My Story

[Invariant]

Happy Wednsday, you guys!


I'm in a rather good mood today. I'm trying to attribute it to the sunshine that's peering through my window, but I'm pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that I was able to run again last night.

I actually ran harder than I ever have in the past. Usually I run between 5.4 and 5.8 in intervals, but last night I wanted to increase my usual pace, so I ran between 5.8 and 6.0 for an hour. I went six miles and burned 730 calories. I was really, really excited when I was done. The only problem with my workouts becoming more aggressive, is that after the third mile, I had to step off the treadmill and retreive my box fan. If I didn't have a way too cool down, I honestly don't think I'd have been able to go for as long. I'm telling you, I was sweating buckets. Not to mention Treadmillio takes up residence in the warmest room in the house. The only corner he fits into properly is the one with the heating duct. Go figure. But anyway, I ran last night, and I feel amazing and I'll run again tonight and feel even more amazing. This brings my total miles for this week up to...6.40. In order to reach my mini goal, I need to run at least 9 more. I'm pretty darn sure I can achieve that.

On a more sullen note, there are things that are hard for me to write about in here, but I figure if I don't get them out, then they'll depress me. Recently, I've been trying, really, really hard not to feel self-concious. I realize, I need to be at a place where I'm at peace with myself and I'm not there yet. You see, losing 130 pounds doesn't come without physical repercussions and because of those, I have a very low self-esteem. For instance, I'm pretty darn sure I lost a cup size and I'm trying really, really hard for it to NOT bother me, but it's difficult. But the fact of the matter is, in the long run, I'd rather be flat-chested and healthy then vuloptous and obese. You know? I'm addicted to being athletic, and because of it, some of my curve is lost. The greatest part about it though are my sculpted legs. I have no cellulite whatsoever. From my toes to my hip bone, my legs are just...sculpted and I try and augment them. It really takes the focus away from the things about myself I'm not happy about. I mean, I feel sexy in a pair of boxers, and I'm not talking like sorta kinda, I'm talking REALLY sexy in a pair of boxers with lips that glow-in-the-dark. (Why? Cause they're the most comfy pair I own) I do think eventually I'll get over this though. I've never really dealt with my self-esteem issues and I really do think it's about darn time I approached them. I need to admit the things I don't want to admit and accept that this is how God has made me, and I have to have peace with myself in order to be happy. I'm ready for that step too, let me tell you. I need to be happier in my own skin. It's about time that happens.

Anways, I hope all of you are having a good day! Much love to you all!

 

[Invariant]

Hi there! I saw your post on Angel's page and I realized that you are and I are very similar. Both in the 150's and love to run! How awesome is that??!! I'm training for my 2nd 1/2 marathon on March 30th. Ran 9 miles last Saturday, ran 4 this morning and hope to do another 4-5miles on Thursday AM. Then I'm going to do 10 miles this coming Saturday and then take a break until the 1/2.

Running is such a personal thing and it does feel really good to know that it is an accomplishment. I remember when i first started running on the all weather track at the local highschool. I couldn't even run 1/2 lap w/out stopping. My breathing was erratic and my shins killed me. Now I can run with ease although the long distances always do take their toll...especially after the 7th mile. I still have a long way to go but each time I run I feel that I am getting that much closer to getting into the best shape of my life

Anywho, I'll be visiting your page more often to see how you are doing. Have a great week!

HI!!

Oh wow honey, look at you! You run more then I do. That's uberly impressive. I honestly don't think I could physically manage 10 miles at a time. Can I ask if you spread the mileage out, or do you pound that out in one routine?

I can sympathize with you completley when it comes to building your body up to take such a beating. When I first started out, I couldn't run more than a half a mile without getting out of breath. If I recall correctly, that was when I was around 220 pounds. 60 pounds lighter and I'm able to go twelve times that now. Because I'm so young, I can only hope to work myself up to run like you do. I'm thinking, if I can run 6 rather easily now, maybe in a couple more months I can achieve 7 or 8 miles a night and so on and so forth. I'm just not into pushing myself to hard. I'm training at a pace my body can be comfortable with. I still consider it HIIT when I only run that last mile on a higher speed. Sooner or later, all of those miles will be a higher speed, you know?

