Owl writes about things that make people blush

You mean, you have a small weiner too?
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I have a couple different sizes, but I prefer the small blue one that vibrates...

I'll bring the Patron Tequila, limes, salt, Dos Equis and the trojans...
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Oh, good! Because Patron just isn't Patron unless you take your shot out of the resevoir tip of a trojan that is ribbed for her pleasure.


Two things happened this weekend that I'm not proud of.

1) I think I'm back together with my ex, I realized this on Sunday when I woke up with him sleeping in my bed for the second morning in a row. And, then again when he decided to drive my truck on Sunday instead of his own, which is his habit with his girlfriends...its like, how he lays claim to us, when you see him driving another chicks car, you know they are "together".
Fuckitall. omg, his mother is a nightmare. WTF and I going to do now? (that question is rhetorical, the only option here is suicide).

2) My family had a huge picnic, and I ate and ate and ate at it. It was like I was insatiable. It's probably depression eating, after realizing that I've inadvertently let Mr. I'll-be-right-back-six-hours-later back into my life. The picnic was out in the middle of no where, and I had to hitch a ride with my Aunt, because ass-wipe of course, had my car, and didn't leave me the keys to his truck. THEN, he shows up at the picnic to pick me up, in my own car, and my Grandma say "Oh, he's back! I really missed him!" while she clapped her hands like a crazy old koot. At that point, I disowned myself from my family and decided that being a lonely hermit on top of a mountain in a cave is actually quite appealing.

I did not exercise a single time this weekend unless you count cleaning, sex or walking slowly on a beach with an 80 year old woman. But, school started today, WEEEEEEE! And that means that I have less stress in the evening to get to the sitter to pick up my kid, since he's in school all day long, she's not as worn out by the time I get off work, so therefore, I can stop by the gym on the way to get him and work out for an hour or so, or I can work out longer and he can walk over to the gym and sit and do homework if I want to stay longer. I love the Autumn, its my favorite season. Right up until Thanksgiving...and then I start hating life.
 
It didn't "suck" but it could have been better. I did get laid...and I got my laundry done so it wasn't a total loss.

So, today I was visited by some lady who is involved in a local "push" to start a Calorie Restriction "group" and wants my clinic to foot the bill for blood tests and financially support the "movement". First off, I thought it was a diet craze that was sweeping the nation, and then she explained to me that its a bunch of nutzos who think by eating at a super reduced calorie diet will make them immortal (or, thats the jist I got from her yammering). And second, this woman, obviously has not been living the lifestyle for very long. I'm not one to judge people, but I think that if you are going to promote a lifestyle, you should walk the talk...you know...look the part...LIVE the LIFEstyle. If she has been living a CR lifestyle, its only been for a very short period of time.

I told her that my clinic is open to the public, but I would NOT promote her lifestyle and I did not want the name of my clinic mentioned in her propoganda. She got really rude after that. Kinda, not stable emotionally I think. She said I was discriminating against her chosen lifestyle. I said, you are asking me to put the name of my clinic on your "group" and give you thousands of dollars in freebie bloodwork plus financially support your "group", I'm not down with it, get over yourself. If people want blood tests they can come here, pay for the services and get what they want, otherwise, I'm not investing in it and I"m not allowing you to put the name of my clinic on ANYTHING you use to promote your "group".

What is it with crazy people? Why do they think they have the right to demand stuff like that and then accuse me of discriminating against them when I say no. No is no. Having a hissy fit isn't going to change that, and telling me I'm discrimnating against anything only wins you a top rating on my shit list. Fuck!

So, she leaves my office and I, of course, not being a dumbass, start calling people around town to get the low down on this nut job. Turns out, she's approached the Admins of several clinics, gyms and human services organizations over the last few weeks trying to get someone to foot the bill for her diet. She even demanded that the library buy books about CR and wanted to use their conference rooms for meetings without paying for it (something they only do for non-profits but still require a deposit).

I'm glad my own desperation to lose weight didn't interfere with my ability to sniff out a scammer. I guess thats why they pay me money to sit here and look important.

On the same note, but totally different, I went online to research this CR lifestyle and it doesn't actually look much differnt the normal dieting...thoughts? opinions? anyone?
 
I was watching Oprah not that long ago when Dr. OZ (who I really like) was on there. He was promoting this calorie restricted diet- and they showed this guy who's been living this lifestyle for years, and he's really old and it's supposed to make you live longer, then they brought other people on who are on this diet/lifestyle. But when I researched it further, it didn't look all that great to me, but what do I know? I noticed a lot of warnings and such- which just didn't seem healthy to me if there were so many warnings.

