SunnyDay's Diary

i need help!!

i did get up this morning and do my yoga booty, i refuse to let myself skip it. but i'm EXHAUSTED :sleeping: not from the workout. it was great. i'm so tired because i went to bed last night at 945 (earliest i have in years) because i was so tired, but then my brother called me at 1045 and needed a ride home (he lives with me). so of course, being the sucker that i am, i got up and went after him. i would say i probably didn't fall asleep last night till nearly midnight, which isn't actually unusual for me, but i'm trying to get more rest. then my sleep was fitful and i was up again at 630 doing yoga booty. anyway... the point is i'm really tired and sluggish today. it was sunny earlier which always boosts my mood and my energy level, but now it's getting pretty cloudy. i did really good with my eating at breakfast and lunch, but now the ruffles in the pantry are calling my name. i'm not hungry and i know it. i'm just feeling really.... *blah* and i don't know what to do about it. if i'm not careful i know i'm gonna be elbow deep in chips and god only knows what else.

OMG!! as if i wasn't having enough trouble... they're showing old episodes of the biggest loser on the style channel so they are on in here and i turn around and what do i see?? stupid (ok i don't really think he's stupid) skinny bob the trainer going around the house where they have all the "temptations" set up and eating some of everything! :drooling: it's killing me!!!

my kids are fighting like cats and dogs. they don't wanna play or go outside or anything. they won't even keep their clothes on! they were all fully dressed and now they're running around in their underwear. actually now riley is crawling across the floor telling me his arms and legs are broken so he can't walk. he says "now i can't exercise with you mommy because my broken arms and legs won't let me" :rotflmao: he's so pitiful... or he would be if i didn't deal with his drama EVERY day.

i guess what's really going on here is i'm on stress overload and i don't know what to do about it. i'm afraid i might binge, even though right now i'm conciously thinking about it and i know it would be a mistake. geez this is hard stuff.


on another note... is it even possible to lose weight with exercise alone or with minimal diet changes? seems to me like it should be. making a few smart choices and adding at least 30 minutes of exercise everyday to a mostly sedintary lifestyle... sounds like it would help. i dunno.

i'ma go watch biggest loser and hold riley.
 
so sitting and watching tv wasn't the best plan :doh: guess i should have known that. so i decided to go ahead and hop on the stationary bike. made it my whole 20 minutes, heart pumping the whole time. must have been working harder than yesterday cause at the end i'd made it an extra half mile. when i saw that timer hit 20 minutes it was awesome but i said hey, i did that yesterday so i decided to pedal as hard as i could and see if i could get my heart pumping a little more. so i did it super hard until my legs were really burning and i was breathing super fast. it was the pain in my legs that made me stop. i had only rode ONE extra minute. lame. it felt much longer. my heart rate was 175 though. not sure if thats good or bad, but sounds high to me. (hoping that high=good) i sweated a lot more this time than i usually do when i exercise. i wonder why. i dunno. also now that i'm done, (sorry if this is too much information) my menstrual cramps are worse. not sure why that would be either, but it hurts. anyway, i'm proud of myself for getting up and hitting the bike when i was in such a mood that all i wanted to do was sit around and eat chips. :jump: two workouts a day two days in a row. maybe if i can keep it up then i'll actually start to see some results. i've decided that i'm not gonna weigh in again until monday. i'm actually gonna put the scale under the bed so i won't cheat. i'm gonna do whatever the exercise calendar says for yoga booty ballet and (at least) 20 minutes on the stationary bike each day between now and then. i'm gonna do the best i can to watch what i eat between now and then, but i'm not counting calories. it's just not for me. anyway, we'll see how it goes. and as for those chips i was struggling with just a little while ago? while i do want to sit down and rest, i don't even want the chips now. :D
 
It's OOOOOKay... trust me... indulging occasionally is FINE... if you beat yourself up over it... you end up being OVER obsessive and you start letting EVERYTHING slide. My thoughts? Get baked chips..way better than the regular. try to find some organic chips even more! Those things rock!


