Natalie jos new diary: Diary of ani_mia.

[Natsky]

Its not something to love ...

Hi Natsky,

Just thought I'd pop in with a bit of encouragement. My daughter loves ani-mia so the thread title caught my eye.

Are you keeping a log of your food intake? If not you might consider using one of the many websites to do so. From what you post you seem to be on a very low calorie regime which might not be the best thing for you.

ani_mia is not something to love. Its a disorder, an eating disorder. Its not a good way to lose. You either lose your life, or gain weight, which I did, because when I went to the hospital with a problem due to not eating for three months, except sucking down fruit shakes, I finally learned, its not a good way to go. I could have died. They helped me through it, the doctors. I have bouts. I automatically eat to low or binge...than I realize I have done it and hate myself for it. Its something that can become automatic. Its horrible. Thinking your body is never good enough, good enough for even your lover, boyfriend, fiance. So you destroy your body.


I dont want to be that person anymore. I am not on a diet. Not "doing" ani_mia intentionally. I am changing my lifestyle. Its a change of lifestyle and how you look at yourself through your own eyes.


Sometimes I love myself, sometimes I hate myself. Its this back and forth thing. But you really have to hate yourself to start ani_mia up. So I would question your daughter. Its not good.

Anyway no, I dont take enough food in a lot of days. Its automatic. I try really hard to take in enough food. I try to be mindful. Its a matter of being mindful, behavioral exercises. To not binge you have to be mindful... put things around that are healthy. Sometimes I keep strawberries and binge of those if its so bad I cant wait. During the day I try to set up a schedule. I usually eat breakfast at nine am, lunch at twelve thirty to one thirty, eat a snack at five pm to six pm and eat dinner at nine. I realize it might seem late, but it prevents me from binging at night and when I do eat at night I usually have a cup, or tea cup to be exact of special k protien cereal. I am losing weight and very slowly, but I would rather love is slowly and have it stay off, than lose it quickly...

I dont want to be ani_mia, you might want to have a chat with your daughter...

good luck
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hey Nat! Hope you had a good one, and enjoy your day tomorrow. Get your walk on

Hiya Jess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yep, getting my groove on. I am going out for lunch, just having a bowl of soup, but why not have it out. They have French Onion Soup. I was thinking we could propel ourselves on the way home!

just kidding, I am awful! ugh! I am going to leave that in there, sorry if it offends lmao

ttylater
will check out your diary..
I have been so lost lately ...

anyway coming by for a landing right now, dropping into your diary...


ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[cerad]

Natsky,
My apologies. I really thought from some of your posts that you were talking about Japanese animations. I googled ani_mia but didn't find out much about it.

In any event, keep up the good work and enjoy life.

 

[Jess393]

ani_mia is not something to love. Its a disorder, an eating disorder. Its not a good way to lose. You either lose your life, or gain weight, which I did, because when I went to the hospital with a problem due to not eating for three months, except sucking down fruit shakes, I finally learned, its not a good way to go. I could have died. They helped me through it, the doctors. I have bouts. I automatically eat to low or binge...than I realize I have done it and hate myself for it. Its something that can become automatic. Its horrible. Thinking your body is never good enough, good enough for even your lover, boyfriend, fiance. So you destroy your body.


I dont want to be that person anymore. I am not on a diet. Not "doing" ani_mia intentionally. I am changing my lifestyle. Its a change of lifestyle and how you look at yourself through your own eyes.


Sometimes I love myself, sometimes I hate myself. Its this back and forth thing. But you really have to hate yourself to start ani_mia up. So I would question your daughter. Its not good.

Anyway no, I dont take enough food in a lot of days. Its automatic. I try really hard to take in enough food. I try to be mindful. Its a matter of being mindful, behavioral exercises. To not binge you have to be mindful... put things around that are healthy. Sometimes I keep strawberries and binge of those if its so bad I cant wait. During the day I try to set up a schedule. I usually eat breakfast at nine am, lunch at twelve thirty to one thirty, eat a snack at five pm to six pm and eat dinner at nine. I realize it might seem late, but it prevents me from binging at night and when I do eat at night I usually have a cup, or tea cup to be exact of special k protien cereal. I am losing weight and very slowly, but I would rather love is slowly and have it stay off, than lose it quickly...

