One More Time...

xorie

xorie

New member
All right... It has been almost a year since I have been on here. I can tell you that nothing has changed. Except, I'm heavier than I was the last time I was on here. Again. However, I would like to try again to kick myself back into shape. In a month I will be 21. I have not been in shape since my last year of high school when I was playing on the volleyball team, and even then, I wasnt that good at it either.

I want to say that my mother has been heavy most of her life, but now, after taking medical leave from a very stressful job, she has been much happier and has taken control of her weight again. In the last few weeks I believe that she has lost about 20 lbs, and is now lighter than me. THAT was a huge wake up call. She is almost 50, and her knees are shot, she has diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea (sp?) and is on many different kind of medications. I do not want to end up like that, unable to do much of anything for the amount of pain it causes. My mom can barely do anything because of her knees, and it scares me because I can all too easily see myself where she is, only much sooner.

I work with horses, and the one thing that is keeping me from becoming a trainer or a professional rider like I have always wanted too is my weight. Without being in shape, you can not really feel your horse, or even understand and communicate with your own body to be able to ride to the best of your abliities.

So I am going to try and get it right this time around, for myself, for my mom (because if I can do it, she can keep doing it, and we can get healthy together) and for whatever other reason I have. I am keeping two journals, one electronic (this one) and one where I can write anything down in a book. I have sworn not to lie to myself when writing in it, so that way I can keep myself honest.

I have a wedding next June (my best friends) and I do not want to be the only fat friend there. We were looking at dresses the other day, and it made me really want to look good in them.

Anyway, here I go. One more time around...
 
Hi xorie, just wanted to say hi and good luck :)

Just wanted to say I know exactly where you're at and hopefully we can both be successful with our own weight loss this time.

You sound like you're really motivated and in a good place, and a special event is a really good goal to work towards! So good luck with everything :)

Micaela
 
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Thanks Micaela. :) And Back at you :)

I weighed myself finally today...

259lbs...

Yikes. Not the highest I've been, but it is still a terrifying number. I'm going to start writing down everything I eat, no matter what, so then I will be able to keep track of my calories, and so that I can have an account for anything that goes into my mouth.

Part of my problem is that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, sad, upset, angry, bored ect... Then I get mad at myself for doing it, and the whole cycle starts again. I'm trying to find other outlets, and so far nothing has really worked. However, I just accquired a violin, which has always been a secret desire of mine to learn, and I am hoping that I will be able to use it to keep me away from eating. I also have taken up gardening, and keeping my vegetable garden weeded and free from rats has been a challenge, so that I think I can use it as well.

Anyway I am going to keep my chin up. I cant fail if I do that.
 
Ok, so not a great day, but it honestly could have been worse. I had taquitos..(my personal downfall) But I will be good for the rest of the day and exercise. I promise.
 
I have an out of state friend who is in town, and she unfortunately is a bad influence on me. However, I am really really trying to behave around her, but its going to be very hard.

The good news is that I'm down 2lbs. I'm now at 257lbs. Yay. Now to keep on the train and contiune losing.
 
Friends are one thing that I've found so hard with weight loss, and it can go either way, they can not 'get it' at all and not really care, or they do get it and try their best to subconciously sabotage you and end up getting super competitive. I don't tell any of my friends or family that I'm trying to lose weight anymore because it always ends up in drama :)

Congrats on the loss this week, and stay strong!
 
MickeyBoo said:
Friends are one thing that I've found so hard with weight loss, and it can go either way, they can not 'get it' at all and not really care, or they do get it and try their best to subconciously sabotage you and end up getting super competitive. I don't tell any of my friends or family that I'm trying to lose weight anymore because it always ends up in drama :)

Congrats on the loss this week, and stay strong!
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Thanks. It has been super hard. Thank god she leaves tomorrow. :)
 
Ok, so the friend has finally gone home back to idaho. And so far, I've been really good today. bowl of cereal for breakfast. half a quesadilla for lunch, and a small bowl of my mom's chili mac for dinner. No snacks in between, no craving for lots of fast food, and everything has slowed back down after the whirlwind.