What is your heart rate when you run? I was testing out a theory last night, and resting, my heart rate is 120, and when I run it increases by about 30 beats per minute. That means for an hour, my heart rate is anywhere from 145 to 160 depending on how far I push myself. Pretty sure this is where the term 'cardio' comes in. LOL.

Wow, I'm so excited you foud me! It's great having a fellow runner to talk to! You're definitely most welcome here, chica.

 

[lovelymachine]

Girl focus on the legs that sprout from your neck! hehe Rock those boxers! Congradualtions on the run! I'm extremely jealous, I can run... um, *cough*maybe a minute?!*cough* Which is obviously something I am now going to work on so I can have legs like yours!

Keep your chin up! I'm wishing you tons of positive self esteem vibes to come your way!

EDIT: I just realized that I seem overly exclamatory in this reply. Just take is a good thing mmkay?

 

[Invariant]

Girl focus on the legs that sprout from your neck! hehe Rock those boxers! Congradualtions on the run! I'm extremely jealous, I can run... um, *cough*maybe a minute?!*cough* Which is obviously something I am now going to work on so I can have legs like yours!

Keep your chin up! I'm wishing you tons of positive self esteem vibes to come your way!

EDIT: I just realized that I seem overly exclamatory in this reply. Just take is a good thing mmkay?

Oh nothing but, honey! I get excited to see overly exclamatory posts. It makes me feel as though I'm not alone when I flail so much. LOL. "Rock those boxers" lol...I love it. Haha.

You know what though, I can't stand boy shorts. Apparently girls are supposed to sleep in them, but they are SO ubelievably short. I'd like to consider myself relatively modest when it comes to clothing choices, and I don't want my jammie bottoms riding up when I'm trying to sleep comfortably. That's why I like boxers, there a good length, 100% cotton and they come in packs of four. Not to mention the esthetically pleasing male model on the package makes them that much more tempting to buy...lol...

And hey, I'm glad you found my journal, lovely! You're most welcome here anytime! And you know what, you should start running. It's a great form of exercise and I'll tell you what, my legs and abs are SO MUCH stronger now. I realize I can lift ALL of my upper body weight onto the balls of my toes. Isn't that crazy? It's because I've thickened my leg bones, and they can hold alot more weight then those of a swimmer's for example. My lower body is pretty fit. It's actually exciting for me. I can probably be a relatively good dancer if I wanted to be. I may consider it someday, who knows.

 

[bikinibound]

Hey sweetness, don't worry about your boobs. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. Look at actress Deborah Messing--she's a flat as a board, and I think most people (including men) think she's sexy and attractive. Not all men want women with massive boobs, trust me. Besides that, I once had a friend who used to say that more than a mouthful is wasted. I'll be that made you laugh and blush. And, who cares about your knockers when your legs are long and ripped. The song Long, Cool Woman in a Black Dress comes to mind when I think of you.

What's more important than your cup size is your personality and character. If a man is only drawn to women with DDs, then that is a man not worthy of your greatness.

Now, as it's TLD, and we're on the topic of boobs, here's a complimentary boobie soaping for you.

 

[LovelyLadyHumps]

Can I ask if you spread the mileage out, or do you pound that out in one routine?

What is your heart rate when you run?

Wow, I'm so excited you foud me! It's great having a fellow runner to talk to! You're definitely most welcome here, chica.

I currently don't spread my mileage out. I run it all in one session. This Saturday's run will entail 10 straight miles w/only seconds of rest in between for drink breaks and shots of Gu. This Saturday I will run with my sports bottle strapped to my hand to mimic the big day on the 30th. Water stations on 1/2 marathon routes are always few and far between. LOL So I have to carry a drink w/me...otherwise I'll be hurting.

I don't currently wear my heart rate monitor but I'll put it on next time to see what my heart rate is. Being that you are younger than me I bet you run a much faster pace. I normally run slow and steady but focus on the mileage and working on my endurance. After I lose more weight I'm hoping that my pace will pick up. I figure the less weight on my bones and feet the faster I can run right?

