This is the time
- Thread starter felici
- Start date
felici
Well-known member
Thanks, lena. 
It's great to see your face here too.
Funny thing about the face felici's posting. If I take a photo now, I can't see it! Dammit - I've regained too much weight.
While I was posting as kafeli, that felici pic used to bug me, and I had intended to take it down, because it seemed too different to the way I look now. However, when I started posting in this diary I found that I liked seeing the photo - which after all I picked from probably 50 because it was the one that most appealed to me! So maybe I will leave it up because I like to see that friendly familiar face and because I'd like to be able to take another photo of it. I guess it's kinda like having the dress you want to fit into as an avvie, or the bikini. (Though I have NO bikini ambitions.)
It's great to see your face here too. Funny thing about the face felici's posting. If I take a photo now, I can't see it! Dammit - I've regained too much weight.
While I was posting as kafeli, that felici pic used to bug me, and I had intended to take it down, because it seemed too different to the way I look now. However, when I started posting in this diary I found that I liked seeing the photo - which after all I picked from probably 50 because it was the one that most appealed to me! So maybe I will leave it up because I like to see that friendly familiar face and because I'd like to be able to take another photo of it. I guess it's kinda like having the dress you want to fit into as an avvie, or the bikini. (Though I have NO bikini ambitions.)
cinderelly
New member
Ha Thanx
Im proud of how the girls turned out!I am on Team One...Team Tits!LOL tha tis cuz Team Two called themselves Team Sweet Cheeks and have ass Avs!Ya I like my siggy too, we got some really good shots of us bu tI am looking better and feeling better so I think it is showing...
cinderelly
New member
Yep. All the girls look good! I noticed the ass avs round about too. This is a pretty cheeky forum one way and another.
It most certaintaly is!
felici
Well-known member
Well when I look at my face in the mirror, I tend to just focus on the middle bit and that hasn't changed. (Dratted photos tell a different story.) I see the same expression today as then though.
I am feeling exceptionally positive right now.
Recently I feel that I've made some really significant progress with what I know about the problems I had with binge eating. I keep thinking that I must have already known these things before. Possibly, I could go back in this thread and find all the things I know that relate to it, already written down. I do keep coming across things that I have previously looked at, which seem to be pointing straight to what seems like a revelation now. But I don't remember having these thoughts before, and I don't remember seeing anyone else say what I think now. Again, as with my own words, others have said things that point straight this way - but I didn't hear what they said as meaning this exact thing. Maybe it was because I didn't think of myself as having a problem with anxiety and maybe it was because I didn't recognize that I even had a problem with binge eating until around this time last year.
Maybe it's oldtimers disease?
I have spent my whole life trying to articulate the short versions of what I want to say with very limited success. Today my short version is that I have a problem with anxiety, which I did realize once or twice before. I can influence the amount of anxiety I have a lot. I can try to change the issues that stress me (useful, slow and difficult), and I can try to deal with the issues that come up in a way that doesn't increase my anxiety (useful, quick, repetitious). I can do things that reduce it. When I reduce it enough the binge eating goes away.
That's a short story so short that it seems almost untruthful to me because so much is left out. Still it seems like a revelation to me just now.
I am feeling exceptionally positive right now.
Recently I feel that I've made some really significant progress with what I know about the problems I had with binge eating. I keep thinking that I must have already known these things before. Possibly, I could go back in this thread and find all the things I know that relate to it, already written down. I do keep coming across things that I have previously looked at, which seem to be pointing straight to what seems like a revelation now. But I don't remember having these thoughts before, and I don't remember seeing anyone else say what I think now. Again, as with my own words, others have said things that point straight this way - but I didn't hear what they said as meaning this exact thing. Maybe it was because I didn't think of myself as having a problem with anxiety and maybe it was because I didn't recognize that I even had a problem with binge eating until around this time last year.
Maybe it's oldtimers disease?
