Sophie's Diary--Holding Myself Accountable

[jw372]

Breakfast—three small turkey sausages, 60 calories of yoghurt
Snack—Special K bar
Lunch—salmon, 1/3 banana, low-fat oat bran mini-muffin, one ounce cheese, banana Chocopod, two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—soy protein bar (130 calories)
Snack—apple
Dinner—tuna and white bean salad over spring greens, 2/3 banana
Snack—hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar, one slice whole-grain toast with one tbsp almond butter

Did thirty-five minutes on the elliptical machine.

ARGH. Scale keeps going up! It's saying 279 now. I swear I'm not eating a single bite of anything that isn't recorded here, and yet my scale likes to tell me that I'm getting fatter every day! This week has been no worse than the week before, and probably better, in terms of exercise—why is this happening? I'm madly frustrated.

I did a calorie calculation and found out that I'm 300-500 calories below what would be the recommended weight-loss range for someone of my size and activity level. Is it possible that I'm freaking my body out and lowering my metabolism?

I'm not going to make any big changes until after my weigh-in day (or perhaps after my period, since it is still possible that this is water weight), but I'd love any and all advice y'all can offer.

Natalie Jo, I definitely plan to exercise through my period—I can't afford to take four days off!

 

[felici]

... I'm always impressed at anyone who counts calories, since I'm completely incapable...

I lost weight for ages without counting calories, but when I decided I really wanted to, I found my little pocket Calorie Counter book to be the most useful way to deal with it. It might be different for people who live in America though, because there is a lot of online stuff specific to the food available there.

...

I decided that my hot drinks were stealing too many calories. I'm not giving them up, but I am trying to find ways to reduce the sugar content, which is the biggest problem with these drinks. So last night, instead of cocoa, I made ginger milk, which didn't need much sugar to taste good. This morning, I violently tweaked my coffee to have more milk and way less sugar. Hopefully this will help me with seeing results faster. I'm sure I'll still have the occasional cup of cocoa—but less often.

...

Nice move at controlling the hot drinks. If you have a lot of them, maybe you can pull back the amount of sweetness you use a little at a time - it sure makes it easier if you can get to the stage of disliking the sweet taste instead of seeking it. Not that you should just that it might be an option. When the weather's cold and I want a lot of hot drinks I like to have green tea, because it's gentler on my tummy than coffee, and quite a mild flavour so it doesn't bother me to have it by itself.

...
I feel, like, twenty times better about my eating today than yesterday. Everything I made was so tasty, and I got in loads of fruit and veggies. The awesomest thing, though? During dinner, after eating about half my chicken and all my squash stuff, I realized I didn't want any more. So, despite the undeniable tastiness of my chicken and dipping sauce, I STOPPED. And I put away the rest of that chicken to eat tomorrow. Will probably go fantastically well in a wrap with a heap of romaine.

Also, the chocolate? Was one of the most heavenly things I've ever had in my mouth. Sweets taste so fricking much better since I stopped eating them all day long....

Doesn't everything taste so much better now that you're adjusting to less sweet food? Isn't that such a great bonus we get with this change!!

Heather, that's so awesome to feel like your plan is really working and doable and like it isn't nearly as hard as you thought it would be! I think we started this at around the same time, and I'm feeling similarly. I still get scared sometimes--I think, "Will I never be able to eat 'normally' again?" But then when I think about it, it wasn't my "normal" eating that was getting me in trouble, it was my binging. And as long as I have good, healthy snacks around me, I'm just as happy to put those in my mouth instead. Sure, at times I'll have splurge meals, but not too often. The habits I'm afraid of losing aren't the ones that made me happy, they're the ones that didn't--the compulsiveness and eating even of food I didn't particularly like. It's just my emotions that are still not quite in gear, but they're going to be, I swear it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I completely understand how you feel. We're doing amazing things!

Oh this is the post (in Heather's diary), that sent me looking for your diary!! I just liked this a lot because I've felt so much like this myself!!

