Pequin Weight Journal

pequin

pequin

New member
Journal entry for: 9/11/2006​

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that?”

Here are a few reason that I want/need to lose weight:

  • to feel better & get off of these pills
  • to be healthier
  • to look better
  • so that I can have my picture taken without feeling self consious
  • so I can sit with my legs crossed
  • so that I’m not the fattest one in the family photos
  • so I don’t have to shop at Lane Bryant
  • to boost my confidence
  • so I can go shopping with Kasa and NOT get winded
  • so that I am less embarassing to be around
  • so I can feel normal
  • so I don’t waddle
  • so that I can paint my toes without wedging myself against the couch
  • so I can get a tattoo without worrying what the artist is thinking of my body

Breakfast: 1 Kashi Granola Bar, 1 container of yogurt and 8 oz. glass of fruit punch.
Lunch: Thia Spicy Noodle Soup with 6 baby carrots, 1/2c. soy bean curnals, sliver of onion and green pepper, 2T. cilantro, twist of lime.
Supper: Skinless Baked Chicken Breast with Barbque sauce, potato salad made with fresh veggies, red potatoes, plain yogurt and very little mayo, sauteed green beans with onions.
Dessert: 1 small piece (1/10th) Apple Cinnabon Pie
Total Calories: 1532

Water: 3 20oz bottles
Exercise: 0.27 miles, very fast pace (not too bad, when I stopped walking 4 months ago I was up to 1/2 mile a day - before that it was like, one block before I go too winded to continue)
 
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Woo Hoo Pequin!

Welcome to your diary!
What a GREAT start :D

Your menu looks great, and I can SO relate to your reasons for wanting to lose this weight!

Good for you for taking control - we CAN lose this weight :)

Glad to hear you're back to walking - it makes a huge difference - make a point of measuring yourself, so that as you lose the weight and are walking more, you will REALLY be able to see the difference :)

Good for you for starting a diary, and I look forward to getting to know you :)
 
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Journal entry for: 9/12/2006

Thank you for the comments, unfortunately I didn't fair as well today. I went over my 2000 cals by 66 - oops. But I don't feel too bad about it as most of it was veggies. I did get all of my water in and that's saying something for me, most days I'm lucky to drink a full 20oz.

Journal entry for: 9/12/2006​
I feel like an alcoholic counting the days. Is it sort of the same thing? Squashing a vice that's taken over. I don't know, I’ve never been an alcoholic but that's what it feels like right now.

I go to the doctor on Thursday. I'd like to see a minor weight change but I'm not getting my hopes up since I just started this whole thing. When I weighted in at his office 6 weeks ago I was about my current weight. I weighted 5lb. less at the Cardiologist's, then 7lb. less at the Gynecologist’s but my home scale says it's up again. My doctor suggested, with a very serious look on his face, that I lose half my body weight. He was tactful about it, which is more than I can say about other doctors.

I’m finding that it’s a bit easier this time around. Maybe because I want to more than any other time I tried to lose weight. Before it was to impress relatives, “When we go back to Nebraska, I want to wow them!” but that only lasted about as long as it took to bake a cake.

I’m going to stick with it, this time I have the tools, a calorie counter, a journal, a running map so that I can figure up how far I’ve walked and I have support this time. The only thing that’s keeping me from my goal, is me not taking the initiative.

"Perhaps nobody ever accomplishes all that he feels lies in him to do; but nearly every one who tries his power touches the walls of his being." -Charles Dudley Warner

Breakfast: 1 Kashi Granola Bar, 1 container of blueberry yogurt and 4 oz. glass of OJ.
Lunch: Thia Spicy Noodle Soup with 6 baby carrots, 3 green beans, sliver of onion and green pepper, 2T. canned mushrooms, 2T. cilantro, twist of lime.
Snack: 1/2c. Soy Beans with 1/4c. sliced carrots & onion, soy dressing with 1/2t. soy sauce, 1/4t. sesame oil & twist of lime.
Supper: Spaghetti with sauce (Italian sausage, onion, mushrooms, carrots, bell pepper & garlic), 2T. Parmesan cheese and a salad ( lettuce, sprouts, onion & avocado) with 1 t. Ranch dressing.
Dessert: 1 small piece (1/10th) Apple Cinnabon Pie
Total Calories: 2066

Water: 3 20oz Bottles
Exercise: .5 miles, very slow paced walk
 
Dumped

Journal Entry for: 09/13/2006​
Seemed like a normal day, nothing too out of the ordinary. Took a shower, finished an order from ... But then the boyfriend (now known as 'Bendajo Von Bastardo' ) of 6 years says to check my email. I read it and called him back and ask "You're dumping me in an email??!", he says yeah and he won't move away from home (in Arkansas) to be with me (in Indiana).

