My Struggle

Feuer

New member
I decided to try a diary even though I am not the diary-type. I wanted to give it a shot for two reasons: 1) personal accountability, and 2) so maybe passerbyers can point out my problems (and I have lots!).

I decided to call this diary "my struggle" because my weight has been a struggle my entire life. This is porbably the zillionth time I am trying to make a go at it again.

To begin with, I am 5'1" and currently weigh 238....down 15 lbs. from starting at 253. I have no concrete goal, as I do nto know what I will settle out to be in the long run. Currently I am just working on small things and lifestyle changes. I am 30 and have 3 children.

A brief history. I was extremely athletic growing up. I was a gymnast for 6 years, played soccer for 5, basketball, tennis, scuba diving, swimming, etc. In highschool my weight held around 155, even though I was involved in sports, did aerobics every other day, and worked out at the gym on between days on nautilus and bike. Tried slim fast-- didn't lose. Tried weight watchers, didn't lose. When I was almost 17, I stopped working out alltogether and stopped eating. I dropped down to 123 and didn't look very healthy. (I have large bones.) I began doing aerobics again and gained up to 135, eating 1 normal meal a day and a cup of oatmeal in the evenings.

At 19 I got pregnant with my first child and gained over 70 lbs. with the pregnancy. Post pregnancy I was 185 lbs. This is significant because I have never gotten below 185 since then and that was 10 years ago. During the past 10 years I have fluctuated between 185-250 thereabouts. I go down, I go up. Both times that I was high (around 250) was when I got pregnant with my second and third children. I have tried just about every pill and program out there, but everytime I get down to 185 I hold steady and nothing budges.

I would like to get down to around 160-some ideally. Maybe it sounds odd, but I just want to be in a lose size 14. It would be heaven to be my pre-baby weight down to 155 or less, but I have given up that dream years ago. On the plus, I have a good shape even though I am large. I still have an hourglass figure and no rolls around the midsection. I consider that my only compensation for being large.

Several months ago I began using a certain workout video that I bought. I won't mention the name just because the rules of the forum said something about not advertising things and so I don't want to be guilty of that. I am not here to push nor promote the product, although I do absolutely love it for a workout video. It is right there with my style. Using the video and a low carb diet, I began losing weight. Recently I developed a severe dairy allergy. This has changed my entire way of eating. I cannot have dairy even in trace amounts, and not soy either because many soy products contain the part of the dairy that I am allergic to. I was sick for the past several months while testing the extent of the allergy and learning to read labels, so I haven't worked out at all. I am just getting back into working out.

My plan this week: work out 30 minutes a day (and next week 30 min.-1 hr.), at least 4 days a week.

food: goal to drink 1 bottle of water a day. (I'll eventually work up to two.) A second food goal is to continue to monitor my diet for dairy. I am still working on building my diet around no dairy, so I do not get sick. I guess I cna just post what things I eat every day.

I know that part of my biggest problem with eating is two fold:1) I do not eat enough throughout the day. It is difficult for me to eat several small meals/snacks, and most days I am still a one meal a day person. 2) I some times have binge days (which I refer to as my "bullemic tendencies" because I have never been a true bullemic.)

I am not a sweets person, nor a snack person, so I don't have problems in that department. Also, I home cook all of our meals and do not use salt nor butter (occasionally small amounts of olive oil or coconut oil). I boil and bake mostly. I do not even own a microwave, nor do I fry anything.

I think that if I could re-condition myself to eat small snacks/meals during the day then I would lose more. I think it would keep my metabolism active. So, that is my goal also I suppose. :)

That makes 4 goals: water, workout, no dairy, and several small snacks/meals.
 
The day isn't over yet, but I've got everything mapped out for the day so here is my goals being met/not met for today:

1) water-- met-- started my 1 bottle and will definitely finish by tonight.
2) Dairy-- met-- none!
3) exercise-- met-- 1 hr.
4) small meals-- not met-- already I skipped breakfast, had just a little water. Then for lunch I had 2 egg-potatoe- and turkey ham tacos with a cup of coffee containing 1 tsp. sugar and 1 tbsp. rice milk. For dinner I plan to have 2 oz. salmon, side salad (lettuce, carrots, red vinegar only for dressing) with my water..... and for snack later I have planned 1 orange. I should have had something earlier. Skipping breakfast is my biggest bad thing. I also could have done without the potatoes in my tacos. It's just extra filler that I don't need. I wanted ot put mushrooms instead, but I was all out so I grabbed a potatoe because I know my hubby likes potatoes. He needs to lose weight also, so I sholdn't have thrown that thing in!

