Project C

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Honestly, I've never been really happy about myself. Not just weight-wise but in general. I've always felt... Socially inept. A lil gawky. I felt like I didn't fit in. And I always wanted to lose weight... And sometimes I did but I'd just put it back on. I always thought I had a lot of time to lose the weight but I realized I'm turning 25 this year. And I thought I was OKAY... Overweight... But no permanent damage... Right? Wrong again. I was told I am diabetic. Am and forever will be. I need to smarten up and change now or I'm gonna probably die before I hit 50.

So how much weight do I wanna lose? As much as possible? ;)
Seriously though... My highest weight was 308. My current weight is 284. My ideal weight is 125. That's about another 160 pound weightloss that means. The deadline for Project C (this is what I am calling it) in on my birthday in about 4 years... That's August 11, 2010. That's when I'll be 29 years old. According to my fitday, that means I should lose about 0.7 pounds a week which is do-able and realistic as long as I keep going and not slack off.

I'm not on any diet or fad. I'm just trying to eat right. I have a nutritionist who's given me a diet to follow for my diabetic needs. The idea is 2 servings of starch per meal along with maximum 3 oz of meat, unlimited amount of veggies and at least 2 glasses of milk daily. Fruit depends on my sugar levels. I plan to start exercising once I get my lazy butt off the couch but for now I'm mainly watching my diet, my calories, my fat intake.

Like I mentioned before I'm using Fitday to keep me on track. I have a journal at another site and I am part of other message boards. I feel like I don't get enough support from my friends and family members. They're great... But they just don't understand the temptations. They'd cheer for me but then ask if I want some chocolate cake. My best friend is only 5'2" and weighs 120 pounds. And she loves fat and grease. And sometimes expect me to eat the same food that she does. I just can't. So I rely alot of my support on support groups. My boyfriend is great though. He really supports me and he just wants me to healthy. But he's not always here either to watch over me. It's basically me and my willpower/determination now with some help from people online like me (that's you who's reading this :) )

Well, that's it for now I guess. I better end this before I write a book. So umm... This is me. And this is my journal. And um... Thanks for reading I guess! :D
 
You Have The Right Info , So Now All Is Up To Just Getting It Done. You Know How Hard It Can Be Since You Have Done It Before. And I Know Its Hard To , But You Will Have A Whole Lot Of Help Here There Are Some Wonderful People On This Forum And I Have Really Liked Being Here And Made Some Great Friends Here ,that Have Helped Me So Much On Keeping Me On Track, Ok Now For The Exercise I Will Say The Best Inspiration I Have Gotten So Far Is From The Biggest Looser Dvd I Just Love This Workout, I Recommend It To Anyone To Go Get This Dvd Aint But 10.00 At Wally World .so I Hope You Do Great Here And We Are Al Ways Here When You Need Us .
 
I just want to welcome you to the forum! You will find alot of support here! There is challenges going on all the time. You should sign up for one! If you have any questions let me know!!
 
Gone Vegetarian for a Day

Thanks for the welcome ladies. And thanks for the tip on the DVD, I'll see if I can find it at my nearest Walmart and/or Futureshop.

Welp, today was actually kinda odd... I went a day without meat~! It was odd. And weird. And I was actually well... Full. It's strange but true. I didn't hadn't really planned it. For the longest while now, I've been having some vegetarian lunches just because it's healthier and I wanted to cut back on my meat intake (apparently, my uric acid is high). Anyways, so I had just made myself a mini-breakfast full of veggies when I decided, "Hey, I can eat try to eat JUST veggies today." For breakfast, I had a chickpea sandwich. Then lunch, a tomato sandwich with some lettuce and a lil cheese. And then dinner a grilled veggie sandwich. Plus I loaded up on cucumbers and baby carrots throughout all meals. Had my 2 glasses of milk AND my 8 glasses of water. Wow. I feel sooo... soo.. healthy. The only UNHEALTHY part of my day was when I ate some chips and a lil guacamole. But fairly good all and all.

Wow. I feel soo... so... So much like a Rabbit. :rolleyes:
 
wow. I said NO to sushi buffet. :eek:

That NEVER happens.

