Natalie jos new diary: Diary of ani_mia.

[Natsky]

So I am finally working on my novel... yes ...hello everyone!!


Its turning out ok, but Derek says I need to work on the spelling, not to mention I have been thinking about it. I need a thesauras too .. oh shoot I spelled that wrong didnt I ..oh well .. I have both ..so they will be next to the computer so I can work on my novel.

I am doing a supernatural novel, young adult, because its all I read. I never realized how hard it is to write an adult novel... lol with out it being a romance. I want a little budding romance in mine, between Charles and Xixxy, but I want to make its slow... even taking on second and third books... but I dont know how many books I want to make in this series, so I am just going to keep writing, paying attention to story content ... u know

but it involves werewolves, and other packs of animals, plus the Queen and Xixxy are witches and the Queen is also a vampire and they are prepared to make Xixxy the proper heir, by turning her .. its all good ...

it gets good with a little jealousy from Charles ..and his sister not being the rightful heirs, and not the Queen's daughter ..etc ... cant give it all away .. lol

anyway ... I have also been going through withdrawals from a heavy anxiety medicine, so its hard motivating myself to go outside. Like to anywhere, even when I want to go or have to go. I beat up on myself. I know the walking will cheer me up, will take the blues away ...but sometimes I just dont go. But I have been losing weight and I think part of it is coming off this anxiety pill... so I am happy about that... weighed myself today and I am down almost six pounds since one or two weeks ago ..all is good right now.... but I hate walking at night in this winter weather, but tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful, so Derek and I will be a walking .. try for a half an hour to forty minutes. I really hope I can... checked out the commons ..man ..covered in snow ...but other people have been making the rounds around the commons for exercise, so I think I am going to do that, starting tomorrow ..trudging through snow, but fun, because the park looks so beautiful covered in snow ... so thats my place I am going to walk toooooo

anyway .. good on weight loss .. will do fitday.com for a caloric intake for today and didnt go crazy last night with eating and binging ..been cooling my heels or eating at night ... things are getting harder, but better .. go me! lol

But with all of you ... writing in my diary... helps me keep going .. its nice to have friends, like all of you ..the support you give me is ...so wonderful and I plan to keep writing in your diaries as well ..

ttylater
always
your friend
natalie jo (hugs)

 

[Veronica2]

Sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you in your writing. I used to write plays in college as well as novellas and poetry. Now I have some great ideas for some childrens' books that I'm dying to get down on paper. Luckily I still have some contacts in the industry so I'm thinking about pitching to them and if they like it, then writing it down. Save myself all the hair pulling ahead of time.

Good luck writing and eating and exercising!

 

[Jess393]

So I am finally working on my novel... yes ...hello everyone!!

anyway ... I have also been going through withdrawals from a heavy anxiety medicine, so its hard motivating myself to go outside. Like to anywhere, even when I want to go or have to go. I beat up on myself. I know the walking will cheer me up, will take the blues away ...but sometimes I just dont go. But I have been losing weight and I think part of it is coming off this anxiety pill... so I am happy about that... weighed myself today and I am down almost six pounds since one or two weeks ago ..all is good right now.... but I hate walking at night in this winter weather, but tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful, so Derek and I will be a walking .. try for a half an hour to forty minutes. I really hope I can... checked out the commons ..man ..covered in snow ...but other people have been making the rounds around the commons for exercise, so I think I am going to do that, starting tomorrow ..trudging through snow, but fun, because the park looks so beautiful covered in snow ... so thats my place I am going to walk toooooo

anyway .. good on weight loss .. will do fitday.com for a caloric intake for today and didnt go crazy last night with eating and binging ..been cooling my heels or eating at night ... things are getting harder, but better .. go me! lol

But with all of you ... writing in my diary... helps me keep going .. its nice to have friends, like all of you ..the support you give me is ...so wonderful and I plan to keep writing in your diaries as well ..

ttylater
always
your friend
natalie jo (hugs)

Good for you for starting your writing When you're famous, try to not forget about us ole forum friends! lol.

SIX POUNDS! Thats amazing. Keep it up... I imagine it must be super hard with the med withdrawal, but stick with us, stick with Derrick, and stick with what you've been doing the last coupla weeks and things WILLLLLL get better.

 

[Natsky]

I've learned!

Sounds like you have a lot of work ahead of you in your writing. I used to write plays in college as well as novellas and poetry. Now I have some great ideas for some childrens' books that I'm dying to get down on paper. Luckily I still have some contacts in the industry so I'm thinking about pitching to them and if they like it, then writing it down. Save myself all the hair pulling ahead of time.

Good luck writing and eating and exercising!

I've learned quite about copy rights. And I think I heard you have to pay to get your manuscript copy righted. Piers Anthony said to send it to one of the publishers on his list, not to get an agent first. What do you suggest?