I have to tell ya... the Biggest Loser was a HUGE motivator for me when it was on last season... I can't WAIT for this new season to start..though..I'm a little upset that Carolyn Rea isn't the host this year! But atleast Bob is back! I got the work out dvd's from seasons 1 and 2 and WOW they're awesome! Hope you're having a great day!
 
i'm so glad you mentioned those biggest loser workout dvds... i was wondering how they are. apparently i'm becoming a workout dvd fan :D and i will definately give the baked chips a try.

had a really bad day yesterday. lots of things were stressing me out. i blew it yesterday first with chips and then later with pizza. i guess it will have to be ok though. so i slept in this morning. didn't get up till after 9. all 3 of the boys were up but i really didn't wanna skip my yoga booty for today so i fixed them some breakfast and then got started. had a little trouble with the 2 younger ones (3 and 2) off and on. riley (he's the 3 yr old) wants to do it with me, which is fine, but he wants to hold my hand while he does it... and isaac (the 2yr old) comes up during the (on the floor) yoga parts and kisses me on the back of the head :rotflmao: it's funny when i think about it, but not while i'm actually trying to do the workout. anyway, i was hoping that today would be better stress wise but i'm afraid it's not gonna be. jake (he's the oldest at 5) has woken up with a nasty cough and a sore throat, and isaac seems to have some sort of tummy trouble. lots of yucky diapers this morning. i hope it's something he ate and not a bug. when those bugs get in our house it's bad cause there are so many of us. anyway, i'm gonna try and make the best of it. i have lots of housework plans for today. for some reason housework seems to cleanse my emotions as well as my house sometimes. i will be hitting the stationary bike later as well. i guess we'll see how it goes.
 
confused again...

so i decided to check out some of the calorie counters and such and now i'm thoroughly confused. apparently i should be taking in about 2500 calories a day and about 1800 for a 25% decrease. so when i saw the number 1800 i was like wow, that's not much at all. but then i went to that fitday food calculator where you put in what you've eaten and it tells you how many calories. first of all- wow it's detailed. so i know that i do really good during the day with my diet and in the evening is when i'm most unhealthy. but i put in what i've eaten so far today and came up with less than 600 calories :eek2: that i have a lot of trounle believing. so then i need to have 1200 calories before the end of the night. which i'm sure i can do. so i'm wondering if maybe i'm having trouble losing because i'm not getting enough calories. i just don't really know. i mean i mess up and eat chips and pizza sometimes but sometimes i try to be really careful. i just don't know. and does it even matter when you get the calories? i mean i hear that it's good for your blood sugar to eat lots of small meals (like every 2 hrs i think) but at the same time i hear the bottom line for weight loss is calories in vs calories out. so what if i ate all 1800 calories in the evening? would that work? i mean i'm not planning on doing that, but i do eat more in the evening than i do all day. i think i'm just gonna continue being "careful" and i'll watch my portions and such in the evenings. also i may try to fit in some daytime snacks everyday. i'm not hungry between breakfast and lunch now that i'm actually eating breakfast, but i do space them 4-5 hours apart. wonder if i should have breakfast... in 2 hours have a small snack... in 2 more hours have lunch... 2hrs then a snack... 2 hrs then dinner. i might be able to handle that if i can just figure out what kind of snacks would be appropriate. hmmm.... i'm gonna think on that for awhile. i gotta get my bike ride in if i'm gonna today.
 
almost ready to throw in the towel

so i waited till this morning to hit the scale, and it still hasn't moved :mad:
i don't understand. i really feel like i'm doing everything right. i read other people's journals and some of them only make smaller changes... only change a few eating habits or only exercise, or even only switch to drinking water. i'm drinking tons of water, exercising twice a day (where i didn't before at all) and making smarter choices with my diet. why isn't it working? i feel like i'm doing it the "right" (read healthy) way, but it isn't working. i feel really good after exercising. physically and otherwise. i'm just getting so frustrated. i mean why bother with the healthy changes if they aren't going to help? all of the unhealthy options are moving more and more to the front of my mind. i would rather be unhealthy and thin than unhealthy and fat. i'm just tired of being fat. i refuse to buy anymore plus size clothes. i think i'll give this way another week. i think that's fair. judging by how quickly everyone else seems to see results i should be seeing some already, but surely by the end of another week. so another week and then i'm going to explore other options.
 
