Cannon 2006
New member
LOL about the thighs. Hang in there, you're doing great and looking great.
This is the time
- Thread starter felici
- Start date
felici
Well-known member
Thanks Cannon. 
Nice still photos from the front are definitely my best bet!
I am feeling ok again now.
As far as the possibility of another binge goes, I am almost as nervous as when I first started here. However, it may be that I am nervous enough to be as careful about my food as when I first started here. If so, that may protect me.
Thinking back, it's my impression that it's my food that goes wrong first, before the binge feelings attack. I think my emotional state just prolongs the binge, rather than initiating it, and of course, poor eating helps make me emotionally vulnerable anyway.
Well this is my current theory. It is not all that different to my old theory that took me through 10 relatively steady months, except that it accommodates the reality that emotional states can also have a big impact on me.
It's still all a bit tricky - cos I also want to learn how to be less careful but still successful at managing my weight!! I want to be able to have holiday time that's different to normal but doesn't throw me way off course. Timing matters I guess. Clearly this is not a time when experimenting is being kind to me. I really need to be in a different place with my weight first before cut myself any more slack I think.
Nice still photos from the front are definitely my best bet!
I am feeling ok again now.
As far as the possibility of another binge goes, I am almost as nervous as when I first started here. However, it may be that I am nervous enough to be as careful about my food as when I first started here. If so, that may protect me.
Thinking back, it's my impression that it's my food that goes wrong first, before the binge feelings attack. I think my emotional state just prolongs the binge, rather than initiating it, and of course, poor eating helps make me emotionally vulnerable anyway.
Well this is my current theory. It is not all that different to my old theory that took me through 10 relatively steady months, except that it accommodates the reality that emotional states can also have a big impact on me.
It's still all a bit tricky - cos I also want to learn how to be less careful but still successful at managing my weight!! I want to be able to have holiday time that's different to normal but doesn't throw me way off course. Timing matters I guess. Clearly this is not a time when experimenting is being kind to me. I really need to be in a different place with my weight first before cut myself any more slack I think.
bmohearn
New member
I"m glad you are feeling better. I like your theory. Weight loss is just really hard to begin with. You won't go anywhere unless you actually stick your mind to it. Its a very emotional thing as well. You'll be able to figure it out. You have come so far in your weight loss journey. You can figure out what works and what doesn't work for you.
felici
Well-known member
Sorry, wishes, this should have been before my last post. I lost the reply I wrote to this yesterday. Thanks for that thought. I do take a multi and it includes iron. Now and again I forget it, or even forget the whole handful of pills I take for a few days. I will definitely keep going with the glucosamine and the fish oil tabs, which seem to have other acknowledged protective effects. I'm not sure whether I need the multi or not - but it strikes me as a useful precaution for now, so I reckon I will continue until I'm trying to maintain at least. They do say a healthy balanced diet will give you these things and I think mine is. (Though maybe lacking iodine because of where I live). Also, I had an early menopause a few years ago and I'm pretty well sure that I'm over any changes to do with that. I have a yneverknow attitude to the multi though.
bmohearn
Yes, you're right you must "really stick your mind to it". And then I think, if you've had an idea or ended up in circumstances that have unstuck it somewhat, you need to hang on to the thought that you can add more glue!
felici
Well-known member
I've been wondering lately whether the calories I've been vaguely aiming toward, is appropriate. I did all the calculations again, maybe used a different person's! I don't know! But anyway, I don't think it would hurt to bump them up a bit, but be careful about what I bump them up with. I think they have been a bit light on fairly often.
Tuesday 25 February 2008.
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato tomato (25). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 463 calories.
Snack 11:00: Banana (75), pear (30).
Lunch: 2:20 6 wholemeal Vive crackers (150) with 100 gm cottage cheese (90). 1/2 Carrot (20), capsicum(10), snow peas (7). 1 apricot (15). 1 nectarine (45). 200 gm diet apricot yoghurt (84). 20 gm walnuts (100) .
Lunch- 521 calories
I bought the walnuts the other day because I wanted an extra protein I could add when I was hungry or felt like a snack. I have bought almonds in the past because I sort of remembered them as having the least fat. Trouble is I love them, especially the dry roasted kind that's been available lately, so it's always kind of hard to limit how many I have. So then there's walnuts, which are supposed to be the most beneficial for heart health and maybe lowering cholesterol (though mine's ok), and which I don't care for much as a snack! LOL! So I figured, that in the same way that I changed from drinking white wine to red wine when I was younger, so as my bottle would last a whole party, I might change to walnuts for a sometimes snack, or added protein with a little less guilt attached. So far so good.
Snack 5:00 : 25 gm beef jerky (72).
I went out shopping rather late, while I was feeling a bit hungry. I resisted the bakery! It has healthy food there, but it's healthy food that seems to make me want more. I considered buying some fresh fruit or vege before I shopped properly, but I'm going to try adding extra protein when I feel hungry for now, so I chose the jerky. My blood pressure is very good so I don't feel like the salt is too risky. I'm thinking that extra protein is the heavy artillery in the snack department, but maybe it's time for the heavy artillery!! It's hard to argue (with myself!), about having had enough to eat, when it's protein, especially if I had to chew quite hard to eat it.
