This beginning is two years in the making

bluebuckeye

New member
About two years ago, a bet was made between my boss, me, and another coworker of mine to see who could give up soda the longest. We were all huge soda drinkers. We're talking 5-6 cans a day. The winner was supposed to get some sort of prize. Maybe lunch or something like that. Though that never panned out. At the start it was obvious how badly all that soda was affecting me. I had terrible heartburn, headaches, restless leg syndrome. So I figured, what could it hurt? The first week was horrendous. I didn't even count how many aleve I took to battle the headaches I got. And I drank probably three gallons of orange juice as a substitute for my Coke. It took me a while to realize that me drinking soda was much more of a habit than anything else. And once I got in the habit of drinking something else, I was fine. Since that day, January 4, 2009 I've had a single sip of diet soda. I have yet to lose my cravings, and I still have dreams about it. But I did it.

After giving up soda I thought I would lose a few pounds. People always talk about those "easy" things you can do to lose weight. Stop drinking soda, drink more water, walk more, whatever. But I didn't lose any weight. By March I had given up the OJ too and drank water almost exclusively. So I was definitely taking in about a thousand calories less per day, but my body had decided it liked the weight I was at, 196. And we were going to stay there.

My fiancé had just proposed, and we were planning our December 2010 wedding, and I thought a year and a half would be the perfect amount of time to lose the weight so I wouldn't be a fat bride. So I joined the gym at my work in April 2009. I averaged 4-5 days a week, mixing up cardio and weight training. I was getting stronger, and I could run faster. A trip to the doctor showed I had really good vitals. My only problem was my weight. Which had stubbornly stuck at 196.

So I decided to eat healthier. I love to cook, so I started making all of our meals from scratch. On Sundays I would put together lunch and breakfast foods for the week (soups, sandwiches, muffins, breakfast burritos), so that I wouldn't have to worry about them the day of. I started meal planning, making dinners out of whole foods instead of processed ones. I started eating more vegetables and more fruits. I didn't deny myself the occasional treat, as I thought that the working out would be enough. And I didn't count calories or weigh myself often, as I was bulimic for a long time in college, and counting calories often led to binging for me. But after six months of that, I still weighed 196.

In January of 2010 a very good friend of mine told me she was going to A good friend of her's is slowly dying of cancer, and this ride helps raise funds for the James Cancer Hospital at the Ohio State University; the same hospital where her friend was being treated. I jumped at the chance to ride with her and started training with gusto. My workouts were bumped up to six days a week, two days spinning, two days weight training, and two days doing other cardio (usually running). We were so hooked on racing (and we hadn't even ran a single race yet!) that we signed up to walk in April, and to run 5k in May. I also went out and signed up for in June. A bike ride to raise money to fight diabetes, which both my fiancé and my mother have. And which I am at high risk for.

All of the races went extremely well. I was feeling good about myself, and my body. Though I was still fat, I was strong. My body could take me 26 miles by foot and 65 miles by bike. That is amazing! And I have found that races are an extremely good motivator to work out because the races are so much more fun if you are prepared. The fear of being last really pushed me to work out even harder. Another checkup at the doctor proved that the exercise was really helping, as all of my vitals had moved into the "excellent" range. But my weight was even higher. The highest it's ever been, at 204. While I was at the doctors office I cried. I told him I felt like I was doing everything I was supposed to do. But I was still fat. And my doctor, who is one of the best I have ever had, said I should not worry much at all about my weight. I'm only at 32% body fat, which is in the normal range. And since I'm exercising and eating well, that the weight will not be a big deal. But, he said if I did want to lose the weight, that Weight Watchers would be the way to go. He said given my meal planning, water drinking, fruit eating, exercising ways make me the perfect candidate for something like Weight Watchers and he felt I would do extremely well on it. He said given all the hard work I've already put in, and the fact that I'm not losing weight, the most logical reason for me not losing weight is simply eating portions that are too large. And Weight Watchers is an easy way to control portion size.

I think just having my doctor tell me that really put it into my head that I COULD do it. Before I had used the excuse of worrying that tracking what I'm eating would lead to binging as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. But I can't afford to do that anymore. So three weeks ago I started my own meal plan. I decided not to go with Weight Watchers, as I'm cheap and refuse to pay to join, but my own 500-500-500 diet. The idea was to plan all of my meals around 500 calories. A lot of restaurants have meals around that number, and I had found that once I ate the correct portion sizes of my favorite foods, they came out to around 500 calories too. So that has been my plan. I eat foods that I love, just less of them.

