Marsia's Diary

Thanks all! Glad the "Marsia" smoothie made you happy, Petal, and that my reading material helped you sleep! :doh:

Someone who is a friend of a friend told us today that my daughter got into the play, but I don't know where they saw that info, so we are emailing the really wonderful drama teacher to see. I am excited, but also a little worried - there is singing and intense guitar solos and acting (she has only ever been a mouse before in a play as far as speaking parts) and possibly dance routines to learn and she has to learn to get more theatrical with her guitar playing. But the whole atmosphere is so supportive that I am sure it will be fine. We are just going to have a bunch of very long nights ahead of us! It's good it's winter though and a good time to be in and playing music and singing while it rains outside.

It's good to feel better from eating good food. I am really happy I am cutting out caffeine. It makes me feel a lot healthier and I am not all tired out!! Had a bunch of cravings for it today, but nothing I can't handle. It's good to feel really good!
 
Marsia said:
It's good to feel really good!
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It certainly is! xoxo
 
I have cut back on caffeine again and also fizzy drinks . They were only diet drinks I had but now I'm just having water or teas . I have one coffee in the morning which I perhsps drink half . That's it . Hope all this helps the BP .

Congrats to your daughter . Reminds me of high school musical . Hope she has a fab time .
 
Thanks Petal and Cate! I just got in from digging in the garden, and stopped after digging up a small tree and getting a section of wall in. Hard to stop, but trying to listen to my body!!

What I have heard about caffeine for people whose body doesn't mind it is that if you have a routine of a coffee in the morning and stick to it, it is fine for you, it's just hard on your body for some reason if you have it intermittently. They don't recommend much more than a cup a day of coffee if you are high stress though because it can add to stress if you have much more than a cup. I worry about the artificial sweeteners in diet sodas because so many of them in the past cause have been found to cause harm in the long term if you drink a lot of them. Hopefully they are better with long term studies with that sort of thing now.

Thanks, I confirmed that my daughter is in the play and we are all excited! It does seem a lot like High School Musical, but a little more head banger style rock in places, which will make our actual rock school music teacher happy, because that is what he is always trying to get our little sweet girl to sing! She is practicing one of those type of guitar solos at the moment and loves it. So funny!

LaMa, I have been meaning to ask you, how do you deal with people with memory loss so they don't get hurt feelings? I want to tell my mom that I have already told her something over and over, but when I do, it usually doesn't come out in the best tone of voice. How do you guys deal with that? I have been emailing my friend who is taking care of his parents and may need to move in with them one day in the near future. We are both wondering about this.

Have to get going. We are meeting some other parents and taking our kids to another musical this afternoon. Happy Friday everyone!
 
Glad you listened to your body Marsia :)
There is no kind way to tell your Mum that she has told you something already, except for just trying to say "Oh, I know " in the kindest possible voice. My ex DIL once snapped at me- "Yes. You've told me that at least 4 times already." It's all about the tone I think.
How wonderfully exciting about your daughter!
Happy Saturday, Marsia (It's 7.40 am here)xoxo :D
 
Hi Cate! I get so mixed up as to what day and time it is for everyone - thanks that helps!

I like your advice about using the kindest possible voice. I am going to do that. It must be frightening losing one's memory. I am trying to tell my mom very simple things about diet and exercise, and she just can't retain them - like trying to get her to stop buying things where one of the main ingredients is white flour. Or we keep having to have her call Apple to fix her computer because she falls for fishing schemes and gives a hacker all her computer passwords. Luckily she doesn't keep important info on her computer. I think I need to make signs or something and post them on her fridge and computer. I tried to get my mom to make a dish with 3 ingredients for herself the other day, and it confused the heck out of her. It's starting to get a little alarming - probably time to start setting up health care proxy and that sort of thing. It's sad because when she isn't being weird to me she is so interesting and fun, and I can see that she is slipping away.

Today is supposed to be nice and warm, so we'll go for nice walks and things. I haven't been meditating lately, so time to do that and get back in the habit! Hope everyone's weekend is great!!
 