Dinner: 7:15 Wholemeal bread roll (160), with 120 gm mullet(144) fried in EVO oil (50), and some tomato (10), mushroom, lettuce and capsicum (10). Also, celery (5), carrot(40), cabbage (30), cucumber (5), snow peas (5). Dinner - 432.
And lots of diet drinks again.
Total – 1593
LOL! I haven't eaten any more than yesterday, just eaten it earlier - and now I've had dinner and it feels like a lot - so I really don't want to eat any more. Well I'm not going to eat extra if I don't feel hungry. For me that's an old habit that needs killing off, not being supported.
I might have some fruit or a glass of soy milk if I'm hungry later.
I'll see how I go tomorrow.
Exercise: I had my second session with the trainer. 5 minutes warm up on elliptical. 1/2 hour weight machines.
Then I went off and swam for 35 minutes. I was right there at the health club and I had to talk myself into doing something more! That is weird.
I rang him to say I was available for another session (not working, again), today and checked what he wanted for the warm up. It was 30 minutes on the crosstrainer, at 120-130 heartrate.
So my daughter had to be deloused, and then she really really wanted me to walk her to her classroom, so I was late, and only had 15 minutes possible to use that machine after all. Not on purpose, I swear. And the trainer was in the lobby and saw what time I arrived. We said hi - me guiltily.
After I had been on the machine 5 minutes (which he might have thought was 10, cos might have thought I wouldn't stretch first, but I don't like to skip that), he came and said that was ok, let's get started, we can start 10 minutes early. OK. I explained that my heart rate as he arrived was 140, because I was having trouble walking slowly enough to make it go under that. He said fine, train at 130-140 instead. I said, yesterday I was here for half an hour doing 150 - 175, mostly at the high end, and he said, fine, do that - just as long as you can stay on for the half hour. OK. And then I said, but I was really pushing myself and really sweaty and puffed, and so he said, fine train at 150-160. OK.
And then it turned out he meant it about starting on the machines. OK. He genuinely seemed worried that if I started on the weights it would turn out that even an unweighted bar might hurt me, and wanting to see how I could handle the machines before we tried the free weights, which he would show me on Thursday. And I had forgotten to tell him I have no latissimus dorsi muscles in my back, though I know I wrote it down and also told the manager, somehow this guy's questions didn't remind me about it ... so I told him before we started, and that made him even more nervous!! Understandably I guess. So anyway, we went through about 6 machines, which was challenging enough to be honest, and reminded me that my left shoulder sometimes hurts (he said, probably cos weak, stop when it hurts, it needs more exercise, but not then), and that my forearms feel uncomfortable at times (cos they are not strong enough, and that is another reason not to do free weights yet). Also he said again, that the machines will help me lose weight, and work a whole bunch of muscles at once. I said, again, that it's not the losing weight that is making me do this rather than some other exercise, but more that I'd like to be stronger. I wasn't trying to argue, I just wanted him to have a better idea about what I was aiming for. And he said that the weight machines would help. And you would think so! I know free weights will help more in the long run, because you need to use the rest of your body to stabilize them, and they will give me strength that's more useful everyday, but maybe I have to wait to get that?
Wanting to be stronger. It's coming back to me now, that the reason I kept thinking about doing this in the past, was because while I was exercising I could see that the other things I did by myself, would be good for my legs, but I figured the top half of my body was missing out a bit. And my core I suppose, though there are those gruesome body weight exercises, that I dare say I will come back to.
So afterwards he says, if I can come again tomorrow and have another go on the machines by myself, that would be good, because it would help me get the movements and be a bit more prepared, before he shows me how to use the free weights on Thursday, seeing as that is the thing I wanted to learn.
So now what do I do? I see his point. I know I am weak, so maybe I just should do these machines for a while before I do the weights. If that is what I'm going to do. If I really am not ready, then surely Thursday is not a good time for him to show the other movements. I will forget them by the time I am ready. I think they like to get these triple pack introductions out of the way, so he's keen to be done with it, but it might not be best for me.
Or, seeing as he is making mistakes in other areas, eg, thought the date of our next appointment was different to the date he wrote on the card he gave me, reckoned the girl after me today was wrong about what time her appointment was -though she said it was written down, he didn't acknowledge that and just said, no it was definitely 11:30, told me I couldn't use the elliptical over 130, then told me it didn't matter, told me I should be on there for 30 minutes (though that's weird), then took me off after 10, told me he'd give me the results of his assessment of me today, but then didn't ... and seeing as the club manager didn't tell me you have to have a certain level of strength first before you do free weights, and said he didn't like the machines ... I don't know. This trainer seems quite convinced about this,but I see that he does sound sure about other things that he ought not sound sure about. I have hurt myself doing easier things in the past.
I really, really don't want to try too much too fast and hurt myself now.
