Risty thanks for saying hello
I am checking in with you after this post.
May I just say that I feel as though my current failure is something that I feel so guilty about. I'm about to list all of the horrible horrible everything I have shoved in my face for the past 3 days. For anyone who doesn't want to read about someone who lacks any and all self-control I suggest you close my window. I haven't exercised in three days, I even skipped class this morning. Over the course of three days I have eaten everything I listed below. I am this compulsive over-eater, I binge and binge and binge. I'm not even hungry and I don't feel the need to eat so much but I just do it. I can't explain it and I'm humiliated but I guess I need to admit this. Ugh I make myself sick, I don't really expect anyone to say anything, in fact I sort of hope nobody responds to this post. I can't f*cking wait for this semester to be over. in the effort of making excuses, I'll never take 18 credit hours again. It's simply too much. I cannot fit anymore information in my head at this point. I actually don't want to go to New Orleans this weekend either, I've taken the time off of work though so if I don't go I've wasted my money and time. The place I'm staying at has a gym so hopefully I'll regain my motivation. Ugh for anyone who actually reads this, please do not behave as I do and also I hope this sickening illustration of self-pity hasn't made you naseous. I wish I could control myself, I'm worse than a child. I'm not weighing myself until the end of this month, I simply can't bring myself to do it.
-Breakfast: Cream of Wheat- 400 calories
-Lunch: 2 Slices Cut-Up Pizza- 400 calories
-Snack: Applesauce- 300 calories Yogurt-200 calories
-Dinner: 2 Slices Cut-Up Pizza- 400 calories
-Water: 3.0 L
-Miles April 24th: 0 miles
-Total Miles: 62.5 miles
-Breakfast: Cream of Wheat- 500 calories
-Lunch: Peas and Corn- 300 calories
-Snack: Applesauce- 200 calories
-Dinner: Brown Rice/Vinaigrette- 500 calories
-Slothness: 2 Slices Cut-Up Pizza- 400 calories
-Water: 2.0 L
-Miles April 25th: 0 miles
-Total Miles: 62.5 miles
-Breakfast: Cream of Wheat- 500 calories
-Lunch: 2 Yogurts- 400 calories
-Snack: Thai Rice- 300 calories
-Dinner: 3 Slices of Cut-Up Pizza- 600 calories
-Water: 2.5 L
-Miles April 26th: 0 miles
-Total Miles: 62.5 miles
And I'd just like to add that as I'm standing in my kitchen getting all this food ready to eat, I could simply cry. It's like I know I'm going to do it, instead of exercising, and I DON'T WANT IT but I'm going to do it and make it impossible for myself. I feel like I'm watching myself fail, and all I can surmise is that there must be a part of me that enjoys it. Embarrassment doesn't begin to describe this but I have to be honest about these past couple of days. I wish I was strong enough to prevent the abnormal urge to gorge myself.