Sam's Journal

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Pants-optional date night sounds good to me :D Hope the kiddo will feel better soon and nobody else catches it...
 
Poor Isaac. Hope he gets better soon. I found the kids would get better almost instantly, but everyone else would end up sick for days. Hope you managed to salvage a good night anyway Sam xoxo
 
@cate you called it lol! Isaac ended up feeling better by the end of the day...I was sick the entire weekend!!! Date night turned into curl up on the couch and whine...not even wine. Just whine. Hubby stayed healthy (thank goodness) and let me sleep as much as I wanted - it was pretty awful.

Got on the scales this morning after doing nothing all weekend and am 213.4lbs! I hit my Round 2 dietbet goal (213.8 or 6% of my initial body weight). If I did the math right, and I think I did - I've lost 15% of my body weight since October!!

Hope everyone had a significantly better weekend than I did lol! :) Happy Monday!
 
Well, I'm at 211.8lbs!

I still feel crappy but I've started training with a friend so I'm working through it lol! Going slow tonight and helping her get used to exercise and eating well :)

Awesome feeling!!

Now to get the house clean, supper started and water drank!
 
Man, it's been forever since I've written anything...

I've got a doctor's appointment today to find out what the heck is going on - I'm exhausted all the time. I wake up and I feel like I'm not sleeping at all even though I am. I'm physically feeling like I'm worn out from working out...and haven't been to the gym all week. Add some massive anxiety on top of that and I need some help. I've tried the last month to deal with the anxiety on my own but it's not working well enough - it helps.

My weight is about 213-214lbs and I'm back to vegan for Lent. That's about it. It's a pretty depressing update...sorry about that :(

Hopefully I'll feel a bit better in a week or two and be back to posting a bit more regularly.
 
Sam, this is no good :( I'm sorry things are not good right now - please let us know what the doctor says. It's good you're asking for help xx
 
Thanks guys - we now have a short and long term plan. Basically, I've been stressed out long enough that my brain and body still think it should be stressed hence, I've cycled into a lovely anxious and slightly depressed state. Thankfully, I have dealt with depression and anxiety in the past so it was caught quite quickly (I've been dealing with it for about 6 weeks but the past 2-3 have been a lot worse, a lot faster).

I'm starting a low-dose of Effexor and slowly working up over this month to a dose that will start to help the anxiety and while I'm working up to that dose, I have a 'when I need it' anti-anxiety medication for the really bad moments. I'm feeling better just knowing that yes, there's something wrong and I've been doing everything right to fight against it - but I'm friggin' tired of fighting just to do something 'fun'.

My doctor is great about making sure I'm on board with this plan and scheduling checkups. So far, so good.

Now, to make supper, go fill my prescription, pick up my husband, get to the gym and then, CRAFTING! Arthur's FIRST birthday is the 19th (well, the 22nd but the party is the 19th). It's a unicorn theme - with sparkles.
 
I'm starting to feel better - a couple of days with actual sleep has made a huge difference already. The first day, I took the clonazapam before bed to get to sleep and yep, I slept! I woke up rested and granted, a bit hazy and dizzy but rested!! The Effexor is going to take a lot longer to work. Basically, I need to get up to 150mg for it to tackle the anxiety part of things - which triggers my depression/bad sleep. If I started with that dose though, I'd be really sick so I start with 37.5mg tablets 1/day, then in 3 days, I start taking 2, then in 3 days 3 etc. If I start to feel sick or any other side-effects increase too much as I increase my dosage, I go back down for a day or two longer. By the end of the month, I should be on 150mg/day and not need the clonazapam.

I've already noticed a huge difference in my stress level - in part, because I went and got some help. This, in turn, has helped some of my food cravings go way down. Yesterday evening, all I wanted was pizza (Granted, it would have been gluten free and vegan but still, it was 9pm and I didn't need the extra calories). Instead, I was able to tell my husband not to go out (I'm not driving right now due to being a bit too dizzy) and I'd have frozen grapes instead. Okay, it wasn't pizza but it was still pretty good.

I'm down to 209.2lbs - which means 1) I'm out of the 210's! 2) I've hit NEXT month's diet bet and 3) even when I felt lower than I have in years, I've still managed to lose some weight and stay healthy.