I just don't understand why this topic has come up so late.
Tuesday 25 February 2008.
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato tomato (25). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 463 calories.
Snack 11:00: Banana (75), pear (30).
Lunch: 2:20 6 wholemeal Vive crackers (150) with 100 gm cottage cheese (90). 1/2 Carrot (20), capsicum(10), snow peas (7). 1 apricot (15). 1 nectarine (45). 200 gm diet apricot yoghurt (84). 20 gm walnuts (100) .
Lunch- 521 calories
I bought the walnuts the other day because I wanted an extra protein I could add when I was hungry or felt like a snack. I have bought almonds in the past because I sort of remembered them as having the least fat. Trouble is I love them, especially the dry roasted kind that's been available lately, so it's always kind of hard to limit how many I have. So then there's walnuts, which are supposed to be the most beneficial for heart health and maybe lowering cholesterol (though mine's ok), and which I don't care for much as a snack! LOL! So I figured, that in the same way that I changed from drinking white wine to red wine when I was younger, so as my bottle would last a whole party, I might change to walnuts for a sometimes snack, or added protein with a little less guilt attached. So far so good.
Snack 5:00 : 25 gm beef jerky (72).
I went out shopping rather late, while I was feeling a bit hungry. I resisted the bakery! It has healthy food there, but it's healthy food that seems to make me want more. I considered buying some fresh fruit or vege before I shopped properly, but I'm going to try adding extra protein when I feel hungry for now, so I chose the jerky. My blood pressure is very good so I don't feel like the salt is too risky. I'm thinking that extra protein is the heavy artillery in the snack department, but maybe it's time for the heavy artillery!! It's hard to argue (with myself!), about having had enough to eat, when it's protein, especially if I had to chew quite hard to eat it.
Dinner: 7:15 Wholemeal bread roll (160), with 120 gm mullet(144) fried in EVO oil (50), and some tomato (10), mushroom, lettuce and capsicum (10). Also, celery (5), carrot(40), cabbage (30), cucumber (5), snow peas (5). Dinner - 432.
And lots of diet drinks again.
Total – 1593
LOL! I haven't eaten any more than yesterday, just eaten it earlier - and now I've had dinner and it feels like a lot - so I really don't want to eat any more. Well I'm not going to eat extra if I don't feel hungry. For me that's an old habit that needs killing off, not being supported.
I might have some fruit or a glass of soy milk if I'm hungry later.
I'll see how I go tomorrow.
Exercise: I had my second session with the trainer. 5 minutes warm up on elliptical. 1/2 hour weight machines.
Then I went off and swam for 35 minutes. I was right there at the health club and I had to talk myself into doing something more! That is weird.
I rang him to say I was available for another session (not working, again), today and checked what he wanted for the warm up. It was 30 minutes on the crosstrainer, at 120-130 heartrate.
So my daughter had to be deloused, and then she really really wanted me to walk her to her classroom, so I was late, and only had 15 minutes possible to use that machine after all. Not on purpose, I swear. And the trainer was in the lobby and saw what time I arrived. We said hi - me guiltily.
After I had been on the machine 5 minutes (which he might have thought was 10, cos might have thought I wouldn't stretch first, but I don't like to skip that), he came and said that was ok, let's get started, we can start 10 minutes early. OK. I explained that my heart rate as he arrived was 140, because I was having trouble walking slowly enough to make it go under that. He said fine, train at 130-140 instead. I said, yesterday I was here for half an hour doing 150 - 175, mostly at the high end, and he said, fine, do that - just as long as you can stay on for the half hour. OK. And then I said, but I was really pushing myself and really sweaty and puffed, and so he said, fine train at 150-160. OK.
And then it turned out he meant it about starting on the machines. OK. He genuinely seemed worried that if I started on the weights it would turn out that even an unweighted bar might hurt me, and wanting to see how I could handle the machines before we tried the free weights, which he would show me on Thursday. And I had forgotten to tell him I have no latissimus dorsi muscles in my back, though I know I wrote it down and also told the manager, somehow this guy's questions didn't remind me about it ... so I told him before we started, and that made him even more nervous!! Understandably I guess. So anyway, we went through about 6 machines, which was challenging enough to be honest, and reminded me that my left shoulder sometimes hurts (he said, probably cos weak, stop when it hurts, it needs more exercise, but not then), and that my forearms feel uncomfortable at times (cos they are not strong enough, and that is another reason not to do free weights yet). Also he said again, that the machines will help me lose weight, and work a whole bunch of muscles at once. I said, again, that it's not the losing weight that is making me do this rather than some other exercise, but more that I'd like to be stronger. I wasn't trying to argue, I just wanted him to have a better idea about what I was aiming for. And he said that the weight machines would help. And you would think so! I know free weights will help more in the long run, because you need to use the rest of your body to stabilize them, and they will give me strength that's more useful everyday, but maybe I have to wait to get that?
