Sunflower2
New member
I was only joking around! Just made me smile when I saw your location! It's like that line from Highlander (I think) "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONEEEEEE!"
Anyway, I'm clearly insane. Have a beauuutiful day and hope you're good!
Natsky Diary: Tis a transformation, thats it, thats all, but oh, was it ever....
- Thread starter Natsky
- Start date
I was only joking around! Just made me smile when I saw your location! It's like that line from Highlander (I think) "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONEEEEEE!"
Anyway, I'm clearly insane. Have a beauuutiful day and hope you're good!
Natsky
New member
I'm enjoying the upbeat attitude you seem to be having. I'm almost jealous
A positive and good attitude is a major piece of weight loss too many forget about.
Hey Jericho...
Thanks ... I like the upbeat attitude too... I just figure I will walk whatever I walk ..do you know even a stroll works calories off, so on my days off I am going to take strolls and on my days I exercise .. I will do forty five minutes walking ...sounds good to me ..at a fast pace ..but its all good ...
I am just taking one day at a time, no mater what I lose, it is a loss. I lost one pound. I am happy.
Anyway I will ttylater, still need to get out the door... its 12:15 pm ...must get moving ..days awasting ... not want want ... lol
ttylater
Natsky
Natsky
New member
It's like that line from Highlander (I think) "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONEEEEEE!"
Anyway, I'm clearly insane. Have a beauuutiful day and hope you're good!
I knew you were kidding Sunflower ...
lol There is only one ... One in England is different from the one here .. same name ..but different ..and I LOVED the highlander. I remember it was out when I was in high school.. I also distinctly remember "my so called life" among other ones ... The ninties ..how could we forget any of that! lol
laterzzzz
natsky
Jess393
New member
lol, yeah, I knew that from reading your diary; you had called it a narcotic tho, so that seemed the best thing to say
Natsky
New member
lol, yeah, I knew that from reading your diary; you had called it a narcotic tho, so that seemed the best thing to say
lol .. your right ...
it is a narcotic, but they are prescribed to peeps...
I used to look up my meds, read everything about them, demand to be taken off or put on them. But ... I only knew so much on this particular medication ....
than I find out it is a narcotic, and the shock waves went right through me. For the past five years I have been begging him to take me off of it, but he kept telling me, "Why ruin a good thing?" I never told him how I really felt, never realized Klonopin could cause you to become agorophobic.... none of that, if I had known. I would have told him and told him to take me off of it. It just wow, that is a bad phobia to have and I still have it. Take for instance today. I started crying while we were on the main road, didnt see a way out from being near people... no escape ... so I begged Derek if we could go the back way, he immediately took me down a back street and I instantly stopped crying .. I never did that before... wierdness... all I can say is its going to stop, because I stopped a few times, doubting whether I could really walk today, hated it and than fifteen minutes later, while I was going across an intersection on the main road, lots of traffic.. I decided .. "I feel good, this is good!" So I just made the walk longer, I had my head held high...
Coming off the full dosage of klonopin was the best thing I could have done, but I need to go down some more ..so I am only taking away .5mg .. my friend says I am on a low dose, well I want to stay that way for obvious reason. When a medicine makes you feel worse, its time to get off of it. And I am! I cant belive I am doing it! Its hard to come off this drug. I might not be able to remove the last three miligrams. Especially the two at night, I could have seizures and well At a ward watching my vital signs and what not, but its costs too much to go off of it cold turkey ...
but thanks for writing .. you are so right!
I am so proud of myself for taking this leap!! and it is so nice to cry again. I have not cried for a long time, real crying ..passionate. U know
I love it, I feel alive again!
ttylater hun
way to be!