I'm still very much an amatuer runner. I've only been at it for about 9 months now but boy...have I made great strides in these past 9 months. It's amazing how our body adapts when we put our mind to things.

I'm glad you are enjoying the benefits of runner's legs. I'm seeing some nice definition in my calves and hamstrings although partially covered but some fat. Can't wait to shed another 10lbs to see these babies.

Have a great day!!

 

[Invariant]

Kimmy, you did seriously make me laugh and blush. And you know, I'm not as self-concious about it as I think I am, in all honestly. I've so many other things to be proud of. I just have moments, you know? But you always manage to make me feel better about myself. So thank you so much for that. Maybe it's because I'm all sudsy now. LOL.

And I do have to tell you guys, if you want something to snack on all day long, try julianne carrots, radishes,dried cranberries and lemon juice/olive oil/ and ginger as a salad. I have a good friend who made this for a potluck on Sunday, and I was addicted to it. It's actually a cleanser I guess. It can be used as a detoxification, and it's SO delicious. I can't find the recipe anywhere, but as soon as I get it, I'll definitely post it.

The ingredients I can recall are shredded carrots, chopped radishes, dried cranberries, ginger, lemon juice, olive oil and raw sugar. Even just these ingredients together is amazing. I added also, chopped apples to my salad and some cinnamon. Anyways, this is what I snack on all day long and it's really good for my dry skin. It's alot smoother now. It's really amazing.

 

[Invariant]

I currently don't spread my mileage out. I run it all in one session. This Saturday's run will entail 10 straight miles w/only seconds of rest in between for drink breaks and shots of Gu. This Saturday I will run with my sports bottle strapped to my hand to mimic the big day on the 30th. Water stations on 1/2 marathon routes are always few and far between. LOL So I have to carry a drink w/me...otherwise I'll be hurting.

I don't currently wear my heart rate monitor but I'll put it on next time to see what my heart rate is. Being that you are younger than me I bet you run a much faster pace. I normally run slow and steady but focus on the mileage and working on my endurance. After I lose more weight I'm hoping that my pace will pick up. I figure the less weight on my bones and feet the faster I can run right?

I'm still very much an amatuer runner. I've only been at it for about 9 months now but boy...have I made great strides in these past 9 months. It's amazing how our body adapts when we put our mind to things.

I'm glad you are enjoying the benefits of runner's legs. I'm seeing some nice definition in my calves and hamstrings although partially covered but some fat. Can't wait to shed another 10lbs to see these babies.

Have a great day!!

Honestly, I couldn't run 10 miles in one session. How fast is it you run? I only go between 5.4 and 6.0. It's honestly not that fast, but it's definitely an improvement from the 3.5 I could go seven months ago.

You've been training for two months longer than I, and it's amazing what you're able to accomplish now. I'm excited to see where I am in two more months. I'm hoping to be up to 6.5 for at least three minutes straight. Realistically, I think it's possible.

You know what's great about this? There are so many things in life I can't control. Life itself is full of surprises and frustrations and to have control over something as powerful as my being healthy for the rest of my life is empowering. What I do and who I am now, define who I'll become and what I'll do in the future. It's a great feeling knowing that by making the choice to change my life at this age, I'll live longer and healthier. It's just a great feeling to have. I hope all of you have felt this way to!

 

[jw372]

Hey, Rach, what an amazing workout! I'm sure you feel wonderful after that!

As to the self-esteem--you know, you've done the best thing possible for your body by getting it in such wonderful shape. Your breasts are just breasts. They're no more important than hair or eyes or a shapely calf or an infectious laugh. If they're not your best point, so what? If everyone's best point was the same thing, we'd be a remarkably dull lot instead of the infinitely variable collection of beauties that we are.

Sophie

 

[Invariant]

Soph, you know what, you're amazing. What you've posted, I've never considered before and it occured to me that you're absolutely right. Big hugs to you honey, you've just boosted my self-esteem. Trust me, I'll go to bed rather happy tonight.

