Ready To Conquer The Beast

D

douknowjello

New member
Hi, my name is Lisa. I've been gone from this forum a long time and felt it was time to start a new diary.

I'm one of those "take care of everyone else but myself" types and I think that's a huge part of my problem. So when my husband got very sick bit over a year ago all my stuff went to the side, even though I'd lost about 40lbs. Since then with all the stress and problems I've not done a thing and my weight as of this morning is 352.8...heavier than I have ever been. And I thought exercise was difficult before! Now I can barely normal daily activities done or make 2 rounds around the grocery store. But I'm trying and on day 3 of keeping track of my food at fitday.

And yes I stole that motto for my diary :) While looking online for exercise I could do I came across Ruby Gettinger's story and was very inspired. I really do agree with her, at least for me that this is a battle with a beast...an all out war for survival and I better not lapse into thinking its anything less. I've struggled with my weight my entire life but I have this feeling that it's now or never.
 
Ok so my old BMR was around 2000 calories I think but now its 2300. I used to lose mad weight eating between 1800 and 2100 calories but that was not at this weight. I don't want to get all nuts about this so I think my goal is to aim for about 2000 still, unless I'm really hungry and try to not go under 1800 right now or over 2300 calories.

Exercise is an issue but I'm just trying to do some walking right now, even if its just in a store or for a few minutes. We'll see what I come up with. I'd really love to buy this DVD set I saw online at walmart...it's a whole Richard Simmons collection and what I always loved about his videos is there was modifications for people my size to still do the workout and not hurt ourselves doing it, lol. I'm going to have to wait until I have the money though. Thirty dollars is alot atm but you get 4 or 5 DVDs.

I need to make sure I drink more water but one good thing is that I quit drinking soda/pop last October and I don't see me returning to it this time. As long as I have my ice tea I'm fine :)

Oh and I'm keeping my food logs at fitday. I tried to link it like I've seen some do in the past but it gave total access to my account. Last thing I need is some joker changing my pw on me.
 
Hi Dou!

I see you are a senior member on this site with all those posts!
Well done!

Just wanted to say Hi and wish you all the best on your journey!

Good luck! WE ARE GONNA DO IT!!! AND KEEP DOIN IT!!!!
 
size32someday said:
you can do this. I look forward to reading your journey. not every week is our best week. so if you fall get back up and try again :)
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Thanks :) I checked to see if you have a journal going yet but didn't find one but if you stop back by mine again, I just wanted to say I really appreciate the support.
 
Hi there, it seems like we have been having some similar thoughts recently. The "now or never" feeling is something that recently hit me straight in the face. My weight is the only thing in my life that I have not been able to control and its a battle I am willing to now devote some real effort to.

Your posts above make you seem like a very determined person and you seem to know exactly what you need to do. If you dont have a destination in mind it is very difficult to complete the journey, you have a destination in mind and I would love to check back regularly and see updates on your journey :)
 
ForRealThisTime said:
Hi there, it seems like we have been having some similar thoughts recently. The "now or never" feeling is something that recently hit me straight in the face. My weight is the only thing in my life that I have not been able to control and its a battle I am willing to now devote some real effort to.

Your posts above make you seem like a very determined person and you seem to know exactly what you need to do. If you dont have a destination in mind it is very difficult to complete the journey, you have a destination in mind and I would love to check back regularly and see updates on your journey :)
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You know what the scary part is though? I've been determined before and I have no control over anything the "future" me does. And inevitably, feelings change. What I have to work on is endurance and perseverance even when I'm not feeling it. My old journal has alot of excuses and whining, lol. But I did learn alot before in this forum....basically weight loss is simple. It's me that makes things complicated. Only thing different now, is like you mentioned, I've never quite felt so doomed before if I don't DO something about it this time. I don't have to be skinny but dang it, I can't weigh THIS MUCH!
 
And speaking of change, I can already see a pattern that I'm not leaving myself alot of room in the calorie category. This morning I was starving on the way home from work and ate one hashbrown and one sausage burrito from McDs because I remembered what the calories were in those at least. I'm not beating myself up or stressing, just seeing that I'm starting this off rough and need to fine tune some stuff. Finding filling low calorie breakfasts though that are portable has always been an issue. Anyway time for sleep, I'm exhausted after working all night. Cya all later~Lisa
 
Good Observation!! :D!

