Natalie jos new diary: Diary of ani_mia.

[Natsky]

Hello Katie, Hey everyone.... thanks for writing, and I understand, because I feel disappointed in myself everyday, when I dont walk, or walk for long. Sometimes I only walk to the library, snails pace, of course, no breathing needed. And it saddens me that only two years ago I was doing everything the right way, finally cut out the sweets, wasnt binging, etc, but now I have backtracked so horribly, sometimes I wonder if I am going to get out of the cycle. Obviously I am trying, because I dont purge.

but good example. I hardly ate yesterday, because I didnt sleep the prior night and ate all night, so not hungry during the day, than yesterday night ended up binging my butt off, and even forgot what I ate. ... I forgot what I ate! Can you believe that. I went to my case worker at Community partners, this non profit place and they are going to hook me up with a food therapist. I guess my case worker, liz, has never had to come up with a name of a therpist for eating disorders, but she says by next month when we get together at the library, she will have a list, and than I am going to do something that will really set my journey to a healthier me off. And I am so happy I remembered to tell her about last night.

so last night I ate a whole package of corn beef...and one and a half bagels. But havent eaten much today. I didnt sleep last night. Part of me has this thing where I need to eat in order to sleep, I may not even be hungry, but I eat. I go to the fridge and eat mindlessly too. Its wierd, but I hate when
I cant even recall what I ate the prior night, it just destroys my self esteem.

but I am getting farther. Today I took a fast paced walk to a store, walgreens to pick up milk, cat food, essentials and than drop of my script of my anxiety medicine.

so I am picking those up tomorrow, and we are walking to the commons to go to Arthurs Market to pick up bread. We buy whole wheat or Rye bread, pumpernickel, etc. With the eating disorders, I ended up causing a problem, diabeties. I did. and I hate it, but I am trying to figure out how to eat. I am sure I will figure it out, but eating during the day is important. I had eggs this morning at ten or ten thirty am. And had half a sandwhich this afternoon with mustard, two slices of turkey and one slice of swiss. And they were two eggs. I will be eating eggs for a while lmao, because I have no money to buy cereal or anything, but I had milk. For some coffee. I dont drink much coffee, but I do indulge a little, with sweet n low.


but my father and I talked, and he said its ok, to just get better is what he wants me to do. But he mentioned something. He said I might enjoy not eating during the day and it hit a ciord. And I think I used to enjoy not eating, like I had some control over my eating, but now its all over the place. I try to coincide my eating with alarms going off. It worked today and tonight I am taking half a benadryl to see if I can shake off the no sleeping. But I am going to try to be more mindful of opening the fridge. I have not opened the fridge before when getting up, just asked myself, "What are you doing? and than I just shut the fridge, hit the room and lye down. Eventually I eat, but not as much. I just wish I had the money to buy fruit. Fruit is a hot commodity, and if only I could have some. When we go grocery shopping, I hate it. We buy the essentials and by the time we are done we pass the fruit and I say, Can I, and Derek says, not enough money, and low and behold, we barely make it by. Sucks, but true. I wish fruit could make the cut, but we just dont have the money. Yogurt is also something I really cant indulge in. Oh well ....

but I finally talked to Dad and my case worker, took a fast pace walk... its all good ..today was a good day....

and tonight I am going to try, more than try, but not eat as much. I will try to cut eating at night out eventually, but I think its a slow process. I am pushing myself day by day. but you are right, not going for the walk because of such negative reasons, and not going even though I am so happy when I make a good walk.... well it is backtracking and I know that... and I know I am just hurting myself. Thanks for picking your words. They have really awoken me to the truth. And I will always remember what you said about backtracking.... because than ... I will go!

I will push my butt right out the door.

Going to go check out your diary, thanks for dropping in hun!

Natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Caloric intake, two years till two hundred pounds.

So this is it guys and girls, I went to fitday finally and have decided to become a calorie counter and more active person as a result. Because! The results were rather sad.