There are tons of web sites that talk about CR, and tons of videos on YouTube..

But- yeah, that's all I know on the subject. :conehead:
 
I guess I don't understand the difference between this "Calorie Restricted Diet" and just regular losing weight by eating at a caloric deficit.

I will say that I didn't read much beyond the first page of the diet site, but it seems fairly reasonable on the face of it: reduce your calories while still making sure to get adequate levels of nutrition: vitamins, minerals, proteins, veggies, complex carbs, etc.

I think the whole blood test thing is excessive - and I am wondering what kind of kickback or benefit the "program" gives from the blood tests, but other than that I guess I'm just kinda confused.
 
Yesterday I only managed to eat 893 calories before I got super tired, with a snotty nose, headache and sore throat and went to bed. So, not a bad day after all the overeating I've been doing waking up empty felt good. And, my pants don't feel so tight today. I'd step on the scale, but I promised myself I'd only weigh on sundays from now on so I'll have to wait.

I went for a long walk yesterday. Not out of choice. I was driving my company car and it broke down all the way out at the airport (which is on the other side of the island from my office), so I had to walk back to the office. I forgot my cell phone. But, the weather was decent so it was at least pleasant.

My sister bought me the ugliest freakin dress on earth. I can't wait to wear it to a family dinner. Its polyester, and was purchased at a Goodwill...so you know its hideous. It still smells like an old lady corpse, so I'm pretty sure it was stripped off a cadaver and donated.

For the next few days, my big boss' are in town, including a fellow I don't particularly care for. So, get ready to hear some bitching. We had it out on the phone with eachother a couple of weeks ago, so things are tense around here to say the least.
 
Vent away, baby. I'll come listen - everyone needs an outlet.

I'm about to go on a rant about how justice is only for people with money - and those without get fucked over 6 ways from Sunday. But I won't inflict that on your diary. I'll save it for mine.
 
Owl said:
Yent so it was at least pleasant.

My sister bought me the ugliest freakin dress on earth. I can't wait to wear it to a family dinner. Its polyester, and was purchased at a Goodwill...so you know its hideous. It still smells like an old lady corpse, so I'm pretty sure it was stripped off a cadaver and donated.

.
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I can sympathize. I have an older friend who loves to bring us dead people clothes. IT's got that old people smell and it creeps me out.
 
KaraCooks said:
Vent away, baby. I'll come listen - everyone needs an outlet.

I'm about to go on a rant about how justice is only for people with money - and those without get fucked over 6 ways from Sunday. But I won't inflict that on your diary. I'll save it for mine.
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I'll agree with you there, I had to go through a particularly nasty divorce and child custody battle and will probably never have any respect for another attorney for as long as I live. But, $14,000 + later, I'm a free woman with a well cared for child.

So, I have to give a presentation to a bunch of medical big wigs this week. *heavy sigh* I don't mind public speaking, I'm actually quite good at it. I just...always feel so inadaquate when speaking to other professionals in my field. I got where I am through hard work and long experience, and some of them got here with expensive educations and good family connections...and they like to be as condescending as possible about their superior educations, whether they have what it takes to really get the job done or not. So, this is me *gestures to self* putting on my "I-don't-care-what-they-think-of-me" hardened exterior and trying to pretend that things are okay when really they are not. At least I'm presenting on major accomplishments, so they can all envy the fact that I actually produce work and not just sit around and talk about it.
 
This week just cannot get any worse. Okay, I guess it could, but...I'm just being a bit dramatic here to keep people interested in my diary. Is it working?

Yesterday I ate a ton of food, but when I entered it into my fancy-schmancy computer program to track my calories it came out to 1234...hahaha.

My to-do list today is lame, there is nothing fun on there, except for the fire drill, but its cold outside so I don't get to fully enjoy scaring the shit out of my staff and patients. Usually I do this around mid July, but I forgot this year, until today. Oh yeah...its fire drill day. I went to the coffee shack and got a speacial cup of soy latte just for the occasion. I'm going to go warm up my car now, so I have somewhere pleasant to sit while I watch everyone file out of here.

My favorite part of fire drill day. Firemen. Duh! They are soooo HAWT in their big boy pants and boots. Lmao!

Today I have a lunch meeting with our entire behavioral health staff, and they want pizza. So I'm taking my own lunch and when I don't eat their fatty crap I'll feel really really good about myself. So good, that I'll have to excuse myself, go to the bathroom, and whisper sweet nothings at myself in the mirror: "you hot sexy bitch, you don't need pizza, all you need is mushrooms and mustard to maintain this secksi exterior." Ya....

