This beginning is two years in the making

Comme Ci Comme Ça

Yesterday was not awesome, but not terrible. After a scare when my scale misread my weight and showed 185, I am up slightly to 180.7. Not that it's a surprise. My period is coming up and I tend to retain water before hand. Oh and I also break out like I have the plague, so not only am I bloated, I'm pock marked. Beautiful I tell you.

Workout last night was absolutely a waste of my time. So I do TRX which is "suspension training" where you use these straps to anchor yourself and then do exercises using your body weight. The class I'm in is always tiny (there have been month long stretches where I am the only person there) so they only have one TRX. For the class (if there is more than just me) we each take turns on the TRX and then do circuit training on other stuff to make it harder and so we're not standing around waiting for our turn the whole class. And the way my normal teach does it, it's hard. I'm sore for days afterward and it gets my heart rate up. It's an all around great workout and I LOVE going.

But my normal teacher wasn't there today. We had a lady from another gym come in and teach it and she sucked. She was so terrible. She didn't do any of the exercises that are done normally. She catered to all of the newbies in the class to make things as easily as possible and we did nothing in between our turns on the TRX so we spent most of the class just standing around doing nothing. It was so damn frustrating. If my normal teacher isn't there next week, I'll just work out on my own. I know similar exercises to the ones we do on the TRX that I can do with free weights and machines, so I'll just do that. Otherwise it's a waste of a good half an hour.

3 mile run tonight. My shins are still a little sore after my intervals on Monday. But it doesn't really feel like shin splints, more like DOMS. Hopefully it'll ease itself out once I get into my run. Otherwise my run will suck. Lasagna for dinner tonight. I went a little overboard on carbs (bread) last night, and with this pasta I'm scared I'll go overboard on that too. Let's hope not. :(
 
As a small aside. I have apparently lost enough weight that sitting for long periods of time hurts my tail bone.

Why can't I lose the weight where it actually needs to be lost (my HUGE spare tire, or maybe my super large boobs) instead of from my already nonexistent ass? How is this fair?!
 
Losing my mojo

I was so enthusiastic at the beginning of this week, but something happened and I've faltered. Nothing major. But still, it feels like I'm stumbling. I'm eating the meals I've planned. But I'm losing my fight with urges to have "just a little more". So I am eating larger portions. Not huge. And nowhere near binge size. But still, larger than they should be.

I am also losing the fight with "bored eating". I don't even know if that's the right way to describe it. It's just sometimes I want to just taste something good. I don't like gum, and sugar free candy only does so much for me. :(

I also haven't worked out since Tuesday. Fail fail fail. I AM going on a run today. So that'll give me three this week. Plus raking leaves yesterday. But still.

This weekend is going to be hard as well. I have family coming to visit and we're going to have a little celebration for our youngest's birthday. We're having a "Moose" party and everyone is going to have sugar free mousse for dessert. So I don't have to worry too much about that, but we're having pizza. And if I'm not careful, I'll eat 1000 calories worth of pizza without even blinking.

I need willpower. :(

Oh, but on the plus side, my bigger portions haven't totally sabotaged my weight loss. I'm still at 180.5. So there's that.
 
Out of the 180s!

I was 179.7 this morning! I guest posting mopey comments about how bad I'm doing works to lose weight. Or something. :) That's probably not true but who cares?

No workout today. I have family coming down for my stepdaughter's birthday. We're having pizza for dinner so I'm totally going to go over my calories. But whatever. One day will be fine.

I'm so excited to be out of the 180s I can't sit still.
 
CONGRATULATIONS!!! 170's!!!

I wish you could pick where the weight goes from!!! I'm dying to get it off my waist...

Keep up the great work mate :) You're going so well!
 
Thanks Anna. Is it weird that this has both been easier and harder than I thought it would be? If that makes any sense at all.

Jess, man I would love to get mine off my waist too. Stupid fat tire. :(
 
Stresssssss

Ugh this week has just been bad all around. I've been eating bad foods, within my calories, but bad. I had a chicken tender wrap for lunch yesterday. All tolled it was almost 1000 calories. However, my body revolted after all the grease and demanded cereal for dinner. No gain though, which is nice. In fact I'm down a half a pound to 179.2 though I don't really trust my scale anymore. Whatever.

I am under so much stress from the wedding and work. By the end of the day my body is aching and I'm exhausted. I'm having to force myself to unclench my jaw and to just relax. To relax my muscles so they don't cramp up. I'm also becoming super sensitive to meats. I've always been hyper vigilant about cutting off the fat and gristle from meats when cooking, but I've had a bad stretch of foods the past week or so that have been cold (but cooked) when they came to me, or have had chunks of bone in them, or I've bitten into huge chunks of fat that I have just started feeling slightly nauseated at the thought of meat. If I could just eat cereal for the next three weeks until after the wedding, I'd be a happy camper.

