Taking Back Control (A Diary)

[Loch]

Let's get this started.

June 2009

August 2011

October 2011

November 2011

-- How much weight do you want to lose? 100lbs

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight? As long as it takes.

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? Exercise, and better food choices.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal? Even just one person saying "Keep going!"

-- How realistic is your goal? I want to believe it's realistic.

-- When will you start? If I say I'll start tomorrow, I'll keep saying I'll start tomorrow. I will start NOW!

1. What is your current height and weight?
5'8", 257lbs
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
160lbs
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
200
4. Why do you want to lose weight?
To feel and look good.
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?
No, just for me.
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
Temptation, and my job.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
I have very little energy to do anything but work. My chest always hurts, and my relationship is becoming distant.
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
Cutting out soda, and eating healthier. As well as taking the 30 mins 3 times a week to exercise.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?
I once went from 200 to 160 when I got sick with Mono/Strep when I was 15. I can't do that again, this time I have to work for it.
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?
I took my weight loss at the time for granted, and I grew comfortable in my relationship at the time. I ate without thinking, consuming fast food literally every day. I am the only person to blame.
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?
I have never given any plan more than a week...I'm not sure what will or will not work.
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?
Yes.
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?
No I do not. My meals are usually fast food, pizza, microwaved, or made by my boyfriend. He makes pasta, roast, or steak.
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?
I go out everyday. Tim Horten's, McDonalds, Burger King.
15. What are your three favorite foods?
Beef, Chicken, and Potatoes.
16. What are your three favorite restaurants?
Burger King, Smitty's, and Bonanza.
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
I can cut out the junk (fast food). I can stop drinking soda, and I can count calories.
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?
I would no longer have a large butt, a slim stomach, and no double chin.
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry?
Sometimes.
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
Yes.
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
No.
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
Yes.
23. Do you eat as a reward?
Yes.
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
Yes.
25. What do you normally eat for a meal?
Fast food.
26. What type of snacks do you eat?
I don't typically snack.
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?
10 mins on an exercise bike maybe once every 2 weeks...
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
I have a gym membership...but I didn't want to walk the half hour there, and I didn't have anyone to go with, so now I have a bike at home.
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?
Biking, jogging, and strength training.
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?
I honestly don't know...I think I may keep monthly photos of my body, and hopefully make friends and gain support where I can get it.
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals?
When I get to 200 I will buy myself a new outfit, when I get to 180 I will go to the best restaurant in my city for a nice meal with my boyfriend. Once I get to 160 I will buy a bikini for the first time and go swimming in it.

This is the start of my journey and I welcome you to read and take part. I hope that I can gain support here, encouragement, and motivation. These are the things I need to succeed, and I believe that to be the missing link. I want to change eagerly, and become healthy for myself and for my loved ones. I will try, and try again to keep myself on track. I will not berate myself if I drink a can of coke one day, but I will write about it and contemplate why I did it. It will be ok, and I will do this!

Thank you for reading this, and replying if you do. You may not know it yet, but it will be very much appreciated.

 

[Loch]

I'm feeling hungry, and the truth is that my apartment is scarce for food. My days have been filled with fast food and take out. I have some money and have decided that I'm going to buy a few things to eat, mainly some vegetables for snacks and something healthy for suppers.

The only cruddy thing is that I'm not supposed to eat past 8pm, right? I usually don't get home from work until 8pm, or 11pm and I stay up until 4am. My boyfriend also comes home late, and we tend to eat around midnight.

I may have to change that, eat at work and go to bed at a decent hour.

I know this is my change, and my choice, but I want him to lose weight...I feel bad because he has gained a lot of weight these last two years with me. Do I force him? Do I beg him? Or do I just do my own thing and hope he joins me?

I have a 2L of coke in the fridge, and I stood looking at it with thirst. I feel like an alcoholic, aching to taste that bubbly liquid on my tongue, but it's evil. I should dump it down the sink, but then I tell myself that would be dumping $3.00 down the drain. I always fall back into the hole by saying, "Oh this will be the last bottle." It won't be, it will be the end of my plan, my diet, my change.

I poured myself a cup of tap water loaded with icecubes. I felt...proud. I'm still somewhat hungry, so I will scour my cupboards for something good. Oh! I just remembered I have frozen vegetables, perhaps I will have those.

I'm going to draw a piggy on my right hand, so that when I'm out and hungry, it will remind me not to buy fast food. I think that will help.

 

[Loch]

I kind of fell off the wagon, and I felt horrible! I won't give up, I have to keep trying.

I talked with my boyfriend, and we went through the things we would do if we lost weight. One of the biggest things for me, and probably for him, is our sex life. It has plummeted and I bet it's due to our weight gain over the last year.

