This is the time

So anyway, I ate, I slept, I sewed the dress, I didn't eat dinner. I went to the party.

I found something ok and ate it. 2 olives (16). The table nibbles were jelly lollies and chocolate coated almonds. I ate about 4 jellies (60) and 4 almonds (116). Someone brought over a plate of cheese. I ate 2 pieces of camembert (100) with crackers (40), and 1 slice apricot cream cheese (50) with a cracker (20). I was offered lots of high fat food and ate everything I was offered. Probably 1 piece of home made fried chicken (150), 1 party pie (155), 2 samosas (80), 1 mini-meat ball (35), 1/4 squid ring(12), 2 potato wedges (100). I just ate what I felt like, no struggle, no excess, nothing healthy. There wasn't much healthy there. I should have eaten dinner before I went.

And then there was dessert. I ate a little piece of mud cake (108), and a little piece of icecream cassata (60), and a little fruit (30). But I hadn't had any birthday cake, so I ate a little of that – Black Forest (200). It all tasted wonderful, so I ate it all again (400).

And then when I got home, as I was bingeing, I ate 1 low calorie icecream (82) and 4 chocolate freddoes (252).
Evening calories – 2070

Total calories for the day 3443.

and then I went to sleep

and thankfully that was the end of that day.

Well, that may or may not have been as revealing to a passing reader as it was to me. I guess more exercise would help, and it's going to have to be exercise with a buzz in it somewhere. And despite the inherent dangers (because they are too absorbing), I need to pick up some more creative outlets.

And then again, what can I do to limit and stop a situation like this even faster another time? I don't know, but if I remember, I am going to try writing during the first day. If I don't the energy for that, I'm going to try sleeping. Hmm. I did try sleeping yesterday already. Well, ok, then I am going to try posting about the situation in my diary asap, even though there probably would be no one here. Or maybe no one here, and maybe I won't say much. I will try to give that a go.
 
Sunday 17 February 2008

Breakfast 9:00: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 458 calories.

Lunch:12:30 4 Vive crackers (100), 100 gm low fat cottage cheese (90), ¼ capsicum (8), a mushroom (3), cucumber (10).
Lunch- 211 calories

Dinner: 150 gm (cooked weight) grilled lean rump (285). 120 gm m/w potato (84), squashed. Some salad veges - 1/4 capsicum (8), carrot (50), cabbage (5), cucumber (8), mushroom ( 2). 200 gm tub diet apricot yoghurt (84).
Dinner - 526 calories

Total – 1195

No exercise.
 
Monday 18 February 2008

Breakfast 7:30 : Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg (70) with a mushroom (2). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 440 calories.

11:30 Small banana (70)

Lunch:1:30 2 slices wholemeal bread (150), toasted, with 30 gm low fat hard cheese (102), 5 gm parmesan (20) and a wee bit of lean bacon (20). 2 mini (95 gm) pears (65).
Lunch- 357 calories

4:45 2 apricots (40)

Dinner 7:45: Homemade hamburger: 100 gm (raw weight) lean beef mince as a patty (170), onions (15) fried in ~ 1/2 tbspn EVO oil (75) 5 gm parmesan (20). 2 slices wholemeal bread (150), tomato (15), gherkin, lettuce, tomato sauce, ~ 1 tspn 97% fatfree mayonnaise (6). Burger - 451 calories.
Salad veges - 1/4 capsicum (8), carrot (40), cabbage (5), cucumber (8), mushroom (2), broccoli, (5), sugar snap peas/snow peas (10). Salad - 78 calories.
14 cashews (126). Boost low fat icecream bar (82). ~ 190 gm watermelon (45) Coffee with hilo milk (5).

Dinner - 787 calories

Total – 1694 calories

Exercise: 8:50 am walked dog briskly in the bush. I made her walk behind me so that I could set my own pace - and she didn't even try to pounce on one lizard. :( Poor old dog, I guess I frightened off all her game. The temperature was good today and if felt nice to be out earlier than usual. I could see tracks in the dirt from the night time visitors.
 