I have spent my whole life trying to articulate the short versions of what I want to say with very limited success. Today my short version is that I have a problem with anxiety, which I did realize once or twice before. I can influence the amount of anxiety I have a lot. I can try to change the issues that stress me (useful, slow and difficult), and I can try to deal with the issues that come up in a way that doesn't increase my anxiety (useful, quick, repetitious). I can do things that reduce it. When I reduce it enough the binge eating goes away.
That's a short story so short that it seems almost untruthful to me because so much is left out. Still it seems like a revelation to me just now.
Alteredimage
New member
I'm glad you're feeling positive today!
Don't you love these wonderful moments of enlightenment.
Anxiety tends to trigger my binging as well, along with stress, and depression, and boredom, and the fact that I just love to eat. Lol.
I found that immediately recognizing the triggers is a step in the right direction of diffusing the problem at it's core, in the midst of the moment.
felici
Well-known member
I guess I see anxiety as something that comes after stress. I have binged for many reasons over the years, but a year ago, the whole of what I'd been doing without massive stress (and mostly without bingeing), for the previous year was totally derailed by binge eating and I honestly was stymied. I hadn't run out of ideas for what to TRY, but I had run out of certainty about what would work. I'm confident now that the underlying issue was anxiety.
I totally agree about recognizing the triggers. The change for me now is that instead of recognizing triggers for bingeing, I'm now looking at triggers for anxiety and trying to influence THAT as you say, at its core, in the midst of the moment.
I totally agree about recognizing the triggers. The change for me now is that instead of recognizing triggers for bingeing, I'm now looking at triggers for anxiety and trying to influence THAT as you say, at its core, in the midst of the moment.
cinderelly
New member
Im glad you seem to be figuring things outIt isnt easy to pin points and such...You were always such a great big positive here on the forum, your loaded with it and we have all missed you and missed it!
It isnt easy to pin points and such...You were always such a great big positive here on the forum, your loaded with it and we have all missed you and missed it!
felici
Well-known member
I guess I am in the habit of noticing triggers now. I spent a while doing that, some months ago without trying to influence them.
Mine are not that hard to miss just now - quite often I just get that sinking feeling, knowing that someone is about to do the same thing they've done before that drives me crazy - a "stress is coming" moment, where I can can make some choices about how I think about that situation and how stressful I will let it be. Or maybe I don't know it's coming beforehand - but I feel the steam coming out of my ears! Then it's a matter of how long I'm going to let my emotion roll for, and what am I going to do next. For example, I might consider whether the situation is important enough to deserve my response, and if it is, maybe shift the emotion it to an awareness that I WAS rightfully angry without choosing to stay tense and instead letting the tension go from my muscles. I'm still learning, but it is working.
As far as I can remember I was fully outraged twice today. Both times I reckon I was justified in being put out. A woman tried to pinch my parking space in clear defiance of the parking lot etiquette, and my husband firstly reached in between me and the chopping board I was using, so that he could get a little water, then dumped dog meat in the clean bowl I was about to cook cabbage in. So sure, I was justified in asserting myself. Did I need steam coming out of my ears? Nah, not really.
Consequently, I reckon that as well as the in-the-moment stuff, I still need to work on lowering my overall levels of stress also. To do that, I need more physical exercise, and also I need to set aside some time to practice relaxation exercises. On the plus side, I was less anxious than I've been, I was not especially focused on food but I ate properly, and I DIDn't have steam coming out of my ears on about 12 other occasions when I might have done!!
Mine are not that hard to miss just now - quite often I just get that sinking feeling, knowing that someone is about to do the same thing they've done before that drives me crazy - a "stress is coming" moment, where I can can make some choices about how I think about that situation and how stressful I will let it be. Or maybe I don't know it's coming beforehand - but I feel the steam coming out of my ears! Then it's a matter of how long I'm going to let my emotion roll for, and what am I going to do next. For example, I might consider whether the situation is important enough to deserve my response, and if it is, maybe shift the emotion it to an awareness that I WAS rightfully angry without choosing to stay tense and instead letting the tension go from my muscles. I'm still learning, but it is working.