I think it also means that gluten free + vegan is VERY appreciated by my body...my husband even doesn't mind it. Not the biggest fan in the world but doesn't hate it which is all I can ask for right now :)
 
Kudos to you Sam, for listening to your body, asking for help when needed and taking care of yourself. Also: congratulations on the new low!
 
Well, it's day 8/40 for Lent. So far, so awesome! Seriously, I forgot how good it felt to be vegan and to get rid of the gluten at the same time...I seriously feel amazing. My skin looks AWESOME, I'm feeling less bloated and I haven't had any problems with kidney pain or any other icky side effects. Do I miss bread? Not as much as I thought. Even pasta is a 'meh' and I don't eat cereal, malt vinegar or processed foods so this is working out well.

I'm also planning meals that I can store in a cooler for our Ontario road trip next month - I don't really want to get caught hungry, tired and at a truck stop lol!

I'm back to making sure my water intake is higher than ever 100+oz/day and just making sure my calories in are less than calories out so the weight has been steadily coming off.

I still REALLY am trying to get under 200lbs before the wedding. I keep going back and forth on whether or not it's possible. I lost weight this week even though it was the time of the month I usually gain 2-3lbs so that's encouraging...we'll see how it goes.

The Effexor has a nasty side effect right now of making more than a few bites of food turn me nauseous. I've started meal prepping per day in the morning and then eating bites at a time. I'm sure that'll change over time but right now, I'll work with it. It's not a bad enough side effect to make me want to change pills and it's still far to early.

Thankfully, I've been waking up feeling rested, relaxed and amazing! It's like the joy in my life is back - that I'm doing things because i want to, not just because I have an obligation. I'm not hauling myself out of bed anymore - I'm back to facing the day with excitement and that feels REALLY good.

Yesterday, I took the kids for a walk. Oh Isaac, my two year old, is just fun! He walked beside the stroller for almost 1.5km - he was SO excited to see all the cars parked in driveways and even more excited when he got to see some road work being done...we ended up stopping for almost 15 minutes to watch them dig up cement! He was EXHAUSTED after as was I. We did about 4.5km in all (Isaac enjoyed riding in the stroller after his walk-about) then watched Daniel Tiger for most of the afternoon as it started storming again.

Today has been a clean the house (again, and again and again) sort of day. Supper is made for hubby, I've been racing around after the two toddlers and now, I'm taking it easy.

I stepped on the scale and I'm down to 208.8lbs - 42.2lbs gone since October 18th, 2016! Go me!

Off to rest now and then do some additional cleaning! :D
 
Well done Sam. I'm glad the meds are kicking in & you are feeling a bit better xoxo
 
Last night was a mess. An absolutely horrid, no-good, messy mess. My neighbours are true 'peaches' *eye-roll* They were smoking pot in their apartment (not allowed in our building) and it was going into my kid's room last month - of course, there isn't supposed to be a connection between apartments so I called the landlord and got it fixed (fire barrier tape wasn't installed properly) and they were spoken to.

She came to my door and freaked out because I was 'causing problems for her'. I'm sorry? Did I roll the joint and light it for you? Did I MAKE you freakin' inhale? Nope. Your smoke got in MY child's room - darn right, I'm calling the landlord. Yeah, that went over very well with me saying "goodnight" and shutting the door in her face.

Then last night, the boys and I come through into the hallway from outside, just barely get inside our door and he is screaming his lungs out at her and she's screaming back. Isaac - my 2 year old - freaked out, started sobbing and shaking. Um - want to see a good, Christian, Baptist get furious fast? Scare her children in their home. I called the property manager - Danny - and lost my poop. I told him it was basically move us or move them but this is done. They are NEVER going to scare my children again and it WILL not happen. Yelling is going on for about an hour and a half (I'm trying to manage the kiddos, get their supper + make sure this doesn't escalate) and of course, it get's worse. They're slamming doors, throwing bags, and he barges in from the hallway hard enough to rattle the chain so I can hear it through my door - yep, 911 time. By this time, they're yelling IN the hallway too. Nice, right?