Dont throw in the towel!
You are doing so well and made some huge lifestyle changes
your body is prob still adapting to the changes healthy eating excerise may just be thinking that its starving so holding onto everything it gets give it a few more weeks you will see changes
Good luck x
 
thanks for the vote of confidence, but i really am struggling. i'm not sure how i'll keep myself going, but like i said, for now i'm gonna try.
 
so i asked the why isn't it working question in the "harsh truth" section... and i knew it wouldn't be answers i wanted to hear, but really, wait longer or you aren't counting your calories right? i can't be one of those people that has a scale in the kitchen to weigh food or whatever. i just can't. i thought i was doing so well. i thought i could do this. i can't. i see that now. i can exercise. i can make better choices. i'm just not capable of counting every calorie (and doing it accurately). if that's what i have to do then i'm finished. i'm still gonna give it another week with what i've been doing, but if there still aren't any results then i'm going to have to explore other options.

wow, i'm so depressed. this weight loss thing was supposed to make me feel better. how can i feel better about myself for what i'm doing if i'm doing it for nothing?
 
SunnyDay said:
so i asked the why isn't it working question in the "harsh truth" section... and i knew it wouldn't be answers i wanted to hear, but really, wait longer or you aren't counting your calories right? i can't be one of those people that has a scale in the kitchen to weigh food or whatever. i just can't. i thought i was doing so well. i thought i could do this. i can't. i see that now. i can exercise. i can make better choices. i'm just not capable of counting every calorie (and doing it accurately). if that's what i have to do then i'm finished. i'm still gonna give it another week with what i've been doing, but if there still aren't any results then i'm going to have to explore other options.

wow, i'm so depressed. this weight loss thing was supposed to make me feel better. how can i feel better about myself for what i'm doing if i'm doing it for nothing?
Click to expand...

Okay..I just got the email notification of this..i'm crazy busy today at work...but I just can't NOT respond to this one. First, let me say DON'T give up... you've made the first step...actually deciding to do something about it... and that's just it. You've already started the process. Counting every little calorie down to the number can be challenging. I'd suggest keeping a food journal, whether it be on paper, a word document or in here. Use a place like calorie-count.com or something that you can search for the meals you eat, click "add to log" and it does it for you. Even if at first you start just to see what your calorie intake per day is, instead of using it as a way to make sure you stay under, minght help... It's all about the baby steps! And about the depression thing...seriously, I know first hand what 0 results can do. How much water do you drink daily. It coudl be a number of things that could be affecting your struggle. You could be retaining water, not having enough protein, etc. There's a TON of different things that could be affecting you right now! Don't give up SunnyDay... it's gonna take time. Have you calculated you're BMR yet? If you need help with that, just shoot me a PM and I'll help any way I can...
 
still trying

so i decided to go out and buy a new scale. i knew mine was probably not accurate. so i got one of those digital lithium whatever scales that (supposedly) measures body fat % and body water % and all that jazz. i'm not sure how accurate those numbers are so i'm not gonna put TOO much stock in them, though i can't say i'm ignoring them. anyway, i was very upset to see that my old scale was off by 4lbs. so i'm really at 180 not 176. super depressed about that. i weigh 11lbs more than my sweetie. i am, in fact, disgusted by myself. so it's time to really take charge. i know i keep saying i'm not gonna go on a strict diet. i think i've even said i CAN'T do it. well that's a load of crap. i can do anything i decide to do. i don't wanna do it. i love food. i mean i REALLY love food. but i'd rather miss food than continue to hate myself. and that is really how i feel now. i hate myself. and i've never felt like that before. i know i've said it before, sweetie is one of those "i don't know why you wanna lose weight, i think you're perfect" guys. and i really think he means it. but my negative feelings about the way i look are starting to effect our relationship. especially the sex. i just gotta do something about it. so i'm gonna go on a strict diet. i've kept up with my yoga booty ballet dvds because i enjoy doing them. since i started them i've taken one day off. it was mother's day. besides, i honestly think one day off a week is ok. i've slacked off on the extra 20 minutes of exercise in the afternoons on the stationary bike, but i think i'm gonna get back to it today. and i guess the first step in all of this is holding myself accountable for everything. what i eat and what i do all day. if i know i have to come here and put it in writing that i ate a giant cheesy burrito at la paz or that i took a spoon to the carton of ben and jerrys then i probably won't eat it. and if i have to put in writing that i spent 4 hours in front of the tv then i'll probably get up and find something to do. so... so far today i have done the yoga booty cardio cabaret dvd, which lasted 36 minutes. then i made my bed, straightened the livingroom and bedroom and folded two baskets of laundry. (the laundry in my house never seems to end!) i haven't eaten anything yet, but i've drank (or is it drunk?) 2 24oz bottles of water. sounds pretty good, but i've also spent 30 minutes here in front of the computer with emails and such. so.... i'm gonna go have some breakfast and get some more some stuff done around the house. i'll check back in here in a little while to update what i'm doing/eating. if i wait till the end of the day to log everything then i know i'll "forget" to add some of the not so great things i ate or did. here goes nothing.
 