I had thought I'd be having those wedding freak out dreams, but I haven't yet. I'm dreaming a lot of tsunamis, but that's about it. I've totally given up the thought of working out until after Thanksgiving because I just plain have no time. We're meeting with all sorts of people between now and then for the wedding and family events that it's not even worth trying to squeeze it in. It's more stress that I just don't need.

Dinner tonight for the mister is falafel. I'm not eating it because it doesn't sound appealing so I'm going to have cereal again. Don't judge me.
 
Still not feeling well

The falafel last night was a fail. I tried to fry it and they basically disintegrated into the oil into this nasty falafel soup. My poor fiancé was so looking forward to it too. :-( We got two small falafel out of it and he said they tasted good, but the texture was wrong. So I'm going to have to find a better recipe next time. I did not eat any though, even before the fail I was gearing up for cereal for dinner. It's the only thing that sounded good. My stomach is still off, and that offness has moved south (sorry, TMI). So I just generally feel gross.

I think because of the nausea and loads of cereal I'm down over a pound. 177.9. When I first saw the scale this morning I was disappointed. All I was focusing on was the 9 because the 179 has been steady for a while. And while I know that this is over a pound loss, that initial disappointment is still there. Stupid.

I'm going through a phase right now where I just don't feel any different than before. When I look in the mirror I see the same person. Every so often I'll catch a glimpse of something that looks a little different, but I can never pinpoint what it is. I still feel as big as I was when I started even though it's obvious I've lost weight. I'm on the last hole in my belt. I can pull all of my pants off without unbuttoning them. My SHOES are roomier. (I didn't realize I had fat feet.) But I don't SEE it, so it's discouraging. I'm obviously going to keep going, but I wish my mental image of myself would catch up to the physical one. Or maybe I don't. That's sort of what got me here in the first place.

I will be at the point very soon where I will need to start thinking about some new pants, but I'm putting it off because of the fear that I will be the same clothes size as before. And that would be more disappointment than I think I could bear. I KNOW it's just a number and has no correlation to my worth as a person. I know this. But just because I know this doesn't mean I don't have set internal perceptions of what certain sizes mean to me.

Currywurst with potatoes for dinner tonight. Hopefully this dinner won't fail.
 
Not bad

It's official. My body cannot handle deep fried foods anymore. We went out to dinner with my fiancé's friend on Saturday AND Sunday. I was pretty good in ordering for both days, but my fiancé got deep fried pickles on Saturday and pirogies on Sunday and I could not help but have one of each. I felt like crap all day, both days because of fried food. UUUGh. But I didn't go over my calories, and managed to lose 1/2 a pound. Down to 177.5 this morning. I really really really want to be down to 173 for my wedding, which is in less than three weeks. That will mean I am officially "overweight" and will have lost 30 pounds. I want this so bad I can taste it.

My workouts have officially derailed. Wedding and holidays have just gotten in the way and I have lost my motivation. I have big plans to go back after the wedding, when I don't have to worry about meeting with DJs and officiants, and picking up dresses, and making decorations, and fighting with the groomsmen about ties and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Excuses I know. But damnit I am dreaming of effing tsunamis everynight, so I'm stressed out the wazoo and just want one less thing to worry about until the wedding. So bye bye running. We will meet again, I assure you.

Ravioli for dinner tonight. Not the best choice ever, but I'm kind of skimping on my lunches this week. I got lazy and didn't buy some of my normal stuff, so I've got around 1000 calories to kill each night. The ravioli isn't the healthiest thing ever, but I think it tastes good and I have the calories for it so why the hell not? :)
 
Really hoping you make your target for your wedding! Congrats on the loss so far of course and your half pound loss this week.
 
Just stopping in to say hello and great job so far! About not noticing the weight loss in your appearance yet - I would definitely recommend you take some "before" pictures of yourself if you haven't. I was feeling the same way after a ten lb loss, my clothes were baggy but I didn't see it. Then I remembered I had taken before shots and when you can see yourself then and now at the same time you really notice a difference. My whole view of my progress changed while looking at side views of my stomach!
 
Caiman: Thank you! If Thanksgiving doesn't get in my way, I can totally do this!
Laura: I took some before pictures (and have some of when I was at my biggest, but I couldn't tell you how much I weighed then) but I want to wait until I reach my mini goal for my wedding before I compare them to now. That will be almost halfway to my total weight loss so I thought it would make a good progress picture. But I want to be surprised. :)
 
The Special K Diet

You know that "diet" that Kelloggs promotes with their Special K cereal. Eat two bowls of cereal per day and lose X number of pounds in so many days? I could totally do that diet. Not with Special K, but with Quaker Oat Squares. This cereal has become my go-to dinner for when I don't want to cook. Or like last night, when we just didn't have enough for all of us. (Planning fail on my part.) What's nice about it, is it feels like an indulgence to me. Before my grandma died, we used to watch documentaries and snack on this cereal dry. So every time I eat it I think of her. It's higher in calories than a lot of cereals, but it's filling so I'm not starving two hours after I eat it. It works out well for me. I hope I don't get sick of it though.