It's become sort of a game to figure out how I can eat the largest amount of food without going over 500 calories. I always make sure to leave room for snacks and dessert (snack pack pudding, and Pumpkin Hershey Kisses are my current favorites) so I'm not deprived.

So far I'm down six pounds.

I feel like this has been too easy. I still get hungry. I still want to binge. I feel guilty when I slip and have a cheat day. But I don't feel deprived. It is in my head now that I can do this. Just like when I gave up soda. There was sort of a switch in my brain that got turned on and I just kind of KNOW that this is going to happen.

But I'm still at the beginning. 6 pounds out of 69 that I would like to lose is not much. But I'm going to keep going and see where it leads me.

Start - 204 - 9/14
10 lb - 194 - 9/23
20lb - 184 - 10/25
10% - 183.6 - 11/5
Officially "overweight" BMI - 174 - 12/14
30lb - 174 - 12/14
15% - 173.4 - 12/27
40 lb - 164 - 3/13
20 % - 163.2 - 3/14
50 lb - 154
25% - 153
60 lb - 144
30% - 142.8
Officially "normal" BMI = 142
Goal - 135
 
Last edited:
Survey

How much weight do you want to lose? 74 pounds

What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight? 12 months

How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? Keep exercising, racing, and doing my 500-500-500 diet.

Who or what can support you in reaching your goal? My fiance, my mom and sister, my LJ peeps.

How realistic is your goal? 130 is kind of a dream goal of mine. I haven't been that small since junior high school. I don't even know what my body would look like at that size. My more realistic goal is 140.

When will you start? I've been on this road for 22 months already. I've got the momentum, just have to keep going.

1. What is your current height and weight? 5'4 190

2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? 130

3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? 170

4. Why do you want to lose weight? I am at risk for hypertension and diabetes that runs in my family. Health wise, I'm doing great. By the added weight ups my risk factors for both. So I would like to lose the weight to stave off any health issues as long as possible. Oh and I want to look awesome in a bathing suit, but who doesn't?

5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? I started working out and eating right 22 months ago to try to lose weight for my wedding, but with a little over two months to go, that's not going to happen. I'm doing it now simply to be smaller.

6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? My family loves dessert, and deep fried foods. And given our girls are picky it's hard to make healthy foods that everyone will eat. I also tend to pig out at parties.

7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? Partly it's genetics, my mom's side has always been heavier. And it's partly because I don't have an "off" switch to tell me when I'm full. If something tastes good, I will just keep eating it until I'm painfully full.

8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? I've already made so many changes. I got rid of the soda. Drinking lots of water. Exercising. Eating "whole" non-processed foods. Now I just need to work on portions.

9. Have you lost weight in the past? No. I gained weight when I got to college. And since then I've stayed within the same 10 pound range for about 6 years.

10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? I never really tried. I did fad diets for a few days, but they never lasted because I could never eat anything I actually liked.

11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Eating more vegetables, or following a prescribed diet. I'm a picky eater, and if I can't eat the foods I like, I get depressed and binge.

12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? I've been doing that for a month now and it's going pretty well. It's become my own sort of game. How can I maximize what I'm going to eat today without going over my calorie limit.

13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? I cook at home almost every night and numerous times a day on the weekends. Going out to dinner has become a once or twice a month treat. I'll cook absolutely anything. I love soups, stews, and love making home made pickles and jelly. I hate packaged foods and make as much as possible from scratch. I'm so picky, making my own foods is easier so I can eat exactly what I want.

14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? Once or twice a month. It's usually dinner out with friends, or with my fiance just to have a nice time together.

15. What are your three favorite foods? Cheese, garlic bread, chicken fingers.

16. What are your three favorite restaurants? BJ's, Barley's, Figlio

17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Smaller portions, more variety, less deep frying.

18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? My spare tire would be gone. My face would be not be so chubby, my arms would be a little slimmer, and my boobs would have gone down THREE cup sizes.

19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? I used to. I still want to. But I've pretty much stopped.

20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? Again, I used to. I still might. I have the urge to binge pretty often.

21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? I've only ever hidden food so that I wouldn't have to share with our girls. And I've "eaten in secret" again, so I don't have to share. But it's less so I don't hurt their feelings because they're not getting any, than hiding it from others.