It always depends on the topic. If it's something truly important: write it down somewhere they'll see it regularly. But you have to pick your battles because reminding people of stuff all of the time can feel either overwhelming or like you're trying to run their life for them/like you're not treating them like a responsible adult. Which... is sometimes true, even, but can ruin your relationship very quickly. Always remember you're dealing with an adult who has the right to make their own decisions.
In your examples I'd let the white flour go and invest my resources in the computer problem. Because while healthy eating is important in general changing your mom's food habits will likely only work if you're right there for every meal and if she isn't living off coke and chips or getting in short-term trouble with diabetes/meds the investment is just too great compared to the expected gain. The computer thing, however, may be resolved by written reminders posted behind/on her computer or phone.
 
I love our time differences. It makes it more fun for me. It's really tough when you know that someone you love is deteriorating. My Mum's memory loss was gradual over many years & it was harder for me to detect when Dementia really took over as she lived a long way away from me &, while I talked to her often on the phone, I only got to see her maybe once or twice a year.
It does sound like it is time to get things set up- health proxy, a power of enduring attorney, a will etc. My Mum had the prior experience of her mother getting dementia quite young so she had everything (almost) set up well beforehand. Perhaps you could do the same for yourself if you have not done so already & do it together. We all should. Try to have the discussions when she is not pushing your buttons. I'm sure you can do it gently & kindly.
LaMa is right. Concentrate on the really important things with your Mum. I'm glad I got to spend quality time with my Mum in her last 5 years, but I could not have coped if she had not gone into care when she really needed it. Try to enjoy your time with her, but don't forget to look after & protect yourself xoxo
 
Hi LaMa and Cate! Thanks for all the good advice. I like the time difference stuff, too! You guys are living my near future!!

I was trying to get my mom to stop eating like that because she is diabetic and her blood pressure keeps going into the highest range where I am supposed to rush her to the emergency room, but we went twice, and they sent her home because they can't up her medication any more, and she doesn't have organ failure, so there isn't anything more they can do. I was hoping she would stop eating stuff that makes all this worse and see if we can get her blood pressure to stop suddenly spiking. I think the organ that this is most affecting is her brain, and her father had terrible dementia, too, before he died. They are calling dementia type 3 diabetes now, because the same things that create type 2 diabetes lead to dementia. But you guys are right, I probably can't turn this around at this late date, and it is her choice if she eats mostly white flour, chips and sugar that cause worse dementia.

I hope she is open to health care proxy stuff and all that. I hope I can go with her to her GP when her blood pressure gets dangerous again and we can all talk about that stuff together.

I agree I have to be careful not to be overbearing about what I want my mom to do. I get ahead of myself and think I am not going to be doing anything but taking care of my mom for the coming years, and what if I don't get to spend that time with my daughter because my mom takes up all my time? (Nursing homes are out of the question - they are tens of thousands of dollars a year and I wouldn't get my mom to agree to go to one - they are generally horrible in the US.) I did hospice care for my grandmother, so know what a huge time and energy commitment it is when someone is that ill. But this is just me fearing the worst, and I can't know what will happen.

Anyway, we had a nice relaxing day and did sports in the park together as a family. It was sunny and really nice. Can't believe it's almost Christmas! I decided to do a little tree that I know where it is and just do little decorations this year. My brother in law and his girlfriend are spending a couple of days here just before Christmas, so I have to get my room nice for them, which is good incentive so I finally have a nice room and stop using it as the spare room when I can't find a place for things! I think it will be nice having my own calm, happy space!
 
Dealing with dementia is never easy - for the patient OR their loved ones. I'm sure you'll figure out the best solution for your situation.
Having a pleasant, quiet room for yourself sounds like a very nice thing! I couldn't imagine not having my own space anymore.
 