My best friend and I LOVE sushi... (how much you'll find out after a few weeks of reading my journal.) I'm totally a sushi slut. :p I love it. I'd get pangs for sushi almost every week to 2 weeks. And my best friend who's only 120-some pounds is the same way and I guess we encourage each other. But I'm weighing in about 285 here. Anyways, she called me in yesterday to ask me if I wanted to go to sushi buffet with her yesterday... and I said, "NO." I don't believe I said no... A part of me kinda wanted to phone her back and say, "HELL YES!" But I didn't. I had some frozen pizza earlier which was already bad of me (thankfully, I loaded it up with some veggies). So I figured that was the "bad me" for the day and I wouldn't eat anything else. So I turned her down. I always over indulge myself at sushi buffet anyways.... Not only do I eat sashimi and sushi, I get BBQ short ribs, garlic steak, ice cream, chicken wings, seaweed salad... The works!

So to compromise, I made sushi at home. Some avocado rolls, cucumber rolls and california rolls. Not much. Just a few... About 36 pieces. I only ate about 12 pieces for dinner. And then I saved the rest for lunch today. My brother and I split the remaining 24 pieces today. Man... It's hard to say no to your favourite dish... But I think I did alright. I'm kinda proud of myself for that. :rolleyes:
 
Fantastic!

Ahh, the beauty of denying instant gratification for a bigger reward down the road. Be proud of yourself, ya done good :) I don't think we give ourselves enough credit when we do good.

Keep up the good work :p

Chris
 
Thanks Chris.

Y'know what the hardest thing about holidays are? The food. And all the parties and the eating out. It's just... Insane! If I locked myself in my house forever with an elliptical, I'm pretty sure I'd lose weight (hey, it worked for Big Brother people). But the holidays always means spending time with friends and family and food. Lots of it. And it's always the greasy fatty foods.

Although I said no to the sushi buffet, I had dim sum with my family today. I tried to only eat the steamed dumplings though. Nothing too fat or greasy looking. Nothing deep fried or even pan-fried. It was hard to find anything in that category. Still though, when I got back, I had horrible tummy ache. My Mom says it's proabably because I'm not used to eating fatty foods lately and my body is rejecting the fat. Since I've barely had any grease or fat in my body for the last few months, my stomach can't handle it. It's happened to me before when I ate larger amounts of greasy food... But I could always handle dim sum before. Guess my body's just not used to it anymore.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting my best friend, Angie and we're having Indian food. Yummy. It's gonna be a lunch buffet but I'll watch what I eat. That's fine. I don't love Indian food so I don't splurge and over-indulge. It's too spicy for me. Then after lunch, I'm meeting another friend, Brian, downtown. We like to take long walks together. Sometimes in malls and other times just exploring the downtown core. It's gonna be fun. Last time we did a long walk, we did almost 10 miles! Insane! So not only will I get to spend time with a friend and see the sights of my hometown but I get LOTS of exercise too. Plus it's gonna be GORGEOUS tomorrow. We're gonna explore St. Lawrence's Market downtown which is a farmer's market. I won't buy any food I promise. :D
 
I paid the price for all that walking it seems... Cause my legs hurt like hell. I think I may have pulled a muscle or strained some ligament cause it huuuuuuurrts!! :( :( I'm almost like wobbling from room to room. Waaaah!! :(
 
I was looking at my old 3fc journals... I found something I wrote over a year ago. November 5th, 2003 to be exact. For me to get motivated I tried to think of 101 reasons why I should lose weight... Heh.

One Hundred and One Reasons Why I Should and Want to Lose Weight...