22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Yes. When my girls or I have a bad day, we get together for dinner and a drink. It's not binging, but it's eating things I normally wouldn't eat.

23. Do you eat as a reward? Why bother when I can buy fabric?!

24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? Not anymore. We have pretty strict rules about eating on the couch or in bed, so if I want to eat and watch tv I have to sit at the table, and I hate that.

25. What do you normally eat for a meal? Whatever strikes my fancy. I have a number of cookbooks, and I peruse food blogs often. I'm always looking for a new "favorite" meal.

26. What type of snacks do you eat? Chex mix, Hershey kisses, apples and peanut butter.

27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? Lots! I'm currently training for a half marathon 3-4 days a week, and weight training twice a week. This spring I'm going to add cycling into it to train for my first century ride.

28. Where do you go for exercise? The gym at work, or around my neighborhood on my bike or just running.

29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? Running, TRX, cycling.

30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? Every day I tell myself that it's just one day. I can do anything for one day. Nothing I'm doing is so difficult that I can't do it.All my other motivation stems from not wanting to be unhealthy. I'm terrified of dying and am using exercise and good eating habits to prolong my life as long as possible.

31. Do you have rewards for certain goals? If I get to my goal weight, I'm going to go on an Alaskan cruise with my fiance.
 
Officially out of the 190s - 189

For the first time in three years I weigh less than 190 pounds. I don't actually see any difference in how I look, though to be fair, how I view myself has is affected very little on what I look like. I've felt that at every size that I look huge. I am noticing the weight loss in my clothes. My engagement ring too is starting to get loose though. That was something I hadn't thought of. Hopefully it's not too loose to wear for the wedding. Only 67 days left!

I don't know if this is a real change or if it's just something psychosomatic, but food tastes differently to me now. Not on purpose, but simply to stay within my calories, I've been eating a lot less fat and a lot fewer carbs. (Sparkpeople has been chastising me daily for not eating my recommend amounts of either.) So that might be it. My palate seems to be changing to adapt to the foods I'm eating. It also may simply be the fact that I am eating now when I'm hungry instead of eating just because the clock says it's time to eat. I guess it doesn't matter, as it makes eating so much more enjoyable. I really enjoy my meals so much more now. It helps too that they taste so good as I don't feel deprived at all. I get hungry, but I'm still not having those freak out moments where all I think about is FOOD FOOD FOOD and want to eat everything in sight. Plus the way my meals are structured, if I want a snack, I have plenty of calories to spare. I can eat most little things without guilt. I haven't really need to though.

I signed up for another race for next spring, the Warrior Dash. It's a 3 mile obstacle course. With that race along with the half marathon, the Susan Komen 5k, Tour De Cure, and Pelotonia, my spring and summer are going to be race filled! You're supposed to dress up for the Warrior Dash and I thought I might wear a lady viking outfit with an exposed mid-drift. I've never had the balls to wear something like that. Maybe that's something to work towards. We can dream right?
 
Belts and Clothes

Getting dressed this morning I realized I had to use the fourth hole in my belt to keep my pants up. This is new as I have been using the second hole for years now. I had moved it over to the third when I first started losing weight, and it was a bit tight. And for giggles today I tried the fourth and it fit perfectly. I hadn't realized it had even gotten loose on the third hole. Yay me for being oblivious.

I've been trying really hard to focus on being healthy instead of losing weight, because I know that getting down into what's considered "healthy" for my size (aka a "normal" BMI) is just not realistic because of my frame. I'm muscular, with the fullback shoulders (from years of competitive swimming and cheerleading) to go along with it. I don't particularly care, but it always makes my weight a lot higher than people expect it to be given my size. When I was younger I used to win a crap load of prizes from those booths at the fair that would guess your weight, because people always guessed way under what I was.

What I DO want however is to be smaller. One of the things I hate most about my size is my inability to wear nice work clothes that are flattering to my shape and size. I used to intern for the House of Representatives in college and I had my work wardrobe decked out in Banana Republic and Ann Taylor. Everything fit well, and was made well, and I looked fantastic. While both Banana and AT currently carry my size, they never actually have anything in my size. I want so badly to be small enough to fit into clothes that I think look good. I'm not very fashionable at all, and never have been. I like classic stuff: button downs, cardigans, sweaters, vests, tweed skirts. Things that never seem to go out of style. And very conservative styles sure, but that's what I like. But they don't flatter my current shape at all so I rarely wear them.

