The 250 Pound Journey

To be Skinny or Curvy?

I found a thread started in the before and after picture section asking people to post pictures of what they want their bodies to look like. This has actually been on my mind a lot as I've been trying to decide what my goals should be in this body transformation journey. As an ex-plus size model I have such an affinity for the curvy female form, and as a bisexual woman I've always been very attracted to voluptuous girls, even big girls. So this has played a big role in my desire to be soft, rounded and curvy.

But then another side of me has a very strong and powerful desire to be thin, even to the point of a tad skinny. Part of me wants to be tiny. I want to have thin arms that I can almost wrap my hands around (and I don't have big hands), I want to have lovely collar bones, and thighs that don't touch. I want to be delicate and small.

The internal battle in me shows no sign of letting up, and I don't know what I want more. Part of me wants to be tiny part of me wants to be curvy, but my brain screams "Reality check! You will NEVER be small!" And I want to defy that voice and prove it wrong. I want to prove my family wrong that believes I would never be anything besides big. I want for the first time in my life know what it's like to be the small one at parties and family functions.

And still the battle goes on.

Sometimes I really want to be really thin:


And other times all I want is to have soft voluptuous curves:


I feel really torn about the way I want my body to be. Do any of you have this internal war going on?

Am I just a crazy person? lol
 
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I actually prefer the body of the 2nd model. The first one is too skinny and doesn't have enough curves. The 2nd model is beautiful. I think that I have always been more jealous of big girls that look good than of skinny girls. There is something extremely appealing about a beautiful, condident big girl.
Probably perfection would be somewhere between the 2 girls.
 
Firstly, HURRAH on the 30lbs loss - what an achievement! Well done!

Secondly, I'd go for somewhere in the middle too - I've always wanted to be athletic, a little bit boyish but with some curves too...probably around a UK 10-12 would be my ideal.
 
eyckmans said:
I actually prefer the body of the 2nd model. The first one is too skinny and doesn't have enough curves. The 2nd model is beautiful. I think that I have always been more jealous of big girls that look good than of skinny girls. There is something extremely appealing about a beautiful, condident big girl.
Probably perfection would be somewhere between the 2 girls.
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I guess "perfection" is something that is really undefinable as human beings have a wide range of what they find beautiful and "perfect". For me, I'm just trying to figure out they type of body I ultimately want to shoot for (though of course there will never be achievement of a "perfect body" no body is perfect). I just wish I could get a better handle on my own desire for the body type I want, but I think it's about going until you feel "right" in your own skin.
 
jjjay said:
Firstly, HURRAH on the 30lbs loss - what an achievement! Well done!

Secondly, I'd go for somewhere in the middle too - I've always wanted to be athletic, a little bit boyish but with some curves too...probably around a UK 10-12 would be my ideal.
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Thanks, jjjay! :D Yeah, I knew 30 pounds lost was coming up but the reality of seeing those numbers on the scale gives such an odd bag of mixed emotion for me. Now I'm looking forward to 50 pounds gone! lol :) It seems like so much but when I think of how far I have to go...whew..It's exhausting just thinking of how far I have to go compared to how far I've come. Oh well, one step at a time, one day at a time. :)

You're right, the athletic look is also beautiful. I guess when it comes down to it though I just don't want to look "average", you know? lol I want to be either thin or a little on the plump side. Average to me screams mediocrity. I guess that's something I'm scared of. lol Thanks for the encouragement, hon! :)
 
As a guy, I think the second model looks sexier/healthier. Skinny girls look too frail to me. A curvy woman looks strong, confident, powerful.

My 2 cents :)

:lurk5:
 
Flumes said:
As a guy, I think the second model looks sexier/healthier. Skinny girls look too frail to me. A curvy woman looks strong, confident, powerful.

My 2 cents :)

:lurk5:
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Yeah, and you aren't alone in that. In most poles done on men asking about the body size they prefer it's hands down always the curvier girls that get the most votes. Oddly though, so many women want to be uber skinny. There is definitely a difference of opinion between the sexes about what is most attractive, and I think that has a lot to do with how plumper girls are portrayed in most of the media aimed at women - or rather how they rarely are portrayed at all in the media that is aimed at women. Most ads, tv shows, and movies aimed at female audiences show almost nothing but ultra thin women. It's really sad.
 
Shrinking on Vacation

I leave for vacation in about 2 hours. I'm doing some last minute packing and thought I'd jump on here for a quick update:

I'm down three more pounds since last update, yay! I'm cruising at about 3 pounds a week, I probably need to try and slow it to 2 lbs a week (as most doctors say 1-2 lbs a week is healthiest), but it's been hard for me to "slow it down". Though seeing as I'm going on vacation the slowing down part is probably not going to be much of an issue for a while. In fact my boyfriend has so many restaurants planned out for the next 9 days :reddevil: that I'm so scared I'm going to gain a bunch of weight. :ack2: He's looked up the 4 and 5 star restaurants along the way and is trying to fit as many in as possible. This is a dieting person's NIGHTMARE! Please please pray for me ...You probably think I'm kidding. I'm not.