I dont want to be ani_mia, you might want to have a chat with your daughter...

good luck
always
natalie jo

Nat, I'll be completely honest- I didn't know what it meant either. You are working to improve yourself, keep that in mind. I know you probably hear it from lots of different people and may even get sick of it, but keep pointing in the right direction.
I'm sorry you've been a little lost lately keep in mind I am ALWAYS here for ya, use me to vent! DON'T give up, stick around...
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, lady

 

[Natsky]

Natsky,
My apologies. I really thought from some of your posts that you were talking about Japanese animations. I googled ani_mia but didn't find out much about it.

In any event, keep up the good work and enjoy life.

Thanks Cerad. Anime, ... is a Japanese for of entertainemnt. But I am sorry for jumping the gun. I have a hard time listening to others being proud of using anorexia. I have seen sites where they welcome peeps and tell them benefits, which there are none. Its awful. And I have also attacked a chatroom on aol about such things.

but Its hard to see mothers, like my step sister, influening their daughter, and than there ten year old daughters not eating, because they must be "perfect".... just scared me a little.



But I hope you enjoy life as well..and maybe I will stop by your diary. I really wish you well. Thank u for replying...

best wishes
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Nat, I'll be completely honest- I didn't know what it meant either. You are working to improve yourself, keep that in mind. I know you probably hear it from lots of different people and may even get sick of it, but keep pointing in the right direction.
I'm sorry you've been a little lost lately keep in mind I am ALWAYS here for ya, use me to vent! DON'T give up, stick around...
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas, lady

Oh ok Jess. Sorry all around to anyone reading the diary and not knowing.


I am moving forward, only gained two pounds over the holidays. The chocolate we are keeping is hidden somewhere. I have no idea and dont want to know. and all the other Chocolate we are giving away to peeps lol ...


yes Derek hides the chocolate from me. I asked him to about a year ago. And it works. During Easter I was awful. But I got a little out of control yesterday, but I left behind the popcorn with chocolate near the couch for them. I didnt want something that I dive bombed so badly yesterday. I dont want to move backwards. I want to step forward and take a stand. I dont want my body rulled by food, which is kind of is.

There is this fictional book called. "The Sugar Queen" It is absolutely delightful. A fairy godmother, who has been through too many bars and is a waitress at a greasy spoon climbs into Josieys closet one night, Josie wakes up and finds this fairy in her closet. She only has one shoe, low cut jeans, thirty years old, and a tattoo of a heart on her hip or upper arm. Quite the fairy godmother. But she befriends Josie. Josie takes care of her mother, she is her beautiful mothers maid. Her mother relys on her to the point that Josey doesnt have a life, except to take her mother to bridge, bath tubbing ..ect. But they have a mansion and helpers... maids ...


but Josey always end up in her closet where the fairy is now hiding and the closet contains a secret panel to debbies sweets, hots, and among other awful things one could eat, with a stack of travel magazines and a stack of romance novels, which she reads, while eating every night.

A bad day, she eats, Her mother even tells her to stop whering red because it doesnt look good on her the way it looked on her mother or herself. So we have the mom who gets down on her. But she has this big crush on the mail man... youngish ... and she suprises him by laughing when he says its days, like snow days, that make you want to go out and run and play under the trees ...and its warms his heart and hers. But than her mother announes she doesnt want Josiey to wear red, its too small a sweater, and than she goes upstairs to her room and she pulls the closet open, ignores her fairy godmother, and takes the cookies out, sits, and eats them. She takes comfort in her food, romance paperbacks and traveling magazines, thinking none of it is possible ...


So I am on a mission of self discovery. I feel like the sugar queen lol

I binged on so many sweets it was crazy. Hiding my sweets, now my man is hiding my sweets, so I cant find them... and I am reading the book. I am really interested how Josieys life turns out, with less sugar and more opportunities knocking at her door, especially one fairy godmother lying in hide in her closet...


anyway Jess thanks for reminding, time to move forward. Its a slow process, but one I am doing.

love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[Korrie]

Hey, thanks for starting the Vday challenge!! Looks like it'll be fun Let me know if you have any questions! I'll be happy to help

 

[Jess393]

Hey Nat! I see ya haven't been on in a few days. How are things goin? Let me know!

 

[Natsky]

Hey, thanks for starting the Vday challenge!! Looks like it'll be fun Let me know if you have any questions! I'll be happy to help

Hiya Korrie!!
Thanks for stopping in. Sorry I have been MIA.. been nursing a lovely, ugly, cold... lovely, ugly ..oppsites ... lol oh well

ugh I have been in, but I went out to the library today, but Thanks Korrie for offerring help. I defnitely need it, now I am guessing since I started it, I respond when anyone write in it. This is really something I havent done before. I am going to try really hard to respond to all the folks who chat. I get the emails in my box, so I should be alright. And the more, the merrier. I think I am going to have fun too, and maybe I will lose some much needed weight loss....

thanks for stopping in hun
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hey Nat! I see ya haven't been on in a few days. How are things goin? Let me know!

