This is the time
- Thread starter felici
- Start date
felici
Well-known member
and at least they are motivating!! That's a relief, reading them makes me feel like it would be a good thing to learn how to do this, like I thought in the beginning.
Mind you, 2 1/2 hour sessions seems like it would be pushing it a bit - not much time to learn so much. Maybe I will practice trying to use the written instructions before and after the sessions. I'm pretty sure they have a trainer permanently on duty in the workout part of the gym for all members to ask questions of too.
Mind you, 2 1/2 hour sessions seems like it would be pushing it a bit - not much time to learn so much. Maybe I will practice trying to use the written instructions before and after the sessions. I'm pretty sure they have a trainer permanently on duty in the workout part of the gym for all members to ask questions of too.
Last edited:
felici
Well-known member
I suppose I should have said some of what's obscure ....
Food today was fine, mood was low. Oh I did have an extra ice cream bar after lunch (84 calories). And that was sparked first by being a bit too hungry I think, yet I still felt like I was at a point where I could have tipped either way to keep eating or stop. Instead I came on here and finally hunted in this forum for threads with the word binge in the title. That was interesting. I have talked too much already today though, so not a discussion for now. Anyway, after reading for 5-10 minutes - especially reading the posts by other members, I found the binge possibility went away. Phew.
I just re-read wishes post. Yes. I agree with you, eating normally afterwards has worked best for me. I have tried eating less than normal afterwards. Sometimes I feel like I have to, because I'm just physically uncomfortable, but aside from that, normal seems to promote normal, and less than normal, I think makes relapses a bit more likely.
I found shopping hard this evening too. I should have done it earlier when I wasn't hungry. Though I was actually a bit hungry most of the day ...
Wednesday 20 February 2008
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20) and mushroom (2). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 460 calories.
Lunch:12:30 2 slices wholemeal bread (175) toasted, with 75 gm grilled lean chicken (94), 5 gm parmesan (20), 1/4 capsicum (8), 1 mushroom (2), 2 olives (15). Small banana (70) Diet passionfruit yoghurt (84), Boost icecream bar (82)
Lunch- 550 calories
Snack 5:45 : 2 apricots. (40)
Dinner: 150 gm pan fried mullet (180), with flour, herbs, chilli, lime juice, EVO oil (75). 2 slices wholmeal bread (175). Salad veges - 1/4 capsicum (8), carrot (50), cabbage (5), cucumber (8), mushroom ( 2) sugarsnap and snow peas (10). Boost bar (82). Dinner - 595
I don't really like mullet as much as the fish I normally have but my husband suggested it because it has a lot more omega something oils in it, and that is important for him - and bonus, it was cheaper. I haven't often seen it before.
Dinner - 526 calories
Total – 1645
No proper exercise - just about 15 minutes with the trainer, doing some step ups, which I could do, and some crunches - which I can't do, and pushups - which I can barely do.
Food today was fine, mood was low. Oh I did have an extra ice cream bar after lunch (84 calories). And that was sparked first by being a bit too hungry I think, yet I still felt like I was at a point where I could have tipped either way to keep eating or stop. Instead I came on here and finally hunted in this forum for threads with the word binge in the title. That was interesting. I have talked too much already today though, so not a discussion for now. Anyway, after reading for 5-10 minutes - especially reading the posts by other members, I found the binge possibility went away. Phew.
I just re-read wishes post. Yes. I agree with you, eating normally afterwards has worked best for me. I have tried eating less than normal afterwards. Sometimes I feel like I have to, because I'm just physically uncomfortable, but aside from that, normal seems to promote normal, and less than normal, I think makes relapses a bit more likely.
I found shopping hard this evening too. I should have done it earlier when I wasn't hungry. Though I was actually a bit hungry most of the day ...
Wednesday 20 February 2008
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20) and mushroom (2). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 460 calories.
Lunch:12:30 2 slices wholemeal bread (175) toasted, with 75 gm grilled lean chicken (94), 5 gm parmesan (20), 1/4 capsicum (8), 1 mushroom (2), 2 olives (15). Small banana (70) Diet passionfruit yoghurt (84), Boost icecream bar (82)
Lunch- 550 calories
Snack 5:45 : 2 apricots. (40)
Dinner: 150 gm pan fried mullet (180), with flour, herbs, chilli, lime juice, EVO oil (75). 2 slices wholmeal bread (175). Salad veges - 1/4 capsicum (8), carrot (50), cabbage (5), cucumber (8), mushroom ( 2) sugarsnap and snow peas (10). Boost bar (82). Dinner - 595
I don't really like mullet as much as the fish I normally have but my husband suggested it because it has a lot more omega something oils in it, and that is important for him - and bonus, it was cheaper. I haven't often seen it before.
Dinner - 526 calories
Total – 1645
No proper exercise - just about 15 minutes with the trainer, doing some step ups, which I could do, and some crunches - which I can't do, and pushups - which I can barely do.
Miss Ladybug
New member
WOW Feli, your having another one of those days?? **Kim throws out some much needed love and will power to her friend Feli**** I sure hope things start calming down a bit for you, it's really rare to see you in this state, and I know it's got to be hard. I just want to know, what kind of ice cream do you eat that is less than 100 calories, WOW everything I see is always over 100, so I stay really FAR away from it if all possible. LOL LOL I think I might have ice cream ummmmm maybe 4 times a year if that, I just don't crave it like I used to as a young adult. I crave worse stuff like pasta and bread and white cream sauce, you know that rich food. ( I should have been born Italian) I try to keep it out of the house just for that reason. HAHAHA
Well I loved your pictures, so pretty! Your dog is so cute!! I hope your day gets better and tomorrow turns out great!
