Lucy's diary

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Today was a great big mess.

After my shitty sleep I ate my regular Fri morning breakfast (protein pancakes), did pilates and went for my walk. Had a protein bar and a coffee and not long after that my stomach just became lava (TMI? Too late haha). So spent most of the day in bed watching Netflix and going to the toilet. Which meant I was absolutely starving hours later by the time I felt better and then ate WAY too much. Think around 3700 give or take. Circumstances were bad but I should have reeled it in.

Decided to look back and assess things, my sleep has been pretty crappy the last month or two and I'm thinking that it's the amount of calories I'm getting? I'm not necessarily hungry when I go to bed but if anything wakes me up (usually my husband) at 4-5-6am I can't get back to sleep because I'm starving. It does also take me longer to get to sleep. I think I just suck at lowering calories guys hahahaha.

So as much as I hate the number this week will end on, I'm going to be eating 1600-1700ish the rest of the week and then I'm going to be shooting for a 1750 calorie average. There's really no point having a good week only to gain half of it back the next which is pretty much how the last couple of months have gone. Going to make sure the lowest calorie day I have in a week is over 1600. There is also no point in putting in all this work to get to my goal weight only to still have the crappy relationship with food- got to sort my binge triggers... tiredness being the absolute number one at the moment.

Short term goal I should reach though! I'd like to be 60kg (or less) by the time I go home in a little over 5 weeks which I should easily achieve, long term goal will be to be at my goal weight by my birthday on 11th Feb.

Back on the wagon I go.
 
LaMaria said:
I get awfully sleepy when I eat large meals in general, but as with alcohol they often have me wake up later in the night.
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Yes I agree! I kept waking up and having hot flushes. But it was cold last night so I would kick off the blanket and wake up an hour later freezing.
 
TopazCutie said:
Hey Lucy hope you're doing well. xo
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Thanks Topaz, just needed a little break from things.

Some stuff has happened, I had a major thoracic flare and was due for physio anyway. Basically he made me feel like I was exaggerating the pain or making it up for attention? He's kind of implied that before. Anyway. He gave me new exercises to do and left, which made it so much worse and I could hardly turn my head for a few days. Went to an osteopath today who pretty much straight up asked how long I'd been living like this because my back is really messed up. He treated my neck and upper back but left the rest for another day because there were a few muscles he couldn't calm down (my middle back which always is stiff) so I'm going back next week. I have a lot of postural issues I can't correct on my own because of the stiffness in my spine and all the muscles which fight against me... I couldn't even stand up straight when he asked because any extension through my back makes me feel like my ribs are stabbing me. Almost had a cry, felt like I was being ridiculous for so long so it was nice to hear someone actually tell me something was very wrong? I don't know if I wrote about it before but last time I had a flare I went to see a doctor and she said she would refer me to a doctor for a breast reduction. And to not take painkillers even though it hurts because it's bad for my kidneys. Helpful, right?

Also I have been completely all over the place mentally, crazy anxious, unable to sleep, super irritable, majorly bingey, cried at the movies watching an insurance ad before the movie started. Yea, PMSing like a crazy person for multiple weeks. Went back to my doctor and she thinks I had a big reaction to the increase in estrogen so we have changed pills again (ughhhhhhhhhhhh here we go again) but hopefully this will fix things. Haven't weighed myself in a few weeks, will be weighing in on Wed when I have finished this months sugar pills. Should have broken even with the calories by then so shouldn't see a gain, but who knows.

Husband has had a migraine that's lasted for nearly a week now and he won't see anyone and it's driving me crazy... so been looking after him too. He's been napping on and off all afternoon.

Seeing friends on the weekend too, having breakfast (early) tomorrow morning with someone and then going for a drive on Sunday with another to go for a beach walk and juice lol.

