Put ur hands up slowly, & step away from the cupcake!!!

S

Sugarplumpfairy

New member
A diary eh? (eh? how Canadian of me lol) Well here I go! I just sat on the couch, feeling pretty sorry for myself, and ate two sickly sweet cupcakes. I feel sick.

Today started off with an appointment this morning at the Dr.'s. We talked all about how I can't get pregnant because I'm too fat. Lovely way to start the day, huh? Because I am so overweight I am experiencing amenorrhea. I won't go into detail because I don't want to traumatize any male who happens to read this lol. It starts to go away when I am about 240lbs. I can't get pregnant until that happens, and all I seem to be able to focus on is how long it's going to take to lose that much weight. Being that I just got married oct/09, pretty much everyone I know keeps on asking when it's going to happen. All I say is "it will happen when the time is right". That seems to end that conversation in a hurry thank god. Anyway, I've just been an emotional mess today. My husband does his best to comfort me, reassuring that there is no rush (while my biological clock is ticking away lol). But I am really thankful that he is so supportive and doesn't put any pressure on me or anything like that.

So, I'm frustrated and pissed off because I just joined like two days ago, and I've already fallen off the wagon! FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Sorry about acting like a victim and whining everyone....Just having a really bad day. After inhaling two cupcakes, crying for a while, getting mad at myself, then feeling guilty....I kinda snapped out of it and said to myself, "What the shit?!?" I know better then to beat myself up over this, because where is that going to get me? NOWHERE! lol So after coming on here and reading some positive stuff, I'm finally starting to feel a bit better.

I know tomorrow will be a better day, and I plan on getting up early and going for a good long walk. (I'm really going to try to follow through)

XO
 
Just climb back on the wagon. Don't wait until tomorrow, do it NOW.
Don't beat youself up about it, you have only lost one day's weight loss. I find that feeling guilty makes me eat even more so get rid of the guilt. You haven't ruined your diet. You can do it and will do it if you want that baby enough.
Everybody is here to support you, you aren't alone in this and we all have set backs so don't feel like a failure.
What I do if I over indulge is step up the exercise and try to eat filling low cal foods for a few days to make up for the extra calories.
Good luck and I hope that sometime in the not too distant future you will be posting photos of your baby.
Val
 
Thanks Val for the support...I am back on track today, feeling a bit better, and I'm refocused and ready to go :) Your kind words definitely gave me a boost!
 
I'm glad that you are back on track. I've been feeling lazy for a couple of days now. I think it's the start of the hot weather making me feel listless but I made myself go out and walk for and hour and a half and I feel much better now. My problem is that on lazy days I tend to eat more so I need to try and keep myself busy.
 
Hey the title of your Diary is very eye catching.....

I agree with Val. What is done is done, time to move of and refocus. Do you have a weight loss plan??? Are you counting Calories or exercising? I know lots of questions. ..... I find that breaking your ultimate goal into smaller one is helps lots cause reaching a milestone will give you a much needed emotional boos and self confidence to keep going! The support on here is so good!!! Can't wait to see those baby pics!
 
Hey Sugarplum (I leave the "P" out on purpose. Sugarplum is an endearing term. :) ), today is not over! Just jump back on! You will feel so much better! Go for a walk now!
 
Heya. Coming here is the first important step! I think the other guys are right. We all fall off (or don't get started as soon as we'd like to) but the thing is not to let it continue - its the easiest form of self-sabotage and will be your biggest block to achieving what you want to here. We've all been there and IT DOES GET EASIER because as you start to lose weight, you gather momentum, you feel that feeling better about yourself is more of a buzzthan eating that cupcake. But at the start, this is a really difficult connect to make.

I had to literally rethink my attitude towards and relationship to food to try and reset the emotional eating I was doing. I'd encourage you to come here and write about your emotions as a different outlet to going and eating em away. It certainly helped me.