Hugs to ya!
Kim
Well I loved your pictures, so pretty! Your dog is so cute!! I hope your day gets better and tomorrow turns out great!
Hugs to ya!
Kim
wishes
Coffee Addict
Oh what a cute dog pics!
Just been reading back and catching up. Re the gym thing. The key thing i found with weights was the positioning. forget teh trainer being an asshole, just make sure when you do weights that you are doing it correctly with the right positioning. This is why you were probably started on lighter weights.
Once you get up to heavier stuff that actually pushes you, then it can be very painful and nasty if you dont have the correct form, and can do you more damage than not!
Just been reading back and catching up. Re the gym thing. The key thing i found with weights was the positioning. forget teh trainer being an asshole, just make sure when you do weights that you are doing it correctly with the right positioning. This is why you were probably started on lighter weights.
Once you get up to heavier stuff that actually pushes you, then it can be very painful and nasty if you dont have the correct form, and can do you more damage than not!
felici
Well-known member
Oh thanks Kim!! I probably just need more paid work so that I'm forced to post faster here and not have the time to think about eating and sounding tragic!!
Mmm. Actually that's part of it, and the other part is that I've had a friendship issue to deal with this past little while, and it's affected me emotionally. Funny, people always say friends are the most important thing don't they, or "family and friends". And that's true, but my family and friends could be sick or hurt and that would not make me emotionally vulnerable and feel like eating and not feel like exercising. It's the relationship being wrong that does it. Though something overwhelming like my husband leaving me would probably make me feel so ill I wouldn't want to eat at all - not that I have any worries about him
. At any rate, when losing weight used to be easier, I always wondered about a vulnerability like this, and the upside to it is that I'm getting a chance to explore it - yet in a way that's left me able to continue and (despite some scary moments back in January), not in fact suffer permanent derailment! So if anything I am more confident than before. I don't know if that makes sense at all!!
Last year, when I was too busy, and there were upheavals, but I felt like all my relationships were good, it was my exercise that suffered (because of the time), but the food thing felt like a comforting habit to cling to. But more recently the disruptions have been of a different kind and impacted differently.
I don't remember seeing truly low cal icecreams before, but my kids asked me to get these one day and they are yummy. On the packet it says BOOST bliss bar low fat icecream with 40% real fruit gelati. Energy per bar 330 kj (78.5 cal). Each bar is 65 gm each, which is pretty small I guess, and then only half the bar is ice cream and that icecream is low fat ... Yet I find it's quite satisfying. They small but don't look too teeny - I suppose they're a bit flatter than some other bars. I think it's to do with that thing mal says about having high calorie food packaged into an appropriate serving size.
I'm kinda surprised by the icecream thing too. I probably went more than 12 months and had no more than spoonful once or twice, and never even cared! I'm starting to think that with these trigger foods it's more than just the sugar, or fast digested starch (though that does impact big time), it's also the timing related to emotional issues and mindset and cracks in the mindset ... And maybe weather!! Cos I don't think it's a coincidence that all those icecream issues arrived in summertime!!
Oh and my latest theory is that binge impulses might be affected by changes in exercise routine!
and the fact that they somewhat overlapped holiday issues had an affect too.
Yes. Why not make my theory as complicated as possible ...
Thanks wishes. Yeah, he will start me on light weights and that is totally fine, I know I lack strength, and absolutely don't want to risk injury. What bothered me on that angle, was him mentioning the possibility of starting me on a weight machine. Actually I don't think he will do that, but just the idea that he would consider it, made me feel that we were at cross purposes. Umm. and I guess it's a control thing - like who's the boss of my body! LOL!! I posted in the exercise forum, and got a helpful answer from Steve, so I'm kinda over being grumpy again for now!
I will remember what you said, and stay focused on the positioning. Thanks.
felici
Well-known member
I have my dog home again. Getting her into the car was barely manageable with a vet assistant and getting her out of the car took me 30 minutes and a mattress...
and she is worse than when she went in
and the vet was saying maybe she needs a referral to a specialist ($$$$$$$), and maybe there is a break, but it just can't be seen, and I expect once my husband sees her she will be off there.
She is really miserable and won't eat or drink. I pushed a painkiller down her throat. Shows she is sick that she didn't bite my arm off. But I can't give her the anti-inflammatories unless she will eat. Maybe she needs the painkiller to work first, and then she will eat a bit.
This is so a crappy day. My mum rang up this morning and she had just had to have her little dog put down. My stepdad died last year, and Mum won't get another dog again because of her age and because she is on a waiting list for a place in an aged care place that doesn't allow any dogs. So she was very calm talking to me but I know she is thoroughly cut. I just feel totally terrible. I wish I could go away until this would be another week.
and she is worse than when she went in
and the vet was saying maybe she needs a referral to a specialist ($$$$$$$), and maybe there is a break, but it just can't be seen, and I expect once my husband sees her she will be off there.
She is really miserable and won't eat or drink. I pushed a painkiller down her throat. Shows she is sick that she didn't bite my arm off. But I can't give her the anti-inflammatories unless she will eat. Maybe she needs the painkiller to work first, and then she will eat a bit.
This is so a crappy day. My mum rang up this morning and she had just had to have her little dog put down. My stepdad died last year, and Mum won't get another dog again because of her age and because she is on a waiting list for a place in an aged care place that doesn't allow any dogs. So she was very calm talking to me but I know she is thoroughly cut. I just feel totally terrible. I wish I could go away until this would be another week.
wishes
Coffee Addict
well thats how you do weights, on a weight machine! after you have some muscle you move onto some free weights, but you still use machines. Machines are better if you are working alone, my trainer left me on free weights with nobody spotting me, it ended awkwardly and i had to be saved from a bad bench press. So i moved myself back to machines.
felici
Well-known member
Thanks wishes and bm.