Anyways, more later...I feel a fire comin on...
 
Eh, they sent the fat old firemen over...how did I get on the fire chiefs shit list? I'm going to have to go have a sit down with him and find out.

I made it through lunch without wanting to eat the pizza, or lick the box when they were done with it. But, then, I was in a room full of psycho-babble and that kind of turns my stomach sometimes anyways. Why can't people just be content with what they are given and not demand more? Nuff said.

I'm going home to eat a healthy dinner, watch Bones reruns and read Eclipse (the vampire/werewolf thing). I need a drink after today.
 
Owl said:
This week just cannot get any worse. Okay, I guess it could
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You're damn right it could. I could come over to your house, spit in all of your soda bottles, take a dump in your favorite pillow case and Ric Flair chop you in the chest. WOOOOO!!!

Oh, and I could also give you a huuuuuge hickey on your armpit. I mean, I've never done it before and I've never known anyone who's gotten one, but I can only imagine that it can't feel too good. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
 
Waaahhhhhhh!!!! <------thats me crying.

I am so effin tired today. Last night I had really really wanted to get a good nights sleep, I was all geared up to go to bed early. Then the wanna-be-boyfriend came over and started a huge fight. You see, this guy I'm attracted to asked me to go out to dinner with him tonight. The wanna-be was texting me earlier last night and asked about tonight and I said I had a date. I guess I wasn't supposed to say that. Needless to say, I don't have to worry about the wanna-be wanting to be my boyfriend anymore. And apparently I can forget about all that great *insert me rolling my eyes to fatality here* sex we've been having. Its been great for him at least.

I've been eating a lot of fiber lately. And, it payed off with the hugest poo this morning. OMG, I was so proud of it I *almost* went and got my camera. :puke:

I have another long day at work, lots of meetings, and I'm finally going to get the damn phone system to do its damn job. But, no matter how busy I get, I'll always have time for:
Oh, and I could also give you a huuuuuge hickey on your armpit.
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a good ol' armpit hicky session.
 
ChefChiTown said:
You're such a tease. :blush5:
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Only my online identity is a tease. My real identity is a hussy.

I just decided to spend some time in Orlando in December. Is December hurricane season? That would be cool if it was. Ironic, because I'll be leaving winter storm season for basically the same only 50 degrees warmer if it is hurricane season. I need to google when hurricane season is.

AND, I think my best friend EEEEeeeee just best friend dumped me...more on that later. It's about a "girlfriend" he has that doesn't like the fact that his best friend is a chick.
 
Hurricane season ends Nov 30th. But even so, you shouldn't let the season stop you from doing anything. Would be like not going anywhere in the north in December because there might be a blizzard. :)
 
Might be? There is a blizzard here every day between october and april...and thats on a good day. On a bad day you wonder if you're still alive or if you are in hell.

I guess I should dress for a hurricane, cause I'll be there Decemeber 4th and I'm sure hurricanes don't carry around calendars and say "Oh shit, its the 5th of December, I guess I better pack it in and call it a season."

My best friend is no longer allowed to drink till he pisses himself at my house anymore. And, no more slumber parties. WTF. Girlfriends suck. I swear, I've never been the Yoko to my Lennon's before. I don't get chicks who pull that shit. It just causes undue tension. I mean fuck, I'm like the best babysitter she could have for her "boyfriend", I'd never let him fuck around on her, friends keep friends real. And now I have to suffer alienation so he can hit that? She's not even that pretty. This depresses me. And makes me feel like...eating...

I had sushi for lunch, a spicy tuna roll, and an order of edamame, and then three cookies, and a hersheys chocolate bar. And, I think I'm ovulating. Thank goodness those tubes are tied up like hudini in a steamer trunk. At any rate, I'm super horny. I have a date tonight. My ex-wanna-be-ex-ex probably won't like it if I call him for a post date booty call...but, I always overestimate his moral integrity so I could be dead wrong.

At any rate, I'm going to go really lite on the dinner out tonight. I'll eat like a fridged bitch. I think the place we are going to have french onion soup and I can order it without the cheese and bread. I have to go work out after work too, with a co-worker who just decided to lose 50 lbs this year. I said, "um, shouldn't you have started like, 8 months ago?"
"No, I'm a procrastinator."
"Never say that in front of me again, I am your boss."
"Oh, yeah..."
 
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