorted in my mind yet!

I agree with Omega's brilliant post. Sometimes we have to do the 'big picture' thing, look in the mirror and smile about all the weight that's gone and work off of that.

Never let the bad be your influence.


Peace, Love and Vegemite Sandwiches

Peace, Love and Vegemite Sandwiches. I love this. I googled it. But I couldn't find it. You must have made it up yourself. I love it.

You should try getting your period and having water gains/losses similar to that ..... then again maybe you shouldnt .. *G*

Once you get to the fine tuning, long riding stage you're at, those sort of fluctuations must be pretty damn aggravating!! I love that bike riding avvie you got at about the time you posted this.

*runs the sweeper, looks around, turns the lights off, closes the door*

*submits a bill, btw*

*ponders if 'down under' actually slid off the globe*

I hope I can afford this maintainence!! I surely needed it!

 

[felici]

Hi Felici

Your post is just awesome, and it echos many lines of thought I have had as well. I want to STRONGLY encourage you to check out the clinic! I've had the first chance ever in my life to discuss my issues surrounding weight loss honestly and hopenly because I'm currently seeing a therapist (for other reasons, but this came up). And the fact that I could be completely honest about my past behaviors and current fears was just so wonderfully empowering and helpful I can't even describe it. Also, I have to find the name of a book for you. . . .my friend recommended it and apparently it's one of the best books on weight loss and the mindset surrounding it that she has read. I haven't read it yet, but she's a psychology major so I trust her opinion.

The thought process surrounding eating and exercising is just as (if not more) important than actually changing your eating and exercising habits. It's one thing to psych yourself up and never actually change your foundation of thinking and a complete other one to really rework your thoughts and force your mind to do things differently. It's hard!!

But with slow and steady work toward your goal, it's definitely something that is do-able.

Thanks Heather!! I do agree that the mind thing is the key! I'm still keeping the clinic in mind, though because I'm hopeful about how I'm going today I will probably keep it as a reserve option right now.

HOWDY FELI!! I so love that cartoon and it speaks volume in my opinion.

While I was reading your post, I realized you know yourself more than you give yourself credit for. YOU KNOW there is an issue, but not exactly sure just what it is. You know that some where deep within there is something going on, what that is, it's hard to tell. But I'm most certain that your idea of speaking with a professional is a VERY GOOD ONE!! Your issue with binging might not be an eating problem at all but something more deep, more rooted more buried within that needs to be found and brought out.

I GIVE YOU KUDDOS for knowing what you have to do and being okay with that and doing something that may or may not help, but who knows until you give it a shot right??? You might just get lucky and find a good therapist that can actually help and get you back on the right path, and get rid of the eating issues. It has to be something Feli, because when I started on here you were my source of motivation, I came here everyday to get my Feli fix.LOL LOL you had it together, you posted your menu everyday and got so detailed about it I was JEALOUS! You exercised and kept a full family lifestyle, I WAS IMPRESSED to say the least. And only recently in the past few months have I noticed you not posting as often. We all go through our slumps and we all go through bouts of giving up, being frustrated with ourselves and basically just wanting to throw in the towel, so don't you for a minute feel bad about what's going on. Keep posting in your diary if just to say Hello, give an update (quickly for the day) and then do what you have to do.

When you get it worked out I have no doubt you'll be back to the grindstone going full force and really putting in 110%. Take YOUR time, read some books that's a fantastic idea. And if you get a chance seek the opinion of the professional you were speaking of and see if that helps, my thoughts are with you on this journey, and your NOT ALONE!!

I'll check by later!
HUGS AND LOVE
Kim

I love your energy and enthusiasm - as ever!! This was very good for my self esteem too! I have kept telling myself that I know I can do it because I already have done it! Thank you.

Behaviorally, I tend to believe small changes lend the most benefit for the success-side of weight loss. Personally, I fell off my own game plan when the 'big change/big results subsided.

I lacked the ability mentally - obviously a behavioral attachment, to readjust accordingly. I re-channeled old desires on a smaller scale this time around. Identifying with 'it's not as bad as I make it seem' helped me a lot. It's a big step (to me) to recalibrate, retool and re-apply simplicity.

I think you successfully completed your 'big picture' phase when you took the initial initiative that carried you well into a major weight loss.

Think small. Stay focused.

You're right. I think my fall off the wagon was both briefer (time wise) and deeper (%weight wise) than yours, but you've turned that around and found a way to get going again that uses what you knew the first time and what you've learned since. We both can do this.

I am definitely doing the think small, stay focused thing! Thanks.