I know this will cost me quite a bit, but I have had this dream since I was nine. I used to write stories about animals, especially bunnies who went to school. I would keep the manuscrips in my folder. I was really happy. Than I joined a poetry club in fourth grade and began to write indie poetry, or the kind you might see from a beatnick. I wrote from that crowd. I have more than one hundred poems, some love, some disease, some depressive. I showed "The Dragon waits" to a very popular poetry writer and he showed it to his writing group. And he really enjoyed reading my poetry and said I was a natural. It felt good to hear from a published writer. It was very nice. It was a heaven or hell poem, suicidal, probably not popular ..but good .. I was proud of my visuals.

I took classes in English, extra English classes, because my mother wouldnt let me join chorus and I could not find an instrument I could actually play, its not in my blood lol... writing is. I have had the writing bug for a long time. I joined a seminar about writing childrens books and they told us about how difficult is it to get a leg in, but that creating your own book and upstarting yourself was the way to go. I havent decided what I am going to do. I think I may produce a couple copies after having my profs and my man look at it. He is pretty much a genius with writing. He has already pointed out mistakes. I read a lot, so that helps. Ive had this idea, wayyy before it became popular, somebody actually told me my genre of book wouldnt make it right now...and than all of a sudden everyone was writing the books that I so wanted to write. Its time to get it to a publisher or agent and do it. Now, time is of the essence. My stuff, my writing is popular write now. The genre I like the write is popular, therefore I am going to take advantage and finally write about my heroin, Xixxy. Where did I come up with Xixxy, I was actually writing Siggy and than found the name was already taken and I fell in love with Xixxy and I love the title.. I have had the title page printed in my copy of cat stevens album, my favorite one. Its incredible.. I thought Cat Stevens was the bomb... and I ... think I can do this and will. I am writing everyday, in and out, through out my day, its rather exciting. As it comes with in my dreams and constant narration comes even in the shower, I write my ideas down and keep trecking through this alternate realm I have created or am in the midst of creating. Its exciting. I have also wrote into contests and I want to getting the Writers Market. I talked with a publisher in Canada about fantasy and I have an interest in seeing that through, they have wonderful short stories that people have written. I think I have the knack for writing. Peeps even call me a natural born writer. and I believe them. I may write like a raving lunatic on here, but in my journal its where I can write horribly and not be stoned. I relax. Its cool that you have written plays and what not. But I am not interested in plays. I am just interested in the series I am creating. Dont know where it will take me, maybe on the chopping block, but at least I tried. I will keep chasing my dream. Its the only way to live. Live life to the fullest. "I live my life to the core and rind" as Thoreau said. It is where I stand today. Yes, live your life to the fullest, because you only have one life.

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Good for you for starting your writing When you're famous, try to not forget about us ole forum friends! lol.

SIX POUNDS! Thats amazing. Keep it up... I imagine it must be super hard with the med withdrawal, but stick with us, stick with Derrick, and stick with what you've been doing the last coupla weeks and things WILLLLLL get better.

e gawd Jess I gained two pounds back. I starved myself yesterday just about the the prior night, not last night, but yesterday and the night before, so last night I ate and ate. I binged, and now I am paying. I slipped back, sucks butt. Althought sucking butt would be rather nasty lmao ... lol Thats is silly, but it really does SUCK BUTT!!!

anyway so I have made a few changes in my diet. Wrote on fitday all my trespasses last night when I went to sleep. Every few hours I would wake up hungry, because I ate nothing, or just aboot nothing all day yesterday and went into starvation mode. I have learned my lesson, feed the gut so you can lose weight, at least feed it during the day ...

Well happy to see you hun
Will drop in to see your diary. Its always so interesting.

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

I found out race walking will cut just about five hundred calories from my diet if I do it for forty five minutes, by golly, its beautiful out, and I am totally there.

but to inject a little diabetic food knowledge. You are supposed to eat three small meals a day and two snacks. I ate yesterday, and screwed myself over, by eating a bowl of cereal at nine am and and and, than didnt eat untiil four thirty pm, and only ate half a sandwhich... and that was it. Than I ate dinner around nine thirty, shoot me now, a home made pizza with broccoli and sweet sausage. Shoot me now I say!!!

and so I was hungry at night, which is typical of a diabetic who didnt do almost any eating during the day, or didnt eat right. Oh my word, so of course starvation mode kicked in and than I binged last night, not too terribly, otherwise I would be up to 286.4, but I backed down and didnt do too much ... but I drank a lot of milk, wow milk has a lot of calories. Wow!!