Wanting to be stronger. It's coming back to me now, that the reason I kept thinking about doing this in the past, was because while I was exercising I could see that the other things I did by myself, would be good for my legs, but I figured the top half of my body was missing out a bit. And my core I suppose, though there are those gruesome body weight exercises, that I dare say I will come back to.
So afterwards he says, if I can come again tomorrow and have another go on the machines by myself, that would be good, because it would help me get the movements and be a bit more prepared, before he shows me how to use the free weights on Thursday, seeing as that is the thing I wanted to learn.
So now what do I do? I see his point. I know I am weak, so maybe I just should do these machines for a while before I do the weights. If that is what I'm going to do. If I really am not ready, then surely Thursday is not a good time for him to show the other movements. I will forget them by the time I am ready. I think they like to get these triple pack introductions out of the way, so he's keen to be done with it, but it might not be best for me.
Or, seeing as he is making mistakes in other areas, eg, thought the date of our next appointment was different to the date he wrote on the card he gave me, reckoned the girl after me today was wrong about what time her appointment was -though she said it was written down, he didn't acknowledge that and just said, no it was definitely 11:30, told me I couldn't use the elliptical over 130, then told me it didn't matter, told me I should be on there for 30 minutes (though that's weird), then took me off after 10, told me he'd give me the results of his assessment of me today, but then didn't ... and seeing as the club manager didn't tell me you have to have a certain level of strength first before you do free weights, and said he didn't like the machines ... I don't know. This trainer seems quite convinced about this,but I see that he does sound sure about other things that he ought not sound sure about. I have hurt myself doing easier things in the past.
I really, really don't want to try too much too fast and hurt myself now.
I just don't understand why this topic has come up so late.
Last edited:
wishes
Coffee Addict
Sounds like a goober. I can understand being cautious about stuff, but that sounds more clueless. 30 mins on the eliptical can only do good, dont worry about the heart rate, just go as fast as you can go so long as you can maintain it for a while (if you start fast and go slower, dont stress either).
felici
Well-known member
Thanks wishes.
Yeah, a goober. Nice enough, but I don't think I want him giving me more advice.
At least my contacts with him have gotten me onto the elliptical - and I have ended up having some fun on there doing my own things! And working out pretty hard! Plus, I will do the weight machine stuff he showed me. I will just leave the free weights for the future. Perhaps I will have a genuine weight loss plateau sometime and they will be a good boost for that. In the meantime I have plenty else to work on.
I have been trying to chase up some numbers. I don't know why - I suppose that guy got me curious about what really did apply to me. Today I tried to find my maximum heart rate, using something like the test they explain in wikki. I still think it's quite a bit higher than my age would suggest. (I'm 52). I took so long trying to set up my timers and practicing getting my hand onto my neck at the same time, that I was starting to run out of time to do the test. Also I took a while first trying to work out my recovery heart rate. I figured I should do that first to eliminate the possibility that the other test might give me a heart attack! LOL!
Anyway, to test the recovery heart rate I was trying to do 10 minutes hard, then stop and instantly measure my rate for 6 seconds, then again at 1 minute, then 2 minutes. And I kinda did, but I had a 6 second countdown timer going on my mobile phone and a stopwatch going on my pedometer, and knocked the pedometer right off the machine I was so kerfuddled, so I don't feel too sure that I actually counted all the first beats! But I counted it as 140, and then at one minute 110. So if not good, it is at least normal!!
And then as I say I was lacking time a bit, but put the elliptical (not bike like it said in the guide), on to level 2, did 3 minutes (not 5 like it said in the guide), level 3 three minutes, and so on up to about 12 minutes. You're supposed to go till you can't do any more, then do 15 more seconds flat out. So what could I do? I still don't know! I don't really know if I was at the can't possibly do any more stage - but I wanted to be - and if I was, how could I do 15 more seconds!! Just before I gave it away the monitor on the machine showed 177 but then it stopped showing the rate, before I stopped moving. It had already shown 178 briefly earlier on. And then I was supposed to do 15 seconds more but maybe I did 25 because I get numbers muddled up at the best of times, let alone when I'm about to say that's as far as I can go, and I'm trying to remember 2-3 numbers at once. Plus, when I started taking my pulse I was also quite confuddled!! So the first heartrate I got then was 110!! I don't think that was right. and so I took it again and it was 200 (I think! - cos how can you get it exact in 6 seconds... ) At one minute it was 160 and at 2 minutes 130. It really didn't want to go back under 130. In fact on that machine, it was 135 with me going very slowly, and then I slowed it down a bit more and the machine gave up registering that I was doing anything!
Does it matter? Nah I don't reckon, but it gives me some stuff to play with and I need that. I do like the elliiptical, you can move on it, in a bit of a dancing kind of way. Maybe I shouldn't push that too much though because I got numb toes again today the way I used to on my mini-trampoline. Also, compared with a treadmill, I like not worrying about falling and being dragged off it (or being squished and flapped round and round on the tread like a Warner Bros character.)
Yeah, a goober. Nice enough, but I don't think I want him giving me more advice.