One of the things I have promised myself when I get to 160 (not my goal, but a significant loss) is a new outfit from Ann Taylor. I'd love to get some knee high boots, a knee length skirt, and a pretty sweater. How adorable would that be?

Chipotle sloppy joes for dinner tonight. I'm really looking forward to them (I adore spicy food), and should be able to have two if I want because I'm only about 700 calories for the day so far and they're 350 per sandwich. This buffer that I have is so nice. I can eat more than a serving if I want to, so I don't freak out that I'm going to starve. And since I'm not freaking out, I tend to not eat so much. Just having that buffer there is causing me to eat less. It's amazing. I love it.
 
Ice Cream

I love the "diet" I'm on. I tracked my calories all day today and dinner came out to be about 200 calories lower than I needed to hit my calories for the day. So what do I do to make up the difference? Ice cream. And I don't for one second feel guilty about it.
 
Buca Di Beppo

This weekend is the 30th birthday of one of my fiance's best friends. His wife has planned a huge birthday bash at Buca Di Beppo followed by drinks a the bar next door. I have been 100% ok eating out before now as I knew the calorie amounts of what I was going to get before hand, but this is all family style stuff. So I have no idea what we're going to have, and I have no idea how much a portion of something is going to be. I'm both dreading and looking forward to going. Not to the bar though. I'm a lightweight, and will have one drink, tops. Probably none since I'll be driving home. But still.

I could just have a free day. Which would be fine. I've been eating below my calories for weeks so one day off shouldn't be an issue. But I'm scared that this will lead me to binge. This is exactly what I do not want. I've been doing so well with my meals, eating things I like in the right amounts, not being hungry, that I'm scared to screw it up.


On a side note, I seem to be having issues meeting my calories on most days. Which I find absolutely hilarious given how much I like to eat. I have a set group of foods I eat for lunch (sandwich, fruit, chex mix or other cracker mix, and a pudding cup) and then I've been trying to find tasty meals for dinner. Lots of stirfry, meat and veggies, low carb wraps. All of my dinners come in under 500 calories, and without snacks, I've been averaging around 1000 calories a day. I'm not hungry at all, but I keep reading that I should be eating between 1600 and 1800 calories, or I'm going to screw up my metabolism. I don't want to do that, but I don't want to eat too much more and not lose.

Bah.
 
Sugar Treats = BINGE

Yesterday I realized I had forgotten the small treat I usually pack myself after lunch. It's usually pudding or Hershey Kisses. Something small to satiate my sweet tooth but not eat up too many calories. I checked spark people and realized that even with dinner I was only going to hit about 900 calories for the day. So I thought, I have some calories to spare, I'll have something sweet. For whatever reason I chose a Twinkie and it was a bad choice.

Once I took the first bite, I totally stopped eating it because it tasted good, I was eating it because I couldn't stop. I took huge bites and didn't really chew. When the Twinkie was gone, I licked the extra cream off the wrapper. It was pathetic. And as soon as I was done all I wanted was more. I got home after work and the craving for sweets continued. I refrained some, but not totally. I ended up eating a sugar free chocolate/peanut butter wafer and a few whoppers. Not enough to go over for my calories for the day, but that's the most sweets I've had since I started. And I'm up a pound and a half.

I have such a hard time doing things in moderation. Which is why I can't drink soda at all. I'll drink one or two in a month, and that will balloon to 5 a day. I eat one treat that's not part of my routine, and I want to eat an entire junk food aisle. It's just frustrating. So I'm just going to make sure I have something small and sweet in my lunch every day, so that this doesn't happen again.

In other news, I've got a three mile run tonight. I realized since I started training for my half marathon, that I have yet to run a full 5k at once. Since I have a 5k race in two months, I should probably get on that, yes? I also need to find an outfit for it. It's a Christmas themed race and my friends and I were thinking we'd dress as Christmas trees, but I'm thinking maybe something more fun. A reindeer maybe? Mrs. Claus? I'm sure I'll think of something.
 
Great day!

After a minor stumble on Thursday, Friday went on to be an absolutely amazing day. I changed up my lunch on Friday from my regular turkey sandwich to leftover sweet and sour chicken. It was even better than the night before and it was nice to have a hot meal for lunch. That pretty much set the tone for my day. And it was a good one!