As far as I can remember I was fully outraged twice today. Both times I reckon I was justified in being put out. A woman tried to pinch my parking space in clear defiance of the parking lot etiquette, and my husband firstly reached in between me and the chopping board I was using, so that he could get a little water, then dumped dog meat in the clean bowl I was about to cook cabbage in. So sure, I was justified in asserting myself. Did I need steam coming out of my ears? Nah, not really.
Consequently, I reckon that as well as the in-the-moment stuff, I still need to work on lowering my overall levels of stress also. To do that, I need more physical exercise, and also I need to set aside some time to practice relaxation exercises. On the plus side, I was less anxious than I've been, I was not especially focused on food but I ate properly, and I DIDn't have steam coming out of my ears on about 12 other occasions when I might have done!!
cinderelly
New member
Are you still exercising?Even just a little bit.Those kinda things totally set me off too however I notice when im not exercise as much as usual or at all I get stressed to the max and set off alot more and alot more easily!
Alteredimage
New member
Lol.
I hear ya.
When you said "steam coming out of your ears..." it made me think of myself.
I babysit full-time so I spend most my days feeling like my nerve endings are danglin from my finger tips, I'm wound so tight. Lol.
Like right now, I have a four year old in my lap repeating LOUDLY: "What happened!? Why is that green thing waving!" (In reference to the Smilies
)
More often than not I'm lucky if I make it through each day without rippin my damn head off.
Lately I've been trying really hard to just chill out though. It makes things so much easier, and life a lot more enjoyable.
Def not as easy said as done tho.
But you're right. Exercise really does help with this. Get's all your endorphins running.
I hear ya.
When you said "steam coming out of your ears..." it made me think of myself.
I babysit full-time so I spend most my days feeling like my nerve endings are danglin from my finger tips, I'm wound so tight. Lol.
Like right now, I have a four year old in my lap repeating LOUDLY: "What happened!? Why is that green thing waving!" (In reference to the Smilies
)More often than not I'm lucky if I make it through each day without rippin my damn head off.
Lately I've been trying really hard to just chill out though. It makes things so much easier, and life a lot more enjoyable.
Def not as easy said as done tho.
But you're right. Exercise really does help with this. Get's all your endorphins running.
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felici
Well-known member
Yep. It's not easy staying cool when there are kids around, but it's worth the effort. Also it's worth the effort to try and cool down after erupting - as I did this afternoon. It really took an effort though.
I had a fabulous walk this morning and knowing that I had, was a help in keeping and then getting myself back together. I was a bit late leaving on the walk, so I was lucky the weather was so pleasant. I took my time, took photos, listened to what is currently the full set of music on my phone and just blissed out.
I hadn't expected that it would make me feel so good. It wasn't really my intention to get a lot out of it physically, just to shift myself towards the place where I want to be. For a long time I've had the idea that the best way for me to make sure I get consistent exercise is to have a habit of doing it very soon after I get up. This was the first little step towards putting it in the right position.
After clashing with my son today, and then doing what else I needed, I was really tired and drained. I've just woken up after falling asleep earlier than normal. I was quite interested to notice how much more tired I was than I have been. I'm guessing it was some hormonal thing related to what happened previously. Feeling sleepy can be a real trap for me, tying in with impulsive poorly controlled eating, so I was super careful about it. So far so good though. This has turned out to be another day where I ate lightly and in a balanced way, with no battles about food.
I had a fabulous walk this morning and knowing that I had, was a help in keeping and then getting myself back together. I was a bit late leaving on the walk, so I was lucky the weather was so pleasant. I took my time, took photos, listened to what is currently the full set of music on my phone and just blissed out.
I hadn't expected that it would make me feel so good. It wasn't really my intention to get a lot out of it physically, just to shift myself towards the place where I want to be. For a long time I've had the idea that the best way for me to make sure I get consistent exercise is to have a habit of doing it very soon after I get up. This was the first little step towards putting it in the right position.