Good luck with your journey and we'll all try and support you however we can.
 
eyckmans - I know what you mean. When it's hot out, it seems to suck the energy out of you! When I was really into power walking, I used to get up super early (which was a serious push lol) and get my exercise in before the sun was too high. That way I knew I would get at least 1 really good workout in before it got too hot. I'm trying to get into that same routine again :)

Verobc - I don't really have a plan... I have just been trying to cut the junk food out and incorporate fruit and veggies into my day instead. There is so much information out there, and I have no idea what to do...I've done a lot of different diets that work for a while, but I always gain the weight back and then some. When I think about diets my head begins to spin LOL! Right now I will take any advise on lifestyle changes, and how to ease into making these changes. As I said to eyckmans, I am definitely trying to get into an exercise routine. :) You're so right about breaking down ultimate goals and breaking them down! That would be way easier!

smileproBec - I definitely felt better after my walk today! Thanks for the encouragement!


jjjay - Thank you so much for the support :) I definitely felt better after venting yesterday. I worry that I am going to de-motivate people by venting my emotional stuff, and that's the last thing I want to do. Should I just not worry about that and concentrate on journaling? I know exactly what you are talking about with 'the buzz', I totally remember feeling so pumped about, well, pretty much everything! lol and it became so much easier to make the good choices. I'm really looking forward to feeling that again :)

Thank you everyone for your support! I am still so amazed at how everyone comes together to help each other out! I love it!

Now...This time I am going to copy and paste this whole post because LAST time I had everything ready to go, but the website booted me for taking so long I guess lol and I had to start over!!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
 
ooooh! Also, I have been reading a really wonderful book called "you can heal your life", by Louise Hay. There is a lot of info on changing the way you think, becoming aware of your self-talk, positive affirmations....It's awesome!!! I don't want to sound like I am pushing anything or selling anything, I just really think a lot of people would benefit from reading it :)
 
Sugarplumpfairy said:
eyckmans - I know what you mean. When it's hot out, it seems to suck the energy out of you! When I was really into power walking, I used to get up super early (which was a serious push lol) and get my exercise in before the sun was too high. That way I knew I would get at least 1 really good workout in before it got too hot. I'm trying to get into that same routine again :)
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i wish I could do that but I look after my elderly dad and can't leave the house until he gets up which usually isn't until 10 or 11 oclock but I need to be there in case he wakes up earlier and needs me.



Sugarplumpfairy said:
jjjay - Thank you so much for the support :) I definitely felt better after venting yesterday. I worry that I am going to de-motivate people by venting my emotional stuff, and that's the last thing I want to do. Should I just not worry about that and concentrate on journaling?
Click to expand...
The whole point of the diary is to write down whatever will help you to get through this so don't worry about de-motivating others.
 
Ooohh, I see, yeah how that wouldn't work. I guess the main thing is that we all just get out there and do it :) And I will stop worrying and just focus on journaling :D lol
 
Wow, I came by to see if you'd made your diary yet and after reading almost cried. I don't have the same diagnosis as you but the translation is the same.....I can't get pregnant until I lose weight. All my husband and I have ever wanted is to be parents and yet no kids yet. Like you said the pressure is tremendous and got worse after we got married, especially after my sister-in-law had her second boy. My husband's family would look at us and say they want a girl now. My mom would bring it up all the time she wanted grandchildren. Well they've stopped saying that so maybe they've given up. Almost 9 years together and we haven't gotten pregnant. I just turned 36....that magic "now or never" 35 came and went. So after just getting my husband through an illness of his own and not taking care of myself, its now in my face that my time in reality has run out. And being around babies and children sometimes is a real trial for me at times now...forget baby showers. People telling me all the time to just adopt but they don't get it, its not the same. I don't know if people say that to you or not but I hate it when they bring it up, well meaning or not...for me its like I'd have to face facts that its a done deal.

And I know exactly what you mean.... knowing how long it will take to lose the weight is just too much. It's going to take too long to lose it, and I have no control over "future me" or what life is gonna toss my way that will bring me to my knees and knock me off my course. Losing weight under this kind of pressure has been way too much. People say losing weight won't solve all your problems, but for me I can trace all my unhappiness right now back to the weight. And you'd think that would be enough. Well this time it has to be, I know this is my last chance.

