My quiet journey to a glorious body

[Shinsplint]

Well, this is my new diary. I was sick of the old one because it sounded more like a book of inspirational sayings and this is really about me. My pains, triumphs and battles. So Dorky Sayings can rest in peace in the tranquil land of long unread posts until some unsuspecting victim stumbles across its path and foolishly disturbs its slumber...

So, to start, I've decided to move the last entry from that thread here:

Woke up this morning to a wonderfully cosy bed and a horribly loud phone alarm. I so wanted to go back to sleep and decided to leave off walking for today (yet again ). I was about to roll over and go back to sleep when I decided, totally against my nature, to just get up and go for a walk. Don't know how it happened. I ended up going for 90 minutes. I was feeling pretty good about myself until being effortlessly overtaken by two glowing senior citizens who I later couldn't catch up to.

But I soon after felt happy about this. What do I have to look forward to if not to one day be as fit and healthy and glowing as these women? A person could have worse role models for sure!

Food for today:

* cereal (oats, unsweetened bran sticks, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, ground wallnuts, linseeds, bran powder and chopped prune and banana with whole milk);
* steak, spuds, boiled wild plants;
* 1 tsp Nulax fruit laxative;
* small square 88% dark chocolate

Spent most of the day running around the city and didn't have any food with me so was ravenous when I got home. The steak really hit the spot except for the fact I'd forgotten to salt it. I've never had such an untasty meal! Probably did me good though with all the salt I eat.


Clothesline:
I am chucking away yet another pair of undies that are now too big and grannylike for me. It is happening! I am shrinking!! III-E-AAA!!

My nighties are also starting to look like tents flapping about, but I'm not ready to throw those out yet; nobody sees me in them anyway. Unfortunately. Hmmm...

Sooooo... even more reason to crank up the walkies these next few days - and maybe hook us some hunk attention! And don't forget that push-up bra!

(Note to self: try real hard to get a life this year, so you don't end up singing old Madonna songs to yourself at 1am while making hot cocoa...)

 

[Shinsplint]

Cranking up the power

Food for Wednesday:

*cereal (oats, bran etc as usual);
*green apple;
*2 ham, cheese and tomato brevilles with sourdough rye bread;
*small piece of dark choc
No cardio

Thursday:

*cereal;
*green apple, small dry rusk biscuit, 5 almonds;
*baked Snapper in herbs and garlic with boiled wild plants in olive oil;
*half a mandarine;
*small piece of dark choc
90 minutes walking

Today:

*cereal;
*2 ham, cheese and tomato brevilles on darker rye sourdough bread;
*1.5 tsp fruit laxative (low carb is killing my guts, urgh! );
*wild berry fruit smoothie with yoghurt and honey;
*mandarine
*most likely some dark chocolate (70% bitter liquor)

The weight situation is going well. I'm finally starting to notice a change in the shape of my gut. Today at work a colleague told me, "You've lost a heap of weight." I was stoked! When lying down to have a nap I noticed my stomach no longer sticks up in a convex shape but is now dipping inward. I'm starting to imagine what it will be like to be slim again like I used to be. The pleasure of accidentally catching my reflection in the mirror somewhere; the whole clothes situation; a long-lost uncle seeing me and exclaiming, "Where's the rest of yeh?" The possibilities are endless!!!

For now things are going really well, praise the Lord. I haven't ever been this good with my diet and exercise. I hope I can keep it up!

 

[Shinsplint]

More clouds cover the Melbourne sky today and it is again anybody's guess whether they will actually piss down on us or not. I say not, but then again I am the world's most pessimistic wretch of a cynical b****.

Yesterday's food:

*4 slices of dark rye toasted bread spread with Nuttelex dairy-free GM-free taste-free vegetable marg and 2 tsp sugarless blueberry jam with the berries flicked off;
*cauliflower and potato casserole, 2 sm. slices sourdough rye bread;
*4 unsweetened rusk biscuits, 2 Easter biscuits, 1 honey and wallnut biscuit (all home-made and low in cals), cup of unsweetened full-fat cocoa;
*50g (or a few good-sized pieces) of Callebaut organic fair trade dark chocolate (70%).
Walked 60 minutes in the morning (in freezing bloody weather).

Today:

*(so far...) 1 large Granny Smith apple.

Got up, showered and realised it was after midday. I love Sundays! Couldn't resist the temptation to weigh myself, even though tomorrow is weigh-in day. Scale read half a kilo over what I was last weigh-in day. So measured waist: 92cm; 2cm more than last measuring day.