I guess there are plenty of good ways to exercise. I just paid for 3 sessions with this guy as part of my sign up package at the club. My reasons for joining were to use their pool and learn how to use free weights and I was told with some enthusiasm that this would work well. Probably the reasons behind my original intentions are lost in the mists now! I'm just going to go along and try to make the most of my time with this guy.
My dog is improving! I don't know whether we are out of the woods with her yet, but she's eating and drinking and taking her pills and at least there is no new crisis to deal with, which is what I was fearing yesterday. My mum also seems fine.
I ate well yesterday - during the day. From all this emotional stuff, there was just one little change from normal to make me feel uncertain how I was going. (I didn't want lunch - just ate a yoghurt, but ate a proper lunch later). Then, yep, a massive eating blow out late in the evening. Perhaps, knowing how I felt, I would have been better to come online rather than watching TV.
For sure I need to sort out my sleep, to give myself a better foundation for everything else I'm trying to do. I lay down just after my last post. It was the middle of the afternoon and I fell straight asleep. After 10-15 minutes or so I woke up realizing that I had set an alarm but not switched it on, I had such a fright I thought it might keep me awake, but no, back into a deep sleep for an hour.
I had tap again. That was great. Yes, I am still bad at it! But I was much better than before, yet again.
One thing I love about it, is that while I am there I do not think about exercising at all. I just try to move properly. Though I hoped it would help my ankles and knees I was a little concerned in advance that tap would actually make them play up. So far so good with that one. Then I wake up the next day, like now, and I find I am stiff, so I guess I have been exercising after all!! Another bonus is that I do get a little puffed during the class too - hopefully this aspect will increase a little as I get better, and am therefore able to fit in more movement and move more quickly.
I was reading in mal's diary today about the ridiculous idea of burning calories in a sauna ... Yep just sit still or lay down, and they disappear!! I went looking for something about how much water weight people might lose doing that (jockeys and so on), and was amazed at how much crap was out there seriously proposing this as a technique for people to lose fat!
Well I don't know how much weight you could lose learning to tap - maybe none! However, as a technique for making me exercise without noticing that I am, it has been very successful!! (In fact it is working as a technique for making me exercise without noticing that I am, despite me never having intended to find such a thing, or even expected to get much exercise out of the class at all! )
I guess there are plenty of good ways to exercise. I just paid for 3 sessions with this guy as part of my sign up package at the club. My reasons for joining were to use their pool and learn how to use free weights and I was told with some enthusiasm that this would work well. Probably the reasons behind my original intentions are lost in the mists now! I'm just going to go along and try to make the most of my time with this guy.
My dog is improving! I don't know whether we are out of the woods with her yet, but she's eating and drinking and taking her pills and at least there is no new crisis to deal with, which is what I was fearing yesterday. My mum also seems fine.
I ate well yesterday - during the day. From all this emotional stuff, there was just one little change from normal to make me feel uncertain how I was going. (I didn't want lunch - just ate a yoghurt, but ate a proper lunch later). Then, yep, a massive eating blow out late in the evening. Perhaps, knowing how I felt, I would have been better to come online rather than watching TV.
For sure I need to sort out my sleep, to give myself a better foundation for everything else I'm trying to do. I lay down just after my last post. It was the middle of the afternoon and I fell straight asleep. After 10-15 minutes or so I woke up realizing that I had set an alarm but not switched it on, I had such a fright I thought it might keep me awake, but no, back into a deep sleep for an hour.
I had tap again. That was great. Yes, I am still bad at it! But I was much better than before, yet again.
One thing I love about it, is that while I am there I do not think about exercising at all. I just try to move properly. Though I hoped it would help my ankles and knees I was a little concerned in advance that tap would actually make them play up. So far so good with that one. Then I wake up the next day, like now, and I find I am stiff, so I guess I have been exercising after all!! Another bonus is that I do get a little puffed during the class too - hopefully this aspect will increase a little as I get better, and am therefore able to fit in more movement and move more quickly.
I was reading in mal's diary today about the ridiculous idea of burning calories in a sauna ... Yep just sit still or lay down, and they disappear!! I went looking for something about how much water weight people might lose doing that (jockeys and so on), and was amazed at how much crap was out there seriously proposing this as a technique for people to lose fat!
Well I don't know how much weight you could lose learning to tap - maybe none! However, as a technique for making me exercise without noticing that I am, it has been very successful!! (In fact it is working as a technique for making me exercise without noticing that I am, despite me never having intended to find such a thing, or even expected to get much exercise out of the class at all! )
Cannon 2006
New member
Hey, sorry about your dog, but I'm glad to see he's doing better. You know its amazing how you and I are half a world apart and live extremely different lives and yet your issues and mine in terms of weight loss are very very similiar.
felici
Well-known member
Thanks Cannon and wishes. Despite the selfish nature of my posts in here, I really appreciate hearing from you, especially now.
Well as I am going to kinda try to do the sleeping thing, I won't post all the stuff that's going through my mind about eating right now.
Phew! I know I can hear the sigh of relief from all the way way way away where I am. Yet I will be back, and no doubt pounding this issue to death, because really it is the issue. It is the issue for me and it is not just the issue for me, but for many, and yet for all that, it's so easy to be in the middle of it and feel I have no idea what to do next. That must sound like the most addle-pated rubbish. I still do have a part of my mind that can see that. Ah well, I will be my own case study perhaps.