Nice. I got dumped today.

I'm not as upset as I thought I would be. I'm almost relieved to be free of the obligation. I can work on me and not feel like I'm being self centered. I'm just sad, I feel a bit of emptiness and part of me wants to just cry. He was my first and up to this point, only, boyfriend/lover. We were going to get married, I thought. But we've been here before, almost exactly one year ago. We got back together in January after a very nice Christmas visit. But that's ok, I will now call this 9 month trial period, "the obligatory beating of the dead horse".

Yes, today it is over. Tomorrow it will continue to be over. It's sad. But the Universe will take care of me, who knows what better things (or people) are just beyond the horizon.

I realized today that I'm dealing with emotion better. Normally I would dive into the nearest burger and drown my sorrows but I don't want to eat. I dumped all his letters and pictures into a bag and shoved them in the top of the closet (waaay in the very back), I retired the engagement ring and other sentimental items, I went for a walk, I drove around for an hour with the radio all the way up listening to the loud rock station, I've had The Wrecker's "Leave the Pieces" on loop for the past 45 minutes and I skipped lunch. But I didn't raid the Burger King's treasure chest and that, my friend, is a big leap forward.

Weigh-in tomorrow at the doctor's office, wish me luck! (yeah, I typed "wish me lunch"- maybe skipping two meals wasn't such a good idea ;) )

"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present." -Barbara De Angelis

Breakfast: Skipped - woke up too late to eat.
Lunch: Skipped - got dumped and went for a walk instead.
Snack: Mini Orange Gel & 1/2 Peach Smoothie from Sonic
Supper: Taco burger with minimal cheese, 1t. homemade salsa & 1T. sour cream, 7 corn chips with 1/2c. homemade salsa.
Dessert: 1 small piece (1/10th) Apple Cinnabon Pie (thank GOD that thing is finally out of the house!)
Total Calories: 1061

Water: 3 20oz bottles
Exercise: .32 miles, fast paced walk
 
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I'm sorry you just went through being dumped, but it's good that you're able to see it in a positive light. And that you had control (ie no Burger King) through it all is very commendable! I wish you all the best at your doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Sifen
 
Woohoo

Journal Entry for: 09/14/2006​
Yay yay! I've lost 9lb (mostly water I'm VERY sure) since my weigh-in on Monday and more importantly, 3lb since my appointment 6 weeks ago. I'm thrilled! Dr. McDoctor seem quite pleased as well. He says that I should lower my goal to 260lb - that will get me out of the dangerous BMI.

I have an appointment with a dietitian in late October and a follow up visit with Dr. McDoctor in 6 weeks. So here's hoping all goes well between now and then.

Breakfast: 1 Kashi Granola Bar, 1/2 container of Black Cherry Yogurt
Lunch: 1/2 of a homemade rice bowl, (1c. soybean kernels, 3/4c. steamed rice, 3 baby carrots, 1T. finely chopped onion, 1T. soy sauce, 1/4t. sesame oil, 1/4t. wasabi & 2.28oz container Chicken of the Sea Orange Marinated Salmon [the reason I only ate half, bleck!])
Supper: 1/2 chicken breast cooked with mushrooms, onion, garlic & cream of mushroom soup (98% fat free), 1/3c. no yolk noodles & a small salad with carrots, mushrooms, sprouts & 1T. ranch dressing.
Dessert: 1/4c. ice cream & one chocolate chip cookie
Total Calories: 1425

Water: 4 20oz bottles
Exercise: none. :(
 
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hi there i just read your posts, youare totaly rockin this healthy new life style, and ya know what maybe the break-up was meant to be, cuz now you can relly concentrate on you, you are worth it and congrats on the 9lbs way to go sista!!!!:D keep it up and keep on keepin on...STAR
 
Journal Entry for 09/15/2006

Journal Entry for 09/15/2006​
Woke up sick this morning, some sinus issues (no Zyrtec for me until the allergy testing is finished) and threw up after brushing my teeth. Too vigorous with the tongue brushing? Post nasal drip? Aldactone not sitting well? I don't know but that was not going to keep me from my walk. I gave myself a free pass yesterday but not today.