As far as the calories go - I would not freak out at this stage. Weight loss is not an exact science. There are some things we can be sure about and others where a bit of individual trial and error will be needed. If you are very overweight right now, then some of the weight loss guidelines you see might be a bit more conservative than you need to be. Getting the calorie intake right, definitely can get more tricky for people who are already at or near a normal BMI. However, there are also a lot of individual aspects to this process. People who have lost a lot of weight and are maintaining a normal weight apparently all do fairly similar things, but the way people get there, can vary a lot.

This thread has a lot of information on that topic.

 

[nataliejo]

Breakfast—three small turkey sausages, 60 calories of yoghurt
Snack—Special K bar
Lunch—salmon, 1/3 banana, low-fat oat bran mini-muffin, one ounce cheese, banana Chocopod, two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—soy protein bar (130 calories)
Snack—apple
Dinner—tuna and white bean salad over spring greens, 2/3 banana
Snack—hot ginger milk with one tsp sugar, one slice whole-grain toast with one tbsp almond butter

Did thirty-five minutes on the elliptical machine.

ARGH. Scale keeps going up! It's saying 279 now. I swear I'm not eating a single bite of anything that isn't recorded here, and yet my scale likes to tell me that I'm getting fatter every day! This week has been no worse than the week before, and probably better, in terms of exercise—why is this happening? I'm madly frustrated.

I did a calorie calculation and found out that I'm 300-500 calories below what would be the recommended weight-loss range for someone of my size and activity level. Is it possible that I'm freaking my body out and lowering my metabolism?

I'm not going to make any big changes until after my weigh-in day (or perhaps after my period, since it is still possible that this is water weight), but I'd love any and all advice y'all can offer.

Natalie Jo, I definitely plan to exercise through my period—I can't afford to take four days off!

Hey Sophie!
Its actually an excellent idea to exercise during that time of the month ..because of the 500 more calories burned. You probably will come back down after it and you might even weigh less the more you exercise ... I know someone who came five pounds under while doing intense exercise during her monthly ... so its all good ...

and as far as your caloric intake ... it might be slowing your metabolism down ..thats what a lot of peeps tell me ..if you cut down below how many calories you are supposed to take in the chance of slowing the metabolism down is higher ..
best wishes hun
and keep trecking
your doing stokingly awesome!

always
your friend
natalie jo

 

[ladyumbra]

Hi there Sph, sorry i haven't been by in a while.

Remember that when you cut your calories you create deficit, as soon as you start exercising you increase that deficit. you're probably burning more cals than you think and while that will lead to weight loss at first it will def slow your metabolism down as soon as it catches on to what your doing. also remember every time you drop a few lbs your BMR goes down anyways you you have to start eating less and working out more to get the same effect.

So now it's time to change your routine up a bit and probably recalculate your caloric needs. Also with TOM coming watch your salt. Damn aunt flo takes every bit of sodium we take in and uses it to hold onto water weight.

wishing you the best
umbra

 

[jw372]

Breakfast—two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half, apple, oatmeal cooked in non-fat milk with two spoonsful of blueberry maple syrup
Lunch—Amy's organic enchiladas (480 calories)
Snack—one cup coffee with ½% milk and two tsp sugar, one slice whole-grain toast
Dinner—three crackers topped with white bean and tuna salad; whole-grain pasta with tomato sauce, a small sprinkle of parmesan, and turkey sausage; spinach salad with one tbsp walnuts, fat-free feta, grapefruit segments, and two tbsp dressing
Snack—navel orange

Did thirty-five somewhat lackadaisical minutes on the elliptical.

I'm quite annoyed about my lunchtime enchiladas—the box said 240 calories, and I was careless—I didn't notice that it was supposed to be two servings, for who'd think one frozen dinner tray was two servings? But they were so delicious and cheesy that I just knew, and sure enough, afterwards I went to look and found I'd eaten twice as many calories as I'd meant to.

Felici, thank you so much for stopping by. I'm definitely trying to refrain from freaking out, helped somewhat by the fact that my scale has returned to 277, which is at least only .2 pounds more than my last weigh-in. *sigh* I read through the thread, and it seems like there's a balance between respecting your metabolism and keeping it active and also remembering that it's all about calories in and calories out. Hopefully I'll find that balance!