Chocolate. Well I wanted it last night. If there had been one 60 calorie Freddo left in the fridge, would that have stopped me? No way. The last Freddo wrapper had just been dropped near me so I found icecream with chocolate on the outside of it instead. If I had had one Freddo, I would still have gone on to the choc coated icecream next. I know that, because if one thing had been enough to stop me, one icecream would have stopped me. It was the bloody icecream again that gave me the calories. I suppose I should say it was bloody me bloody well eating the icecream that did it and put the resentment where it should be.
Anyway I woke up this morning feeling depressed, of course, after that. Then I ate my normal breakfast, did not add on a whole heap extra toast, though the thought crossed my mind ... But breakfast has stayed pure for me. It's not exactly a life raft, more like the last piece of Coolite board.
And then I thought, new day, I feel fine, I will eat right. Actually, I have plenty of time, I could go to the health club for 2 hours and maybe that would cancel the icecream. Well at least the first batch of ice cream. And I toyed with that idea for a bit, though I don't believe in mad exercise to try and catch up on binging. Though that's not why I didn't do it, I just ran out of time, because I remembered I had a doctor's appointment.
And maybe I never would have tried. Actually I probably never would have done it, but I could maybe have done a decent amount of exercise and taken care of myself, just by getting there.
Anyway, I did house stuff, and talked to mum again, and must have been on-line, and then I had the idea that I was starving hungry by 11:30, which cannot possibly be true. I mean even then, I knew it couldn't be true.
Sometimes I get these binge things come on and I wonder if it's because I had less calories than I needed the day before, and if it's because I'm hungry. Cos sometimes it is a bit to do with that. Today it was definitely not that, but it felt the same. I remembered Tammy saying once that her stomach even growls when she is dealing with emotional eating.
Anyway, I pretty much instantly gave in and ate 2 bowls of Sultana Bran. And then I went to the doctors'. He had all good news for me about all my tests. My random blood sugar is down yet again. My average of the last two months blood sugar test is down yet again too. He thought he had nothing to tell me and I'm buggered if I could get him to pay any attention to what I thought he might talk about which is whether the two months average thingo is in a different category to what it was last time when the other doctor was still worried about it. (Anyway, cross him off my list of professionals I will talk with too. Though I suppose he can stitch cuts.) He did give me a print out, so then when I'd left I could see that in fact I am still in the same category as last time, but now nearly to the safe one, instead of nearly up to a worrisome one ...
And I drove home past the shopping centre with all the fancy food in it, and talked total bullshit to myself about going there or not going there and going to the stationery shop first for a scratchie before I bought any food, as a delaying tactic that might send me away again, and then took the scratchie with me to the coffee shop, and ordered first and then scratched it. And ate apple pie in the enormous size slices they serve in those places and cappucino.
And so I left feeling crappy and really completely stuffed full of food, and I dunno, did shopping, restocked all the things I had decimated last night, bought food for dinner, came home and went on line and ended up finding out about some guys theory that I can find out more about on a months trial and get my $169 back if I don't lose weight ... I wasn't trying to get inspired, just following an chat trail, but it kinda changed my interest.
I felt like my day must have been ruined, because every other time I've binged it's lasted till I've gone to bed. But today it turned out that was it.
I still felt lousy. I felt lousy that I had eaten badly. I felt lousy because my body was unhappy about all the food. I felt lousy because I took my girl to a sale at Supre and they were playing dance music (I think it's called that), which reminded me of this relationship issue thing that has left me so ... Anyway
the good thing was that by the time I was getting dinner ready, I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten anything else since lunch time. My binge had stopped!!
And something else good. I ate veges while I was watching tv, waiting for the dinner to cook - snow peas and carrot, made sure that I ate a large serving of the food (Thai green chicken with lots of bambooshoots, zucchini and eggplant), and then thought that actually I wasn't really hungry any more. Yet I did still want one of those little icecreams (you know weffer thin only78 calories). And I thought, it's ok, that's on plan, but then I thought, yeah, it's ok, but maybe not ok tonight. Maybe not now when I'm only just hanging on here. But I did get one out anyway, and then my son rang up to be collected from his movie! And so I put it back in the freezer and started to walk away, and just knew then for sure, it was the wrong thing to eat it, and didn't!! Yay! umm
I did drink a humungous amount of Pepsimax tonight. I don't exactly care, in that, this isn't about permanent habits, it's about just getting through, to another clear space where I might have a whole good day.
Pity about all the caffeine though cos it's 12:03 and I am wide awake.
Maybe I can meditate?
Looks like I have written most of it anyway. Sorry.
And I just noticed that I was in that coffee shop with nothing to read. I actually remember that when she brought the order I thought "Oh nothing to read. I never do that. Well I suppose I can do that thing of just really concentrating on eating it and enjoying it that I have read about," - but don't normally do for sugary binge food that I know is massively wrong. No tv, no reading. I don't remember actually focusing and enjoying it - but I wasn't reading.
Well as I am going to kinda try to do the sleeping thing, I won't post all the stuff that's going through my mind about eating right now.
Phew! I know I can hear the sigh of relief from all the way way way away where I am. Yet I will be back, and no doubt pounding this issue to death, because really it is the issue. It is the issue for me and it is not just the issue for me, but for many, and yet for all that, it's so easy to be in the middle of it and feel I have no idea what to do next. That must sound like the most addle-pated rubbish. I still do have a part of my mind that can see that. Ah well, I will be my own case study perhaps.
Chocolate. Well I wanted it last night. If there had been one 60 calorie Freddo left in the fridge, would that have stopped me? No way. The last Freddo wrapper had just been dropped near me so I found icecream with chocolate on the outside of it instead. If I had had one Freddo, I would still have gone on to the choc coated icecream next. I know that, because if one thing had been enough to stop me, one icecream would have stopped me. It was the bloody icecream again that gave me the calories. I suppose I should say it was bloody me bloody well eating the icecream that did it and put the resentment where it should be.
