Sam's Journal
- Thread starter SamanthaMacG
- Start date
- Status
SamanthaMacG
New member
I can't say much has gone on the past few days. Life as a stay at home mom is full of the same old thing but it's fun. Isaac is now loving piggy back rides and Arthur wants to spend time on the plasma car with me on the back - definitely a workout and it's just enjoyable to spend time with the boys. There's 10 days until hubby and I go to Ontario! I'm beyond excited right now - I'm still sitting at 204 lbs but you know what, I'm okay with that. I got down to 200 with the effexor causing a loss of appetite but it's starting to level out and I am hungry at times. I'm still eating healthy but of course, going from no food in my system to having some food (and probably a bit more water) leveled me out. I'm still losing and I'm still trying.
Apart from the diet bet that (as long as I keep the weight off) I've already won, I'm taking a month off. I need a break for a month and hopefully soon, I can start jogging outside. We've had a few good days where we can go out as a family and I bought the jogging attachment to my stroller (new mommas - look into Thule Cheetah strollers - they're amazing!!!).
The depression part of things has leveled out some - most days, I'm doing okay. I feel more level, more like I can catch my breath and I'm not scared that I'm messing up all the time anymore. I still have to take the anxiety meds at times (it's an as-needed medication)...it's hard to judge sometimes but usually if it's a bad day with the kids, it builds up into my body now and my neck/back hurt. At that point, I know I won't sleep as well and that starts that cycle of depression/anxiety.
I'm having a hard time with it though. I hate, absolutely hate, being dependent on this medication and I'm trying to come to terms with it. I know I need it - I'm hurting my family without it (not physically but I'm just not as good a parent or wife). I was in danger of hurting myself or using terrible coping mechanisms to just try to make it through the day. I know I'm better on the medication, I'm happier, more stable - and the side effects are almost nil...so why am I so not okay with it? Probably because I sit here and think "The medication is changing my brain - so am I still me? Am I ever going to not need the medication?" and then I start getting anxious about it and annoyed. Fact is though - I don't know how long I'll need it and while I don't like being dependent on anything - especially something that alters my mood - I know I need this right now and so, I'm going to accept it day by day and when I'm ready to go off it, it'll be a VERY slow process.
I think hubby and I just really need this vacation to recenter. We're at this amazing place in our relationship - like we are getting along well, we are on the same page, we are working together and I love that. We need to have this time alone - no kids and no interruptions. We've only been married 2 years on April 4th - We're newlyweds lol! I'm hoping this will give us a boost of energy and just togetherness that I'm really hoping for. We are also planning exercise while there - first day, I'm planning for a jog and second day, we're going to the zoo!!! Then we'll be at the hotel that has a small gym so I should be able to workout (and there's a pool!!).
Anyways, there's really nothing new going on and my weight loss has plateaued a bit (another expectation) but I'm okay and I'm feeling good. Oh, I did win that other diet bet and got almost 20$ extra on the 30$ bet
That was a nice surprise!
Apart from the diet bet that (as long as I keep the weight off) I've already won, I'm taking a month off. I need a break for a month and hopefully soon, I can start jogging outside. We've had a few good days where we can go out as a family and I bought the jogging attachment to my stroller (new mommas - look into Thule Cheetah strollers - they're amazing!!!).
The depression part of things has leveled out some - most days, I'm doing okay. I feel more level, more like I can catch my breath and I'm not scared that I'm messing up all the time anymore. I still have to take the anxiety meds at times (it's an as-needed medication)...it's hard to judge sometimes but usually if it's a bad day with the kids, it builds up into my body now and my neck/back hurt. At that point, I know I won't sleep as well and that starts that cycle of depression/anxiety.
I'm having a hard time with it though. I hate, absolutely hate, being dependent on this medication and I'm trying to come to terms with it. I know I need it - I'm hurting my family without it (not physically but I'm just not as good a parent or wife). I was in danger of hurting myself or using terrible coping mechanisms to just try to make it through the day. I know I'm better on the medication, I'm happier, more stable - and the side effects are almost nil...so why am I so not okay with it? Probably because I sit here and think "The medication is changing my brain - so am I still me? Am I ever going to not need the medication?" and then I start getting anxious about it and annoyed. Fact is though - I don't know how long I'll need it and while I don't like being dependent on anything - especially something that alters my mood - I know I need this right now and so, I'm going to accept it day by day and when I'm ready to go off it, it'll be a VERY slow process.