Natsky
Natsky
New member
I walked and overcame my fear a little bit today ... lmao
Ok, hello everyone,
Well I left a message for Jess about my klonopin, it an anxiety medication, thats a narcotic and it can cause you to become agorophobic, which is a good way to gain weight, by avoiding the outdoors and people. Total opposite now. I am very proud of myself. I try to get out everyday. Sometimes its hard to force mind out of the trap that it has set and just get going ... there is no lack of motivation, its just a ugly fear.
Today I was lost, didnt know whether I wanted to face it. Agorophia is when you are afraid to be near people, close spaces, finding an escape route is always the way, but not for me. I want to be out there. At first I was on the main st. And than I started getting nervous and panicking ... Derek took me on a side street and I felt better, but we kept walking .. I kept stopping occasionally wondering whether I really wanted to do t his today ..annalyzing my reasons for not wanting to lose some weight and be in hell yea better shape ...
well it was my fear, my mind trap ...
so I just decided, thats it .. Im going! and so I went ..we kept walking ..we walked for thirty to thirty five minutes, but due stop lights I cut of five there, I was actually out since 1:17 and we came back at 2:15... so you see we stopped at the library and did our things there, found new books to read, put some books on hold, it was all good. I love the library. I have always wanted to be a librarian. Went to school for a few years, but it costs a lot and I am better off not ... because ... I have things going on ...that would make it hard, but being a library user is wonderful ... I love the library .. I just wish they had more couches and chairs ... I would love to sit on a comfy couch and pull the book up and start reading it right there... they have little cushions for smaller kids ... but I am no small kid ..full sized adult ... plus overweight ... makes it ... not an option ... but I love the room ... its the teen room ... its cool ... you have to hug yourself to sit in the seats and these are the seats that the little teens use ..the thinner kids ......so ...they have to scrunch up .. I dont see me sitting on them lmao
but ... its a ncie library and I am glad they have such a great stock of books. .. they are a good library and always get the new stuff ... very new, just came out stuff....
but anyway ..
back to what I was saying .. I was so proud of my walk ... it cut some calories down!! I am happy to report with even the other caloric reduction .. If I can just eat 987 calories for the rest of the day.. I will have it made. I will see a loss once again ..if I keep it up .. I am happy!!
anyway I will talk to everyone laterz
I love my life, the bad, the good, and even the ugly, because the bad and ugly can be improved upon, things change, life rolls on by, but I take the ride and I am enjoying becoming more one with nature by walking outside, enjoying the elements. Etc.
I sat my cold butt out there for a while and just enjoyed the sheer enjoyment of knowing January is almost over and spring is closer .. Februarys next and I have no clue what kind of weather It will have in store for us, but I am going to keep walking .. it was in the forties yesterday!! Whoop whoop! and we are in the middle of winter and I am walking ... way to be!!
loving it!!
Natsky
Ok, hello everyone,
Well I left a message for Jess about my klonopin, it an anxiety medication, thats a narcotic and it can cause you to become agorophobic, which is a good way to gain weight, by avoiding the outdoors and people. Total opposite now. I am very proud of myself. I try to get out everyday. Sometimes its hard to force mind out of the trap that it has set and just get going ... there is no lack of motivation, its just a ugly fear.
Today I was lost, didnt know whether I wanted to face it. Agorophia is when you are afraid to be near people, close spaces, finding an escape route is always the way, but not for me. I want to be out there. At first I was on the main st. And than I started getting nervous and panicking ... Derek took me on a side street and I felt better, but we kept walking .. I kept stopping occasionally wondering whether I really wanted to do t his today ..annalyzing my reasons for not wanting to lose some weight and be in hell yea better shape ...
well it was my fear, my mind trap ...