At least my contacts with him have gotten me onto the elliptical - and I have ended up having some fun on there doing my own things! And working out pretty hard! Plus, I will do the weight machine stuff he showed me. I will just leave the free weights for the future. Perhaps I will have a genuine weight loss plateau sometime and they will be a good boost for that. In the meantime I have plenty else to work on.
I have been trying to chase up some numbers. I don't know why - I suppose that guy got me curious about what really did apply to me. Today I tried to find my maximum heart rate, using something like the test they explain in wikki. I still think it's quite a bit higher than my age would suggest. (I'm 52). I took so long trying to set up my timers and practicing getting my hand onto my neck at the same time, that I was starting to run out of time to do the test. Also I took a while first trying to work out my recovery heart rate. I figured I should do that first to eliminate the possibility that the other test might give me a heart attack! LOL!
Anyway, to test the recovery heart rate I was trying to do 10 minutes hard, then stop and instantly measure my rate for 6 seconds, then again at 1 minute, then 2 minutes. And I kinda did, but I had a 6 second countdown timer going on my mobile phone and a stopwatch going on my pedometer, and knocked the pedometer right off the machine I was so kerfuddled, so I don't feel too sure that I actually counted all the first beats! But I counted it as 140, and then at one minute 110. So if not good, it is at least normal!!
And then as I say I was lacking time a bit, but put the elliptical (not bike like it said in the guide), on to level 2, did 3 minutes (not 5 like it said in the guide), level 3 three minutes, and so on up to about 12 minutes. You're supposed to go till you can't do any more, then do 15 more seconds flat out. So what could I do? I still don't know! I don't really know if I was at the can't possibly do any more stage - but I wanted to be - and if I was, how could I do 15 more seconds!!
Just before I gave it away the monitor on the machine showed 177 but then it stopped showing the rate, before I stopped moving. It had already shown 178 briefly earlier on. And then I was supposed to do 15 seconds more but maybe I did 25 because I get numbers muddled up at the best of times, let alone when I'm about to say that's as far as I can go, and I'm trying to remember 2-3 numbers at once. Plus, when I started taking my pulse I was also quite confuddled!! So the first heartrate I got then was 110!! I don't think that was right. and so I took it again and it was 200 (I think! - cos how can you get it exact in 6 seconds... ) At one minute it was 160 and at 2 minutes 130. It really didn't want to go back under 130. In fact on that machine, it was 135 with me going very slowly, and then I slowed it down a bit more and the machine gave up registering that I was doing anything! Does it matter? Nah I don't reckon, but it gives me some stuff to play with and I need that. I do like the elliiptical, you can move on it, in a bit of a dancing kind of way. Maybe I shouldn't push that too much though because I got numb toes again today the way I used to on my mini-trampoline. Also, compared with a treadmill, I like not worrying about falling and being dragged off it (or being squished and flapped round and round on the tread like a Warner Bros character.
)
felici
Well-known member
Oh dammit. Where has yesterday's food diary entry gone? I am not retyping it!
I had a normal breakfast. I had a medium sized breadroll, topped with 40 gm light hard cheese and veges for lunch. I had a large breadroll with a home made beef mince hamburger in it for dinner. I skipped the extra salad a dinner time but did have a yoghurt and 3 dates. Also I had fruit before I went to the gym and beef jerky afterwards, and lunch after that.
My calories were about 1780.
That was about what I had been aiming at the day before, but now I've been checking more sites and they all give me different maintenance calories, so I'm not so sure what my daily calories should be. I'm not going to worry about them too much as long as I'm eating well enough to keep control of that binge eating tendency until it's thoroughly squashed again.
I had a normal breakfast. I had a medium sized breadroll, topped with 40 gm light hard cheese and veges for lunch. I had a large breadroll with a home made beef mince hamburger in it for dinner. I skipped the extra salad a dinner time but did have a yoghurt and 3 dates. Also I had fruit before I went to the gym and beef jerky afterwards, and lunch after that.
My calories were about 1780.
That was about what I had been aiming at the day before, but now I've been checking more sites and they all give me different maintenance calories, so I'm not so sure what my daily calories should be. I'm not going to worry about them too much as long as I'm eating well enough to keep control of that binge eating tendency until it's thoroughly squashed again.
felici
Well-known member
Thursday 28 February. 2008
I found I often thought about eating dangerous food. I kept noticing it – over and over. I didn't ever have the sense that I would, but the idea came up repeatedly, and wearing the kind of disguises I've seen before.
I got “You feel like kid. You're relaxed. It's summer. It 's a day off. You've been to the beach. It's hot as. Your lips taste of salt, your hair's tangled. You still have sandy patches. The sky's so blue. You feel like a kid.”
(= “you're relaxed, and that's good, why not be even more relaxed) &
(= it's like a holiday, normal rules/patterns/habits don't apply)
“Well, then at least have a cappuccino ...”
(= you're entitled to something marginal at least)
(= you do have this sometimes = this is ok)
“Remember what that new Cookies and Cream version tastes like ...”
(= you know it's to die for.)