Had a nice quiet Sunday. We sat around the fire learning songs for the play, and then went to my kid's last rock concert for the year. It was a really good one, and the band sounded great. My daughter's voice is getting fuller and she is hitting all the notes in tune, and her guitar playing has gotten more confident, too. She is sounding really good! The other bands really improved, too. It's such a nice program for the kids! It's nice bringing my mom to the concerts. She loves watching all the kids.

It's good to get my room nice. I really need to start doing things for myself. We are not in debt from fixing up the house for the first time in years, and I think I may start pursuing hobbies, going to occasional art museums and things for myself. I need a change and to get out on my own more and do my own things instead of being everyone else's assistant so much of the time.
 
Marsia said:
It's good to get my room nice. I really need to start doing things for myself. We are not in debt from fixing up the house for the first time in years, and I think I may start pursuing hobbies, going to occasional art museums and things for myself. I need a change and to get out on my own more and do my own things instead of being everyone else's assistant so much of the time.
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That all sounds like a wonderful idea, Marsia. Me, too xoxo
 
Marsia said:
Had a nice quiet Sunday. We sat around the fire learning songs for the play, and then went to my kid's last rock concert for the year. It was a really good one, and the band sounded great. My daughter's voice is getting fuller and she is hitting all the notes in tune, and her guitar playing has gotten more confident, too. She is sounding really good! The other bands really improved, too. It's such a nice program for the kids! It's nice bringing my mom to the concerts. She loves watching all the kids.

It's good to get my room nice. I really need to start doing things for myself. We are not in debt from fixing up the house for the first time in years, and I think I may start pursuing hobbies, going to occasional art museums and things for myself. I need a change and to get out on my own more and do my own things instead of being everyone else's assistant so much of the time.
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I loved reading that . I'm thrilled for your daughter she sounds wonderful.
It's lovely to be not in debt over your house. I feel blessed that we have no debt and we just at the 50 age bracket . marsia yes go persue some hobbies and do fun things .
 
Thanks all! It's funny that I can encourage Cate to do more things for herself and forget that I need to do that, too! I feel happy to think about myself and get more involved in my interests again! I know that being fulfilled takes the emphasis off of food and other substitutes that don't really help with getting you to do what it is that makes you excited to get up in the morning. So I am finally going to focus on these things more - remind me if I get distracted! So many distractions!!
 
I took my mom to the dentist yesterday, and over the course of the last 3 years, her bottom teeth lost most of their enamel coating and are such a mess, they either all need pulling out, or they need massive amounts of dentistry to just last 3 more years, and some upper ones need help, too. The dentist said it was the sugar and not taking care of her teeth well. So in the next few days we figure out if it is better to yank them all and just have dentures, which are really hard to chew with, or do we spend a lot of money for 3 more years of chewing with partial plates which don't work well either but at least are anchored with some existing teeth.

If there was any motivation to keep me off of sugar, this is it. I am just so amazed at how bad my mom is at taking care of herself. I feel sad about it. Also, she told the dentist that her health is good and her teeth feel good, and her teeth have been in horrible pain, and her health is a mess. So I have to go in with her to doctors from now on. She was in a good mood, so didn't remember any of that, and the dentist would not have real information to go on. She also didn't have any questions, so I asked about 20 questions for her and reiterated what the dentist said to her, because it went in one ear and out the other. I feel like I can't help turn my mom's health around at this point, only maybe help her have as nice a time with the remaining time she has left. I don't give up, I am just not going to push her, because I don't believe she has the will to turn things around now, so might as well just make things as happy as possible.

I have been thinking a lot about my past lately, all the opportunities I missed and things like that. I feel like it is time to let my past go because I have learned from it what I can, and now I am just ruminating. I need a change - new experiences, more girlfriends who understand me, more going out and just trying things, less endless research so I don't have to worry about failing. I know my values now and want to stop being so insecure and live from them as much as possible. I don't know what changed, but something has, and I feel a lot more proactive suddenly. I hope it lasts!
 
We have both come to this realisation at about the same time. That last paragraph could have been written by me. We have to work at making it last xoxo
 
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