1-I want to fit into GAP & Le Chateaux clothes
2-I don't want to buy clothes from plus size department stores anymore
3-I don't want to wear clothes that make me look 40 because they fit me
4-I want to be healthy :)
5-I don't want to die young
6-I want to be able to run to the corner store and not get tired
7-I want to get compliments of looking sexy and pretty and not just "cute"
8-I want to wear cute & sexy clothes like baby-Ts!
9-Better sex life~! WOOT~!! :D
10-I don't want to be the one who gets tired after walking a few flights of stairs.
11-I don't want to have ankle & feet soreness anymore due to my weight
12-I don't want to be 40 and then lose weight and be all flabby everywhere
13-I don't want to be self-conscious of my weight
14-I don't want to always be wondering, "Are they laughing at me?" :(
15-I want my boyfriend to be able to pick me up and whirl me around when he sees me.
16-I want to fit into small little cars and not feel squished.
17-I want to be able to use the seatbelts even when they're not that long.
18-I don't want to wear bulky and heavy clothes anymore
19-I want to buy shoes that aren't with "added width"
20-I want a bra that fits~!! (my breasts are small but i'm not. do the math)
21-No more stubby fingers and toes!
22-I want to feel confident!
23-I want people to notice me first and not my weight issue
24-I want people (ie: mom, dad, brother) to stop nagging me to lose weight
25-I want to prove to those who think I can't lose weight that I CAN!
26-I want to go into a bathroom stall and not feel cramped
27-I want to have flexibility and touch my toes
28-I want to SEE my toes!
29-I want to dance on the dance floor all night long and not feel self-conscious
30-I don't want to be known as the "fat Chinese girl"
31-I want my period to be regulated
32-I want to have kids... Or at least know that I can!
33-I want lower cholesterol
34-I don't want a stroke in the future
35-I want to lower my blood pressure
36-I don't want to get diabetes
37-I don't want any thyroid problems like my Mom
38-I want to stop being ashamed for being overweight
39-I want to fit under a small umbrella even with my big school bag strapped behind me
40-I want to be able to climb and not feel my body dragging me down
41-I want to tumble on the ground
42-NO MORE FLABBY ARMS!
43-NO MORE BIG BUTTS!
44-NO MORE CELLULITE IN MY THIGHS!
45-NO MORE DOUBLE CHINS!
46-NO MORE PUDGY CHEEKS!
47-NO MORE BIG TUMMYS!
48-I want to be able to scratch my mid-back
49-I want to be able to put on my bra from behind
50-I want to have a smaller ring size
51-I want to buy a mailman shoulder/strap bag (they never sit on me right because the strap is too short)
52-I want my Mom to stop worrying about my health... And start worrying about hers!
53-I want to get a good job and not be discriminated due to my appearance
54-I want to stop thinking, "I'm ugly."
55-If I jump, I don't want the whole house to "bounce" with me
56-I don't want to be the center of the "fat jokes"
57-I want to be the center of attention (in the good way)
58-I want to be adored~!
59-I want to be able to sit down and not have something "buldge" out from my tummy
60-I don't want to weigh as much or even remotely close to Homer Simpson's weight! :(
61-I want to be in my "size-height" braket
62-I don't want my BMI to be around the 40s range
63-SLINKY RED DRESS~!
64-Lingerie. hehe.
65-Bikinis and thongs to be an option... and not just the grandma panties
66-I want to be able to run and feel the air
67-I want to sit at the theatres and not feel squished
68-I don't want to break any chairs.
69-I don't want that piece of fat behind my back anymore... makes me look like i got a hump. :(
70-I want to wear a bra and not have "stuff" hanging out
71-I don't want to wear longer necklaces because I have a big neck
72-I don't want to go to the restaurant and feel I am ordering the most
73-I don't want to go to the restaurant and feel self-conscious to order dessert
74-I don't want to go to the restaurant and order more than the guy next to me
75-I don't want to pigout because I'm depressed! :(
76-I want to stop saying I'll lose weight... And actually DO IT!
77-I want to do something I can be proud of
78-I want to do something that my family & friends will be proud of
79-I want to be able to do the hula-hoop!
80-I want to stop buying all those weight-loss books
81-I want to stop feeling I got gypped by buying all those weight-loss books
82-I want to eat healthier
83-I don't want to sit on the bus and feel squished
84-I don't want to take up 1 and 1/4 of a seat on the bus
85-I don't want to hold in a deep breath to use the seat belts on the plane
86-I want to look half-way decent at least in a bathing suit
87-I don't want to feel self-conscious in a bathing suit. And just have fun at the pool or beach!
88-I want to be wear low rise jeans
89-I want to be able to do cartwheels again
90-I want to live til I'm 90~!
91-I want to stop wishing to be thin and BE THINNER
92-I want to eat ice cream and NOT have it go directly to my thighs... GO METABOLISM GO! ;)
93-I don't want to feel like the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man in my winter jacket
94-I want to sit with my legs crossed and not feel I have to lean against something for support
95-I want to do crunches and not give up on "5"
96-I don't want to be doing this yo-yo thing again and again (ie: lose weight, gain it back, lose weight, gain it back)
97-I don't want any more tummy aches (heartburn due to eating late at night)
98-I don't want to do double the amount of laundry because I have double the amount of material
99-I want to dance on the dance floor and not feel myself... *ahem* "jiggle" :p
100-I want my boyfriend to be able to wrap his arms around me and just cuddle with me. ;)
101-I want to sing Bootylicious and not feel awkward :p
Click to expand...

And since for #36, it's too late now... Since I DO have diabeties.

The new 36 is...

36-NO MORE DIABETIC MEDICATION! WOoooOT!
 
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It's Me. Not the Scale.

