My Journey: Positive Outlook For 2013

So anyway, this isn't how I wanted to start my day, but here I am. As you can see... I'm stressing out. I didn't even bother weighing in this morning because quite frankly I just don't care today.

Take it out in Taebo, not food!


(I'm sorry to that other things are going poorly, but remember, some things are just waaay outside your control... try not to stress.)
 
Thanks Don. I tried my best, but still gave into some junk food. Not as bad as it was, but still more than I should have. I did keep up with taebo though so I'm hoping it'll be more or less a wash. I haven't gained anything significant as of this morning, but I'm sure I did myself no favors by my food choices either.

This week was a week of stress all the way around. Not only did I have the memorial for my aunt on my mind, but I've also been cramming at work to get everything done because I'm on vacation next week. With all that has been going on I re-realized this week what I had already known. I'm a HORRIBLE stress eater. I really need to get control of that somehow.

The good news is that when I'm on vacation I tend to eat very well since I don't have candy in my face all week long (we have multiple candy dishes at work as well as the vending machines). Also if I'm on the boat I don't eat much either so I'm hoping my vacation week will really help to get me back on track. It'll be a good time to reassess where I am, where I want to be, and figure out how to get there so I'm looking forward to it.

The memorial will have also already passed so I won't have that weighing on my mind either. I'm getting really nervous about it. I made mention shortly after my aunt passed that I really wanted to call my uncle (my aunt's ex husband) and his nephew, but I still haven't done it. I'm hoping that they'll show up tomorrow at the service, but I don't know if they will or not. They were invited so we'll have to see. I'd really love to see them again, but I'm very nervous as it's been many years since I've seen or spoken to them.

On another good note, the forecast for tomorrow has improved quite a bit. The rain is supposed to be heavy overnight tonight, but by mid-late morning tomorrow it should be out of here. By the time the service is we should have some sun and calmer seas. I was hoping to get two whale watches in before the services, but it's looking more and more likely that the morning trip will be canceled. There's a chance the afternoon trip will go, but even if it doesn't I'm glad that the service should go on as planned. My mother and I will be staying in town overnight Saturday because we're going on an all day whale watch trip from 8am - 4pm with some friends on Sunday. Having that to look forward to is a big help.

So anyway, sorry for rambling. I haven't had time to post much this week aside from my little rant earlier so I wanted to give an update. I hope you all have a great weekend.
 
My aunt’s service Saturday went off beautifully. The rain had cleared out with plenty of time to spare. It was overcast and windy, but warm. The sea conditions were decent too although we had quite a swell. It made for a nice ride out to sea. Looking back, my aunt always said she loved being out on the ocean on rougher days so it was fitting.

An odd thing happened during the service. On the way out to sea a Sooty Shearwater kept flying out in front of us swooping down to the water and back up again with the wind current. When the captain stopped the boat so we could spread the ashes and flowers, the Shearwater landed no more than 20’ feet from it and just sat there drifting along with us. In all of my years of whale watching (this is the 13th year) I’d NEVER seen a Sooty Shearwater so close to shore nor had I ever seen one behaving in this manner. Those of us on the boat who were familiar with this bird were all in awe over what was happening. We all took it as a sign that my aunt was clearly with us. It was very surreal to say the least.

After we got back to the harbor we were treated to the pinkest sunset I’d ever seen. We also saw some Canada Geese in the harbor and a Night Crown Heron (neither of which we had ever seen in the harbor) along with some ducks and a seal. Overall, it was really a beautiful night.

On Sunday we headed out bright and early for our all day whale watch and what a trip it was! It was me and my mother along with 7 other friends. We were treated to an estimated 50-60 Humpback Whales feeding at the surface. It was quite the sight and a great way to continue celebrating my aunt’s life. We all wished she was there with us physically, but we knew she was there spiritually.

Now as for my weight. I’m sure most of you can relate that when you’re with friends eating pretty much goes out the window. I had absolutely no problem letting go and just enjoyed myself. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and I have no regrets. I wasn’t able to weigh myself until this morning and the scale showed 207.8lb, BUT I think that has more to do with the abnormally large dinner I ate last night. We’ll see how tomorrow goes. I did do some Taebo today and got into a good wrestling match with my dogs so I burned off some calories which is good. ?