Natalie Jo, thanks for the encouragement. I'm trying to keep cool and not start panicking at LEAST until my next weigh-in day!

Umbra, I'm not so worried about water weight as long as it IS water weight. And I have planned to have a slowly decreasing rate of weight loss. Three pounds a week is doable for me right now (except this week APPARENTLY). In fifty pounds, maybe it'll be two pounds a week, and so forth. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm just trying to figure out how much I should pace myself and how much I should let her rip.

 

[a-n-g-e-l]

ooh i wish you would take measurements and realise your hard work is paying off how about trying on a few clothes every now and then that didnt fit perfectly before. might surprise you. anyway hope you stop freakin out lol and feel better soon...you are doing a great job you know. have a good weekend

x

 

[nataliejo]

Breakfast—two cups coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half, apple, oatmeal cooked in non-fat milk with two spoonsful of blueberry maple syrup
Lunch—Amy's organic enchiladas (480 calories)
Snack—one cup coffee with ½% milk and two tsp sugar, one slice whole-grain toast
Dinner—three crackers topped with white bean and tuna salad; whole-grain pasta with tomato sauce, a small sprinkle of parmesan, and turkey sausage; spinach salad with one tbsp walnuts, fat-free feta, grapefruit segments, and two tbsp dressing
Snack—navel orange

Did thirty-five somewhat lackadaisical minutes on the elliptical.

I'm quite annoyed about my lunchtime enchiladas—the box said 240 calories, and I was careless—I didn't notice that it was supposed to be two servings, for who'd think one frozen dinner tray was two servings? But they were so delicious and cheesy that I just knew, and sure enough, afterwards I went to look and found I'd eaten twice as many calories as I'd meant to.

Felici, thank you so much for stopping by. I'm definitely trying to refrain from freaking out, helped somewhat by the fact that my scale has returned to 277, which is at least only .2 pounds more than my last weigh-in. *sigh* I read through the thread, and it seems like there's a balance between respecting your metabolism and keeping it active and also remembering that it's all about calories in and calories out. Hopefully I'll find that balance!

Natalie Jo, thanks for the encouragement. I'm trying to keep cool and not start panicking at LEAST until my next weigh-in day!

Umbra, I'm not so worried about water weight as long as it IS water weight. And I have planned to have a slowly decreasing rate of weight loss. Three pounds a week is doable for me right now (except this week APPARENTLY). In fifty pounds, maybe it'll be two pounds a week, and so forth. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm just trying to figure out how much I should pace myself and how much I should let her rip.

Pace yourself slowly hun. Work up to it slowly. When you find you dont lose breath anymore and it seems easy .. make a harder setting ..slowly work up ..otherwise when you hit a plateau ... you might have a harder time making the needle on the scale move ..trust me . I have seen peeps diaries where they have just that problem ..and as you get smaller you will reach even more plateaus and might not lose much each week .. it takes a whole lotta time ..but you can do it ..we are here for you .. never stop ..you might have drawbacks ..but you can do this ..and I am sure you are feeling so good .. I am feeling good myself ..went for a small walk today and got some whistles and cat calls ..feels good to know I am not attracting jeers anymore from last year and now am attracting positive responses even though they are from the jerks down the st. lol

but make your pace slow ..but move quickly on the elliptical machine ..but make it a steady pace of making it harder ..when you notice your routine is getting easier ...build up the resistance ... you will see awesome results than

best wishes
hun
always
natalie jo

 

[jw372]

Breakfast—one cup coffee with two tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half, two ounces turkey sausage, one grapefruit, one slice whole-grain toast
Lunch—six crackers topped with tuna and white bean salad, apple
Snack—soy protein bar
Dinner—(*hides face*) half a cup of milk, poppadums, naan, two mango lassis, lots of tandoori chicken, spoonsful of people's sauce off their plates

Walked for fifteen minutes. Got roped into going out, and…oh, dear. Well, at least today is over, and I didn't drink alcohol or anything.

Oh, God, I'm going to weigh twenty billion pounds tomorrow.