I was really disappointed but then remembered all the carbs I had last night and the bloating I was feeling in the morning (noon). Also, last week was the first week of me actually walking every second day for 90 minutes; the weeks before that I had only been walking 2-3 times a week for an hour at most. So I'm still feeling good about the situation, especially considering the mirror is continuing to show me getting slimmer. So for now I'm going to chill out and keep being happy.

A funny thing which I hope continues is I haven't had the real bad cravings for junk food that I used to have last time I tried to lose weight. Some possible explanations: 1. I'm more focused on my job (unlikely, as it's still as boring as ever); 2: Hitting 30 and realising Spring Chickendom has flown out the window is crystallising my resolve to get out of the fugly jumpsuit; or 3: I'm finally getting my shit together like a real grown-up. I'm inclined to think it's 2 and 3 together. But who cares, I'm losing WEIGHT! hee-hee! hoo-hoo! ha-ha!

Oh man, I'm glad this is an anonymous medium...


It's raining!





(a few minutes later...)






Just as I thought...




Sun's back out!





tsk!

 

[Shinsplint]

Nothing much to report about the long weekend. Been eating like a real pig iggy: and gained a kilo. Lots of dark choc and biscuits. Tut tut!!! No walking for 2 days. Slept in big-time. Rain. Bed. And that means losing inches off my goals. Gotten hooked on this stupid TV series on Youtube that I haven't seen for ages, called Amor Gitano (Gypsy Love - you've gotta love the title). Oh but the Mexicans do know their shit!

Food for today:

2 ham, cheese and tomato brevilles (usual bread);
lotsa dark choc (100g? I wasn't measuring or counting);
full cream milk cocoa (with the dark choc) and 4 dry biscuits;
small piece of meat and veg lasagne;
small green apple.

Anything else? Oh yeah, a mandarine I think. No exercise, unless you count a good hour and a half of bellyaching, pant-pissing laughing to Billy Connolly DVD. I actually think that does count for something. But I am also trying to feel better about my fat-ass, lazy old self. *burp!*

Oh man, I need to get serious. Okay, let's do this! The weekend's over. Time for some thigh friction and bada boomin' that boomba down the early morning streets!!!


[Please add 2 pounds to current weight in your mind... I just can't be bothered going into profile at mo!]

 

[Shinsplint]

New revelation: Even dark chocolate eaten in moderation could be out from now on. Friday was starting to lose weight rapidly, went out and bought a block, then weight loss stopped! Only really different thing I've been doing is consuming large amounts of bitter choc. So going to cut down for the next week and see what happens...

Feeling a bit more relieved actually now I've put my finger on it. Went walking today too for an hour, so feeling a lot better about things...

Attitude is everything. Attitude leads to ideas, which lead to efforts, which eventually lead to results. Attitude is everything!

 

[LadyEuphoria]

Hi!
I love the way your journal reads!!
What is they Honey & Walnut Biscuit? It sounds sooo good Actually most of your foods sound delicious!
Good on you for cutting out the chocolate for a little while. The quote on your last post is a good one!
Keep up the good work!

I did a search for belly dancing in your area and here's what I came up with. Belly Dancing is FUN! You really should give it a try! You would enjoy it!

belly dance in melbourne - Google Maps

 

[Shinsplint]

Hey KattWoman Thanks for that! Amazing how many bdancing places there are around me and I was totally ignorant of it. I think it would be a great goal for weight loss (ie when I lose the belly stretch marks I'll go and learn!).

I'll see if I can find the recipe for the honey wallnut bickie. My mum makes them and though they're quite simple she's got the recipe somewhere so I'll try and find it.

Thanks for dropping by!

 

[Kori]

Hey Shinsplint!

how's it going? I love your journal, funny hehehe Hope the dreaded Choc monster hasn't made you lose motivation! Get back too it ToootsSweet Darl!

 

[Shinsplint]

A quick rundown on the weekend:

Thursday and Friday passed in a blur. I went walking about 3 times last week. Saturday morning I got up and went for a one hour walk. Went to work for half a day, then came home, ate 4 slices of toast and went to a 40th. But despite eating well before I left I was still hungry enough to try some of the roasting meat (big mistake! ). The roast had been slathered in chilli pepper stuff and it had me in twisting, burning, excruciating gut pains for the rest of the night. I vaguely remember dancing for the part of the night, talking to someone above roaring music till my throat gave up, and collapsing on my bed with a cup of cocoa hunched over. Found myself in the foetal position at 3am and nearly freaked out when I saw a giant toothy face glaring at me, freeze-framed on the TV. I'd put it on pause for some unknown reason before falling asleep.