Anyway I woke up this morning feeling depressed, of course, after that. Then I ate my normal breakfast, did not add on a whole heap extra toast, though the thought crossed my mind ... But breakfast has stayed pure for me. It's not exactly a life raft, more like the last piece of Coolite board.
And then I thought, new day, I feel fine, I will eat right. Actually, I have plenty of time, I could go to the health club for 2 hours and maybe that would cancel the icecream. Well at least the first batch of ice cream. And I toyed with that idea for a bit, though I don't believe in mad exercise to try and catch up on binging. Though that's not why I didn't do it, I just ran out of time, because I remembered I had a doctor's appointment.
And maybe I never would have tried. Actually I probably never would have done it, but I could maybe have done a decent amount of exercise and taken care of myself, just by getting there.
Anyway, I did house stuff, and talked to mum again, and must have been on-line, and then I had the idea that I was starving hungry by 11:30, which cannot possibly be true. I mean even then, I knew it couldn't be true.
Sometimes I get these binge things come on and I wonder if it's because I had less calories than I needed the day before, and if it's because I'm hungry. Cos sometimes it is a bit to do with that. Today it was definitely not that, but it felt the same. I remembered Tammy saying once that her stomach even growls when she is dealing with emotional eating.
Anyway, I pretty much instantly gave in and ate 2 bowls of Sultana Bran. And then I went to the doctors'. He had all good news for me about all my tests. My random blood sugar is down yet again. My average of the last two months blood sugar test is down yet again too. He thought he had nothing to tell me and I'm buggered if I could get him to pay any attention to what I thought he might talk about which is whether the two months average thingo is in a different category to what it was last time when the other doctor was still worried about it. (Anyway, cross him off my list of professionals I will talk with too. Though I suppose he can stitch cuts.) He did give me a print out, so then when I'd left I could see that in fact I am still in the same category as last time, but now nearly to the safe one, instead of nearly up to a worrisome one ...
And I drove home past the shopping centre with all the fancy food in it, and talked total bullshit to myself about going there or not going there and going to the stationery shop first for a scratchie before I bought any food, as a delaying tactic that might send me away again, and then took the scratchie with me to the coffee shop, and ordered first and then scratched it. And ate apple pie in the enormous size slices they serve in those places and cappucino.
And so I left feeling crappy and really completely stuffed full of food, and I dunno, did shopping, restocked all the things I had decimated last night, bought food for dinner, came home and went on line and ended up finding out about some guys theory that I can find out more about on a months trial and get my $169 back if I don't lose weight ... I wasn't trying to get inspired, just following an chat trail, but it kinda changed my interest.
I felt like my day must have been ruined, because every other time I've binged it's lasted till I've gone to bed. But today it turned out that was it.
I still felt lousy. I felt lousy that I had eaten badly. I felt lousy because my body was unhappy about all the food. I felt lousy because I took my girl to a sale at Supre and they were playing dance music (I think it's called that), which reminded me of this relationship issue thing that has left me so ... Anyway
the good thing was that by the time I was getting dinner ready, I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten anything else since lunch time. My binge had stopped!!
And something else good. I ate veges while I was watching tv, waiting for the dinner to cook - snow peas and carrot, made sure that I ate a large serving of the food (Thai green chicken with lots of bambooshoots, zucchini and eggplant), and then thought that actually I wasn't really hungry any more. Yet I did still want one of those little icecreams (you know weffer thin only78 calories). And I thought, it's ok, that's on plan, but then I thought, yeah, it's ok, but maybe not ok tonight. Maybe not now when I'm only just hanging on here. But I did get one out anyway, and then my son rang up to be collected from his movie! And so I put it back in the freezer and started to walk away, and just knew then for sure, it was the wrong thing to eat it, and didn't!! Yay! umm
I did drink a humungous amount of Pepsimax tonight. I don't exactly care, in that, this isn't about permanent habits, it's about just getting through, to another clear space where I might have a whole good day.
Pity about all the caffeine though cos it's 12:03 and I am wide awake.
Maybe I can meditate?
Looks like I have written most of it anyway. Sorry.
And I just noticed that I was in that coffee shop with nothing to read. I actually remember that when she brought the order I thought "Oh nothing to read. I never do that. Well I suppose I can do that thing of just really concentrating on eating it and enjoying it that I have read about," - but don't normally do for sugary binge food that I know is massively wrong. No tv, no reading. I don't remember actually focusing and enjoying it - but I wasn't reading.
felici
Well-known member
Saturday 23 February 2008
Breakfast 9:00: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20) and mushroom (2). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 176 calories.
Well despite not messing with breakfast, I do sometimes delay part or all of it. Today I managed to do that without damage, and with a bonus.
I ran out of preserved peaches, and I really do prefer to have that with my cereal than any other option, so I thought I would leave that part of breakfast till a little later in the morning, after I'd bought some more. Yet, the shopping went longer than I intended.
It was kinda fun. I went to the cheaper of the good greengrocers. I was feeling a little hungry and enjoyed my shopping. Also, they still had cheap strawberries, which put me in mind of a recipe I had planned to try ages ago, but kept putting off because at the time I could only find extremely expensive strawberries.
When I got back I had a commitment at home that couldn't be put off. But then I started preparing this recipe - beat the eggs and added the oats and milk, sliced strawberries and left them to sit in with the preserved peaches, went and got the girl, returned and whizzed the pancake mix with the blender on a stick thingie, and finally finished making this thing I've had in mind for a long time. I was really pleased with it. The recipe as I was told it was eggwhites, milk and oats, cooked into pancakes and eaten with berries, fruit, whatever.