So I added the calories from last night to today, because I have to work that stuff off. I am holding myself accountable. Definitely going to do that. I am hoping I dont go over too much by tonight, before bed. At first I didnt want to put last night on to today, but I knew I ate, so I needed to account it in my fitday.com account for today.

but anyway so this morning for breakfast I had two large eggs, with one slice of pumpernickel bread with a little sprinkle parmegian cheese on. And later I dont know whether to have half a sandwhich or a whole at one thirty ... that was when I had lunch/snack. I am really trying to figure out the eating thing. It is hard, plus with out the test strips, it makes it hard...

but I am trying

today for lunch I will have half a sandwhich with a slice of pumpernickel bread, two sliced of trim and thin turkey and one slice of mozzerella cheese. With mustard. I used to eat it with love fat mayo. but that is totally bad even though its low fat. So mustard it was. u know.

so anyway ... thats my plan so far, other than a thirty to forty five minute Walk. Race walking I mean... I will be walking ahead of Derek ... I almost hit a run, but dont want to strain anything, plus I am trudging on snow ..so that makes it harder, but on fitday.com they dont put walking through snow. Do you have any idea how much harder it is to walk on snow. I carried two full bags, loaded with groceries, home and trudged through snow. Assholes in homes snowplowed their snow into the sidewalks, it was hard to walk, at least My boots are tall and water proof, wearing sneakers today, the plow has been through, its warm out, the sun is shining.. I am taking my walking shoes out.. I always wear sneakers after they plow. Well I will drop in later to update on my eating... I surely hope I do ok ...

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[Veronica2]

I've learned quite about copy rights. And I think I heard you have to pay to get your manuscript copy righted. Piers Anthony said to send it to one of the publishers on his list, not to get an agent first. What do you suggest?

If you don't already know an agent that you trust then skip on finding one. They have a tendency to rob you blind once they find out that this is your first novel. But you have to, without a doubt copyright the manuscript before you start mailing out cover letters and sample chapters to publishers. If you cannot afford the actual copyright to start, do a poor man's copyright to protect yourself. Mail a sealed copy of your manuscript to yourself but do not open it when it arrives. Store it somewhere safe like a safety deposit box and never touch it. If anything were to happen, the postal seal on the unopened package serves as your legal copyright to the courts. They just have to be the ones to break the seal and open it to verify.

As far as breaking into the market, pick up a copy of the 2010 Writer's Market at your local bookstore. It is usually about 1200 pages long but you can search out publishers that are looking for your genre as well as who to contact, how to contact, and what they expect to receive in the mail to consider you. Typical turn around time for a response is anywhere from 2 -8 months so be prepared to wait to hear anything.

Hope that helps!

 

[Natsky]

Thanks Vernoica,
Your advice is much appreciated. Thats what piers Anthony said, not to get an agent first, but look at publishers. So I will look around. I also used to have a subscription to Writers digest. Which was awesome. It has contests and publishers listed and magazines that want articles or short stories. So I shall look into that too. I love that magazine. It can be helpful sometimes. I want to make this very serious book, with possibly a little lighthearted in between serious parts. But it will be a teen angst book, but the teen, heroin, will be kick ass... It will be a challenge, but since my brain never fully developed, I still act and think like a teen, plus the brain damage from the klonopin, just brings me down to the young adult novel age. I just cannot wrte an adult novel. I dont want to write an adult novel. I have always wanted to write a novel that inspires teens to move forward and look back and think good thoughts and just, especially teens who are not of the regular pack. I was emo, I hate putting a name to it, and I had not desire to be emo. I was very metally sick in high school. I was suicidal, I was oh my it was horrible. And after school it just got worse. but I have a four year education, but still did not graduate. And when high school was around I could have graduated two years before I did, my mother wouldnt let me go to chorus or anything, always had to do English. If I was going to do something, It was going to be something I loved with all my heart and so I filled up on English to the point I had long days of writing and reading and I have written short stories before, but never good. I did write a mythological one, that was good, but I am going to work on that, but that was six or seven years ago. Maybe I could do something with it ... its rather a wierd one. But man .. I love it. Its about the human race starting all over again. And what not and love and two beings that truly love each other, to the point they are willing to stand on water, in the sea for a lifetime ... and it ends well, near death, but it shows the good of man. Some peeps arent all that bad, sure we have messed up peeps and serial, gawd knows how many kind of those, but there are good people out there.... and a lot of peeps on here are good people, I love this site. So many awesome peeps. I love it. They inspire me and even get me to hold myself accountable and challenge myself .. I love it

speaking of. I usually dont go out, except for an easily stroll... today I walked a block ahead of my man, he doesnt mind, he wants to see me happy. And I only walked thirty mintues, but usually I only walk five to ten minutes..so better.. I plan to eventually .. in a week.. bring it up to 35 minutes and every week add five minutes .. untiil I am at sixty. I just need to find routes. Its so hard. The main city is hard, they dont have sidewalks out of the main st. And they have a tendency not to plow parts of the city... so its like ..ugh ... but I am new to the area .. just moved in a year and a half ago...and after being berrated on the street for having a "fat ass" all the way down the street too, people on the sidewalk were laughing .. I became less social and started staying inside.. but I dont let that bother me anymore ... now I need to get to know the neighborhood, so I can figure out where to walk, so I can just keep walking non stop ...

so thanks for peeking in


I did work off 160 calories... I know its not much, but its something. As I walk faster and for longer times.. I will probably take more calories off ... which I look forward to doing ..but only step by step .. I also want to enjoy the walk, but I usually just look forward, swinging arms and just keep walking ..but I love the cold air and wind in my face!!

