Shawnna's weight loss diary...

that breakfast sandwich is alot like the one ive been making for myself only mine is more boring.

2 servings of egg beaters (real egg without the yolk. very convient) 30 cal x 2
2 slices of wheat bread 60 cal x 2

total 180 calories.

love the tattoo.
 
WOOOHOOO.... so I just wanted to update! I did a mid-day weigh and it read 159.2!!!!!!!!! I didn't weight this morning, but I am sure it is a little lower since it was mid-day.... :D I cannot say I have been making the best choices, yesterday I had chicken wings, but I did contain myself and only had 10 (72 calories for the ones with sauce and about 65 calories for each one that was the dry rub) and only had like 3 or 4 "buffalo chips" (french fries basically)... but I have stayed within my calories EVERYDAY! I need to get back on my A game and eat right... not just lose weight! I also have not been going to the gym on my own, but I am going to get back on that too!

ANyways, I am officially not "over weight" hooray for me!:jump:
 
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Hey guys still 159.2 this morning... I'll take that! :) I got up early today, no problems. I ate some old fashioned oats, I make it with a hint of non-fat milk, a dab of honey, and I decided it was tasting too much like healty oat meal lol so I added 1 packet truvia which worked out well.

Have class at seven, leave in 10 mins.... JOY.... time to go lose some ass!


OHHH.... and I tried on my size 7 pants last night! I actually got them on!!! I was very very happy, a week ago I could not pull them over my thighs (how embarrassing) In about 10 pounds they should fit nicely and I should be able to chuck my size 10's!! I am NOT keeping those things, I refuse to have a "back up plan" to being thin and healthy... sorry size 10's your services are NOT needed anymore! :)
 
[Decided to delete because when you point a finger you have three more pointing back at you, done with the drama and the excess negativity :) Tomorrow is a new day and I know I will get to wake up and start fresh!]

Hope everyone is doing well...
 
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Wow, I hope you haven't been attacked. I know what you mean as reading around the forum, people can tend to be petty and childish, and that is very annoying. The arguing and things. You just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. Your weightloss progression looks great, especially for it only be a month into it. Can't wait to see your finished tatoo.
 
In the 150's!!!!! Fantastic!

And again...your progress pics really show the changes! Good work!
You are doing soo well. :)


As for the rant....don't let it get to you. Every forum I've ever been a part of has crap....this one is really one of the better ones. Just ignore it.

It would be a shame not havin you around...you got lots of input and can help alot of people. Thats how this place works....when you lose, we win....when we lose, you win! It comes around and goes around full circle.

So don't let the bad apples spoil it.

Hope you have a great nite and lookin forward to a smile!
Take care!
 
Thanks guys, makes me feel somewhat better :) I just don't like that there are people abusing power, members in general acting like ass holes, and other bull shit.

I have deleted many of my threads around the forum, including in the before and after, so everything will be right here in my journal and that's it and I will support everyone in their journals but not on any other threads. The only real threads I will update on is Month of June challenge and the year long challenge, after that no more doing challenges either...

Bummer, oh well.
 
So I am not so heated now, so I guess I can calmly explain my frustration with the forum...

I don't like that people with power can say/do whatever they want to members and have it be okay. That is NOT right, and it truly pisses me off.

I deleted a post earlier, why? Not to block out other peoples words, thoughts, or ideas, but because when someone starts posting off the topic trash to make me seem stupid it IS an attack against me... NOT COOL and completely RUDE. I enjoy having people in the world that disagree with me, but it is when people come in with the "I am right, you are wrong" attitude that really rubs me the wrong way. Instead, they could put down reasons they disagree with me, awesome! Constructive disagreement, that is really great. What is NOT great is someone coming in with stating how things are "stupid" and how your thoughts are one of "the problems with todays society".... No, that is not a constructive opinion that adds to debate, that is just rude and disrespectful, power hungry people wanting to put others down. And I ain't havin' none of that, thanks!

So again, if you don't stand at the same view point as me then that is perfectly fine, give me your reasons if you wish, have a debate with me. But, please for the sake of RESPECT TO OTHERS don't come in with a high and mighty bitch-attude to try and make the other opinion seem off base.

So, I am done with this utterly ridiculous and stupid bullshit... if the people involved want to continue posting on the thread dedicated to it then fine, have at it, but if you really have an issue with it then come to me and leave your rude remarks at the door. We all have freedom of speech, I understand that, you can say what you want however you want it, but the point is that is why there is such a thing as common Courtesy and respect of others... just because you have the right to act one way does not mean your should try your hardest to come off as rude as possible.

Sorry for anyone who has dealt with this, it IS stupid and I cannot believe it is an issue on a place where people are supposed to be getting support from one another. But, it has come to this, so I will post in my journal still and I hope that all my friends I have had around here continue to support me and allow me to continue to support them.

Take care everyone.
 
njoyabl said:
Wow, I hope you haven't been attacked. I know what you mean as reading around the forum, people can tend to be petty and childish, and that is very annoying. The arguing and things. You just hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. Your weightloss progression looks great, especially for it only be a month into it. Can't wait to see your finished tatoo.
Click to expand...

Thanks :) It is water under the bridge now, I am stickin' to where my buddies are which is here in the diary section.