Anyhow.... on a positive note...... Since I lost the 15 lbs. recently I put on a pair of pants my mom gave me for x-mas last Dec. that did nto fit me at all before. Now I could get them on and button them! They were a little snug, so I'm not going to wear them yet. I'm going to wait till I lose another 8 lbs. then give them another go. It still felt great being able to put something on that I couldn't before.

One secret I always have for working towards my weight loss goals is to buy something in a size too small. Then I have something that I must lose weight to wear!!! The problem is that since I have been big, I have not yet gotten to my coveted size 14-- so I have a whole closet full of beautiful size 14's that I have collected over the years and never been able to wear. :rotflmao: Everytime I get to a 16 I just get stuck and my body doesn't want to budge. This time I WILL get to that 14. :)
 
One secret I always have for working towards my weight loss goals is to buy something in a size too small.
I've been doing the same thing for the past year and it's been really working out well for me :) it's a great motivator... :D

Great job on getting into the christmas pants :D
 
I lost another pound this week..... so down 16 now.

Today I ate badly.... no one wants to know. :jump:

It wasn't really that bad. Just not enough veggies, plus I had a snack bag of chips with lunch. Other than that I ate okay. Not great, but okay.

Today is a no- exercise day. I haven't slept in two days for various reasons and so I am exhausted. (When I get tired I also eat worse, so that is why the bad eatign today.) Tonight I will sleep and tomorrow I will get back to my daily goals. :)

Expect a good report tomorrow!
 
So much for sleep last night. :rolleyes: My hubby had me up till 1 am! And lookee here..... I am up till 1 am tonight too. :eek:

I REALLY need to get my body back on right sleep track. Otherwise I get so exhausted during the days that I really cannot exercise. I have 3 children that I wake up to each day. Bright and early....sometime between 8 and 9 the little ones are up. Well, bright and early for me.... maybe not for others. :) And my day starts there. I homeschool them. The oldest two. The three of them are ages 10, almost 6, and 1 1/2. (a little over 4 yrs apart each). My days are filled with lots of busy things, and by the end of the day I may as well have worked a full time job I am so worn out. I have been off my sleep cycle. :( It makes me tired all day and eat more.

Daily goals met today = 0

I even snuck a teeny tiny bite of dairy, which I got sick from. It was only 1 tiny little smidgen of cheese! It is so hard giving up dairy. Cheese is one of my loves. All cheese. I just loooove cheese. I like every exotic and non exotic cheese that exists. I have never met a cheese I did not like. And now cheese does not like me. I could eat cheese all day long. Melted gooey cheese. Firm cheese. Spicy cheese. Cheese, cheese, cheese.

My new no-dairy theme song:



Okay.... time to try and sleep. :)
 
I would hate being allergic to dairy. I'm very sorry! But you have some great habits, you cook healthfully and that is wonderful! I think that's so difficult, I still don't particularly enjoy cooking, I'm super lazy, but I'm trying to become better. How large is the bottle of water that you're drinking from per day? I hope you can up you water intake soon, it's incredibly important and you're doing such an excellent job at meeting your goals, I know you'll get there. Keep it up, Feuer!
 
You definitely already have a good headstart since you cook your own meals and they are not fried or what have you.
I am also addicted to cheese-LOL when I dont have cheese its like I have nothing to eat.
I think you can try searching some vegan recepies and websites they will have tons of diary alternatives for you. Also there is some fake cheese that alot of vegans rave about I totally forget the name but i am sure you could fine it if you search.
I started losing once I gave up the normal german food since everything has to have a sauce its like calories galore.
I also have to try to start to sleep early.Its just so hard with the 2 kids all day long then I want some me time- then some husband and wife time when he can stay awake and it usually 12 in the morning.
You totally have a full time job being a fulltime mom and homeschool
 
Lukewarm, he bottle of water I am drinking is .5 L. It is small, but I am working on building up to more. I am not a fluid drinker at all, so even drinking this is a lot for me. During a normal day I have: 2 cups of coffee, 1 cup juice, and I force myself to have this 1 bottle of water. Otherwise I would drink the coffee and juice and nothing else. It makes me feel like I am drowning.