I know this may seem weird, we don't know each other, but your story hit very close to home and I want you to know you're not alone now. I'm going to make a commitment to be here for you as support, which will help both of us because now I can't just stop logging in :) You just gotta know that its not going to be perfect and you're going to have good days and bad days. One thing that's hard that I know we all struggle with is not letting the small set backs throw us completely off. They're going to happen and wasting negative energy beating ourselves up really hurts more than helps. Its all about learning to roll with the punches and get back in the game. If we can learn to do this we will win :) I'm here for you :grouphug:
 
douknowjello - I can totally relate with you on pretty much everything you said. My sister is going through the same thing as well. She has PCOS and has trying to get pregnant for years :p It is brutal the pressure that is put on us, and the pressure that we put on ourselves. I know people are just generally curious about the whole pregnancy thing because historically it is just what happens after marriage, but it's like a slap in the face. Baby showers are out for me as well - a lot of my friends have toddlers, and I find those really difficult as well. Other people with their kids and babies...I just can't handle it, so I usually don't go. I've heard the 'why don't you adopt' question as well, but I'm just not going to give up. I too can honestly say that pretty much all of my health issues came from the extra weight.

Thank you so much for your kind words, I am definitely am here for you too :) and I don't think it's weird at all, it feels like I've known you for years. Knowing that you are there for me is very comforting, and I'm commiting to be there for you too! Trying to keep positive and forgiving ourselves for our 'bad' days is a big part of getting through this, I think. This is going to work! I think "roll with the punches" will be my new mantra :D We are going to do this, and we will win this battle! :)I hope your day went well, and I am looking forward to hearing from you!

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! :)
 
Guys, my heart goes out to you both over the pregnancy and kids situation.

As for feelings Sugarplump, you write them all down here - its your journal and people make the choice as to whether they want to read or not! And those of us who do will give you all the support that we can. Sometimes you will have bad days sure and need a pick me up from us, other times though you'll have GREAT DAYS and we get the joy of sharing your happiness - roll on the good times I say :D
 
Thanks for the confidence boost jjjay :) You give off really positive energy, I am so thankful for the support!! :) Roll on the good times indeed! :D
 
jjjay said:
Guys, my heart goes out to you both over the pregnancy and kids situation.
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I so agree with you lets hope that wanting something enough and fighting to get it will bring the results that you both want. Everybody deserves a chance to have a baby and I'm sure that you will do everything in your powers to make it happen and hope that any 'fat' photos that you post in the future will be pregnancy ones. xx
 
Hi. I looked in at your diary because the title made me laugh. My advice would be, just take one day at a time. If you take three steps forward and two steps back, you are still ahead of the game. Are you following a specific diet or program?
 
eyckmans - I will definitely post pregger-pics when that day comes :)

Want2lose - Thanks for stopping by! :) Thank you for the great advice :) My plan right now is: stop filling my piehole with crappy food! lol I'm trying to focus on replacing junk food with fresh clean foods. Also, getting my body moving more...walking walking and more walking :)

I know that everyone has their own idea of what is the best plan to follow and what is not...but any advise on what has worked for you all would be much appreciated! I start looking into different programs and I end up getting overwhelmed and confused. :p

The sun is shining today and I am going to enjoy getting some vitamin D!! (with sunscreen of course ;) ) Hope everyone is having a great day so far!

XO
 
Hi SugarP!

If its any consolation, my wife and I started dating when I was 32 she 33. We had our first when she was 38 and our second when she was 40.
Both healthy kids and she did great.

Don't get stressed out about having kids today. Worry about you first. Thats the important thing. You'll have lots of time to worry bout kids after you take care of you.

Looking forward to your progress and here to cheer you on! Good luck and all the best!
 
Thank you for sharing that Flumes...It definitely helps to hear that :) I try to keep the "take care of you first" thought in the front of my mind. Thank you for the encouragement!! :D

Soooooo, yesterday was a pretty good day! The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. It was awesome. We went to see my neice at her recital last night. Omg she is so friggen cute! She is 7 and in highland dancing, and the costumes they wear are awesome lol.

Today back to rain (blah!), typical Vancouver weather ;) We're going to my sister's going away party this afternoon. Ut oh - high calorie food alert! I know there will be a veggie tray there somewhere lol. My sister is leaving on the 17th for the east coast for a couple months. She is one of my best friends, and we talk almost everyday so it's going to be such a strange feeling not being able to just pick up the phone and call her! *sigh* I'm glad she is going though, I think it will be a great experience (*fingers crossed*). What an experience! Thank god for skype! I'm going to miss her like crazy! :)

After we are going to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. Should be nice. I'm definitely not worried about dinner there. Bryan's family always serve heart healthy meals. I plan on just having a sliver of bday cake. :D

Hope everyone's having a great day!

XO
 
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