Went home and had my new favorite meal, buffalo chicken wraps. So easy to make, so tasty, and you can eat a ton and still not eat a lot of calories. One of my bridesmaids came over for dinner and we ate, and then worked on getting ebooks on her Droid, and then sewed up a bunch of stockings for the wedding. We also watched When In Rome, which is TERRIBLE, but we still had a good time making fun of it.

While she was there I was commissioned by two separate people to make quilts for them. This is huge! I've been a quilter for about five years now, and out of the blue TWO separate people want me to make them quilts. I'm flattered. But not only that, I have been contacted by about 20 people about one of my recent photos, and how much they love it. I'm not a professional photographer by any stretch, but I work at it. And it's so rewarding to know that my hard work is paying off.

Today is my free day, so dinner at Buca di Beppo. And lots and lots and lots of football. Yay!
 
Loser weekend

I planned accordingly for the trip to Buca and while I gorged myself I stayed within my calories, and the scale is happily back down to the low of 189 I hit last week. I surprised myself at the restaurant though. I ate a lot of bread, and not much of anything else. I hadn't realized how low carb my diet has been until I had a basket of bread in front of me. I didn't even finish my dinner of manicotti because I was full up on bread. But it was totally worth it. I love bread. Especially crusty bread.

Sunday was almost as good as Saturday. I went out with a couple of friends to find the underwear for my wedding. My dress fitting is in a few weeks and I needed the underwear before then. We found a hot corset and garter set. I fit into a smaller size than I normally wear, and I feel like I actually looked sexy in it! Here's to hoping my fiancé likes it.

I ended up getting some fast food while we were out, Auntie Anne's pretzles. Pretzles + cheese sauce + Lemonade = LUNCH! And tasty at that. I think I'm getting the hang of this now. I don't have to feel like anything is off limits. As long as I eat reasonable portions of things and stay within my calories, I can have whatever I want.

We're having breakfast for dinner tonight. French toast and eggs. Since I'm under for my calories for the day I may be able to swing "dessert" as well. (Although, french toast is pretty dessert-y. I'm not sure how much more sweet I'll want.) Pioneer Woman has a new "recipe" for "frozen mousse" which is simply Cool Whip mixed with chocolate, nuts, and then frozen. I could easily change that up and make it sugar free, low calorie, and still tasty. I think I may just do that!
 
I love exclamation points!

I didn't manage to have dessert last night because we ended up having bacon with dinner. And I think I liked that better. I love bacon. :) It didn't seem to affect me much though as I'm down to 187.8!

I had TRX training last night which I love love love. It's amazing weight training and it gets my heart rate up at the same time. Bonus! Because our class was bigger than normal our trainer had us doing circuit training so we wouldn't be idle for too long. My old boss was in my class with me, and I have to say working out with him is damn inspiring. If he has more than 10% body fat I'd be shocked. He was an athlete in both highschool and college, and he now is a pretty good golfer. He's qualified for a couple of pro tours. But he works out religiously and it shows. He's in amazing shape. But he's been so amazingly sweet the entire time I've been eating right and working out. He'll give me tips on how to get the best out of my workouts, and we talk "shop" all the time. He's a great guy and I'm glad we're friends.

On a small side note, he's a distance runner too and I think that being nice to fellow runners is just something they all do. All of the runners I know in real life, and in online communities are nice, accepting, helpful people. If you want to join a truly supportive community, join a running community online. No one judges you for your 40 minute 5ks or for just starting out and doing the couch to 5k. They all are just so happy that you are sharing in their sport, that they will cheer you on for whatever small victory you have. I love my running communities.

Yesterday one of my coworkers brought in a dozen donuts to share. They came in about 9:00am and were on his desk until 3:00. They were taunting me. I tried to pawn them off on whoever came through the row, but there were not many takers. Knowing I'm trying to eat well, my coworkers kept setting them on my desk. And then eating them in front of me. It was torture! But I totally refrained from eating any. I think I deserve a prize or something for that!

Today is a higher calorie dinner. Not "high calorie" just higher than what I've been at. It's home made chicken strips and something our whole family loves. To make myself not feel so guilty about the fried food, we're having lots of fruit and veggies with it. I'm drooling just thinking about it!
 
Two things I forgot to mention

On Friday I did a 5k practice run in preparation for the Jingle Bell 5k in December and I set a PR! I came in over a minute and a half faster than the last 5k I ran. I'm absolutely thrilled about this because I usually run slower when I work out and faster when I race. I am not there yet, but this good news shows I'm on my way to getting a sub 30 minute 5k.