You know what's kind of funny, it may sound kind of weird, but have you ever considered making your own Mc Muffins at home the night before? Like Subway kind of...have you ever had their breakfast?

Well, they have the egg in something COLD and then when you order it that morning you heat it up in the microwave with the wheat bun or fiber bun. The reason I say this, is maybe you could make the egg even the night before and get a whole wheat high fiber bun (Orowheat has some good ones for 100 calories a bun) and slap some egg on that puppie and some tomato and lettuce cut up from night before and call it a TO GO!

...just a thought. :) Take some almonds with you so you can munch on too. :D! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Subway is a great morning option too though and economical and healthy!! :D!!
 
i picked up some egg beaters for mornings. its liquid egg made from real eggs but no yolk so no cholesterol ect. its about 30 calories a serving. i pour out 3 servings in a pan cook it up and throw it on wheat bread. its pretty good.

Keep up the fight you can do it!
 
size32someday said:
i picked up some egg beaters for mornings. its liquid egg made from real eggs but no yolk so no cholesterol ect. its about 30 calories a serving. i pour out 3 servings in a pan cook it up and throw it on wheat bread. its pretty good.

Keep up the fight you can do it!
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Awesome idea! Ya know there's things like that I know of but forget...simple stuff. I'm going to have to search the past forum links to see if I can find more ideas like that. Too bad mal's not around anymore....she was like our post librarian...if there was a topic she could link it in no time flat, lol.
 
.

ENDURANCE... such a simple little word, yet that in a nut shell sizes it up for me. Why can't the weight loss industry bottle THAT up and sell it? So no magic pill...ok where do I learn this then? My whole life I can conquer in the moment, win the short battles, but if its a long term one I inevitably run out of steam. College, weight loss, everything important. End result: hitting middle age and not being where I want to be with most stuff and the disatisfaction that goes with it.

One thing I do know is this time I want to use my journal for self searching like above, speculation and problem solving. But the whining and excuses has to stop. Acknowledging the negative stuff is fine but dwelling on it and writing more than a paragraph or two is not going to help me. And I am NOT on a diet therefore there is no "cheating" failures. My goal is to be aware what I'm putting in my mouth, managing my calories and minimizing the junk. If I want something that bad, I'm going to plan for it and have it...and going to enjoy it! The days of mindlessly stuffing my face are at an end and so are the ones of beating myself up.

And good knews, started Sunday and had to hop on the scale today. I've lost 5.6 pounds already so this is working, even though I know some of that is water weight. Thank god for metformin! lol. Just to mention, I have insulin resistance and PCOS so before being diagnosed, I had to claw, kick and scream to even lose one pound. It was darn near impossible. Guess this makes Fridays my weigh in day but going to have to be careful not to become a slave to the scale either. It's gotta be all about focusing daily on doing what I need to do every day and not what that little glowing number says.
 
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So I'm about to get started cleaning my house, but obviously I'm putting it off so I thought I'd post here real fast.

Today I had scrambled eggs and some cottage cheese on the side. I'd waited way to long to eat without realizing so bit later I still felt like I was starving. Prolly wasn't the best choice but not the worst either....I ate a whole can of corn, lol. I put "I can't believe it's not butter" spray and salt on it and it hit the spot and filled me up for 210 calories. Lots of carbs though but oh well.

Here's what I don't get. I got a food scale few years ago after starting this forum and I LOVE it, but here's the problem. The container of cottage cheese said 1 serving was half a cup and the container had 4 servings. The container of cottage cheese was 16oz so in my mind one serving would also be 4oz right? So I'm scooping in 4oz and I'm like dang....that's more than 1/4 gone. So I grabbed my measuring cup and did it that way and it was way less. So something is not right in the way I'm thinking about how that is packaged. Anyone have an answer? Because I'd hate to think I'm being all precise measuring my food and actually eating added calories, that would suck! Actually this is buggin me so much I think I'll post it seperate in the forum too, lol.

