nataliejo's diary: Moving, flowing, grooving forward... change is coming...

[nataliejo]

I'm almost done...

Stop seeing yourself as a overweight woman - as the object of a fetish...

you are a woman...

who happens to be fat for the moment but is doing somethig about it...

Again - Do not settle - people should treat you the way yo want to be treated with respect - if they can't handle that - then they shouldn't be allowed in your life...


And don't make excuses for the people who dont treat you with respect -you've got all sorts of excuses for Alex.. and now you're making them for peter...

What does Natalie want and how does Natalie want to be treated?

Why are you putting up with anythig less than that

I think I am done with him anyway... This post really struck a cord

Thanks Mal

always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

You go Mal...

Wether you want to hear it or not it is the truth hun...I never really believed you would be done with him anyway...however my 2 cents is , he should have let you know if he wasn't coming over, money or not , you guys have other modes of communication besides the phone and you are allowing him to start walking all over you already...

I never put up with any of that crap when I dated...first signs of disrespect he was gone...

However it is your life and your decisions...you do what you want to do...

I am with Mal - I wish you veiwed yourself as being worth more...

I wished I viewed myself differently as well. I dunno, maybe I will just stick with friendships and just stay away from the whole dating scene. I dont know ..

ttylater
thanks Cinderelly

 

[maleficent]

it's difficult to be in a relationship with someone else and to lovesomeone else -unless you truly love yourself first...

As corny as that sounds - Try having a relationship with yourself... get to know you.. and find all your good qualities... Work on the parts of you thar you want to work on and change what you want to change...

 

[cinderelly]

it's difficult to be in a relationship with someone else and to lovesomeone else -unless you truly love yourself first...

As corny as that sounds - Try having a relationship with yourself... get to know you.. and find all your good qualities... Work on the parts of you thar you want to work on and change what you want to change...

Ya I agree with this...I have been single for 4 years now - since my pregnacy of my youngest - some ppl especially guys just cant seem to wrap their heads around being single for so long...

I loved my x eor years after our seperation, I never felt it was fair to use another man as a way of gettin over someone and it is impossible I think to experience real feelings for someone if you still love someone...Mind you I also always allowed him to lead me and give me false hope and walk all over me for years too...

I wanted to spend time on me, refind myself again and be happy with me, cuz I trully believe unless I like me and am happy with me I will never find what I am looking for in a man as you attract what you feel and what you put out. I believe in the energy and power of law of attraction...How I am feeling and what I am giving out is what I am going to attract...You need to start with you first to find what it is you are looking for so you can find that in a man...

I hope im not babblin on and makin some sence...

You need to know your worth and believe it and show it...

For me - I know I am a good person and I beleive it - I like who I am on the outside I just cant stand what I look like on the outside...that is something Im working on and is why I dont date - I have a hard time not allowing my weight to define me, ya know...LOL...plus I have my hands full with my kids and my job...

Do some soul searching my friend and find what you need and want!

 

[nataliejo]

it's difficult to be in a relationship with someone else and to lovesomeone else -unless you truly love yourself first...

As corny as that sounds - Try having a relationship with yourself... get to know you.. and find all your good qualities... Work on the parts of you thar you want to work on and change what you want to change...

I know Mal...
I have heard this many times....
I need to learn how to love myself, before someonelse can love me, and I believe its true. I think Peter is not worth my time. I don't think any of the men I have been with are worth my time. Alex and I make good friends, but thats it. He came up this weekend and gave me a big hug and said not to worry and it kind of was comforting having that hug and knowing nothing was attached to it, except a good friendship. And I think I just need some real good friendships right now. But I dont think I need any bf or the like..

thanks hun
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Ya I agree with this...I have been single for 4 years now - since my pregnacy of my youngest - some ppl especially guys just cant seem to wrap their heads around being single for so long...

I loved my x eor years after our seperation, I never felt it was fair to use another man as a way of gettin over someone and it is impossible I think to experience real feelings for someone if you still love someone...Mind you I also always allowed him to lead me and give me false hope and walk all over me for years too...

I wanted to spend time on me, refind myself again and be happy with me, cuz I trully believe unless I like me and am happy with me I will never find what I am looking for in a man as you attract what you feel and what you put out. I believe in the energy and power of law of attraction...How I am feeling and what I am giving out is what I am going to attract...You need to start with you first to find what it is you are looking for so you can find that in a man...

I hope im not babblin on and makin some sence...

You need to know your worth and believe it and show it...

For me - I know I am a good person and I beleive it - I like who I am on the outside I just cant stand what I look like on the outside...that is something Im working on and is why I dont date - I have a hard time not allowing my weight to define me, ya know...LOL...plus I have my hands full with my kids and my job...

