Raven's Diary!

Raven2

Raven2

New member
I'm new to the forum, and I've never had a food-related or weight loss diary, so I'm really hoping it will help out with controlling/improving my eating habits and lifestyle. I'll start out with the basics: I'm 5'3, I currently weigh 175 lbs., and I'd like to lose 60 lbs. to bring me to my goal weight of 115. I'd like to be able to do it within one year, so I'm setting a tentative date of August 1, 2009. I'm not particularly fixated with numbers, because I know what I looked like at 135 (5 years ago), and it was good, but I've made 115 my goal because I'm confident that I will be able to reach it, and I believe I will be more physically fit at 115 as long as I strength train and get regular cardiovascular exercise. The reason I have chosen to embark on this journey is not only to improve my physical health and to gain confidence (both of which have suffered immensely in the last 3 years), but also because I would like to be a positive role model for my son as he grows, and have the energy to play with him. I don't want to tuckered out after 15 minutes of play anymore!

My plan is to follow a reduced carb/starch/sugar diet (moderate intake, about 50% of the RDA), any carbs I do consume will be whole grains and whole fruits/vegetables, zero refined sugar/grains/potatoes. I will also be controlling my portions, and aiming to consume between 1200-1500 calories a day. As far as exercise is concerned, I'll be walking one hour a day to start with, and once my son is in daycare, I will be getting a membership at the local Y to start cardio and strength training.

I'm looking forward to sharing this experience with everybody here, and if anybody has any input or advice, it is greatly appreciated!

Raven


And here is what I ate today:

Breakfast - 9 A.M.
2 eggs, scrambled in 1/4 tsp. canola oil, with 1 cup spinach and 1/4 cup of onion
2 strips of lean, reduced sodium bacon
2 glasses of water

Snack - 11:30 A.M.
1 plain rice cake, with 1 tablespoon of almond butter and a SMALL drizzle of honey
3 baby carrots
2 glasses of water

Lunch - 2 P.M.
Tuna salad in lettuce rollups
1/2 can of tuna, with 3 slices of pickle, 1/2 tablespoon of sweet dijon mustard, 1/2 tablespoon of mayo, 1/2 tomato, 1/4 cucumber, and 3 large leaves of romaine lettuce
1 glass of water

"Snack" - 4 P.M.
1 tbsp. psyllium husk fibre, 2 glasses of water
8 oz. v8, warm (it's like soup!)
1 bite of my son's honey-flax snack bar

Dinner - 7 P.M.
1 chicken breast (probably about 8 oz., so 2 servings)
over a salad with: 1/2 cup of raw spinach, 1 1/2 cups of romaine, 1 tomato, 1/2 yellow pepper, 1 clove of crushed garlic, 2 tbsp. "californian" dressing (it's like catalina).

I'm STUFFED! But I still have a craving for popcorn.... I might indulge later tonight, but only if I'm hungry.
 
I ate the popcorn last night. Almost the whole bag, with a can of diet pepsi, but I stopped myself because I realized I was no longer hungry, I was just enjoying the taste of the warm, buttery, salty, delicious popcorn a LITTLE bit too much. I think that's one of my biggest problems - I eat because I really, really love the taste of food. The good news is that I like the taste of almost all food, healthy and otherwise, so "dieting" isn't really all that difficult for me aside from the occasional craving for something sweet/starchy. The popcorn, also, was 50% less fat and salt than the regular Orville Reddenbachers, so even if it isn't the healthiest choice, it's still a tad better than what I used to buy (Extra-Extra-Extra Movie Theatre Style-Clog-your-arteries-and-cause-you-to-gain-10-lbs.-a-year Popcorn)!

I went to the grocery store today, and I was PRETTY good. I stood around in the bakery aisle for a good 15 minutes, admiring the freshly baked loaves and tempting cakes, and then I saw her.