“And your kid is going to buy an icecream.”
(= other people are)
“You're hungry. You haven't eaten in a while ...”
(= pay attention!)
“You know I'm going to keep on nagging you about this ...”
(= might as well give in now)
There was even the “Just one ..”, but really that idea didn't even get to the second word.
And the main thing I thought every time is I am NOT going back there. It's purgatory.
And also I thought, yeah, holidays = danger days. Even “feels like holidays”/ “feels special” = danger, at present. This feeling I have of today being like a holiday puts me right in a pattern I remember from happening at the start of 3 major lapses. If I started another binge now it would be like not even properly getting over the last one – it's as though I progress for a few days then there's one or two off days. Didn't the last one happen just last week? This just proves again that a few days of decent eating and no challenge, doesn't mean it's done with. I'm just not at a place to afford any risks. It is soooo much easier to shut all that down at the first peep.
But one time, I thought, today is a bit special (the kids were home), so I'll put a bit more effort into my lunch. And it was good. Good in an okay way, I think. The one thing I did all day that may have been a little careless was having a properly ripe banana by itself, and quite a long way in advance of much activity – but it worked out okay. I'm pretty pleased with myself about today. (LOL if you hadn't already guessed!!)
I found I often thought about eating dangerous food. I kept noticing it – over and over. I didn't ever have the sense that I would, but the idea came up repeatedly, and wearing the kind of disguises I've seen before.
I got “You feel like kid. You're relaxed. It's summer. It 's a day off. You've been to the beach. It's hot as. Your lips taste of salt, your hair's tangled. You still have sandy patches. The sky's so blue. You feel like a kid.”
(= “you're relaxed, and that's good, why not be even more relaxed) &
(= it's like a holiday, normal rules/patterns/habits don't apply)
“Well, then at least have a cappuccino ...”
(= you're entitled to something marginal at least)
(= you do have this sometimes = this is ok)
“Remember what that new Cookies and Cream version tastes like ...”
(= you know it's to die for.)
“And your kid is going to buy an icecream.”
(= other people are)
“You're hungry. You haven't eaten in a while ...”
(= pay attention!)
“You know I'm going to keep on nagging you about this ...”
(= might as well give in now)
There was even the “Just one ..”, but really that idea didn't even get to the second word.
And the main thing I thought every time is I am NOT going back there. It's purgatory.
And also I thought, yeah, holidays = danger days. Even “feels like holidays”/ “feels special” = danger, at present. This feeling I have of today being like a holiday puts me right in a pattern I remember from happening at the start of 3 major lapses. If I started another binge now it would be like not even properly getting over the last one – it's as though I progress for a few days then there's one or two off days. Didn't the last one happen just last week? This just proves again that a few days of decent eating and no challenge, doesn't mean it's done with. I'm just not at a place to afford any risks. It is soooo much easier to shut all that down at the first peep.
But one time, I thought, today is a bit special (the kids were home), so I'll put a bit more effort into my lunch. And it was good. Good in an okay way, I think. The one thing I did all day that may have been a little careless was having a properly ripe banana by itself, and quite a long way in advance of much activity – but it worked out okay. I'm pretty pleased with myself about today. (LOL if you hadn't already guessed!!)
felici
Well-known member
Thursday 28 February 2008.
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato (25). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 463 calories.
Exercise 9:15 : Swam, and ran and moved in the water, at the beach, for at least an hour. There's a teacher's strike here and the kids were home for the day. I dropped my son with his mates at a beach with some surf and left him in peace there, while the girl and I went elsewhere. The water was too flat and I was conscious of making an effort to make it fun. It was! A couple of times later that day my girl said that it had been fun. One time she said, “We had fun. We were naughty.” I said that we'd had fun, but it hadn't been really naughty fun – it was good fun. She said that she'd had fun – but that I had been “immature” seeing as I'm 50. (How nice of her to leave off a couple of years.) And there were heaps of little fish in the water where we were – and where the boy was there were 10 dolphins really close to him!! I'm kinda glad the teacher's were on strike. I am sick of being at home by myself – working tomorrow though.
Lunch: 12:30 An oatmeal pancake made with ¼ C rolled oats, 1 egg, ¼ C milk and a smear of EVO oil and eaten with ~ 75 gm low fat cottage cheese, some preserved peaches, 2 rashers lean short cut bacon (35), and ¼ large mango. Leftover salad veges from last night: 1/2 Carrot (20), some capsicum(10), snow peas (4).
Lunch- calories
Snack 3:00 : While shopping: 25 gm beef jerky (72).
Exercise: 7:00 One hour tap class. Yep – still lousy – but still getting a buzz every time I realize that I can now do something I couldn't do before, and every time a little piece actually feels like dancing. I probably look forward to this class with less reservation than anything else I do during the week.
Dinner: 8:15 Spaghetti, and a sauce made from tinned salmon, tinned crab, tinned tomatoes, shallots, green olives, lots of parsley, and some basil. Lots of salad veges with cabbage, carrot, celery, broccoli, zucchini, mushroom, cucumber. Dinner -
And lots of diet drinks again.
