Project Rox

eyckmans said:
That's the way to go Rox. Use what's wrong in your life to achieve something good :D
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Thanks, Val.

I'm hanging on and really trying to focus on my weightloss.

This morning, i weighed in at... 169.8 lbs!
I'm no longer in the 170's!!
I can hardly believe it. I haven't weighed this little in ages!
 
laureelee07 said:
dear rox,

i am absolutely amazed by your progress! Congratulations on weighing in over your goal, usually people fall off way before they reach their goal!

I am sorry for your husband's infidelity, and mostly for his attitude about it. How horrible.

I send you my good thoughts and continue losing for good health! and for higher heels ;)
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Thanks very much! I have surprised even myself this time! Hard to believe that I've already lost over 50 pounds!!

Thanks for the positive energy. I can use all the help I can get!

ITA about the high heels. I tried to wear a pair at a Christmas party last year- but at 221 lbs, it was SO painful. It's a lot nicer at 169 and will get even better.

Now I've set up my new and final goal. I made a new ticker for it and I'm very excited!

The only positive things in my life right now are my four children and my weight loss success. My love for my kids, my diet and exercise are all that keep me going right now.

As for the father of my children (I no longer consider him as an actual husband)- he's actually being very nice right now. He's very kind to me and does heaps around the house. He's sweeter than he's been in the last seven years, at least!
He seems to want to save our married life together *insert bitter, cynical LOL here* I'm just going along with it and biding my time. I can't afford fights that will upset my children. And i don't want him getting to a lawyer before I do!
 
Sunflower said:
You're being so strong, Rox. Those kids are lucky to have a mum like you. Sending hugs xxx
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Thanks so much! Your virtual hug is appreciated!

As for my husband...he is indeed in for a big, big surprise.
After his first affair was revealed, a few days later we were talking and trying to work things out. His version of it, anyway. One thing he said was something along the lines of "What I'm dreading is getting back home and you being all depressed and mopey and not getting out of bed in the morning."

What a bastard, right?

On top of that, I NEVER get depressed and have never in my life lain around in bed and moped. Well...maybe when I was a moody teenager...but other than that, I'm a "get on with it" kind of person.

Of course, his scenario has not happened. I am polite, cheerful, energetic.. and he is 100 percent clueless that I am going to a lawyer and planning to divorce him..

It will be revenge, but not all that sweet. My children are such a concern...
Sometimes I do feel that it would be best to stay in this marriage, for their sakes....
It's so confusing.
But at least after I've had professional advice, i'll know more what my options are.
 
Take your time to decide what is right for you after talking it over with friends and your lawyer. You don't have to rush into anything now that things have calmed down.
Hugs.
 
Things here are pretty crazy....

This is the worst time of my life in so many ways. My life is shattered...
But I am looking better every day, which is so strange. I've been getting SO many positive comments about my weightloss.

Even my bastard husband is impressed.
He loves my new look and has told me that he's giving up his mistress and wants to rebuild our relationship....I'm thinking that would NOT have been his choice if all of his affairs had been exposed six months ago, before I lost over 50 lbs.
Now that he thinks I look like a "movie star" (his words), he's all about getting me back.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this, but at least I feel that I have options...If I was still very fat, I would be feeling much more trapped and miserable. I have so much more confidence now...and i need it, believe me...

I haven't bought anything much in the way of new clothes. I'm mostly wearing my 17 year old daughter's clothes. I'm wearing a size 12 now in bottoms (smaller on top) but as this is NOT where I'm staying, I don't want to invest too much. My goal is a French size 40...which I guess is about a 8 in US sizes?

I am thinking of posting in "before and after" soon. I'll just have a few befores and some halfway pictures. I feel that the differences between me at 221 lbs and me at 169 are pretty striking... I hope to have time this weekend to get to it....
 
I'd love to see the before and after photos. It will give you a boost to get flattering comments from the forums.
 
Weighed in at 165 today. I should be able to get some good "halfway there" pics now.