He has agreed to join me, and together we will try hard to get these lbs off. We both need this for a healthy relationship, and a healthy lifestyle. I'm very excited that we're going to do this together.

I may keep slipping up, but I know if I keep trying I'll finally do it. I'm not doing too badly, but I need to stop going back to the soda. That is the hardest part for me.

Back to the drawing board for me.

 

[Cord the Seeker]

The only cruddy thing is that I'm not supposed to eat past 8pm, right? I usually don't get home from work until 8pm, or 11pm and I stay up until 4am. My boyfriend also comes home late, and we tend to eat around midnight.

I may have to change that, eat at work and go to bed at a decent hour.

I know this is my change, and my choice, but I want him to lose weight...I feel bad because he has gained a lot of weight these last two years with me. Do I force him? Do I beg him? Or do I just do my own thing and hope he joins me?

I have a 2L of coke in the fridge, and I stood looking at it with thirst. I feel like an alcoholic, aching to taste that bubbly liquid on my tongue, but it's evil. I should dump it down the sink, but then I tell myself that would be dumping $3.00 down the drain. I always fall back into the hole by saying, "Oh this will be the last bottle." It won't be, it will be the end of my plan, my diet, my change.

Hello, Loch, and welcome to the journals!

It doesn't really matter so much when you eat, although you may well feel better if you go to sleep at a more 'normal' hour, get adequate sleep, and eat your final meal well before bedtime.
I'm going to guess that if you go to sleep at 0400, you probably aren't getting enough sleep.

Good that you want to bring your boyfriend along with you. Most likely he will come along with you as he sees the effort you are making and the results it produces. You can't force it, though, that never works and will only strain the relationship. What you can do, however, is insist on healthy food in the house and healthy meals when you eat together. That's only fair.

Cola was my biggest vice as well, and when I started this journey I just stopped drinking it. In the last 3 months I've had it twice. I actually keep a couple of cans at work and at home just so that I can say "If I wanted to I could drink it, but because I have that option I am choosing not to." It's strange, I know, and probably doesn't work for everybody.
I understand the feeling of 'throwing money away' by tossing out the unhealthy stuff. But ask youself this: what is the bigger waste - to throw out that bottle of coke (and therefore $3), or to pour all that sugar and chemicals down your gullet?
Pretty easy choice when we put it that way, right?

I wish you success in reaching your goals. If there is any way I can help, just ask.

 

[Loch]

Thanks for your post. Your advice is helpful.

It's nice to get someones opinion, and I hope to post many more times here with much progress.

 

[Shinsplint]

Hi Loch and welcome!

Well done on your breakthrough decision! You are doing something you will never regret. I was very impressed with your first post; you seem someone very mature and level-headed. I'm sure it won't be too hard for you to reach your goals.

The soda is definitely addictive. I used to drink Pepsi with every meal, even toast. I couldn't do without it. I finally had to because I got ulcers. But I only drank it in the first place because I didn't like the taste of tap water, so I now drink bottled water. Have you considered pouring a glass of ice water and adding a slice or a few drops of lemon? It really makes a difference and gives it that nice tangy edge like you get with soda. Also, have you ever tried mineral water? That could be a nice replacement and you can dilute it or add fruit juice flavourings to taste.

Just some suggestions for you. I hope it's not too hard for you to kick the addiction!

Cheers!

 

[Loch]

I'm back!

I decided that I'm going to get myself "ready" to go to the gym. I'm going to exercise on my exercise bike for 15min a day everyday until August 1st, then I will go to the gym for an hour 3x a week.

I have had the membership for almost a year and only used it for one month...I really would like to put it to use, and if I end up making exercise I a habit I'm going to stick with the gym and keep my low fee going.

I'm still drinking soda at home...but I don't at work. I made it a goal/rule not to drink soda while working, it's very tempting, but it doesn't really get rid of the thirst when I'm working anyway.

I used to drink crystal light a lot, I wonder if it's still good for weight loss? I may go back to that, or just stick to water!

Soda is evil lol.

 

[Loch]

Well...it's been two years since I last came here. I just...sort of lost motivation, and I gave up on myself. So much has happened, and all I want now, more than anything, is to lose this weight.

My boyfriend proposed to me, and he moved to another city for school (2 hour drive away) I stayed to work, to pay for his schooling, shortly thereafter I found out that he cheated on me with a girl he had already cheated on me with, as well as his best friend. A lot of hardship later, I finally ended things with him in January. I've never felt more upset with myself, and with the last 3 years. He constantly hurt me, and I constantly forgave him.

I've met someone else, but my self-image, and my fear of being hurt again has made things difficult for me. I've been trying, again, to get into a healthy lifestyle. I'm focusing on myself first, and everything else second. My boyfriend knows this . He's very supportive.

Thus far, I've gone down from the 257lb to 241lb. I tend to go up and down, but, I'm not going to obsess over the scale.