It's really my character I'd like people to be attracted to, and I'd like to humbly say I think I'm relatively attractive when it comes to my personality. You know, strangers may not remember your face, they may not remember your hair color or even your smile, but they will remember how you made them feel, if only for a moment. Unadulterated bliss make up the most vivid of memories, the ones that we capture and file away until euphoria is craved, then we pull them out and smile wide. These kind of moments, the ones that matter, are created by being the best person you can be to others. If I can grasp others with nothing but my personality, it'll leave a larger impression that my physical appearence, in my opinion. It's how people feel around you that matters, not what you look like. This has always been my belief and probably will be until my dying breath.

Wow, that just tilted the axis of points I'd intended to make tonight. I hate and love it when I ramble. It takes me five minutes to recall the actual subject I'd started to touch down on. LOL.

At eleven-forty five I started writing an update and my computer erased it. I hate it when stuff like this happens. I had a whole page written out, and than *poof* it Barbara Eden-ed it self away.

Now that my haze of frustration has worn away, I can vaguely recall what I'd written so I'll try and recreate it though nothing is as good as the original. (I don't care what anybody says, Diet Dr. Pepper is NOT as good as regular.) Shame I no longer find soda pop enjoyable or I'd probably indulge in my sister's favorite fizz every once and a while. I find anything with HFCS disgusting and no soda appeals to me anymore.

Of course, soda is neither here nor there in the point of Wednsday's update. After service tonight, I ran another milestone. 6.10 miles to be exact and 750 calories. I'm only 3.5 miles shy of my mini-mileage goal for this week, and I'm rather certain I'll be able to achieve it. I plan on running at least two more days, but I'll see how my body feels. Tomorrow my brother has city league b-ball and it lasts late into the night. I usually take the third day off anyway, but we'll see how I feel. For sure, I'll run on Saturday anyway, and will achieve my mini-goal then.

I'm am curious if I'm getting enough calories in my food plan to suffice my habit however. I mean, if I burn 700+ cals, five to four days a week that's roughly what? 2880 to 3600 calories in cardio alone. This doesn't account for my reps on my CorEvolution or the walking I get in in the daytime. Wow, I guess I never realized how many cals I *actually* burn in a week. It's difficult for me to eat more than 2,000 cals a day because I'm honestly never hungry enough. And if I burn 700+ that only leaves me with 1300 consummed, 1250 if I run like I did tonight.

You know what I just calculated? I burn off two LARGE Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough blizzards a week. If my maintanence level is 2,400 and I'm only eating 2,000 and burning off 700, I can realistically eat...3 LARGE blizzards in a week and stay in shape.

Wow, you guys...that's actually pretty amazing math. I mean, I have the 2,800 I don't eat from my maintence level, plus the 2,800-3,600 I burn off by running, so that's...5,760-6,400 cals. Scratch that, I can't eat 3, I can eat 4 and three quarters of a fifth one.

I can realistically eat 4 and 3/4 Large Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzards a week and maintain my weight. Even more amazing I can eat 8 small ones. That's more blizzards than days in the week. See what happens when you become a runner?
Although now, the proposition I made to Trevor a couple posts back doesn't seem so threatening. Haha. Don't tell him that, I plan on keeping my promise. LOL.

Wow, it's late and I need to rise with the sun. Just wanted to share with you guys. Much love to you all!

 

[lovelymachine]

I can realistically eat 4 and 3/4 Large Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzards a week and maintain my weight. Even more amazing I can eat 8 small ones.

Of course my focal point of your post would involve chocolate.

Now I'm usually pretty good in math but those numbers were baffling! I definitely am rethinking my lack of running. I know I'll start small, but eventually I will kick butt and be able to eat infinite amounts of chocolate because I'm killin so many calories on the treadmill just like you!

*randomly begins singing "We are the champions"*

 

[Invariant]

Lovely, you're so spunky! I couldn't help smiling big when I read your post. You're just like me in so many ways. I love breaking out into spontaneous song! My friends find it odd, but it's just how I am. Zippidee-do-dah, you know? lol.