Fitday says my caloric intake for today is as of now a little over 2800 calories. I was on a major binge today and last night, that includes overnight. I am actually going to get a bike lock and put one on the fridge. I know that sounds extreme, but it is happening. Derek will have the key and hide the key and at nine am he can open the fridge door and I will have breakfast, at ten pm at night the fridge will be locked and I will have a tall glass of water on my bedside table for the night, this should work. We just need to get some money together to get a bike lock, but I think thats how bad it is folks.

Today was my one chocolate day, but last night I ate three marshmallow individual serving chocolates, talk about horrid and had chocolate cake with syrup and three small scoops of forbidden chocolate, luckily that was at friendlies, I dont have a supply here. But we havent done the chocolate, nore chocolate ice cream thing for a while, but after putting all of this crap in my mouth, I had such a bad stomach ache. I thought I was going to have to binge to make the pain go away, I ate so much. And I havent binged for a year and a half, ok maybe just a year. Its an ongoing process, one that I will keep going on. This is going to be a long journey. ... but I am doing it. .. I stopped purging, now how do I stop the binging. I am addictted to food and it really stinks. ugh.

Well I am cutting out ice cream and chocolate. Everytime I have it I get violently sick. I know I have an allergy to chocolate, but I never do myself good, lately been staying away from the stuff, but I sucked it up and tried some last night and today and I hate chocolate, because in so many words, Gack!! I got sick!


Good that I got sick actually, because now, I dont want it at all, being in severe stomach pains all night and day was no fun. Definitely not touching that crap again.

Also ...well thats been about what was the worst today. I have two small cups of dr. pepper... and 1/2 cup of diet rootbeer. Two cups of coffee. I didnt drink enough, oh and a bottle of orange juice. The orange juice was awesome. If only I could have more. Hmm I will get some orange juice for the house tomorrow. And I AM getting fruit tomorrow, at least one thing of strawberries.... I think I can afford it. I have fifteen left, bread, milk, cereal, and than fruit, oh and juice. I will mix the juice with water to make it last, plus cuts down on suger level going up too high.

but my sugar has been wayyyyy toooooo low. After eating it still stays under one hundred. Its supposed to be one hundred to 120 mg /dL after eating. Nope... most it went up after eating one chocolate heart was 106, and than twenty minutes later dropped to 102. What is that, my sugar level is now too low. What the hell!!! Cant my body get in the right groove. Even after chocolate I was an 85. By the time I got supper I was dropping below 80... man was I messed up, but I didnt want to eat anything until supper, u know. But obviously I need to eat three meals, real chunky good make my own meals, and than two snacks with some sugar or carbs in them. Maybe some pasta, one cup cooked would have done it. hmm Something to think about. or maybe the orange juice will come in handy in an emergency drop for a long period of time in sugar. Because I was at the hospital one night after not eating or drinking for three days. I was so damn depressed, when I woke up the third day, my eyes were plastered together, couldnt walk right, lethargic and my chest hurt, my heart hurt. I was not doing good, had my ex take me to the hospital, they told me I needed to monitor my sugar and I needed to take more klonopin, because of my anxiety. I guess they saw right through me. The put and IV in and I was fed through a tube. ugh ... dont want to do that again. So I need orange juice, but thing.

So like I had no breakfast today, bad me, but I binged during lunch time, with burger, fries, ice cream, salad. I was bad. It was real bad. and I think it was because I felt so shitty. I woke up this morning, not wanted to jump into the shower, not wanting to rise from dead bed, instead I felt like crawling under a rock and it didnt help having the guilt of the binge that night behind me now. So there is absolutely no more chocolate in the house. Nothing sugary, nothing well ... no crap to make me gain weight. of course problem is .. I binge on healthy foods, thats why the bike lock, so bike lock it is. And I will be drinking more water. But tonight I am eating my regular, or one of them, dinners, which will bring me to 3000 calories and than tomorrow we are talking about a drop in calories, because there wont be any chocolate, there wont be any junk.

I am going to have two eggs, with a smatter of milk in it with bread and butter, smart balance for breakfast at nine am.