The police came - the two had left...and they had their little girl with them. Are you kidding me?????! In front of their kid. Great.

The police stayed around until she came back and talked to her but of course, who has the keys? pretty sure they knew who called (hi) and I'm on the ground floor with a giant picture window so guess who really didn't feel safe?! (hi, again).

My husband, of course, was working the later shift (12-9) so I was home alone with the boys. I called a lovely couple from our church and said I know I'm probably being foolish but would they mind coming to sit with me for the evening because I'm really not feeling that comfortable right now and explained the situation. They are so wonderful and came right over! Bless their hearts!

Danny has said he wants them evicted so I'm hoping this time it sticks. You don't scare my kids - sorry, you're having problems but be respectful of other people or take it somewhere else. There's NO excuse for that. There are 3 kids - not including theirs - on this floor alone.

In other news though, I'm down to 205.6lbs. Yesterday, I forgot to eat much due to running around with the kiddos, switching the car back, and Isaac and I scrubbed the entire apartment floors and walls. Arthur - my 1 year old - was over to the (good) neighbours as they just love having him around and treat him like a little prince :) I got a bunch of housework done and the kiddo's godmother is coming up this evening for the weekend!

So I'm making some black bean, vegan and gluten-free brownies and black bean burgers for supper tonight! Good times :D
 
Screamy, shouty neighbor trouble is scary even without kids in the picture. Glad your landlord is taking it seriously.
 
Update on screaming neighbours - they got their eviction notice yesterday! I'm not happy because I feel bad for the kid - what a sad way to live but I'm definitely thankful they are going elsewhere.

I've been able to keep up with exercising/eating well through all this. I'm finding the Effexor has stopped making me nauseous (yay) AND where my stress level is down, the past 2-3 days, I haven't had the usual cravings (and I'm at that time of the month so bread, salt and chocolate should be front and centre on my mind but NOPE!). I'm up to the 150mg/day dose and haven't had any bad side effects yet. I'm really nervous about being on antidepressants but at the same time, I feel human again.

I wore a dress to church on Sunday that hadn't fit since BEFORE Isaac was born. It's quite fitted but it looked and felt great (except that it's knee-length and it was -16C BURRRRR). Hubby stayed home as he had the weekend phone but made a great effort to tell me I look great and gave me that 'she's hot' look that I missed seeing when I was bigger. Yes, he loved me and never said a thing but I know he's glad I'm taking this step to being healthier, happier and of course, looking better - that matters too! Yeah, he still gives me butterflies :D

I'm down to 204lbs exactly. The weekend had been crazy with the kiddo's godmother here and admittedly, I didn't eat as much as I should but did get a LOT of water, no diet drinks and no fake sugar :) I also made sure to at very least, drink a vegan protein shake each meal with a banana, some coconut, walnuts, peanut butter and coconut oil in it with almond milk. It's REALLY yummy!!!

I just finished up another dietbet and won! My husband says I refuse to lose and I completely agree. I am going to be taking a break from the kickstarter dietbets though for a month. I'll continue with the transformer until it's done (the 6 month one) but the 4% in 4 weeks is going to be paused until May. I'll do a May-June one to get a bit more weight off before summer comes, and by then, I'll be running again so easier to lose the weight.

Anyways, that's what's going on from my end. I've got 3lbs to go until I've lost 50lbs, I'm over halfway to my goal (44lbs left) and I am fitting into 'goal' clothing that I couldn't get up over my hips/tummy before this month. It's crazy that in 15 pages of diaries and 4.5 months, I feel as though I've transformed my life. I went from embarrassed about how I looked to feeling like I am me again - not me in a fat suit. I feel proud about working out regularly and getting back into shape with two babies. I CAN do this - heck, I AM doing this!!!

Here's my most recent progression pic:
First is beginning at 251 in October. Second is my Feb weigh in about 215ish. 3rd is March's weigh in at 206ish - the second and 3rd photo have the same top on - it's a LOT looser now! The photos are amazing encouragement along the way :) View attachment 24374
 
WOW, Sam. Well done honey! I'm glad the Effexor has you feeling good again. You have done so well & deserve to be very proud of yourself xoxo
 
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