Well everyone ... ttylater
love yas
natalie jo

will tell later of my lunch, snack and dinner ...

ba bye

 

[Natsky]

Hey Everyone,

So I sandblasted my butt, by not eating enough during the day and cramming at night, but, because I sped walk for thirty minutes and because I ate what I was supposed to eat by eight pm ... I ended up losing weight

lost two pounds. and I think they are staying off, going walking earlier today ...going to eat lunch at twelve thirty .. one pm ... having half a sandwhich ... because we are having dinner at five or four pm ...and I am eating a whole sandwhich at night ... because when I eat a sandwhich at night ...well .. I dont eat at night ..wierdness, but true ... I eat a sandwhich right before bed and I dont eat all night ... so I figured out how to eat and stay on line ..keep progress going and if I walk for forty minutes a day I will take off 300 calories just about ...which is over the restriction I need to go about doing in order to reach my goal of 240...so I may just have my goal weight before the time I put in fitday.com and I checked the graph ... and I am right there .. I have lost what I needed this month to meet my goal and I know I will lost another two pounds probably if I keep walking and eating right ... periodically through out the day and not in the middle of the night ...than I will keep losing ... and I will be on my way to meeting my goal before I thought I would .. I would be so proud of myself ...ahh

thanks for all your encouragements everyone ....
love you all!!

This couldnt happen with out your inspirational stories and learning all about you and I learn from all of you ..about exercise .. I take in your knowledge and figure things out ..this site is great!
thanks to all of you, for participating in my diary ... you rock!!!!!!!


love yas
always
your friend
natalie jo

btw ... went off another .5 mg of klonopin ..omgawd .. I ended up having a full blow attack of withdrawals, griding my teeth, restlessness ..everything ..rocking back and forth ...ugh ..this is going to be hard .. but I find inspiration here, and know I can do it .. I can do anything I want and will....
damn it all .. .whooop whoop ... lol
I feel good, regardless of the withdrawals ..by the end of the night I was so exhausted.. I slept well last night ... mmm... yep ... good news ..gonna try for forty minutes today, speed walking ...

try anyway ... if I get thirty five in .. I will be happy, but whats another block ...lol

forty it is
ttyalter
always
natalie jo

I exercised... for 31 minutes over 2.5-3.0 miles
and did 11 minutes in that time as a cool down.

as a result I burned 154+46 calories and I burned under a normal day + those burned from walking to come out with 2573.00 burned. However if I eat 1834 calories, I will have a deficit of 739 I think. or was it 709 ..anyway I am doing good. I did 42 minutes. and the cool down was walking and than extending those minutes down a snow packed hill, quite a steep hill too... so I did well and am in a lot! of pain!!!!

but I am very happy, later we are going down to the back where the waterfall is. We will be on the terrace and watch the water go over the damn and through the trees to relax. It shall be very romantic!!
yea!!
so now I have 1031 calories I have left to eat, which if you devide that between three meals you get 333. other numbers about ...so
I will have no problem with that and may even not eat that much ..so I will be winning on the weight loss front today. But it was definitely hard work. I actually asked Derek if I could get by him so I could walk fast ..lol he is shorter and I was at least a block ahead of him. I have no inkling how he puts up with it. But it is making him healthier, he was breathing hard, good ... its about time he started doing something and we are doing it together! yea!!

love yas
natalie jo

edit: I just had a nice dinner/lunch ..and my stomach is killing me!! I must get used to eating again. This is saddening that I am having a hard time eating. I need to eat during the day and this is my first day...

I ate cereal ...
K protien, one bowl with one percent skim milk
than for a brunch I ate
three dumplings filled with chedder cheese...

I thought that was ok, but I forgot to eat between ... ten am and five pm. So when I ate this dish, which was very VERY small, but perfect ... I have this stomach ache. Ive got to eat something between am and pm.. I really do and I need to do it .. have to do it ..or I am just going to get sick ..this is not healthy .. I need a snack at that inbetween time and I think crackers may do it. I do like the wheatables. And they dont have much bad stuff in them. Sometimes I think the things I eat dont have enough suger in them. ugh ..did I tell you my sugar is too low ...below 100 and dropping, because I was dumb and took an metformin when my sugar was already low, so now I have to stop that from happening, make sure it doesnt drop below 85 ...80 is the lowest your sugar can go and the highest after you eat should be 120 ...