I was doing this for awhile and I lost ten pounds with in two weeks. hmm healthy protien, but I wills have to have something like orange juice with it, because I am supposed to take metformin and I dont want my sugars going low again. I want to take them on time. I figure by twelve thirty pm to one thirty I will be hungry, like usual, really hungry by one thirty, because I dont eat anything after breakfast, if I eat breakfast, which I will be now every morning. Now when I have lunch, I will have half thwe sandwhich I usually have on regular days, but with one in a half slices of turkey and one slice of swiss with good ole mustard on pumpernickel or Rye bread, Right now I have a pumpernickel bread, and it is yummy. Than I will have a slice with one tablespoon of peanut butter, low fat, low sodium, that what I have. Have peanut butter rolled in one slice of bread, pumpernickel at five thirty. That will be the other half of lunch and my snack. And I eat dinner late, because sometimes I dont eat at night if I take the carbs in late at night.

Anyway so thats the plan so far. I will plan out the next day meals. and I have been taking down what I eat. and it is rather frightening during the binge part of the day, but this morning I weighed myself and I was 1.4 pounds less, hopefully the crap I ate tonight wont stop me from being below 284 pounds, but we will see ON The VDAY challenge. I have learned a great lesson here about food. And also caloric deficit I learned about on fitday


In two years, I could reach 240-245 if I increase my walking and take a major caloric deficit. Where my caloric intake would be 2050, so thats my start. 2050 and after fitday, I walk three flights up with two pound weights and walked around the whole building with weights swinging, got my heart rate up. I dont want to go walking at night in this city, lots of creeps outside, not to mention one creep in particular on my floor who loves women my size, bound. Not good, but all the halls are lit and the doors are thin. I can yell, scream and he wont be able to do anything. So I also keep the door locked when I am in and Derek isnt here, so the creep cant do anything. I think I know which one it is. There are two Dons, they live on the second floor and someone who works on his computer kind of slipped out about the stuff he likes, so staying away from them, and I know one inparticular checks out my butt everytime outside and makes me uncomfortable, to the point I use a totally different door to leave from.... well I am trying to keep safe and active. I just have to increase the speed of my walking and carry weights. Thats what I did before and lost fifty pounds. I will just make sure I have my scarf on, because I will be breathing through my mouth and the scarf will keep my lungs and throat warm. We are going to the commons tomorrow and to the bread store, which is even further. Than we are going to Walgreens to actually pick up my last reserves of klonopin. Good stuff!!

 

[Natsky]

I guess I wrote too much, here is the continuation of the last post...



I made my goal 200 in two years, but the graph shows that I will be at 240 pounds, so I have set my eyes on that. And I know I can do it. That will be about forty five pounds less and it took my two years to lose fifty pounds, so that sounds right. At first I put in 165 pounds, because that my ultimate goal, to weigh between 150-160. Fitday said that a woman of my height would be healthy at 150 and my doctor said 160-165 and said it was a damn good goal. So that is my goal. and my height is 5'6 just about ..its actualy

5'5.9 ... so I put 5'6 .... so right now the goal is 240 by the time 1/07/2012 hits and than I will think about the rest when I reach that goal, but probably take me another two to reach 200 ...so in six years I will have finally met my goal if I set it in forty pounds each step... I like it... good focus. Going to change my ticker into a new ticker and put down my goal as 240 ..that will be 43 pounds goal as of today, or this morning. I am so going to kick ass on all challenges, at least against me.

I am going to enjoy the challenges, but we will have to come up with something thats starts a week or so after Valentines Day and I was thinking, like "The March Spring" and so it would be from Feb to April..... end of April... it would be longer, but it would bring us to spring and than one from May until August... etc. I am trying to think of these things ... I hope this challenge this works. I rocked before on challenges .. heres to hope and I am bringing to the ring!!