I am so sad that I can't eat, though. My marriage is wrecked and to top it off, some awful person ran over my poor cat and drove off I found her laying dead just before our house. She very seldom ever went out and certainly not near the road. It was horrible bad luck and careless driving.
She was killed just minutes before I came home and found her.
This is really the last straw.
I am so angry and so sad. ABout everything.
At least I'm using this bad energy to get thinner and look better....
Turning bad into good, right?

Sorry to be a black cloud of doom. My life is pretty tough right now. Some days, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel....
 
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Things are not good, but I am feeling a bit better. Losing my poor cat was hard...and my husband is still a bastard.

On the other hand, I am still on board with my eating...
Exercise is harder, as things are pretty crazy here. We have a Romanian friend living with us for a week. He's helping us renovate our kitchen...
Yes, my husband thought it was the perfect time to invest in the house. I guess he thinks it will make me less mad at him.
It's not working, btw.

On the other hand, it's great to have the house looking good, as I definitely want it for the kids when we split up...

Anyway- I can hardly believe that I've lost over 56lbs since I started in April 2010! Even though so many other things in my life suck right now, i can still point to that continuing success in my life.
I'm getting closer and closer to my goal...and after losing 56 lbs, I'm sure that I can make it through the final 20 or so!!

According to some charts, I am now out of the "overweight" category for my height and frame. And I have to say, that while i don't feel thin at all, I do feel like I look pretty normal. I can go into any shop and find cute things to try on! Such a change for me!

I still have things in life to enjoy and need to remember that.
I love my children and enjoy spending time with them. They mean the world to me.
I am enjoying my new, healthy body. I love getting checked out by men again! I even had a guy ask for my phone number!!!!!
I am enjoying taking music and singing lessons at the local music conservatory.
I still have many friends that care about me...
and
I have this board as an outlet for my feelings and as a source of inspiration. Though i don't post much, I still enjoy reading about everyone's struggles and successess.

So, while my marriage of 19 years is a near-complete loss, I still have lots of good in my life.

I have to remember that.
 
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That's such a great attitude Rox, keep positive. You're counting your blessings and that's awesome considering what you're going through. Thinking of you xxx
 
Thanks!
I am really trying to keep positive and get my life in order!

I just had another guy ask me out today, btw. I am starting to think taht maybe I'm not washed-up romantically at age 45 ;-)
I was at the music store and a guitarist asked to take me out for coffee.
I didn't have time, so we're meeting on Monday.
I don't plan to be naughty...it's more just to enjoy some male attention and admiration.
 
I weighed in at 161.4 this morning...
Hard to believe that I've lost nearly 60 lbs now...
Only 17 more to go! then I'll see what i think. the last time i weight that was in college and I was much younger and more toned. I don't imagine I'll look nearly as good now, 20 years later!
I'll definitely need to be getting more exercise as I lose the very last of this excess weight! Weight-training will be super-important, i imagine.

For a while, I have wanted to post "before and halfway" pics...but I've waited so long now that I need new "halfway" photos. I weighed 8 lbs more when the first ones were taken and I'd like to have some at my current weight. When I weighed 200 lbs, an eight lbs loss was almost invisible. But now it makes a huge difference in how my clothes fit and how I look.

Things on the marriage front are..not great, as you may imagine. It turns out that my husband meant he'd give up his mistress NOT right now, but at some future point in time.
He can't see her right now, as she lives in Africa, but he still writes her emails daily and calls her.
And he expects me to be sweet, kind and understanding and wait for him to "make up his mind".
When I said that I didn't want to wait and he'd better stop all contact with her, he told me not to "threaten" him.
I think this situation is unsavable...
I've been reading lots about fixing up marriages ruined by infidelity and not ONE thing I read ever recommended that the cheating spouse keep in contact with his lover. They all say you have to end it and then start to work on your marriage.
It's been two months since his affairs came out and he still hasn't stopped...so I guess it's obvious that he's beyond hope.
It was probably silly to think there was any good left in him at all. But I guess that after 19 years of marriage, I still had some tiny, small hope that he valued me and our family.
Boy, was I wrong!