I caught a cold over Christmas lol My mother and sister had this horrid cold, and of course, Christmas, must visit, so we spend the day before Christmas Eve with them and than spent all of Christmas day with them, and I caught the damn horrid cold and now Derek is getting it. I hope we dont keep passing it to each other. I went out today and was blasted by cold winds. I jammed my scarf over my mouth and nose, but I just ..well gave up and when I finally got inside the library I could feel the frigid air inside my lungs, it was so cold. The wind just knocked my air right out of me. Ugh... but I am going out tomorrow. I just hope the going out, doesnt make my cold worse, sleep is horrendous, waking up is awful. We turn off the heat, because it usually ends up, up anyway ..because of the apartments around us have it high, but its freezing in the morning ... I dont even want to leap out of bed, but I do lol but tomorrow heading off down the ways of the road to kmart and sears and what not... dollar tree. Get my money tomorrow into my bank account. Cant be to loose with the money, but I am going to look at the books, there is a book store in the little mall.... family owned, but they have the new stuff.

I love reading. But as my functional support person said, my goal is not to read five books in one week, its supposed to be socializing and getting on walks ...

so I took my first step today and went for a tiny walk to the library ...


ttylater
always
natalie jo
thanks for checking in on me ... will check in on you too

 

[Jess393]

Nat: you should join the 12 week challenge. todays the cutoff date- but theres a whole buncha people already joined! It'll be fun and super motivational

 

[Natsky]

Hey Jess, Hey everyone,

Well I have already joined the Valentines Challenge. My weight this morning was four pounds higher than two weeks ago, so I gained four pounds over the holidays. and this is, I worked so hard to get the damn pounds off. I went walking this week to try and combat the holidays, so it could have been worse. But the chocolate is almost gone, and I will have Derek hide it and we are going to give the chocolate syrup to a neighbor, so I am confident I will get back to basics.


I am hoping to walk today, its bitterly cold and sleeting/ snowing. But I am hoping to get up to the bank and get to the ups store. The reason being, I need to buy stamps and get my rent check made out and ready to go. Plus I want to see what cool things they have at the store. The ups store is kind of fun to go into. It actually lets local artists sell their cards in the store, which is kind of cool. But I am making my own cards. Bought a fifty pack of white cards for ten dollars and a fifty pack of colorred cards for eleven dollars and I am getting pretty good at sketching and writing. Learning, and using all manner of art. My grandmother and my family just recieved their thank you cards and they actually said it looks like I have some talent that could be cultivated. My mother was always artistic and to this day still is. She studied art in College in NYC. And my sister graduated with a BA in art, and now is going to grad school for art therapy. She only has a year and a half left and is doing awesome. Part of that year is to intern at the hospital, because she wants to work with kids who have cancer. And I think it is awesome. She once ran a camps art center for a couple years and it was fantastic, said she had a lot of fun. She learned each kids names and talked about them. Now she chats with them on myspace. They seem to find her, she doesnt go looking lol. but when they find her, they tell her about whats going on at camp and how they miss her. And there is a big art society in this city. A gallery is right up the block, so I am thinking it would be kind of nice to learn. I have been sketching for two years full on, buying books. I havent yet done a sketch and than paint. I have tried something like it. It is kind of fun, but never seems to turn out the way I want. I have done charactitures, which I can do very well, but I want to be able to draw fairies and what not, so I can send my nieces their favorite kind of cards. Its much better cost wise for me to make them, than to buy them through a company making them. And I think its a lot of fun. The art side of me likes to come out, u know ...

well ttylater
will keep working on the weight
and thanks Jess for offerring up the challenge, but I kind of started the Valentines Challenge and than everyone else set it up for me!! lol because I didnt know how to set it up. But its a seven week challenge, just entered my weight, not happy, but I hope to be 270-274 by Feb 14th, Valentines day. What a great thing that would be.

gotta go....to make the day a great day!
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hello all!

Well I am at my wits END!!!

