Lou Lou's Diary

L

LouLou86

New member
Dear Diary

It begins again, but this time I need to make it work sensibly and healthily. And I need to keep it off.
As I understand it, my BMI is VERY OVERWEIGHT. It's not a nice thing to hear.

Current Weight: 12 st 12lbs
First Target: 12 st
Overall Target: 10st
Almost 3 stone! That feels like a lot!

I want to be able to wear my favourite jeans again.
I want my boyfriend to be proud to be seen with me.
I want to feel good about myself.
I want to feel good in myself.
I want to be active with my son.
I want to feel confident trying on new clothes, or being photographed, or being strapped into a rollercoaster.
I really just don't want to be self conscious anymore.
 
Sensibly and healthy are the best ways to lose weight... That's the only way to make lasting changes. Good luck on this journey! Take full advantage of the support system you'll find here. I'm looking forward to cheering you on :)
 
Thanks for the encouragement :)

I'm not doing to well at keeping up with this diary :\ oops! I guess I don't really know what to write, other than I feel disheartened when I look in the mirror. Still, onwards and upwards.

Weighed in this morning (should have been last week but I 'forgot'!) I've lost :D Hopefully this is just what I need to get truely motivated and stick to the diet and doing more exercise.
 
Hi LouLou, what you write does not really matter. It's your diary. Onwards & upwards is the way to go. Putting one foot in front of the other & never giving up will see you move towards your goals. You've lost? That's great. Start making small changes until they become habits. Your reasons for losing weight (becoming fit & healthy) are similar to mine & most of us here. We have more in common than most of us realise. You can do it. Eat as healthily as you can, keep moving & you'll get there! Cheers, Cate
 
Yeah don't really worry about what you write. You can simply come in here and write a number and then nothing else. Sometimes just the tracking and the reminder of what it is you're doing helps.

Also some days you have nothing to write, but others you might want to get something off your chest and others you might want a little advice. Me, I sometimes use it to complain about online dating. So much of this is mental adjustments and it can help to have a place where you can work through that kind of stuff sometimes.

As for feeling disheartened when looking in the mirror, my very first post contained this:

"One might think losing almost 40 pounds in three months is cause for celebration, but the knowledge of how much weight I've lost combined with the reality of how much more I still have to lose has kind of struck me funny today. It's like throwing a deck chair off the Queen Mary. I prepared myself from the outset that this was going to take a while, but that's not really making it any easier today. I started this because I was tired of being fat, and I'm not any less tired of being fat three months later."

I started at 375 pounds in July 2012 and when I posted that I was 336 pounds in October 2012. It's now August 2014 and I weighed 185 this morning. It is completely normal to feel frustrated and impatient when you first start losing the weight. That's absolutely fine. What you can't let it do is cause you to give up. I say this from experience: sticking with this is worth it.
 
I'm still losing. In more ways than one. My boyfriend broke up with me. I'm devestated. A whole happy future pulled out from beneath me. It's been 2 weeks and I still haven't really regained my appetite, it's coming back but in dribs and drabs. It means I've lost, but I feel like I've cheated.

There are still a box or chocolates and ice cream in the freezer. Absolutely unheard of for me. I'm hoping that seeing these things on a regular basis and leaving them alone is teaching me something, becoming part of a habit. Really I know it's just that I don't fancy them rather than control but maybe it will become something I can control later on....
 
Oh Loulou, I'm so sorry. That sucks! It's his loss sweetie. Keep on moving "onwards & upwards" & get yourself to where you are proud of how you look. Do it for yourself. Try to eat healthily for your own sake, even if you're not hungry. Sending you some loving kindness from Tassie, xoxo Cate
 
Thank you :) This is incredibly hard but I function just as well on my own as with other people (lots of practice!!!) In fact, despite the intense sadness, I can at least fill the void with weight loss and other projects. I have the space to focus.

So I'm half way to my current target :D It feels pretty good, even though I know in the back of my mind...and on the scales...that I still have a long way to go to reach my overall target. I feel that doing it in small chunks makes it more manageable, I mean I'm already half way, on a larger target I'd barely be scratching the surface and getting understandably disheartened by now.

My plan for this week is to keep eating as I have been, reasonably healthy. And get back on my exercise bike daily. Every day, 20-30 minutes (dependent on how numb my backside gets) and I'll see whether it makes a difference.
 
Hi LouLou, I'm impressed that you've found a silver lining in your breakup, as in the fact that you're filling the void with weight loss. That's excellent! I know most people would probably let themselves go if something like that happened to them. And congratulations on reaching the halfway point of your current goal! Of course breaking your overall goal into smaller chunks is a good idea, because it makes the progress you're making more obvious. I understand that in the back of your mind you're thinking you're still far from your overall goal, but as Lao Tzu said, "The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." Instead of focusing on how far away you are, congratulate yourself for taking any action at all :D When you've achieved your ultimate goal, you'll look back and be thankful that you pulled through. Starting out on any goal is the hardest part, because the prize looks so far away. This is when you've got to pull through. We're all cheering for you :hurray:
 
^ I'm one of those that let's themselves go in relationships. I don't buy into the whole "comfort" thing, I think its more complacence...you got someone, you no longer need to "attract" someone. Completely the wrong view in my opinion, but I fall victim to it nonetheless.