She was probably in her 50's, maybe even her 60's, but she was so beautiful, radiant, and healthy looking. She glided past the donuts and on to the produce (which I'd already stocked up on). She picked up some of the stuff I'd already put in my cart - spinach, tomatoes, baby carrots, fresh herbs and spices... and I thought to myself, "If she eats like that, and she looks that good at 50-something, I've got a lot to look forward to 30 years from now if I stick to this lifestyle!"
Shallow, yes, but I'm a woman and it's a bit of extra motivation.

Anyways, mealtimes were totally "off" today, I have been really tired and needing to nap during the afternoons lately, so I can't get to sleep until quite late at night (or early in the morning - 4 a.m.), and I'm waking up quite late as well, as my son is away on the weekends and I get a much needed break! So, here's the breakdown:

Breakfast - Noon (I woke up at 11!!!)

1 egg, a small splash of whole milk, 1 oz. of sharp cheddar, and 1/2 cup of spinach, scrambled in microwave (my mother in law used to call me crazy for microwaving my eggs, but then she tried one. fluffy and delicious, at least when I make them!)

About 2 cups of cooked oatmeal, topped with slivered almonds and 1 1/2 tablespoons of brown sugar (yeah, not the best... but I'm working on it. No sugar tomorrow).
2 glasses of water



And then, stuffed as I was, I napped from 1:30 to 3. When I woke up, I had some water.

I was vaguely hungry around 4, but I didn't feel like cooking anything, so I didn't eat again until after I did the grocery shopping. Usually, I eat before going to the store so that I don't buy all of the goodies I wish I could have, but it was an accidental exercise in willpower this afternoon. I got back from the grocery store at 7:15, and had a semi-binge.

Part 1:
Stouffers microwave dinner, "Salisbury Steak" with mashed potatoes. I wound up sharing almost half of the microwave dinner (which clocked in at 220 calories for the WHOLE thing), so I didn't feel quite as bad about eating more shortly afterwards.

Part 2:
1 Turkey Wrap: 2 slices of deli roast turkey breast, 1 leaf romaine, lots of cucumber, a couple of sweet pickle slices, 1/2 tablespoon of mayo, 1 tsp. sweet dijon, and 1 flax tortilla.

V8 Soup: 8 Oz. V8, 2 tbsp. spicy salsa, & a generous sprinkling of cayenne pepper, warmed.

8 oz. diet gingerale


And that's it for today. I don't think i'm quite "low-carbing," but it's still quite a huge cut from my normal starch/sugar intake (which was absolutely ridiculous before).
 
Hi Raven,

It's good that you are starting. That's the best thing you can do right now. Don't pressure yourself too much. Just take away a little of the bad stuff at a time, and I think you'll be fine.

I'm new to the forum myself...but I haven't had the guts to start my journal. maybe I will....:Angel_anim:

Good luck! Here's to your (our) success!
 
So, last night I created an account with Fitday, and I'm pretty shocked/amazed at where the bulk of my calories/nutrition is coming from. Also, I am surprised that I am not meeting my vitamin/mineral requirements as well as I thought I was, considering the fact that I am eating (and almost always have eaten) 5-6 servings of vegetables (and occasionally fruit) daily.

Today, my son and I went for a walk to a lookout located a mile or so from my place. I was planning on walking us all of the way to the beach (10 mile round trip - I've done it before and it's not hard at all), but the sun was beating down and he was starting to get red... and cranky.... aaaagh! Cranky toddlers are not good walking company. Anyways, he ran around terrorizing some overfed ducks and geese for awhile, until I finally got tired of chasing after him and stepping in goose-poop. When I got home, my feet were swollen and blistered, because I made the mistake of wearing some pointy-toed flats that never fit my wide feet very well. Live and learn, right?

So, here's the breakdown of what I've eaten so far today, according to FITDAY!

Breakfast:
1 Extra large egg, scrambled with 1/2 tablespoon of light sour cream
1/2 spicy italian sausage, crumbled, 1/2 cup spinach, half of a small tomato, a few slices of onion, 1/4 cup of mushrooms, and 1 cubic inch of cheese grated on top
1/2 of a 7" flax tortilla to scoop it up with!