Sunday: Got up late and went for a 25 min walk to shops for milk, came home, spent day nursing sore legs from hard night of dancing the night before. About 7pm I got the strongest craving for junk food. I went on a hunt and 2 leftover Easter eggs, 3 small chockies and 2 pieces of marble cake later sat back stunned at myself. Then I remembered the night before I'd eaten a piece of birthday cake which had been sickly sweet (threw half the piece away so sickly ). I forgave myself and got on with it. But geez, you never realise how bad junk food makes you feel until you start eating it again. The energy levels, the mental clarity, the emotional stability, it all f***s up totally on the first flood of sugar!! I'm so glad I'm discovering this stuff now for the first time properly and that I feel I have the control to actually stop eating the crap, because it really doesn't taste that good to me anymore. I used to eat it all automatically until I felt sick but now I've developed manners. I'll ask my body and get the response, "Well, actually NO I DON'T want more fucking cake, I lost the high two bites ago!!!" iggy:

So this morning I got up at midday after knocking my liver out with toxins ("thank you very much Miss Piggy thank you!") and managed to get out for a walk with the oldies, who are now trying to lose their excess weight. It was the easiest walk in a long time! I hadn't realised how fit I'd gotten. Sounds sad but I used to run to catch up with them! Poooooh!!!

All the bikers except one that we saw on the path were senior citizens. This is what I love most about Australia; the emphasis on activity is accepted all through life, at all ages. You see a 76 year old woman out power walking and everyone's, "Good on her!" Go to a *certain* other country and she'll be gossiped about: "Where are her grandkids? Shouldn't she be home cooking for them and getting fat while her daughter is out working or shagging the guy next door?" (Now I won't mention this *other* country because I've ranted about it enough. Yet I'm not done yet so I still need to vent occasionally).

May the best weight loss of our past be the worst weight loss of our future!

 

[Shinsplint]

Hey Shinsplint!

how's it going? I love your journal, funny hehehe Hope the dreaded Choc monster hasn't made you lose motivation! Get back too it ToootsSweet Darl!

lol thanks Kori! You said it; choc must know its place (and frigin STAY there!). If worst comes to worst I'll have to try and find something else that's dark, smooth and sweet, and makes me feel like I'm in love, to replace it with. Any ideas?

 

[Kori]

Well... I could think of something.... Dark, Delicious, Not only makes you feel in LOVE... but sexy as HELL - absolutely no calories... in fact is said to help you in lots of different ways.....




.






.






.





.



....Opening a bag of fresh ground (really really good quality) coffee beans and taking a huge sniffffffffffffffff... and holding it until I almost pass out with the sheer heady joy of it.... usually works for me

 

[Shinsplint]

....Opening a bag of fresh ground (really really good quality) coffee beans and taking a huge sniffffffffffffffff... and holding it until I almost pass out with the sheer heady joy of it.... usually works for me

Oh no, have MERCY!!!

(*as I run to get a mat in place*)

 

[Shinsplint]

Okay, a quick update, it has been a really crappy week. Everything seems to be going wrong, stuffing up, sticking out... you get the idea.

First, I've been eating sugary chocolate (yes, the BAD kind) for the last few days, without restraint. And damn it happens fast! It's like, blink and you'll miss it! Why is that??? Why do we PLAN and EAT healthy meals and just INHALE unhealthy ones?

And then my internet connection has slowed down to less than snail's pace, thanks to me downloading 17 one hour episodes of a TV series and using up my GB limit. So being online has been a pain this week. To make it all worse, I'm now unemployed and on-call; so my life is unsettled and that's always bad for weight loss for me.

After discovering (and inhaling) a couple of leftover chocolate Easter eggs in the back of a kitchen cupboard, along with a bowl of dry bickies and honey cocoa, I'm feeling bloated.

Finally, to add to all this, my period's going ballistic. I've had weird aches, comings and goings of that annoying Aunt Flo who just seems to be popping in and out at will intermittently, like an actual annoying aunt who can't mind her own business (you know, "Helllooooooo! Just popping by to see if you want some fresh [insert here name of any herb, flower or food that is not prime priority in any typical 21st century household, e.g. lavender]... Oh it's a beautiful day and your clothesline is empty dear, how interesting...").

Sorry if I'm embarrassing anyone but since this diary is about my health progress, and my cycles and hormones are a big part of my weight loss, I thought I'd try to note any strange things relating to that. I'm hoping to see any patterns emerging.

Now. I'm all out of chocolates and I've decided to make a new start tomorrow. I'm so glad I came here tonight; reading people's entries is really inspiring me to get back on track! Just before I log on I always feel like, what's the point? And afterwards, I always feel a million times better!