Rimay, I just love German food. The sauces are fattening but wonderful. There are some dishes that are not that bad, such as sauerbraten. I know you don't eat meat, though. It has been hard with my dairy allergy, because some of my favorite German dishes have sauces that contain some sort of dairy-- like the addition of sour cream or cream cheese. I have had to give up all of these dishes. It's okay. Maybe this time I will finally get to my ultimate goal weight! Ever since I have been heavy, I haven't been below 185. Maybe now that I cannot have dairy I will be able to break that!
 
Read your story...

Best wishes to you, sounds like your doing well!

I too need to eat consistantly. I never really overeat, until I binge that is! I believe I need to exercise to lose the weight. My bod's way to efficient. If we were cavegirls...we'd be lucky!
 
Today I got sick again. I don't even know what had the dairy in it to make me sick. Something I ate out must have. :confused: The only good part about being sick is I vomit everything back up. Well, vomitting isn't good. But at least the calories of eating bad stuff is thrown back up. (I am not intended to sound bullimic here. I honestly HATE vomitting and getting ill. This is why I TRY my best to avoid all dairy.)

Anyhow....I got sick. It was awful. Very painful. Completely ruined my day. Afterwards I always drink pepsi because it helps. I had a couple of pork egg rolls. Sometimes I think that is the only thing I can eat. Okay.....I was exagerating. BUt honestly, they have become my fall back for when I get ill.

Goals: water-- met
dairy-- not met, obviously but not purposely
small meals-- not met
exercise -- not met (ill)
 
I'm sorry you got sick last night. You're well on your way to meeting your goals with cooking healthy meals for your whole family. I too struggle with eating throughout the day... especially for breakfast. The last thing I want to do in the morning in shove food in my mouth... but after about a month I think my body is getting used to it. You have some great goals to meet. The no dairy one must be really difficult. Especially since you can't replace it with soy products. Eventually your goals will become natural and part of your lifestyle.

Have a good day,
~Jenna
 
Well, it's been awhile since I journaled. Life just gets so busy and time goes by fast. I wake up and realize a month is gone and I don't even know where it went!

The good news: I've lost 4 more pounds!

I have this cartoon on my fridge... Mother Goose and Grimm.... and it has these two elephants on it. The one elephant is super skinny and the fat elephant is looking at him saying "Sure, but can you keep it off?" :rotflmao: That is my motivational picture. I remember years and years ago when they would tell us women to put a pic of a bikini model on the fridge as inspiration of how we want to look. That never works!!!! I like the elephant one better. It's like a challenge...... okay, you have come this far, can you keep it off? I've got 60 some odd pounds to go till my goal. Getting down the next 40-50 shouldn't be that difficult. It never is for me. It's staying there or moving even lower that is the problem. Everytime I get to that 180 mark I get stuck and then go back up, up, up. I'm not there yet, but when I am I need to keep telling myself.... "Sure, but can you keep it off?"

My hubby needs to post in his diary. I think he is down a total of 14 pounds now. He hasn't updated his ticker. He's been super busy also lately.

My dairy allergy is still annoying me. There is always around once a week when I eat something unknowingly and get sick. I hate it. Plus I get angry that I either didn't read the lables the first time, or sometimes things are not even labled properly! My husband bought some sausage the other day. Our normal sausage brand is all meat, but this brand added soy in. I never even thought to check the label!

I have been doing great drinking my 1+ bottles of water each day. I have been doing great keeping away from dairy-- except about once a week by accident. I have been doing great eating my multiple meals (especially last week). And the only thing I have not been doing is the exercise. I have just been too busy. Not a good excuse, but it is the reason. This week, I already can predict I am not going to be meeting my exercise goal. Next week I am going to be back on schedule, so I should be able to meet it.
 
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My dairy allergy is getting worse. I am getting more and more sensitive to products with dairy in them. :-(

The chronicle of my dairy severity:
At first I wasn't sure that it was dairy. I did the elimination thing and figured out it was dairy, but not very severe. I was still able to eat something with dairy. Then it got worse till I couldn't have any dairy. I could still have generally have items that contained dairy as long as the item only had small amounts as an ingrediant (chocolate, bread, etc.) After that I spoke to a doctor and he said that my symptoms did indeed sound like a dairy allergy, possibly to casein. I researched casein allergies and discovered that it was exactly like what mine sounded like. Unfortunately, I discovered that casein is also in most soy products. Since then I began avoiding all soy as well, and noticing that I'd get ill if I accidently ingested something with soy.