After clashing with my son today, and then doing what else I needed, I was really tired and drained. I've just woken up after falling asleep earlier than normal. I was quite interested to notice how much more tired I was than I have been. I'm guessing it was some hormonal thing related to what happened previously. Feeling sleepy can be a real trap for me, tying in with impulsive poorly controlled eating, so I was super careful about it. So far so good though. This has turned out to be another day where I ate lightly and in a balanced way, with no battles about food.
Curvie Girlie
New member
Welcome back!
It's good to "see" you I don't think you need to apologize! But yes, we're glad to have you back Curvie Girlie
New member
I HIGHLY recommend Yoga
It did wonders for me! Changed my life, and no I'm not talking Bikram, LOL!I'm the same way with lack of sleep--makes me eat uncontrollably at times
Glad you enjoyed your walk, and you're right--more exercise and relaxation techniques will help ya in your weight loss / fitness adventure, happy travels!
felici
Well-known member
Thanks. It's good to "see" you too. That energetic avvie really suits you.Welcome back!
Yeah, I guess, I've never felt that anyone else should apologize for being away. It just made me feel bad that people left those kind messages with no visible response from me.
At any rate, this has been a good move for me.
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felici
Well-known member
Right now, I'd need some physiotherapy before I tried yoga, but I have the physio booked and the yoga sounds like a good idea.
I just checked - if I go to bed early enough Saturday night, my health club has yoga classes (not Bikram I hope!!) on Sunday morning. (Mind you it is 3 am here now, so that's not exactly a good indication of how likely I am to get up in time
I just checked - if I go to bed early enough Saturday night, my health club has yoga classes (not Bikram I hope!!) on Sunday morning. (Mind you it is 3 am here now, so that's not exactly a good indication of how likely I am to get up in time
felici
Well-known member
I don't have space in a pm for this, and maybe it's more relevant to put it here anyway.
Self-Criticism
I think criticism can be another word for assessment, and I think self-assessment is required for us to make changes in our lives. Otherwise why would we make changes? How would we know whether the changes are the ones we want?
Attacking ourselves, hating ourselves, putting ourselves down in harsh ways - these are different to healthy self criticism and do damage to ourselves just as much as they would damage our children if we treated them that way. I agree that it can lock us in to negative patterns. I think at times, we can damage ourselves with self hate without even being consciously aware of that. I'm quite sure I've done that. When I was here last year I wrote about a confusing moment I had while I was fighting a potential binge, and over the past months I've often been reminded of that moment. (It's here but geez such a long post and barely relevant - it was just the start of my awareness). I think I've recovered, but I do keep going back and poking the spot because I see I'm not perfectly achieving everything I want, and I like to make sure that's not the reason. I don't want it sneaking up on me again.
I suppose I could try to counteract it with affirmations to myself, and I might do that, though today I have a pretty long to do list and for the near future I have an even longer one. Even deciding to add an affirmation would mean doing a bunch of mental juggling. I suppose it would be like adding a new piece of paper to my messy office type area and trying to decide where to file it. So I will just put the consideration down on-line as a draft file - I'll get to it.
Part of what I'm trying to do as I recover is to keep making progress with a bunch of different parts of my life that are all important to me - weight loss and personal growth are only two of a bigger number. I don't want any of them to get out of control and end up punching me in the head. I'm trying to make changes slowly across a range of parts of my life. LOL. No I'm not - I'm trying to make changes fast across a range of parts of my life, but I only have so much time in the day and I'm trying to practice the discipline of attending to all of them. So that makes some of them reasonably slow, the way they probably should be anyway. I'm a person that loves to follow my inclinations to their extremes, and I don't want to lose that altogether, but I want to be very careful about how I handle it. I think that's critical for me to maintain a weight loss long term.
do you think people who love themselves and their bodies neither abuse themselves nor others?
That seems reasonable - like it makes sense that it would be true. I don't have any personal experience or knowledge of studies or stories that would contradict that. On the other hand I know that people who hate themselves may abuse themselves or others. It would be a hard thing to actually be sure about though.
I can imagine a person who does love herself and her body but has a few insecurities about what she's capable of, and yet wishes to achieve something she's not sure she can manage. (Maybe something like starting a new type of work, or taking a promotion.) She could be safe and not try, or take a risk and give it a go. Maybe she could even believe it was something she could well cope with, then find out she'd been misled about what was required. While she's in the area she's not sure about, she might react badly to the way someone else treats her.