:D Thanks for the thought, Brandy. Monday is finished here!! :D

I will take your good wishes with me for tomorrow morning, as I'm sure you intended!

I hope you have a great Monday!!
 
Tuesday 19 February 2008

Breakfast 7:30 : Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg (70) with a grilled mushroom (2) and 1/2 grilled tomato (15). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 454 calories.

Lunch: 12:30 2 open toasted grilled cheese sandwiches: 2 slices wholemeal bread (150) with 35 gm low fat hard cheese (115), 5 gm parmesan (20), 1/4 yellow capsicum (8), 1 mushroom (2) and 4 black olives ( ?35). 1 carrot (40) Cherries. Which I measured, but don't remember the weight of ~ 8 large (40)? Lunch - 410

Quite a few coffees. (15)

Snack: 5:45 40 gm cold grilled chicken (76)

Dinner 7:15 250 gm grilled skinless chicken thighs (325), with herbs, 1/4 C instant brown onion gravy (25), 120 gm m/w potato squashed (85), a little m/w broccoli (5), a small m/w carrot (40). Dinner - 480

Total calories - 1435

No exercise.

Quite a few stuff ups today, but not with food I hope. Oh well actually I had a bad one that was with food. I shopped early for bread, additional fresh veges, cherries, yoghurt, fish. I was really pleased that I was totally topped up as far as the food we needed, and had a good plan for dinner for everyone, and then I remembered that I hadn't rung my mum last night to see if her dog was ok, and then while I was still talking to her I got home and the lawn mower guy was there and I had to pay him, and he was trying to say how are you while I was still on the phone to my mum and ... after lunch I thought, oh I think I will eat those cherries and buy more for my husband and guess where all my food was ... still in the back of my warm stationwagon ... and I was soooooo disappointed with myself and discouraged. My husband would slit someone's throat if he knew I had wasted all that stuff ... mine or his, I don't know which ... I could save a bit but not much.

I have been doing those luminosity exercises every day too ...

Really there's no use crying over ...

I know

and I am so turning into my mother, to be still thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And telling other people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but sometimes my guilt is bigger than my logic.

I wonder if it will help if I go to bed at a decent hour tonight. :ack2::rolleyes:
 
Oh I've done that before. Nothing is more frustrating to me than when I leave a bag of groceries in the car or worse leave the freezer door open (Yeah I did that one once for 8 hours).
 
oh reading back, ouch on the evening out. Been there done that though. Sometimes you binge, sometimes its easier to not feel the guilt but just eat slightly better for the week afterwards like a normal person.
 
Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry you have been having some struggling times, and when I thought you were invincible, it's good to see your like us, and have crap days too. I agree with Wishes, we all have those times when we go out and eat anything offered to us, it's just human, I don't think it's necessarily a "bad" thing, I believe in our culture we as people bond better and socialize better with food, and sometimes we recognize food with fun and satisfaction and who doesn't want a little indulgence in fun and satisfaction right?? don't beat yourself up over a few bad days, we all go through a funk, and maybe right now is your time. I'm going to pat you on the back however for getting outside in the nice sun and taking a walk, even if it wasn't a brisk walk, we all need sunshine and fresh air to get ourselves back in order.

Keep your chin up friend, and always remember you can start over fresh in the morning as if none of the past stuff ever existed. So..... you just go for it girlfriend, I know you can do it!! After all your menus are always my favorites over everyone else. It's always so well balanced and full of great nutritional value, something I wish I had more of lately. Keep smiling, I'm here for you if you need to vent some more!!
HUGS AND LOVE
Kim
 
Hi wishes and Ladybug. Thanks for reading! :)

I am feeling fine about Saturday, now that I am sure it's over. One single bad day now and again I can handle. I do get anxious about anything like that because there have been times when I didn't start the next day fresh (or, preferably, the next meal or hour fresh!), and because there have been too many of them. It doesn't seem to be an issue for some people, and I wish it wasn't an issue for me!! But as it is, I see that learning how to turn back quickly to my new normal eating habits, once again away from the old ones, is part of the journey for me. :)
 
I must say the black and white one, has managed to make it through her last few years with us, while causing relatively little in the way of vet anxiety.