My sugar this month has been running on the low side and I dont know why. I know I dont have a schedule set of when to eat my meals. I havent been eating the greatest foods. And what not. But as far as stands I dont think I am eating enough and not eating in a schedule. So thus tomorrow I will do the schedule and figure out tonight what I am going to eat tomorrow. But seriously peeps I had to have chocolate tonight to try and make my sugar higher because I was falling over and It barely went up, I was still out of it. Dizzy.

Ive been staying under 100 a lot, I only go up when I eat, but only go up a little. I eat protein, maybe I am not getting enough carbs. That has been crossing my mind. I havent been eating what I usually eat and I am not eating correctly, but I cant afford a dietician, but It might come down to a dietician.. there we go, I think I spelled it correctly.



My functional support (therapist/ person who does and knows all) is mad at me, because she is a diabetic, and told me I need to talk with my docs and get my blood sugar under control. For awhile it was going from one extreme to the other extreme!

now its too low!!

oy vey. Now I need to eat more and stop eating chocolate again, which I only touched some chocolate today. The weather was crap, so I didnt go out.
I know its no excuse, even the snow looked inviting, rather than staying in these four or more walls. But I am going to take a VERY long walk tomorrow. I am going to a mall, by walk, to buy my niece a book series, about a girl who wants to be a wizard and becomes a wizard. I think it may be quite better, or homier than the Harry Potter series. Not so glitzy, with all the movies and money making deals.

ugh Harry Potter. She is reading that series, but I think it would be cool for her to read these books that have a lovely young girl becoming a wonderful wizard and meeting a friend who also becomes a wizard. And save the world many times I am sure.... I think she needs to round about her bookish material, not be stuck ........ maybe read more than Harry Potter and being a Harry Potter addict. lol

oh well... My following was creative writing and I read a lot of kids books, young adult to childrens and I see patterns and there are so many wonderful books out there, myseteries to fill the senses or overide them, therefore I bought her a book called Wonderous Strange and I am buying So you want to be a wizard tomorrow. And it will be a good walk!

ttylater
natalie jo

 

[Jess393]

Ohhh yeah, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere you saying the Valentines day challenge... Anyway- I think that your goal seems like a good one! Get your butt moving every day, twice a day if ya hafta, and figure out your sugar levels, lady. Can do TOO much damage if ya don't know whats goin on there. Have a great day tomorrow, and let me know how your LOOONNNGGGG intense walk goes

 

[Natsky]

Ohhh yeah, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere you saying the Valentines day challenge... Anyway- I think that your goal seems like a good one! Get your butt moving every day, twice a day if ya hafta, and figure out your sugar levels, lady. Can do TOO much damage if ya don't know whats goin on there. Have a great day tomorrow, and let me know how your LOOONNNGGGG intense walk goes

Not really that long and not intense, but felt the muscles aching, it wont take much. I dont get out much. I have been indoors. Its rather sad. It started with a visit from my sister, which has really put me through hell over the last two year and I have gained part of the weight back and it sucks. She said she resented me, because when I was thirteen she had to take care of me, because I was unable to move very well. I had Juvenile Rh. Arthritis.... it sucked... I went into remition...and now its back, well now its just athritis I am guessing. Not continuing to go to doctor. They said they couldnt help me, so I dont go. I just take ibuprofen and deal....

sometimes that can make the decision on whether I go out or not... the pain, but now I have been going out. Today I did a good walk. I did walk the back way, bought some books from a used book store, they were nice books. I plan to get my niece a barnes n noble card, so she can find something more to read, not all Harry Potter, so much writers are writing with suck imagination, even greater than JK Rowling ...


More than twenty years ago a series started

So you want to be a wizard. And it still is around today, the newest book just came out 2010... I am starting the series this week. Its gonna be good. Derek says its an awesome series. Its awesome ..but its funny, even before Harry Potter there were all these books ... especially this particular series .. its awesome ...

I am reading a lot about the fay, different kind of stories, different takes on fairies, except one this is true, fairies are NOT so nice ...lol

anyway will walk tomorrow
ttylater Jess
always
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

Hello everyone!!