ugh
thanks for listening
love yas
always
natalie jo

edit: I didnt eat lunch today! I burned so many calories, that what I had planned to eat wasnt enough and put it all together .. Im not eating that much, the much that I am missing is a lunches worth. So I suck. So I am eating low fat mayo to try to get the calories up ..and I am adding things .. I guess I am not thinking too healthy.. I am thinking too fast, too thin. When I dont really want that, but thats whats in my head. I have the eating schedule memorized. I will not miss a meal or snack, this is getting serious. I am so hungry right now, normally I would ignore the stomach pains, but I am going to eat right now, some veggies. I know, really not enough calories. But I have to eat them, or else, I will be too low, will still be too low if I eat them. I dont know what to do, but with fitday and everything, I am learning. I dont want to gain weight, because I am not feeding myself and I dont want to die, because I dont want to be so obsessed because I am dieing to be thin. This is bad, but tomorrow I will be eating what I am supposed to!!!

ugh ..no more anxiety... hm.. peace ..

laterz
going to eat ..
love yas
natalie jo

edit: I ate! and I feel like I could leap tall buildings in one bound!! It feels so good to be satisfied, I burped. and I drank apple juice, yea!! I think my sugar is back to normal and I feel oh so energized. I think this is fantastic... I ate a little rice and a little veggie and I think it was the combo that gave me energy. Now I just finish off with a small sandwhich at nine pm and I will be set for bed and wont eat anything tonight...
feels good
but I need to eat a lunch. I wrote down all the times I need to eat, when my body tells me to eat. So the calories that I ate, equate a lunch. This explains everything .. I figured it out!! Now I shall not binge and I shall be eating during the day! I shall save myself, dont want to be undereating and anorexic. I want to be eating right. so now .. I will!


love you all
natalie jo
sorry about the long post ... but I feel better knowing and figuring out what I have been doing wrong ...

 

[2Skinny]

Sounds like you're doing great watching what you eat and exercising Nat-Jo.

So cool that you're writing. It always blew me away that the author of the Twilight series said she sent her manuscript to 10 publishers and one bit ... the rest is history.

Have a nice night, Hugs, Lili

 

[Natsky]

Sounds like you're doing great watching what you eat and exercising Nat-Jo.

So cool that you're writing. It always blew me away that the author of the Twilight series said she sent her manuscript to 10 publishers and one bit ... the rest is history.

Have a nice night, Hugs, Lili

Really, thats what happened with the Twilight light author. Wow. It is and was a different kind of fantasy. No one ever bit at my stories, but they were only stories and its a country wide contest, or they were. Its the way it goes. But my prof, who is in a writing group and who has many published works, like my poetry. I knew it was good, some are horrid and just not good, but the ones I showed and of that era were good. I love writing poetry. But I dont know about writing a book of poetry; however, I have seens books, like Crank, I think it is called, that is made of a story through poetry pieces. There was one I read in the library, it was a poem, or really a whole book of poetry about this girl and two guys lives and finding each other and becoming friends and than one guy and her becoming more than friends and her dealing with her mental illnesses and living with them, and the next books in the series are about her too. They just keep going. And the author just put another book out called Crank I think. Its a very interesting read. I will have to look it up on Barnes n noble. I love reading.

and writing is wonderful too, its all good...


My dreams are to read as much as I want, read all the books in the young adult section and the Childrens section that I am interested in and dont know that are good, because sometimes you dont go out of your genre that you like and end up totally reading something the same everytime... but so far I have danced in many different genres... most being fantasy, but they are about different kinds of fantasy, some dark, some not so dark.... but all dark. They are very dark books, but have light parts in them, except for the fay... they are all dark. Its just the way it goes with the fay. They are not necessarily nice and dont care for humans. I love The New Policeman. or Tithe by Holly Black... next I am fit to read that series, Modern Fairy Tales ... by Holly Black ..they are pretty dark. Fay are mean!! In the seelie court and unseelie courts...and every where in between, cruelness...


but anyway thanks for stopping in Lili....

ttylater
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

So hello everyone!
Well last night did not turn out the way I wanted it tooooo ... I binged, anxiety binged. I was so anxious... I mean wow ... I couldnt sleep one wink... I am totally not cool with this eating at night and I dont know what to do. I was ok, I mean I didnt do too bad, but it still pisses me off that I ate last night...and ate pretty much whatever I wanted, at least it all had zero fat, but really yikes....


Even eating large quantities of diet food can make you gain weight. You know, even veggies, its just the way it be.


anyway so.. I dont vow that I wont eat at night, because obviously I am still figuring out how to find some semblance of control. But I will eat the way I am supposed to at night, but I think I am going to eat dinner at night tonight and a sandwhich at lunch time and see how the old schedule of eating that way, because we seem to get really lethargic before bed ... about four hours before ... if we eat ..at five ... so I dont know ..its all very odd ... eating dinner when you just dont eat dinner.... I guess thats about it... I will have to keep trying until I get it right and tonight I am setting up my grapes in a bowl so I will munch on those if I get up. Which would be much better for me than what I ate. goody... that taken care of

well its another day ... time to eat breakfast ..

ttylater
love yas
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hello everyone,
I know I was pretty intense yesterday. I just ...tired of sabotaging myself. I dont want to be ... this anymore. Where I dont eat all day and than binge all night and feel really guilty. I am finding a lot of girls on the forum are having trouble with binging at night, must be just one of those things. The media takes pleasure in letting us all know we have to be a size zero ..or negative zero to please even ourselves... oh well ..stopping with poilticol negative talk

anyway so its not a total loss, I learned something... I need to focus on eating during the day and try not to go over the handle if I eat a little at night. It seems to be a night with no food and than a night with food, or binging .. maybe I just need to eat at night, but eat fruit .. I have a ton of red grapes and green grapes ... the clementines dont seem to fill me up...