I think hubby and I just really need this vacation to recenter. We're at this amazing place in our relationship - like we are getting along well, we are on the same page, we are working together and I love that. We need to have this time alone - no kids and no interruptions. We've only been married 2 years on April 4th - We're newlyweds lol! I'm hoping this will give us a boost of energy and just togetherness that I'm really hoping for. We are also planning exercise while there - first day, I'm planning for a jog and second day, we're going to the zoo!!! Then we'll be at the hotel that has a small gym so I should be able to workout (and there's a pool!!).
Anyways, there's really nothing new going on and my weight loss has plateaued a bit (another expectation) but I'm okay and I'm feeling good. Oh, I did win that other diet bet and got almost 20$ extra on the 30$ bet
That was a nice surprise!Glad to hear you're doing so well, Sam. You know what? Anxiety changes your brain as well, the meds are there to bring it back to its "you" setting. Just because society likes to load a ton of guilt and prejudice onto people who are already struggling doesn't mean it's right. Anyone who tries to tell you that the medication your brain needs to function properly doesn't have your best interest at heart - or that of your family. We don't pile on the guilt when anemic folks take iron supplements, do we? Not even when they only need them on their periods or during times of heavy training.
SamanthaMacG
New member
Thank you LaMaria That's exactly what I needed to hear! You're absolutely right. I need to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend - I'd never shame them for taking antidepressants or anxiety meds so I shouldn't be doing it to myself either
In happy news, I went to the doctor today for a checkup - she is thrilled with my progress and happy with how the medication is working. I have no regrets about taking it and I truly do feel amazing! In other happy news, I got under 200lbs!!! I'm sitting at 198 WOOT! That's 53lbs lost!
So far, so good!
That's exactly what I needed to hear! You're absolutely right. I need to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend - I'd never shame them for taking antidepressants or anxiety meds so I shouldn't be doing it to myself either In happy news, I went to the doctor today for a checkup - she is thrilled with my progress and happy with how the medication is working. I have no regrets about taking it and I truly do feel amazing! In other happy news, I got under 200lbs!!! I'm sitting at 198
WOOT! That's 53lbs lost! So far, so good!
Cate
Long term member
I'm glad your meds are working Sam. There is definitely nothing to feel ashamed about. I have needed anti-depressants quite a few times, but have had to stop taking them because of side-effects. If you have found something that helps you I think that is excellent. Well done hon on getting down under 200. 198! WOOT!!!
53 pounds lost and now under 200 pounds? That´s amazing, Sam, congratulations!
SamanthaMacG
New member
I weighed in this morning at 194.2lbs. I've been keeping strictly vegan so the weight is falling off (plus, started that cruddy time of the month so dropped more water weight). I feel...comfortable - comfortable in my own skin, comfortable getting dressed and not feeling like I need to hide my flaws, comfortable eating within my dietary requirements and within my caloric needs. I feel good
I am in love with the dress I got for the wedding - it's a size 12. 6 months ago, I was a size 22! I really can't say enough about how I feel right now - it's strange. I've never been 'happy' with how I look. Even when I was thin and athletic, I wasn't happy...but now, I am. I've had 2 kids, my appearance isn't the most important thing but being healthy is pretty high on my priority list so that I can be the best mom possible!
I still want to lose about 34lbs and get down to 160lbs but right now, I'm very happy and feeling accomplished. I wanted to be under 200lbs for the wedding - done. I wanted to feel better about myself - done. I wanted to weigh less than my hubby - done!
Thank you everyone for your support! I really am so grateful that I've found this forum. It's been such a blessing on the days when I just want junk! I'm a lucky woman to have people I'd call friends on here and to see other people's successes and journeys. You guys are awesome!
I am in love with the dress I got for the wedding - it's a size 12. 6 months ago, I was a size 22! I really can't say enough about how I feel right now - it's strange. I've never been 'happy' with how I look. Even when I was thin and athletic, I wasn't happy...but now, I am. I've had 2 kids, my appearance isn't the most important thing but being healthy is pretty high on my priority list so that I can be the best mom possible!