So I wasn't too sure how much to put in of anything or what kind of oats to use, but I gave it a go. I expect it could be done a little more simply than how I did it today, and the amounts could be tweaked, but it worked like this. I would just use whole eggs, but at first I thought my husband might have some.
Lunch 2:15 2 Oat pancakes. 50 gm (1/2 C) rolled oats (191), 4 eggwhites (60), 125 ml reduced fat milk (47). A smear of EVO oil. 75 gm strawberries (15), 75 gm peaches (35), 35 gm lean shortcut bacon (49). A 60 gm fig, sliced. Coffee with a little milk.
Lunch- 434 calories
I folded the pancakes over the fruit mix and shredded bacon and topped it all with the fig. It was a great change and very satisfying.
Dinner: 7:45 Beef casserole - my husband cooked so it's hard to tell the amounts - beef shin, potato, carrot, turnip, parsnip, broccoli. (guess 350? 400?) Extra fresh veges, snow peas, 2 carrots, a yellow capsicum. (100) Diet apricot yoghurt (84), 2 apricots (40). Dinner - 600 ?
Lots of diet drinks again, orange, and yummy ginger beer.
Total – around 1200 maybe.
I was hungry waiting for the late lunch after the breakfast being light, and definitely vulnerable after the casserole, which didn't take too long to eat. I'm sure it helps if I add the extra salad veges to a meal like that. Especially as I was watching a tv show with my husband at the time. Overall the day felt fine. Just little impulses towards the awkward, nothing too hard.
I weighed myself this morning and I'm up kg since last Saturday. 69.3 kg (152.5 lb). Despite the bingeing I doubt I had calories over maintenance enough to make a whole kg - I had big jump on the home scales between yesterday morning and this morning, so I think this might drop again. Still, last week's weigh was unreasonably low, and I guess a punishment number felt in order anyway!
Breakfast 9:00: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20) and mushroom (2). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 176 calories.
Well despite not messing with breakfast, I do sometimes delay part or all of it. Today I managed to do that without damage, and with a bonus.
I ran out of preserved peaches, and I really do prefer to have that with my cereal than any other option, so I thought I would leave that part of breakfast till a little later in the morning, after I'd bought some more. Yet, the shopping went longer than I intended.
It was kinda fun. I went to the cheaper of the good greengrocers. I was feeling a little hungry and enjoyed my shopping. Also, they still had cheap strawberries, which put me in mind of a recipe I had planned to try ages ago, but kept putting off because at the time I could only find extremely expensive strawberries.
When I got back I had a commitment at home that couldn't be put off. But then I started preparing this recipe - beat the eggs and added the oats and milk, sliced strawberries and left them to sit in with the preserved peaches, went and got the girl, returned and whizzed the pancake mix with the blender on a stick thingie, and finally finished making this thing I've had in mind for a long time. I was really pleased with it. The recipe as I was told it was eggwhites, milk and oats, cooked into pancakes and eaten with berries, fruit, whatever.
So I wasn't too sure how much to put in of anything or what kind of oats to use, but I gave it a go. I expect it could be done a little more simply than how I did it today, and the amounts could be tweaked, but it worked like this. I would just use whole eggs, but at first I thought my husband might have some.
Lunch 2:15 2 Oat pancakes. 50 gm (1/2 C) rolled oats (191), 4 eggwhites (60), 125 ml reduced fat milk (47). A smear of EVO oil. 75 gm strawberries (15), 75 gm peaches (35), 35 gm lean shortcut bacon (49). A 60 gm fig, sliced. Coffee with a little milk.
Lunch- 434 calories
I folded the pancakes over the fruit mix and shredded bacon and topped it all with the fig. It was a great change and very satisfying.
Dinner: 7:45 Beef casserole - my husband cooked so it's hard to tell the amounts - beef shin, potato, carrot, turnip, parsnip, broccoli. (guess 350? 400?) Extra fresh veges, snow peas, 2 carrots, a yellow capsicum. (100) Diet apricot yoghurt (84), 2 apricots (40). Dinner - 600 ?
Lots of diet drinks again, orange, and yummy ginger beer.
Total – around 1200 maybe.
I was hungry waiting for the late lunch after the breakfast being light, and definitely vulnerable after the casserole, which didn't take too long to eat. I'm sure it helps if I add the extra salad veges to a meal like that. Especially as I was watching a tv show with my husband at the time. Overall the day felt fine. Just little impulses towards the awkward, nothing too hard.
I weighed myself this morning and I'm up kg since last Saturday. 69.3 kg (152.5 lb). Despite the bingeing I doubt I had calories over maintenance enough to make a whole kg - I had big jump on the home scales between yesterday morning and this morning, so I think this might drop again. Still, last week's weigh was unreasonably low, and I guess a punishment number felt in order anyway!
felici
Well-known member
Sunday 23 February 2008.
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 458 calories.
Lunch:2:00 2 small wholemeal breadrolls (~200) with 2 shavings of ham(~10) and tomato, cucumber, lettuce and capsicum. Also a carrot, some cumber snow peas and capsicum. A small fig (18), 5 small strawberries (20) and 2 dates (110). Coffee with milk.