Something I wrote outta frustation in my other non-diet journal...

Trying to lose weight is alot of fuckin' work. More work than most people would probably realize.

First thing of all, there's the natural thing of just exercising more. Moving more. Going to the gym 3x a week. But then there are other things... Like trying to think up of different meals everyday that are exciting and fat free. And needing to make different meal apart from what the rest of the family is having cause you're trying to lose weight and eat generally healthier and everyone is eating suckling pig, roasted duck and BBQ pork... And there you're sitting chewing on some cold wet lettuce. And trying to resist when your friends want to go out for sushi buffet or ANY restaurant for that matter and you need the willpower to say, "No. Sorry, not today" cause you know you'd wreck your diet and fall back to your old ways if you did.

But wait, there's more...
If you're watching your fat, sodium, calorie, water, calcium and all that intake and all that... You're gonna need to be a bit of a math whiz or at least have a calculator with you all the time. Don't forget to bookmark a measurement converter to your favourite links. You'd need it. When you gotta figure out exactly how many ounces of water is a liter. You gotta drink 64 oz of water a day. But how much is that in metric? Ah! So you finally figure out 64 oz of water is just slightly less than 2 liters of water. Congratulations. Wait! How are you gonna remember/know you drank 64 oz of water today? Better lug that 2 liter water bottle everywhere. Counting calories eh? Checking fats huh? Better bring that book with you that lists EVERY single food item on the planet EXCEPT the single dish you are eating NOW. Damn "westernized" weight loss books... Asians might want to lose weight too. How hard is it to have roasted suckling pig in the book? Oh wait. ALL Asians are thin... Except YOU.

Hmm? You're diabetic like me too huh?
Well, this puts a damper on things... here start by eating this pill twice a day during meals. Oh. Wait. Here's some more. These are hormonal pills which will make you all weird and crazy. And some days you'll be cranky, other days you'll feel like you're bloated and crave for foods like butter chicken with phad thai and a side of KFC hot wings. Some days, you'll be horny as hell and other days you won't care much. But these pills will make your period regular. Oh wait... You've been taking them for 3 months now and you're still not regular. Oh well. Hm. Wait. You look pale. You must not be eating enough. Here take these multi-vitamin pills and these calcium pills. Afterall, you ARE a girl and your bones will start breaking once you hit the age of 30.

So since you're diabetic, you gotta eat properly now. Maximum two servings of carbs per meal which must be matched with maximum 3 oz of protein. Don't forget to eat tons of veggies. But wait. There's milk too. .. Still gotta drink twice a day. But not at the same time though!

It's been a few weeks now, go weigh yourself. What? You haven't lost anything! Maybe you're just full of water. Go pee and do it again. Nope. Still that heavy. Take off your clothes. Clothes add 2 pounds. Nope. Still that heavy. Sorry, seems like it's you. Wait. Don't kick the scale. It's not its fault that you're heavy and fat.
Click to expand...

:( :mad: :(
 
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Hi there :eek: ,

Just checking up on ya, hang in there. It's tough but you seem strong enough to go through this.

I reread your top 100 list due to insomnia :(. Gosh, it got me a bit teary eyed.

I always wonder why I have failed so many diets...but i think if we all stick to whatever diet you're on currently, and visit this forum, it will give you the drive and focus to stay on track.

Again, best of luck!
 
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Wahoo?

Thanks Kinyo for the words of encouragement. It's been hard these last couple of days. I feel... Shlumpy. I've plateau-ed and it's hard to get excited when u're just ONE pound away from your mini-goal and suddenly plateau-ing. :(

I just came back from my nutritionist’s at the Diabeties Clinic at the hospital. She says I’m doing fine. I no longer have to see her anymore. I understand the rules of eating and all that to get and stay healthy. This is great news… Cept why am I not joyous? And rather still kinda depressed and a lil anxious? :confused: :( :confused:
 
You actually sound a bit like me- I'm almost 24, highest weight was 280ish, when I started here, I was at 275(that was December) and I'm now down to 245. I am still gigantic, but I'm working my ass off(literally :) ) and even tho I have days where I feel "shlumpy" and a bit depressed and anxious, I know that the next day will be better, and thats the greatest thing you can do for yourself- is remember that you always have tomorrow. If you have a meal screwup(which we ALL do) don't let it ruin the rest of your day, just get back on track, and don't feel guilty about it, otherwise- well ya know, ya just feel crappy. Your 100list- a lot of that is how I feel. I don't have diabetes, and I'm trying damn hard to stay away from that, but I know alot of people who have it, and they all do a fantastic job of being able to stay away from meds, so I totally know you can do this!! My mom died of a heart attack two years ago, so I'm trying to get my health back up there to. We can all do this together :D hang in there, even on shlumpy days!