But I'll certainly be better off without him.
When I look at all the weight i've lost and all the effort and discipline that has taken, I see that I am capable of doing great things with my life... This journey towards a new and improved body has given me confidence that i lacked before. It may have even saved my life...

I'm job hunting now, of course. This week, I was approached by a guy looking for singers to teach in a multi-cultural music seminar. i could hardly believe my luck! But then it turned out that he doesn't even have any funding in place yet for his project. so, if it happens, it will be in one or two years...and i need a job NOW.
On the other hand, I certainly encouraged him to keep me in mind if his project works out...

At any rate, I seem to be managing to move forward, despite my troubles....

I sure will be happy to get down into the 150's. Should be next week!
 
60lbs is fantastic, looking forward to seeing the photos. :)
You're so right about your husband. How can he expect you to forgive and forget when he hasn't even got the decency to finish with the other woman.
Good luck with the job hunting. It's a shame that the other job isn't available now.
It's so good to hear you sounding so positive and planning for your future :D You will get through this and probably come through a lot happier than your husband. You certainly deserve to.
 
Thanks so much, Val.
I REALLY have to do some new photos now, as I weighed in this morning at 158.6 lbs (72.1kg) I just need to find a time when my daughter is here at home to take a few pictures and my husband is not around. I really don't want him to know anything about my life and activities.

I finally told my husband that I'm serious about divorcing him and that I don't want him around any more. He's having trouble with this. He suggested a "separation"...but to him, that involves him still living here at the house with me- which is SO not going to work. I'm just so sick of him and his lies.
I'm calling the lawyer today for another appointment, to start the papers being drawn up.


I'm feeling good about myself! I'm losing weight, job hunting, going to school and keeping my kids happy. So, in all the important areas, I'm doing really well!
 
Well done Rox. I can honestly say that I feel proud of you and your new found confidence. What a change in just a few weeks. You haven't just sat around and overeaten and felt sorry for yourself but have faced it head on and found solutions to your problems.
You are actually in a better position mentally than your husband now as he now has to start thinking about what he is going to do after being lulled into a false sense of security :)
 
It gives me encouragement and hope to know that there are good people out in the world who believe in me and see what I'm accopmplishing here. thanks for being there for me, Val. You're a treasure!

The funny thing is, I think my husband still has no real clue that he is going to be divorced. He still seems to have this crazy belief that I'm going to change my mind and say that he should stay with me AND keep his nice mistress. He is so f***ed up that it's not really even all that funny. He cannot face the reality that he destroyed our marriage, so he clings to stupid beliefs that are not true. And his mistress encourages him, of course. i know that in her emails, she assures him that I'll eventually "calm down" and accept the situation as it has been...her as the African wife and me as the wife here in France.
It's actually really grotesque.

I hestitate to kick him out quite yet, though. I'm still saving/hiding money and I'm job hunting. I'm thinking I'll have the papers drawn up soon and have him sign in early November. I hope I can hold out that long! I might crack before that and throw the creep out before that, despite money issues.

Here's my good news of the day now, to balance out all the negative:
I just weighed in today at... 71.8kg. That's 157.9 lbs!! I am so very pleased!
The stress of my life, combined with careful eating habits must be burning the fat right off me, I guess!

My diet pal here is finally ready to start exercising with me again. we do step together and it's lots of fun! i'm really looking forward to it!!
 
Holy cow Rox! You've lost so much weight!!! I'm so happy for you in that front. You seem to be piecing your life together after having it messed up, I'm so sorry you are going through that. Your soon to be ex husband's cluelessness to the gravity of the situation astounds me!! Should the tables have been turned he would not be so indecisive and slow.

I admire how strong you are through all of this and I know you'll pull through fine, Good luck!
 
I read your diary from beginning to end and you have got to be one of the strongest and most determined people in all of France AND the USA. Your courage, dedication to weight loss and your incredible strength as a loving mother are so admirable. I'm so sorry to hear about your cats and of course your "husband" and his infidelity...amazing that anyone can be so cruel and care so little for his family that loves him, but you and certainly all of us know that you are going to come out on top.

Thinking all the best for you.
 
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