Hello all!! Well I took my first long walk, long strides, swinging arms in the winter snow. I did it, and tomorrow I am going to do it again. Also going to take the long way around and end up at the library to return some novels I have read and I am going to start my own young adult novel. Yes, I am a writer. I know, my grammar sucks. But yes, I do write on occassion, but FINALLY, no more writers block. I have a constant narration going through my head, which only needs to be written down and funky dreams. I am going to take some of the family drama and enter it into my novel. I had already started an adult novel a while ago, fantasy, about spell books and a place called Kastra. But I am sure I can come up with a better name for my world. And I am not sure of the angle I am going to take, whether what paranormal species I want to do. I will have to educate myself quite a bit on all the myths about fay and all the myths and stories speaking supposedly of truth about Vampires. But I did have an idea for a novel, where I have this student, just turned 18, starts with a portal, ends up through it and in one of her travels is turned into a daylight Vampire who helps peeps, its all very complicated. Havent quite got it all down, but a travelling vamp that helps people, ooo a hunter for the hunted. Hmm thinking, playing, but I will also walk tomorrow a few miles and I want to see what the park looks like. Its supposed to snow tomorrow, I am wearing my boots from now on. My pants got soaked, my shoes, or sneakers got soaked, ringing in the boots..

well ttylater
always
natalie jo

 

[katiedid]

Hi Natalie

I wanted to pop in and read a bit of your diary. I am so jealous that you went on a nice long walk today. I wanted to go on a walk soooo bad. I have a tattoo that is healing, so I'm not supposed to exercise, but I figured a walk wouldn't be too bad. Except, I realized that I accidentally left my keys in my hubby's car after he left for work, so I was unable to leave the house all afternoon because I would be locked out if I left. Oh wells

On a side note, it looks like we have similar tastes in books. I love fantasy literature as well as well as many young adult books (I find they have an innocence that a lot of other books lack). Anyways, have a good night girie!

Best of luck!
Katie

 

[Natsky]

Hi Natalie

I wanted to pop in and read a bit of your diary. I am so jealous that you went on a nice long walk today. I wanted to go on a walk soooo bad. I have a tattoo that is healing, so I'm not supposed to exercise, but I figured a walk wouldn't be too bad. Except, I realized that I accidentally left my keys in my hubby's car after he left for work, so I was unable to leave the house all afternoon because I would be locked out if I left. Oh wells

On a side note, it looks like we have similar tastes in books. I love fantasy literature as well as well as many young adult books (I find they have an innocence that a lot of other books lack). Anyways, have a good night girie!

Best of luck!
Katie

Hiya Katie,

I did walk yesterday, but today was a bad day. I just wasn't into it. U know. This plateau is really getting me down. I do weigh one pounds less than last week. But it gets me and I dont walk, which happens to be the opposite of what I should be doing. lol

but I am working on it.

but thanks for dropping by. I have four tats myself. I have one that needs a little support back into looking how it should and not what it does. I never took care of it when It was healing, stupid me.... so it doesnt look the greatest. Plus I didnt go to my regular tat artist that I was going to, u know. Once you find someone who can do good tats, always stick with them, u know.

anyway I hope you are having a good night and where is your tat, that you cant walk? Is it on your ankle? or foot. I always wanted one around my wrist, or around my ankle, but the thought of the fragile bones and what not, kind of made me stay away from that area, plus you need to find an artist willing to do those aread. u know. And what did you get? Tats are so good. Its like they become apart of you. They tell a story, kind of like the Illustrated Man from Ray Bradbury.

anyway ttylater
natalie jo

 

[Natsky]

No I didnt walk today. The thought of being out in the world actually scared me. lol I know that sounds odd, but being overweight and walking are things that should be done, but sometimes dont because the overweight can be scared of how the drivers will percieve them. I know I shouldnt care, and I kind of dont, but I dont feel like becoming fodder. But there is a back way to the commons, a park and we are getting dropped off there and we will be walking back. I see my, well, a person that sets up budgets, psych doctors, etc. for me. She helps me run my life, you could say. Eventually they hope you reach a point where one can do all these important things and live a almost stress free life, but nothing is ever stress free for me. I am diagnosed with severe anxiety.

its really bad, to the point I cant sleep. I cant sleep, so I get bored at night and eat. Its a bad way to end up. But I take benadryl once in a while and it makes me sleep, only twice a week, depending on how I am doing. I take klonopin, but want to reduce the dosage. Its an anxiety med, that is also a narcotic. I never really wanted to stay on it, but my doc refused to listen to me, now I have a new doc who is listening and while I want to do this, it is hard. The withdrawals affect you physically and emotionally. The stress has increased and its hard to deal with, but I have noticed if I go walking and the longer the walk and my pants are so soaked through that I havent take this ultra great walk, I feel proud and like I did something for myself, I feel good. But I didnt do that today, but will be doing that tomorrow. Before we go get groceries I am going to walk around the commons and see whats up. Its one of my favorite places to be. The commons relaxes me, its in the center of town, but its private. So even though there are a ton of cars driving around it, you dont feel the heat of eyes looking at you. I know paranoia. Has to do with the weight.