one meal at a time

ok, so i made it till lunchtime anyway. i finished my breakfast about 915 and immediately got up and got to work around the house. i won't go into boring graphic detail, but sufficed to say i got a lot done, and my stove is REALLY clean. i stayed busy the whole time. some light stuff like picking up toys, but also harder work like mopping and scrubbing. anyway, right now sitting down i can feel that i've been working so that's better than if i had just sat here reading journal entries for 2 hours. so i quit at 12 and fixed lunch for the kids and myself. i got them settled in and then was carrying my plate to sit down when mom showed up. she wanted to borrow a table so i helped her carry it to the car. then we went out back and decided where we want to put a garden. i think i'll get it tilled this weekend (maybe). anyway, she didn't leave till about 1235, so now i'm sitting down to eat. i decided to eat and journal at the same time to cut down on my sitting time. i know it's bad to eat in front of the computer but this is the way i'm doing it for now. so i'm having a gardenburger (100cal) on wheat/fiber bread (60cal*2slices) with mustard (0cal) and pickles (5cal) and (14)baby carrots (40cal). that's 265 calories, combined with breakfast (8oz of 2%milk-120cal and weight loss oatmeal-160cal) brings me to 545calories for the whole day so far. i don't have much as far as frame of reference, but i think that's pretty good. oh and add another 24oz bottle of water to the tally for a total of 72oz of water so far today. i hope that's good anyway. we'll see what happens at dinnertime. i've decided not to confine myself to eating whatever the rest of the family eats. not that they eat terrible things, but lets just say i won't be losing any weight if i keep eating with them. sweetie has agreed to help me prepare the meals... partly just to help, partly to make sure i'm not sneaking too many tastes. i've also asked him to help keep me in check... told him if he sees me heading for the ice cream or potato chips just to ask me if i really want to eat it. he said he didn't wanna make me feel bad. i said it probably would make me feel bad, but i would also probably put it back which is the point. besides, maybe i need to feel bad. anyway, he said he would try. so now my lunch is finished and i need to get moving again. a slight problem i've run into is that there isn't much left to do around here since i kept so busy before lunch. i had planned to take the boys outside to play for awhile this afternoon, but it's started to rain so that's out. i have a few more things i can do in here. then i suppose i'll probably do my 20 minutes on the stationary bike. so i'm happy with how my day has gone so far. i guess i'm just realizing that i have to take control here. i'm gonna keep as busy as possible till dinnertime. not sure how that will go once i run out of chores and get off the bike, but we'll see. i think i'm also going to adopt the no food after 8:00 rule. that way i can be smart at dinner and then not worry about messing it up in front of my favorite tv show with a bag of chips. so as of 1:00-- 545 calories, 72oz water, and minimal laziness so far, so good. :cool:
 