Anyway I have been on my own tonight, Derek went to karate, I was a little manupulative on his bus ride over to meet his friend, said I was going to well... hurt myself most likely ... I am bpd, as we know.. borderline and I was really considering it...and than I realized what a freaking shitty thing that was to do. I am actually enjoying my alone time now. Because I worked out in the halls.... figured out what I am reading next... maybe I will start my book, I was thinking of the first sentence today and said it outloud, now I just need to type it down. But I think it would be better on the second book ... hmmm ..yes its going to be a series. I think the sentence wont fit the first one very well. Although it could be a prologue, beforehand, kind of like in twilight, the beginning, or there was another books I read something like that, and I have tried it in past attempts, but the book that I am going to start retyping as a young adult novel, might be good with a prologue "and as the portal opened I had no idea was plans or misadventures layyed before me..." I dont know ... work in progress <-------- lol well its a start anyway.. and once I start, the world I build become to pop out into my own life and takes over. Like everytime I enter that realm, they are real. Its with all fantasy authors. Once they begin they cant stop, and once they stop, usually thats when writers block hits, that why it happened to me. I used to type books for eight hours straight. I had a good solid one hundred typed pages, two sides on one page typed. Yes it was getting longish, but now I have dropped that project to move into the now. That tales was boring .. peeps liked it, but I want something, spectacular and by golly thats what I am aiming for, my best, or better. It will also be a long journey. I am going to make my heroin overweight lol a lot of them these days are. Girls going through puberty that are overweight. I think its great. I read them and I am like, where were these books when I was a teen going through puberty, looking down on myself and upchucking food, sorry to be so bold, maybe I wouldnt have upchucked if I had something to look at, someone who shinned who maybe had a little stomach like I did, its not bad having a little stomach. I think, a lot is horrible! I can vouch for that, but I was only fifteen pounds overweight when I started purging. To think all I needed was maybe a little more activity and I would have lost instead of losing control the way I did and still am. I am gaining incite from fitday and the forum here, coming out about my eating disorder makes it nicer, because now I dont hide, I am not in secret... people know how I eat and now I know I am going to change the way I eat day by day...

too ta loo

love yas
natalie jo
ok now that this book has started time to work on others diaries, but I promise I wont go overboard like now!
talk talk talk!


always
natalie jo :cheers2

 

[Jess393]

Ohhh nat. Keep fightin. Don't give up. DO NOT LEAVE THIS SITE AGAIN! I'm serious I'm jealous that you're a writer! I always wanted to write, but alas, i blow at the wordssss. Bleh. ANyway, gotta get goin, I'll check on ya tomorrow

 

[Natsky]

Ohhh nat. Keep fightin. Don't give up. DO NOT LEAVE THIS SITE AGAIN! I'm serious I'm jealous that you're a writer! I always wanted to write, but alas, i blow at the wordssss. Bleh. ANyway, gotta get goin, I'll check on ya tomorrow

Hey Jess, no, not leaving this site. I need to get back on track and its tuff,
I ate eight cookies last night, talk about horrid. ugh ... I am at my wits end, but I think I will be ok.. I have ..a plan ...

today I am going for a walk and we are going grocery shopping, should be fun ... we are just going to trample through the snow... I am going to try to do a speed walk with out killing myself on snow and ice lmao

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hello everyone,

I am holding myself accountable now. Only I can make myself lose the weight. Well I messed up last night.

I ate eight pieces of cookie dough, already portioned out to make chocolate chip cookies, talk about horrid. Wont do that again, ended up sick. Ugh, stupid me. I felt so desperate. ugh

I ate two slices of swiss.
I ate a slick of pumpernickel with two tablespoons of peanut butter on it.

with milk

Icks...what night and my acid in my stomach and mouth are kicking up big time. Ive got to get a handle on this, I really thought I would be able to not eat tonight, but I proved myself wrong, another day and to tonight, where I hopefully wont be bad.


So I will add those into my fitday.com caloric intake for today and now I am making my beautiful man and myself two eggs each with a little milk added in. The millk makes the scrambled eggs nice and puffy. And I am not going to have a slice of toast because my stomach is still not so happy, but I am really going to try and create this schedule ...

so here goes to something
cheers
laterz
always
natalie jo


Weight: 286.2 pounds
Goal weight by 1/07/2012: 240 pounds
Caloric restriction to reach goal: 205 calories
Caloric outtake, for twenty minutes on bike: 242 calories

I may just get below 240 in two years. Maybe by my birthday in October of 2011 I can be 240 pounds. Dont know, but I will try. Today I am going to use the stationary bike I have for at least twenty minutes and burn at least 242 calories. I am looking forward to it. But my stomach finally feels hungry. I have eaten three clementines and feel much better. My skin should look better in three or four weeks after my lifestyle change, yea!! I shall do this! I want to be happy and healthy and this is what I need to do, and will!!

love yas
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Ok, came to a decision....