News: Derek threw out perfectly good grapes that I bought a week ago. Green grapes, for him, but I could have eaten them, but he threw them out with the other ones that were older. He must have mistook them. Oh well... my red grapes from last week are still nice.. I dont see whats could have been wrong with the green grapes. They looked nice a fresh a couple days ago. Oh well. Well I have my clementines and my red grapes. Not many red grapes. but hopefully I can pick some up a little later, we get money on Thursday... he gets his deposit from his work... his check ...so we will have some shopping money, so I will buy a ton of fruit. We will have fifty bucks ..so lets see ..any suggestions for fruit?

I think Strawberries
Grapes, hmmm they are damn good!! seedless! sorry dont like chomping on the seeds
lets see, what else. Well my clementines are running out, almost have gone through the whole box, they are so yummy and small and cute, and did I saw yummy and sweet. So must get more
clementines
hmmm
Anyone else have any suggests. I guess I could get one of those Walmart packs where they have all different kinds of melons, grapes, watermelon, and pinneaple ..yea. ..that sounds good ..pinneapleeeeee hmm ..yummy ...

I am hungry for breakfast now ..going to eat.. I have no clue what ... maybe Just two slices of toast with butter and .. I dont know ... ugh .. I dont feel like eggs ..because the thought of them make me sick sometimes ... Derek does have refried beans in the fridge and suggested I do something with them, but I have no clue what to do with refried beans, suggestions anyone?

I am not a good cook, he just comes up with ideas and they work.. I dont know how he does it. His mother taught him how to cook, he cooks, but he is teaching me how to cook, because I really want to know, so he doesnt do all the cooking, u know.

anyway .. I was taught how to cook.... fattening things, thats why I tell him I am a bad cook, he knows how to make things that are healthier, so he is teaching me how to cook, yet begs me to fry up some pork .. ugh ..no way ..think of all the grease!! lmao


Anyway I have been reading .. Derek Landy's ... Skulduggery pleasant series. The third ones has come out and I never read the second one .. so I am now .. "playing with fire" and the third one, which I am so damn looking forward to reading is "The Facelss Ones" They are the ancient god like beings that ruled the Earth. The group that defyed the cruelty of the safety ones are regrouping a bit, because every so often one of the old followers of the faceless ones would, which is happening in the book I am reading now, try to make the faceless ones come back from their imprisonment ... I dont know where they are imprisoned necessarily, but there is a body in the ground, made of differnet things, may they be of the earth, or human or wizard ... and they need the blood of an ancient and the detective ..a teen girl ...is a descendent ... so she has appeared after eighty some odd years and so vengence has come back, and is trying to wear Lord Viles armore to direct ghosts and haunts and it can kill him if going out of control ...and he is going to try to raise a facelss one ... ooo exciting lol it really is actually and quite funny banter between the whole group of characters ..they are a laugh, a riot ... it all takes place in Dublin, because the writer.. well he lives in that area ...
so I am able to picture the accents ... oh so cool!!

btw.. does anyone know how to find out how many calories you are supposed to take in on a day, because I dont know how to calculate that ...
I am 5'6 and 281.8 pounds ..hmm .. ??

anyway ttylater
love yas
natalie jo
and btw .. will try to make my caloric intake higher during the day and plan for fruit at night.. maybe its just the only way, only gained four oz last night, but still heading in the wrong direction ..so fruit it is.. I seem to lose if I eat at night sometimes and I seem to lose mostly when I eat a couple times of fruit at night ... well sounds good to me .. I was down to 281.4 but now its says 281.8

so while I can gain control back, thats what I will do ..ooo Thursday ..fruit day. .so excited!!!!!!!!

ttylater
natalie jo

 

[2Skinny]

Hey there Puddy-Cat;

Sorry to hear about the anxiety-induced binge. It's incredibly hard to sit with uncomfortable emotions and commit to deal with them in different ways versus eating. I'm sure you know all the tactics, write in a journal, punch a pillow, take a bubble bath, stay the hell away from the television because it's a trap for bingeing, etc. etc. You'll get on track.

I looked up calculators on Google and for 5'6", 281, and if you're around 30 years old, you need about 2600 calories/day.
Here's the link I used:

To lose weight healthily, reduce only to 2100/day for the first month and keep up with your walking. What I find super helpful is fitday.com to input all my food, faithfully every day so that I know what's going into my pie-hole. LOL

Most writers read a lot, a lot, a lot so that's great you're a voracious reader I kind of go in and out of reading, sometimes a lot, other times you'd think I was illiterate the way I stay away from books.