Hello there, SunnyDay!
I read your diary from the beginning and there are a few points I thought I'd like to make here. I hope these help you further on the way you've already taken.
First of all, I'm really happy you didn't quit when you thougth of doing that. You said that you feeling bad made you continue your journey to a healthier you. Sometimes it's necessary to feel bad in order to feel good later. Now that the determination is there, I hope you also remember to feel good about all the good things you are doing to yourself! You are exercising!! Don't worry if you don't see any instant results. Try measuring yourself (waist, thigh etc.) now and then every month or so. If you keep up the exercise you'll be sure to have measurable results sooner or later. Also, do you feel different now that you're doing the exercise? That feeling IS a result also.
Second, you were wondering about the changes in body weight caused by menstrual cycle. This varies a lot, and I can only tell you about my case. I gain up to 2 kilos (over 4 pounds) starting usually about 3-7 days before my period starts. The weight goes down again in 8-15 days. So if my cycle is 28 days, roughly half of the time I weigh at worst 2 kilos more than the rest of the time. That's female hormones for you... :( So if you're not used to weighing yourself regularly and don't know how your body reacts to hormonal changes, I'd wait at least one whole cycle to see how your weight varies, and to get an idea of has your weight really stayed the same or have you lost weight.
Third, I started going to the gym last autumn. I had been moderately active before that, but when I pumped up my exercise level I ended up gaining a couple of kilos in the first few weeks. The weight didn't come off for at least two months but at the same time my measurements went down by several inches. The explanation to that was probably that at first my body got a slight shock from the increase in activity and retained all the water it could get. I probably wasn't drinking enough, so that made the situation worse. Also, I had no idea at the time how much I was eating. I thought I was eating right, but managed to both under and over eat while searching for a solution. The thing that finally helped was really counting, first and foremost the nutrients in my food (protein, carbohydrates, fats, fibre) and secondly, but less interestingly the calories. I found that the biggest problem was the lack of protein and fat in my diet.
I understand your unwillingness to count calories, and I recognize in myself the obsessive tendency towards food, which can be triggered by calorie counting among other things. I find, however, that when I focus on the nutrients instead of calories and plan my eating ahead, I stay sane in both counting and eating.
Counting is also a way to keep the frustration at bay. It's too tough to fix a problem when you don't know where and what it is. When you count nutrients, calories and expenditure from exercise, you know what you can and cannot expect weight-losswise.
And how about taking a nap with your lovely kids, since you have a hard time finding any more chores to do this afternoon... Sleep is wonderful weight-loss tool and totally calorie-free!!! :)
I hope we here can make your way to your goal a little bit smoother..

Juliette
 
thanks so much for your advice Juliette! it's nice to log on here and have some support :)

did what few chores were left (including cleaning out the kids' gerbil cage-yuck!). i was having a little lower back pain, but i decided to hop on the stationary bike anyway. this time i only made it 10 minutes. i was disappointed in myself, but i'm trying to remember, i did my dvd this morning and i haven't been lazy all day so it's ok. well i've decided it is anyway. when i got off and stretched a little the baby (i still call him that even though he's 2) wanted me to hold him so i sat on the couch with him and before long we were both snoozing. i transported him to his bed when i had to get up to pee--- downside to drinking so much water i guess. i came back to the couch, but couldn't get back to sleep. i guess that's ok. i don't actually feel well at all this afternoon. my head hurts and i had a brief (about 60 seconds twice) dizzy spell. i'm not sure if that might have something to do with my (slightly)different eating/activity habits today or if it's just a coincidence. anyway, i'm gonna take it easy now until sweetie gets home from work. then i'll have to run to the grocery and cook dinner. then it will be time for baths and stories and bed so i'll be fairly active for most of the evening once he gets here. oh and add another 24oz of water today for a total (so far) of 96oz. i will check in at least one more time this evening with details of what i eat for dinner and how my evening goes.
 