 

[jw372]

Angel, Natalie Jo, forgive me for not responding last night--I was very nearly asleep when I posted. Angel, sadly all my clothes are either loose or have an elastic waistband, so I don't get much feedback from my clothes. Natalie Jo, I know my exercise will definitely need to be tweaked too as I drop more pounds. Right now I'm just focusing on being able to work out for as long as I want to.

And...lost .8 pounds this week. Not precisely what I'd hoped for, but certainly a lot better than what the scale was saying earlier in the week! I'll take it as a qualified victory and hope to do better next week.

Though, sadly, must eat delicious, probably fat-filled savory tart for lunch today as there are no other options at the event I'm attending. Ah, well, there'll be salad with it, and I can make my dinner a light one.

*deep breath* I'm going to do this, and I can. I am not some stupid creature who can't stick to a plan for more than a month. I am strong and determined and every time I fall down (i.e. last night's dinner), I can just pick myself up again and keep on making sure that the majority of my choices are good ones.

 

[heathercb04]

Hey there Sophie.

Hang in there chica!!! I'm gonna be writing about some stuff my therapist told me which is really helping me in how I think about the change I've made for myself. It's kinda a revolutionary way of thinking, and is certainly different than society teaches us, but consider this: your body in and of itself is perfect. It is an incredible work of nature that makes your body work the way it does. It is quite literally perfect. When we diet, we are attempting to fix something that is wrong, when in fact there isn't anything wrong with us. The only thing "wrong" could be risks to health because of what we're putting in our body (ie. fat intake or whatever). I am determined to focus on this as an act of self-love. I love myself and my life enough that I am going to the gym becuase it's fun and I enjoy it and my body feels AWESOME afterwards. I love myself enough that I'm going to put nutritious things in my body to help it work better. And I love myself enough that I am not going to hate myself for a simple number on a stupid scale.

Granted, it's not overnight that my thinking is going to change - but keep saying it to yourself, and you will start believing it!

 

[nataliejo]

Angel, Natalie Jo, forgive me for not responding last night--I was very nearly asleep when I posted. Angel, sadly all my clothes are either loose or have an elastic waistband, so I don't get much feedback from my clothes. Natalie Jo, I know my exercise will definitely need to be tweaked too as I drop more pounds. Right now I'm just focusing on being able to work out for as long as I want to.

And...lost .8 pounds this week. Not precisely what I'd hoped for, but certainly a lot better than what the scale was saying earlier in the week! I'll take it as a qualified victory and hope to do better next week.

Though, sadly, must eat delicious, probably fat-filled savory tart for lunch today as there are no other options at the event I'm attending. Ah, well, there'll be salad with it, and I can make my dinner a light one.

*deep breath* I'm going to do this, and I can. I am not some stupid creature who can't stick to a plan for more than a month. I am strong and determined and every time I fall down (i.e. last night's dinner), I can just pick myself up again and keep on making sure that the majority of my choices are good ones.

Hun, we know you can do this ...
Don't doubt. I didn't think I could in the beginning .. I have actually lost over forty pounds. I actually started at 320 pounds and my ticker says 300 pounds as my start. And I have lost 22 pounds since 300 pounds. You can do this hun... it may take some time, which it will ...but just wait ..a year from now .. you will be telling yourself how hot you are ... you will be excited ... you will be so proud of yourself ..and that .8 is awesome hun!
Every oz counts u know. Some weeks I only lose a couple oz .. u know ..but I still consider it a victory ..because that is less oz I am and I will continue going down. Its best to lose weight slowly, that way it actually stays off

dont give up hun!
We are here for you!
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo

 

[jw372]

Breakfast—coffee with ½% milk, juice of one grapefruit, oatmeal cooked in milk with dried blueberries
Snack—one cup coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Lunch—mushroom and leek tart, green salad with balsamic vinaigrette, six strawberries, lemon poppy seed cookie, coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—salted carrots
Dinner—Beef hotdog wrapped in a slice of whole-grain bread with mustard and onions, borscht soup
Snack—100-calorie ice cream sandwich

Did my strength routine today.