Hee--I like that cartoon, though unfortunately, my answer would absolutely be that being dead would suit my schedule far better--at least then no one could be cross with me about not attending every damned symposium and brown bag and workshop!

Anyway, I'm glad that you're thinking through some of the problems that you're having. Sometimes that's all we need to do is just identify what unhelpful things we're thinking that are preventing us from doing what we truly do want to do.

Sophie

Identifying the unhelpful things and replacing them with helpful ideas, is the way to go I hope!! Sometimes for me, it's about replacing mindless moments with mindful moments.

I like your sassy response to the cartoon - but reading your diary - I see you actually making time for what you need to do!!

 

[felici]

I saw the Paul McKenna videos. They are very interesting. I think it helped me realize how to cut away temptations.

I watched because you mentioned it, though I still haven't watched many. I have already used the example you mentioned of maggots on chocolate cake though. VERY useful!!

I know everyone doesn't need to be able to turn themselves off some types of food but sometimes I desperately need to!! Sometimes as in "these days".

I'm a bit scared to talk about plans and attempts right now, but I will say that right now my kinda plan is to just get myself as many days in a row as I can manage, without food containing added sugar (except my morning jam, which is a tried and true exception), and with no binges or failing that, the closest to no binges that I can get. Hedged bet? Well I stayed awake last night for sooooo long that I was ready for another meal before I went to bed. That was confusing to me. Did I binge? I dunno. I hadn't eaten for 7 hours or so and I wanted to be able to get to sleep so and I ate some chicken, a bread roll and a yoghurt. Cool, except I started just planning to eat the chicken, not realizing how hungry I was. Plus I then ate the weetbix and peaches I'd wanted in the first place and tried to avoid because I've sometimes binged on cereal in the middle of the night. But I didn't have extra sugar. And then today I woke up very late and had breakfast and then kinda forgot lunch and went straight to dinner .... So at this stage the number of meals is how it should be, and probably the calories okay-ish too, but things like that confuse me at the moment. And it made me wake up cranky. Really cranky. I wrote a diary post last night and didn't post it because of that, because it would have need so much more editing and more thought if I posted it after eating the meal that I was confused about. And this morning I tried to amend it and I got more confused and more cranky.

I got myself busy with something else instead.

It's ANZAC day here today. That is a day to remember our soldiers. This is my grandad, my grandma and me. He was in the Battle of Ypres in World War I.
View attachment 6375

I bribed my son into being helpful for a little while this morning. He took the clothes off the line and put them away. This is the way he put away my daughter's pjs and shorts.

View attachment 6376View attachment 6377

Hi Felici,

I too seem to binge and I don't know why. It usually occurs just before TOM for about two days and then I'm fine for the rest of the month. Mine may be hormonal and also emotional as well, I don't know but I admire your determination to find out if you have an emotional attachment to food. Let me know if the book gives you insight or tips on how to control binge eating because I am very interested in the topic.

I agree with Trucker, small steps. I try to make baby steps with my lifestyle change and it seems to stick better. Most of all, I don't beat myself up anymore if I fall off the "good lifestyle wagon". I just get back on. It looks like you have too and I am so glad that you have started communicating again in your diary. Sometimes it can get a little overwhelming at the WLF, we want to visit everyone's diary and encourage them, but if we did that we wouldn't have a life as it can be very time consuming. Sorry if I'm rambling, I tend to do that!

Have a great weekend,

Thank you so much for all these thoughts Eldaweesda. I have no idea how my hormones fit into this. Because I was sick (temporarily), I had an early menopause and I'm supposedly post-menopausal now. It strikes me that I flip in and out of feeling very young and being quite emotional though.

If I just ate a bit more now and again it wouldn't be so bad. But by "binge" I mean enough extra calories in one day to wreck a week or more of eating very carefully. Also, even worse, is if I get a patch of that, where the behaviour spirals into something increasingly worse.

I do understand a lot of what happens. Like this leads, to this leads to that, influenced by that, made worse by this. I don't want to talk about that just now though because right now it will just seem to me like a pile of excuses for something I need to make different regardless of all that. I know there are things I'm aware of that I need to avoid where possible. I want to write them down while they're fresh in my mind - but I'm not going to write them down just now though, because one of them is being overly anxious and another is getting perfectionist, and I reckon I could get perfectionist about the list and end up overly anxious!! LOL!! It's funny but it's true too!!