I did a half jog, half walk today. Every other block I made myself jog it and I took the two munchkins (1 rat terrier - Loki, 1 chihuahua mix - Booger) with me for encouragement. "Let's RUN!", "Yeah! So good!!" It really helped, oddly enough. My fat was jiggling and my pants were falling off (mental note: get some jogging pants, jeans ain't working!) but by GOD I was doing it. I'm just so excited, I haven't jogged in soo long!

Oy the neighbors must be talking, "That big girl across the street - Oh my God she was jogging!"

We finally get rid of that damn pie and what does my dad do? He goes out and buys COOKIES and ICE CREAM! He had 2 chocolate chip cookies and about 3/4c. of Butter Pecan Ice Cream - I counted the calories, what he had was about 600 calories at 8:30pm. 600! I can't eat like that anymore.

In my family we show love with food, we celebrate with food, we mourn with food, someone dies and we send a cold-cut platter with bread. I know that he was trying to comfort me because of the breakup and trying to celebrate my weight loss. That's why I couldn't say "No thanks, Dad.", that would have hurt his feelings. I had a few calories to spare but this will be my downfall if I don't keep things in check.

I think my stomach is shrinking or maybe I'm just paying more attention lately but I'm not hungry. Except... when I'm hungry. Does that make since?

Tonight, at supper, I was hungry. I ate part of my meal and got full. But I didn't stop, I finished my plate (And I had a cookie!!) because it was the same meal I usually get when we have take-out and I had no problem finishing it before - plus a little bit more.

So much of this is mental and I never realized it.

I'm having a bad night tonight, not with food but mentally. I miss the ex. I want to just pick up the phone and call him. I'm sweating details that are truly none of my business anymore. It's bugging me so much that my skin is crawling and I want to break down and cry or break into his email and snoop. I'm never really broken up with anyone before - how do you get through it with your sanity (and dignity) intact??

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.” -Karen Ravn

Breakfast: 1 small apple, 1/2 container Black Cherry Yogurt
Lunch: , small salad with 1T. ranch dressing
Supper: 1 bean burrito, 1 cheese enchilada, 1/3c. Spanish rice, 1/3c. refried beans, 7 corn chips & 1/8c. fresh salsa
Snack: 1 cookie
Total: 1549

Water: 4 20oz. Bottles
Exercise: .33 miles, half jog & half walk
 
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Hey, my family is just like that food=love, no family event with out food, food, food, food and then they are insulted if you don't eat,oye they are a pack of saboteurs, but if yu want it you just have to let them be upset they will get over it, tell them you are worried about your health and to please be understanding! It may take them a while but they will come around:rolleyes: About the ex look at it this way, do you think he is out there tearing his self apart wondring what you are doing? no! So don't waste your time worrying about him, make new memories, go out with friends, you were a whole person before you met and you still are.........good luck and keep it up. STAR
 
You're working on the best revenge for your ex. Just think, when you lose the weight, you can flaunt what he's missing! Keep your chin up, you can do it!:)
And good for you on the jogging, I manage to walk, but I sure couldn't jog!
 
Journal Entry for 09/16/2006

Journal Entry for 09/16/2006​
I feel like total and utter crap. The doctor took me off of my Zyrtec and my allergies are killing me and NO allergy meds until testing is over. I feel like I have a cold and bronchitis all in one. Bleh.

But I did walk and I'm glad I did.

I'm going to bed. :p

Breakfast: 1/2c. yogurt, 1 small apple
Lunch: 6" veggie sub from Subway, 1T. Mayo (added at home) mixed with 1T. jalapeño jelly, .75oz cashews
Supper: Small pork steak; grilled, Butternut squash with a dab of margarine & honey, 7 thin sliced fried green tomatoes
Snack: 1/2c. fresh ambrosia
Total Calories: 1634

Water: 4 20oz. bottle water
Exercise: .45 miles in 10 minutes; fast paced walk
 
Journal Entry for 09/17/2006

Thanks dariqueen :)

Journal Entry for 09/17/2006​
Sick. Bleh. No exercise because I can’t breath, kind of nauseous and my chest hurts.