I rejoined Curves, I burn about 500 calories there (I have to walk 30 min there and 30 min back, plus exercise for 30 min). Lately I haven't been going, but, I'm always telling myself that I'll go when I'm ready. This isn't a race. I'm making small changes, and I'm doing well.

I've changed my diet. I'm still off the soda (if anything I'll have 1 can a week). I drink water, Crystal Light, and Fuze. My meals are smaller, but, spread throughout the day. I'm eating breakfast now as well. I've found that counting calories have really worked well for me. All I have to do is stay below my calorie intake for the day (1600).

I plan on taking some pictures later tonight, and I'm going to keep telling myself I can do this. I may have been gone, but all that matters is that I keep trying. I hope that it's okay for me to reuse my old thread .

Any and all comments are welcome!

 

[Irishprincess]

Heya lovely,
I just read your entire thread
I too used to be a fellow addict of fizzy drinks. Not a day used to go by when i wouldn't down a 2L bottle of coke or 7up. Well those days are gone. I now drink water which i love and if i feel like something that has a taste i go for a can of diet coke only 1.5 calories for one can!! Thats amazing when you compare the real stuff which is like 130 calories per can.

Well done on dumping that pig and finding a new better beau Also losing 16 pounds is a huge achievement so well done!!! I know you can do this pretty lady!xoxoxo

 

[Loch]

Thank you . I wish you luck, too! I feel so much better cutting out the pop. I drink so much water now, I even prefer it. Soda just makes me feel so run-down. Yuck.

 

[Irishprincess]

You're welcome dear Yeah i totally agree with you, i love water now, the taste as people say ' you just cant describe it'

I just want to give you one piece of advice hun, so you will stick to this plan for good this time.

My golden rule is: Write in your diary everyday, it helps so much believe me, it keeps you focused and makes you remember the reasons why you want to lose weight. Writing in my diary has helped me so much. I've been on my diet for nearly 2 months( im 20 and its the longest diet BY FAR i have ever been on). I honestly feel like if i didnt have this website i would be FACKED. haha

Anyway i have a feeling you are going to do great this time hun and lose all the weight am i right? YES Girl power all the way xoxo

 

[Loch]

Well I'm back to post =D.

I weighed myself, back up to 243. I went out on the weekend to a lake with Andrew (my boyfriend). I sort of...spoiled myself. We had Wendy's on the way there, and then I had a lot of chips, and junk food. We had Dairy Queen when we got back. So it was a bad weekend as far as food goes. Back on track though! I'm definitely not going to eat any fast food anytime soon.

I think I'm going to ask my mom to stop cooking for me when I get off work. I usually work the 5:00 P.M. - 11:00 P.M. shift, and she'll make me something. Anything from stir fry to steak. I have no idea how many calories are in the food she makes, and I just feel so guilty and so...fat, afterwards. She makes a LOT of food, too. I find it hard to only take some of it, when I know she only makes it for me. I learned early on never to waste food, to eat everything on my plate, and it makes it hard for me to cut back when people make me so much food. So, I might gently suggest to her that I cook for myself. I'm not very good at it, but, I can cook soup! And it's only 150 calories.

Today I got up late, wanted to go to the gym, but argh I always sleep in! I go to bed early, only to turn over and turn off my alarm and sleep til 3:00 P.M. . I'll keep trying. I can't just give up. Anyway, I got the morning shift tomorrow, so I have to get up early anyway!

The thing with my gym is that it's open 6:00 A.M. - 1:30 P.M. and closes until 3:30 P.M. - 9:00 P.M. I usually work at 5. So I have to get up at 11:00 A.M. and walk there, exercise, walk back so I can get ready for work. If they weren't closed for two hours after lunch it would work out so much better. Ah well. With the morning shift I can head over there after 5:00 P.M. and hopefully get in a work out.

Anyway, I've decided to get my weight loss vlog up again. Soon...maybe. I'm going to make a weigh in day, probably Wednesday, since that's usually my day off. I like to weigh myself every day, but, sometimes that's unreliable.

Maybe I'll post again later! For now, that's it .

 

[+sanniiie+]

Hey =)

Knows your mother from your plan to lose weight? You could cook together, its also better for the relationship between you and your mother. You can search for tasty recipes with low calorie and then you can try it together. Maybe she doesn't feel affronted. And you have the chance to learn cooking not only soup.

Weight once a week is a good idea, I couldn't but I have the greatest respect for you if you make it.

Please have pity for my bad english. I'm from Germany and I try my best

I'm very glad that I've found this page because so I can improve my English and I also exchange ideas with other people who are willing to lose weight, like you. This is highly motivating.

have a nice day!!