Lunch ~ 440 calories
Dinner: 170 gm chicken (265), cooked in lite coconut milk (96) with onions (25), bacon (9), EVO oil (60), 40 gm mushrooms (6), 1/2 capsicum, (15), tabasco and mixed herbs. 1/2 C basmati rice (105). 5 steamed asparagus (15). ~2 gm parmesan (7). Chopped salad lettuce, 1/2 carrot (20), snowpeas (5), cucumber (10). 1 carrot (40) Dinner - 678
I spent the morning on the house, as I was hoping my mum would be there at lunch time which she was, so it was a slow late lunch. At dinner time I wanted to make something with a creamy sauce, a awkward wish and one I didn't quite manage. The sauce wasn't that creamy, and I messed up the math on the calories in advance, so with the amount I ate it was a bit high. Probably it would be all right to eat again sometimes (cos it tasted great!), especially if I used less oil, less coconut milk, and/or added chicken stock, or just ate a smaller portion. I suppose it depends what else I'd eaten during the day. This day ended up at 1576, so it wasn't really a problem.
I don't remember hankering after problem food at all. I was just busy, and my meals were filling.
Monday 24 February 2008
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato (30) . 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 468 calories.
Snack 12:30: Banana (75), v. small (Italian) pear (30).
Lunch: 3:30 6 wholemeal Vive crackers (150) with 100 gm cottage cheese (90), and a tomato (30) and olives (15). 1 carrot (40). Snow peas (7).
Lunch- 332 calories
Dinner: 7:15 Wholemeal bread roll (160), with a 105 gm can salmon (160) and a 100 gm tin of tuna with sundried tomatoes and basil (79). The tuna was delicious like that and a heap less calories than the salmon. I don't know why the tuna is "lite", and much less calories than if it wasn't! But the salmon is just tinned in water? Salad veges - 1/4 capsicum , 1/2 carrot , 1/2 tomato , 2 small black olives, a mushroom, celery, broccoli, snow peas, cucumber. I reckon about (70) calories for the salad. About 1 tspn light french onion dip. I didn't actually finish the dip and salad tonight as I was feeling full.
9:00 Diet apricot yoghurt (84)
10:00 grapes (100)
Total – 1551
Exercise: Yes, I actually did some. Given the rest of the day, probably I would normally have swum for an hour. However, I was curious about whether that trainer was right about what heart rate I could (not) maintain a on the elliptical, so I went there. I plan to do as he says before my session with him (after I have checked to find out what that was, because I can't actually remember what heartrate he specified, or what length of time ...). But today I reckoned I was free to do whatever pleased me.
So I stood on this machine, and then remembered that it might be good to know my heartrate before I started. It was 80 standing there. I have measured it repeatedly, sometimes using my husband's blood pressure monitor, when I really am quiet at home lately and my actual resting rate is 60. Anyway, I started using this machine - which I couldn't program properly, what else is new, and at first I thought it was going to get away from me. It was definitely moving faster than me. How could this be? It is powered by me, yet I had that impression just the same. Tried again, with a bit more control, and the heart rate monitor started working, great, but I have only just started. I am slow as. I feel like I am working massively hard, and my heart rate is about 130. Dammit the trainer must have been right after all. I don't feel like I can crank myself up much. At any rate, I don't try straight away, I just plod along for 5 minutes warm up. Then I start trying to go faster. It feels terrible, I want to stay on here for 30 minutes but I feel like I will be lucky to do another 5. Anyway, I remember playing on an elliptical previously and trying out the 10 seconds fast, 10 seconds slow thing, so I tried that. (Well it's supposed to be 8 fast 12 slow, but I just count to 10). My heart rate went up into the 150s, but I felt ok. A bit faster, a bit slower, and then I finally found the music channel and sort of forgot about it and just jogged along. Heart rate 160s. (OK, Oprah and Ellen - not useful - random even if crappy music - much more useful!!) Better. High 160's great, comfy. Well sweaty and panting but comfy.
And then this girl with a clipboard came along and asked me if I could name anyone who might want a free session! What the!!! I panted an answer of 4 words or so, barely, lost my rhythm and my heart rate plummeted into the 150s. Not for long though - it was back up to the high 160's low 170's fairly soon, and I kinda remember it going higher briefly, before sitting back at around 173 till I reckoned my 1/2 hour was up. I stopped then, hunted for my pulse a while - because I can barely manage to count at that stage - and it is 160. I do 2 minutes slowly, 3 minutes with my hands off the machine because I can't go slowly enough, while I'm holding the handles, and stop. My heart rate is now 132. I go and sit in the changeroom. 7 minutes later it is 120.
Well maybe it was higher last year, but certainly I can do more than that guy thinks I can. Problem was, he didn't say not to go higher based on it would hurt me, just that I wouldn't be able to stay on the machine if I did. Maybe he was just going on my age or my age and the pulse he took not long after I'd arrived, and that's clearly not a good indicator.
And then I went to the pool and swam half an hour. I did what I haven't done before and checked my heart rate. Certainly, as he predicted, it was lower than on the elliptical. Still, it was 130 after ordinary laps and 145 after freestyle laps, which is as fast as he said he wanted it to be anyway, I think ...
I went home feeling good. Clearly I'd been exercising harder than I have been and that was a good feeling.
However, I did see myself in the mirror while I was on the machine. That was a mistake. Today's shorts reveal about half my thighs. These are thighs that look better stationery.
Also, the salesgirl left me a discount card. It was for a half price solarium session!!!
I know I'm fat, but I did think my tan was okay!!!
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a small tomato (20). 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 458 calories.
Lunch:2:00 2 small wholemeal breadrolls (~200) with 2 shavings of ham(~10) and tomato, cucumber, lettuce and capsicum. Also a carrot, some cumber snow peas and capsicum. A small fig (18), 5 small strawberries (20) and 2 dates (110). Coffee with milk.