Lunch:
3/4 of a lean cuisine chili-thai-peanut meal (my son wanted some of my lunch... just because I was eating it!)
1 jello cheesecake (130 calorie cups, prepackaged :eek:)

Snack:
1 slice of rare, lean, angus roast beef (yes! they have this at my deli!)

Dinner:
1 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, Sauteed in a little less than 1 tablespoon of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 1/2 cups of Frozen Summer Squash, Pureed, with 1/2 tsp. butter
1 cup of broccoli flowerets (frozen as well), steamed
1 tablespoon of light sour cream
2 teaspoons of BBQ sauce

= 1365 Calories
41% from fat, 25% from carbs, 34% from protein

Well... I can't lie, I'm actually still hungry. I usually eat more food quantity-wise for the same number of calories, mainly because i often eat more plain/steamed vegetables. But today was just not one of those days. I'll see if I get really hungry later, but it's already 9, and I doubt that I'll be up long past midnight, so I don't have much time to go through the entire process of getting hungry, figuring out what i want to eat, making it, eating, etc. etc. etc.

xoxo
 
I use FitDay to and it's great. I really don't think people get as much of the nutrients as they should without consciously thinking about it, so good for you!
 
Yesterday, I didn't eat a lot of "real food" after breakfast. I wound up having several appointments in different parts of the city, and to top it off, I ran into a childhood friend who I reconnected with a few months ago, but sort of lost contact with because he wanted ANOTHER kind of relationship with me.... ack! It wasn't that bad, though, he took me out for lunch and I resisted temptation! He mentioned that I looked like I'd lost weight, and I told him I had by drastically cutting down on sugary drinks and starchy carbs, etc. etc.... well, the guy then tries to convince me to get a ham and swiss cheese sandwich on these two slabs of bread which look more like loaves to me. I'm obviously more sensitive to portion sizes now, because I'm noticing that the "standard" serving sizes for everything except fruit and vegetables are ridiculously large. Anyways, I got a fruit salad and a diet gingerale. :D
And...I'm looking forward to seeing him again as long as the pressure is off and there are no freaky expectations.

Okay, so last night was crazy. When I say crazy, I'm talking really.... really....REALLY crazy. a couple of my girlfriends and I (one of whom also has a little one, 3 weeks old) convinced the men to take the kids for the night while we did our thing. Well, it was one of those nights that was an absolute blast, but you swear to God the next morning that you're never, EVER going to do that again.

At any rate, 20% of the day's calories were directly from beer. Shocking! I totally broke all of the "rules," but I'm not particularly bent out of shape about it, because the whole idea of being on a "diet" and allowing some temporary change to suck the life out of me is so frickin' lame. Instead, I'm in this for life, and I will have a pitcher of beer for the first time in a year if I damned well please!
Before I do the belated breakdown for yesterday, I want to add that I'm no longer listing exact quantities for everything. Why? It is a slight pain in the ass. However, if anybody else is reading this and you want to know exactly how much food-bang i'm getting for my buck, just ask and I'll throw the info back on here for you.

Breakfast:

1 egg, whipped with low fat sour cream, and scrambled with spinach, feta, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, vidalia onion, in 1 tsp. olive oil.
A bowl of steel cut oatmeal with lots of fresh raspberries and blueberries, some vanilla extract, a splash of unsweetened soymilk, and a tsp. of unpacked brown sugar.
(Noticing a trend? Huge breakfasts FTW!)

Lunch:

"Medium" Fruit Salad with Strawberries, Cantaloupe, and Honeydew (about 1 1/2 cups)

Dinner:

1/2 of a Stouffer's BBQ Chicken frozen dinner (330 cals. for whole dinner), shared with my son who seems to be obsessed with eating half of my crappy frozen dinner every time I make one (which seems to be a lot this summer. I hate cooking in the heat!)...

Snack:

1 single-serve bag of 94% fat free microwave popcorn, 100 cals.

PARTYTIME:

1 pitcher of BEER!