I was supposed to get my tattoo finished in May but... I chickened out. UGH, I have had almost 9 hrs of work done on it to date, and man does it HURT... especially over my kidneys, it makes your entire body tense up and it is excruciating. The hit area was the easiest and that hurt tons :leaving: Hopefully I will finish it in August or September.... cannot WAIT to be done.
 
Oh, I forgot to post...

So as I have said before I have had problems with my eating in the past. Well my last bout was about a year ago, never mentioned that. Right before I had gone to see a psychologist for my anxiety I had started my starvation diet again, I started making a diary. In there (Marked May of 2009) I would list only eating 700 calories a day, calling myself a fat pig if I had more than than. I was 158.8 according to my food journal I was keeping.

I could not believe how negative I was being to myself. I had written I was a pig, I was fat, ugly, worthless, a piece of shit basically and all I could to was cry. How could I have been so awful to myself? I was so disappointed and immediately ripped the pages out and promised I would NEVER get to that point again, and I WONT.

For those that never caught on I was diagnosed with sever depression and generalized anxiety disorder. My obsessiveness with my food was not a result of an eating disorder, it was a result of depression and my feelings of worthlessness. I am in a much better mental state now, and seeing those words on those pages confirms that to me. I am working towards a better me and learning to love who I am... with or without the weight.

So, I thought I would share, because it is related. I was shocked that I let myself get so far down about myself. If anyone here needs someone to talk to dealing with self image issues like that please feel free to message me, obviously I am not a psychologist or counselor or anything, but I HAVE been there. I have been to the deepest, darkest depths and back and am teaching myself everyday how to stay away from those thoughts.
 
You certainly have come a long way! Wow! I would never have thought you suffered from depression or anxiety....not after reading your journal!
Thanks for sharing. You are a wonderful person.
 
Sorry to hear that you've had a rough day or so Shawnnam

:hug2:

Like Flumes, you never came across as that to me from your journal - you got to love yourself hon! How can anyone else if you don't!?!? Good and bad, you only got one YOU!
 
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your past! You really have come SUCH a long way since then!!
I can really relate, also... I have had a few bouts of severe anxiety and depression as well, which inevitably coupled with some sort of disordered eating behaviors like you described. So I honestly do know how hard it is, and I'm so glad you're doing better overall now!!

Anyway, I also agree with you about the forum stuff...there is some questionable posting that goes on from time to time, though thankfully I've not been affected by it yet. :/
Good luck with that tattoo getting done!! To be honest, I actually had never thought about them taking more than one session or anything, no idea how long it actually took! You're so brave and awesome for going through with it!!
 
I agree with the others and that we like your posts around here so keep em coming! You seem to be a completely stronger and confident person and it takes a lot to overcome what you have gone through and to turn that around shows just how strong you are. thanks for sharing your past and I don't think anyone here will disrespect you for that - well if they do we will get em! Congrats on getting into the 150's! How was your workout this morning? Keep it up and have a great day!
 
Hey guys :)

I managed to get on early to post my weight this morning.... drum roll please.... 158.6!!!! w00t! Yes, that is officially less then I weighed a year ago, I feel like I am back on track and there is nothing that is going to stop me!

My workout today was a good one. We did intervals in class, first was bosu different stuff from running on it to doing 1 leg dead lifts off it (UGH) and also the despised burpees...

Then we did a cardio type section, either jump rope, hula hoop (My hula skills are an utter JOKE! lol), grape vines back and forth through the gym, lunges w/ med ball, and squats w med ball through the gym...

Final station was the punching bag... I took yesterdays anger out on that thing. It is really heavy (one of the water filled ones) and I was punching it so hard I thought I was going to knock it over. I have to admit I was thinking about certain things when I was hitting that bag... so to everyone who pissed me off yesterday, THANKS! :D You're makin' me look HOT!

Haha, so it was a great workout, my arms are gonna be hurtin' tomorrow... that's a fact Jack (I know, I am lame... w/e)

Anyway, hope by the end of the month I can be in the low 150's :) I mean I will take 154.9 as low 150's lmao... hey gotta get motivation where I can!

Hope everyone is doing well!

ALSO,

I forgot, this was todays horoscope:

Sagittarius November 22-December 21
You're generally honest, straightforward and avoid hidden motives -- but you think everyone around you is exactly the same way! Where would the fun in life be if everyone were exactly the same? Someone close definitely has an ulterior motive -- and a pretty romantic one at that. If they spring something flirtatious and delightful on you, enjoy the surprise.

Say what, that is SO true (psychics must stalk me), and what is this about a romantic ulterior motive? :p My sweetie must be giving me that back rub I have wanted (that and he must have invented the first zero calorie chocolate, he is so amazing).... haha
 
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chubbygirl said:
I agree with the others and that we like your posts around here so keep em coming! You seem to be a completely stronger and confident person and it takes a lot to overcome what you have gone through and to turn that around shows just how strong you are. thanks for sharing your past and I don't think anyone here will disrespect you for that - well if they do we will get em! Congrats on getting into the 150's! How was your workout this morning? Keep it up and have a great day!
Click to expand...

You and all my online journal buddies are so fantabulous (I made that up, but it describes you all :D and here is a definition- fantabulous; People who are so kick ass and awesome that no other word could begin to describe them.)

:party:
 
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