Back to bed.

Breakfast: Lemon Poppyseed Muffin
Lunch: 5 Sonic Mozzarella Sticks
Supper: 1 can Chicken & Stars Soup, 7 saltine crackers, 1/4c. Cherry Jello
Totals: 976

Water: 3 20oz bottles of water
Exercise: none
 
Journal Entry for 09/18/2006

Journal Entry for 09/18/2006​
Sick again today. I think my minor sinus problems has morphed into bronchitis. No formal exercise today but I did have to run to Super Walmart twice for my mom who has the stomach bug. I made sure I parked far from the building, then strolled quickly as I picked up her prescriptions & other meds from one end to food section for other necessaries. I assume that counts?

The nurse I talked to at the Dr.’s office Thursday said to make sure I included my emotional state when I’m writing my journal entry. I’m finding it a bit awkward since the journal will eventually be public. Does anyone else find that they aren’t as honest with themselves than if the journal were private? I’m trying to work past the privacy issues since I am so terribly shy in person. Actually, I have like 3 journals, one for creative things, the forum weight journal/on my website and the super secret red leather journal that I gush and cry in like a teenager that sits in my night stand. I wonder if they should be concentrated into one?

Bleh, this is much more challenging than I thought it would be. Oddly enough though it’s not the food that challenges me but the emotional stuff. (Ok, and the water!!) I feel like I should add, I’m not usually an emotional wreck - I am a happy person, really!

Does a diet soda count as a water? Probably not. My water consumption sucked today. I’ll be glad when mom’s well enough to go back to work. She makes it so easy to back slide into old eating habits.

Breakfast: Chicken & Stars Soup, 8 crackers & 12oz. can ginger ale (which I sipped on most of the day)
Snack: C-Boost Tropical Fruit Smoothie (whole bottle, 2 servings)
Lunch: Whole wheat wrap with ham and lettuce, 1c. raw mushrooms, 3 baby carrots
Supper: Lean Cuisine 4 Cheese Pizza topped with .5oz grilled pork steak, 1/8c. fresh mushrooms & 1t. Parmesan cheese, Diet Rite Zero, Raspberry
Dessert: Smart One’s Double Fudge Cake (OMG! So yummy!! -thanks mal for the recommendation!)
Total Calories: 1747

Water: 2 20oz bottles ( I know - just terrible!)
Exercise: 4 trips to each end of Supper Walmart & parked far from building
 
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Hey Peguin,
I hope you're feeling better soon - being sick really brings us down, not only physically but emotionally as well. It WILL pass!

I try and think about my diary as a place to chat with others about what we're going through and what we're doing here. To be inspired and motivated by what so many people here are doing. Being honest with yourself and in the diary is the only true way to get any benefit. You have to be who you are :)

Get fully well soon!
 
Thanks M, still trying to find my comfort zone.

So tired today. I didn't get around to exercising. Went out to mail a package and was so drained that I just couldn't make myself. This bug or whatever it is has really knocked me on my butt. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better, couldn't be any worse anyway.

I've noticed that my cals swing from too high to too low. Wish I could find a good comfy medium.... Wish I could fit into a good comfy medium, haha :rolleyes: .

Breakfast: Yo! Go cookies & cream yogurt
Lunch: Egg salad (made with 1 whole egg, 1 egg white, 1t. mayo, 2t. sour cream & 1T. Plain Yogurt) on a bed of lettuce with 3 baby carrots & 1/4c. fresh mushrooms, .5oz. pretzels sticks
Supper: Healthy Choice 4 Cheese Pizza (Liked the Lean Cuisine better :p) topped with .5oz grilled pork steak, 1/8c. fresh mushrooms & 1/4c. shredded cheese blend
Snack: 2T. peanut butter mixed with 1t. powdered sugar, 2t. raw oatmeal & 1 T. chocolate chips
Total Calories: 1136
Fat: 46
Carbs: 140
Protien: 61

Water: 3 20oz bottles
Exercise: none
 
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