But I'm bringing a lot of fruit, some nuts, low cal sandwiches, and 100 cal snack packs for the trip so that maybe we can have some mini-meals and not eat out so much. I plan on taking my food journal along with me and I'm praying that all the hotels (we'll be staying in 5 different hotels along the journey) will have internet so that I can log my food online and keep track of my calories. This is by far my biggest challenge to date as far as my weight loss journey goes. I'm actually scared, though I'm trying to hide it from my boyfriend as much as I can. I don't want to ruin his vacation.

So anyway, I'll be gone for 9 days so I probably won't get a chance to get on here and keep up with you guys until I get back. You all have a great week and pray for me to not gain any weight over the next 9 days.

Talk to you all in a week or so. :waving:
 
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I'll say a little prayer for you. I know vacations can be really hard on a diet. You've been doing soooo good though...I think you're going to do just fine. Try to remember to have fun on your vacation!!! Ya lucky bug! :)
 
Have a wonderful time and don't stress too much about the food. Try and aim for not putting any weight on rather than losing any and it won't be so much pressure for you.
 
jen_renee said:
I'll say a little prayer for you. I know vacations can be really hard on a diet. You've been doing soooo good though...I think you're going to do just fine. Try to remember to have fun on your vacation!!! Ya lucky bug! :)
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Thank you, Jen. You're a sweet heart. :)

Yeah, I am having fun. Hollywood is CRAZY! The people here are so weird. lol But it's a lot of fun. It's just hard when you eat out twice a day every day for 9 days. lol Though I'm so thankful this hotel I'm at right now has not only good internet but a great fitness center. As soon as we got back to the hotel this evening I spent an hour in the fitness center. I worked so hard! Dripping sweat and indorphins pumping gave me a weird workout high. lol I loved it! :D
 
eyckmans said:
Have a wonderful time and don't stress too much about the food. Try and aim for not putting any weight on rather than losing any and it won't be so much pressure for you.
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Thanks for the advice, sis. :D I'll try not to let it stress me our or worry me too much. It's just so tough to not go over your daily calories when you will be eating out twice a day for nine days. I'm just really thankful that this hotel we're at for the next three days has a great fitness center.

Now if only I could find a scale... lol
 
Well done on exercising while on vacation. It will probably so hectic that you won't put on weight. I have been to Orlando 3 times and we have always eaten like pigs there but the constant movement has stopped us putting on weight. Relaxing beach holidays are much worse.
Have a wonderful time.
 
Have a great time on your vacation! I know first hand how tough it can be. A year ago on my honeymoon, I went on a week long cruise. Cruises are all inclusive, meaning you get to eat anything you want, as much as you want, whenever you want! I put 15lbs on the scale ofter 2 weeks of vacation... Talk about going overboard. Actually, probably would have been better if I just went overboard :p. Anyways, its best not to stress about it. You can reverse the damage after the vaca if you need to. If you don't gain anything, thats a huge plus! Whatever you do, enjoy yourself!
 
eyckmans said:
It will probably so hectic that you won't put on weight. I have been to Orlando 3 times and we have always eaten like pigs there but the constant movement has stopped us putting on weight. Relaxing beach holidays are much worse.
Have a wonderful time.
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Cool! I hope I have the same type of experience. I know we'll be doing a lot of walking so maybe that will balance out all the extra calories *crosses fingers*. lol

Thanks for the well wishes! :D
 
MAR1984 said:
Have a great time on your vacation! I know first hand how tough it can be. A year ago on my honeymoon, I went on a week long cruise. Cruises are all inclusive, meaning you get to eat anything you want, as much as you want, whenever you want! I put 15lbs on the scale ofter 2 weeks of vacation... Talk about going overboard. Actually, probably would have been better if I just went overboard :p. Anyways, its best not to stress about it. You can reverse the damage after the vaca if you need to. If you don't gain anything, thats a huge plus! Whatever you do, enjoy yourself!
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Oh wow, 15 pounds in 2 weeks...that's like a huge fear for me. I just don't want to undo so much of the work I've done. I'm glad you where able to get back on track though. :)

Thanks, hon! Yeah, I definitely plan on enjoying myself... maybe just not too much. lol
 
Just wanted to say that I hope you are having an amazing time in Hollywood!! Well done on the exercising in the gym on hols - just shows how much its become a part of your lifestyle now!! There aren't many things that we seek out to do on holiday in order to continue our daily routine from home, so a real positive step to having an ongoing healthy approach to life that you still want to go and work out! Enjoy the food though, don't feel guilty about every time you eat out...surely this is hollywood - can you not "get" an eggwhite omlete with steamed wheatgrass and "aroma of bacon particles" anywher?!?!? hehehe
 
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