Do some soul searching my friend and find what you need and want!

I am starting to do some soul searching. Ive actually started reading again out of pleasure, which is something I havent done for at least four years. With my education, school seems to push that part out, but I think even when I am in school I need to take a few hours out just to read a down time book, u know. Its important, my downtime. I will do exercise, which will be my one hour walk eventually. I want to build the forty minute to a one hour, but first I have to do my forty minutes everyday and I mean everyday ...

thanks hun
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Ok everyone, after my discussion with Mal, Cinder, and Shane (a friend from okcupid.com)(he told me I was self-deprecating as well), Ive heard from everyone tonight. I am not with Peter anymore. I don't even know if I want to be his friend. I haven't decided. I am going to avoid him for a few days and see how I feel. I want to be independent and in my independence find who I really am. I want to eventually find someone to go hiking with. But that will take time, maybe later in the summer, after I am done self loathing, and actually love myself I will get together with someone and see about dating, but for now, no dating, only me...

Shane happens to be very nice, but I think its good I keep him as a friend. And I asked him if he would like a friend, and he agreed he would. So we email each other back and forth and its kind of nice. He is in the midst of losing weight (and he is very cute), but I am not jumping the gun. I think Mal and Cinder are right. I need to work on myself and love myself, and soul search, before I jump on the dating wagon

So cheers to a new search, of who I really am, Natalie jo Beinhorn! : A new segment to my journey...

Thanks everyone for always lending me the support you have
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[heathercb04]

Hey doll,

I don't do well telling people what to do. I will tell you something from my limited experience before my DF (dear fiance! ) and to say that I've definitely done very similar things - let things go despite it wasn't the way I wanted things to be. Just kinda let the little things slide because deep in my heart of hearts (never admitted to myself even until now) I was too afraid to be alone because I was allowing the men I was with to validate me. It is an insanely difficult habit to break, but I wish I had someone like Mal and cinderelly to tell me to knock it off. It's a mindset that doesn't change overnight by any chance, but just something that would be a good seed to plant in your head. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to be treated as such.

 

[nataliejo]

Hey doll,

I don't do well telling people what to do. I will tell you something from my limited experience before my DF (dear fiance! ) and to say that I've definitely done very similar things - let things go despite it wasn't the way I wanted things to be. Just kinda let the little things slide because deep in my heart of hearts (never admitted to myself even until now) I was too afraid to be alone because I was allowing the men I was with to validate me. It is an insanely difficult habit to break, but I wish I had someone like Mal and cinderelly to tell me to knock it off. It's a mindset that doesn't change overnight by any chance, but just something that would be a good seed to plant in your head. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to be treated as such.

Hey Heather
thanks, that describes exactly what I do. I am happy I have a friend in Alex, regardless of what happened. I have someone to walk with, hang out with and just have fun with, no connections otherwise.


thanks hun
You are all correct and its high time I start figuring out myself, rather than trying to figure out bf after bf.. u know

thanks hun
love yas
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Hello guys and gals, and other guests,

I broke up with Peter for good after listening to you all, and hearing what my new friend said to me, out of happenstance,

I believe you are all right, I need to love myself, before I can love someone else. And I dont want to be this needy chick, I want to be independent, strong, and happy with in myself.

So I broke up with Peter, I know I know, through email. He blew me off, even before I broke off with him lmao

it kind of hurt, but I must move on!

thank you all of you! I am going for my walk tomorrow and will happily blast the tunes and wear my sun glasses, excellent!


ttylater everyone
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Hello guys and gals and other guests,
Well I weighed 273 today, I figured I would. I ate a lot of pastry yesterday lol I was just emotional eating, but I put it back into the freezer, so I wouldnt touch it again and mom can have some when she feels like taking it out of the freezer, u know, but at least its gone for the time being ...

Anyway going to go for a walk today...
I am sure I will enjoy it, however, I will think much about what happened yesterday and what not. Hopefully I will be able to relax and just enjoy it .. u know ..

well ttylater
love yas
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Hey Everyone
I hiked up the North Mtn today!!!!!!! I went really hiking, not just an average walk, a hike up a mtn. Becky, my step sister bugged the hell out of me, and finally I gave in and said yes. And my other step sister went, Patty, and my nieces and nephews and step father and mother went. WE had nine people total moving around the mountain and exploring, but I didnt realize we were at the top and I had made it up until I came upon the Tower and I was like "Did I just do that?"