oh also. I ranted at my dad tonight. I told him that I dont want him talking about my weight to anyone and nore to myself. He didnt take it to well and said, well if you dont want me to come up, I wont. And I felt like crap, because I called him while he was out and just went on a rant. But everyone is so freaking obsessed with my weight that I am obsessed too much with it. I am not healthy, because of how I reacted to people and my surrounding all my life. I have borderline personality disorder. When I first found out, it felt like a great weight was put on me. Everyone doesnt talk to peeps who have "that" disorder, they are "psychotic or crazy" peeps. I am a little touched, but with an awful childhood, mentally and physically abused, what can I say.

but I told him about my weight and we left it at that, and he was mad. but than I called back and said I was sorry and told him about the anorexia, binging, purging that I would do. And sometimes I slip back on bad habits. But I am trying to figure out how to eat responsibly and I want to walk more and not be afraid to go out my door, afraid I am going to get a barrage of insults, u know.

But tomorrow I am going walking, not a long walk, but a short one, but I will be swinging my arms and walk proud all the way. It will be a treat. I walked proud the other day when I took that walk that left me in pain. And I am going to start taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Elevators are pure evil, you start to just use them and dont walk up and down stairs, you become lazy... its awful...

so no more elevator, unless I have a full load of laundry, plus soap, plus money up the stairs, but otherwise, stairs it is. I live on the second floor, going up and down, up and down will be good and I may start doing what I did last year, which is take out my two pound weights and just traverse up and down the stairs or walk through the whole building, including up the third floor, total stairs. That was exhausting, but good. Sweat it out, but lost weight, way to go. I love living in a complex. Its great exercise. Anyway so I am trying.

another thing. My relationship. I just read about this book, about this woman divorce and how she would want to be saved in her relationship. I do that. I know I do and am stopping it. I feel like I am going far, well step by step, but I will reach my stability and reach my goals and become the person I want to be. I just hope I stay on this site and not drop of the planet. Every time I do, I gain weight back. All of you are so awesome, fighting to lose the weight, making goals and reaching them. I want to too. And this is such a great site.

kudos
love yas
always
natalie jo

 

[katiedid]

Hi Natalie

Sorry you had such a hard day. You shouldn't let what you think other people will perceive stop you from doing what you want to be doing. I know how scary it is to go out into the world when you are feeling self conscious, but every time you give into that feeling and stay inside, you are backtracking. Every time you feel that sense of wanting to stay shut up inside the house, you should gather your courage and go outside, just to prove to yourself how strong you are. Every time you do it, it will get easier. Good luck on your walk tomorrow!

I too have struggled a lot with anxiety so I totally know where you're coming from. I have taken benadryl many times to help me sleep and actually took it a few months ago to make me calm down when I had a panic attack. If I have a lot on my mind I don't sleep which is bad, so I really don't sleep as much as I should either. We should try to sleep better though since getting enough sleep helps shed pounds

Its good that you told your dad about your eating disorders because it really helps to have support from family. They are probably harping on the issue of your weight because they love you and care about you. I know it can be frustrating, but at the same time, know that they want the best for you. Its the same with my sister who is severely underweight and has some sort of eating disorder (though none of us know what because she's good at hiding it). She hates it when people comment on how skinny and gross she looks, but its just because we are all so worried about her and its hard to see her unhealthy.

Don't give up and leave the forum. We're here to help you, hold you accountable, and show you that you CAN do this. Stay strong girl! One thing that might make it easier is commit to staying on the forum for the duration of a challenge (such as the Valentine's Day Challenge we are both doing). Once the challenge is over, you'll feel proud that you made it that far. Then choose another challenge to commit to. Baby steps is the key and it will make the entire journey seem less daunting and scary.

Are you writing down what you eat each day? That might really help you keep track of when and what you eat as well as your calorie intake. Whenever I try to just remember everything in my head, I just end up eating too much. Putting it on paper will make it more concrete.

That's really cool that you have a few tattoos of your own. What are they of? This is my first tattoo. Its a large floral piece that takes up my whole back. I have done two sessions, and have one more to go. I think I'll have to wait until next month though cause its getting expensive and funds are running low, lol. I'll post a picture of it when its done. The reason I can't really exercise with it is because my clothing rubs against it a lot which is bad for it.

Anyways, good luck with everything tomorrow!

C-ya Later,
Katie