Today's big decision. No more alcohol. For this week at any rate. I do love a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer to unwind at the end of the day. I see no harm in these though I am aware of their empty calorie issue. I may not drink excessively, but I have a drink daily and after I made the decision not to drink I realised how close to reliance I was becoming. I mean, I'm hardly an alcoholic, I'm not dependent on it to get me through anything, but I enjoy it too much and the thought of not having my evening beer made me feel a little...lost! I've stumbled across something that is more than weight loss. Yet another way to improve on the old me :) I won't drink as much. In this way, I'll save money, lose a bit more weight and maybe kick a habit before in creeps too far in (phew!) I'll go it until the end of the working week and see how I get on and what difference it makes.
 
LouLou86 said:
I do love a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer to unwind at the end of the day. I see no harm in these though I am aware of their empty calorie issue..
Click to expand...

I can relate to that wine glass with the dinner :) I love going out and and having a glass of nice wine somewhere in a terrace in the sunny weather! What can be better! I think I can be happy though that I don’t like beer.

From my experience, even one glass of wine two times a week (Friday and Saturday) is having a great effect on the weight loss (at least for me). Having perfect eating and still having 2 glasses of wine (within the allowed daily calories) makes me lose no weight at all! I guess, the wine just really really slows down my metabolism :)

How are you doing with your new resolution? :)
 
So far, so good. I did have a beer and a coctail (eek) last night as I had friends over but I figured the social side of drinking isn't such a big deal, its the pointless beer or two when I'm alone. Anyway, it's been fine and I think it helped me to shift a little extra weight these last few days! YAY!

I wonder if metabolism IS the issue with drinking. When I was in my late teens/early twenties a good old binge drink on a weekend NEVER made a difference to my weight loss. Nor, for that matter, did the dreaded menstrual bloat! However, now I'm creeping up to 30 it seems to be having more of an effect!
 
I've had a bad couple of days diet wise.

Saturday I ate half a fish and chips with my mum, that was it for the whole day (oops!) As I had a babysitter that night I went out for a few drinks with friends. And naturally, when drunk, I came home and ate 4 slices of toast!

Due to my horrendous hangover today (Sunday) I cooked myself a full English (probably not too bad since I cooked it all myself and used FryLight for the egg)...later I ate pie and mash (very oops!!!) So currently I'm beating myself up a little bit. Hopefully can get back on track tomorrow and keep it going the rest of the week.

I have no plans for next weekend...oh except I'm going to a Martin Freeman Q&A!! but other than that it will be me in by myself all weekend. Money and diet wise, this is probably good. Emotionally, I don't know.
 
LouLou86 said:
Due to my horrendous hangover today (Sunday) I cooked myself a full English (probably not too bad since I cooked it all myself and used FryLight for the egg)...later I ate pie and mash (very oops!!!) So currently I'm beating myself up a little bit. Hopefully can get back on track tomorrow and keep it going the rest of the week.
.
Click to expand...

I know how that is! It is crazy how on the next day one makes so unfortunate eating decisions. I tend to order greasy pizza or some Chinese to get that hangover faster to pass by.

And yes you have to get back on track! I hope you are already doing that now :)

Btw, how tall are you? I just noticed that our starting weight and goal weight is the same.
 
I'm 5"5 :) So technically on the very top end of being 'overweight' at the moment (if you take stock of BMI's?) How tall are you?
 
Today I'm feeling blue. This may have massive implications for my weight loss. I'm a binge eater, I eat my feelings, I stuff myself to...I don't even know...numb my thoughts? Hmm anyway, since the breakup I've gone a little in the opposite direction. I was unable to eat for a couple of weeks and once I regained my appetite I've been able to control it (woohoo!) But even in the many moments of sadness I still didn't have enough of my appetite back to binge. Today I feel it creeping on. And I desperately don't want to, given my rough history with binge-purging and complete lack of control around food.

Plan so far is to do a little uni work
Get on the exercise bike
Have a bath
Get work stuff ready
Do some origami
Watch a little TV before bed.

That should keep me sufficiently distracted to stop me from over doing it in the fridge. Luckily I don't have a lot of junk in anyways, but I'm damn resourceful :|

The trouble with being sad is not quite knowing how to stop it. How do you switch off feelings? You can't, you have to ride them out - which sounds so easy in theory but in practice it feels like it might kill you. It's a tremendously helpless feeling when you just have to sit and "feel" your feelings...I feel like I need to do something to stop it, to control it, to numb it, distract myself from it. Hence the eating. I think. :( I'm just feeling really down at the moment. Lonely. Worthless. Fat. Heartbroken.
 
Well, I've done pretty well on the distraction front so far. I spent about 2 hours learning the geographical locations of ancient Greece, Rome and Europe. If that doesn't completely take over my brain, nothing will!

I feel really big so far this week. I think I look it, I feel it. Haven't weighed myself since last Thursday (maybe it was Friday), i thought I'd give myself some time to work off the fry up and the pie :\ lest I really disappoint myself. So maybe I just feel it, even if I don't technically weigh it.

I'm maybe being a little harsh on myself. I did quite well yesterday and so far today. I've not been overly strict but not exactly "bad". I never can keep up food diaries but I wonder if I might give it a go...just to make myself aware.

Breakfast: Special K
Snack: Clementine
Lunch: Lamb mince, mash and veg
Snack: Oat biscuits x 4 (over afternoon)
Tea: homemade BLT. No mayo or butter. Grilled bacon.

Walked 2 miles and did 15k on exercise bike.
 
Sorry you are feeling low LouLou. You've done great with staying active and eating well. Keep it up!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top