I sat down on the rocks and I just vegged and drank lots of water. I drank my mother water and Becky's water lol and mine own... I was just sucking down the water. I was losing a lot of suger and water was tight, next time I am bringing a few bottles knowing myself all to well

My eating has been very good today and I am going on my forty minute walk tomorrow, after mom and I come home after being in The clothing store and picking up knickers and tank tops for me for this summer... so psyched! I hope I will be fine walking tomorrow and my suger doesnt drop too low... I will have one bottle of water, cold, but the last time I walked it, I ran out of water before I reached the house and the water was hot. I have to make sure to put sunscreen on, which usually I dont bother, bad me! But I will do it tomorrow! Awesome everyone! Feeling good and doing good!

love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[heathercb04]

Hey there!

Just wanted to say hi and to say that I'm really glad you had a good day today Keep it up babe and enjoy the new clothes!

 

[jw372]

Hey, congratulations on the hiking and new clothes--sounds fabulous! I'm so sorry I wasn't around for the problems you've been having, but I definitely think you've made the right choice. For me, it made a big difference when I started thinking about being single in terms of being the "default" state rather than something bad that was happening to me. Being single is something very wonderful and precious to me now and not something I would give up without extraordinary persuasion. I have wonderful, passionate friendships with people all over the country, and I have people close at hand to tease me and give me pretty nicknames and eat dinner with me when I like. I have everything I want, and no man or woman is in my life just because I feel like I "need" someone else to love me so that I can be valued.

So congratulations and I hope to be around more and see how things are going for you! Don't worry about the upswing on the scale, just focus on doing what you need to do to feel good and right and healthy in your body.

Sophie

 

[nataliejo]

Hey there!

Just wanted to say hi and to say that I'm really glad you had a good day today Keep it up babe and enjoy the new clothes!

I ended up fitting in a size 22 shorts! they are a little tight, but one size down in pants and I am 18/20 shirt. Good Stuff Heather!

Thanks for your good wishes

love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Hey, congratulations on the hiking and new clothes--sounds fabulous! I'm so sorry I wasn't around for the problems you've been having, but I definitely think you've made the right choice. For me, it made a big difference when I started thinking about being single in terms of being the "default" state rather than something bad that was happening to me. Being single is something very wonderful and precious to me now and not something I would give up without extraordinary persuasion. I have wonderful, passionate friendships with people all over the country, and I have people close at hand to tease me and give me pretty nicknames and eat dinner with me when I like. I have everything I want, and no man or woman is in my life just because I feel like I "need" someone else to love me so that I can be valued.

So congratulations and I hope to be around more and see how things are going for you! Don't worry about the upswing on the scale, just focus on doing what you need to do to feel good and right and healthy in your body.

Sophie

Thanks Sophie,
I appreciate you wise words. I hope I can get used to being single lol its hard at first. Being alone lol but I shall get used to it. I need to become stronger .. you know ..its tuff

I dont want to rely on someone to be happy, I only want to be happy with in myself

thanks hun
ttylater
love yas
natalie jo

 

[nataliejo]

Ok guys and gals, and anybody else who joins me here,
I did not walk today, man is it hot, but not as hot as other people, but I love this, we have a thunderstorm coming, time to cool offf everyone

My hike was awesome yesterday, but I am planning to go walking tomorrow ..its only supposed to be 66 degrees at noon... going walking at eleven am tomorrow, when its nice and cool ...

ttylater everyone
Today has been a good food day, but because of the heat I took a nap ...boo hoo! lol
but hey .. I am doing good
I am now in a size 22, tight
and an 18/20 shirt so far ...

But the pant size is the coolest.. I havent been a size 22 in three years or four years, It feels like forever
four years ago I was going into a size 20 ... ugh ... all so long ago, but I am going to be hot this summer lol
yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ttylater
love yas
natalie jo

 

[ABBAgirl]

Hi NJ Whoot! on fitting into the smaller size!!! You are marching in the right direction, girlfriend! Love all the hiking and walking you are into - and putting yourself first. You deserve it! You are doing the hard work, physically and emotionally, and it will pay off in the end.

XO
ABBA

 

[nataliejo]

Hi NJ Whoot! on fitting into the smaller size!!! You are marching in the right direction, girlfriend! Love all the hiking and walking you are into - and putting yourself first. You deserve it! You are doing the hard work, physically and emotionally, and it will pay off in the end.

XO
ABBA

Thanks Janice!!
I am trying ... really trying ... didnt go walking today, but going tomorrow definitely, I was just so tired from yesterdays hike. Took a mid day nap, by accident fell asleep for fifteen minutes, hey its ok. At least I feel all good now, but I burned some food. So the house stinks to high heaven, tried just opening the windows ..not working .. oh well lol Guess I will just have to wait until the smell goes away ..

ttylater hun
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[Jess393]

Hey Nat I kinda quit checking out other peoples diaries and kept to my own, but I'm back to checkin on everyone. Hope things are well, and I'll talk to you later