Rob's Diary

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Cate said:
:iagree: with what both Amy & LaMa said.
I think I have an all or nothing mentality & learning to not put so much pressure on myself & to set realistic goals will help me to get where I want to be. It seems that you are becoming more in tune with what your body needs, rather than what your brain says you want. That's good. Whenever I eat crap I really feel like crap. It has taken me years to stop craving it, but I can honestly say that I no longer do. I do think you are doing well, Rob.
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I think this is what I'm aiming for - not to crave the unhealthy food in those moments when I'm physically or socially vunerable or any situation where I might try to distract or self-soothe with food. The behaviors are ingrained. It will take awhile.
 
I will try a different format for my updates.

Day one back on the wagon. I did a lot today.

For breakfast I had eggs and Greek yogurt with almonds. Lunch was salsa chicken with fried egg on sprouted bread and spinach salad. For dinner I cooked chicken stir fry - squash, zucchini, green bell pepper, onion, tomato, jalapeno. I'm taking some psyllium to help clean out my system from all the unhealthy fatty food I ate. Total calories were 1610.

I went running and didn't feel like doing yet another long 7 mile run but I was excited about incline running so I did about 4 miles of that at a pretty steep incline, alternating walking after each mile. It was a good work out and just as tough as any long run and I got my heart rate up a little higher and my calves are a little sore. 30k total steps today.

Over the past 3 days off, my resting heart rate went from 50 to 57 and the scale registered 8 pounds higher. Sleep ranged from 3 hours to almost 7 hours one night. I'm assuming once my RHR returns to what it was while maintaining the calorie deficit, it'll be an indicator I'm back to burning stored fat.
 
Hey Rob, I also like your new format, but better like that you are "back on the wagon".

A 4 mile run is pretty impressive, especially with the steep incline.

One day in a row now keep it up!
 
I also have that thing where if I am too strict, I eventually can't stick to the diet. I have been off of sugar and junk food for a year with a couple of little exceptions (a couple of birthdays and vacations). With my body if I crave something like that it usually means I need sleep, protein, more healthy fate, or a more varied diet - I can tell from looking at MFP which one usually. I have a natural zero calorie sugar I use occasionally and unsweetened cacao powder, so if the cravings are intense, I make a smoothie or something with those. I like to allow myself a healthier cheat food because otherwise I'll rebel and fall off the wagon for a while. Do you think healthier "cheat" foods would work for you?
 
I felt really good this morning. Grateful to be able to pick back up and carry on with the progress I've made. I could more clearly see I do not want to return to an unhealthy lifestyle of which I was reminded this week.

Tonight I feel a little overworked. After dinner I had to lay down. I walked about 12 miles earlier. It was good to be outside.

For breakfast I had eggs and yogurt with blueberries. Lunch was chicken and bison and a slice of sprouted bread with avocado. For dinner, I cooked chicken vegetable stir fry. 1977 total calories. 196 grams of protein or about 40% of total calories.
 
Marsia said:
I also have that thing where if I am too strict, I eventually can't stick to the diet. I have been off of sugar and junk food for a year with a couple of little exceptions (a couple of birthdays and vacations). With my body if I crave something like that it usually means I need sleep, protein, more healthy fate, or a more varied diet - I can tell from looking at MFP which one usually. I have a natural zero calorie sugar I use occasionally and unsweetened cacao powder, so if the cravings are intense, I make a smoothie or something with those. I like to allow myself a healthier cheat food because otherwise I'll rebel and fall off the wagon for a while. Do you think healthier "cheat" foods would work for you?
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Great job on being off sugar and junk food for a year.

Cheat foods don't really work for me. They usually open up the floodgates primarily because of my all or nothing thinking and conditioning. I'm working on that but also I think I'd be OK leaving out all unhealthy food forever if I can get to the root of my needs and address them in other ways. I was so messed up by the medication I was on, it's hard to figure some things out now.

I wish I could glance at what I've been eating or my numbers and figure it out but I'm not there yet. Sleep will address it if I stop everything I'm doing and rest for like two days. That will get me out of any funk and give me a bit of a reset but that's basically another form of binging and it's not feasible to take a timeout like that. If you look at some of the days I've had in May-July you can see my step count above 20k most days and then there are some random days when it's like 2k or 3k. I go from 100% to 0% all of a sudden. I can't moderate well, in all things.

