Michelle's Diary

Brother. Some days I'm super hopeful and others...not. UGH. I can't get through one whole day being smart anymore. I'm so frustrated. If I can get my butt back on the ellip today...sometime...I'll be proud of myself. That's my goal today...

I've got to break this down somehow. I'm so overwhelmed with all the time it's going to take to get to feeling good about myself again. I put my daughter on the big yellow bus this morning and as it drove away...I saw my reflection. UGH. Who is that monster???
 
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Twenty minutes on the ellip. Congrats to me. I could have done more, but don't want to burn out. I'm easing back into this again and I really don't want to fail. I always push myself to destruction...And it never works. I ordered Bob Harper's new book today. I need a mental adjustment. I'm hoping it'll help me heal all these gaping holes in my self confidence and get me on the right track again. Wish I could talk to him personally. Oh well. The book will have to do. I did learn from him on Jillian's radio show today that it's important to drink 20oz of water in the morning to rehydrate. I've heard just about every tip there is out there, but that was a new one. And he also said to eat in the first 30 minutes after getting up. Seems like logical advice...

Now, if I can get through tonight without doing anything stupid, I'll be proud of myself. I did weight myself today and I thought I was at 214, but I'm at 211.6 so that was some good news today...
 
Weighed in this morning at 210.0. That's nice. Not sure what my true reading is, but I'll be happy with 210. Ten more pounds and I hit my 20lbs lost mark. That's been difficult for me to attain, but I'm halfway there...Then I'll be in ONEderland as they say and not looking at that big fat "2" in front of my number anymore. Boy, that'd be really swell. I'll focus on the next twenty then and celebrate when I get to 180...then 160. If I can get to 160 I'll be looking pretty darn good and I'll have to fine tune me after that. One sixty would be pretty nice though.....I digress. I still have ten to go, then another board game for me...
 
Got the book today. It's really good. I was a bit skeptical, but it's making me look at myself and be honest about my attitude and destructive behavior. I'm learning a lot about myself and why I do the things I do. I'm a stay-at-home-mom with a part time job that I do on my computer, so I find it easy to let myself go because I never have to leave the house! And I'm always around food. I'm learning about my relationship with the stuff too and why I eat like I do. I'm learning a lot. Now if I can come through with this new attitude adjustment and get control of my life, I know I will find that confident, thin, strong and happy woman I know I can be...

My daughter's been sick and home from school for three days so I've been off my schedule, but tomorrow I start anew. I've written out a schedule I'm going to follow now and actually have structure in my life. No more just flipping around trying to get stuff done with no direction. It's not working for me...

Wish I could run like Brian, but I'm going to fit in some 30 min. brisk walks at lunchtime a couple times a week. The colors are starting to turn and I think it will be good me-time...

Talk soon!
M~

ps. yesterday I got on the scale and it read 217! Yikes. I weighed myself about five times and it said the same thing. The other day when it said 210 I also did it five times and it read the same every time. I don't get it. But I'm not going to let a number scare me. It is what it is and I'm still going to move forward...
 
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216.4

Well, looks like that nasty 217 yesterday was my real weight. Ish. I read through the "mental" parts of Bob's book yesterday and today I'm going to move on to his eating and exercising section. I have a set of weights and an exercise ball, so I should be set for the workouts. I think the Firm dvd's are awesome, but they are difficult to do so I don't pull them out often like I should. I'm going to just do the circuit training with weights/cardio from Bob's book and see how that goes. Its the same system he uses with the biggest loser blue teams, so we'll see how it works for me...