Oh- and your mom was right- it takes 21 days fpr your body to pretend it hasn't had something before- I haven't had fastfood in five months, and I know if I were to eat greasy right now, I wouldn' be feelin to good!!

Keep up the good work, your doin great, and we're all here for ya!
 
Hang in there :eek:

Try not to think of it as much, I know it's hard to just totally ignore it. But use it as a drive to fuel you. For the past 2 1/2 weeks of eating clean, I feel skinnier, although the scale doesn't say so otherwise, but I keep going.

I often fantasize so much about being actually skinny that I break down to tears :( . I know, I'm a guy and all, but guys have feelings too...

I just take it day by day, make it apart of your life...try to keep yourself occupied with other things and you'll be fine

P.S: I notice your name has an anime-like tone to it, do you watch? I have recently become a fan (I'm also chinese :p) and have picked up on Full Metal Alc.
 
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Jess-Wow. That's great! I wish I was 245~! :D I'm sorry to hear about your mom but I'm sure she'd be proud of you right now. :) Cause I know I'm like, "wow!"

Kinyo-Thanks. It's been a rough the last week for me to stay on track and motivated. And I think all of us here have daydreamed about losing weight... Man or woman. We all wanna look good and fit. :) I think the tears just shows HOW MUCH you want to lose the weight. And yes, my name is somewhat anime inspired. I am a big fan of Initial D. My first name is Caroline. So it was a good combo name... C's my initial and I love that anime. Heh.

As for me... I'm feeling better I guess. I lost 2 more pounds. So I FINALLY passed my mini-goal. yay. I'm really happy about it... cept with other things going on right now I'm not as thrilled as I should be. I pretend to be brave and happy but I'm not...

I was recently told by someone whom I thought I was friends with that we're not actually friends. It is a person I met online and have known for several years (almost 4 years). One day I was talking to her and she's showing me pictures of her dog. Next moment, I'm off her MSN list. And when I confronted her to ask her why, she just simply said she thought about our relationship and we're not really friends. To be honest, I can accept that... What I can't accept was that by basically clicking delete on my name, she had no further intentions to talk to me again. So not only was I NOT a friend, I wasn't even a good acquaintance whom you'd say hi & wassup every once and awhile. This has gotten me a bit down and a lil angry. Cause I thought our relationship was worth AT LEAST that. But apparently, I was wrong.

Frankly, I feel hurt about it but I'm trying to not let that show and not that deter me... I'm not gonna consume a bunch of candy bars. I'm not gonna chow down on chips or pig out in a restaurant. Food's always been an everything for me... Not just a comfort food. But I relied on it for everything. When I was happy. When I was sad. When I had to celebrate. It's just a theme. So for me to not run to a bag of chips now... It's kinda hard. I'm just trying to deal, move on, forget about it. I'm feeling discouraged about it all but I'm trying to hang on.
 
Thanks Kinyo. It's been a week or so now and I've slowly come to accept it.

There is a shinning beacon of happiness at the end of the tunnel though, I lost 2 more pounds this week. That means I'm now 280. WOOT! And only 5 pounds away from my Mother's Day Challenge goal of 275 pounds. I hope I can make it... It's only 2 weeks away. Eeep!!

I was a bad Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I started with Subway... But by dinner time, I ended up getting Chinese take-out and an extra dish of BBQ suckling pig! EEEP! Then Sunday, my friends came over. We made guacamole with Tostitos. I had frozen yogurt and then... HONEY-GARLIC WINGS! GAH! I mean I ate fresh veggies too... But the wings killed me. Today, I went out again but I made a better choice at least... Cajun Chicken Sandwich with a salad (garlic vinagarette on the side). Ah well... I'll try harder this remaining week. p'-'q

FIVE MORE POUNDS TIL MY GOAL! WOOT!
 
sorta... I'm mainly just walking more. I have a gym membership but I haven't been going lately. ~___~;; I plan to start going um... soon. :rolleyes: I enjoy walking more right now since the weather is nicer. admittedly though, this week I've been kinda lazy. I'm home sick with a cough & cold. I feel like craaaaaaap.

i guess this might be a blessing in disguise... my throat is so swollen that even if I wanted to eat right now I can't. :p
 
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