I'll start posting again regularly from my weigh in on Wed.
 
luzdafuzz said:
Basically he made me feel like I was exaggerating the pain or making it up for attention? He's kind of implied that before.
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Fuck that guy. Or actually: nobody ever fuck that guy ever as long as he shall live. Someone who can´t give out humanity doesn´t deserve any.
luzdafuzz said:
I don't know if I wrote about it before but last time I had a flare I went to see a doctor and she said she would refer me to a doctor for a breast reduction. And to not take painkillers even though it hurts because it's bad for my kidneys. Helpful, right?
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Nobody fuck her either. Breast reductions can be very helpful for some people but the scientific consensus on pain medication has been in for a while and it is that you should take it when you need it. Being in a lot of pain is not good for you. It doesn´t toughen you up either.
 
Honestly I stopped seeing the physio I had before him because after I injured my back she kind of thought the same thing. Even when I still actually had disc pain (l4/l5/s1) and I still couldn't sit down she fully cleared me for work when it had only been 6 weeks which makes it super likely I'd re-injure myself since I had to lift stuff regularly, so I lost my job. And years ago when I had serious chronic quadriceps tendonitis and my VMOs had wasted away to nothing and I was on crutches for a year I still got that from physios, maybe because they weren't helping? I ended up seeing a chiropractor back then actually who straight away said my hips were out, fixed them, sent me on my way... and a year of struggling on crutches was suddenly over. I actually have had a better back week this week than I have had all month so osteo must have helped a bit, even got through the grocery shopping last night without the middle of my back tensing up which pretty much always happens. Maybe this will be what works for me, fingers crossed. I just want to get on with my life.
 
60.8kgs today which is bizarre and doesn't compute lol. I bunched the last 5 weeks into one and my calorie intake average was 2125, Fitbit estimated I'd maintain 61.3kg... so running into the same issue as before, I think it underestimates my workouts. It was way worse a few years ago when I was regularly doing HIIT and lifting (like... it would underestimate by several hundred calories a day, this time it's about 100 calories a day on average), but I notice a lot that when I work out it mostly doesn't detect my HR... it'll say 80bpm for ages then shoot up to 160 lol. Anyway, it means I feel a bit better about eating a bit more on days Fitbit says I burn more.

So I'm excited for new weight low! I also finally FINALLY lost that pesky cm off my waist which brings it down to 69cms (3cms till goal!). Finally out of the 70s for the first time in my life. Didn't really lose anywhere else, bust measured UP a cm, lost like half off my thighs but won't count that till it's a full one.

Next goal is to weigh in the 50s by the time I go on holidays on the 22nd!!! So 19 days to weigh 59.9kg. I'm going off last months intake average estimate (not the higher one, I'll stick with the Fitbit estimate) so I need about a 1750 calorie average (or a 370 calorie daily deficit average) for that time to get there.

Also another goal... my cholesterol is still relatively high (though lower than it was before) so going to hopefully bring it into normal/healthy range by the end of the year. I'll have to go back to the doctor in 3 months for iron blood testing/ update on the pill anyway so will get tested again then. So going to absolutely try my best to stick to junk food (takeaway and full fat ice-cream is still the current issue) only once a week instead of every other day (whoops). Lucky my blood pressure is relatively low and I have no family history of anything I guess, it takes a lot for me to get my shit together around food it seems.
 
Well done on reducing that waist even more, Lucy. You look stunning & should be proud of yourself. Take good care of that precious body, hon. Glad to hear your back is getting stronger, xoC
 
Sorry to hear you've been having a bit of a trying time. Glad that the scale is still moving for you, that's fantastic Lucy. I'm jealous!
 