Up until today, I couldn't even have things with trace amounts, but now the trace is getting even more minute. No more chocolate. No more bread. It is horrible. I am having to look at ingrediants of everything and you wouldn't believe how many things have milk or soy in them. I am so tired of getting sick everyday. I would go to a dietary specialist or something, but don't have medical insurance nor money for a doctor. I just need to keep cutting out all dairy and soy. I am fine as long as I have none.

Most of my daily meals consist solely of veggies, fruits, and meats (including fish and eggs). I am thinking that I might need to start baking my own bread, unless I can find a bread that doesn't have any milk or soy in it. They probably exist. Just not the brand we usually buy.
 
I am so sorry to here that your allergy is getting worse. I can only refer to vegan sites for meal ideas.
You may have to just start cooking everything for yourself and try to stay away from unatural and or processed foods.
Also about the bread it would be best to bake your own in large amounts and freeze it or search for a online store where you can purchase some.
Here is a link to tons of vegan recipies this the a quick french bread recipe!

As for uping your water drinking have you tried a little crystal light in your water or buying flavored water it will be easier to drink it with a little flavor.
With what your diet is allowing you to eat right now you should be able to melt the wieght off in no time!We really do not need milk-milk is meant for baby cows just like human milk is meant for human babies-I think you will learn to adapt to your new way of eating in no time.
 
Congrats on your 4 pounds lost:)

I'm sorry your dairy allergy has become sooo severe. Baking your own bread seems like a good alternative. I don't know if you have any in Texas... but stores like Whole Foods or Trader Joe's may have breads without milk or soy.
 
My dairy allergy is getting worse. I am getting more and more sensitive to products with dairy in them. :-(
the son of a former colleague of mine, has an allergy to dary, soy, tree nuts and a few other things... my colleagues wife basically has to cook everything from scratch for this child... it's a tough allergy to deal with and I hope you find some things that you can actually enjoy...
 
I have always mostly cooked things from scratch before, but some things I end up just buying-- like bread, sausage, egg rolls, etc. One of my problems was always that I tend to cook with dairy-- milk, cream, cheese, etc. I certainly think with being forced to cut out dairy I should start dropping weight. A blessing in diguise. It is just frustrating getting sick all the time and feeling like I can't eat anything. I can bake my own breads, but it's just one thing more than I really have no time for. We do have a whole Foods store near here, so I think I need to just go there and see what they have. Hopefully they don't have soy added into everything also. :doh: Soy seems to be a popular ingrediant these days.

I wish they made rice-cheese. :rotflmao:

I actually prefer my water plain. I do have some of those flavored sugar free powder thingys that you pour in, but I can't drink more than one or the sweetness even from that annoys me. Right now I have two bottles on my desk. One plain and one with sugar free lemonade.... the plain is 2 swallows from empty and the lemonade is two swallows begun. My biggest problem is that I am just not a drinker at all. I am never thirsty. So, I often just forget to drink and must force it down.

Today I exercised. 1 hour.
Dairy-- none.
Water-- almost finished
small meals-- nope. Have only eaten a bowl of ceral with rice milk today and it is 4 pm. I'm about to go have 2 eggs with peppers and mushrooms and 1 turkey bacon. Later I have a banana and an orange waiting for me. Today is a bad eating day. I need to go grocery shopping, and hubby gets paid tomorrow. That is my excuse.

Later I will upload some pics in this thread here. I don't want to make a before/ after thread. I'll just do it all here.
 
From what I can tell from shopping at whole foods for the last couple of years they seem to have every type of alternative possible. If they don't have the bread fresh... they have a lot of frozen bread products too.

I hope they have something for you:)

I've had rice ice cream and it was good... if they can have rice ice cream why can't they have rice cheese?
 
OKay, here are my pics from several years back around 190lbs. Yes, I took them myself (notice the cheap digital camera in most of the shots? ) :rotflmao:












And this is me several months ago when I weighed in at 253lbs.






Now I am down to 233 lbs. I'd like to get as low as 160-170. I am large boned, but only 5'1". I'll try and take a pic within the next week or so of me since I have lost 20 lbs. since those last pics there.
 
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