Today actually wasn't too bad, considering everything that was thrown at me. I had a seminar in the morning and then had to come home, quite late, and provide a sympathetic ear for a friend in distress and then write a paper. I wish I'd found time to do my cardio, but at least my muscles are happy.

Tomorrow, however, I shall rock the house since I don't have to do anything (apart from hundreds of pages of reading for next week) and I can work out and get my head straight and clean up and perhaps do laundry. Yeah, my weekends tend not to be too relaxing.

Heather, that's a wonderful way to think about things. I shall do my best to keep it in consideration when I'm beating myself out for not being as far along as I want to be.

Natalie Jo, thanks as always for the encouragement. I'll try to celebrate those small victories.

 

[nataliejo]

Breakfast—coffee with ½% milk, juice of one grapefruit, oatmeal cooked in milk with dried blueberries
Snack—one cup coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Lunch—mushroom and leek tart, green salad with balsamic vinaigrette, six strawberries, lemon poppy seed cookie, coffee with one tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—salted carrots
Dinner—Beef hotdog wrapped in a slice of whole-grain bread with mustard and onions, borscht soup
Snack—100-calorie ice cream sandwich

Did my strength routine today.

Today actually wasn't too bad, considering everything that was thrown at me. I had a seminar in the morning and then had to come home, quite late, and provide a sympathetic ear for a friend in distress and then write a paper. I wish I'd found time to do my cardio, but at least my muscles are happy.

Tomorrow, however, I shall rock the house since I don't have to do anything (apart from hundreds of pages of reading for next week) and I can work out and get my head straight and clean up and perhaps do laundry. Yeah, my weekends tend not to be too relaxing.

Heather, that's a wonderful way to think about things. I shall do my best to keep it in consideration when I'm beating myself out for not being as far along as I want to be.

Natalie Jo, thanks as always for the encouragement. I'll try to celebrate those small victories.

Hey Sophie!!
glad to see your back in the house!
and you sound busy ..wowser! lol I have a lot of cleaning to do myself lol

I know its hard to celebrate few oz ..believe me I know ... but it feels good when you take it into perspective and before you know it ..the scale will jump down!

ttylater hun
love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo

 

[jw372]

Breakfast—one cup coffee with 1/2% milk and two tsp sugar, 1.5 ounces turkey sausage, 60 calories of yoghurt
Lunch—sweet potato pancakes (200 calories), fresh blackberry compote cooked with one tbsp blueberry maple syrup, one ounce ham, one cup coffee with two tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—grapes
Dinner—collard greens and tomatoes, spiced split peas over brown rice
Snack—half an ounce of cheese, eight chocolate cat cookies with low-fat cream cheese
Snack—100-calorie bag of popcorn

Did FORTY MINUTES on the elliptical today! And we're talking a serious, bathed in sweat workout with high-intensity intervals. I am so proud of myself and feel so much better than I have for the last couple of days when I haven't had the time to work out properly.

Natalie Jo, I should be busier than I am, probably, but I'm an inveterate procrastinator.

 

[nataliejo]

Breakfast—one cup coffee with 1/2% milk and two tsp sugar, 1.5 ounces turkey sausage, 60 calories of yoghurt
Lunch—sweet potato pancakes (200 calories), fresh blackberry compote cooked with one tbsp blueberry maple syrup, one ounce ham, one cup coffee with two tsp sugar and fat-free half-and-half
Snack—grapes
Dinner—collard greens and tomatoes, spiced split peas over brown rice
Snack—half an ounce of cheese, eight chocolate cat cookies with low-fat cream cheese
Snack—100-calorie bag of popcorn

Did FORTY MINUTES on the elliptical today! And we're talking a serious, bathed in sweat workout with high-intensity intervals. I am so proud of myself and feel so much better than I have for the last couple of days when I haven't had the time to work out properly.

Natalie Jo, I should be busier than I am, probably, but I'm an inveterate procrastinator.