so I just decided, thats it .. Im going! and so I went ..we kept walking ..we walked for thirty to thirty five minutes, but due stop lights I cut of five there, I was actually out since 1:17 and we came back at 2:15... so you see we stopped at the library and did our things there, found new books to read, put some books on hold, it was all good. I love the library. I have always wanted to be a librarian. Went to school for a few years, but it costs a lot and I am better off not ... because ... I have things going on ...that would make it hard, but being a library user is wonderful ... I love the library .. I just wish they had more couches and chairs ... I would love to sit on a comfy couch and pull the book up and start reading it right there... they have little cushions for smaller kids ... but I am no small kid ..full sized adult ... plus overweight ... makes it ... not an option ... but I love the room ... its the teen room ... its cool ... you have to hug yourself to sit in the seats and these are the seats that the little teens use ..the thinner kids ......so ...they have to scrunch up .. I dont see me sitting on them lmao
but ... its a ncie library and I am glad they have such a great stock of books. .. they are a good library and always get the new stuff ... very new, just came out stuff....
but anyway ..
back to what I was saying .. I was so proud of my walk ... it cut some calories down!! I am happy to report with even the other caloric reduction .. If I can just eat 987 calories for the rest of the day.. I will have it made. I will see a loss once again ..if I keep it up .. I am happy!!
anyway I will talk to everyone laterz
I love my life, the bad, the good, and even the ugly, because the bad and ugly can be improved upon, things change, life rolls on by, but I take the ride and I am enjoying becoming more one with nature by walking outside, enjoying the elements. Etc.
I sat my cold butt out there for a while and just enjoyed the sheer enjoyment of knowing January is almost over and spring is closer .. Februarys next and I have no clue what kind of weather It will have in store for us, but I am going to keep walking .. it was in the forties yesterday!! Whoop whoop! and we are in the middle of winter and I am walking ... way to be!!
loving it!!
Natsky
~Tutti~Frutti~
New member
Hey Natsky,
New diary hey! Good to see you are taking control of the situation and refusing to let things get you down... let's hope all the medication issues are sorted out soon and you feel really well and healthy.
Keep up the walking and the positive thinking!! x
New diary hey! Good to see you are taking control of the situation and refusing to let things get you down... let's hope all the medication issues are sorted out soon and you feel really well and healthy.
Keep up the walking and the positive thinking!! x
Natsky
New member
Thank you Tutti~Frutti...
I appreciate you very kind words... Its helps when peeps stop by your diary and say such positive things. I am staying positive.. it trully was dificult to get my butt going and when I was almost there .. I was like "Do I really want to do this?" and I said to myself "no", but I knew that was the fear talking, so we went to the commons. You know how many times I have meant to go to the commons and I finally did, only to find a ton of snow and a place that reminded me how isolated the world can be in winter, how it can cripple people and make them not come out. No one was near the commons .. only cars passing by. It was kind of a downer, so we turned around; however I decided to lengthem my walk down some main streets, kind of scared, but I did it. And than we walked down the steep hill, on total ice .. lots of ice ..and dead leaves under them ... it was a mess, but hopefully with tomorrow being in the thirties, some more with melt, but I dont think so, but I love walking down the stretch home during winter...
But Winter reminds me of the isolation and when I saw the park, covered in snow ... only grass showing on the very outside ... I kind of got sad, like I expected people to be there. Last year people were walking around the park in the snow. The kids made a ice rink last year with part of the commons, it was cute, but not this year. No kids running in the snow, probably inside playing on their computer games .. its really sad. But during the summer its loaded. You have to have peeps move out of the way to get by. There is this one family that jogs around three times, stops and than goes again after five minutes. The father leads it and the kids dont want to do it! lol but he makes them do it, which is actually good, but they should be allowed to play, I mean the park has swings and what not, but he acted like a general. I felt bad, imagine if the female, which hated it most, actually hates exercise for the rest of her life. Ive heard of that happening. I hope not. I guess there are ways parents can make it worse for their children, maybe they should find something she likes to do as a sport. She may not be much into sports, but there is a baseball field attached... hmm .. oh well .. I felt weird this summer, I was bigger, couldnt walk like I do now. I only went around the park once or twice and almost died when I sat. I felt horrible, but now, I will be a force to be reckoned with lmao
keep trecking hun
laterz
Natsky
2Skinny
New member
Ohhh Natsky Natsky Natsky. I feel like I'm in a ukrainian film when I say that. LOL I read your last entries and all I can say is how brave and wonderful you are. The medication saga is ongoing and whatever you decide ... on ... off ... you have my vote of confidence that you are doing what is best for you. I understand all the reasoning both ways.