 

[Irishprincess]

That sucks about the gym situation. My sleeping pattern is all over the place too I know how you feel about mom making you food too. Awhile back i had to tell my mom kindly that the food she makes for my dinner is too fattening for my diet and from now on i'll make my own food. I tried so hard not to hurt her feelings, and i think i succeeded with that so i was happy.

Forget about those chips in Wendy's! we've all had our days when we just cant resist the bad stuff!!

Anyway your on the road to a better healthier you, so just keep up the hard work

All the best lovely xoxoxoxoxo

 

[Loch]

Thanks for the replies, guys . It really means a lot. I'm proud of myself so far! I think I'm finally making the right choices.

The other day I visited Andrew, I had only had a pack of baby carrots after waking up...and I was hungry, but I had to rush. We then had Dairy Queen for supper, then I came home and I don't think I ate anything else. I felt bad...not only did I eat very little earlier on, but I had DQ. However, it was under my calorie goal. Even so, I plan not to do that again.

Yesterday I ate a good breakfast, but my coworker forgot he was working at the store I was at. By the time my shift ended I was hungry (I usually have snack, then lunch at 3-4). I didn't have my lunch because I was going to buy a sub from next door. I was working alone so I couldn't go. Andrew came to pick me up...and I didn't get home til 9pm. I eventually had some stir fry. Thankfully I got groceries now!

Today had been good. Back down to 240. I took some "before" pics that I'll put in the main post. It's going to be a long road...But I got a bike! My boss owned me a bike for doing some work for him off the clock. I'm gonna get the tired filled, get it looked over, and bike a bit. I also rented "The Biggest Loser" on the XBOX360 Kinect. Maybe it'll be fun?

That's all for now. Taco's tonight!

 

[tetemcg]

Loch I have days like that alot ...we get so busy then I forgot that I haven't eaten...then its fast food or pizza....all you can do is try to burn those calories and learn from it!! you are doing great and you should be proud!!

 

[Irishprincess]

Ugh that sucks you had to wait the entire day to eat something. Poor you!!


Also congrats you are doing so well, i want a bike!! Make sure you tell us how it goes!

"The Biggest Loser" on the XBOX360 Kinect? i never heard of that i hope its fun hun, keep up the amazing work!!

xoxox

 

[Loch]

Thanks guys!

I'm proud. I've been sticking to this diet, and keeping my chin up. It's hard, it's very hard, but I want to feel good again.

What I'd love to do is dance, and take up kick boxing. I always daydream about that. It would be so great! I love irish dance (unfortunately my city doesn't seem to have a dance studio for it). I might take up hip hop dance eventually .

I weighed myself today, and I was at 239.

I decided that I'm going to consider my new weight loss journey from when I started anew, July 16th. I get a little nit picky when it comes to dates and tracking stuff...anyway! That means 10lbs lost since I officially started this thing over.

I'm hoping for another 10lbs in another month. I'm going to take pictures once a month .

Andrew is going to the event we have here in town called the Exhibition, it's like a carnival with rides, food, and games. I have to work, but he offered to get me something. I asked for butterfly wings, which are deep fried potato slices like chips. I'm going to make sure to count it in with my calorie intake if he does bring some ^^.

I tried the Biggest Loser on the kinect. It was really fun, and not too hard. It scans your body, and you put in your weight, and the coach encourages you. It tells you when you're doing the exercise right, and what to improve on. It also tells you how many calories you've burned. The only problem is that I have very little room in my living room. The kinect on the xbox360 requires, usually, 7 feet between the sensor and the person. So I might see about taking a TV downstairs and my system, and doing it there. That way I don't make the floor squeak either! I can see myself doing this every day.

Anyway, back to work. Maybe I'll post later .

 

[MLB]

great job on losing those 10 pounds loch, and be carefull of those chips, they are evil dressed up as adorable bunnies.

How are the workout for the biggest loser??? do they feel challanging enough?

 

[Loch]

Andrew stopped by, he couldn't find those Butterfly Wings (I was actually kind of relieved). He let me have a bite of his "Spudnut" which is like a doughnut. So, it was like, 30 calories xD. Very bad! But I didn't want a whole one. I really, really wanted a chocolate bar, or a Red Bull today. I was so grumpy, but, I ate my lunch and drake my water! One would lead to two, and so on, so I want to be careful. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a treat. Perhaps a treat day?

So I'm at 760/1600 so far. Tonight I'm having steak, with green beans and boiled potatoes. Should be about...650 calories in total? Not too bad, at any rate.

I only got an 8 min workout in since the thing kept messing up due to me having not enough room. In 8 min I worked up a sweat, already felt a bit of a burn, and I apparently burnt 26 calories. I think it'll be worth it!

I only rented it so far, for a week, I'll see if I can stick to it (I'm lucky I work in a video game store, I can rent it for free haha). I'll let you know how good it is once I move it downstairs and have a real workout .