The cookies I opened, well we are baking the rest and taking the other packages or pre baked chocolate goods, down to this woman named Pat. She will use them most likely with her grandaughters and grandsons. It shall work out. We have one we are keeping and they just have peanut butter in them, but we are giving away all chocolate items.

We do have cocoa, which I had a big cup this morning and I got really sick. My coffee is making me sick and I have a feeling its because its made from Godiva, little did a maybe not know that it has chocolate in them. I have been avoiding the obvious chocolate ones, but it looks as if they add chocolate to their coffee, so I dunno, but I think I am giving them back to my mom for lizzy, my little sister to drink, because she absolutely loves Godiva coffee, or maybe it is too strong. So I did not eat breakfast, just too much pain from eating what I ate last night, but I will eat half a sandwhich as planned at twelve thirty pm. They way I planned, and after giving away this damn chocolate, I will be a very happy woman. No more stomach aches. To think I am so desperate, that I would make myself sick. I am allergic to chocolate, and after not having it for two or three months, now I am a mess after having some, more than some. I wish I had thought about this, but I thought I would be fine. I could control myself, but obviously I was living in some daydream.

but it will be gone by this afternoon.

no more getting sick.

and in one hour I will be eating lunch, even though I am hungry now. And than I am going for a walk at one pm to the market, for bread, milk, cereal, wholewheat cheerios. Not very filling, but not fattening either, they will work. And of course the bread will be of the wheat variety at the bread store. but I am not going to use my weights, because... I will have to carry the groceries on the way back from the stores, and its long enough to be awful if I had the weights and the groceries. I couldnt do it. But tonight I am going to go twice around the building with my two pounds weights and will use my bike for ten minutes to twenty. I think I can do twenty minutes .. I will just have fleetwood mac pumped... lol....

so off to now ..right now ..a good start...

well I will check in later tonight
ttylater lovies
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Went shopping, bought fruit finally ... lol

ok ... hello ...

so I gave away the icky chocolate....


and I bought clementines today and green grapes... the clementines taste great, but my stomach still hasnt forgiven me for my trespasses, as far as eating everything in all its splendor, or maybe not. I hate chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man, does it make my stomach hurt. I am in so much pain after last night. And my sugar level is so high.... I am trying really hard to bring it down... drinking water, however I do have a spritz of apple juice in it. I havent had much juice lately, nore do I ever have. But juice is so much better than all that damn chocolate, but after I am done, I am drinking ALL water today, because man do I hate my coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I am just not happy.. I have no idea what I can eat that wont bother me ... now I have to rethink what is going on .. I pushed it too far ...

anyway I feel pretty good mind set wise. I know I need to make changes. I dont want to be at this weight forever. I want to be healthy ... healthy and happy... goals in life ...good goals ...goals that I will succeed at ..

love yas
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

ok...hello...so I am on the rag.... I have pcos....which makes being on the rag mighty painful, but all the same, every woman, or most woman get it.


or dont get it ..hmm

for the longest time I didnt, actually for twelve years I havent been on the rag until one year ago. It all changed when I reched the lower 280s ... Once I came that far down in weight I started seeing this coming back. Like my hormones charged....and the rag ...

I was so used to having it easy, no period, no insanity. That was what changed. And maybe that is why the sweet factor changed. I wanted chocolate when I was on the rag, but no more. My stomach was in a pit of hell, and part of it was the pcos and cramping. Now I know and I am thankful. I have been downing the water and had tea with sweet n low. My calories came around 2 thousand, much lower than yesterday, because I gave away all the sweets, so none to eat. Thats the way it has to be in my world. I cant have them around, sweets. If they arent around, they dont exist, therefore I lose weight. And that is how it will be. They are bad for me. I became terribly sick today, too much, a warning that I needed to get off the cycle.

We bought fruit, I spent some money on that, I had to. I hate not having fruit. So I bought a huge box of clementines. The strawberries were too much and they didnt look good.