I’m attaching some photos so you can see. The first few are from the night of my aunt’s service. One of my friends from the boat took a few pictures for us at the end. The bird is a Sooty Shearwater for those who have never seen one before. This isn’t the same one who drifted with us, I just wanted to share so you could see what one looked like. Of course the last is a feeding Humpback Whale from Sunday’s trip.

Hope you’re all well!
 
Hey guys... been MIA for a while, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things. My vacation didn't go as well as planned last week in terms of diet and exercise. On the diet front, let's just say lots of chips, ice cream, and a little bit of soda was consumed and little exercise was accomplished. I even stopped weighing myself because I didn't want to see the damage. Getting back on track today though, this morning's weigh in was 210.2lb. That weight could totally be due to my lack of exercise and food intake, but I also just ended my TOM so I'm hoping at least some is water weight. While it was nice having the week off from work it was an interesting week, but kind of depressing at the same time.

The reason I say it was depressing is not because of my aunt's service. That was actually quite beautiful. Being surrounded by friends and family on our favorite boat on our beloved ocean with such beautiful weather, it was just a really beautiful night. We honored her memory and celebrated her life and I know she'd be very pleased with everything. The reason I say it was kind of depressing is because I've been bitten by the love bug. :( I realized last week that I've developed feelings for a friend who is not available (he's married). I don't know how, when, or why it happened, but all of a sudden I just started seeing him in a different light. One day we were nothing but friends, then the next day it's like I had a "wow" moment and he's been on my mind a lot ever since. I'm trying to figure out how to distance myself from him to hopefully squash these feelings. It's hard because you can't help who you fall for, but at the same time I know that it's inappropriate to have feelings for a married man so I'm not going to act on it. Truth is I'm too shy to act on it anyway so no worries there. I was very hesitant in sharing this, but what the heck. I've already shared so much with all of you I might as well share this piece too!

Man, I wish I was a kid again when my biggest worry was finishing homework or where I was going to sit on the school bus. This whole adult thing is not my idea of fun. :( At one point a lot of you kept saying my positive attitude was inspiring, but it seems like now all I'm doing is whinning all the time so I apologize for that. I just need to vent and I feel safer doing it here.

So anyway, today's the first day of getting back on track once again. I've had a great day for food and water intake so far and I'm definitely doing taebo and/or walking tonight mattering on the weather later. I feel like I keep sabotaging myself and I hate it. I need to regain control of my life somehow. I apologize again for being so negative lately. :(
 
We all go through rough patches Mandy. I'm glad you are back on track and I'm happy your aunt's service went well. Very pretty pictures as always. You feel what you feel. Doing what you know is right will end up being a positive even if it seems depressing now. I'm pulling myself back together at the moment too. How about we both workout and check in on the diaries with each other tonight? I would like the extra accountability. Either way, stick around and take care.
 
Feel free to vent as much as you want. If the choice is sitting around depressed, wanting to eat and do nothing else, or coming on here and getting it out of your system...

...feel free to come on here and vent to your heart's content. You can even insult me and call me names if that will help. :)

As for the crush, unfortunately it happens and it is a major pain. My crushes usually have bouncers guarding them while they dance, so in your case it could always be worse. :reddevil:
 
Quercus - I really do want to pull myself back together again and am really going to try to get back on track. When I was at my peak of eating well and exercising I felt the best I've felt in years. It's amazing how quickly a set back can literally blow up in your face. I'm hoping to check in with everyone's diaries tonight. I'm way out of touch now on how everyone's doing. I have a lot of reading to do!

MrVee - Thanks, that's helpful. That's why I enjoy posting here so much. The feedback and support is wonderful no matter what the issue is. I won't be calling you, or anyone else for that matter, names. That's not me (I know you meant that in a joking way). Yeah, I can see how my little crush could be a lot worst. I just worry now that I'll lose him as a friend too. Too many losses for me lately. I don't want to lose another one. :(

My day has been very good today. The worst thing I've had all day is a handful of animal crackers which are low calorie and low fat so it's a far jump from the potato chips and ice cream that I have been eating so I consider it a success. I don't know what I'm doing for dinner tonight, BUT I do know that there's not a potato chip, cookie, snack cake, piece of candy, soda, etc in the house! Nothing to tempt me which is crucial right now so I can get back to where I need to be. I get out of work in a little bit and after I say high to my dogs I'll be getting some exercise in. Looking forward to it.
 