Total –
I'm out of time. I really have to get to bed. I'll edit this tomorrow and put the calories in. My rough as guts guess is 1500-1600. Not higher or lower than other average days have been lately.
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato (25). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 463 calories.
Exercise 9:15 : Swam, and ran and moved in the water, at the beach, for at least an hour. There's a teacher's strike here and the kids were home for the day. I dropped my son with his mates at a beach with some surf and left him in peace there, while the girl and I went elsewhere. The water was too flat and I was conscious of making an effort to make it fun. It was! A couple of times later that day my girl said that it had been fun. One time she said, “We had fun. We were naughty.” I said that we'd had fun, but it hadn't been really naughty fun – it was good fun. She said that she'd had fun – but that I had been “immature” seeing as I'm 50. (How nice of her to leave off a couple of years.
) And there were heaps of little fish in the water where we were – and where the boy was there were 10 dolphins really close to him!! I'm kinda glad the teacher's were on strike. I am sick of being at home by myself – working tomorrow though.Lunch: 12:30 An oatmeal pancake made with ¼ C rolled oats, 1 egg, ¼ C milk and a smear of EVO oil and eaten with ~ 75 gm low fat cottage cheese, some preserved peaches, 2 rashers lean short cut bacon (35), and ¼ large mango. Leftover salad veges from last night: 1/2 Carrot (20), some capsicum(10), snow peas (4).
Lunch- calories
Snack 3:00 : While shopping: 25 gm beef jerky (72).
Exercise: 7:00 One hour tap class. Yep – still lousy – but still getting a buzz every time I realize that I can now do something I couldn't do before, and every time a little piece actually feels like dancing. I probably look forward to this class with less reservation than anything else I do during the week.
Dinner: 8:15 Spaghetti, and a sauce made from tinned salmon, tinned crab, tinned tomatoes, shallots, green olives, lots of parsley, and some basil. Lots of salad veges with cabbage, carrot, celery, broccoli, zucchini, mushroom, cucumber. Dinner -
And lots of diet drinks again.
Total –
I'm out of time. I really have to get to bed. I'll edit this tomorrow and put the calories in. My rough as guts guess is 1500-1600. Not higher or lower than other average days have been lately.
felici
Well-known member
LOL. Yeah, the girl is right. I'm "immature"! I have taken a lot longer than you guys to address my weight issues properly and being too young for my age is probably why.
I probably still won't bother putting my age in my profile. I imagine that if it was the first thing someone knew about me they would expect me to be different to the way I actually am - and I like to be understood better than that.
I probably still won't bother putting my age in my profile. I imagine that if it was the first thing someone knew about me they would expect me to be different to the way I actually am - and I like to be understood better than that.
felici
Well-known member
I think the state of mind I have is out of synch with my age number. Now that I think back on it, my girl was right the first time. We were naughty on Thursday - just safely naughty. My son did blanch somewhat when she told him, and it is out of synch with my age I guess, unless I have early Alzheimers.
**********************
Friday 28 February
Breakfast normal
Snack Grapes
Lunch 6 crackers, cottage cheese, salad.
Snack Apple
Dinner: 275 gm Chicken marinated in and then cooked in, onion, garlic, tinned tomato, coriander, sage and lots of fresh chilli. 150 gm smashed microwaved potato. Chopped salad with lettuce, tomato, yellow capsicum, snow peas. Diet apricot yoghurt. 3 fresh dates. 1/2 large mango.
Binge: Started with one Crunch Icecream. Which didn't have good enough chocolate on it. Next one Freddo. 3 more icecreams and 3 more Freddoes, didn't help. Freddoes are bad chocolate, that's why I buy them! Not tempting. 1 nice Boost icecream bar, was no help by then either.
I was fighting the urge to eat badly all day. Hence the high level of chilli in the chicken, which did turn out to be very tasty! Also, hence the large serves. Yet in the end I didn't get through.
Why? Well the specific thing I recall is that at the time that I had the first "one" icecream, I was still hankering after a treat, despite having had dates, which I think of as a treat, and having had the mango, which is kind of special and so on. I still wanted more of a buzz. I also recall that at that time I definitely had a choice. I wasn't out of control. Additionally, I still had a choice at a couple of moments after that, despite being sleepy, and falling asleep after having some of this binge food, and before having more. I had a choice, but I really, really wanted to eat a nice icecream. I don't know whether the fact that nothing I ate then tasted that good was a good thing or a bad thing. But I definitely chose to start this, sent a fleeting hope in the direction of "just one", knowing that it probably wouldn't be.
Exercise: None.
So things I see that make this similar to (at least some) other binge days, might be the lack of exercise, being over tired, and having a blah day - it was very hot, and I worked somewhere that was not air conditioned and I found the day boring.
Saturday 29 February 2008
Breakfast: normal, but 9:00
Lunch: single oat pancake (210) with mushrooms (42), a little bacon and 50 gm cottage cheese (45). Large orange (100).