I am hoping tomorrow to do some running around the barn. Its a pretty remote place so I dont feel too embarassed to be seen running. I think that that is one of my biggest problems. I dont like exercising in front of people. I know it is silly to be so concerned with how people see/think about me, but I also think that it stems from a childhood where school was torture. I hated going because so many of the kids would make fun of me. Its horrible how cruel kids can be.

I'm better about it now, but exercising still gives me some problems. I am going to the store tomorrow to get some workout clothes and then I will start running. My sis is going with me and the plan is that one of us will ride down the road while the other runs, and then on the way back we'll switch... :)
 
yay! I'm down another pound! :) I had a little more for breakfast than I wanted, but I did manage to not eat everything on my plate even though I desperately wanted too... Well, going to do some more moving around today, hoping to see 249 by next week. Wish me luck!
 
Hey just wanted to wish you luck and say well done on what you've lost so far :) I'm a similar age and weight to you. I don't know about you but I just really want to feel my age and I feel like being so heavy holds me back.
You can do it, it's great that you have goals to work towards. Especially the horses thing (not that I can relate to that, I'm terrified of them!) imagine what a difference it'd make to your life if you were a healthier weight and could do the job you really want :)
 
elenasflickaby said:
Hey just wanted to wish you luck and say well done on what you've lost so far :) I'm a similar age and weight to you. I don't know about you but I just really want to feel my age and I feel like being so heavy holds me back.
You can do it, it's great that you have goals to work towards. Especially the horses thing (not that I can relate to that, I'm terrified of them!) imagine what a difference it'd make to your life if you were a healthier weight and could do the job you really want :)
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I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel waaaay older than I should and it kinda freaks me out and pushes me harder to get back in shape.

The horses are like my lifeline. I have had most of my life without them, and now that they are a big part in my life, I never want to let them go. If I was healthier I could do the training that I really want too. Thanks for the support!

p.s. I was good today!!!!! Yay. Mom made some really yummy meatloaf and maccaroni and cheese for dinner, and I sooooo wanted more than what I took, but I stayed strong and didn't take seconds. :)
 
I WON THE MENTAL BATTLE TODAY!!!

I got paid today in cash, and I was very hungry on my way home (bucking hay does that to me) and I took the long way home to stay out of sight of the many fast food drive through places, but there is one BK, and a Jack in the Box at the very end... And I DROVE ON BY!!! Woot.

For the last few months, that had been my biggest problem. I am constantly on the go, and for the longest time I would just stop when I was hungry and get nasty bad food for me.

anyway, when I got up this morning the scale flashed to 255 before settling on 256.4, so I'm almost there!
 
Heeey omg congrats I'm so excited for you on your fantastic jump start it must feel so good to be on the road to a new and healthier you! :) I SO SO get what you mean about being embarrassed about working out/running in front of others. I live in a city, I guarantee that some jerk would say something inappropriate so you're very lucky to have some privacy in your area! :) keep up the good work and you'll get there eventually. :)
 
Just wanted to say good luck and good job on your progress so far! I didn't like running in public until very recently, now it just boosts my confidence a little, even when I'm moving slow and sloppy. I'm out there while others are lounging on park benches or driving in their cars... think of all the calories burned!!! :) Congrats on avoiding the fast food, too, that is a TOUGH one when there's good stuff nearby.
 
xRougex said:
Heeey omg congrats I'm so excited for you on your fantastic jump start it must feel so good to be on the road to a new and healthier you! :) I SO SO get what you mean about being embarrassed about working out/running in front of others. I live in a city, I guarantee that some jerk would say something inappropriate so you're very lucky to have some privacy in your area! :) keep up the good work and you'll get there eventually. :)
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Thanks :) I hate how cruel people can be. I have a sister who is in shape and is quite lovely to look at, and any time I am with her, I know I look like the fat frumpy kid who just wants to hang with the princess. Tis quite frustrating actually, and has been a problem at times with my relationship with her. However we're close friends now and I am getting better at thinking "screw you" at the people who judge me. :)


Laura F said:
Just wanted to say good luck and good job on your progress so far! I didn't like running in public until very recently, now it just boosts my confidence a little, even when I'm moving slow and sloppy. I'm out there while others are lounging on park benches or driving in their cars... think of all the calories burned!!! :) Congrats on avoiding the fast food, too, that is a TOUGH one when there's good stuff nearby.
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God it was tough, I swear my hands tightened on my stering wheel a few times too, but I powered through it and felt wonderful about it.