I bought apple juice for when my sugar drops too low... below 85 mg/dL...


I am better tonight, hopefully I will sleep alright .......

but I am good.

ttylater
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[Jess393]

Dannng. I wish I was allergic to chocolate ! Good for you for getting the fruit- much better for you than the chocolate; or ANY sweets for that matter. I think 40lbs in two years is a FREAKISHLY realistic goal. You stick to what you know- walking, eating fruit, journaling, AND writing your books(make those no food zones), and you'll make that goal, and could even exceed it Glad you're not givin up on this site or on the lifestyle change. I can't do it this time either. REFUSE to do it. Have a good one Nat!

 

[katiedid]

Hey Natalie!

Hope you're feeling better. I have my period this week too and my cramps have been hell! Sometimes being a girl just sucks, lol. The fruit sounds yummy. Congrats on giving away the chocolate. That takes some strength to do Anyways, have a great day girlie and good luck with everything

Katie

 

[Natsky]

Dannng. I wish I was allergic to chocolate ! Good for you for getting the fruit- much better for you than the chocolate; or ANY sweets for that matter. I think 40lbs in two years is a FREAKISHLY realistic goal. You stick to what you know- walking, eating fruit, journaling, AND writing your books(make those no food zones), and you'll make that goal, and could even exceed it Glad you're not givin up on this site or on the lifestyle change. I can't do it this time either. REFUSE to do it. Have a good one Nat!

Hiya Jess, Hey Katie .... everyone who could possibly reading this ... lol

Well I did have half a chocolate bar today, I was desperate. Hadnt eaten much and it was lunch time, but away from home, so I split one with Derek and my sugar went back into where it is supposed to be. I am allergic to it, but I needed something fast to take care of the sugar. I am doing pretty good, just tired a lot. I think it has to do with my metabolic syndrome. or which causes symptoms like diabeties. So its a little out of control. When it gets to 115 mg/dL I start feeling tired. Bad.... I dont get it .... but I have been having good sugar and too low sugar now. No more really high sugar since cutting out certain things from my schedules feeding. But Jan, my functional support is going to get into contact with a nutritionist... and she is going to talk with my pcp.... so she can tell me what my metabolic syndrome is all about, because I dunno all I should know.

I need to learn how to eat and keep my sugars in line. U know ....

my eye doc said that too. She says my right eye has gotten much worse, and my left eye a little bit worse. Since I have been treating my body so bad, with starving and than eating too much and not drinking enough water to the point my eyes cant form tears who wet my eyes when I blink...

anyway I have to work on things big time. She is giving me a month and a half ... once I get the glasses, which is in two weeks, one month later I see my eye doctor ... and than she will check my eyes again, with another exam and see if I need another change, because with all thats going on, My eyes can change very frequently ...

so I have to get with the program ..
anyway I have lost two pounds since weigh in day... so instead of being 286.2 pounds I am back down two pounds to 284.0 pounds
so thats the right move, in the right direction. Now I need to keep it up. Been walking more, I actually like walking during winter, enjoying putting my scarf on ...etc ..

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[katiedid]

Hey Natalie

I'm glad that you are planning on taking better care of yourself. We only get one body and one life, so we should take care of ourselves and life to the fullest. I can imagine that it would be hard to balance your sugar levels with your diabetes, but I am sure that a healthy diet helps. Congrats on losing 2 lbs Best of luck with everything girl! You can do it!

 

[Natsky]

Hey Katie, Hey Jess, Hey anyone who could possibly reading this lol

I am so depressed, I have a head-cold. Not fun!! I had a totally bad bloody nose last night. And the pressure in my nose is incredible. I took out a lot of books from the library, which was fun, but I think I am going to return a few. But Dark Sister looks interesting. I read parts of it and it is good. Its about a witch from the past, many witches over the years ... they possess this woman's mind in the book and bothers her little son. Anyway so she is smearing ointments she is making on her son. She first found this diary, full of spells from other women who used to live in the house she just moved into with her husband, daughter, and son. So they realize there is a problem with her and he divorces or seperates from her and the kids are in the custody of him, because she has really got into the whole black magic thing. But eventually she is led out of the "dark side" by past women in ghost form...and mother nature, or whoever the witch obeys,... well she is released, I not sure of the rest, but I know her husband and herself get back together, but she was planning on killing her husband ..freaky, huh ..very scary .. it was on display in the library during October, I picked it up and when it became really intense I dropped the book off to the library and said I would read it again later.. I feel like I can handle the book ..so I am going to read it ..