Hey Sophie!!
That is so awesome!! I am so stoked on your forty minutes!
I plan to do forty five minutes tomorrow ... on a different route I am hoping ..a harder one .. I just hope its harder ..its too easy for me to walk ..u know .. I am going to pick up jogging when it gets in the fifties ..

anyway awesome job hun!!
Keep it up
before you know it ..you will meet your first goal!!

love yas
your friend
always
natalie jo

 

[Invariant]

Yey Soph, way to go on that machine! Don't you feel sexy as all heck covered in sweat?! I feel the most attractive after a really high interval workout. I know that sounds very, very strange, but when there is a blanket of sweat rolling itself down my back, I feel untouchable.

Don't worry about the scale's reading, honey. I don't even use mine because all it seems to do is depress and damper my good moods. If you *feel* thinner and in the mirror, you can see changes, count on those not that pesky needle!

I can tell you out of experience, during my TOM, I gain at least..wow, like...three to six pounds of water weight and it takes me about a week to get back down. It's crazy because I *never* feel bloated, and yet I'm retaining SO MUCH water!

I'm sorry that I haven't visited this journal very often. I'll start doing it now everyday, I promise. I'm really interested in your progress and want to offer my wholehearted encouragement! I want to see you succeed chica!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, hon!

 

[heathercb04]

Hey Sophie! Congrats on your 40 minute workout, you kick butt!!! It's an awesome feeling to know that you have pushed yourself to a new level in your workouts, and especially awesome when you are bathed in sweat to prove how much you worked. I'm super happy for you! Don't let that scale bring you down, you are making serious noticeable changes for yourself!

Happy St Patty's day

 

[jw372]

Breakfast—one cup Ovaltine, one slice whole-grain toast
Snack—Special K bar (90 calories)
Lunch—spiced split peas and brown rice, blackberries lightly sweetened with agave nectar, one mini-muffin with low-fat cream cheese frosting, half an ounce cheese, one ounce dried fruit, one balsamic strawberry chocopod
Snack—apple
Dinner—four ounces corned beef, cabbage
Snack—four crackers thinly spread with peanut butter

Twenty-five minutes on the elliptical. I was pretty tired by the time I got home—tired and hungry. I feel like maybe it's good for me to tailor my workout time to how my body's feeling. For one thing, it makes it easier for me to make myself work out if I say, "Well, all right, you only have to do twenty-five minutes" rather than having to convince myself to push past genuine exhaustion.

Natalie Jo, I hope that forty-five minutes treats you well! I know you can do it—we both can.

Rach, thanks so much for stopping by. I can't see a difference in the mirror yet, but I do see a difference in my ability to move and the energy that I have. So something good is definitely happening for me. And yes, I totally understand what you mean about feeling sexy! I think it has to do with being, as much as possible, just completely in our bodies and not in our heads.

Heather, thanks so much for the encouragement. Being able to reach forty minutes tells me how much my body is changing, too—when I first started, just a month ago, twenty minutes almost knocked me out. Now I can do more.

 

[felici]

Congratulations on your progress with the elliptical! It seems like it hasn't been such a long time since you started yet it's resulted in being able to double the time you move. It really is exciting to feel your body becoming more and more able isn't it? Good for you!!

 

[Invariant]

Look at that, you went Irish like me and ate corned beef yesterday! It's amazingly tasty isn't it? I told my dad I was going to eat the whole head of cabbage. LOL.

I definitely understand where you're coming from about doing only what your body will allow you. Sometimes though, in the middle of a workout, we feel like going more, and I think that's really how we push ourselves. We say "You know what, I've got this much done, and I can do this much more. I'm halfway there." I think those are the most uplifting moments. That determination and motivation make us stronger people, inside and out. I mean, if we can accomplish transforming ourselves, imagine what else we can realistically accomplish?

Years ago, we never thought we'd be here now. Speaking personally of course, I never would have imagined being a size ten. Just a year ago this month I was a size 16. Back then, I never forsaw myself where I am now and you know what? It's a pretty darn big achievement. We just have to be proud of ourselves for what we're doing and how much more we can do. That extra push, in the long run, is so much more than just another mile. It's a different mindset, a healthier and happier one.

Hope you're having a good Tuesday, honey!