Last night I came home from working out and my fiance commented that he could tell that I was losing weight. He said my face looked different. And I just said "yeah that's because my jaw is reemerging from my neck fat". And he laughed, got a serious face and said "Actually, I think that's it!". Yay for reemerging jaw lines!
 
Last post today I swear - GOALS

I had been wanting to post some goals that I hope to achieve so that I have something small to look forward to. Here are my small goals. I don't want to just look at that huge number of almost 70 pounds, because that just seems like too much. So I'm just going to go for mini-goals, which are all totally doable. If I can reach one or two a month I will be a happy camper! If I keep going the way I'm going I'll hit both the 20lb and 10% goals this week! I also want to get to a healthy body fat percentage. At last measurement I was at 34%, just one percent away! I can do this!

10 lb - 194 - 9/23
20lb - 184
10% - 183.6
Officially "overweight" BMI - 174
30lb - 174
15% - 173.4
40 lb - 164
20 % - 163.2
50 lb - 154
25% - 153
60 lb - 144
30% - 142.8
Officially "normal" BMI = 142
Goal - 135
 
Last edited:
Body Glide!

I'm a pound up from yesterday, but I think that's because yesterday was one of those weird fluctuations where I go super low and then bounce back up. So I'm still down a pound from Monday, so that is good. Especially considering the dinner I had last night. I had home made chicken fingers (Pioneer Woman's recipe!), apples, and peas, and I literally could not stop eating the chicken fingers. I left room for the calories to have two whole servings, because I knew I would pig out, and I'm pretty sure I even went over that. UGH. There wasn't even any rational thought involved. "Oh that little one right there looks tasty, I'm going to eat it." And in my mouth it went. Bah. Thank FSM my calories are pretty low and I have the room to spare, because that would have been bad otherwise. I guess next time I will make only enough for each of us to have a serving, so that way I don't freak out. Because I just don't know how to stop.

Had a good 3 mile run again today. Ran about the same time as on Friday. I could have probably run faster if I hadn't had the chub rub. Up until now because my mileage was so low I hadn't needed body glide, but duuuuuuude. I definitely need it now. Chafing = bad news. Ouch.
 
Steady wins the race

A nice 1/2 lb loss from yesterday. My weight loss numbers were huge in the beginning, but have since tapered off. I've currently lost 16 pounds in a little over a month, but 14 of that came in the first two weeks. Which is insane considering I wasn't starving myself or working out excessively. But my weight loss has slowed a bit and I'm averaging 2 pounds a week now. That's a nice steady weight loss and I'm happy with it. I'm trending just slightly faster than what I need to reach 135 by next Christmas. That works for me. :)

I'm still working on making some of my changes permanent habits. I've got the water drinking down. I crave my first ice water of the day like caffeine junkies crave their first cup of coffee. And I can feel how happy the first drink makes me. It's kind of cool. Working out is almost second nature but there are still days where I just do not want to go and have to psyche myself into it. I need to work out more than I currently am though. 3 days a week is fine and has worked for the past two years, but once I start training for the half marathon I'm going to have to ramp up to six. That's a huge change. But I can do it.

Packing my lunch is a different story. It is still something I have to push myself to remember, though I haven't skipped any days in a month. There aren't a lot of options here at our cafeteria for me to eat that will fill me up while staying in my calories so the motivation to keep myself from starving keeps me packing. Also, I'm saving so much money! $5-7 a day for lunch really adds up. Though I do sort of miss their taco salad. That was really tasty. I'll have to see if I can figure out a lower calorie version.

Quiche for dinner tonight, and I'm so looking forward to it. I have to say that part has been the easiest part of my weight loss. I LOVE LOVE LOVE making meals from scratch and I love surfing for new recipes. Every Sunday I plan my meals for the week exactly the same way I did before I started losing weight. Except now I look for meals under 500 calories. This is not terribly restricting, so I've had great luck finding new, tasty recipes to try. Being able to keep a part of my old routine, and a part I really enjoyed, is really helping me along.
 
Grumpy

I went a little overboard on the quiche last night. It was just so damn tasty! I had to guess my calories but I probably hit 1800 where I have been averaging 1300-1500. Damn. My weight is up a tiny bit to 188.4 from 188.2, but I'm pretty sure part of that was I had to rush today and weighed myself while my hair was still wet. So, I'm not going to stress about it.