anyway I lost another pound ... so now I am 283.2 pounds. I did have ice cream today, but its been awhile... not going back until a couple months from now. They tried to get us to buy coupons for other times to eat ice cream .. I refused them. I stood against my man and actually just flat out said no... they kept trying to get me to take it, but I said, ice cream is once in a while and with all those coupons I will be in everyday and I dont want that ...so good on me!!!!!!!!!!!

staying strong!! and losing the weight. Cant wait until I am back down to 269.9 pounds. .. size twenty for me... right now I am between a size 24 and 26... two years ago, when I first met Derek I was a size twenty. I still have those cool pants I was wearing .. I will be in them by the time next fall comes or earlier ... I am losing ..its all good ..going to use the bike tonight ..try for thirty minutes ... I will report by the end of the night ...

maybe that will lift this terrible headache ..and I am not on the rag anymore ..goody goody!!!!!!!!!

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Wwwwwhat a really terrible HEADACHE!! I have!! Yes the many www ....were meant to be typed. I was just trying to put across ... how horrible this headache is. I cant even read this book Rampant. Its about these unicorns that are evil. I guess it actually comes from mythology...actual stuff that peeps wrote about and had pics of. ... its an extremely interesting book and I would like to read more, plus I have over 25 books out or more and I am keeping up, but I am not returning any of them until I am done with every last minute of them, down to every last word... including the "about the author" part.

I read "The new policeman" good stuff... it happens to deal with traditional ancient irish music... the person who wrote the book plays the fiddle and what not, writes her own songs, and let me tell you ...she can spin a yarn too... I know seeing this screen is going to make the headache even more terrible, just thought I would stop in. I dont know if I am going to use the bike, but tomorrow is supposed to be in the low forties.... I plan to walk to the commons tomorrow afternoon... probably to the post office, its quite a walk, all the way across town ..and than I want to go to the commons, grass on lawns is actually showing and they say
February is supposed to warm up. Derek isnt happy about it, but I am. I will walk to my hearts content and visit the commons everyday and speed like I am being chased ... And swing my arms like a mad woman and once in gets in the fifties I am going to start carrying the two pounds weights to the commons ..should be fun ... the commons is so beautiful and they have this white gazebo ...oh ..it surely is nice to walk there and walk around the park, they actually have some kind of sand down on the park, or kind of in the park, a path going around it. I didnt walk it all this year, but I plan to change that come tomorrow!! Time to walk!! I just hope this damn headache isnt around, but I am not going to let it ruin my day like it did today!!

always
natalie jo

 

[Veronica2]

Sounds like you got a plan and are ready to attack it. I'm with Jess on this one, I WISH I was allergic to chocolate. Maybe the the threat of death would make me put down the Snickers bar and grab an apple instead.

As for the books, I'm an avid reader as well. I read at least a book a week on everything and anything so I can totally relate to your library excursion. Good luck with all your goals!

 

[Jess393]

Hey Nat! Good for you for saying no to the fatty coupons! Working in a grocery store I TOTALLY have a dilemma every frickin time I go to lunch. Grr. The last week I ate a piece of cake almost EVERY DAY. Jesus. Redic! I agree, these treats shouldn't be banished from our sites, or from our diets, but we need to treat them as a "treat". Something that you give yourself once in a while. Tomorrow starts week 3 in the challenge I'm in- and we've gotta write down EVERY little calorie. Therefore- I'm gonna be wholeheartedly intent on staying within my calorie range and trying to ween myself off of sugary treats every day.. Uggh.
Glad to see ya were down a pound too, awesome you know- you and I are relatively close in weight... I'm at 269 right now ( ) and I sorta hover between a size 20 and 22 right here. I hate it. Can't "weight" (lammmmmesauce, lol) to be a solid 190. I would KILL at this point to just be a size 14. Even a 16. Ahhh, one day. one day. lol. Keep it up girly! Sorry I haven't been in here in a few- the website has NOT been my friend this week! Its been running freakishly slow. Todays the first day it seems to be okay again
I'll talk atcha later!