I think the solution is to slowly transition to more calories, fewer steps, more variation in my diet, and more sleep but that progression takes so long, on the order of years. Losing weight (calorie deficits) only complicates the process. In the meantime, I think it makes sense to try to tune in more but also not be afraid to experiment more. I get locked in to those patterns of thinking and I can't get out of them until I crash and reset. If the experiments lead to positive outcomes while I'm tracking and attuned to them (in a very controlled, conscious way), I'll be quick to implement them but it takes a lot of time experimenting and I make a lot of mistakes, sometimes very painful, that can cause big setbacks.
 
I have been challenging those types of thoughts a lot that say I have to do things a certain way with diet and exercise. It's good because once I start challenging them here and there, they start to lose their power over me, and I can be more flexible and creative. I hope you can you do little experiments where you don't risk so much!
 
Marsia said:
I have been challenging those types of thoughts a lot that say I have to do things a certain way with diet and exercise. It's good because once I start challenging them here and there, they start to lose their power over me, and I can be more flexible and creative. I hope you can you do little experiments where you don't risk so much!
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Yes, It’s a little bit of a dilemma for me sometimes because I feel like those types of thoughts hold my weight loss process hostage. I know how to lose weight with what I’ve been doing but if I risk too much, I may lose my way and not lose weight anymore. I keep thinking once I’m at my goal weight, I will have the power to address that type of thinking but I know this is a faulty line of thought too. Now I’m reminded of the Noom psychology tidbits. I’ll go back and see if I can access some of those because I think some of this was addressed.
 
bensanon said:
I think this is what I'm aiming for - not to crave the unhealthy food in those moments when I'm physically or socially vunerable or any situation where I might try to distract or self-soothe with food. The behaviors are ingrained. It will take awhile.
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This is such a tough but important behavioral battle to work through and I really empathize with how you feel. Calorie deficit worked very well for me, and I realized in my previous attempts I was trying to go too low with my calories and I'd always end up binging or giving up, but changing habits and working on the psychological aspect was equally important. Hoping you have a great and healthy new week!
 
I had a good day. I went running this afternoon and ran 10.5 miles. It took 2 hours. This is the longest I've gone in more than a decade I think. I think things were just getting stagnant before and the binge days were just how I responded. It was all mental obviously if I can run like I did today. I think I will swim tomorrow to keep changing things up.

My calories were a little higher tonight because of the long run. For breakfast I had Greek yogurt with blueberries and banana and eggs. For lunch I had a grilled chicken sandwich with fried egg, a bison patty, and some tomatoes. For dinner I got one of my favorites from Zoe's Kitchen which is the Mediterranean Salad Trio Bowl with chicken. Later I ate some pistachios and some salsa chicken. Total calories were 2,473.

Here's a photo of my belt. I had to drill another hole. You can see awhile back, I had to shorten it. I can't remember how many notches I had to drill before I cut it.
 

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Wow! for the running! That's impressive - and the need for a new hole in the belt is incontrovertible evidence of progress! Well done, you!
 
Another notch in the belt!!! It's wonderful you are working on the psychological aspects. That was what got me overweight in the first place, so working on that means I have a much better chance of being part of the group of people who diet and keep the weight off afterward. And congratulations on the 10 miles - that's amazing!!!
 
Thanks all!

Today ended up being a rest day. I thought about going swimming but felt I needed to let myself recover more from yesterday's run. Total steps were 4800.

For breakfast I had eggs and yogurt with blueberries and banana. For lunch I had a fried egg chicken sandwich and for dinner I had salsa chicken in sprouted tortillas. Total calories were 1584.
 
I'm feeling good tonight but tired. I swam for about an hour and then got on the treadmill and ran 4 miles. I was feeling sluggish and sleepy but mixing in the swimming helped.

Tonight I cooked stir fry again with chicken, broccoli, squash, zucchini, baby portabella mushrooms, snap peas, green bell pepper, garlic, and jalapeno. It was delicious and I'm full. For breakfast I had egg and yogurt with some strawberries that I needed to use up. Lunch was grilled chicken and fried egg Asian salad. Total calories today are 1853. Total protein was 182g, 38% of my calories.

My weight was 205.6 this morning. I'm officially back on track after last week's binge days.
 
Well done, Rob! That all sounds really good :)
 
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