I'm eating leftovers for breakfast this morning. The AHA recipe for chicken enchiladas. And some tea. I wrote up a schedule yesterday for me and I needed to start work at 6.30 this morning, but got up a tad late and then had to e-mail all the appropriate staff at my daughters school so I got started late today...Anyhoo. Around ten I get a snack, then lunch at noon-thirty...One minute at a time these days...I am depressed about my weight going up so much, so we'll see what we can do about it...
 
littlekeylime said:
216.4

Well, looks like that nasty 217 yesterday was my real weight. Ish. I read through the "mental" parts of Bob's book yesterday and today I'm going to move on to his eating and exercising section. I have a set of weights and an exercise ball, so I should be set for the workouts. I think the Firm dvd's are awesome, but they are difficult to do so I don't pull them out often like I should. I'm going to just do the circuit training with weights/cardio from Bob's book and see how that goes. Its the same system he uses with the biggest loser blue teams, so we'll see how it works for me...

I'm eating leftovers for breakfast this morning. The AHA recipe for chicken enchiladas. And some tea. I wrote up a schedule yesterday for me and I needed to start work at 6.30 this morning, but got up a tad late and then had to e-mail all the appropriate staff at my daughters school so I got started late today...Anyhoo. Around ten I get a snack, then lunch at noon-thirty...One minute at a time these days...I am depressed about my weight going up so much, so we'll see what we can do about it...
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Michelle! it is great to have you back and posting! Missed you kiddo. :D

What happened to the positive littlekeylime that was posting this summer? Most of this is mental- you need a positive attitude to make it work again. Are you writing down what you are eating? I just began doing that again since I got cocky and started to slowly gain some back and it is working well for me so far. It worked before and will work again.
I cannot see how you gained 7 lbs in 6 days either but it is what it is. Keep making the changes you are making in lifestyle and write calories down- you can do this Michelle!
:D
 
Thanks B. And thanks for checking in on me. I know this diary is for myself, but it's really nice when someone chimes in with some "chin-ups". I'm realizing how mental this thing really is. And I'm realizing all the mental hangups I've got to get behind me if I'm going to love myself and start treating my body like I love myself. Accept yourself the way you are and don't set unrealistic goals for yourself. Keep moving forward and let the past go. I'm working on it...

Good for you for jotting down your journal again. I'm a firm believer in it. Bob Harper says to write down your current feelings when you eat something too, to do a little study on if you're doing the emotional eating thing. Which I do.

I have NO idea why my scale is torturing me so. And I have no idea what I really weigh, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing...

Back in the saddle again!:jump:
 
Are you writing your food down though?
I honestly have found that writing it all down is really the only accurate way to keep track of everything.
If the scale isnt being kind to you then the only real reason is your nutrition is out of whack.


Real good to have you back.:D
 
I think my scale is FUBAR. It's just not working. I am writing down my calorie intake, thanks for asking. It is the only way to do it. I've been a bad girl though and sometimes have days with only 700 calories. So I'm going to bump that up to 1200 and exercise more. I just hate to exercise at the moment. I'm hoping that will change. I am going to go for a walk today after lunch though and that should be good. I'll make it a brisk one. Then home to ellip...

breakfast of one cup of last nights American Heart Assoc. recipe creamy chicken and a large glass of oj. Got to get back to work...ish.
 
littlekeylime said:
I think my scale is FUBAR. It's just not working. I am writing down my calorie intake, thanks for asking. It is the only way to do it. I've been a bad girl though and sometimes have days with only 700 calories. So I'm going to bump that up to 1200 and exercise more. I just hate to exercise at the moment. I'm hoping that will change. I am going to go for a walk today after lunch though and that should be good. I'll make it a brisk one. Then home to ellip...

breakfast of one cup of last nights American Heart Assoc. recipe creamy chicken and a large glass of oj. Got to get back to work...ish.
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700-1200 calories is no way to live Michelle- you know that. Quite honestly 1200 is considerably too low. You know that. Hell- we are pretty much the same weight- I plan on eating 2100-2500 every day.
Walking is exercise- good exercise at that. Go out at a sustained pace for 30 minutes and bingo! :D

Try to eat some more of the right foods. I think you will see it will give you more energy which will make you want to exercise more.
 