Well it makes me a little anxious that she seems potentially ready to bite off the hands of strangers who try to poke her where it hurts ... Plus there was rather a saga related to an allergy which was once a mystery. We still don't know exactly what she is allergic to, but washing her feet religiously after each beach visit seems to have fixed it.

She is not quite in the league of the last dog, who licked a needle off my husband's mending while he was on the phone to me, and ate the rat poison behind the fridge at work, when he was taken there to convalesce, just before he got parvovirus and prior to the mange ... I guess cutting a leg open to the bone, without a whimper or clue as to what stage of the walk it occurred in, and a couple of arguments, also requiring stiches, is also part of what you have to expect, if you have a dog you take out of the back yard.

However, this current dog, the black and white one, has a personality all of her own, so I guess we had to expect that when she injured herself she would find a unique technique. Yesterday, my husband walked her in the bush, as usual, and she chased a rabbit, which is her pleasure, and she RAN INTO A GRASS TREE STUMP!! As you do when you're a dog ... and then afterwards at first she wouldn't walk at all, and my husband carried her back to our car, and then, she could only walk, with a giant limp.

So now we have to pay $300 for x-rays, for sure. And we are waiting in great trepidation for the follow-up, because a broken bone will cost about $3000. ... And yes, I do feel rather sorry for her too, because clearly she is very sore, and can't walk properly, and started getting much more interesting in laying close by us, and now she has to hang around at the vets, with a muzzle on. Also, much as I like to walk in the bush, I have become used to having someone exasperating to walk with.
 
View attachment 5967
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These are some grass trees in flower, a year after they have been burned.

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This is a grass tree which has not been burned in a long time.

They take forever to grow big enough to even have a trunk. But after they do, sometimes the green top bit is knocked off, leaving just the black bit poking up.
 
oh bugger about the dog, thats got to hurt the wallet :O
Im trying to convince a friend to get her cat put down because its seriously old, has cancer, overweight, and sick. Shes got no money spare and keeps spending money she doesnt have trying to 'fix' it when in fact though she loves it, shes prolonging its pain :O
If it was younger and didnt have cancer amoung all the other ailments it would be different, but yeah.

Anyway. Good luck with the dog, do we get pics of that too?

Love the photos - what are the long things sticking up and down i can see in the first one?
 
The long things are the flower spikes. They start out green then small white, hard petalled flowers come out all over them, and later they're brown spikes.

I have a million pictures of that dog. I don't think my kids get by any week without taking a blurry shot of her doing nothing much!! I will try to find a couple.
 
View attachment 5969

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Nina in the bush stamping to try and get a lizard.

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Nina in the garden guarding her bone. This is very important because although we bought the bone and gave it to her, she has now made it much more attractive, by adding saliva and dirt and so on, and of course we are all hanging out for the moment when she lets her guard down, so that we can reclaim it ...
 
So, yay! The dog doesn't actually have a broken leg and hopefully it will settle down with just anti-inflammatories.


Also, today I went for the first of three half hour visits to a trainer at this health club I joined. No yay for that. I am not too sure about it. I have already filled in a form and explained myself to a salesman, and explained myself and had a nice chat to a manager, and now I have met this trainer.

I guess it figures that he wants us to establish what's going on between ourselves and therefore asks all the same things over again (even my contact details, which could well have changed since he rang me last week), and yet has less time to spend with me, so pays less attention to what I say than they did. It also figures that he has his own routine assessment, and despite asking me why I am there, would seek to have me run through all the bits of his routine that he would normally use. Also, we are not going to be spending much time with each other anyway, so I guess he's not that important to me.