If you're really considering running, for sure you'd want to start out small. I can tell you that last May, I couldn't go any faster than about 4.0-4.5 mph. And that was only for about twenty minutes incriments. It's taken me...wow, 10 months to get to this point. Although, I have to be honest, from July to November, I wasn't running, I walked instead. It was when basketball season started that I genuinely considered running for cardio. I would say it's taken me 5 months to get to the point where I can run 6 miles an hour. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes you less time. There were days where I just *wasn't* motivated.

Running really is great for you, honey. Exercise releases seretonin, so for me, running at night is an anti-depressant from the days frustrations. And when I wake up the next morning, I'm *so* much happier than if I didn't run. I'm usually cranky when I don't get in my cardio. LOL.

Hope you're having a good Thursday!

 

[lovelymachine]

Well my biggest obstacle is I have no treadmill, so I couldn't tell you how fast I will start with other than jogging for 1 min spurts or something. I have an eliptical but it's the only real piece of exercise equipment available to me at the moment.

I know I have to do something, I've let myself get upset about my lack of weight loss (which I now believe was due to me not eating enough. funny right? big girl not eating HA!) and have therefore slacked off on my workouts. I can tell it's effecting my mood, I just feel blah ya know? My mother and I are "making good choices" together, so I've already informed her that this afternoon we are sweating out patooties off! Hehe, I'm so happy to be motivated to exercise again! Thanks

 

[Omega]

You forgot to do the calculations of how many treats you could have if you increased your running to the 10 miles that you were envious of LovelyLadyHumps doing. You seemed to be hoping that you may be doing more in a couple of months time based on her progress. That could mean that you get a lot of treats this summer.

 

[Invariant]

You forgot to do the calculations of how many treats you could have if you increased your running to the 10 miles that you were envious of LovelyLadyHumps doing. You seemed to be hoping that you may be doing more in a couple of months time based on her progress. That could mean that you get a lot of treats this summer.

Oooh, I never thought about this. Marg you're absolutely right. I certainly could. Oh wow...yey...lol...

 

[photocrazed]

I am so glad you are back up and at the running again, girl. You do such a wonderful job with all of the running you do, and I just hope one day I'll be able to run like this.

BTW, I'm so totally jealous about the blizzards. Who knew you could have that many and still maintain. LOL.

Hope you are having a great day. BTW, are you home schooled?

 

[Invariant]

Thursday night I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to post. Overall, the day went pretty well. Given it was the day before my TOM, I decided I was going to treat myself. I figured, not only did I *want* the HUGE chocolate sundae, I *deserved* it. I work my butt off (literally) running every week and I was going to treat myself because of it. So last night I had a treat of chocolate goodness and bananas and peanut butter. All of which I seem to crave in mass quantities the days before my period. I won't do it again anytime soon, that I can gurantee you. I ate ALOT of cals last night. So many I didn't even calculate. The best part is there's no guilt on my end. I felt nothing but apathy after eating them. It's because for the past four days, I haven't treated myself to something so sugary and felt I needed to or I'd go insane. I had a fudgy bar earlier but its caloric intake was only 50 cals and wasn't nearly as good as the sundae I made for myself at home. So there it is you guys, my once a week dessert, and it was very, very good. I'm happy I ate it. Now I won't crave sweets for a few days.

In other news, I'm going to be severely busy today. I found out yesterday at 7 o' clock that my bro invited 5 boys over to spend the night. Now, keep in mind, my boys spend the night over every weekend, but there's only 2 or 3 of them, there are *2* more coming over today at 4. I about freaked out when I heard it. Not because I don't think it's awesome we can have our friends over, but because I now have to clean. *sigh* Thankfully I've a friend coming over to help me. She may even spend the night if she's able. I think my sister and I will go crazy if she doesn't. This home will be overloaded with testosterone, machismo and egos.

My brother's announcement last night did leave me with a rather grand opening for a quick witted retort. When my mother walked over, I happened to mention how we've never had so many guys over in one night and how I'll have to be sure to leave my window open. Let me tell you, she got the biggest kick out of it. Mainly because she knows I'm quite a bit more wholesome than that. Still, the joke was entertaining for about two minutes. I couldn't help pat myself on the back. lol.