Weight loss is still going well. Down another half pound today. Though I don't totally trust my scale. I stepped on it this morning and it first registered at 180.5 which is way high. So I freaked out, let it reset, and tried again. Down to 177 even. Then let it reset and tried again (which takes kind of a while, and by this point my fiancé was going WTF and wondering what was taking me so long) and it was 177 again. I'm going to trust the 177 but damn it that scale is making me paranoid.

Breakfast bake for dinner tonight. My lunch is super low calorie again to make up for it, so hopefully it's good.
 
I love love LOVE hearing someone who has used Weight Watchers tell their story, because I can confirm how amazing it is!

On June 26th, 2010, I weighed 268.6 pounds.
When I weighed myself on Saturday, November 20, 2010, I was 195 pounds.

Sometimes, I can hardly believe I'm on a diet.
I don't even use the word anymore; it's a specialized way of life, and I love it.

I know without a doubt that you will reach your goal weight with WW!
Very best of luck to you!
 
Thanks SoCoSideshow, but I'm not really doing WW. I follow a lot of their ideas, like balancing calories, fat, and fiber, eating what you like and not denying yourself within reason, but I count calories because I don't want to pay WW for tools that I could figure out on my own.
 
Stable

I've decided that I hate focusing on the minutiae of "dieting". Like worrying whether one specific food is going to make me fat. Or whether this specific exercise is going to burn the most calories. It's exhausting and frankly I don't have the energy to spend that much time worrying about it. I want to lose weight, and I obviously am. But I think wasting that much energy is futile. I've done it before and it flat out didn't work. I like the system I've got going on. Plan meals for the week on Sunday and have a couple hundred "left over" calories every day that I can use for snacking or a treat if I feel like it. I eat foods I like, in sensible portions. I haven't gone crazy eating more veggies or protein. I have pudding almost daily. I go out to eat once every week or two. And I've lost almost 30 pounds in less than three months. Laziness FTW.

Still at 177 this morning even after indulging a little in dinner last night. I don't know what it is about sausage, eggs, and bread but breakfast casserole just hits the spot for me. Sparkpeople says a serving is about 300 calories and I went what I felt was a bit high and said I had 2 1/2 servings, but since I missed breakfast yesterday that still kept me within my calories. No loss, but no gain either which is nice.

Someone brought in Cheryl's cookies and left them on the table behind my desk and I did not have the willpower to not eat one yesterday. But I only had one and had room in my calories for it so I don't feel terrible. Ok that's not true. I immediately felt sick after eating it. Let's hope the next time I see a cookie from Cheryl's I will remember how gross I felt after eating the last one. That's a lot of sugar for one sitting.

Up until today, I was not dreading Thanksgiving like most people have been, because I thought I'd be ok and not have any problems eating within my calories. But I have seriously started stressing about it since my mom told me she was making sticky buns, my favorite thing ever. And I have two full Thanksgivings, not just one. One at my parent's house and one at my in-laws' house. And the one that the in-laws is a pot luck and I have no idea what's going to be there. Ugh. I don't want to miss out on everything, but I so want to get down to 173 for my wedding in two and a half weeks (OMG IT'S SO CLOSE) that I don't want to do anything to sabotage that. Crap.

I can do this.


Maybe.


Meat loaf for dinner tonight. Not my favorite thing ever, but it has bacon on top so it can't be bad right? Worst case scenario is I'll eat cereal instead. No biggie.
 
Happy Thanksgiving!

Real quick before I head off to celebrate. I'm down to 175.5! Which is awesome. Two pounds until I'm officially obese anymore. Yay!

My fiance made a comment last night about how my khaki pants don't make my butt look good anymore since my butt has shrunk. He says they are "man pants" now. My butt is the only thing that (in my mind) is visibly smaller which kind of sucks. So he says I need to get some tighter pants. We have a work holiday party in a few weeks, so maybe I'll get a new outfit for that.

Heading out to the in-laws today. I'm dreading the food that's going to be there. It's all going to be amazing, and it's all going to be high calorie. I'm not going to eat before we go, and I probably won't eat after we get back, so I at least have the luxury of indulging a little. I've been having issues where if I eat too much at once I get sick. (To the point I have tossed my cookies, literally, at least once). I'd rather not have that happen.

I hope everyone (who is celebrating it) has a wonderful holiday. And to those who are not, happy Thursday!

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top