 

[Natsky]

Sounds like you got a plan and are ready to attack it. I'm with Jess on this one, I WISH I was allergic to chocolate. Maybe the the threat of death would make me put down the Snickers bar and grab an apple instead.

As for the books, I'm an avid reader as well. I read at least a book a week on everything and anything so I can totally relate to your library excursion. Good luck with all your goals!

Thanks Vernoica,
I am trying. It does help that chocolate can't fit into any plan, it helps a lot. but there are other kinds of sweets..... so u know... I have to watch out for those. but My diet is doing pretty good. ... its just portion size. I need to cut down on how much I eat. and eating at night. I need to buy some fruit, which I think I will do today. I need grapes that I like. We bought grapes for Derek, but I don't like the green grapes, too bitter for me... I love red grapes ..so I shall pick some up today. We are going to walmart..

Anyway ...thank Veronica for stopping in!

always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hey Nat! Good for you for saying no to the fatty coupons! Working in a grocery store I TOTALLY have a dilemma every frickin time I go to lunch. Grr. The last week I ate a piece of cake almost EVERY DAY. Jesus. Redic! I agree, these treats shouldn't be banished from our sites, or from our diets, but we need to treat them as a "treat". Something that you give yourself once in a while. Tomorrow starts week 3 in the challenge I'm in- and we've gotta write down EVERY little calorie. Therefore- I'm gonna be wholeheartedly intent on staying within my calorie range and trying to ween myself off of sugary treats every day.. Uggh.
Glad to see ya were down a pound too, awesome you know- you and I are relatively close in weight... I'm at 269 right now ( ) and I sorta hover between a size 20 and 22 right here. I hate it. Can't "weight" (lammmmmesauce, lol) to be a solid 190. I would KILL at this point to just be a size 14. Even a 16. Ahhh, one day. one day. lol. Keep it up girly! Sorry I haven't been in here in a few- the website has NOT been my friend this week! Its been running freakishly slow. Todays the first day it seems to be okay again
I'll talk atcha later!

Hey Jess!
I am happy to see you back! I have had a few tiems where the puter, or the site, has been down. A few days ago I almost couldnt come on, because it kept telling me the site was not working ... I dont know


but anyway ... yea..... sometimes sweets should be fine ... I do it once in a while .... it actually feels good, because after I am done ... Im like, wowser... I havent had this or anything like it for two months ... u know ... its all good ...

Yea we are close in weight ... But what I would give to be down to your weight lol I hate being stuck up here, I have been trying and trying and trying .. obviously not hard enough and I know that.. I need to put myself out more, especially outside. but today is going to be the utmost perfect day. I cancelled my plans with my mom, just so we could walk a long time today. So we are walking to the post office across town to pick up my package, and than we are walking to the commons to check out how the park is doing and walk around, all in all, it will be a little over a mile...and if I can do more, I will!

ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[~Tutti~Frutti~]

Hey Natalie,

Thanks for dropping by my diary. I had a quick catch-up here and it looks like you're doing quite well so far...

I see you have plenty of time on your hands which can be good and bad thing... good if you want to get in some exercise, maybe try to do something each day, but bad in terms of food - I find that on days off, if I'm just around the house, the temptation to overeat is there (whereas if I'm out and about and busy there isn't the time to sit and think about food!) I'm sure you have things to do (dont we all!) but maybe try to work out an exercise plan around your schedule... or pick something fun to do each day to get it in, like the walking you've been doing.

Oh, and I definately know what you mean about the portion sizes - my mentality seems to be, if it's healthy I can pile it up on my plate and eat like a horse and still lose weight... which I can't lol. I've just switched to using a smaller plate to help me keep it in check.

Anyway congrats on the first 2lbs... once the numbers start moving each lb gone will be more motivation for you! Keep it up! x