I still want to lose about 34lbs and get down to 160lbs but right now, I'm very happy and feeling accomplished. I wanted to be under 200lbs for the wedding - done. I wanted to feel better about myself - done. I wanted to weigh less than my hubby - done!
Thank you everyone for your support! I really am so grateful that I've found this forum. It's been such a blessing on the days when I just want junk! I'm a lucky woman to have people I'd call friends on here and to see other people's successes and journeys. You guys are awesome!
Sunflower_
Well-known member
So happy for you, lovely Sam xo
SamanthaMacG
New member
As I'm sure anyone on my Fitbit can attest, jeez, I have been SUPER busy lately. I logged over 50 miles last week!!! So here's a run down of how it's been going:
1) The Domestic Violence Awareness forum was a stunning success. We had about 15 people and some of the best speakers imaginable. It was highly informative and I'm so proud have done it.
2) I have actually gained some weight but lost inches 2 more inches from my waist and 3 from my hips. SUCCESS! My Dietbet is still going on and I'm sitting around 207 (which is fine because the 190's was because of a super low cal crash diet that I kicked myself out of and it was stupid) and need to get down to 204.7. Lots of walking and eating super clean this month. URGH!
3) I'm doing a StepBet so I have to get at least 7800 steps in 6x/week. I'm in week 4 and going strong, generally getting over 12000 in (apart from yesterday which was exhausting, rainy and I slept).
4) We have a cat. Our terrible neighbour let his ex's cat go outside at night (we have racoons and coyotes around) - we took her back and he gave this excuse of 'she got loose' (right, since we'd seen her outside 3-4 times before this). Anyways, she 'got loose' again and we ended up taking her in, leaving him a note to come get her and he's now gone...threw out his cat stuff a couple of days after we left that note. Her name is Ms. Frizzle and she's currently my favorite child.
5) Hubby has a major work party in late june so I'm hoping to be down to 190lbs by then. It's an achievable goal if I stay on track and really work my tail off. I've been running like crazy and trying to learn how to eat for my body instead of eat everything in the house because I'm so freaking hungry all the time (Seriously, so hungry I thought I might be pregnant because I couldn't get enough food into me).
6) I applied for my Masters!!!!! I'm getting the paperwork together but I've done the application and paid the fee - hopefully, I get accepted!! It's in counseling psychology and it's so needed around here. Fingers crossed!
Apart from that, it's actually sunny out so I'm taking the kids out for a long walk and having a grand old time today! Here's hoping it stays this way for awhile - we're all starting to mold from the fog and rain.
1) The Domestic Violence Awareness forum was a stunning success. We had about 15 people and some of the best speakers imaginable. It was highly informative and I'm so proud have done it.
2) I have actually gained some weight but lost inches 2 more inches from my waist and 3 from my hips. SUCCESS! My Dietbet is still going on and I'm sitting around 207 (which is fine because the 190's was because of a super low cal crash diet that I kicked myself out of and it was stupid) and need to get down to 204.7. Lots of walking and eating super clean this month. URGH!
3) I'm doing a StepBet so I have to get at least 7800 steps in 6x/week. I'm in week 4 and going strong, generally getting over 12000 in (apart from yesterday which was exhausting, rainy and I slept).
4) We have a cat. Our terrible neighbour let his ex's cat go outside at night (we have racoons and coyotes around) - we took her back and he gave this excuse of 'she got loose' (right, since we'd seen her outside 3-4 times before this). Anyways, she 'got loose' again and we ended up taking her in, leaving him a note to come get her and he's now gone...threw out his cat stuff a couple of days after we left that note. Her name is Ms. Frizzle and she's currently my favorite child.
5) Hubby has a major work party in late june so I'm hoping to be down to 190lbs by then. It's an achievable goal if I stay on track and really work my tail off. I've been running like crazy and trying to learn how to eat for my body instead of eat everything in the house because I'm so freaking hungry all the time (Seriously, so hungry I thought I might be pregnant because I couldn't get enough food into me).
6) I applied for my Masters!!!!! I'm getting the paperwork together but I've done the application and paid the fee - hopefully, I get accepted!! It's in counseling psychology and it's so needed around here. Fingers crossed!
Apart from that, it's actually sunny out so I'm taking the kids out for a long walk and having a grand old time today! Here's hoping it stays this way for awhile - we're all starting to mold from the fog and rain.
- Status