We're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate my youngest step-daughter's birthday. I'm honestly dreading it. She keeps saying she wants to go to Steak and Shake. I like very little that's on their menu, and I like absolutely nothing on their menu that I can eat and stay within my calories for the day. If I get what I want, chicken fingers and fries, that's a thousand calories. Ugh. I could get a kids meal, but I know I'll be starving later. Ugh. I don't even LIKE their food. And it feels like such a waste to have so many calories on food I don't even like. I guess we'll see how it goes later. :-(

Tomorrow we're going to an indoor water park for her birthday. I'm not really looking forward to that either. Spending an entire football Saturday, in a bathing suit, not being able to watch any of my games? That's going to suck so much. And who knows what kind of food they have there. For sure we're going to have cake, so I have to budget for that. I'm thinking I'll just pack my normal lunch and not even bother eating whatever is there. Kind of weird, but I just plain don't care.
 
Frustration

I was so busy this weekend I didn't have a chance to weigh in or to post here about what was going on. Woops.

Saturday was the water park, and that was just ok. I didn't get in the water at all. I just don't feel good in my bathing suit and don't feel it's flattering at all. The park only had deep fried foods and pizza in their "restaurant" so I just plain didn't eat the entire time we were there. I'd have brought snacks from home but their website said that wasn't allowed. I hate places like that.

I ate well both Saturday and Sunday, with the exception of probably going too long between meals. I don't think that'll hurt me if I don't do it every day. After the good weekend I was really expecting a nice loss, but I came in to my gym this morning and our scale is broken. ARGH! That's so frustrating! Hopefully it'll be fixed tomorrow.

I have my dress fitting tonight for my wedding dress. I'm nervous. I'm irrationally scared that it's not going to fit. I bought it almost two years ago! Here's hoping.
 
185!

Finally weighed myself in today after three days of not being able to. I've become addicted to weighing myself. I don't know how people can be so laid back and only weigh themselves once a week, or even less than that. I think I would go crazy.

But! I'm down to 185.4! The last time I weighed this much was almost three years ago and that was right after I got food poisoning. Gross!

I went to my dress fitting last night. I was so nervous about my dress. I bought it two years ago and was terrified it wouldn't fit. And sadly it didn't. It was too big! I could zip it up and then pull it on. My seamstress is going to take it in a bunch but it looks amazing. I bought some sexy underwear to go under it but the corset comes up too high. Drat. So I get to go braless. My fiancé of course is happy about that. We had this conversation last night.

Me: I'm sad. I'm not going to get to wear the cute undies under my dress that I bought for you.
Him: Why not?
Me: It comes up too high in the back. I'm going to have to go braless.
Him: Is that really going to work? You've got big boobs.
Me: Well, it's really structured. And it has a lot of boning going on to hold me up.
Him: Damn right there is going to be a lot of boning going on in that dress!

<3 I love him.

Chicken Normandy for dinner tonight. Chicken simmered in broth with onions and apples. A very "autumn" dinner. I love it! 3 mile run as well. I want to start working on speed and get my 5k times down to about 30 minutes. Fun fun.
 
Hungry

I'm not sure what has changed, but I have been absolutely starving the past few days. I still eat the same number of calories, and I'm not exercising anymore, so I don't know what triggered it. I know for sure that it's real "hunger" and not just wanting to eat, as it's a physical feeling and not a mental one. And sometimes it takes a while to register. I think this means the volume of food I'm eating is too small for the calories I'm taking in. I'm going to have to look for new, more filling, foods for breakfast and lunch. And I think this means I have to give up my goldfish. :-( I'm sad.

And being hungry at work makes things difficult. There was a board member meeting down in one of our large conference rooms that had a catered breakfast. With bacon. And the smell of that bacon is wafting all the way up to my cube. And it's making me salivate. So the feeling of actually being hungry added onto smelling bacon (one of my favorite things) is killing me. I've started eating my lunch already and it's 10:30. This is not good.

Tonight we are having our engagement pictures done. I am honestly terrified. I still don't like the way I look. I still feel too big. And we are going to have these pictures done that we are going to look at forever. And I'm beating myself up for it. Why didn't I start losing weight sooner? Now that I realize what it takes I am kicking myself for not trying before now. Ugh I'm frustrated.

I'm still at 185.4 and I'm happy with that. I really hope I make my 20lb/10% goals this week. That would be a nice treat to help compensate for the failure I'm feeling.
 
Back
Top