so i really busted on the not eating after 8 thing, but i figure i should tweak that rule anyway. don't eat just because i'm up and sitting around watching tv or whatever. sweetie had to work late and by the time he got home and i got supper started i had a really bad headache. he said i didn't look good. we are passing a cold around our household this week so i'm hoping i'm not getting that. anyway, we had dinner so here is my breakdown for the whole day:
breakfast: oatmeal (160cal)
2% milk 8 oz (120cal)
lunch: gardenburger (100cal)
2 slices wheat/fiber bread (120cal)
pickles (5cal)
mustard (0cal)
14 baby carrots (40cal)
dinner: baked chicken breast (150cal)
1 cup rice (200cal)
1 cup green beans (50cal)
2% milk 8oz (120cal)
and 112oz water throughout the day... for a grand total of 1065 calories for the whole day. i was shooting for 1400 or less. that means i could have had 300 more calories. by the time dinner was ready i was feeling crappy, i'm not sure if it was a hunger thing or what, but tomorrow i think i'll have a snack between lunch and dinner. but i was satisfied with each meal today. i'm a little concerned about 1065 not being enough. i don't want to hinder my weight loss efforts by not eating enough. my diet for tomorrow will be very similar to what it was today. i think for now routine will be best for me. choose meals (like today) where i know just how many calories i'm eating and stick with them. if i get bored i'll look for recipes or something but for now i'm just concentrating on numbers. it's become very clear to me today that i am in control here. it's just numbers. the number of calories into my body directly controls the number i see on the scale. and guess who controls the number of calories in? me, and noone else. so i've got this now. forget about my "love affair" with food. i'd rather love myself than a cheeseburger. so i'm very proud of myself for making it through today knowing for sure that i've had less calories than my limit and i was fairly active today. i'm not running any marathons or anything but i think i did enough to take myself out of the "sedentary" category. i hope so anyway. so i'm gonna get up in the morning and do my yoga booty dvd and then do it all again. i'm silently wishing myself luck and i think i'll reward myself with a skinny cow :D
 
Hey your nick reminds me of Sesame St theme song lol.... glad u had a good day. u r in control!

wats a skinny cow? low cal beef?:confused:
 
Nice to hear that your day went well!
You were concerned about not getting enough calories. Don't worry if this only happens on one day, and today you'll get your planned 1400. It's not wise to keep your calories on 1100 for a longer period of time as it will affect among other things your energy level and your exercise and mood might suffer.
I'm wishing you a perfect day today! :)
Juliette
 
hey pinkydolly-- it reminds me of that song too... EVERYDAY when i hear the song! i have 3 kids ages 5, 3, and 2 so i hear it a lot! and a skinny cow is a low fat low cal ice cream sandwich... they are soooo yummy and 140cal so not too bad!

thanks for stopping by again juliette-- i'm gonna try and get my calories up a little farther today because i am a little concerned about the negative effects, but knowing that i made it through yesterday with so few gives me a new confidence that i can handle it again today. i think today WILL be a perfect day, thanks!!

so i guess i should go ahead and say i did have the skinny cow last night putting me up to 1205cal for the day. not too shabby :cool:

i slept in this morning (830) but when i did get up out of bed i still did my yoga booty. it was time for the basic workout again this morning (according to their exercise calendar)... it's funny but to me it's the hardest one. made breakfast for the kids and then for me... so here's that
breakfast: 1 egg (70cal)
1 slice of double fiber wheat toast (40cal)
1/2tbsp. light margarine (25cal)
8oz. orange juice (110cal)
for a total of 245cal. i know i'm trying to increase my calories a little for today and yesterday breakfast was 280cal, but that's ok. i'm thinking of adding in a snack or two between meals to help with the total. oh and i'm also at 32oz of water for the day so far. not sure how important the amount of water drank in the day is or if it just matters that i've replaced soda and other sugary drinks with it. either way, i'm floating away on all this water!! so i'm feeling really good about today. i made it through yesterday fine so i'm sure i can make it through today just as well. i'm gonna go get some chores done. i'll check in after lunch.
 
lunchtime!

ok, so no snacks between breakfast and now. a little housework and a little sitting. so now i'm having lunch and this is it:
gardenburger (100cal)
double fiber wheat bread 2 slices (80cal)
mustard (0cal)
pickles (5cal)
lettuce (according to fitday less than 1cal)
14 baby carrots (40cal)
1 dill pickle spear (5cal)
for a lunchtime total of 230cal for lunch. add that to breakfast for a running total of 475. woo hoo! :jump: i think i'm doing well. bring the water tally to 48oz as well. i will definately have some kind of snack before dinner time since my calories are so low so far and i plan to have the same dinner tonight as last night (just with different seasonings). i figure as long as i can stay at least at 1200cal for the day i'll be ok and anything 1400 or less should give me a loss. we'll see. gonna take the kids outside to play tag after lunch. check in again later!!
 
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