Thank you for the kind words!!
Well I'm still not ready to restart my regular diary posts in the way I wanted but getting completely organized first isn't working out and at least I have pretty much caught up with everyone else's diaries. So I'm back to posting my food and exercise daily. It suddenly feels to me that writing up my food feels like exercising. If I haven't done it for a while, like now, I feel somewhat reluctant to get started, but now that I'm typing I'm instantly feeling more settled and like it's going to start being easier to eat well again. Maybe that's just me. I'm like that about a lot of things – preparing school work, doing housework, gardening, ringing people up....
Anyway here is today's food.
Breakfast: 7:30 Toast with plum and cinnamon jam. A boiled egg. Weetbix with soy milk and tinned peaches. Coffee with a little hilo milk.
1-2 more coffees with a little hilo milk.
Snack: 11:00 A handful of snow peas. A sliced Pink Lady apple. Coffee with a little hilo milk.
Lunch: 1:30 2 slices wholemeal Vienna bread with about 100 gm lowfat cottage cheese, an amorato tomato, some cucumber and some capsicum. Coffee with a little hilo milk.
I'm sure I had some more coffee in here somewhere, and a diet orange drink.
Dinner: 7:00 Carrots. 1 C spaghetti with onions, bacon and egg whites. Chopped salad with about 100 gm tinned tuna, spinach, tomato, cucumber, snow peas, mushrooms, capsicum. Extra mushrooms and snow peas and a baby squash with about 2 teaspoons light french onion dip. Tub of diet apricot yoghurt. 2 dates. Coffee with a little hilo milk.
Well that doesn't look too bad to me. Probably the thought that I intended posting tonight has tightened things up a bit.
I did eat very badly while I was on holidays.
I did eat impeccably and with no trouble the moment I got back. However, the first weekend back was a bit awkward. My husband cooked for me, following our old habit, on Friday night, but I had forgotten that to stick with my own balance of food, I have to be a bit involved before he presents me with a plateful. It wasn't bad but wasn't great as far as fat and carbs went either. Then Saturday I was flat out and missed out on eating some of the food I would normally have including dinner, then went to a party in which there was some good food but no veges and I overate a bit on fats and had a very small slice of cake, and one or 2 glasses of wine. Which would seem ok if I hadn't then gone home and eaten icecream and almonds. I'm not sure why I did that. I doubt I was hungry but I guess I was unsatisfied. Monday I ate well, then Tuesday I weighed myself and I was still down a bunch since before the weekend. So I thought maybe this is the old keep the calories fluctuating thing happening, maybe I should keep having Friday night off, or the night off when I go to a party.
So last Friday night I let my husband give me whatever, not enough veges, too much fat and no carbs. And then I thought well I could have icecream, because maybe it's a good idea! And it tastes so wonderful, and I didn't have any carbohydrate – maybe that could be my carbohydrate! And then of course I didn't have a tiny serve, though I didn't have any refills. And then Saturday was flat out again, without enough food and then I went to another party, and I thought drat, this was when I was supposed to have the extra calories. And what the hell, one night won't matter, I am starving and look what great food they have here. It's freezing and the food is hot. The extra fat won't matter for one night. And then I went home, all buzzy and partified and didn't go straight to bed because I was high on caffeine and dancing. I stayed up and ate scads of icecream!! Also, almonds and yoghurt. And I think maybe also weetbix and peaches. I just had my keep eating button jammed on. That did happen to me while I was away, but it has not happened to me at home for nearly a year. So by Sunday night it was a struggle to eat well. I was finished with eating ice cream because I had pretty well horrified myself, but I was still “hungry” when I had finished eating what I used to eat in a day and even on well behaved days having probably an extra 200 calories for supper that I used not to have, maybe more, eating things that I think are ok in moderation but feeling the nagging bugging of wanting to eat and wishing I didn't want to. Yesterday for example, I ate about 10 dates (instead of a nice controlled 2, maximum 4) then later had a supper of weetbix and peaches and over 20 almonds.
Well of course, the first weekend I still lost weight, possibly the scales were showing a bit of random fluctuation downwards, but this weekend I gained and I expected to – based on how I was feeling and how I was eating. It was 1.2 kg. Aside from the holiday, I haven't gained this whole past year. Enough is enough. It's time to go back to something stricter – making sure I get the food I do need and that I stop when I've had it. For me there is a common element in all this – it's not just the desire to stare into the pantry and the overeating. The times I didn't eat enough, or didn't eat in a balanced way came first. I'd like to be able to just take those moments in my stride – and before I went on holiday I quite often did – but it looks like it's back to boot camp time. I need to lose what I've regained and I need to have a solid bunch of time in which I'm eating well before I can afford to be as careless of getting it right as I've started to let myself be.
So insufficiently prepared, and without finishing everything else I'd planned to write, and while my study still needs reorganizing, I'm going to start repetitively posting my food again. I'm even going to leave this post in its unedited state (sorry) and just get it posted despite the too many words. Really it seems to me that there are a lot fewer potential stumbling blocks up ahead than I've had the last few months. The warmer weather is coming. Looks like this is the time after all.