You make valid points. My BMR (Adult female: 655 + (4.3 x weight in lbs.) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years) is 1725. So I want my caloric intake to be less then that. Don't I? Maybe 1500 with moderate exercise?

Is there a calculator out there some where that will tell me how many calories I need using my BMR and my physical activity level? Boy, being able to eat more food would be awesome. I'm so tired/weak all the time. I've learned how to eat healthy, I just didn't realize I could eat so much more of it! That makes me happy! Now I'm happy. Happy Michelle!!!
 
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If I can just make one person happy a day I win in my book- especially going into a weekend.

google Harris-Benedict equation and click on a link. Now, since I have looked at this several times I know that what I do is mulitply mu BMR by 1.2 and 1.375 and then take the average. that is my activity level.
Looking at around 2220 for you with this calculation.
1500- 1700 should work out swimmingly for you.

:D
 
Wow, THANKS! I always just thought more calories out than in, but I'm seeing it's not that simple...or smart. I didn't get the whole picture. I really appreciate you helping me out Brian. Maybe I'll want to exercise more now and actually enjoy it for a change instead of dragging my ass through the whole workout...

You rock!
 
littlekeylime said:
Wow, THANKS! I always just thought more calories out than in, but I'm seeing it's not that simple...or smart. I didn't get the whole picture. I really appreciate you helping me out Brian. Maybe I'll want to exercise more now and actually enjoy it for a change instead of dragging my ass through the whole workout...

You rock!
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Don't misunderstand Michelle. It is more calories out than in but going to the extreme of that is not good.
You still need to give your body what it needs to live and move.
eating 1700 cal will give you a 400 cal or so deficit right there
exercising and burning another 300+ will give you a 700+ deficit.
1 lb of fat is = to 3500 cal or so. A 700 cal deficit 5 times a week will result in fat loss.

BTW- anytime you need help just ask around the forum. I knew nothing before i came here- seriously.
:D
 
It seems like a no brainer. I don't know why I didn't get it before. I know extremes are bad. I always have to do everything to the extreme...or best...or better than everybody else. It's so stupid. I'm learning not to demand such ridiculous things from myself now.

I've been off track for two weeks. First my daughter missed a week of school because she was sick and had me very busy taking care of her, then, of course, I got sick and was delighted just to keep any food down. I'm starting to feel better today but won't exercise for fear of another relapse...I'll give it a couple days then get on track again...

Happy Monday.
 
I'm back diary. And oh have I been naughty. Bad. Bad. Bad. Refocus time again. I've been making all sorts of good meals and screwing portion control. But, here I am so that's good. I know not giving up is the key. Hard boiled egg, apple juice and tea this morning. If I can be good until Christmas eve, I'll be proud of myself. It will be fun to see the number on the scale start going down again...ho hum. I need this diary. I'll check back in soon...
 
I'd really love to see my horse ticker move a little. Poor guy, he's been standing there forever...You know what? I'm going to post my first goal of 20 pounds instead of the whole picture. That might help me get to it faster...
 
Michelle!

Good to see you. It doesnt sound like it has been going that good for you- weight loss wise anyway- but thats ok.

You are back andmaking mini goals. That is a good start.
What are you doing to get yourself back on track?


Very good to see you on here again. :)
 
Thanks Brian, for checking in on me. It's nice of you. I'm mostly just writing down my food intake again (which I haven't been doing) and upping the calories to a sane amount. Also, not killing myself on my machine. I'd like to do some walking but we have no sidewalks in our hood and with the snow storm, there's no safe place to do so. I'll have to rely on my elip and the Firm dvd's. But this time I will not kill myself with those either. It only forces me to quit. I don't want to be a quitter. I mostly drink calories, so switching to water will help tremendously. Thanks again for posting. Seeing that someone has posted sends me an email and gets my butt back here again. It really helps! Oh and congrats on the little one!!!!! Are you getting any sleep?

:beating:
 
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