My determination really is to be in control of how I eat, so that might mean finding out why I sometimes eat badly, but if I just find out how not to, that will do me! (Or even if I just do it by accident and can't remember how I did and keep going - that will do! )

Yesterday I felt so controlled, with a day of eating decently and my new maggots-on-the-chocolate-cake image that I thought I would put the investigations on the back burner. ("My" image now, since Brandy said she saw Paul McKenna talk about it). Today I woke up so confused, and CRANKY AS, that I figured I would definitely be phoning that clinic ( on Monday - cos it's a holiday here), but now I'm just thinking about the small steps and trying to tell myself to just worry about the day I'm in right now.

I know you and Randy are right about that.

 

[jw372]

Hey, just wanted to say how glad I am that you're back and that you've found a helpful way to curb those cravings. Even if it is only a quick fix, that can sometimes be all you need to get through this day, and this day is the only one you can worry about.

Sophie

 

[Omega]

Hi Felici

It certainly looks like you are winning to me. You can be winning without having won at the end of the game.

You have a great plan with the centre attached to your old university. I think that is well worth persuing. It is funny the things that can arise from a meaningful discussion with a friend. Thought chains that start with a friend's successful weight loss can lead to a possible solution.

I must admit that I havent tried to investigate binge controlling (just thought about my own experiences) - so I cannot advise you of any books or similar that I would recommend. I can say that I find that I have much more motivation to succeed than I found in previous weightloss efforts - I am more driven to believe that I can do the impossible. I do think that it is connected - like the next piece along on the same jigsaw. I do know that I have heard Chris Moon speak and would consider him to be a definite hero. You may find reading his book to be interesting and helpful whenever you get time. I dont want to add to your list of outstanding tasks though!

I must emphasise that he speaks in general terms and is not in any way about weight control or weight loss.

Take care
Love
Margaret

 

[felici]

Sophie - Yes. I am in one day at a time mode at present. It seems to me that this is the best way for me to deal with the future right now. Actually I'm hopeful that if I can just avoid things with added sugar for a week or two then I will be able to manage a more efficient program and challenge myself a bit again. Right now I am avoiding challenges where I can.

Omega - From my own experience and others on here, I see that we can certainly find ourselves doing things we thought were impossible and that is so empowering that it then allows us to do more impossible things!!

When I made my first return post (in which I said I wasn't winning), that was itself probably my turn around point. I had certainly been giving myself a beating! I do feel a lot more like I'm winning at present. I've had so many false re-starts lately, that I'm no more than cautiously optimistic about this being the re-start that continues without another crash. I do feel truly confident still about ultimately getting my weight down to what's good for me though.

I'm certainly like you in that I've had many times over the years where I've made an attempt at losing weight that has been temporarily successful ... and ultimately NOT! However, I do think I've learned from all those wide ranging attempts and the ones I've made over the past few years have pretty much always been improvements on the previous version! (It's a pity though that I've gotten old enough to sometimes forget what an earlier mistake looks like, and then do it again ... ) I did so well in my first 10 or so months here though that I reckon something pretty similar will work for me again. (After the binge stuff is crushed!)



I've had a few more okay days - bumpy patches in them here and there - but mostly to do timing and with managing hunger - nothing that feels like the start of a binge. That's all I'm asking from myself right now.

I forgot to do a proper weigh in over the weekend, but the dodgy scales have been showing a rapid loss. Nothing to be excited about after the massive gain - but a lot more encouraging than the idea that my improved habits had no effect! I think this week I've just been getting emptier, and probably getting rid of salt from the processed stuff I was overeating. My clothes feel looser already.

School starts again on Tuesday. I don't have anything booked for this week, I'm not sure whether I'll get a post holiday lull or whether the rain will be enough to start up steady employment. I have work booked for the following week, so I guess I'll be happy with either situation this week - either I have the house to myself to get some stuff done, or I get to start what I hope will be the busy season work wise. Having more money would make us all a bit more relaxed, despite the rain!!

 

[jw372]

Sounds like you're doing wonderfully--I know what you mean about not being sure if you'll get work for a particular period. Part of you wants to have the time, and the other part wants the money. That's actually exactly where I'm at right now! I guess we'll see which wins out!

Sophie

 

[bmohearn]

money- everyone needs more. As a dirt poor college student, I understand that even knowing that you will have money to pay off bills and afford food is enough to keep a smile on ur face. I'm happy that ur doing so well!! Keep it up. Remember to take time for youself today and just take deep breaths. It will help clear ur mind and maybe even keep the binge monster away.

 

[felici]

Thank you ladies!

I just had a call to work tomorrow and the next day so it looks like the winter work is what I'll be getting. It will probably help family harmony more than me staying home! (but not straight away - cos first comes the lack of time and the anxious daughter - and the money comes a bit later on).

I've read your posts a couple of times already today and appreciated those extra deep breaths - thanks Brandy.