LOVE you Beautiful! ... and people who make bad comments or looks to larger people are unintelligent people who cannot fathom walking in the shoes of another.
Thanks for dropping by my diary. Was going to tell you my date was to meet me at 6:30but phoned at the last minute to say he couldn't make it til 7:30pm and I was too damn tired after my workout so I went home and said we can connect another time. LOL I guess I'm not that motivated. tee hee Plus I'm getting too old and cranky for that nonsense.
Have a super fantastic night. Have you ever tried one of those soap bombs you can put in your bath and it fizzes and bounces all over the place while you're in your tub?
LOVE you Beautiful! ... and people who make bad comments or looks to larger people are unintelligent people who cannot fathom walking in the shoes of another.
Thanks for dropping by my diary. Was going to tell you my date was to meet me at 6:30but phoned at the last minute to say he couldn't make it til 7:30pm and I was too damn tired after my workout so I went home and said we can connect another time. LOL I guess I'm not that motivated. tee hee Plus I'm getting too old and cranky for that nonsense.
Have a super fantastic night. Have you ever tried one of those soap bombs you can put in your bath and it fizzes and bounces all over the place while you're in your tub?
Natsky
New member
It's great to see you walking despite everything else, Be proud of yourself
Thanks Trusylver,
Thanks!! I am proud, its just when I almost back down from fear .. that I dont feel so proud, but I push myself outside, make myself go... and when I go I just go .. I just pick as I go which way I am going, I could be going left ..and than right through out the city, I am getting to know the streets somewhat ...
its awesome. And I want to know the city. I want to get to know my new home .. Ive only lived in it for a year and a half and only know main st. and some back roads ..but thats it ...
last time I lost weight ... I started around the block, two blocks and so on... I increased the time once I felt I could, and once I felt better about myself, u know ... the better I felt physically the most likely I would extend and walk faster ...
I even marched lol and I can do it again and will lol
Thanks so much ..
I am proud of myself
I appreciate your comment...
Natsky
Natsky
New member
Thanks hun,
I am trying to figure out what is good for me. I never knew I would feel better after dropping some of the Klonopin. but maybe my anxiety today was apart of the anxiety I felt. But I need to overcome it. I dont want to stay on klonopin, my narcotic anxiety med. I would like to take it down to three mg .. I was on six mg...
but I can see why I had anxiety... Thanks for mentioning choices and the med, it just made me thought of that. But it takes away my memory, causes weight gain, among other things ...causes fatigue .. its not good ..
I started taking four mg again because it would lessen the harshness of the anxiety from coming of Effexor, a med that is an antidepressant. But I guess the insurance company says they will cover the antidepressant, so I am going to go ahead a cut back on klonopin again. Tomorrow will be my new dose. I will go throught a hard time, but walking does so much for me. I live for walking. Walking makes the endorphins go ..they make me less depressed, they make the anxiety go away and I become stronger everytime I walk in public or on backroads in many ways ..
Thanks so much for your concern. Thank you for your support... your awesome!!
laterz
Natsky
Natsky
New member
Well its been a good day everyone!!
I am happy I walked and walked right onto my fear and crushed and won today ..
I am also happy with my caloric intake .. I was only 11 over ... with restriction in place .. I go on fitday.com ..
plus the walk... so I have a deficit of about 350 and thats better than a month ago when I didnt walk at all and lived a sedentary lifestyle ...