Yay for the online weight loss community! We are winners!

 

[Trusylver]

Hang in there, you CAN do it.

 

[Kori]

argh! Chocolate and Aunt Flo go hand in frikken hand unfortunately! I don't keep chocolate in the house any more.. just can't have it around! Mind you my son usually disposes of it pretty quickly even if I DO buy some, so it's sort of a built in safety net having a teenage kid around!

Sorry to hear about your woes, but hey you can use all this bonus unemployment time to focus on getting healthy and losing the weight.... right??? *ducks* OK OK I know (seriously I do) But you have to stay positive and up or else slide off into the blackness, and it sucks in there.. I know I've been there, you wouldn't like it.

So take a day.. wallow (avoiding chocolate though) and then get back into working towards the better life you wanted

*sending a basket of flowers and aromatherapy essential oils.. Ooo is that lavendar!!!*

 

[elyk]

I just joined this evening and foun do your thread very enjoyable to read. You have a great sense of humour and I laughed on almost every post. Best of luck to you!

 

[Shinsplint]

Thank you Trusylver, Kori and Elyk

I realise when I started that last post I felt a lot more negative than when I finished it. You're right; no point in getting down about things; it's the same all over the world...

Well, today was a step in the right direction, I think. I got up early and went for a walk, then applied for some jobs over the internet. I feel much better about the whole situation. I just need more perseverance, to stick it out!

Weight is still hovering at what it was before 88kg.

Food today:
*2 brevilles with ham, cheese and tomato on cape seed bread (low GI);
*mandarine;
*small half-sized apple;
*bowl of lentil soup;
*tiny square of 88% dark choc (the kind that doesn't get me addicted!).
*a few sips full cream milk.

Walk went for over 70 mins today and I felt a lot lighter going up those hills. I was so glad I could even get up at all today since I couldn't sleep last night from anxiety. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I hit the sack, a lot of anxious thoughts come to plague me at that moment (never when I can actually do something about them, because you see anxious thoughts are action-phobic). I couldn't stop thinking about all the great things I could do if I lost weight. I would have so much more confidence and feel like a totally different person. This never occurred to me before, because I've been overweight for so long.

Well, here's to the fantasy becoming real - one day! A dream I wish for anyone who wishes it to become a reality in their lives, as much as I wish to one day be able to type comprehensible sentences.

 

[Shinsplint]

Frustration...

Something strange is happening: I seem to be losing a lot of weight off my lower abdomen and thighs/butt, yet on the upper ab/back area, I'm as chunky as ever. I wonder if this is just my imagination. But I feel like my stomach area is just bloated all the time. Is it from carbohydrates...?

I admit I am eating a lot of bread, though of the low GI variety. Last night I had 4 slices of toast after all the food I listed. Today ate much less:

Breakfast
*3 tbsp cereal with a tbsp bran and a chopped prune, full-cream milk
Snack
*small apple (applette )
Lunch
*baked whole Snapper (minus head) with herbs & garlic in olive oil;
*2 small potatoes.
Evening
*full cream cocoa;
*2 dry bickies.

Had a weak stomach, especially with spicy, oily foods. Thinking sugary food causes it. Not really sure about anything but hoping in a couple of weeks, with a sugarfree diet, I'll see some positive results all around.

Fingers crossed!

 

[Shinsplint]

Fuming



I'm so pissed off. I made dinner for me and Dad, we ate, brother didn't want any, so I cleaned up and made the kitchen spotless.... Then I just stepped into the kitchen before and every single fukn dish and bowl was dirty in the sink.... bro had cooked for himself and left the washing up. GRRRRRRR!!!!!

I think I'm most upset because I made sure to clean everything up perfectly and leave the place shining, for Mum when she came home..... and now I'm thinking I shouldn't have bothered!

Okay. End of rant.

Today I followed a slightly better diet than usual (so far):

*2 slices of toast with organic marge and 1tsp of sugarfree raspberry jam;
*medium well-done steak, potatoes and tomato & cucumber salad;
*1 tsp fruit laxative;
*mandarine;
*tiny square bitter choc (ugh - hated it tonight for some reason).
(will probably have some milk with cocoa later)

Exercise, just an 80 minute walk. It was 5deg outside and my face froze up... it's a funny sensation when you can't feel your lower lip.

I feel a little calmer now. Sorry about the rant dear diary & any readers... this would be a time where in the past I compromised my diet.... Ahhh, what would life be without tests.....

I need to grow some balls. Sugar, you are terminated.

 

[Shinsplint]

Also half an hour of dance...