Dinner: Grilled rump - 90gm cooked weight, 90 gm potato m/w and smashed, carrots, broccoli, mushrooms with bacon, gravy.
Exercise: 35 minutes at the gym. 25 minutes on elliptical Heart rate about 150-155. Possibly it was lower than previously because I was on a different machine? but I think I've used this one before. Mainly lower because I forgot my headset and had to listen to the health club music. This music is current and not that special, and I can handle that, but it's too quiet. The other day the channel I got through the head set went crackly after a while, but crackly and loud works better than quiet, I think. I will take the usual bag another time, even if I'm not swimming. Also, I went on one of the machines that guy showed me. I'd left myself short of time to do more.
So, having binged again despite my intentions, what did I think about it this morning? I thought it was a pain - like "now what?" What am I supposed to do? I did everything I could think of to stop wanting the food that could be the start of a binge, but that didn't work.
The only thing that would have worked would have been to just not do it, and wait for it to go. I reckon it would have gone given enough days ... [This is probably a useful thought, only seeing as I haven't managed to do it yet, it's not as encouraging as I'd like.]
I thought other stuff, like "It's one day a week. Some people think having a day off a week is ok." [But that won't work for me because one day off would be like having "just one"]. Also I weighed myself and I lost nothing this week. So whatever I did this week with that binge included seems to equal only maintenance, which is not going to get me to lose weight.
I thought: well if I make today a good day, then at least it's limited and therefore I'm still getting better at this than I was.
I thought: if I added together all the weight I have gained since September and didn't take away all the weight I have lost since September, I wonder how much I would weigh? [A rough guess would be 13 kg (28 lb) more? 5 to lose what I gained in New Zealand, plus 2 kg because that didn't come off in a straight line, plus, 2 kg after Christmas, 3 kg after camp, plus a couple of single kg?] Well, I found that a vague kind of comfort. No I'm not where I should be, but equally right now, all my clothes still fit, so this is not the worst case scenario either.
I had to go out early before I finished my breakfast coffee, which was not good, shopping with insufficient satisfaction ... I just sort of set my mind towards what I want. I thought something like "Mal would say 'Just get on with it'", which amused me slightly, and was effective. Not that she has ever told me to get on with it, but I reckon she would tell herself that. When I came home I went online and looked at weight loss stuff, which was helpful.
I found out why I was getting weirdly differently results about how many calories I should have. It's because I did one lot of calculations adding 244 calories instead of subtracting it.
Well this gives me a heap less calories than I thought I had at the beginning of this week!! Still it's good to have something less rubbery to deal with. Also, in a way it makes more sense, because I'm quite often satisfied at about 1500 a day. Only I have been getting uncomfortable about it, wondering if it was too low and therefore going to cause me problems. Now I find that depending on small differences in how it's calculated, the maintenance calories for someone with my age (52), height (5'0") and weight (78kg) (well I've been using 78 though it's still 79 today [edit good grief - I've given myself 10 extra kilos here - I did use the right numbers in the calculations though. My weight is about 68-69 kg at the date of this post!!), is 1450- 1600. This is with no exercise and just doing things like using the computer.Also, quite late tonight, it occurred to me that every time I have started to really binge, and thought of it as a binge, I have been sitting in the same place in my house, maybe even the same chair. I never binge while I'm sitting at the computer. For a long time, while I was losing weight, I rarely sat there, but in the past couple of months, I have shifted, partly because it is much cooler there, and partly because it is a bit closer to my husband, and partly because there have been some tv shows I've actually wanted to see.
I think I should be able to use that information. A lot of the time, I don't feel like bingeing anyway - even if I am in that room, in that position, yet sometimes I am really struggling - surely it would at least help, if I don't sit in that spot at that time? (Yeah, probably just grasping at straws, but whatever I get right with my mind, however my emotions are, I have a specific behaviour problem, and because it's a habit related behaviour maybe a thing like that might help...) Well, we will see. I don't suppose I'm out of the woods with wanting to eat badly yet. It can't hurt to improve my (inadequate) strategy to do with actually not doing it.
Last edited:
wishes
Coffee Addict
hehe you could always have a routine when eating. Something akin to.
1) Why am i Eating
2) Have I eaten more than xxx calories within the last hour
3) If ive eaten to much and feel like im on a binge, what can i do to stop myself (get out of the house, read a book, walk etc)
4) Take note of how im feeling and what im doing so i can avoid that in future.
Hopefully you can catch yourself earlier in the binge. Took me ages to figure out for myself that i tend to binge/eat when i have a full bowel, and yeah i know its weird, very weird!
1) Why am i Eating
2) Have I eaten more than xxx calories within the last hour
3) If ive eaten to much and feel like im on a binge, what can i do to stop myself (get out of the house, read a book, walk etc)
4) Take note of how im feeling and what im doing so i can avoid that in future.
Hopefully you can catch yourself earlier in the binge. Took me ages to figure out for myself that i tend to binge/eat when i have a full bowel, and yeah i know its weird, very weird!