Total: 1697 Calories

Fat: 38 grams
Sat: 13 grams
Poly: 4 grams
Mono: 11 grams
Carbs: 215 grams
Fiber: 32 grams
Protein: 48 grams
Alcohol: 53 grams - 23% of calories!!!!
 
Today (07/29/08) I laid low and recovered from my slight hangover. My son seemed to relish it quite a bit when I'd groan in pain from him crawling up my body and beating on my chest. It's definitely a new phenomenon for him!
Here's what I ate:

Breakfast:
1 cup of cheerios with 1/2 cup of organic soymilk
1/2 of a very large mango (counted it as a whole on fitday)
1 cup of plain lowfat yogurt

Lunch:
Cucumber, tomato and romaine salad with low-calorie catalina dressing
Lean Cuisine Chicken Alfredo (the veggies in this were actually quite fresh tasting!)

Snack:
3 oz. sauteed chicken breast, 5 baby carrots

Dinner:
2 cups of spinach, 1/2 cup of long grain brown rice, 9 garlic-pepper marinaded tiger shrimp, mushrooms, 1/4 cup zucchini, 1 medium egg, 1 tbsp. tamari, and 1/2 tbsp. sesame oil - sauteed to make shrimp fried rice. SO delicious.

Calories Eaten Today
grams cals %total
Total: 1496
Fat: 38 346 24%
Sat: 11 101 7%
Poly: 6 56 4%
Mono: 9 81 6%
Carbs: 173 622 43%
Fiber: 17 0 0%
Protein: 120 480 33%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%
 
WARNING: RANT AHEAD!
I'm in a really weird mood today. I've been overhauling my entire life, pretty much - not just my eating habits - I'm trying to get out more, experience things I'd resigned myself to never being able to, addressing some personal wounds I've always pushed to the side - and while I'm grateful to be alive and (somewhat) healthier than I was a few short months ago, I've still got some serious muck to wade through before I'm back on solid ground.

To be honest, I've had some time to think about why I'm really doing this, and I'm not sure it's entirely for the right reasons. Yes, I want to be healthier, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, I want to play with my son like I'm a 5 year old again, and I want to be fit enough to be able to run a mile without stopping every 40 seconds... or at all, for that matter. But I also feel that I need to do this to prove to everybody who has ever thought I would be a better person if only I could lose some weight that I am - and always have been - a fucking awesome woman.

I'm sure it isn't a phenomenon isolated to me. I know so many girls who say they want to lose weight to gain the respect of some sleazy scumbag, or be the envy of their slightly-chunky friends, or walk down the street and be ogled by chiseled construction workers. Well, I never thought I was one to buy into that load of absolute bullshit, but apparently I am. When I really break it down, part of me - the me that existed long before my son was even thought about, or I began to give a crap about myself as a human being - wants to lose the weight just to flip off all of the motherfuckers who have ever made me feel like less of a woman. It's sort of a terrible realization.

The people I care most about don't give a shit whether I weigh 115 pounds or a metric ton. It's people like that ex boyfriend from 5 years ago who went and got together with a hot redhead after we broke up, and would probably put my heart through a paper shredder all over again without an ounce of remorse given the chance. It's people like my father, who always called me beautiful, but then made sure to remind me how fat I was ("just like" my NOT fat, beautiful mother!) in the next breath. It's people like the girl my ex husband (and father of my child) cheated on me with, girls who couldn't hold a candle to me but felt a need to find my weakest spot and hammer at the fault until the nails hit home.

Part of me wants to lose weight because somewhere in the back of my mind, those people are always there, pointing and laughing. It's more than unreasonable to think that dropping some of my gravitational mass is going to resolve those issues (some of them long past and SHOULD be long forgotten)... but I've got to be honest - It's just the way I feel. After my husband and I dissolved our marriage a year ago (he's been wanting to reconcile for 6 months now, BTW), I started seeing other people. I've had the opportunity to make friends with and date some amazing men, but I was made to feel inferior by a few of them because, according to them, I have "baggage." And no, they are not referring to childhood abuse or spontaneously terminated pregnancies or financial debts. They're referring to my child and my weight. THAT MAKES ME FUCKING SICK! I have a child, that will never change. I have a body - a body which it is in my power to change - but by no means should I have to change it to please some idiot who thinks Nicole Richie looked like a beached whale before she dropped to 64 pounds.