Yes, the love herself thing would impact but what if she gets snowed under with a lot of conflicting demands and a short timeline? What if she's also under physical stress - sudden back pain? Even if she decided it would be more loving to herself to leave, she might be caught in a position where she was responsible for carrying on for a while, regardless of feeling inadequate, and leaving would cause distress to other people. I guess we could say that during that time, she would be loving herself less and that would be why she might make a bad decision that hurts someone else, or stress out and speak meanly to them. Still she might have been loving herself to start with. That's just a fairly simple example. Real life is more complex.
I guess I think that generalizations like the love one, can give us some big clues about useful behaviors, without being the whole story.
Self-Criticism
I think criticism can be another word for assessment, and I think self-assessment is required for us to make changes in our lives. Otherwise why would we make changes? How would we know whether the changes are the ones we want?
Attacking ourselves, hating ourselves, putting ourselves down in harsh ways - these are different to healthy self criticism and do damage to ourselves just as much as they would damage our children if we treated them that way. I agree that it can lock us in to negative patterns. I think at times, we can damage ourselves with self hate without even being consciously aware of that. I'm quite sure I've done that. When I was here last year I wrote about a confusing moment I had while I was fighting a potential binge, and over the past months I've often been reminded of that moment. (It's here but geez such a long post and barely relevant - it was just the start of my awareness). I think I've recovered, but I do keep going back and poking the spot because I see I'm not perfectly achieving everything I want, and I like to make sure that's not the reason. I don't want it sneaking up on me again.
I suppose I could try to counteract it with affirmations to myself, and I might do that, though today I have a pretty long to do list and for the near future I have an even longer one. Even deciding to add an affirmation would mean doing a bunch of mental juggling. I suppose it would be like adding a new piece of paper to my messy office type area and trying to decide where to file it. So I will just put the consideration down on-line as a draft file - I'll get to it.
Part of what I'm trying to do as I recover is to keep making progress with a bunch of different parts of my life that are all important to me - weight loss and personal growth are only two of a bigger number. I don't want any of them to get out of control and end up punching me in the head. I'm trying to make changes slowly across a range of parts of my life. LOL. No I'm not - I'm trying to make changes fast across a range of parts of my life, but I only have so much time in the day and I'm trying to practice the discipline of attending to all of them. So that makes some of them reasonably slow, the way they probably should be anyway. I'm a person that loves to follow my inclinations to their extremes, and I don't want to lose that altogether, but I want to be very careful about how I handle it. I think that's critical for me to maintain a weight loss long term.
do you think people who love themselves and their bodies neither abuse themselves nor others?
That seems reasonable - like it makes sense that it would be true. I don't have any personal experience or knowledge of studies or stories that would contradict that. On the other hand I know that people who hate themselves may abuse themselves or others. It would be a hard thing to actually be sure about though.
I can imagine a person who does love herself and her body but has a few insecurities about what she's capable of, and yet wishes to achieve something she's not sure she can manage. (Maybe something like starting a new type of work, or taking a promotion.) She could be safe and not try, or take a risk and give it a go. Maybe she could even believe it was something she could well cope with, then find out she'd been misled about what was required. While she's in the area she's not sure about, she might react badly to the way someone else treats her.
Yes, the love herself thing would impact but what if she gets snowed under with a lot of conflicting demands and a short timeline? What if she's also under physical stress - sudden back pain? Even if she decided it would be more loving to herself to leave, she might be caught in a position where she was responsible for carrying on for a while, regardless of feeling inadequate, and leaving would cause distress to other people. I guess we could say that during that time, she would be loving herself less and that would be why she might make a bad decision that hurts someone else, or stress out and speak meanly to them. Still she might have been loving herself to start with. That's just a fairly simple example. Real life is more complex.
I guess I think that generalizations like the love one, can give us some big clues about useful behaviors, without being the whole story.
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