I am eventually going to increase the walking longer.. with speed ...
but ... I am feeling good ... all because I took the walk, its not the med .. its the walk that made me feel better.... which is ..awesome ...
so ... anyway I am going to run ... I am watching Transformers, quite a bit of humor, but some darkness too ..
laterz
Natsky
I am happy I walked and walked right onto my fear and crushed and won today ..
I am also happy with my caloric intake .. I was only 11 over ... with restriction in place .. I go on fitday.com ..
plus the walk... so I have a deficit of about 350 and thats better than a month ago when I didnt walk at all and lived a sedentary lifestyle ...
I am eventually going to increase the walking longer.. with speed ...
but ... I am feeling good ... all because I took the walk, its not the med .. its the walk that made me feel better.... which is ..awesome ...
so ... anyway I am going to run ... I am watching Transformers, quite a bit of humor, but some darkness too ..
laterz
Natsky
WillLose60
New member
Hi again!
I don't know why, but your thread doesn't come up in my email... a bunch of other ones do. Odd. I've been on Klonopin and Effexor too, and they *are* hard to come off of! Good for you though! Are you on any other meds? Heehee, is Transformers good? I've never seen it.
WillLose
I don't know why, but your thread doesn't come up in my email... a bunch of other ones do. Odd. I've been on Klonopin and Effexor too, and they *are* hard to come off of! Good for you though! Are you on any other meds? Heehee, is Transformers good? I've never seen it.
WillLose
Natsky
New member
Transformers is awesome! We still have a little left to watch, but I quizzed Derek about the cartoon in comparison with the movie. When I was little I used to have Optimus Prime lol the transforming truck lol if I remember correctly it was very cool and in the same night we bought a cabbage patch for me lmao ...
Fun fun fun...
I am on five different meds...
and as goes. Klonopin, Effexor, Geodon, Lamictal, and Metformin.
U know the diabetic med helps me feel well a lot, we think many problems are linked to the diabeties, which is actually the PCOS which causes Metabolic Syndrome. Which is when your sugar is not being taken care of correctly, your insulin doesnt do anything like it should, so that fat goes directly on your tummy, which ends up making me look apple shaped .. ugh...
but anyway ...
I am going to work on the tummy, I know boxxing can make a difference ...
anyway
laterz
Natsky
Natsky
New member
So lets see,
I ate my k-protien cereal this morning at five am, because I didnt eat anything else that night, so I was pushing it. But I am going to try not to eat anything untiil Nine am ... thats when I like to weigh myself ...
I have been weighing myself a lot... I am hoping a clear number comes up on weigh in day, because I am going up and down .. up and down ... from
281.0-282.2.. depends ..but the later number came up after eating and not doing my business for anything... so I think its more like 281 something ...
but anyway ... I will try to eat later tomorrow morning ... it will be hard ... its like trying to make my body go on a schedule ... dont eat at night, but wait until nine am ...
I think part of it is because I ate grapes last night around .. oh eleven thirty pm, so I didnt eat at night, so obviously thats a good way to go ...and I am going to try to do that again, not eat at night, and extend the time on my breakfast this time to nine am or maybe eight am. but as close to nine am as I can get ...
anyway ... I shall ttylater
thats me for today so far, got to jump into the shower and get ready for the day!!!!
Cant waste a good day, and all days are somewhat good... well kind of... just depends on how you look at it. but I plan to walk after we go shopping and Derek is going to karate tonight...so I get the place to myself.. cheers!!
yippeee! Time by myself!! I know .. I sound awful, but sometimes its nice ..sometimes I take a bath... but I am not going to tonight, probably read ... reading does a mind good lol
Have to feed the brain with lots of literature ...lol
ttylater
Natsky
I ate my k-protien cereal this morning at five am, because I didnt eat anything else that night, so I was pushing it. But I am going to try not to eat anything untiil Nine am ... thats when I like to weigh myself ...