Anyway my calories for the day so far are only 670 so looking good. I love days like this cuz it means I have more options at dinner :)
 
looking good so far. i really need to start a journal just like you did. anything to keep me from getting bored with my diet would be good. I have a pretty nice bench in the basement id like to get going on also. I sit around way to much. keep at it and dont give up.
 
Hey Lisa,

I like your approach, it sounds like you have made your mind up and are not messing around. The journal/diary idea is great and in the short time I have been using mine has helped me focus on things related to my weight which I had never considered before. It appears there is more to this than not eating much! Being healthy from a mental standpoint will undoubtedly assist with sticking to goals.

With regard to your food scales, maybe there is not as much in the pack as the manufacturer says? typically the total weight on the pack is estimated and not exact. If your scales are accurate there is not really any other explanation?!
 
size32someday said:
looking good so far. i really need to start a journal just like you did. anything to keep me from getting bored with my diet would be good. I have a pretty nice bench in the basement id like to get going on also. I sit around way to much. keep at it and dont give up.
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Thanks size32, be sure to let me know if you do start one so I can come bug ya :)



ForRealThisTime said:
Hey Lisa,
I like your approach, it sounds like you have made your mind up and are not messing around. The journal/diary idea is great and in the short time I have been using mine has helped me focus on things related to my weight which I had never considered before. It appears there is more to this than not eating much! Being healthy from a mental standpoint will undoubtedly assist with sticking to goals.
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:iagree: Thanks forreal, I really do agree with that. I had a diary I started on here in 2008, a very lengthy one in fact and at times I had the right mindset. But long term I think being more positive would have gone a long way. The one good thing is that even though I'm starting over fresh, I have all the tools I learned here before to get me started :)

ForRealThisTime said:
With regard to your food scales, maybe there is not as much in the pack as the manufacturer says? typically the total weight on the pack is estimated and not exact. If your scales are accurate there is not really any other explanation?!
Click to expand...

Well dang....I already ate some of but wish I'd thought of that. I SHOULD have weighed the whole thing, that would have given me an answer. Guess I was too hungry at the time but next time I get some cottage cheese I'll do that and see if I figure it out. Guess I could still measure out whats left....if one serving is half a cup then there SHOULD be a cup and a half left. I could weigh half a cup of it for an approximation..weight whats left altogether and figure it out. Maybe I'm over thinking this.....but its buggin me....
 
Hi Lisa, welcome back to the forum - don't understand estimate how far you've come just in making the decision to get going again - its the biggest thing I ever did to lose weight - commit to start!

I got by the cals per 100g on food labels - I can't be bothered with all of their servings and cups and stuff... Maybe the UK has different labeling rules though as the majority of our calorie labels are done by the g.

One thing that I found really helpful to keep positive was to set some goals - even if it was just a list of little things that meant something to me rather than other people - like get to the top of the stairs without feeling out of breath or stopping...walk round the block once a day at least...manage to wear that shirt on again...etc... along side all of the big goals. Then I felt motivated and positive each time I got to tick off one of the little things and that way progressed towards the big things. It kept the demotivated days down to a level where there were less of them than the motivated ones!!

Sounds like you are off to a good start though with the 5.6lbs loss - hopefully it will be falling off soon and you'll get your momentum going to continue.

Good luck hon and we'll be here to offer support!
 
Thanks for the support jjjay :) I haven't posted it but my first real mini goal is just to be able to do my grocery shopping without dying. I just want to be able to walk like normal people without having to sit down every 10 or 15 steps. My quality of life at the moment is pretty much non existent because I can't even get around to do regular daily life stuff. I don't use the motor carts in stores because my husband would be embarrassed so I hold myself up for dear life on the shopping cart, using it for a walker pretty much. And I dread going to work now if I know we're doing an outing with the girls we help. When we got to the mall I huff and puff and have to sit down non stop. It's humiliating and on top of that its preventing me from doing my job.

The thing I don't get though is only 20lbs ago I was able to walk for half an hour without it being agonizing. I guess you never know whats gonna be the last straw or lb for a body to handle. Hopefully it won't take me long to get back down to where I can walk 20-30 minutes again.
 
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