Yesterday

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Food

  • Baked banana oats with 20g crunchy peanut butter (already ate half the first piece, forgot to take a pic!)
  • Whole tub candy bar halo top with 20g crunchy peanut butter
  • 150g grilled veg mix, 80g cold smoked salmon, 100g sweet potato (cooked weight), 15g lite aioli (I mix it with a touch of water so I can use it as a dressing)
  • Sugar free creaming soda
  • Curried sausages (the Perfectly balanced brand, pretty low cal!) with 125g cauli rice
  • 2 gard boiled eggs, cola flavoured kombucha
  • Also had a black coffee and 3L water
Totals 1773 calories, 132 carbs, 86 fat, 113 protein

Fitbit deficit 368

1 day down, 19 to go! (It's actually 18 days till the Monday we leave but we aren't flying till the evening so technically it'll be Tuesday when we arrive)

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Thanks guys, really hoping that I can get my back behaving for my holiday and then hopefully after as well. I really want to return to real life now!!

Ahhh speaking of our holiday (just flying home, not really a holiday haha) boarding thr cats is SO EXPENSIVE. I mean it's 20 days, but... $600? Yikes. Thats the most no frills place we could find too. Our cats are Scottish folds which don't jump and climb like other breeds so they don't need elaborate climbing frames and upward space. Husband has been voicing getting a third cat too but I honestly think he's forgetting how much energy a kitten requires and how many nights these guys kept us awake. Paying for a third when we go anywhere would be insane! We've not had to board them before, always lived with someone else.
 
Kennels are incredibly expensive. Our little old dog doesn't need walking anymore (she won't budge on a lead) & eats very little I think the last quote I got was $20 a day. Our older son comes in & feeds her whenever we go away if it's only short-term & she's much less stressed.
 
cate said:
Kennels are incredibly expensive. Our little old dog doesn't need walking anymore (she won't budge on a lead) & eats very little I think the last quote I got was $20 a day. Our older son comes in & feeds her whenever we go away if it's only short-term & she's much less stressed.
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Yea it would have been $20 for one cat, $30 for them both. Any place with windows/ climbing stuff etc was between $35-40 a day. It's too long a period for me to trust anyone to come to the house daily and feed them/ scoop the litter etc and I'm paranoid that people don't close/lock doors so I'd feel better not having someone at our place lol. The cats will also run and hide from anyone that isn't me or Ash. I feel better having them in a smaller space with someone physically seeing them every day. Worth the cost for my piece of mind!
 
§15 per day per cat sounds decent to me. But then again I have no pets so it´s easy for me to say.
 
LaMaria said:
§15 per day per cat sounds decent to me. But then again I have no pets so it´s easy for me to say.
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Yea I guess, just adds up over a few weeks!! It's already super expensive to fly home which is ridiculous. It's cheaper to fly international than it is to fly east to west in Aus.

Emilyrose said:
Do you have anything fun planned for your holiday Lucy?
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Not anything in particular, whenever we fly home it is honestly to catch up with everyone. I'm from a pretty small city which has nothing to do honestly (which is why the meth problem is outta control, no joke). My mum has taken 10 days off work so I think we will be hanging with her and my dad, catching up with my siblings (and the niblings), avoiding seeing anyone I know outside of my friends lol. My oldest friend from childhood is due to have a baby at the end of our stay so I'll be helping her pass the time too, told her I'd help her fill up her freezer with meals for after the baby has arrived. We will se my husbands family too but we don't hang out with them like my family, we usually only see them one or two days and its pretty awkward and forced to be honest.
 
Yesterday
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Food
  • Sweet potato and spice baked oats wirh 40g light cream cheese with a drop of vanilla stevia
  • Pint of cookie dough halo top with 20g crunchy peanut butter
  • Curried sausages with 125g cauli rice
  • Sugar free lemonade
  • 125g turkey breast in nandos rub with 150g shredded cabbage, 50g leek, garlic, hot sauce and 15g spicy mayo
  • 50g light cottage cheese, 100g chopped tomato, 2 thin brown rice cakes
  • Not pictured- black coffee and 3L water
Totals 1594 calories, 168 carb, 66 fat, 109 protein

Fitbit deficit 484 calories
 
Flights within Australia are crazily expensive! I love "niblings"&had not heard that before. Your friend will be grateful to get some help with freezer meals. I don't anyone has any idea how hard it is coping with a newborn baby. Good for you, Lucy.
 
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