I know this is turning into a ridiculous rant, but I just had to get it off my (apparently enormous) chest. Even though I am beginning to realize this is much more complex, psychologically, than I was previously willing to admit, I think it's a step in the right direction. And I'm not going to stop. Even if there are two sides to this, I'm going to tell you right now, I believe in the end it will have been for the right reasons. The still-16-years-old-and-telling-everybody-to-kiss-my-ass Raven might be proud of losing weight because she will once again be desirable to long-lost-heart-in-paper-shredder dude, or because she wants to be that much better than the weak-in-every-way girls her husband thought would be fun to sample for a few hours/weeks/months at a time.

...But the Raven who is bigger and stronger than all of that is still doing this to prove to herself and her son that it is possible to triumph over one's own demons.


OKAY. Back to reality. Here's what I consumed today. It wasn't much. I should have eaten a little more, since I did a fair bit of exercise (baby-toting half of the day, walking, running after extremely fast 20 month old toddler who likes to scare Mom by threatening to dive headfirst down hills)... but I might have a small snack before bed.

Breakfast:
1 cup plain, 1% fat yogurt, with 1/4 of a mashed banana and a 1/4 cup of raspberries, 1/2 cup of cheerios
1 egg, microwaved with 1 oz. of sharp cheddar and 1 oz. of 2% fat cottage cheese

Lunch:
1 single-serve bag of 94% fat free popcorn
(yeah. this sucks. I know.)

Snack:
1/4 cup of blueberries

Dinner:
1 Stouffers Thai Beef Microwave dinner
(sucks again, I know.)
100 grams of shelled edamame

1062 Calories, 35 Grams Fat (15 Saturated, 1 Poly, 6 Mono), 137 Grams Carbs, 17 Grams Fiber :)(), 60 Grams Protein.

I didn't add salt to anything at all today, but I have a feeling I still exceeded my sodium intake. And definitely not enough veggies. Oh, and I've only had 4 glasses of water :(
Oh well. I'll have some carrots, maybe some roast beef or something, and lots of water before bed.
 
It's that time of the month, and I'm still losing weight. I got on the scale this morning before leaving the house, and it read 173.5 - with all of my clothing, huge cell phone and keys, etc... so, I rushed to take my clothes off and discovered that I was exactly 170.0 this morning, naked. That was pleasing, to say the least. I don't think it's real weight loss (I'm pretty sure it isn't possible to lose FAT that quickly, only water, unfortunately), but it made me feel happy anyways. I can't lie, I'm somewhat scale oriented. Once, I even pressed down quite hard on the dresser to distribute some of my weight to it, just so that I could see that 115 staring back at me on the scale while I stood on it. Of course, it isn't MY 115, but (as strange as it might sound), it was a little bit inspiring. Much like the "goal pants" discussed in other threads.
:)

So far today, I've eaten a whole lot of CRAP. I've decided that Friday will be a little bit more of a relaxed day for me, foodwise (although it's somewhat more demanding physically, as I powerwalk a little over 5 miles to my son's playgroup). I'm keeping track of my calories, and surprisingly this is one day when I've gotten (what appears to be) "decent" nutritional values out of the calories used so far, but there is also a surplus of simple carbs and a lack of lean protein. And NO vegetables! Oh, for shame.

1078 calories so far.

Breakfast:
Cheerio/Raspberry/1% Plain (unsweetened) Yogurt/Mashed Banana concoction (same as yesterday... it's quite tasty, actually)

Lunch:
1 rather long Spicy Italian Sausage on a fluffy, doughy, starchy white bun... do the ketchup, relish, and onions on top count as vegetables? hahaha....
about 1/3 of my son's order of small fries
(both from a local chipwagon)
And a Diet Coke. Sadly, it was lukewarm.

Dinner: ???
 
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