A couple of things may mess things up a little Mandy, but you still have a foot on the ground I see and that is crucial!!
Enjoy a endorfine kick later, and you are doing great with your food!
 
I hope those little victories keep coming. I got some time on the spin bike tonight. I hope you got some exercise in too as it will make you feel better, but if not you'll get some tomorrow. Don't be too hard on yourself. Playing with the puppies always makes me feel better too.

Stick around. Take it easy. Enjoy your evening.
 
I did get some Taebo in last night, but didn't get through the whole video. I did the Insane Abs DVD and about half way through the cardio stuff my stomach started cramping up pretty badly. I felt kind of bloated all day yesterday, but I fought through it and got through the cardio side, but didn't do the floor exercises. I still ended up burning 518 calories according to my HRM watch so I was happy with that. The cramping stayed with me all night, but it's gone now so hopefully it'll stay gone so I can get the full DVD in tonight. My weigh in this morning was pretty good. Apparently it was partly water weight because it was 208.2lb this morning. Considering what I ate last week, that's not bad at all!
 
Thanks guys! I'm getting there slowly. I ate well yesterday and got some exercise in last night. I didn't wear my HRM watch because I wanted to focus more on the actual process of teabo and making sure I had the right positions. I know I did better than the day before considering I was fighting through some cramping so I'm sure I burned more calories. I also made it through the floor exercises. I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger doing the floor exercises too. At first it killed me and I could barely do any of it. Now, I'm probably at about 50-55%. Pretty promising to me.

Today the game plan is more eating right and hopefully some exercise later on. I'll be doing my grocery shopping tonight and then I have some boring house stuff to get to so time is going to be tight. I've been toying with the idea of getting up at 5am instead of 5:30am to get my workouts in first thing in the morning. It'll be tough getting up that early, but at the same time I really like how I feel when I get my workouts in early on.

PS. I'm trying to get caught up on everyone's diaries. If I haven't checked yours out, I'll be doing so in the near future! :)
 
Wise choice to make sure you're doing it right: quality over quantity when it comes to exercising.

Early morning workouts are great!
 
Yeah, I think I'll go watchless more often now. I have a good feel for how many calories I'm burning through the workouts now so as long as I push myself I know it'll be up there.

~~

Didn't make it to work out last night, but I did get a lot of housework in so I did burn *some* calories. I had a very late dinner (almost 9pm) so I wasn't looking forward to my weigh in this morning, but to my surprise I weighed in at 207.2lb. That's 3lb less than my weigh in on Tuesday so I'm very happy about that. I know it's most likely not "weight" that I've lost as opposed to a combination of weight and water weight. Still, I'm happy.

Tonight is going to be a challenge for me. I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure, but at some point I need to learn to fight my urges so tonight I'm going to give it my all to do that. As you know I go whale watching on the weekends. I decided that I wanted to make some cookies for the crew on the boat tomorrow. I'll be making a batch of which chocolate macadamia nut cookies as a little surprise treat. I love baking and wanted to do something nice for them. My goal is to only have 1 or 2 cookies and give the rest of them away. We'll see if I can do it! Correction... I KNOW I can do this! :)

I hope you all have a great Friday and a great weekend!
 
You can do it Mandy! Just imagine how fleeting the pleasure is from eating those cookies and how good you will feel everyday when your at a fit and healthy bodyweight! Good luck girl
 
Oh those darn cookies!! LOL I did pretty well with them considering. I did have 4 of them, BUT I made sure they were the smallest 4 I made. They were probably about ½ to ¾ the size of the others. Kind of tricked myself I guess. And, they were a big hit on the boat. Not only that, but I got to see my favorite whale so all was good! We were joking around that it was all luck brought on by the cookies. ?

I did very well with food intake all weekend, but did give in to have some Domino’s pizza last night. It was a hectic night and it was easier to just grab that than to try to find something to cook. I’m about to have dinner now which is lemon pepper chicken from the grill along with some butter noodles. Probably not the healthiest of dinners, but it sounded good.

Tomorrow starts a new week and with that I’m going to really push myself. This week I’m really going to challenge myself to exercise EVERY day and eat healthy EVERY day! Even on my good days most of the time I have at least one little cheat. Whether it’s a handful of chips or a bite sized chocolate bar, there always seems to be something. I need to stop doing that to get the “most bang for my buck”.
 
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