Afternoon
At noon I had a deli meat sandwich, mmm so good! Then I watched my show for a little longer.
Then after watching tv, I paced for a while, really getting into it. I stopped at 19k.
My goal is 15-20k a day, paired with a 1500 cal intake, I should lose weight. I'll weigh in tomorrow, but then Saturdays will be my weigh in day. Last time I weighed myself a few days ago, I had been binging and constipated and was 135. I just wanna make sure I'm not higher than that.
Then I watched more of 'the chosen' again.
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I am not driving today, my MIL and I are picking up the kids for my son's cross country meet, so what do I do....get stoned! I'm enjoying the high, but immediately felt convicted by the Holy Spirit that I shouldn't of done that. So I prayed and asked for forgiveness and feel bad that I won't get to take in this experience sober...and that bums me out. I'm just addicted to the high

. I want to quit, and maybe one day I will, but for now, I will wait till my hubs gets home. Lately I've been having it once I get home from picking up the kids, but like I said, from now on, I'll wait till hubs gets home.
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Kid did great during cross country! But we are back now and ofc I had another hoot

. Once I have 1, I cant stop. Hubs isnt home yet either. Double no no.
But I asked for forgiveness, mercy and to help repent. 2x now, I've started being honest with God and myself.
1) I kept praying to get control of my eating, lose weight and learn to fast. But I wasn't honest with my main reasons. To lose weight for vanity reasons. I want to look good and feel good about my beautiful skinny body. I know it's vain, I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. And now that I'm honest about it, I actually want to learn to fast until supper on Sundays one day. So bc I was honest, God killed my any eating urges today, He took control and I've stayed with my diet and it was easy.
2) Pot. I kept praying to quit, but honestly I don't want to. It helps (when I dont have anxiety but I'm learning to deal with it) to make me happy. Being high makes me happy. But I've felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to be responsible with it. Which means no pot before hubs gets home. Which I can do. I would prefer to wait till the kids go to bed tho. But now I'm being honest to God and myself, I have no doubt that I'll pass this tomorrow.
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Supper was beef stir fry. And for desert, homemade chocolate chip cookies MIL made. I had one, and it was so good. I'm estimating 100 cals for it.
Then we as a family played a fun game called 'hurry up chicken butt'. It was a fun time. Then MIL left.
Then I had my night time snack of a rice cake with pb and honey. Mmm so good.
I ended with 23k steps.