I am disappointed, none-the-less, to find out that meeting with him has made me feel less enthusiastic about exercising instead of more enthusiastic. Kinda like I'd like to do what he said, and then gain weight to prove he's not as good as he thinks he is. This is a pity. Also, though I am not planning to keep meeting with him, beyond two more times, I was hoping to keep doing what he says. Also I previously figured I might have periodically arranged reassessments.

I would say I started out life as a very, very compliant kid and compliant student. This is ok for school. After so long of being grown up though, and after some other types of professionals I've consulted, making mistakes that I've had at times to put much energy into correcting, I feel a bit confused now.

He was not unpleasant, don't get me wrong, just not engaging. That doesn't have to matter. I just so need to be convinced of the why of things. How can I possibly strap myself onto a cardio machine for 15 minutes (or was it 30?) a time before each weight session when the why I am convinced applies there, is that this is what he usually suggests. I told him several times that I just want to learn how to use the weights.

I have also previously agreed to have an assessment first. Logical enough. It still seems like a good idea too. I didn't think he'd show me anything today, but I thought the assessment would have been either a) a bit more high tech than what I could have done at home, or b) more precisely targeted to my issues. Well it wasn't. Still it wasn't all that expensive either - you get what you pay for right?

And then again, with using the machine for a warm up, I might not have minded doing it, if he'd said it was optional, and told me what else I could do. Or he could have said, that it was ok for me to do whatever speeds and stuff I wanted, as long as my heart rate stayed over a certain amount, not within a set range. Or he could have listened to me when I said I could do more than that for some of the time and still manage to do it. Or told me a reason for it that tied in with my own goals.

Oh my. I hate not to be listened to, maybe that was the button he pressed. Okay, so he kinda listened, he responded like he'd heard my words, but not like he believed them - it was like he dismissed my knowledge of myself.

Dammit. So the thing is, I know that I don't know what he knows. So I do not get to just dismiss him. Because I don't know enough to do that. And I feel so much like the whiney rebellious one, which is not a good sign. Maybe I just need to do it tougher and include things I don't like, to get what I do want. Only, no, no, no ... There is no evidence for that!! I have not plateaued, I do not need jump starting or kicked up the bum to lose weight. (Well maybe I do need kicked up the bum ... but just to get moving .. . There's no reason to think there is just this one way to move though.)

And now I think about it, I was a member at that exact same place years back, I don't know if it was the same company or not, and okay it was a treadmill, not an elliptical then, but still, that was what I started every session with then too, a damn bloody machine that bores me silly, and it was demotivating, even then, despite fitting in with my goals at the time, and his reasoning for it is at least in part that this will help me train faster and lose more weight faster. Only he did not first establish that those were goals of mine, and just at the moment, they are not ... [/ rant] *sigh*

Okay, I've paid my money, it will probably be wasteful trying to change to another trainer now he's done the assessment.

This is bugging me much more now than I had time to notice while I was there. I just don't want to have all this, acting like a stumbling block towards me increasing my committment to exercise, and just this moment, it is.

I'll go and put a question in the exercise forum I guess.
 
and I was a bit worried when he said something about maybe needing to use a machine first to build up enough strength to start lifting ... though he didn't pursue that one ...

and he said if he wasn't going to keep training me he would only teach me a restricted range of exercises, or I might hurt myself, which seemed fair enough, because I've seen guys on TV with spotters, but I did ask about that before and no one at that time, said yes, you can do it but only a restricted range ...

it just makes me lack confidence in what he tells me

the manager was really enthusiastic about avoiding machines ... and came up with ideas all his own (well not my own), about why not to do them ...
 
and I especially asked that manager to take as long as he liked but match me to someone whose expertise matched what I'd told him about myself, and I don't think this guy really wants to work with me, I think he wishes I had different goals to what I have (in so far as he knows what they are, that is ... )


I know, I know I said [/rant], but I am still worried.
 
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