Have a good day, Lovely.

 

[Natsky]

Hey there Puddy-Cat;

Sorry to hear about the anxiety-induced binge. It's incredibly hard to sit with uncomfortable emotions and commit to deal with them in different ways versus eating. I'm sure you know all the tactics, write in a journal, punch a pillow, take a bubble bath, stay the hell away from the television because it's a trap for bingeing, etc. etc. You'll get on track.

I looked up calculators on Google and for 5'6", 281, and if you're around 30 years old, you need about 2600 calories/day.
Here's the link I used:

To lose weight healthily, reduce only to 2100/day for the first month and keep up with your walking. What I find super helpful is fitday.com to input all my food, faithfully every day so that I know what's going into my pie-hole. LOL

Most writers read a lot, a lot, a lot so that's great you're a voracious reader I kind of go in and out of reading, sometimes a lot, other times you'd think I was illiterate the way I stay away from books.

Have a good day, Lovely.

thanks you SOOOO much Lili!! I punched in some numbers ... and came up with how much I can eat, exercise and caloric deficit and all. And I .. wow thanks

I ate today ... at four thirty pm, because usually I eat my dinner than, made a mistake and ate too fast ..at three eggs, which Have been making me cringe lately, so no more eggs for me, but I ... yikes ... I am so hurting right now, because I ate scrambled eggs with a glass of milk, but also fast as lightening and three of them. I feel so utterly full and sick ..

lesson learned,
dont over eat ... dont think the end of the world is coming when you stomach is screaming ... just eat a portion size of two, but no more eggs for me and milk ...gack ..why oh why ..its the only thing I could find in the fridge ..man oh man... or it could be I waited too long to eat .. I ate when my body was screaming and I was rushing ..because it hurt so horribly .. I really am trying to eat right ... ugh ... I am trying ... but not making the cut, but getting closer. So my stomach is not used to that much food at once... so I am just gack ...and I need to relax and try to like make myself not hurt anymore, so drinking lots of ice water and just going to go lye down ...and eat dinner much later, because I am not going near food until much later, when my stomach says ok, you can be kind to yourself and eat my love, thats when I will eat, but I need to cook before than, but Derek does the cooking, I will be on bed, in fetal position, soothing my painful stomach .. ugh

but tomorrow is a new day ..well another day to make it right .. no eggs!! icks ..they are so gross! Toast instead.. Derek says I should put refried beans on it.. beans are ok, I just hope they dont upset my stomach... just going to put a thin layer on, very thin, and two slices of pumpernickel bread ... just follow his instructions ..every time I cook
I end up in disaster ..every time he cooks I am happy as a clam ..hmm ..oh well man cooks, woman does dishes lol cool beans.. good deal ... but he is helping with the dishes tonight ... I can barely stand .. fetal position ..yes

but tomorrow... I can eat about four hundred calories per five meals ... so I put the regular deficit as 205 ...and than with the exercise there will be a higher deficit...and if I have to eat a little extra I will, just not too much over .. just going to shoot for forty minutes, which is a 205 deficit .. so total deficit will be 410 per day, varying ... on my caloric intake around the number that I got from fitday.com and my calculator ... so

alas .. I finally know what I can eat ..etc ..and I am going to think ahead ..so I know my meals and figure out what will fit in ...and ... well there you go ..but I am going to slip in a sweet sometimes ... and I wont worry about it ..because the sweets have been few inbetween ..havent had a sweet for a week... so I miss it ... I keep trying to make it two weeks ..sometimes I dont have any sweet for two weeks ..than four weeks ... I think I will add a little pinash to my diet. Its ok to have a sweet once in a while....

I think I am going overboard and I need to stop, at least I dont check the scale everyday and I wont .. no way ..than I will be over the top!!

well so kudos to learning ...

My kitten is getting to know the other cats in the building and so far she has hissed at every single one of them, talk about territorial ..she was in a litter and they all went outside together ..but we got her at eight weeks ...so ... we are trying to get her on a leash and take her around the building ..we did it with Oreo ..and we had a blast ... we did it with Chewie ..and we went to the third flight .. I was out of breath before I reached the last steps to my floor ... lol we went all through out the building ..once she is out and about on a leash ..she and I will be taking walks around the building on days that I am not supposed to do anything ..days off, which I will need ...

so ... thus ... the night is here
and I am signing off ..
thanks Lili ..
gnight all!!

 

[Natsky]

Well I finally did it! I finally finally did it!!

I actually lost anouther pound. How you might ask? I finally figured out how to eat!

I ate ok yesterday, except for the eggs and milk were a bad idea, wont do that again!!