Was great for the whole day. I went to IHOP with mom and old friend and while I didn't order a salad, I ordered what I wanted (a beef sandwich thingy) but controlled how much of it I ate. I had 2/3 of the sandwich and maybe a quarter of the fries. I have to say that I generally dont leave anything on my plate, and usually inhale my food. I'm trying to be more concious about how fast I eat now, so that my stomach has the time to tell my head that I'm full.

Am going to try and get up in the morning and take the doggies for a walk to get in some exercise. We'll see how far I get as my horse ran my knee into a fence yesterday and its protesting today... :rolleyes: lol
 
I have now decided that I must not weigh myself everyday. I am starting to become obsessed with it, and I don't want to be a slave to the scale. I had a light breakfast, a skinny bagel with a light smear of cream cheese on it and a glass of water. I am trying to up my water intake to keep myself hydrated. Am going to see if I can convince my mother to go for a walk with me and the dogs. Its a beautiful day out, and if I can get her moving it will be pretty awesome.

My goal is to be in the 240s by next friday, so wish me luck. :)
 
Heyz gz on the decision to not become a slave! :p I sincerely think its better to do it weekly as we all know the difference is far more noticeable. I've actually told my mother to hide our set until next friday. Lovely day here as well I hope the walk went well speak soonies ^^ You can defo meet your goal if you continue the way you are! :)
 
Thanks Rouge. :)

Ok, so I had a quesadilla for lunch... whoops. BUT I put a lot less cheese on it than I normally do, and had water instead of milk for a drink. Also, I told my brother (who just broke up with his gf of 5 years) that I would make him cookies. I think I had the equivalent of 3 cookies before I caught myself noming on the dough. oh well.

However, good thing, I managed to get my mother out for a walk with the dogs today. we went for a short walk (her knees were just starting to bother her) along the riverfront. It was nice, and I'm hoping that I can get her to do daily walks with me. Wish me luck, as she can be just as stubborn as me lol

Am swearing that I will be good for dinner tonight. Going to have small portions of everything, and I am going to ride some more tonight I think. :)
 
Also, I think on my way home from my first violin lesson (yay!) I wil stop by value village and get myself some running shorts and some tee shirts. Then I can get some shoes and be ready to go
 
Alrighty, so I went to the fair again with my mother and father. All I had was a single scoop of all natural strawberry ice cream. My personal weakness, as I can so rarely have strawberry anything unless it is organic because of the dye Red 40... BUT we did some walking, and I stayed away from the walla walla onion burgers, and the gyros, and all the other greasy gross yet amazingly good smelling fair food. :)

We did a lot of walking today, so I'm hoping to couple that with a good long walk/and or short run tomorrow. I have to go and get a boulder holder and running shoes tomorrow, so I cant use the excuse "oh I cant because of _"

Other than that, my violin lesson was crazy hard even though all I did was learn how to stand correctly, hold the violin right, and i have to keep my shoulders back, left elbow in, right shoulder down, but right elbow up. :) And that's just for the bow, not to mention I now have to learn positions :) Should be really fun though! I'm super excited about them, especially since I'm trading cleaning stalls for them. Lucky me.

I think now though I'll go and beat up our old punching bag, as my big brother just told me about his break up and how his ex is still teasing him and playing with his heart and I reallllllly want to go out and punch her in the face for breaking his heart like she is. :cuss:

Anyway, hope everyone has a good night (or day) :)
 
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