Lunch ~ 440 calories
Dinner: 170 gm chicken (265), cooked in lite coconut milk (96) with onions (25), bacon (9), EVO oil (60), 40 gm mushrooms (6), 1/2 capsicum, (15), tabasco and mixed herbs. 1/2 C basmati rice (105). 5 steamed asparagus (15). ~2 gm parmesan (7). Chopped salad lettuce, 1/2 carrot (20), snowpeas (5), cucumber (10). 1 carrot (40) Dinner - 678
I spent the morning on the house, as I was hoping my mum would be there at lunch time which she was, so it was a slow late lunch. At dinner time I wanted to make something with a creamy sauce, a awkward wish and one I didn't quite manage. The sauce wasn't that creamy, and I messed up the math on the calories in advance, so with the amount I ate it was a bit high. Probably it would be all right to eat again sometimes (cos it tasted great!), especially if I used less oil, less coconut milk, and/or added chicken stock, or just ate a smaller portion. I suppose it depends what else I'd eaten during the day. This day ended up at 1576, so it wasn't really a problem.
I don't remember hankering after problem food at all. I was just busy, and my meals were filling.
Monday 24 February 2008
Breakfast 7:30: Slice wholemeal toast (75) with plum and cinnamon jam.(9) A boiled egg(70) with a tomato (30) . 2 Weetbix (107) with 1 C soy milk (122) and ½ C tinned peaches (50). C coffee with a little hilo milk. (5) Breakfast - 468 calories.
Snack 12:30: Banana (75), v. small (Italian) pear (30).
Lunch: 3:30 6 wholemeal Vive crackers (150) with 100 gm cottage cheese (90), and a tomato (30) and olives (15). 1 carrot (40). Snow peas (7).
Lunch- 332 calories
Dinner: 7:15 Wholemeal bread roll (160), with a 105 gm can salmon (160) and a 100 gm tin of tuna with sundried tomatoes and basil (79). The tuna was delicious like that and a heap less calories than the salmon. I don't know why the tuna is "lite", and much less calories than if it wasn't! But the salmon is just tinned in water? Salad veges - 1/4 capsicum , 1/2 carrot , 1/2 tomato , 2 small black olives, a mushroom, celery, broccoli, snow peas, cucumber. I reckon about (70) calories for the salad. About 1 tspn light french onion dip. I didn't actually finish the dip and salad tonight as I was feeling full.
9:00 Diet apricot yoghurt (84)
10:00 grapes (100)
Total – 1551
Exercise: Yes, I actually did some. Given the rest of the day, probably I would normally have swum for an hour. However, I was curious about whether that trainer was right about what heart rate I could (not) maintain a on the elliptical, so I went there. I plan to do as he says before my session with him (after I have checked to find out what that was, because I can't actually remember what heartrate he specified, or what length of time ...). But today I reckoned I was free to do whatever pleased me.
So I stood on this machine, and then remembered that it might be good to know my heartrate before I started. It was 80 standing there. I have measured it repeatedly, sometimes using my husband's blood pressure monitor, when I really am quiet at home lately and my actual resting rate is 60. Anyway, I started using this machine - which I couldn't program properly, what else is new, and at first I thought it was going to get away from me. It was definitely moving faster than me. How could this be? It is powered by me, yet I had that impression just the same. Tried again, with a bit more control, and the heart rate monitor started working, great, but I have only just started. I am slow as. I feel like I am working massively hard, and my heart rate is about 130. Dammit the trainer must have been right after all. I don't feel like I can crank myself up much. At any rate, I don't try straight away, I just plod along for 5 minutes warm up. Then I start trying to go faster. It feels terrible, I want to stay on here for 30 minutes but I feel like I will be lucky to do another 5. Anyway, I remember playing on an elliptical previously and trying out the 10 seconds fast, 10 seconds slow thing, so I tried that. (Well it's supposed to be 8 fast 12 slow, but I just count to 10). My heart rate went up into the 150s, but I felt ok. A bit faster, a bit slower, and then I finally found the music channel and sort of forgot about it and just jogged along. Heart rate 160s. (OK, Oprah and Ellen - not useful - random even if crappy music - much more useful!!) Better. High 160's great, comfy. Well sweaty and panting but comfy.
And then this girl with a clipboard came along and asked me if I could name anyone who might want a free session! What the!!! I panted an answer of 4 words or so, barely, lost my rhythm and my heart rate plummeted into the 150s. Not for long though - it was back up to the high 160's low 170's fairly soon, and I kinda remember it going higher briefly, before sitting back at around 173 till I reckoned my 1/2 hour was up. I stopped then, hunted for my pulse a while - because I can barely manage to count at that stage - and it is 160. I do 2 minutes slowly, 3 minutes with my hands off the machine because I can't go slowly enough, while I'm holding the handles, and stop. My heart rate is now 132. I go and sit in the changeroom. 7 minutes later it is 120.
Well maybe it was higher last year, but certainly I can do more than that guy thinks I can. Problem was, he didn't say not to go higher based on it would hurt me, just that I wouldn't be able to stay on the machine if I did. Maybe he was just going on my age or my age and the pulse he took not long after I'd arrived, and that's clearly not a good indicator.
And then I went to the pool and swam half an hour. I did what I haven't done before and checked my heart rate. Certainly, as he predicted, it was lower than on the elliptical. Still, it was 130 after ordinary laps and 145 after freestyle laps, which is as fast as he said he wanted it to be anyway, I think ...
I went home feeling good. Clearly I'd been exercising harder than I have been and that was a good feeling.
However, I did see myself in the mirror while I was on the machine. That was a mistake. Today's shorts reveal about half my thighs. These are thighs that look better stationery.
Also, the salesgirl left me a discount card. It was for a half price solarium session!!!
I know I'm fat, but I did think my tan was okay!!!