Anyway, I ate my caloric intake, and I only ate a coupld marshmallows at night. I had no feelings of hunger last night, not even when nine am came along this morning .. I slept all night in peace! It was ..wonderful. I ate all my calories that I was going to, which were less than what I had worked off. I only worked off about 50 calories I figure because of the damn marshmallows, but I woke up this morning weighing 280.2, which is actually 1.4 oz less than the two past days .. yea! I am making progress ... thank you Lili again!!

Anyway and I am going walking today, temperture is supposed to go up to 35 degrees, nice and warm for now... than the forties will be coming by tomorrow, so sweet, what a deal; however, It will be raining heavily at that time, but I will be taking a stroll, instead of a speedwalk, but I will make sure I get out there and enjoy my walk, will be going to the library to pick up INKHEART and SUGAR... so all is well with the weather...

The warmer weather and rain are welcome, to melt the snow down; however, we have had snow removal quite consistantly ... and as a result ...walking is pretty nice ...

Anyway I am happy, content, finallly I figured out just what was going on!
yessa! Jackpot! I finally have knowledge, knowledge that will let me lose the weight I so seek to lose!!

ttylater lovies
love yas
always
natalie jo


and btw...Have I offended anyone? Lili seems to be the only person responding in my diary, but thats cool .... I know .. I write long passages about books. I love my books, and hey I go through things ... getting through issues of eating disorders is tuff and a lot of people suffer from them, even when they dont know they have them. Its too bad some of them hide it, sometimes you need to talk these things out to figure out exactly what is wrong, how to go about taking care of the situation.

anyway take care all
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone when they did stop in my diary, but I think even with out the comments and kudos I am doing a pretty good job figuring out what is wrong and how to fix it. Thank you Lili again for showing me the fitday.com page, its helped wonders.

and also ... I am sorry I pleaded for people to come write, (bonks self on head)
I know you are all very busy people, so if you read this, there is no pressure to write, I know sometimes I dont get to your diaries either and get caught up in my own thing and only write in my own. I try to get to everyones diaries. but maybe I dont have to do that so much. I like writing in other peeps diaries, but I wont go out of my way. Its nice to know there is no pressure! Thanks everyone! Love yas
always
natalie jo
keep up the good work if you are reading this! ps, you dont have to write, its all good with me. I know peeps are probably reading it ... so ..laterz
natalie

 

[Jess393]

Lol Nat. I'm still here I just didn't have any time last night after the gym to check on really anybody. Noooo worries lady Great job on another lb, and keep writing That may be actually helping your loss Talk atcha later!

 

[Natsky]

Lol Nat. I'm still here I just didn't have any time last night after the gym to check on really anybody. Noooo worries lady Great job on another lb, and keep writing That may be actually helping your loss Talk atcha later!

Thanks Jess .. lol I know I am such a brat... begging ..for peeps to write to me. I am social kind of gal, but I understand, business, job, etc, can take over and it happens lol

The only time I dont write is when I am off the wagon. Its awful.. I try to make it to everyones diary for every post they make .. I know ... kind .. I dont know, but I figure, if your going to write in mine and I consider you a friend, I am going to write in your diary too... lol
So I like to give support ... thanks hun for understanding and I do understand where your coming from ..
thanks for stopping in to let me have the low down ...

always
your friend
Natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Well I cheated today (and hush goes through the crowd).. it was just an ice cream bar. Almost got a pint, had to drag Derek to the smaller ice creams and tell him, "look smaller portion size!" lol so he was like, ok

and than we bought a 20oz bottle of Strawberry Cherry Soda, decaf.

But I had about 12 oz .. I measured it. I am the measuring nut now on. I even weighed my lunch on the scale to make sure I got the proper portion size for a five day eat out ... I have two snacks and three meals ...

I had
K protien cereal with one percent milk ... nine am

twelve thirty pm ...
4.5 oz of cooked white spagetti, it was so good.

some butter, some parm cheese .. yum!

and than for a snack
3.5 oz of red seedless grapes

and than my treat, which I am adding to the caloric intake today.

.12 oz of Strawberry soda
and one serving of ice cream sandwhich ..actually I only had half

the other half will be before better, as they say, dessert after dinner ..

and dinner will be smaller tonight, because I thought was stomach was going to explode last night and I ate less than I normally do, so I am going to cut down some on all things ... it was 5oz of meat, but it still seemed too much, or maybe because when he cooked it, it came out so damn dry, I had to have a little ranch dressing with it. But wow ... what a meal. Plus I am not used to eating the normal way we had it. I will stick with grapes the rest of the day and drink the rest of the .12 oz soda with water. I know I mix soda with water, that is when I have soda... which is a two liter once a month. Its rather rare actually .. I used to have two liter a day, I figure its ok to have some. The two liter lasts forever, but because I add it to water, the carbonation goes ..ba bye!

anyone things are well ... I went for a slight jaunt... didnt panic because I was eating naughty when got home, but might walk to the third floor and climb from the basement tooo upward ... to get a little more deficits ...

climbing stairs most account for something ..
ttylater
love yas
always
natalie jo