I have been weighing myself a lot... I am hoping a clear number comes up on weigh in day, because I am going up and down .. up and down ... from
281.0-282.2.. depends ..but the later number came up after eating and not doing my business for anything... so I think its more like 281 something ...
but anyway ... I will try to eat later tomorrow morning ... it will be hard ... its like trying to make my body go on a schedule ... dont eat at night, but wait until nine am ...
I think part of it is because I ate grapes last night around .. oh eleven thirty pm, so I didnt eat at night, so obviously thats a good way to go ...and I am going to try to do that again, not eat at night, and extend the time on my breakfast this time to nine am or maybe eight am. but as close to nine am as I can get ...
anyway ... I shall ttylater
thats me for today so far, got to jump into the shower and get ready for the day!!!!
Cant waste a good day, and all days are somewhat good... well kind of... just depends on how you look at it. but I plan to walk after we go shopping and Derek is going to karate tonight...so I get the place to myself.. cheers!!
yippeee! Time by myself!! I know .. I sound awful, but sometimes its nice ..sometimes I take a bath... but I am not going to tonight, probably read ... reading does a mind good lol
Have to feed the brain with lots of literature ...lol
ttylater
Natsky
Natsky
New member
Not enough water, water kicks butt!
So I have not been drinking enough, or almost any water for the past week. I am so tired, my lips are dry and I have a rouring headache. I need to drink water. The problem I had with my eyes for a long time was that I wasnt drinking enough water and the eyes would be dry. My tear ducts dont really have any water in them, so they dont cleanse or keep my eyes moist and in turn I get all this junk in my eyes, or on the side.
\So I vow to drink more Water. I have stayed away from Caffienated drinks, including coffee. I have decaf Hazelnut and such, but I stay away from caf coffee. but I do need to think of other things ... like being healthy more than ever ...
I may not have a loss on weigh in day, but I resisted ice cream today lol hot fudge sunday... but nope ..didnt have it... I didnt have anything, but I just had some whole wheat pasta, with some vegetable oil butter and some parm cheese sprinkled on and mixxed everything up. It was a small portion, but hit the spot. And it was incredible, I didnt eat last night and actually the time I ate breakfast was at seven am, but I want it at nine am, so I am going to wait until seven thirty to eat breakfast and push it further every morning. because I weighed myself today after eating and not doing any business, so it wasnt accurate. But I dont plan on weighing myself until weigh in day and I plan to keep on track, so far so good, just need to bring up my water intake and just .. ingest water like mad ... lol
well things are picking up....
ttylater
Natsky
So I have not been drinking enough, or almost any water for the past week. I am so tired, my lips are dry and I have a rouring headache. I need to drink water. The problem I had with my eyes for a long time was that I wasnt drinking enough water and the eyes would be dry. My tear ducts dont really have any water in them, so they dont cleanse or keep my eyes moist and in turn I get all this junk in my eyes, or on the side.
\So I vow to drink more Water. I have stayed away from Caffienated drinks, including coffee. I have decaf Hazelnut and such, but I stay away from caf coffee. but I do need to think of other things ... like being healthy more than ever ...
I may not have a loss on weigh in day, but I resisted ice cream today lol hot fudge sunday... but nope ..didnt have it... I didnt have anything, but I just had some whole wheat pasta, with some vegetable oil butter and some parm cheese sprinkled on and mixxed everything up. It was a small portion, but hit the spot. And it was incredible, I didnt eat last night and actually the time I ate breakfast was at seven am, but I want it at nine am, so I am going to wait until seven thirty to eat breakfast and push it further every morning. because I weighed myself today after eating and not doing any business, so it wasnt accurate. But I dont plan on weighing myself until weigh in day and I plan to keep on track, so far so good, just need to bring up my water intake and just .. ingest water like mad ... lol
well things are picking up....
ttylater
Natsky
Jericho
New member
Hate to say it but here it goes...check your urine. That will tell you if you are low on your liquids.
yeah, sorry but it's a natural way of telling.