Finally I've gotten time to log online.
Life is pretty crazy right now, personally and professionally. I've officially started my temp job and last week, my bro and I began working 3rd shift, 10 p.m until 7 a.m. You can guess why I've been a bit busy and tired.
Regardless of the long hours, I love it. The job is to help remodel the store so it's a lot of heavy lifting and you're constantly moving which is a great way to stay in shape, you know. It's crazy though, last week I blew through 10 dollars worth of dark chocolate just so I can have enough energy and calories to last through the night. My nickname at work is 'Muscles' because I had the ability to lift 80 pound generators from the highest shelf and the boys of the group didn't. Needless to say, I was rather proud of showing off my talent. LOL.
Since I started resistance training with my tube, I've realized that I really am alot stronger and definately more defined. Even my father yesterday tells me, "Wow Rach, you're really toning up well." Of course I told people at work I could bench press 140 and naturally, my brother refuted it. So to prove my point, I had my 144 pound friend sit in a chair and I layed under it and lifted him right off the ground. He completely freaked out and fell off of the air launched seat. No longer does my brother doubt me and I found out today, that this friend is going around bragging about his friend Rach who is a chick and can bench press his weight. It really is kinda flattering, truth be told. I've worked SO HARD to get to this point.
The most exciting news is the fact that my father ordered a Bowflex for him and I. It's why I'm working such long hours these weeks. I have to put in a down payment of 450 in order to get about 700 off of the machine. I'm more excited that you guys can even know. Yeah, I've got quite a bit of definition from my training right now, but to finally be able to workout my WHOLE body, it's pretty awesome. I mean, if I get into GREAT shape at this age, I'll be healthy for the rest of my life. That's really why I'm doing this. It's for no one but me. Impressing people is fun, sure, but this is *me* I'm doing this for.
I told my father last night about my ability to press 140 and he laughs and says "That's my girl." lol. I do have an ability to forget sometimes though that I *am* a girl. I decided last weekend that I was going to box with the same friend I lifted in the chair and he about took out my bicep. I had to wear a gelband brace to work. I'm better by now of course, but my father told me that day that I had to remember that I'm still a girl. I guess maybe I take too much pride in being tough.
That being said, the whole ordeal between Mr. Confusion and I is still up in the air. I've done something to him, but I can't figure out what. At first, he avoided me completely and now, he's teasing me constantly around our friends. Yesterday we were all playing soccer and he offered to take my place on the field by announcing that I looked like I was about to fall over. I turned around and told him to screw himself. He was totally not expecting it, I could tell. The way I see it, if he can dish it, I can serve it and he constantly forgets this fact.
Honestly, I think I may have upset him yesterday and I'll tell you guys why. There was a girl, J.J who showed up at the party and he looks at me and says "Rach, who's your friend? I should go intruduce myself." At this point, I realize, because we're sitting in a gaggle of our friends, that this is most probably his way of trying to either make me jealous, or a facade for our nine friends by making them think that he feels nothing for me. Needless to say, I decided I was going to play along regardless of the reason of why he asked me. So, my friend and I go up to J.J and introduce ourselves and announce that our group of guy friends are attracted to anything that walks and they think she's a hottie. So I tell her to please play along and look over at them and flash them a brilliant smile by making them think we're talking about them. In actuality, I spent nine minutes talking to her about school and the summer and her awesome wardrobe but of course, my boys don't know this.
When my friend and I walked back over to Mr. Confusion and the rest of our hang, he gets up and announces to his brother that it's time for them to go. Someone then asked Mr. C if he was mad and I couldn't read his reaction. Truth be told, I don't regret approaching J.J. Mr. C has been nothing but talk since I've known him and I'm getting tired of his inability to tell me how he feels.
Truth be told, I honestly believe this was a jealousy attempt gone terribly awry because I'm not like most girls and played along with his mind games. See, the thing is, I can take him as he is, and I honestly think this scares him. He's afraid of whatever he feels for me. I found this out yesterday after our party.
We all went to his softball practice and there was a suffocating moment of about five seconds were he looked at me, and this is the thing you guys, since I've given him the letter, he doesn't look *at* me anymore he looks *in* me. There's something different in his eyes that's innately soft and almost...I don't know, pleading, almost as if he's telling me 'I'm right here.' It's so confusing to me. It's as if, in front of our friends, it's all a game but when we look at each other, it's a private show. He's told my brother that he doesn't want to go down 'that road' with me, but the way he looks at me and the way I effect him tell me differently. There's somekind of chemistry there that I CANNOT be making up in my head.
Everytime I get near him, I feel like touching him is going to burn me. This has never happened before. I can tell that he feels the same way because he's constantly keeping his distance unless we're walking, and he's always sure to brush against me.
I really don't know what to do about all of this besides give it more time. I don't know what was up yesterday, but I honestly think he's freaked out about people finding out, and truth be told, I am too. The power behind his eyes scares me, and what scares me more, is how they make me feel.
This is all WAY too overpowering for me. I'm praying it gets easier.
