Raelee's Diary

Raelee

Raelee

New member
I ate more tonight than normal as I’m trying to gain some weight, even though I really don’t want to. I’m very bloated; so I look pregnant? I feel kind of insecure about it. Also, I noticed I have some bruises on my spine from taking a bath every day. Hopefully that will disappear soon. I know I’m too thin. I just have a hard time wanting to gain weight. Plus, I get full way too easily because I don’t really get hunger cues anymore. 07040680-2670-49A3-A88F-672E74E990A2.jpeg6ECB04BF-265A-4513-BD1C-046DF002B8CC.jpeg65039D42-8518-42C9-BE02-C3C655C76DC9.jpeg
 
I admire your bravery for tackling this beast of an illness but I have to admit I feel a little uncomfortable looking at all the near-naked pics you post. A therapist with experience in the anorexia field would definitely be a better source of information. Aside from that your spine will become better-padded (and your skin less easily bruised) once you gain weight but I'm afraid gaining weight on your stomach area first is normal for people recovering from anorexia. I can't remember exactly why but I think it had to do with cortisol levels.
Another thing: there was one season of Supersize vs Superskinny (a British show that tried to shock superobese and underweight people into better eating habits by having them swap diets for a couple of days before giving them their own diet plans) which as a side focus followed a group of people who were recovering from anorexia and gave quite a bit of information. I can't remember exactly which season it was but if you think it might be helpful I'll happily look up a link.
 
LaMaria said:
I admire your bravery for tackling this beast of an illness but I have to admit I feel a little uncomfortable looking at all the near-naked pics you post. A therapist with experience in the anorexia field would definitely be a better source of information. Aside from that your spine will become better-padded (and your skin less easily bruised) once you gain weight but I'm afraid gaining weight on your stomach area first is normal for people recovering from anorexia. I can't remember exactly why but I think it had to do with cortisol levels.
Another thing: there was one season of Supersize vs Superskinny (a British show that tried to shock superobese and underweight people into better eating habits by having them swap diets for a couple of days before giving them their own diet plans) which as a side focus followed a group of people who were recovering from anorexia and gave quite a bit of information. I can't remember exactly which season it was but if you think it might be helpful I'll happily look up a link.
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I have watched that show and it’s extremely triggering. Also, I plan to get back with my old ED therapist so hopefully that will be helpful. I also might get a dietitian to work with but I want to make sure that I’m truly ready to recover and really want it so I’m not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t want to be stubborn and hard to work with last time I saw a dietitian.
I am sorry these pictures make you uncomfortable. I will next time be more mindful of what I post on here. I apologize.
 
Don´t worry about it :grouphug: I can imagine SvsS being triggering and I hope being reminded about it didn´t make you feel bad. As far as I can see you might still struggle with how to achieve your goal and feel good about the process but you DO sound like you´re very motivated. And the experts are there to help you with the struggles, so don´t feel bad about needing help.
 
No, I really don’t want to change right now. I know weight gain needs to happen but I don’t feel like I’m at place where I really see it as much of a problem. It’s been part of my life for so long and it’s hard to even want to recover. I’m not afraid to reach out for help, I just don’t want to waste people’s time if I’m not ready to change.
 
That´s valid. In the end it´s your decision. I hope you find your way toward more health.
 
I’ve been trying to eat more and I’m starting to see some progress. But I still feel so dizzy and nauseous. Idk if that’s the reason or not but it’s feels so miserable.B67A9B10-EF0D-4A3F-A17B-B6477AC48F7D.jpegF4AF093C-6FFC-438F-8386-45EE3334DB7B.jpeg

My mom told me a couple days ago that she’s worried about me and my continued weight loss. I don’t eat that consistently. But I’m really trying and working on changing these bad habits. I’ve made some slight progress.
 
You could try drinking more of your calories for snacks. Smoothies, milkshakes using full-fat milk, even juice if it helps. If you know you don´t eat cosistently maybe you could make a pact with yourself that X times a day you will prep some food for yourself and sit down with it, even when you´re not hungry. You don´t have to eat it all but you make the time to get it out and sit with it to get your body used to the regular schedule. Usually we´ll feel at least a little hungry when food comes at more or less fixed times.
 
LaMaria said:
You could try drinking more of your calories for snacks. Smoothies, milkshakes using full-fat milk, even juice if it helps. If you know you don´t eat cosistently maybe you could make a pact with yourself that X times a day you will prep some food for yourself and sit down with it, even when you´re not hungry. You don´t have to eat it all but you make the time to get it out and sit with it to get your body used to the regular schedule. Usually we´ll feel at least a little hungry when food comes at more or less fixed times.
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Awesome idea thank you. Although I do prefer liquid calories and find it much easier that way. So I already do drink beverages more than I eat real food. Maybe I’ll try to have a little of something at fixed times every day that at least includes solid food but then can add liquids as well. I like that idea thanks.
 
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