I wasn't able to run last night and when I woke up, I realized I *honestly* am in a much better mood on the days when I run the night before. That isn't to say I'm not in a cheery mood today, but it is the second day of Spring and it's snowing and my leg muscle hurts. I whacked it yesteday on a booth in McDonald's and now it's rather tight. This is something I'm going to have to get used to however, if I'm going to be a runner for the rest of my life. Physically I'm going to get strains and I will be incompacitated for a few days, but as long as I'm intelligent about it and let it heal, I'll be just fine. It is dissapointing but the joys I get out of life dominate the dissapointments. That's always an important mindset.

Alright, it's time to go visit all of your lovely journals. Big hugs to you guys and Happy Good Friday!

 

[Invariant]

I am so glad you are back up and at the running again, girl. You do such a wonderful job with all of the running you do, and I just hope one day I'll be able to run like this.

BTW, I'm so totally jealous about the blizzards. Who knew you could have that many and still maintain. LOL.


Hope you are having a great day. BTW, are you home schooled?

Awws, well thank you Tash. You've certainly managed to make me feel quite...dapper right now. lol. Needless to say, I'm proud of myself too.

When I was at the b-ball game last night, I realized my boys get out of breath rather fast out there on the court and smiled realizing that's never a problem for me. I can hussle for all of the forty minutes I'm out there. I'm twice as fast as everyone else, but that's definitely NOT to say I'm twice as skilled. I can merely run. Earning and mainting a defensive postition, well, that's a different story. I still love the sport though and am quite greatful to get a chance to play on the team again next year.

This segways into answering your question which is yes. I am homeschooled. I have been since 5th grade and I love it. It's really a chance for me to learn of everything I'm interested in. The homeschooling requirements here in WI require only a certain number of school days during the year and that's all. My education isn't regulated by the state in any way, and I'm grateful. This has made me able to study subjects I'd have had to wait years to study. Advanced biology, for instance, is something I'm interested in and would have had to wait until college to understand the Krebs Cycle. Because of my unique schooling postion, I was able to study it in the fall. Currently I'm studying Basic Law and English Literature. Extremely diverse subjects, I know, but I cannot help my interests. I've no idea yet what career path I want to follow. My talent really lies in art but I'm not to thrilled about the complications of graphic design, and am leaning more towards becoming a nutritionist given my interest in the medical profession and health.

I do believe I'd mentioned in passing that I'm a portrait artist. I have been since I was 13. I'm quite fond of my talent and wish I had more time to sketch. There are just so many other obligations now that I'm older and have more responsibilities and mind boggling situations.

 

[LovelyLadyHumps]

You know what's great about this? There are so many things in life I can't control. Life itself is full of surprises and frustrations and to have control over something as powerful as my being healthy for the rest of my life is empowering. What I do and who I am now, define who I'll become and what I'll do in the future. It's a great feeling knowing that by making the choice to change my life at this age, I'll live longer and healthier. It's just a great feeling to have. I hope all of you have felt this way to!

AMEN SISTA!! Life is hard enough...why spend it being overweight, out of shape, and unhealthy. I'm glad we are making conscious choices to turn this ship around and take ownership of our happiness. And everyone knows that being in shape not only allows us to feel better, others treat us better to. I can tell you this...now that I am looking better I definitely have more guys holding doors for me and looking over at me in the morning commute! LOL

 

[lovelymachine]

YAY for homeschool!

I wasn't necessarily homeschooled, went to a private school that met 4 days a week 4 hours a day, but it was pretty close. Your "leaving the window open" comment made me laugh! How did the sleep over and friend staying thing go anyways? Considering I was always a "hefty" sister, usually when my brother had friends over I either stayed away or embarrassed myself in some way or another.

I wonder if most overweight people use humor as a crutch? I always did. I was never embarrassed to make fun of myself, or put myself up in a goofy way as the center of attention among my friends, but I really am a shy person so it doesn't make sense